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CSR117: Rumble in the Bronx


Ok entries closed!

I’ll get through em starting later today.


1978 Marvin Northwood 434

Villanous, advanced, sophisticated and yet simple and elegent

Yes I know I'm late now fuck off


Number of entries: 32 (thank God not that many)
Number of entries I have processed: 22

Tomorrow I’ll finish the last ten and start revealing results in our time-honoured tradition of starting with the :wastebasket::fire: :sunglasses::ok_hand:


Cambridge Orinoco 2-Door Hardtop

Finally got round to the advertisement.


CSR117 Judgment

Part 1: Bin City, the Dumpster Fire of Broken Dreams


Another sweltering day, another simmering temper sequestered in that brown office. The Bronx’s kingpin was in one of his moods again.

“What the fuck is this?” Papa Fuerte barked, gesturing at one of his henchmen assistants, then at a veritable pile of brochures sitting on his desk.

“Er, it’s all the suitable candidates for a replacement for your car,” the nearest one explained, before he was grabbed by the tie, his face jerked uncomfortably close to Papa Fuerte’s huffing visage.

“Do you think I have time to read through all of these? How many are there, two thousand? I’m not asking for a diamond studded throne!”

“Sir, we just thought that if you wanted to pick a car it would be one to your liking-” the henchman’s voice cut to a squeak as his tie was suddenly tightened around his neck.

“After this long I would trust you know at least something about what I am after! Just throw out the shit ones and narrow it down to something I can manage in a day!”

With that he shoved the assistant away and stormed off. While smoothing over his shirt, the hapless assistant exchanged glances with the other and they shrugged. It was time to get to work.

Papa Fuerte is a Cuban-American in his mid/late fifties. A true local to New York, he makes it his mission to mingle with the locals and to represent them. What kind of car would a man of his stature, but also his values, want? Old school American, of course! But in this turbulent time, there were changes on the horizon and with them brought the promise of… well, was it improvement? And where from, overseas? Therein lay the challenge of trying to predict the future in a land which couldn’t see its own through the smoke and haze.

At least it was easy enough to look at all the technical specifications and immediately eliminate all the cars that were simply unsuitable for the purpose.

The good news is: none of you got binned for failing the technical regulations of submitting itself.

So with that out of the way, here comes the fun part.

Binned for: You Clearly Didn’t Show Up to Papa Fuerte’s Self-Improvement Internship Program

while the round was open to interpretation there were clearly some requirements that should have been read before submission

@Mikonp7 1973 DeerAndHunt Tines Standard MkII

Yep you got instabinned yet again in one of my challenges. Did you not read the rules where I said use radials!? :joy:

Also it was more expensive, looks like a muscle car, not as comfy because the cabin size is obviously a bit cramped. And doesn’t hit reliability target. It’s like you’re trying to find more ways to get insta :wastebasket: each time you enter a round I host lmao.

Binned for: Being Deadly At Any Speed Faster Than Walking Pace

@bigDave02 1975 Cambridge Orinoco 2-Door Hardtop

Papa Fuerte may be the self-proclaimed King of his little hamlet in the Bronx, but he doesn’t want to be The Juggernaut, bitch, much less ride in an unstoppable force which will plow straight into the nearest shop front the moment it hits regular road speeds. Yes, I know I said brake fade wouldn’t be a big deal but when your stopping distance is twice that of most of the other cars I have to draw the line somewhere.

Also, worst fuel economy by a margin. Yes, these cars were thirsty. But this one was going a bit too far.

Also, staggered tyres is a thing in a different class of car, which brings me to the next dumpster fire…

Binned for: Why Would You Put That In There? :eggplant: :poop: :weary:

some things just do not happen in this class of vehicles. This includes things like staggered tyre sizes and auto lockers, this is not a muscle car and isn’t really trying to pull one tyre fires let alone elevenses ffs

@Lordred 1978 Pulsar Glydamatic 225

Mechanically speaking, this is a clear demonstration of how you can make a car simply better by being as unAmerican as you can get. But weird choices like the semi-clad undertray and the staggered tyres really didn’t jive. And in the end, 4 seats was allowed but almost everything else on offer had at least 5.

