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[Final results!] The Car Shopping Round 66: A car for a hero


The Meeting

Dick was completely transfixed by the strange apparition that sat on the tarmac in front of him. This was a real car? That existed in this dimension?

The V12 suddenly coughed to a halt, and out of the car stepped one of his employees - his name was Steven, right? He honestly couldn’t remember - and began to speak: “Sorry boss, took me a while to find it; couldn’t find a single dealer around here that had one, so I had to go far up north to loan ‘un”.

Dick found words again. “But I didn’t order…”, his sentence trailing off as he lost them again. Steven shrugged. “It was in the papers you gave us. Just doin’ my job, boss, that’s all”.

Dick didn’t answer. Instead, he laid his hand on the roof of the car and instantly yanked it back as the sun-heated metal burned his fingertips. He honestly would have preferred if they had passed right through instead. “Huh, must’ve misplaced the folder somehow”, he said to noone in particular.

Having gotten over the initial shock, Dick began to study the car in more detail

Pastijuni Motor Worx M3-ME1800

The M3-ME1800 was a strange creation indeed. The silhouette was very reminiscent of the Porsche 911, except the proportions were a little off. The front featured a pair of square pop-up headlights and a set of six round vents under the painted from bumper, while the rear had a pair of strange taillights and two cooling vents of an indeterminate shape. It was as if every single detail was designed to have no correlation to anything else on the car. The car sat on a set of disproportionally three-spoke wheels, wrapped in rubber-band thin tires, recessed into the wheel arches by just the right amount of wrong. It really looked like the car was on stilts. “Good amount finding a set of replacements for those”. Through the spokes he could see the all-round drum brakes. He knelt down and examined them further. Nope, they were not oddly shaped brake shields, they were indeed drums. Opening the bonnet he found… the trunk. Of course, this had the engine in the other end. He went around to the back and opened the the actual bonnet and found… another trunk. Wait, what?? It took him a moment to see the latch marked “engine compartment”. Oh, it was mid-engined? After what the car had thrown at him so far, he wasn’t too surprised. Through the maintenance cover he saw a very long and narrow engine block with two four-barrel carburetors sat on top. He counted the ignition wires. One-two-three-four-five-six. “Yep, definitely a V12”, even though he knew he couldn’t be certain that the other cylinder bank also had six cylinders; for all he knew it could have five, seven or the square root of thirteen.

For this test drive he decided to ride along. He stepped into the cabin and sat down in the plush wool seats. Daniel hopped in the driver’s seat and turned the key. The tiny V12 came to life and burbled happily behind them. He jammed the gear lever into first, and off they went.

Daniel’s comments: “I don’t understand; nothing on this car makes any sense yet somehow everything just works perfectly. It’s like if one of them old ladies built the Apollo lander out of crackers and a pair of old knickers. The thing corners like it’s on rails yet it’s tame as tame as yer dog. It’s got drums in the front yet stops on a time, over and over again. And bloody hell that engine note, it’s fantastic!”

Feeling more than a little shaken, Dick stepped out onto the tarmac. As much as he felt that the little car was an insult to all sensibilities, he couldn’t help but admire its craziness and how its designers made the most bonkers engineering decisions possible and yet somehow made it all come together into a reality-bending, universe-exploiting masterpiece of nonsense. Everything about the car was just the right amount of wrong, and for that he had to commend it.
It was not the car for their show, so much was clear; the strange tire sizes and complicated and very inaccessible engine were enough to eliminate it, and that made him glad since he wouldn’t have to nitpick things wrong with it. And with that, he made his way back to his car, to finally head home and process the events of the day.

The Deliberation

Well at home in his house, Richard Brown locked himself in his office, and started going through what he had learned during the day.

Pastijuni Motor Worx M3-ME1800: No. Just no. He didn’t even want to think about it.

Mount Royal Terrebone Turbo: Even if the car was a very well-designed family car, it was just that: a family car. Not a sports car. Definitely not a car for detective Spencer Steele.

