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Go West Deathtrap Tour [FINISHED]


#264

TEAM OUTRIDERS

(Team is asleep, Blake had to get up and take a piss, then went back to bed.)

(Old guy problems am I right?)


#265

Team Wagons West
10PM - 12AM
SFA


12 - 2AM
As above


2 - 3:59:59 AM
As above

4:00 AM
Wookiee’s, Toni’s and Beth’s phone’s all go off, the alarms set to play the “Annoying Thing/Crazy Frog” (and Wookiee had arranged them all surrounding Bill’s pillow).


#266

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 4AM-6AM

Weather Conditions: 71 degrees, clear

All vehicles are on I-84 West, I-86 West, or off the road for the night.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Hagerman Fossil Beds National Park, Old Fort Boise, Farewell Bend State Recreational Area.

Next Waypoint: 3 Island Crossing State Park, Emigrant Springs State Heritage Area.

VicVictory:
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1259 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -1 Notes: Team wakes up at 5 am and is on the road at 6 am. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1587 mi MRL: +2 FTG: -6 Notes: Team wakes up at 6 am and will be on the road at 7 am.

@Madrias
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1432 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -10 Notes: Team is asleep at Three Island Crossing SP. FUEL LOW.

@Jaimz
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1507 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -7 Notes: TEAM MORALE IS VERY HIGH. Team is asleep at the SpringHill Suites (Marriott) in Boise, ID.

@Vri404
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1507 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team wakes up at 5 am and will be on the road at 6 am.

@Zabhawkin
TBDC: 0 OD: 1466 mi MRL: +2 FTG: -5 Notes: Overall Distance is along the planned route. Team has gone tangentally off-route and has set up at Beaver Creek Campground in the Boise National Forest. Their stats will be corrected on track when they arrive in Boise the following morning. Team wakes up at 5 am and will be on the road at 6 am.

@conan
TBDC: 58 mi OD: 1490 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Team hits the road at 5 am. Team has refueled in Mountain Home, ID.

@Mythrin
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1375 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +0 Notes: Team wakes up at 5 am and will be on the road at 6 am. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 53 mi OD: 1428 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 55 MPH are now impossible. Team wakes up at 4 am and is on the road by 5 am.

@DoctorNarfy


TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1507 mi MRL: -2 (mostly just laughing about it) FTG: +0 Notes: Team is awoken at 530 am by a call from the Boise Police Department, saying they’ve found their car. Car was apparently stolen overnight and the thieves tried to use it to do a smash and grab on a store, but the body was so weakened the car’s passenger cabin collapsed unexpectedly and trapped the criminals.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1462 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -4 Notes: Team wakes up at 5 am and is on the road at 6 am. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@Dorifto_Dorito
TBDC: 61 mi OD: 1493 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Team is on the road at 5 am.

@stm316
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1507 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Team hits the road at 5 am, but also takes 1 hour at the Old Fort Boise Historic Site (Optional POI).

The following vehicles are in packs:

Team Glitterstorm

“Goooooooooooooooooooooooood mooooooooooorning!” Jen chirped gleefully.

Fuzz grunted and rolled over in his bed. This did not deter his sister, who was bouncing like an angry spaniel at the foot of the bed. He lifted his head long enough to grunt, “The hell is wrong with you?”

Jen smiled and held up an airpot. “Coffeeeeee!” she cackled. “They left it unattended. This one is yours. I’m about halfway through mine already.”

Fuzz bolted upright, equally horrified by his sister’s apparent pilfering as her mass, rapid consumption of caffeine.

“Do you need to run around the building to burn some of this off?” he groaned.

“Already did. Fifteen times. Can’t blink. Get up GET UP GET UP GET UP!” Her bouncing intensified, and Fuzz had no choice but to roll off onto the floor with a heavy thud.

Oh hell, this day is gonna suck, he thought.

Fuzz quickly showered and dressed, all the while catching glimpses of Jen guzzling more coffee than Team Outriders’ Petoskey drank gas.

They settled in Teal Terror, The Great Glitterstorm. Fuzz was reaching over into the back seat to retrieve their on-the-go breakfast when Jen turned it on, and again a cloud of glitter blew forth from the climate controls.