And I’m sorry but I have to post this:


The reason I’m sorry I posted it is because as a :peach: guy, I now have erectile dysfunction.

@Jaimz 1978 FM InterState

Aside from being a swing and a miss on the styling, it also featured a number of eyebrow-quirking choices, but none so much as the auto locker. Yes, I definitely think the clunking and herky-jerky transition from driving straight versus turning enhances my ride comfort! :weary:

Perhaps not coincidental then that this had the worst comfort score in the entire lineup.

@MONARCH 1978 Majesty S640 Deluxe

This one was the Automation equivalent to your mother finding your entire stash of Bad Dragon :tm: toys in your sock drawer. Featuring:

  1. Auto locker
  2. a downsized engine with the fuel economy of a full fat V8 block
  3. a semi-clad undertray
  4. the only performance air-filter element in the entire lineup for that extra comfort enhancing engine noise
  5. the only entry to make extensive use of the negative tech slider

So yeah try not to use negative tech sliders in Automation unless it’s absolutely necessary (or it’s the Safety tab and you want to strategically lighten your car…)

Binned for: But Muh Lore :sunglasses:

I told you that it doesn’t matter if it’s a lore part of your company, if Papa Fuerte doesn’t like your car, then fuck your company lore!

@thecarlover 1976 Mont Royal Montcalm Phaéton

50 shades of pootine makes an entrance with a paint job Papa Fuerte will immediately wrinkle his nose at, a V12 he will immediately frown at, and a price tag that will immediately have him exclaim “the people are gonna think I’m trying to screw them! I’m not like that, I’m not about this!” I literally warned you that just because something is lore doesn’t mean the customer’s gonna like it. I meant it.

Also seriously I saw you ruminating over that paint job on the Discord. I was bound by fairness not to say anything but I really wanted to say how did you spend that much time trying to figure out which shade of canopy to use when they all looked like shit? :joy:

Binned for: How did you even do that? :cold_sweat:

having a decent size data set means the outliers become really obvious… that’s gaming for you

@Fletchyboy100 1978 Brantan Del-Rey 454

I had to go back over my notes to figure out how this car had the worst drivability and the highest cost by a BIG margin (even more than that V12). It was probably the +5 dual 4 barrel carbs that did it, and then this:


This is beyond boaty, it’s more like trying to surf a Hawaiian swell in a tinnie.

@HybridTronny 1973 Cailloux S-GT Vista

You’d think it was easy for a smaller car that was clearly not American to excel, but our Gravel Pebbles entry here somehow managed to be one of the most expensive, one of the least reliable and seated only 4! I guess if the aim was to go Full French mission accomplished? :joy:

Binned for: That’s Just Not How Any Of This Works

Automation is a historical account of the mainstream successful engineering ideas of the times. Less so for accounts of technologies that… literally aren’t in the game so you try to make it out of something that it isn’t

@ST1Letho 1976 Akari Regalia VI

So when I got this car and even before I opened the file, the message said something like “I put a turbo on this not because it’s a turbo but to simulate a form of induction that wasn’t invented yet”.

Then I opened the car file.

This is pretty much a concept car from outer space. The creators may think it’s all innovative and futuristic and all the rage and stuff, but like put yourself in the shoes of a 1970s Bronx kingpin 50something year old Cuban-American male. They gonna see that, they not gonna touch this newfangled Unidentified Driving Object bizzo with a ten foot pole. They gonna run for the hills. And really don’t try to make something in the game that isn’t in the game coz then you get massive amounts of confusion even before pulling different levels of language proficiency into the mix (it took a while on Discord before we worked out that what Letho wanted was Variable Length Intake Runners which… doesn’t work like a turbo at all lmao).

