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24 hour clunker challenge - FINAL RESULTS!


I have an ominus feeling about those flames…

Doesn’t seem to be affecting lap times but still


Team Shitbox Brothers.

12 hours in

Alejandro is sweating, unaccustomed to driving for so long, so fast. Not only that, but his own wood panelling shattered laps ago. He’s now trying to get past the Bogliq Kitten at the Adam’s Apex. However, he brakes too late, nudging the Bogliq, sending it into a spin. He desperately contacts them through the radio.

Alejandro: “Shit, shit, SHIT, MY BAD, MY BAD.”

The race was nowhere near finished and he was already punchy and tired. This could not end well.

(It’s on you now, @HighOctaneLove)


In club voice chat in Discord:
Shin: “What’s your tire temp?”
Krzesimir: “I think it’s 120’C.I am starting drifting to have traction because car have almost big oversteer”
Shin:“Can you try to don’t listen to eurobeat?”
Krzesimir: “Yes.I changed music to Nightcore on straight.Now i am testing no hand drive because i think i can drive that car without steering wheel but only using gas, clutch and brake or handbrake.”
Shin: “Why you don’t try to ram others?”
Krzesimir: “Man , because i need lights to use on night but i think i will use blind attack on night”
Shin: “NANI?”
Krzesimir: “It’s racing technique from circuits on night.”
Shin: “What?!?!”
Krzesimir : “It’s better for you that you don’t know about that.It’s almost technique for being dead”
Shin: "Ok, did you customize brake ratio between front or rear?
Krzesimir: “Yes.Now i am switching off steering help to gain more understeer to help me on that tyre temp.And one i think using only one hand on steering wheel is almost good idea.”
Shin: “Do you think the car is damaged?”
Krzesimir: “No but i think the one.The way to cool tires is launching the radiator for tires”
Shin: “What?!?”
Krzesimir:“I installed radiator for tires that cool tires but is using fuel.That radiator use second engine”
Shin:“We have two engines?”
Krzesimir:“Almost but only V8 is the engine needed to drive.That engine for tire radiator is 10cm3 wankel engine that produces 2hp.It’s also powering the wipers.”
Shin: “We have lot of technology?”
Igor: “No.That was stock in race version but you was only driving R32 and you don’t knew about that”
Krzesimir: “We must stop talking because i don’t have wi-fi spot near”
Igor: “You are using wi-fi?”
Krzesimir: “Ye…eee…s”
Server : “User Disconnected from the channel”


Team ‘Southend or Bust’

“…I’m telling you, it’s the bushings, they’ll be absolutely ragged” lamented Martin, waiting for his stint to begin. He’d had to deal with James trying to explain what was going wrong with the gearbox - which totally didn’t take 35 minutes longer than it should have - and now he had Seb in the car ranting to him over the radio that “the back feels wobbly”.

James stood next to him, glaring at the laps board. He’d thought that an excursion to New Zealand would be relaxing, fun and filled with plenty of one night stands. How wrong he was; he was now dealing with his anger towards the team driving the Minevra for ramming their poor Erin’s door in.

“Martin, you know…” James began.

“No.” snapped Martin. He already knew what James was going to say. “I know this car is fucked if one of those rear arms goes”.

“…no, I was going to say that this is all part of the fun. It’s a clunkers challenge!” said James, with some cheer in his voice. It didn’t change how pissed off he was still.

Seb suddenly shouted in across the radio “I’m having to counter steer just to get it through turn 7. It’s a nightmare!”. He swore in Spanish, before huffing for the 50th time today. He’d been looking forward to racing in this event, but after seeing how little power they were running with on their Lomaron, he’d changed his mind. Still, he was a firm believer in the “it ain’t over til it’s over” mentality, and considering they still had a long way to go, he was not throwing in the towel yet.

Martin was needlessly stressed, James’s mind was on other matters and Seb was just trying to do his best. It was business as usual for Southend Or Bust.


Team Greasy Lightning

During a fuel stop

Fuzz winced and flexed his fingers.

Rick grinned, and taunted him. “See who’s the smartass now, right?”

“Hey Jen,” Fuzz ignored him. “Can you reach into the bottom of my bag for something?”

“Sure, what am I looking for?”

“Oh, you’ll know it when you see it.”

Jen rooted around in Fuzz’s overnight bag for a bit. He eyes grew wide as she pulled out his police-issue baton. “Why the hell do you have this with you?”

“Just give it to me.”

