Dick was completely transfixed by the strange apparition that sat on the tarmac in front of him. This was a real car? That existed in this dimension?
The V12 suddenly coughed to a halt, and out of the car stepped one of his employees - his name was Steven, right? He honestly couldn’t remember - and began to speak: “Sorry boss, took me a while to find it; couldn’t find a single dealer around here that had one, so I had to go far up north to loan ‘un”.
Dick found words again. “But I didn’t order…”, his sentence trailing off as he lost them again. Steven shrugged. “It was in the papers you gave us. Just doin’ my job, boss, that’s all”.
Dick didn’t answer. Instead, he laid his hand on the roof of the car and instantly yanked it back as the sun-heated metal burned his fingertips. He honestly would have preferred if they had passed right through instead. “Huh, must’ve misplaced the folder somehow”, he said to noone in particular.
Having gotten over the initial shock, Dick began to study the car in more detail
Pastijuni Motor Worx M3-ME1800
The M3-ME1800 was a strange creation indeed. The silhouette was very reminiscent of the Porsche 911, except the proportions were a little off. The front featured a pair of square pop-up headlights and a set of six round vents under the painted from bumper, while the rear had a pair of strange taillights and two cooling vents of an indeterminate shape. It was as if every single detail was designed to have no correlation to anything else on the car. The car sat on a set of disproportionally three-spoke wheels, wrapped in rubber-band thin tires, recessed into the wheel arches by just the right amount of wrong. It really looked like the car was on stilts. “Good amount finding a set of replacements for those”. Through the spokes he could see the all-round drum brakes. He knelt down and examined them further. Nope, they were not oddly shaped brake shields, they were indeed drums. Opening the bonnet he found… the trunk. Of course, this had the engine in the other end. He went around to the back and opened the the actual bonnet and found… another trunk. Wait, what?? It took him a moment to see the latch marked “engine compartment”. Oh, it was mid-engined? After what the car had thrown at him so far, he wasn’t too surprised. Through the maintenance cover he saw a very long and narrow engine block with two four-barrel carburetors sat on top. He counted the ignition wires. One-two-three-four-five-six. “Yep, definitely a V12”, even though he knew he couldn’t be certain that the other cylinder bank also had six cylinders; for all he knew it could have five, seven or the square root of thirteen.
For this test drive he decided to ride along. He stepped into the cabin and sat down in the plush wool seats. Daniel hopped in the driver’s seat and turned the key. The tiny V12 came to life and burbled happily behind them. He jammed the gear lever into first, and off they went.
Daniel’s comments: “I don’t understand; nothing on this car makes any sense yet somehow everything just works perfectly. It’s like if one of them old ladies built the Apollo lander out of crackers and a pair of old knickers. The thing corners like it’s on rails yet it’s tame as tame as yer dog. It’s got drums in the front yet stops on a time, over and over again. And bloody hell that engine note, it’s fantastic!”
Feeling more than a little shaken, Dick stepped out onto the tarmac. As much as he felt that the little car was an insult to all sensibilities, he couldn’t help but admire its craziness and how its designers made the most bonkers engineering decisions possible and yet somehow made it all come together into a reality-bending, universe-exploiting masterpiece of nonsense. Everything about the car was just the right amount of wrong, and for that he had to commend it.
It was not the car for their show, so much was clear; the strange tire sizes and complicated and very inaccessible engine were enough to eliminate it, and that made him glad since he wouldn’t have to nitpick things wrong with it. And with that, he made his way back to his car, to finally head home and process the events of the day.
Well at home in his house, Richard Brown locked himself in his office, and started going through what he had learned during the day.
Pastijuni Motor Worx M3-ME1800: No. Just no. He didn’t even want to think about it.
Mount Royal Terrebone Turbo: Even if the car was a very well-designed family car, it was just that: a family car. Not a sports car. Definitely not a car for detective Spencer Steele.
Conan C21 Twincam Turbo: As much as he liked the styling, the car was just way too uncompromising; considering the design decisions, portraying it as someone’s daily driver was just too unconvincing. This car belonged on a race track, not the road, and only with some better brakes.
FM HiWay GT2000: Just as he had feared, the car was too slow. Add to that the brake issues and it was a no-go.
HSR Jester: A reasonable car with an unreasonable engine that was just too undrivable at low speeds.
Bogliq Belfast RS: Simply way too unpolished, and the engine too overstressed to be used for stunt driving.
LLA Moth V6: A bit too complicated of an engine to be trusted, and the wayward handling doesn’t help its case either.
Griffa Rogue V8: The car has one party trick, and one only: going as fast as possible while making as much noise as possible. However, at everything else it’s useless, and a one-trick pony can’t win the race.
Birmingham 2000 T-Top: Like the Bogliq it’s just too unpolished. Good idea, so-so execution.
Type SC Infinity: The car works best as a poster pin-up in a boy’s bedroom; in reality it doesn’t really hold up under scrutiny.
Having whittled down the original 20 odd cars down to just six, things became much harder for Dick. With none of the remaining cars having any actually fatal flaws he had to analyze them much more thoroughly. After many hours of thinking, he decided he wouldn’t get anywhere today, and decided to make the choice in the morning.
No final results just yet, sorry about that; I promise the winner will be revealed tomorrow, I swear on me mum! I want to make sure the finale is up to snuff, and that takes a little time, especially since I’m not used to writing stories.