As the sun comes up and night rolls out, you can feel it starting all over again.
Nik: "hey yeah good morning who cares, is it normal to have a rash here?"
Eric: "I’m sure it’s nothing, I’ve also got something similar. Anyways, you gonna go through some more cars today?"
Nik: "Yeah aight’, feels like it’s been a week already anyways."
@Vri404 - Hanami EcoVan
“Among the three minivans, the EcoVan certainly showcases its van roots the most… Being dull may not be a crime but using two differently styled door handles within 20cm of each other certainly is… The inline-5 makes plenty of power, especially at the low-end…”
“This sexy beast shines with its fantastic interior fit-and-finish and attractive exterior looks… The engine is a proven unit, being both quiet, smooth and dependable… Compared to its competitors however, luggage space is lacking and has to be expanded by completely removing the third-row seats…”
@Tzuyu_main - Seikatsu GrandMaster
“The GrandMaster is really what the EcoVan should’ve been, another affordable, spacious and reliable flat-nosed van… When it comes to ride quality, the suspension is surprisingly spongy, another surprising thing being it’s equipped with a limited-slip differential…”
Nik: "Oh christ, shoot me why won’t you. To start off, the Hanami is out of the question as it’s just a tad too outdated for my liking. It has a 3-speed gearbox for example. And now, it comes down to the Rolland and Seikatsu. I repeat again: someone please shoot me."
"You remember that moment when you were a child, at the toy store with your mum and she told you “you can only have one of these toys?” Yeah, choosing between those two was harder than getting people to realize that black people are indeed also people. And here I am again, with that same decision… Do we go with the one that’s cheaper to buy and run or the one that’s fancier inside and better to drive? Eh to h ck with it, I’ll leave that decision for my d mned future self! Fuck him."
The Seikatsu GrandMaster and Rolland Marquet are longlisted for the finals.
“The Brantan Bourbon is a relatively attractive, reliable SUV with close to no hurdles… Specifications are very much fitting for a vehicle of this type with fuel economy comparable to that of an oil rig burning, acceleration times rivaling a traffic jam of snails and a genuine 4x4 powertrain, instead of simply AWD… The suspension however is surprisingly soft, leading to major body roll…”
@Jaimz - FM Overlander
“The FM Overlander is full of surprises, like the fact it’s nearly tied for being the most expensive of the group despite also being the smallest, featuring fewer fancy features than the rest and only having 4 seats… FM has done little to improve their safety kit since the 70s and it shows here… Styling can be described as odd, a few standouts being the small door handles and tiny running boards…”
@MrChips - Rebel A150 Atlantic
“The A150 Atlantic from Rebel is striving more towards being a large family cruiser, instead of a proper offroader. This is showcased with the lack of a proper 4x4 system, no locking diffs and no underside skidtray… 7 seats come as standard and while room in the third row might not be excellent, there is still plenty of room in the boot…”
@Xepy - Edelgard Mangonel
“Despite what its looks might suggest, the Edelgard Mangonel is very much up to date with its technologies… The interior offers extensive space for both the passengers and luggage, as should be expected from the exterior dimensions… Acceleration is also surprisingly nippy and while nowhere near sports car speeds, gets the beast moving just fine…”
Nik: "Guess the Overlander is an easy target, offers less for my money than the others and isn’t the greatest looking thing in the world, frankly. Sorry, I like being mean. Anyways, the Brantan and Rebel are fairly similar to each other, at least in size. The Rebel has two additional seats and should be safer, plus features more equipment so I know my choice between those two. But, and this is a big one, the Edelgard."
"To be fairly honest, despite being very similarly priced, the Mangonel doesn’t offer much above the A150, other than its gargantuan size. It definitely isn’t as easy to drive or park, or as cheap to run for that matter, and I’d say that’s enough reasoning to not keep it in the running. Looks good though."
The Rebel A150 Atlantic is longlisted for the finals.
Satira 220 (light blue), Norström N40 (dark blue) and Fujita Fusion (have a wild guess)
“With the exception of its Double Wishbone suspension at the front, the Satira 220 is very much your average commuter car… Owner surveys have showed the 220 to be among the most reliable cars on the market today, with very little to go wrong… For its size, space inside and room in the boot is plenty…”
@Reizei - Norström N40
“The Norström N40 qualifies under something the Swedes like to call “Överdriven, ja ja”… The bolted on turbo, while a low-pressure one, is a turbo nonetheless… Its skyscraper suspension is most likely related with the AWD drivetrain, but it only ends up hampering with the looks… As for the exterior looks, it ends up being relatively hodgepodge in nature, especially in part to some oversized elements such as the doorhandles and exhausts… There’s also a spoiler sticking out of the windshield, very nice”
“The Fuijita Fusion ended up being the cheapest car in this field and boy does it show… Compared to its rivals, there ends up being a lack of equipment installed, such as power steering and speakers that would be more than just a step above listening music through a tin can… Ride comfort is good, nothing noteworthy about it or the driving experience… The wheel-to-tire ratio is rivaling an industrial dump truck…”
Nik: "Huh, well this should be easy: the Satira does its tasks the best and won’t mean I’d have to sacrifice my legs in a crash. The N40, while not necessarily bad, just reeks of overdone design and engineering choices and that exterior… I like quirky cars, I don’t like cars that force their quirkiness into your heart."
The Satira 220 is longlisted for the finals.
“I’ll just take a moment to give a shoutout to the the madman going by @ACoolCrab, getting his forum username changed so the submission wouldn’t count as an instabin… Good to see the Swedes can still build something sensible, Olsson’s 4300 is a very attractive, very nice and very comfortable liftback… The turbo adds some actual beef to the engine, plus obviously helping with fuel economy”
“Style appears to be what MCA is banking on with the Virgo and while it definitely has some, certain design cues are questionable… Its teeny-tiny doorhandles and large overhangs make the proportions look confusing… It is one of the sportiest cars in this field however, especially with the 5-speed manual as it accelerates from 0 to 62 in under 7 and a half seconds…”
Nik: "Two six-cylindered large liftbacks? Sign me the hell up babyyy… at least for the Olsson. While both are good at being premium cars, the Olsson comes off as more refined and better looking, not much else to say. The MCA will be shot at dawn."
The Olsson 4300 is longlisted for the finals.
“As a wise man once said, the point of Mikon is to miss the point, either intentionally or unintentionally. Being the only pickup, the Neko T-”
Nik: "Nope nope nope, goodbye. It might be quick, it might be premium but in the end, it’s a pickup and it lacks some crucial reasons you’d go for one: it ain’t that cheap to buy and it ain’t that cheap to run. I have no doubt in my mind it’s good, I would doubt if it’s what we’re looking for though."
The Neko TX-1 isn’t longlisted for the finals.
Nik: "Right, next up is t-"
Noticing something from the window, he stands up and takes a look outside
Nik: “Huh, I could swear that van’s been circling this street the entire day… Odd. Anyhow, I’ve got some more people to make fun of. Can’t waste a single minute, y’know!”