She did, and he promptly gave the Suzume a solid WHACK across the center of the dash. “Much better.” He tucked it into his harness with him so that he’d have easy access. Not the most comfortable thing in the world, but then again he was used to it banging up against him for no reason anyway.


#86 Team Mountain Pass

Team Bio

“So as I was sayin’, this little Bogliq is way too slow… I shoulda”


“Oh my God, don’t die, don’t die, DON’T DIE!!!”. The little Bogliq spins like a top, teetering on two wheels then…


Back on all four wheels it chrashed. Kyle was momentarily stunned. “What, no who, the fuck hit me!”

“Pierre here. That mad Caliban thing mis-judged the turn, his car, or both and used you to straighten himself out!”

“No wonder they call themselves Team Shitbox! They re-built their car outta wood! Can you believe that… Wood!”

“Uh yeah, yeah I can… They call it a clunker challenge for a reason. Mainly because the challenge primarily consists of getting their cars to the event in the first place!”

“True. Let Team Shitbox know there’s no hard feelings on my end. It’s a madhouse out here!!!”

“Will do. Is the car OK?”

“Yeah, Still way too slow though. I shoulda bought the one point five variant!”

“We’ll get them yet, you’ll see… Electrics all OK!!!”

“Yup, why do you ask?”

“Uhhh… No reason coughs. Stay safe and race hard, OK!”

“Ten four base, ten four”

(OOC - I hope you like it @Mr.Computah!)




I just made the successor to the IRO-1, and if I had have entered that it would have had winning potential.


Actually, that’s about how I imagine the buyer of a Ferrain ute…


I know your sufferings too of that buyer. You’re not alone…


Team Flaming Fart Cannon the second

The twilight shift had come. The fun-sized fun-tuned Espresso screeched into the pits, Kai flying out the door and Strop bundling himself into the cabin without a word. Seconds later, it emerged from the pit lane and screeched around the first corner. Only then did Strop dial in the radio.

“Hey Crash, nice job keeping it clean.”

“Thanks, I guess,” a static-ky Kai buzzed back. “It’s great in the corners but it’s no match for the Espyo on the Daffy Flyer.”

“So I saw, anything else I should know?”

“I miss Toothless.”

Groaning, Strop closed the channel. Probably one day, Kai would get it in his head to acquire another shitbox and douche it up and there was nothing they could do about it… except intervene, which was half the fun he supposed. Either way, it was time to get the laps in. Target time of two nineteen, check. Easy on the throttle in the corners, check. In a way it was nice that they occupied a bit of a no-man’s land, having more power than the other K sized cars. He just had to watch out for the destruction derby around him, the evidence scattered all over the track and piling up progressively as the day turned into night.

There was one other item Strop had on his task list. One that he hadn’t quite shared, but it had been brewing for quite a while and was rapidly approaching fruition. He reached into his pocket, and fished out his lighter with a malevolent grin.

“It’s time to bring the Hadoken back.”

Back in the pit lane, Sam ruffled Kai’s hair. “There there, at least it’s nice to thrash a shitbox once in a while right? Totally like, the Spirit of Toothless.”

Kai sighed. “But I want my shitbox. Only everyone at work will probably stage an intervention.”

Sam nudged Kai. “You do realise that aside from the prize money, you’re making big bank from all that shit you hate doing, like the ads and the sponsorships and community stuff right?”

Kai stared at Sam blankly. “So?”

Sam resisted the urge to smash his hands into his face. “So it’s your money, you can do with it whatever you want. Like, you know. Buying your own garage space and putting as many cars as you can fit into it?”

Suddenly, Kai looked thoughtful. A chill ran down Sam’s spine. For years, everybody thought that the right thing to do was to get Kai to think more. Sam had only recently realised that the better solution was to stop him thinking at all.

“I’m gonna need a big garage.”


“God damn, this thing is hard to drive!” Amy yelled into the radio as the Minerva squirmed about on the track. “Like there’s lots of grip and no grip at all.”

A few laps later, Amy over-estimated how fast she could take the turn, and while the Suzume left the track ass-first, the Minerva understeered violently. “Fuck!” she yelled, just as the Minerva plowed through the Erin’s rear door, sending both cars off the track. “Sorry, guys, but I couldn’t stop this shitbucket.” Amy said into the radio. The bumper was scraping on the tires whenever the car was turned, so it was into the pits for them.

In the pit lane, Luke and Jake worked quickly to remove the Minerva’s mangled front bumper. “Try not to hit anything with the front of the car now.” Luke said. “You’ve got the steel safety rail, and the thing behind that is the radiator.”

