YA DONE GOOFED, AGAIN
Submitted by NothingButRye but credited to @WelcometoCostcoILU. Yeah nah, better luck next time. Quick question though, how the hell did two entrants manage to get banned during the round?
@micz244 - Vernon Yosemite
Rolland really let their pickup be rebadged like this? Damn, no shame. Anyways, the engine in this was made by micz244 but the car itself? Sadly no idea.
A premium car obviously has to use Premium fuel as well
Uses 95RON and still among the slowest cars here, shame shame.
Hopefully 66mazda doesn’t see this because the engine variant year was set to 1985 instead of '88.
Uses 95RON. I was also sad.
Instabinned for having the engine variant year set to 1985 and the composition of the ad.
July 2nd, 1988. As the sun rises and fog clears from the hills of Hollywood, Nik and Eric are both waking up with big plans in mind for the day. As one heads out to the shops to find any car magazines he could, the other watches re-runs of “I Love Lucy” until he begins to think the world is actually turning black-and-white. A little over an hour later, Eric returns home with a stack of glossy dead trees in his hands.
Eric: "Here’s what I found. You know this car stuff better than I do, I’ll presume you can go through all of it on your own?
“The 2.7 6-cylinder in the Narwhal is a great unit, being outstandingly smooth with its power delivery… It’s nippy and even with the automatic gearbox, quick for this segment… Sadly it is one of the most expensive cars here that doesn’t include anti-lock brakes in the pricetag, only being beaten out in the sedan segment by the-”
“Among the most powerful cars here, the LCE LE5 features a chiclet keyboard and a whole 128kB of memory and- ah shit sorry, I thought I was reviewing a computer for a moment… Can be compared to the Narwhal in many ways, include the use of Double Wishbone suspension and ventilated brake discs front- and rear, similar levels of equipment, including the lack of ABS, and very similar running costs…”
“Cool name. The Kek is the only car here still stuck with an 8-track player and despite its American heritage, has just 4 seating positions… Power and fuel economy are underwhelming taking the size of the engine into consideration…”
“For the low price, the Icarus offers absolutely fantastic levels of equipment… The styling is odd, with the front styling sticking out with its curves next to the boxy lines of the rest of the car… This styling also hides the cars sporting characteristics, as it can speed from 0 to 62 in under 9 seconds…”
“Similar to the Icarus, the Constice has a great deal of options for a relatively low price… The interior fit and finish in particular is absolutely fantastic… Those tires though, talk about some honkers… Despite that, the styling overall is good, if nothing special”
Nik: "So, it seems I’m starting off with some 6-cylindered, rear wheel drive schport sedans. Right away, the I-Can-Believe-It’s-an-ABG-Car! can lick the boot for being the worst value-for-money among the five, thanks to the average equipment, average performance and average boot capacity. Picking nits, the Keelme is the next to go thanks to its 8-track player. I mean, is there anyone other than 40-something guys from Birmingham who still have 8-track tapes? I’d like to listen to Springsteen yelling about little girls with a high quality cassette tape, thank you very much."
"The styling and running costs weigh down IP Icarus too much, which leaves us with the BMMA and the Ebernhard. All things considered, the Narwhal has suspension tuned by the balance gods themselves, a larger boot and more attractive styling. While the Constice is good value for money, it just doesn’t win me over the same way."
The BMMA Narwhal is longlisted for the finals.
“The Trident Emerald is certainly an odd and perhaps even unattractive car, with its squished front end and details like outdated door handles, protruding fuel filler flap keyhole and long rear end… The engine is fairly powerful… Customer surveys however have revealed problems with reliability, with special note given to the engine…”
“It might look like it’s from the 70s but the Merlin 640 is indeed available in 1988. The problem originates with the sealed beam headlights, outdated door handles and mirrors and the large amounts of chrome laid over the body… As should come as no surprise considering the sporty aesthetic, the 640 does 0 to 62 in… 10 seconds. Tha’s explained by the underpowered engine…”
“The Bailey Stellar is an attractive sedan, even if the badges, trimmings and door handles make it look gigantic… Incredibly responsive, the Stellar is a very easy car to drive, owing to its AWD system… Fuel economy is surprisingly poor, reaching under 18MPG in normal driving…”
“Looking a little deeper, the Morton Gambol seems to be having a bit of an identity crisis… The interior is luxurious, nearing luxury car standards, but the ride quality is comparable repeatedly jumping on a rock to sit down… Odd features in the exterior design stick out, such as the tall boot and high bumper… Combined with the large taillights, the car looks smaller than it is…”
Nik: "Of these AWD sedans, the only one that impresses me is the Bailey Stellar. The Trident is fairly unattractive and unreliable, oh how the jokes write themselves, the Merlin has similar problems but is further brought down by the very loud engine and mediocre performance considering the pricepoint of… over $36000?? Christ on a bike, this is a hard no."
"The Morton looks good at a glance but further down, the suspension is just too uncomfortable and boot space too small."
The Bailey Stellar is longlisted for the finals.