Also the tyres are fat yes I’m fat shaming your tyres you kinky bastard.

yeah I know they’re not actually that wide but this is a funny ad

EDIT: because I’m a nice guy


Okay I think that’s it for the first round of instabins… which means that if you get binned in the next round at least it wasn’t an instabin!


Your first round of cuts left me in stitches - but it reminded me that a lot of stuff didn’t belong on Seventies Yank tanks, and there are lots of good reasons why.

Edit: I am now imagining Papa Fuerte taking a look at the binned entries… and deciding that each and every one of them should be best disposed of by blowing them up with a bazooka.


Some of these are hilarious, especially the one that was using ,of all the things, a turbo charger… By the way Can someone link me to an explanation of what variable length intake runners are please? Ive never heard that terminology and i am intrigued about it


Google is your friend. You can use it to search for things you don’t know about and gather information about it. I found this, along with 2.28 million more results in about 2 seconds ;)))

On topic, rest in peace binned entries. Super excited for the prelims and finals, first Stop round many of us have been in!! Can’t wait to be binned too!


The auto locker was a mistake. The tires were pretty daft though.


Yeah one of the central challenges of this round was to mitigate wheelspin through being malaise even though that meant the rest of the car was… inferior. This was a round about managing expectations around inherently inferior choices by not compromising on the higher priorities.

Part 2a: The Bin-en…ing


Barely eleven in the morning and Papa Fuerte was already running out of tequila. He rubbed his head and groaned.

“Ok so… how many cars have you narrowed it down to now.”

The assistants exchanged glances. “Twenty three at last count.”

Papa Fuerte’s eyes bugged and he almost spat his drink out. “That’s too fucking many still! Do I pay you to sit on your ass? No! I pay you to help me get stuff done! So help me by putting together a shortlist. You know, a list. That is short!”

Just then the intercom buzzed. “Mister Cruz Inspector Moach is waiting for you downstairs.”

Muttering, Papa Fuerte fished his jacket off the hook. “By the time I’m back I want you to be ready to give me a tour of the shortlist. I want to be done by the end of today, alright?”

Then he was through the door, leaving his assistants with their work cut out for them.

Now that the obviously unviable entries had been weeded out, that still left a big chunk of cars that at first glance seem alright. But on a second glance, there were still quite a few that just didn’t pass muster or aimed at the wrong class or just had a few too many questionable choices.

Binned for: Cheap And Nasty

When your peepee budget small and it’s obvious

@EnCR 1976 Avantii Cellowood

A genuine malaise. Looks appropriate if a bit bland (least the top isn’t brown though, heh), doesn’t really stack up to anything else except in cheapness, where it excels (being cheapest by a margin). It’s passable as a car of the era but why have passable when you can have passable and good?

The boys knew that there were much stronger in the field so this was an easy bin.

@mart1n2005 1978 Valiant Soleil

I couldn’t tell whether this car was attempting to be American or UnAmerican. The headlight covers were at least a decade behind literally the rest of the car, which would probably prove a bit too confronting to Papa Fuerte. And there is aero on this car. Why is there aero on this car.

While not particularly weak for the price it was still weaker than the bulk of entries that were most in line with what Papa Fuerte was looking for, so off the list it went.

@mat1476 1975 Lafayette MKIII Signature Coupe V8

Honestly, it was a decent looker even if there were some odd (read: distinctive) styling touches. Especially that side profile. But the eyebrow quirking features kept piling up: why are the internals forged when they didn’t really need to be, why sell yourself short on the mufflers and end up with the second loudest engine in the lineup, how is this car one of the least comfortable when it runs on hydropneumatic suspension… and how did it end up so cheap despite everything. It was already clear quite early on that this one wouldn’t hold its own either, so out it went.

Binned for: Expensive and Nasty :dollar: :dollar: :dollar: :dollar:

Because in America, why go for Cheap and Nasty when you could pay even more for the same? Yay consumerism!