Jen giggled. “'I’M THE ROAD FAIRY!”

Jesus, Fuzz thought, rolling his eyes.

His efforts to dust the glitter out of his freshly washed (and still damp) hair were completely in vain, and he resigned himself to eating breakfast and drinking coffee, looking like an indignant sparkly vampire.


#267

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, 2-4a - “What A Snooze!”


(Team still sleeping. Trevor pissed on someone else’s tent in the middle of the night.)


Morale: +7 (NC)
Fatigue: +3 (-10)
Waypoints: 7
Status: Still sleeping. Fuel Required.


#268

I sew what you did there…
Sparkles, vampires, before the sun was up…


#269

Team ‘Southend Or Bust’

Original Post - Previous Post

The alarm went off, followed by the usual bunch of mixed groanings. None of the guys liked getting up early, unsurprisingly.

“Right, bagsy first in the shower, I’m desperate for one” said Seb.

Weirdly, despite how tired he was, Martin quickly picked up on what was going down. “Er, no” he said, sitting bolt up right in bed, “You take years to shower, and that’s before you’ve conditioned your hair three times”.

“Hey” fired back Seb, “My hair is important”.

“Oh you’re such a girl” said Martin looking over to him.

“Coming through ladies” said James, proudly; he bolted past, towel in hand and shut the door.

“Bastard” said Martin.

“Hey, you should have been prepared for this” said James, muffled from behind the thin bathroom door. “First come first serve with these things”.

Seb and Martin sighed. “Well don’t be too long, you’re just as bad” said Martin.

“I heard that you git” said James.


#270

Previous Hyperpost

Team Rice Box

Day 3 - 4am to 6am

Charlotte’s up first, slightly hung over from downing a few too many beers. She makes her way to the bathroom for a shower, mindlessly Texting her boyfriend back in Canada. Lyra wakes up about 10 minutes later, as Charlotte leaves the bathroom.
“You look tired,” Lyra says to Charlotte. Char just grunts.
“C’mon cheer the fuck up. I think this is the last day. You’ll finally be able to see your boy and your partner once we’re done.”
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. You’re talking too much for 5am.”
“Not as chirpy as you were yesterday?”
“Do we have any coffee here?”



#271

TEAM OUTRIDERS

(Sleep, precious precious sleep)

06:00:


Breakfast and getting on the road pending.


#272

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 6AM-8AM

Weather Conditions: 72 degrees, clear

All vehicles are on I-84 West, I-86 West, or off the road for the night.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Old Fort Boise, Farewell Bend State Recreational Area, Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.

Next Waypoint: 3 Island Crossing State Park, Emigrant Springs State Heritage Area, the Dalles.

VicVictory:
TBDC: 147 mi OD: 1406 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: None.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 71 mi OD: 1658 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: None.

@Madrias
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1432 mi MRL: -2 FTG: -3 Notes: Team wakes up at 6:30 am and is on the road at 7:30 am. The car immediately starts violently shuddering after it gets above 10 MPH. Team has limped to JTS Tire Factory, just a couple miles from their campsite. It is here that they discover that they are missing all but one lug nut on each wheel. Team will be repaired and on the road shortly.

@Jaimz
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1507 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -9 Notes: TEAM MORALE IS VERY HIGH. Team wakes up at 8 am and will be on the road at 9 am.

@Vri404
TBDC: 132 mi OD: 1639 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Team has refilled power steering reservoir, but it leaks out almost as fast as it can be put in. Repair will not be possible on this trip. Comfort penalty applies.

@Zabhawkin
TBDC: 72 OD: 1538 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Overall Distance is along the planned route and has accounted for their off-course sleeping point.

@conan
TBDC: 139 mi OD: 1629 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Everything still rattles.

@Mythrin
TBDC: 116 mi OD: 1491 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypoint completed: Three Island Crossing SP. Team has refueled in Mountain Home, ID. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 89 mi OD: 1517 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +0 Notes: Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 55 MPH are now impossible. Waypoint completed: Three Island Crossing SP. Team has refueled in Mountain Home, ID.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 130 mi OD: 1592 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: None. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@Dorifto_Dorito
TBDC: 136 mi OD: 1629 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: None.