Conan C21 Twincam Turbo: As much as he liked the styling, the car was just way too uncompromising; considering the design decisions, portraying it as someone’s daily driver was just too unconvincing. This car belonged on a race track, not the road, and only with some better brakes.

FM HiWay GT2000: Just as he had feared, the car was too slow. Add to that the brake issues and it was a no-go.

HSR Jester: A reasonable car with an unreasonable engine that was just too undrivable at low speeds.

Bogliq Belfast RS: Simply way too unpolished, and the engine too overstressed to be used for stunt driving.

LLA Moth V6: A bit too complicated of an engine to be trusted, and the wayward handling doesn’t help its case either.

Griffa Rogue V8: The car has one party trick, and one only: going as fast as possible while making as much noise as possible. However, at everything else it’s useless, and a one-trick pony can’t win the race.

Birmingham 2000 T-Top: Like the Bogliq it’s just too unpolished. Good idea, so-so execution.

Type SC Infinity: The car works best as a poster pin-up in a boy’s bedroom; in reality it doesn’t really hold up under scrutiny.

Having whittled down the original 20 odd cars down to just six, things became much harder for Dick. With none of the remaining cars having any actually fatal flaws he had to analyze them much more thoroughly. After many hours of thinking, he decided he wouldn’t get anywhere today, and decided to make the choice in the morning.

No final results just yet, sorry about that; I promise the winner will be revealed tomorrow, I swear on me mum! I want to make sure the finale is up to snuff, and that takes a little time, especially since I’m not used to writing stories.


Love it! Worth it just for that.

I rarely build off the wall builds, but when this CSR round came up, the idea hit me that I had to make a V12 drum brake, and make it work.


You must be pulling out all the stops to make the reviews as compelling as they can be, and given that they are always worth the wait, you deserve to be commended. As for me… I never thought my entry for this round would still be in contention at such a late stage.


The engine showed all greens when I exported it to you. I re-checked my car today and the car is now $200 more expensive, only has over 80% stats in two categories and the conrods have a 7% failure level on them…

I submitted a fully sorted car; Automation’s multiple hotfixes broke it!

This is just for the record, BTW, I’m not asking for a re-count or anything! I just don’t willingly supply cars with anything less than 100% parts reliability unless I’m attempting to make a hypercar!!! :nerd_face:


If anyone wanted to see what was up with the Meme car :slight_smile:

CSR-66 Lordred - Pastijuni M3-ME1800.car (27.4 KB)


19 comfort goodness. Even allowing for 2 seats, what’s with that body!?


Just as much of a meme as usual :ok_hand:


You don’t’ want to know what it looks like with 4 basic seats.

(4. A whopping 4. It’s less comfortable than a '46 Ardent Starlight 200 Special)


You managed to put the “wild” in “wild card”… It may not be a winner, but I have to applaud the insanity behind it!


The Decision

Thursday, 11:30 AM


The seconds hand on the wall clock slowly inched its way around the clock face.


The sound of crinkling paper pierced the silence as Dick yet again browsed through the documents on the desk in front of him. He let out a sigh. Since this morning he had managed to halve the number of candidates from six to three. First to go was the Komodo Inpiro S: while the car was decent mechanically, the styling wasn’t really appropriate for what Dick had in mind; it was just too gaudy. It was more the kind of car a chav would buy with money he really couldn’t afford to spend just to impress his friends; not the image Dick associated with Spencer Steele.
Next out was the Morton M20 Twin Cam, it’s styling being just a little too weird. It was a bit of a shame, since the car was decently tuned, but alas.
The final car Dick had managed to weed out was the Ardent Vizcaya GT V6. This was a harder decision to make than the other two; the styling was far more in line with what he had in mind, but in the end the car’s performance, especially the cornering, was just too mediocre compared to the other three. Had the car been cheaper he might’ve been willing to overlook it’s flaws, but at it’s current price it was no cheaper than two of the three finalists and actually more expensive than the third. Thus, it was out of the running.