@PigEqualsBakon 1975 Buckler Broadsword Finale

Well there’s no shortage of badge identity on this one. Couldn’t otherwise fault the styling too much. But where it became an uphill battle was that there were too many seats, impairing some key attributes and somehow ending up significantly more expensive for less where it mattered. To be fair “nasty” is an exaggeration, but something about the setup of this car left it at a huge disadvantage despite such things as the fancy 4 speed automatic.

Binned for: Which Decade Were We In Again?

I know it’s almost the 80s already but Papa Fuerte’s body may not be ready for this

@Conan 1978 BKOO Moonlight

Conan wasn’t kidding when he said New Age. I mean just look at this:


To be fair it’s not period incorrect. The Ford Fairmont starting from 1978 was of a similar template and as far as this kinda car goes it’s actually a good rendition. But is it the template Papa Fuerte wants? Sadly not when you sacrifice significant amounts of comfort and prestige for the sake of the zeitgeist.

I’ll also make special note of the only 3 piston vented discs in the lineup. That in itself was hardly a binnable offence but it did quirk the ole eyebrow slightly.

Binned for: Being What It Is :sleeping:

When you don’t feel strongly about anything so you just hang out at Meh Park

@abg7 1978 Morton Primarch Deluxe

Some say that designing cars requires some kind of human passion. I say that’s a load of wank. This car here proves that with enough stated parameters you can pretty much get an algorithm to design a car to be approximately acceptable for the purpose.

Except of course I do happen to be a giant wank- I mean in every single way while this car was acceptable it also turned out to be not quite as good in any given relevant metric (including appearance) as entries from human players.

right I’m taking a nap, part 2b out later tonight


Part 2b: Electric Bindaloo

kinda reminds me the super hot Indian curry experience… coming out the other end. Red ring of death anyone?

Binned for: Trying Too Hard

is that an accusation of minmaxing I smell?

@Human89845524 1978 Phoenix Empire 75 DHC

Contrary to what my title suggests, there was not one single thing that brought this entry down, but rather a progressive series of “eh this isn’t quite it”. First things first, even from the photos the styling was a bit, err… un-groovy and the rear end did little to cure my Lordred-afflicted ED. When you have 4 corner independent suspension, fancy vented disc brakes and a special 4 speed auto the expectations go up. That it also had handmade seats (with only a Premium 8 track player) was both a drawcard and a drawback: also thanks to the 2x 4brl carbs the reliability barely squeaked over the line. And then of course, as feared, the tyres were way over regulation :joy: This is where I should have used the Fandango Cigars ad.

Metrics wise the car was strong in important areas. But the way it got there left it vulnerable, just like Papa Fuerte’s assistant showing him the photo of this car would leave his noggin vulnerable to a glassing. Better not risk it.

Binned for: This Just Ain’t Quite Right

in the head

@DoctorNarfy 1977 Stonewall Virginia II

After cutting my hand on the edge of the naming, I then actually looked at the car.

American? Yeah.

Looking like the right kinda car? Nah not really.

I mean the ad kind of says it all:

For people who like their sporty cars luxurious.

And then as if that weren’t enough it tries to drive the point home:

For people who like their luxury cars sporty.

Who the fuck said anything about a sporty car in this round :joy: As (we think) James May said about this kind of car, anybody who would have thought of the words “sporty” would have been fired.

And then the car goes on to have zero sportiness anyway so whatever I guess lmao

Other issues included a disappointing comfort level for being one of the few entries with a handmade interior, … and me having no idea what to make of the choice of Light Truck Monocoque chassis. It’s not something I pinged the entry for, as I assumed this was to simulate that it was a part monocoque shell but laid over rails I guess?

okay here’s where the binning gets actually physically painful because ngl this was a pretty strong showing this round.