@stm316
TBDC: 134 mi OD: 1641 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. None.

The following vehicles are in packs:

Team Glitterstorm

Rock the Casbah

Jen provided an extra set of vocals for the front man as Fuzz began paging through Facebook, trying to figure out where the other teams are.

“Yup, pretty sure we’re dead last. Even the Hooligans made it past the next waypoint last night,” he noted.

Jen stopped singing for a moment, a dead serious look coming across her face.

“What?” Fuzz asked.

“Whoa. I can taste colors.”

“Are you sure there wasn’t something in your coffee?”

“Besides a shit ton of sugar?”

Fuzz laughed. “Alright, Cornholio. Onward! We have an ugly ass green thing to catch.”


#273

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, 4-6a - “Better to Be…”


“Who the fuck stole our lug nuts!? Fuckers could’ve actually killed us, that’s not a fucking prank.” Marcus cursed, pacing around the tire shop.

“Neither of us did anything awful to any other teams.” Cody said, and Jake nodded in agreement, before adding in, “I was too damn tired to do anything.”

Marcus glared at Trevor, then demanded, “What the fuck did you do!?”

“Nothing. I pissed on someone’s tent.”

“I swear to God, I’ll fucking strangle you if this did any damage to my car.”

“Save that rage for when we find out who did it. Could’ve only been a few people, after all. Only a handful of people at that campsite were in the race, and thereby would’ve known who we were.” Jake said, trying to defuse the situation.

“Start talkin’.” Marcus said.

“Could’ve been the pricks in that brown Bonchon Masterpiece, they camped with us. Or team Cunning Stunts in the Merciel Vitesse.” Jake said. “They were the two camped here.”

“Good. We’ll run them both off of the fucking road.”

“Whoa, ain’t that a bit excessive, bro?” Cody said, looking alarmed.

“Eye for a fuckin’ eye. They coulda killed us, so we return the favor.”

Trevor looked up, then said, “That fuckin’ van also came through here. The one we diapered.”

“Same for them, then. When we don’t know who did it, everyone gets to pay.”


Aftermath:

Morale: +5 (-2)
Fatigue: 0 (-3)
Waypoints: 7
Status: Pissed Off.
Note: Will drive into @conan, @Dorifto_Dorito, and @Jaimz on sight with intent to force them off of the road.


#274

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 8AM-10AM

Weather Conditions: 76 degrees, clear

All vehicles are on OR-35, I-84 West, I-86 West

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Farewell Bend State Recreational Area, Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.

Next Waypoint: Emigrant Springs State Heritage Area, The Dalles, Barlow Road

VicVictory:
TBDC: 128 mi OD: 1534 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Three Island Crossing SP. Team has refueled in Mountain Home, ID. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 123 mi OD: 1781 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypoint Complete: Emigrant Springs. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR.
None.

@Madrias
TBDC: 127 mi OD: 1559 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Team has refueled in Mountain Home, ID.

@Jaimz
TBDC: 68 mi OD: 1575 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: TEAM MORALE IS VERY HIGH.

@Vri404
TBDC: 83 mi OD: 1722 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs. Team has stopped in Pendleton, OR. AN INCIDENT HAS OCCURRED. Please see PM for details and choices. Fuel low.

@Zabhawkin
TBDC: 143 OD: 1681 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Fuel low.

@conan
TBDC: 129 mi OD: 1758 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR.

@Mythrin
TBDC: 136 mi OD: 1627 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: None. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 101 mi OD: 1618 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 55 MPH are now impossible.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 130 mi OD: 1722 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs.
Team pulls in to Pendleton to refuel just before end of time period, and will bleed over into the next period. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. AN INCIDENT HAS OCCURRED. See PM for details and options.

@Dorifto_Dorito
TBDC: 94 mi OD: 1733 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR. Car was noticeably down on power going up the mountain slopes, and has also gotten louder overall this time period.

@stm316
TBDC: 117 mi OD: 1758 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +1 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

The following vehicles are in packs or close together:
Bonchon, G&W
Erin, PRJ, Merciel

Team Glitterstorm

“So just how far are you planning to throw back today?” Fuzz teased.