Dick yet again studied the papers in front of him. Two of the cars, the BAM Paginza 622 and the Armada Talon 4S, were remarkably similar; both were low-slung sports coupes, both were very pretty and both were mechanically similar, down the engine displacement, configuration and even the fuel system. Both cars had their advantages; Dick personally preferred the styling of the Armada and it was definitely the faster of the two. On the other hand, the Armada also had more expensive tyres; even though 215 mm wide tyres weren’t unheard of, such sizes were more reserved for expensive luxury cars such as V12 Jaguars. Even though the cost wasn’t prohibitive, it was still an extra outlay.
The third car was an odd outlier; the Znopresk Z217 Sport wasn’t a sports car. It wasn’t even a coupe; it was a four-door sedan. Even though the Znopresk didn’t quite have the same flair as the other cars, it had one big advantage over them: its price. It was several hundred pounds cheaper than the other finalists. That in itself wasn’t anything special; some of the earlier candidates were even cheaper. What made the Znopresk so special was that it was cheap without making any big compromises; it was not much slower than the sporty Armada and almost evenly matched with the BAM, despite costing far less. Granted, it wasn’t as well-equipped, but that wasn’t really a concern for him.

Dick sighed yet again and rubbed his temples. Even though three cars was far better than 26, it was still two too many. After another moment of deliberation, he pushed the BAM aside. At almost the same price, the Armada was the more attractive car, especially with the better tuned brake system, expensive tyres be damned. This left him with just two cars, and the by far hardest decision. Comparing the two was truly an apples to oranges comparison; one was juicier and more succulent, the other far better value and less messy to eat.

As the clock hit noon, Dick made his decision. He reached over and picked up his desk phone. He then made a few calls, before putting it back down and heading through his office door. As the seconds passed by he felt more and more confident in his choice. And he only missed a few minutes of his lunch break!

The Premier

“Watch out!”

Spencer and Rick, his trusty partner of many years, ducked behind the pallets just in time before- RATATATA! A swarm of bullets whizzed over their heads and into the wall behind them. A few struck the boxes they were hiding behind, kicking up thick clouds of white powder. Spencer was pretty sure that it wasn’t flour but rather something much more potent. Just as the gunfire ceased and was replaced by frantic clicking, he sprang up from behind his cover and fired his gun. The baddie didn’t have any time to react before his chest erupted into a mist of red. With a final cough he collapsed onto the floor.

The storage hangar was suddenly quiet. After a quick peek around the room to make sure there weren’t any more gunmen, the two detectives emerged from their cover. The man they had just shot was yet another of The Jackal’s lackeys; the druglord himself was still absent.

“The bloody hell is that guy? I thought we’d cornered him this time-”

Suddenly, the silence was interrupted by a roaring engine and the screeching of tires.

“Goddamn it! He’s getting away!”

Spencer sprinted towards the open garage door. Just as he stepped onto the pavement he jumped back, narrowly avoiding being flattened by the speeding Jaguar. He quickly regained his balance, before legging it. The detectives bolted through the industrial complex; after a few blocks, Spencer saw what he was looking for.

“Quick! In the car!”

Spencer threw open the door, jumped into the driver’s seat and turned the key. The engine sprang to life with a raspy burble. Just as Rick vaulted through the open passenger window and landed head-first in the footwell he gunned the engine and took off, the front tires enveloping in a cloud of smoke. And just like that, the yellow Znopresk sped off into the night.

In the end, it was Dick’s rational side that won over his emotions. While the Armada was the car that made his heart beat faster just at the sight of it, he’d be foolish to ignore economic benefits of the Znopresk. After all, they were a business, and not only would they get six Z217s for the same price as five Talons, but combined with the simpler mechanics and cheaper perishables it was really a no-brainer.