@GetWrekt01 1978 Marvin Northwood 434

I’m not saying anything about using the 2010s design studio to advertise this car, no siree :joy:

On the flip side, and while it didn’t affect my judgement I am going to say that’s some really impressive work on making the windows transparent and putting the interior in. I really can’t get the fucking interiors to sit right but a pro-tip: now is a good time to switch from the Negatape to Chickenbiscuit’s body shaping kit as that conforms better

Also this is one of the most realistic outputs for an engine in a PLV of its time (can’t say the same about its overdone carbs). At first I said “wtf why does this have 500Nm I bet it’s coz Wrekt is one of those bogan boofheads who dreams of tooling around in one of those discontinued Holden Statesman cars or something” but actually after checking over some things I realised that it’s actually hard to create Automation cars that get the right curves in this period (and for OHV in general). So I retract that comment. Or rather, I won’t say it as a criticism. Of the car. For this round. You’re still a boofhead Wrekt

So after all that why is this car getting the bin? Well… honestly… the first impression is that it looks quite nice… but more muscle than anything which isn’t quite what Papa wants. The second impression is that it’s decent where it matters… decent not outstanding despite a couple of more advanced features… which means that it would have stuck around longer had it also not been significantly more expensive than several stronger entries.

So, uh, sorry, but this is where you get mentioned…



It was at this point that I realised that based on meeting the brief everything else has taken an approach I can’t actually fault. So I can’t really call it binning anymore.

What this means for Papa Fuerte’s assistants however, is that he’s gonna have to go around and look at 15 cars (by my count). This is 5 more than they were hoping to have, but maybe they can squeeze it in on a tighter schedule…


OOF… Tbh fair enough… i should have made the rear styling a bit more unique and should have used more reliable fuelling and more conventional componentry (read conventional as CRAP) to be fair i should have given it a restyle and a more presetigeous interior. but Fair is Fair. i did think about using the standard american componentry ( live axels, 3 speed gearboxes, and shudder… drum brakes) but sound engineering sense won over ameican engineering sense and tbh i never liked it in the first place… (honesetly, pushrod!!! in 78?!? who does that?)
im glad it didnt get instabinned, and good luck to those who havent been thrown out of a window yet. also minmaxing? thats a low blow


Okay so I have a genuine question about horsepower…

With 70’s American cars, we saw the switch from gross horsepower to SAE net horsepower, which added all of the accessories to the engine, and decreased the numbers. Does Automation account for this, or do engines in, say, 1978, make way more power in Automation than they do in reality? Or is that backwards?

Asking for a friend… definitely don’t have a nuke under my hood.


Backwards. Automation figures are always net IIRC.

Which definitely means that this is your engine:


I love the write up, I can’t wait to read the results haha


don’t judge me, I just ripped the line off an old pontiac advert

Yeah, I knew luxury was pretty crap for being handmade interior. I could have got about 4 points more had I gone luxury/luxury and just distributed my quality better into things like steering, but I was like fuck it, full meme.

As for the chassis, yeah it was meant to simulate a partial monocoque. That’s what the original Falcon/mustang did. Chassis rails in the front/rear section and monocoque in the middle. Not that that would be entirely obvious.

thank you for coming to my ted talk ok bye


Yeah cool I knew it was a used construction but wasn’t sure which cars had it (coz everybody knows more about this era than I do so why I chose this theme IDFK lmao). I have zero idea if it made any net difference stat wise.


It was basically identical, say for a much higher safety score. You can really minmax old cars with light truck chassis because it saves ET compared to monocoque while being just a smidgen worse than it in terms of comfort, although you do pay for it in the weight department. Not that weight matters in a round like this, lol.


Part 3: Papa Fuerte Now Actually Has To Look At The Cars

“Fifteen cars, fifteen!” Papa Fuerte was not exactly pleased at the size of the task ahead of him.

“Sorry sir, it’s just, there’s only so much we can weed out without you actually… seeing the cars.”

“Well these ones better be worth the time then.” Papa Fuerte took a deep breath. Remember, this was going to be him and his image for the next however long. So he might as well get it right. He rolled his shoulders, limbering up. “Lead the way men.”

Since there are more finalists than I expected, I will switch from full prose to a breakdown of the specific reactions Papa Fuerte has, in stages as aforementioned. This will go in order of username.