“Huh?”

“The music.”

Walk Like and Egyptian

Jen shrugged. “I’ve been listening to the 80’s station on my satellite radio at home. So I guess I’m on a kick.”

“Well, as bad as this junk is, it’s kinda catchy.”

Jen nodded, stifling a smile. “So what is it that you like?”

“I dunno, the rhythm and…”

She couldn’t help but giggle. After punching the track skip button a couple times, the selection made based on her random synaptic misfire came up.

Jen trolls Fuzz

“What is… wha… Oh, no.” Fuzz leaned his head back and groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You didn’t just do that.”

“Oh, I just did that.”

“Seriously, you need a hobby.”


#275

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, 8-10a - “A Tale of Death and Theft”


DING! “Engine Coolant Temperature is High.”
DING! “Your Fuel Level is Low.”
DING! “Engine Oil Temperature is High.”

Marcus gripped the wheel in a white-knuckle death-grip, his foot nearly shoving the gas pedal into the firewall. The Dynamite E5, as a result, was protesting in the only way it could, by sounding every alarm possible.

As they raced into Mountain Home, however, a different warning sounded.

DING! “Fuel Supply Depleted.”

The engine sputtered, coughed once, and then went silent. Marcus kicked in the clutch and coasted up to the nearest gas pump, and Jake got out to fill the tank. After a few minutes, the tank was full, the engine restarted, and Jake was climbing back into the car with the gas station receipt in hand. Marcus continued to show no mercy, planting his foot into the firewall and causing the big sedan to light up the rear tires in a tremendous display of smoke and fury.

DING! “Over-Rev Warning. Engine Damage May Occur.”
“Fuck you, you have a rev limiter, you piece of shit.” Marcus said. It’d been the first thing he’d said since they left the tire shop in just as much of a smoke-show.

“Dude, lighten up, we’re fine and we’ll be fine.” Trevor said.

“How about some music?” Cody asked, hoping to defuse the situation.

“Gimme ‘Two Minutes to Midnight’ by Iron Maiden.”

The instant the song started playing, Marcus reached over and turned the stereo all the way up, louder than they’d ever played their music before. “Loop that fucker.” he yelled to Cody.

As they flew down the road, Marcus’ driving became even more aggressive, as he started forcing other cars to make the decision between trading paint, or getting out of the way. The engine screamed just below redline, with IVAN drowned out by the loud radio, forcing Marcus to rely on the angry glowing, and occasionally flashing, warning lights behind the gauges to tell him what the car was whining about this time. The temperature gauges for coolant and oil were lit, but not flashing, as was the tachometer, but the boost gauge was pinned and flashing angrily.

With the music up so loud, conversations were rendered impossible, not that anyone really wanted to dare with Marcus driving like a total lunatic. Only after Jake punched the back of Cody’s seat did Cody pause the music.

“Marcus, hate to say this, but Teal Terror’s behind us, maybe 10 to 20 miles.” Jake said.

“I dare them, I fucking dare them to try passing us. I’ll run them right off the fucking road, too, just like the other three on my shit-list.” Marcus said, before snatching Cody’s phone and hitting the play button again, before tossing it up onto the dashboard on his side of the car so Cody couldn’t stop the music again.

Jake fished his phone out of his pocket, hurriedly rushing through his contacts for a number he’d gotten the night before. He sent a text message to Fuzz, hoping like hell he’d get it in time to react.

“Pass wide if you do. Marcus is pissed off. Someone stole our lug nuts, nearly caused an accident, he’s out for revenge, but has already said he’ll take out anyone in the way.”

Just after Jake sent the message, Marcus side-swiped a Twilight-Blue Storm Serenity minivan while making a ‘pass’ after the driver tried to speed up to block him in behind a semi. The minivan veered off onto the shoulder with a bright green stripe down the side of it, and the E5 continued down the road, wearing the dark-blue paint proudly down the passenger side. “Fuckin’ dropped my phone.” Jake said, though was drowned out by the blaring music.