Amy tried to drive out of the pits, though spent most of the time swearing into the radio as she kept cramming the Minerva’s gearbox into reverse and stalling the engine. Eventually, the track officials got on the radio and told Amy to clear the air, because they can’t televise Team Really!?'s radio channel with her on it.

Once back on the track, Amy seemed to have a grip on driving the Bullet, slowing down early because the brakes kinda sucked and the car’s solid-axle suspension wasn’t made for great handling. On one particular corner, however, Amy grabbed the radio after the rear bumper exploded. “Who’s the fuck just hit me!? Seriously, has someone painted a fucking target on this car!?” She got the car straightened up and moving again, thanking the heavy-steel safety-box that the Minerva happened to be.

A few laps later, Amy found herself in trouble. “Fuck you, go into fourth!” The gearbox crunched and ground and snarled, trying to engage fourth gear while also trying to fall down into the reverse fork. The reverse lights kept coming on, and eventually Amy gave up as she’d lost a lot of speed. She pulled up on the stick, then crammed it down into second by accident.

The Minerva’s engine screamed, sailing past the 5100 RPM redline and tapping the top of the gauge at 6,000 revs. The exhaust popped and crackled and burbled as the engine slowed down. “Fucking hell! Luke, I think I might’ve broke the motor.” Amy said.

“Should be fine, you weren’t under power when you did it. Plus, it’s not an interference engine, the valve float shouldn’t have hurt it.” Luke replied. Amy got back on the power, accelerating to the chicane. She then realized her mistake and tried, unsuccessfully, to get the Minerva Bullet through it anyway, and ended up screaming across the dirt. The bumps shook more of the plastic cladding off of the Minerva, revealing the light-brown paint to everyone.

“Luke, can I get a damage report?” Amy asked.

“Well, you’ve shaken all of the black plastic off of the car. Other than that, the car seems to be as okay as a Minerva gets. We may have to make amends with Team Southend-or-Bust, though. They’re a bit upset with us in the pits.”


Half of the race is now done, the Espyo is still leading the race, followed by the Matteo, the Keika, the Caliban and the Nohda. The Erin on the other hand seems to have some troubles with its rear suspension that starts to wobble violently, causing the car to wander over the track, but after some twitching on the steering wheel, Seb is regaining control again. Maybe this is a result of the violent shunt earlier when the Minerva tried to enter the space where the rear seat once was. The engine in the Revero is still running very bad once in a while, and it seems like Fuzz still has trouble with learning the handling of the Suzume, almost spinning out yet another time. The Birmingham, Espyo, IP and Caliban also has some problems in the bends right now, Larry Hansen manages to correct the skid but instead gets a too heavy counter-skid, spinning some rounds and almost into the Suzume, which is braking for all what it’s good for, before ending out on the grass. Once again, the tiny little 1,3 litre engine is stalled and the starter is only clicking on the IP, but after a while it’s cranking again and the engine comes back to life. The Nohda has some misfiring issues, as well as the Sakura seems to keep struggling with its fuel delivery. The very fast Espyo goes way too fast into a bend now, almost plowing into the guard rail but Jule Face-Palmer seems to know what he’s doing, managing to avoid a bigger mishap. Following is the Ferrain which also comes at a too high speed, but even Krzesmir knows how to save the situation. Further down the track is the Oldman which doesn’t seem to have the highest stability on the straightaways, maybe due to some damage in the front suspension after the earlier crashes. It seems like the clutch are slipping between the gearchanges for Strop in the Matteo Miglia, let’s just hope that it will last this race without burning out completely. The Revero comes into a minor skid but nothing dramatic happens, and here comes the PMI which seems to have the problem with its wipers back, now they are going on interval and stopping in front of the drivers face, maybe some issue with the grounding when using another electrical function, after some crazy flipping on the lever it seems like they finally comes to rest in the correct position.

Once again, Darren tries to stop the oldman from stalling by pumping on the accelerator, but one more time it regains power too quickly, sending him straight forward through the chicane. The Erin is waggling back and forth on the track, clearly having some problems with its rear suspension, and the broken bonnet catch on the AAAA is showing its ugly face again, forcing the bonnet open at Adams Apex, seeing nothing at all Will drives the car off track. With the bonnet falling back in place, he can continue driving again as usual with the car undamaged. Fuzz in the Suzume and Amy in the Minerva may start to suffer from fatigue because they are the next ones to skid off the track, but with undamaged cars. The Revero and the PMI also takes some far from ideal routes on the course and Jule Face-Palmer in the fast Espyo Rusp really should take it a little more gentle on the accelerator sometimes, even if he has escaped major mishaps he’s on the limit all the time.