@Arn38fr 1975 Watson NoMad

Initial Impressions: “No Mad? Why would I be mad?” After this initial confusion, Papa Fuerte actually looks at the car. It’s big and bold. The flavour touches are a bit specific.

Getting In: Everything seems to be in order here. Leather, top of the line speakers. Good old American construction.

Driving Around: Solid and boaty but not in a bad way. Goes adequately, stops adequately, rides fine.

Overall: seems like a benchmark to match the old car, so the perfect way to set the standard for comparison.

@bobloblaw 1972 Ventnor Priam Coupe D’Grande

Initial Impressions: This colour reminds me of my office. I’m not sure that’s a good thing. Otherwise can’t fault the overall feel of it.

Getting In: Oh wow is this comfy, nevermind what I said earlier, this is way better than the office.

Driving Around: Purrs around quietly for something of its size. The bulk is clearly felt on the streets but not unduly difficult. Very thirsty though, that may be a problem in this day and age!

Overall: Another solid entry with a huge comfort boost. The independent suspension all-around is not unheard of but definitely confers a big comfort and drivability advantage. Poor engine reliability hampers the overall reliability and barely squeaks through.

@ChickenBiscuit 1978 LMC Ares Brougham

Initial Impressions: Wow this is new, but it has some real impact to it. A bit smaller but no less imposing.

Getting In: Top class inside just like the outside.

Driving Around: This is a familiar feel, with the front wheels being driven (just like the old ride), but it’s easier to maneuver than before. This newfangled engine technology is also quite a step forward.

Overall: Takes full advantage of some of the advancements to put together a strong case for a reasonable price. Despite being a downsized model is one to beat.

@Ezdmn 1978 Mondo Atlantica Series d’Elegance

Initial Impressions: This is a bit different! Not bad different… just what one sees up front creates a different expectation when moving towards the back. Must be because the front looks heavy and squarish but the back tapers off and the top is open. But I could get into it.

Getting In: The seats are even nicer, but the sound system is not as good.

Driving Around: upon starting the engine what is this? That doesn’t sound like a V8… drives so smoothly though and drinks significantly less fuel.

Overall: Appropriately named car, which certainly sells a downsized i6 well… but what about a really well sorted V8?

@GassTiresandOil 1973 Highland Lausanne

Initial Impressions: There’s something slightly awkward about the styling, like the pieces are there but they don’t quite fit the shape.

Getting In: Everything is in its right place… a phonograph? Keeping it old school!

Driving Around: Somehow the exhaust note is louder than expected. Feels lighter up front, too, but still pleasant to drive. Not too thirsty either.

Overall: A decent lighter package with some value for the price, but for its slightly incongruous look. Side note, I thought it would have been more likely this had a cat since it was using 91RON.

@Machalel 1976 ALM Boston Grand Special Deluxe

not pinging you over the ad at all, I appreciate you had some serious PC issues

Initial Impressions: What a crafted work of… look I hesitate to call this art. The effort that went into it is definitely clear. There are just some really strange angles to it.

Getting In: Double benches not in the majority here but not unexpected given the size of the car. The speakers were again not as good as the seats. But the size and bulk, this gives a real sense of security.

Driving Around: Can’t fault the ride at all really. The drive, it’s heavier than average.

Overall: The biggest drawback here is the reliability, being almost the worst of the remaining candidates. Its closest match is the Ventnor Priam.

@MasterDoggo 1978 Jaspers Chevalin 400


Initial Impressions: It’s not the fanciest, but it is right and does what it needs to.

Getting In: Huh, it’s not as big inside as it looks from the outside. There’s barely room to put the records!

Driving Around: It features a hydromatic 4-speed, the newest brake technology, and advanced levelling springs and yet… and yet it doesn’t seem to be as smooth or facile as some more traditional models, which is strange.

Overall: Just barely on the more expensive side of things presumably due to the advanced technologies and fittings, and the larger footprint, but somehow it doesn’t translate to the strongest package.

@Maxbombe 1977 Pusilanime Virtuous

Initial Impressions: Holy shit! Qué candela!