Just focusing on the costs would not do the Znopresk justice, though, for it was a formidable car. Despite their obvious differences, both the Znopresk and Armada exuded a similar aura of undefinable ‘coolness’, and getting 95% of the ‘coolness’ for 85% of the price was just too good of a deal to pass up.

The first series ‘Fuzz Boys’ had mixed reception. While most papers and magazines were very impressed with the choreographics and stunt scenes, the show was criticized by others for its cookie-cutter formula and predictable plot. Dick was understandably not very happy about this.

“-and just look at what The London Times said: “Fuzz Boys’ great action scenes may appeal to the plebians and working class, but for the more cultured viewer it brings very little to the table with its shallow characters and tired premise and-””

“And I say they get fucked”, said Daniel. “It doesn’t matter what the pompous twats in their culture column think, the fact is the show is a hit”.

And it was true; despite the reviews the numbers were great, and it was very likely the show would be renewed for a second season. What’s more, the show boosted sales of Znopresk cars by a significant amount, which meant that if the show got a second season, Znopresk would give them cars. For free!

“…and I even got enough cash to buy me self a new car”.

“Oh really, what’d you get. An Armada?” Dick was curious.

Daniel smiled from ear to ear. “Even better”, he said and gestured toward the parking lot.

As Dick saw what Daniel was pointing at, his eyes widened. In the parking lot sat an all too familiar bronze-colored coupe, with its four-wheel drum brakes very visible through the massive three-spoke wheels. He turned toward his friend, and spoke:

“You’ve got to be fucking shitting me".


Contratulations! You now have the honor of hosting the next round!

A massive thanks to everyone who participated, it’s been great fun hosting the competition and I never ever want to do it again (and if I somehow have a lapse in judgement, please track me down and kick me in the nuts). Special thanks for waiting so patiently while I tried to cobble together something decent, I hope it was worth the wait.

For those that didn’t follow along, here are the top six:

  1. @NormanVauxhall
  2. @strop
  3. @Der_Bayer
  4. @VicVictory
  5. @abg7
  6. @koolkei


Ahhhhhh damn. I’ll confess, I really thought I had it won based on the appeal. And I was relying on something properly compelling to put some string on the bow for the company lore. But I’ll have to wait for another chance now.

and then to get bumped again by the meme car, now that’s just insulting bro

Still a very suspenseful write up and thanks for your efforts to get it done.

As mentioned before under no circumstances can I host.


“I wouldn’t shit you, you’re my favorite turd.”

If the first 6 cannot host, I think as the Wild card I can take a shot (only if the first 6 cannot)


It won’t go any farther than 4th. I can/will host if the others pass.

That said… I am very proud to place 4th, given the company I’m in.


What a way to wrap things up. I must admit that the little M20 is not the fastest car though, and even if it looked better, it wouldn’t have won anyway, given that it just barely snuck under the $10k budget cap. But for once my predictions about the results of this round were accurate. If the Armada and/or BAM didn’t win, then the Znopresk would, by virtue of its bang-for-buck factor - and that’s exactly what happened here.

And if I get a chance to host the next round due to other users passing on hosting duties, I will take it - I have a rule set ready and will refine it in the event I host a future round of CSR.


Wow! I was worried that a lore car, not designed with the competition in mind (FWD leaf spring) was too “less” but at the end the good tuning and the cheap price worked out.

Thank you very much @Chipskate for the great round of this CSR, I guess the advertisment of the Z200 successor for the UK market will feature Spencer and Rick.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to host a proper CSR round at the moment, so @strop can give it a go (if he can).


@Der_Bayer, it’s up to you. Would you like to host another round, or should VicVictory do it?


Sorry, too busy right now. @VicVictory It’s your turn! :slight_smile:


I’MA DOI IT! :smiley:

I have an idea floating around my head. I’ll have stuff up and posted in the next 24 hours or so.


can we have the positions of everyone please


That doesn’t happen. It would be a lot of addtional (and unecessary) work for the host to give a ranking of every submission. The list of finalists is just to know who to pass the torch to should the winner and some runner ups not be available to host.