“Don’t patrionize me. The Guntra is quite an average commuter, until you take a look underneath… A Double Wishbone suspension setup is found at the front AND rear, for seemingly little to no advantage… ABS comes as standard, but the system lags behind other manufacturers due to cheapening out with the design of it… The rear defroster is a truly mind-boggling abomination…”
@yangx2 - Honghu ZX572
“Honghu’s ZX572 is quiet, with smooth power delivery, making up for the lack of power… The interior is refined and very nice to sit in, faring well with the comfortable suspension… for the fairly basic setup under the body, the price is reaching high…”
“While overdone in places, the Yari Hime is an attractive sedan, especially in this beige… The fuel economy, sitting at just below 20MPG, is surprisingly poor for this class… The engine itself is fruity and gets the car going along well…”
@EnCR - AMB G150
“The AMB G150 is one of the smallest and cheapest cars here, going for just slightly under $18000… It’s cheap to buy, cheap to run, comfortable and dependable… Owing to the pricepoint and size however, the G150 is also a car that’s the hardest to avoid causing a crash with and the most difficult to survive in, as no major safety features are standard…”
@Quotex - Makina Corus
“The Makina Corus is literally everything you’d expect from a compact Japanese shidbox. The 1.8 has just enough power to get the car moving without the acceleration having to rival that of a glacier… Fuel economy is outstanding in this comparo, at over 31MPG… The styling, if a little dull, is attractive…”
@Repti - Rhisuki Tabi
“An attractive and well thought out, the Rhisuki Tabi comes across as a well refined sedan, especially with the engine… The ride quality is among the very best in the segment, making every ride a joy… Oddly however, the front and rear brakes are equally sized at 275mm… While similar to the Yari Hime, the styling is attractive and clean…”
Nik: "Oh there’s nothing quite like a four cylinder beige box, is there? Well starting off with the Makina… yeah. It sure is a car. It does everything well, and that’s about it really - there’s nothing where it really stands out in, and the same can be said for the Yari. It looks great but the fuel economy and ride quality fall on their faces, especially compared to what it’s going against."
"The Blaire and AMB are both cheap but unlike the Makina, have their problems holding them back. The Blaire has multiple confusing design choices made on it, wouldn’t expect anything else, and the AMB is just not enough cash money. Spending a few grand more for ABS is a pretty good investment, right? Choosing between Honghu and Rhisuki is a different thing altogether though, both are strong performers that excel at different categories… I’ll leave this decision for a little later."
The Honghu ZX572 and Rhisuki Tabi are longlisted for the finals.
“The Valiant Nevada is just good… For $24000, the equipment list is good and the V6 well designed… The engine can however get loud in city and highway driving…”
"With its powerful 2.6, the P70 is among the sportiest cars here, and also one of the most overengineered… The underside of the car has been completely covered up, using a limited-slip differential and featuring ventilated brake discs, front and rear, the P70 feels like a little too much… Plus the taillights are enormous… "
“Ignoring the van proportions, the Legion Monticello is a classic showcase of the not-so-classic American luxury car… The suspension has been lifted from a bouncy castle, making the ride as smooth as running your face across a mirror… The engine is tried and tested, offering good power and being very dependable…”
“The Kerberos, with its massive slabs of chrome on the sides, is not among the finest looking cars here… Understeer is predictable and controllable, while the ride quality is good… The boot is spacious and there’s ample room for people inside… Sharing a similar problem with cars encountered earlier, the 4CT27 simply doesn’t shine brighter than other cars in any category. This isn’t to say it’s a bad car, far from it…”
Nik: "We’ve got four FWD V6s here and right away I’m gonna wave goodbye to the Auzenne. Not only is it overengineered, the Valiant and Legion offer better value for money here. Next up is the Kerberos, surprisingly expensive with little to show for it. Thatäs about it really, so I guess it just comes down to the Valiant and Legion. Sure, they might be similar on paper but man, that vinyl roof… I need it. I mean, I guess it’s also about as comfortable as sleeping on cloud and more practical, but who really gives a shit about that."
The Legion Monticello is longlisted for the finals.
Nik: "Welp that’s all the sedans gone through, I’d say this calls for a quick break. Lemme see, what’s the…"
Nik: "I’m sorry it’s 10pm? Excuse me? Christ, better check in on the other two then."
He walks to Christine’s room, just as Eric is finishing reading a bedtime story to her
Eric: "…until they both died of lung cancer. Good night honey."
Christine: whatever noises a 5-year old would make I dunno I don’t like children
Eric stands up, walks to Nik waiting in the hall and embraces his arms around him
Eric: "You know, I don’t think I could possibly be happier right now. Here, in our beautiful house, with the love of my life and a gorgeous daughter… with a son joining us soon. I honestly can’t wait because when that happens, my life will finally be complete…"
Eric: "We’re gonna have the family I’ve dreamt of the moment I met you Nik, and I don’t think anyone on earth could possibly be happier than me right now… Even if my parents still don’t approve of my existence in this form, I simply don’t give a single rat’s arse."
Nik: "Neato. Anal?"
2 am, on the other side of Los Angeles.
Andrey: "So, vat’s the plan?
Vlad: "Is simple. Ve keep a look out for red Sisten EXC in Hollywood Hills, it’s vat he drives. Ven ve see him, intercept his route and kidnap. As easy as 1, 2, 3."
Andrey: "Vlad, that’s about as brilliant as diamond! Then vat?"
Vlad: "Lock him up in cellar and replace him vith Alexander instead. Obviously, Alexander vill haff to get plastic surgery to look like him, but that’s no problem. Ven Taylor is kidnapped and Alexander gets plastic surgery, ve sent Alexander in his place and nobody vill notice difference."
Andrey: "That sounds expensive, are you sure it vill work?"
Vlad: “Of course, nobody noticed ven ve did it to McCartney.”