Getting In: This may not be the biggest but there is plenty of room, but a big drawback: it only seats four.

Driving Around: It has more go than expected, and also feels lighter than expected, but the drive is still very settled.

Overall: On the cheaper side of things, it is a decent proposition for the price point. The looks are a big drawcard, but the lack of a 5th seat in a field full of 5 seaters gives much pause for thought.

@Ryan93 @MGR_99 1976 Elwood King Brillare

Initial Impressions: Gaudy and big. Very gaudy. I am not exactly complaining about its ostentatious touches, it is still classy.

Getting In: On the cosier side, but the seats are a bit extra as is the sound system.

Driving Around: On mostly traditional construction principles, this is a fair driver. Not a brilliant one, but fair, as is the fuel consumption.

Overall: It costs less than expected given the materials that went into it, and yet it still potentially lives up to its royal name.

@On3CherryShake 1978 Farox Royal Oak Brougham 400

Initial Impressions: squinting at brochure “how many of these have Brougham in the name?” (hint: quite a few)

This one I like. It’s clean, it’s solid, it’s imposing.

Getting In: Adequate space, good seats, but one of those that pitched a bit low on the sound system.

Driving Around: Wow this has a bit of go in it! (Second most powerful car in the lineup, and the other one had less than 1hp more and was insta-binned). Can’t be too careful on the gas around town. On the thirsty side, too.

Overall: The engine, while not actually a nuke, dealt the car some significant penalties on comfort, drivability and fuel economy, ending up being faster than some of the “sporty” aspirational entries.

@ProfessorP3PP3R 1978 Silver-York Margrave Brougham “Signature Edition”

Initial Impressions: Madre de dios! It’s a fucking chandelier! Somebody really went full arts and crafts here, no? Am I looking at a chandelier?

Getting In: So this is what they mean by downsizing, eh? Wait, the front is a bench and the rear has a center console, that is unique. On the cosy side for sure… but nice seats and speakers. Good interior atmosphere.

Driving Around: This one too is a bit of a wild one, a bit feisty. Not to be driven in anger.

Overall: Overall a good package for being a downsized car. Its chief disadvantage is that the larger engine in a lighter car, plus the (relatively) short first gear hampered its drivability to the point of being quite noticeable.

@Spot (AfterDark3) 1978 Contra Cheiftain Brougham Du Soleil

Nice speilling bro.

yes I know you got it right in the ad but you got it wrong in the filename hahahahaha

Initial Impressions: Spends about two minutes staring at the flair touches beneath the headlights Well everything else seems to be in order.

Getting In: No objections here aside from the sound system being a little less.

Driving Around: Is there a leak in the cabin somewhere? The exhaust note is a bit louder than expected. Stops quite sharpish (one of the shortest braking distances, which I’ll reiterate wasn’t exactly a criteria but obviously contributes to the driving experience…)

Overall: An overall well-rounded entry with a couple of weird quirks: Why a straight through then reverse flow muffler… Best brakes and way more reliable than the rest.

@titleguy1 1976 Rigore Anubis Hampton Sedan 232

We’re not telling Europe that at all. No siree.

Initial Impressions: Papa Fuerte frowns and rubs his chin. Immediate concerned looks from the assistants Help me out here boys. Is this supposed to be a muscle car or not? After some deliberation he realises that it’s not and opens the door muttering to himself Could have fooled an old codger like me.

Getting In: Yes, this is good, this is fine, all is well now.

Driving Around: His ears prick is this engine alright? Upon explaining to him that this is actuall a Boxer 6 he shakes his head in bemusement ahhh these newfangled ideas. This ride is a lot firmer than anything else so far. It… it’s easier to drive. Lighter. Less thirsty.

Overall: It’s a good car for an interloper that managed to not get binned because it wasn’t as obvious as the other “sports cars”. It just looks a little different, has a different approach, is tuned a bit different (almost the sportiest of the bunch). Is it too much for Papa Fuerte to take in? Especially that the tradeoff for new ideas is that it’s also one of the least reliable…

@Xepy 1978 Edelgard Grand Empress Series 400 Coupe 3 speed

Initial Impressions: This one’s a big one, a grand one, a familiar one.