Not letting off the gas in time at Brians bend, Amy Storm in the Minerva goes straight forward again, and I don’t know what Krzesimir in the Ferrain was thinking, trying to overtake her on the inside, the cars almost strike each other but unbelievably Krzesimir manages to avoid it without going off the track, talk about luck. As a result of that, Eskil Lukeonen in the Birmingham coming behind has to brake hard not to make this race an even worser demolition derby than it has been this far.

It’s getting dark outside now and it is really the worst time for this to happen, the Suzumes headlights cut out all of a sudden. Driving with only one of the parking lights glowing at a very slow pace, we wonder if Fuzz is heading to the pits…no, wait! Look what he is doing! Seems like he is slamming against the Suzumes dashboard with a baton, I can’t believe my eyes, and it seems to work well since the headlights as well as the second parking lamp light up as bright at ever all of a sudden. Being blinded by having the Suzumes lights shining in the rear view mirror all of a sudden, Darren in the Oldman loses control and drives off the track, thoug without hitting anything. The Sakura and the Nohda is facing some trouble in the bends and it seems like the LSV engine isn’t running as well as it could either.

We have some drivers that really seem to need a break soon, neither the Bogliq, the Suzume, the Birmingham nor the PMI is doing as good laps as they did early in this stint anymore, one driver that still seems awake is John in the TSR though, but maybe his driving has been a bit too spirited earlier, coolant starts to puke from the overflow tank and he has to slow down for a while to cool the engine down, but probably not worse than being able to top up with coolant at the next pitstop.

The Erin continues to drive like a drunken snake on the track, as does the Oldman, both of them probably suffering from the earlier crash damage, even the Minerva, Matteo and IP drivers seems to be facing problems in keeping themselves alert, judging by their driving.

The drivers door of the AAAA pops up in yet another curve, one can start to question how much of the rigidity that is left in that fiberglass box after some crashes, Will may manage to close the door but when trying to overtake, Jule Face-Palmer in the fast Espyo didn’t count with getting a door spring open in front of his car, swerwing off the track in a sudden state of shock. The Espyo seems to escape undamaged though. To not hit the Espyo, Larry Hansen in the IP had to drive a bit too close to the guardrail, the IP only took a minor hit, but since it seems to have broken a light bulb and it’s now dark outside, he has to go to the pits for a change anyway. We still hear some nasty sounds when the Erin is downshifting and for god-knows-which-reason-this-time, Fuzz keeps banging his Suzume dashboard with the baton. Going in for a change of drivers, the Minerva and the Keika almost hits each other, and it’s obviously that a change is needed now.

16 hours into the race, time for the last change of drivers and the positions are like this.

  1. Espyo Rusp, lap # 433
  2. Matteo Miglia, lap # 419
  3. Caliban Thunder, lap # 411
  4. Keika Hop, lap # 410
  5. Nohda Bop, lap # 407
  6. Ferrain UtiPick, lap # 406
  7. Birmingham 8000, lap # 392
  8. Revero IRO-I, lap # 391
  9. TSR Kansai, lap # 391
  10. LSV Buccaneer, lap # 387
  11. Suzume Haneda, lap # 376
  12. Bogliq Kitten, lap # 366
  13. PMI Usurper, lap # 365
  14. AAAA V200, lap # 362
  15. Oldman series 1, lap # 354
  16. Sakura Duchess, lap # 354
  17. Erin Lomaron, lap # 353
  18. Minerva Bullet, lap # 346
  19. IP Pandora, lap # 331


Ferrain PL Team
Krzesimir: “Now it’s your turn Igor.You should you use blind attacks.(attacks without lights on)”
Igor: “Ok.I have too much energy”
Krzesimir: “That’s good.Can you tell Shin or others from team to make pizza for me?I am hungry.I ate crisps from tesco and i drunk the cheapest cola.”
Shin: “What pizza?Margherita , hawaii or other”
Krzesimir: “Can you make pizza with cheese , meat and other that i like”
Shin: “Ok, no problem.What’s with engine?”
Krzesimir: “It’s good but i think the VVL is almost deading.”
Shin: “Does it mean to end the race too soon?”
Krzesimir: “No, we have less power than on start but i don’t said about one thing”
Shin and Igor : “What thing!?!?!
Krzesimir: “You knew about rotary engine that is radiator for tires?”
Shin and Igor: “yes”
Krzesimir: “If V8 is almost deading or losing power you can use that engine as boost but you must press the Yellow button”
Shin and Igor: “Whaaaat?”
Krzesimir: “I don’t said it because that boost is very good at the end of race”
Igor: 'How much power that can give me?”
Krzesimir: “That can give only 2hp but it’s helping reaching more torque.It have 10Nm of torque.”
Igor: “Whaaat?!?”
Krzesimir:“I am going now to pits.Be ready for change”
Igor: “Ok.I am ready”
Krzesimir: “Did you have phone and headphones?”
Igor: “Yes”
Krzesimir: “We will talk using Discord app”
Igor : “Ok”