Getting In: Just right. Plenty of room, great seats and great sound.

Driving Around: After driving all the smaller lighter models it becomes apparent what the effect of driving something big and heavy around is, but this car doesn’t suffer much for its bulk. And it’s as quiet as can be. Impressive.

Overall: While not the most, say, eye-catching, this is a strong overall package, one which ticks many of the “traditional old man” boxes in Papa Fuerte but also starts conforming to future standards. And where it compromises it is much less apparent.

@yangx2 1974 Innis Evergreen

Initial Impressions: I am in absolute awe at the size of this- I mean, wow, this really does look the business.

Getting In: Definitely could get used to this, with plenty of room and plenty of everything I want.

Driving Around: Huh, I’m never really in a hurry, but… what’s under the hood anyway? Now let’s try stopping at the- woooooooah okay so this barge needs a bit of a runway!

Overall: In terms of land barge this is the size and stature for it alright. Too bad it also comes with the stop and go of a barge haha.

Alright thems the comments! Let’s see which ones Papa would sit in again…

1975 Watson NoMad: It ended up being the benchmark entry, which meant nearly half the field was… better than it. So no.

1972 Ventnor Priam Coupe D’Grande: The comfiest entry but also the thirstiest and least reliable, so this one doesn’t make the list either.

1978 LMC Ares Brougham: It may be smaller, but it’s a good smaller. This is on the list.

1978 Mondo Atlantica Series d’Elegance: That i6 is really playing a risky game but the car’s good where it counts, so it does make the list.

1973 Highland Lausanne: Pretty good but when compared to other cars of similar size it just falls a bit shorter in some critical areas, so it is a foregone conclusion that it would lose out to them. Doesn’t make the list.

1976 ALM Boston Grand Special Deluxe: Biggus Chungus also fell short in a couple of important areas and so does not make the list.

1978 Jaspers Chevalin 400: The choices made were designed to help it, but instead somehow it ended up not being as strong so doesn’t make the list.

1977 Pusilanime Virtuous: What a look! Is it enough to overcome some very important drawbacks? Papa can’t let this one go so it makes the list.

1976 Elwood King Brillare: Punching above its price point, it easily makes the list.

1978 Farox Royal Oak Brougham 400: as suspected that engine ended up being its downfall having cost it in all the important areas. Doesn’t make the list.

1978 Silver-York Margrave Brougham “Signature Edition”: It’s an attractive prospect, but prone to burning rubber, but still an attractive prospect. Makes the list.

1978 Contra Cheiftain Brougham Du Soleil: By virtue of being solid all around despite the muffler issue, and having something extra going for it, it does make the list.

1976 Rigore Anubis Hampton Sedan 232: This did well to make it this far, but the cover has been blown and the gig is up! Not ever good car is the right one for Papa Fuerte. Doesn’t make the list.

1978 Edelgard Grand Empress Series 400 Coupe 3 speed: The dark horse appears, using traditional methods and taking the fight to several more advanced models. Makes the list.

1974 Innis Evergreen: Yuge barge has all the yuge barge it needs, makes the list.

So after all that, it comes down to a choice between the following models:

  • 1978 LMC Ares Brougham
  • 1978 Mondo Atlantica Series d’Elegance
  • 1977 Pusilanime Virtuous
  • 1976 Elwood King Brillare
  • 1978 Silver-York Margrave Brougham “Signature Edition”
  • 1978 Contra Cheiftain Brougham Du Soleil
  • 1978 Edelgard Grand Empress Series 400 Coupe 3 speed
  • 1974 Innis Evergreen

Next up, Hard Choices!


Definitely no shame felt bowing out at this stage with this sort of competitive quality!

Talking about quality, I tried and tried, but had no luck getting better reliability without other stats suffering too much :\