Team ‘Southend Or Bust’

16 hours in, and it looked like Martin’s bet wasn’t going to pay off. They simply weren’t getting enough laps in. You really did need more power than the poultry 112 hp offered by the Lomaron’s engine. As to whether or not it was still making that was another question.

Thankfully, the electric were still working, as Martin wrestled the car round the track in the dark. The rear suspension was almost none-existant; the bushings had gone, the tracking was way, way off and he had a suspicious feeling that the dampers themselves were almost certainly damaged beyond repair. Getting through the Killrob Chicane was a proper challenge each lap.

Back in the garage, James was preparing to head out once more. Another 30 minutes and he would be having to deal with the same exceptionally bad handling, but at least the sun was now well on the way up.

Seb sat vaguely awake nearby. “Last time I was this out of it, it was that Eurovision party your coursemate had back in 2016” he joked.

James chuckled and moved a little closer to him. “Bloody hell” he remarked, “that was a hilarious night. Martin got flirted with by that bio-med student for a whole hour and didn’t even notice”.

“And then didn’t shut up about how ‘he would never let that happen again’ for the next week” replied Seb.

“Fuck me” James chuckled again. “And then someone brought out all those balloons and…”

“…and you did at least half of them” Seb cut in, remembering how James had thought doing NOS was a lot of fun right up until the moment he said ‘I can’t feel where my knees are’ and fell over whilst ‘trying to find them’.

“Oh it wasn’t that many” James tutted. He sat down beside Seb and they both looked over to the otherside of the pit garage wall.

“Good times” said Seb.

“Too bloody right” said James in return.

However nice it was reminiscing about uni, the tone was one of nostalgia, and a sad nostalgia at that. James may well have landed himself a job in Central London in the finance industry but even he was clever enough to see how in 10 years time, he was probably going to go insane unless he’d developed a drinking problem to deal with it.

As for Seb, he just couldn’t get it out of his mind how hard it had been to find a job. His grandparents had joked that Geography degrees get you piss all, and he was kicking himself for not heeding their advice.

The radio suddenly crackled into life. “I’m starting to think we should call this car ‘Slushy’” said Martin.

“And why’s that?” said Seb, reaching the microphone on his headset to angle it properply.

“Well the gearbox feels like a spoon in an icecream tub, the throttle linkage might as well be liquid-based at this point and the rear suspension feels like it’s constructed of stewed beef” said Martin.

“How long did it take you to come up with all those metaphors?” said Seb, sarcastically.

“About 4 laps” said Martin, the tire screech being very aubible across the radio.

8 hours to go, and while most of the team felt fairly confident they could get it across the line, it wasn’t going to be a functioning car by that point.


Gaining places finally. Maybe it can finish 7th.


You have refuelled 8 times and you are behind two cars with less than a lap, one of them have refuelled 3 times and one of them 5. :wink:


If there wasn’t refuelling I could place well, but there is.



LARRY: It’s very unstable, I think that every bushing in the rear end is shot…
MATS: Yeah, probably stock from the 70s, and considering that the air filter looked like the bottom of the ash tray it would not surprise me if they are in a condition like that.
JENNY: Is there anything I need to know?
LARRY: Don’t stall it whatever you do, I’m not sure that the starter will work one more time.
MATS: And be careful with the gearbox…
LARRY: That’s only some bad synchromesh, double clutching will solve it.
MATS: You have been double clutching all the time, that’s why it has been working well?
LARRY: Of course! I did my military service as a truck driver in the army, I have learned some things in my life…
JENNY: Whatever! Now I’m going and I am going to do the damn laps that you two snails were to slow to do!


MATS:…no traction control and only 2 wheel drive…
LARRY: Do you think that we will get the car home in one piece?
MATS: Doubtful, and I already know that it is going to be my fault…