Aftermath:

Morale: +5 (NC)
Fatigue: 0 (NC)
Waypoints: 7
Status: Pissed Off. Car has a dark blue stripe down the side from when a slower car didn’t let them pass easily.
Note: Previous stage’s rule still in effect.


(OOC: @VicVictory, figured it made sense that Jake would’ve at least gotten one of their numbers, if only to talk with them after the challenge. Also figured it’d make sense that he’d warn them that Marcus has gone a bit crazy, and at the same time, there’s now a minivan your team can spot on the side of the road wearing some eye-burning green about 10 to 15 miles ahead of your current position. Whether or not an incident would occur is completely your decision, as you’re not actually on Marcus’ shit-list, so it’s just as likely he’d swerve at you, but not actually try to hit you.)


#276

Team ‘Southend Or Bust’

Original Post - Previous Post

The boys made their usual racous entry into the petrol station. Seb stopped the engine. “Right” he announced, “Martin you go get second breakfast, I’ll refuel, James you…er, sit tight and look pretty”

“As always” said James with a smirk, checking his phone.

Martin has barely got out of the car before he was tapping on the window to hail James. “Mate” he said, a little frantically, “you’re in luck”. He pointed to the otherside of the forecourt towards none other than Team Rice Box.

James expression completely changed. “Shit” he said. Shit he thought to himself. “Right, get the stuff from the shop and meet me over there. Looks like they might need some mechanical assistance”.

A few minutes later after James had sauntered over, Martin and Seb walked over to join them.

“Right, we’re gonna have to play this very weirdly” Seb whispered to Martin. “We’re gonna have to wingman for him whilst helping them fix their car”.

“I can do that” Martin whispered back.

“I’ll start” said Seb. They approached the girls and James; all of them were haunched round the engine bay.

“How’s loverboy over here then?” said Seb, cheerily, garnering some awkward laughs from the girls. “Looks like you’re in a spot of bother” he said to Charlotte and Lyra.

“Yeah” Charlotte replied. “The brakes are fucked”.

“Brakes eh?” said Martin, quickly scanning the engine bay. “And what exactly was going wrong?”

“ABS comes on randomly without touching the brake pedals, sometimes the brakes don’t work at all. It’s a mess” said Charlotte.

“Mmmmm” said Martin nodding thoughtfully. By this point, James had managed to get the conversation going with Lyra and the two were blissfully ignoring the rest of them.

“Well Martin here is our resident mechanic, you see” said Seb.

Martin had a poke around for parts of the ABS system. “I reckon its something do with the electrics side of it. I’ll grab my toolkit, can’t promise I’ll be able to fix it though…”


OOC: @Vri404, over to you :smiley:


#277

Side note, just a minor detail you may want to correct: In the state of Oregon, it is illegal to pump your own gas. An attendant has to do it for you.

(The new law allowing self-service in rural counties has not taken effect yet in game terms)


#278

TEAM OUTRIDERS

06:00
(The team wakes up and sets to work breaking down camp and cooking breakfast.)

Zach: You want some bacon?

Marc: What do you think?

Zach: Oh, right.

Luigi: In this case it really is against his religion.

Blake: To each his own.

Zach: We could’ve brought turkey bacon.

Luigi: What the fuck’s wrong with this kid?

Blake: Ain’t natural.

Luigi: You doing anything for work?

Zach: Nah, mostly focused on classes.

Luigi: I thought you were slacking in those.

Zach: Yeah, not quite sure if I’m really into it. Besides, with the classes, I don’t really have time to work.

Marc: Nonsense, Luigi here has a second job.

Blake: He does?

Marc: Yeah, he’s a florist. Always planting tulips!

Blake: Ha!

Luigi: Yeah, on the back of your neck!

Zach: I hope you at least give him a reach around.

Luigi: Well, I’m not a savage.

07:00

(The car is loaded up and ready to go)

Marc: Everything loaded up? Okay let’s go. Luigi, Low Rider!

Marc: Luigi, Low Rider.

Luigi: Oh, right.


(Blake, Marc, and Luigi have their eyes shut and are breathing deep. Zach looks on with a bit of confusion.)

Marc: Okay, let’s make tracks!

(The men pile into the Enforcer, and once again the baritone roar of the 432 comes to life. They take off.)

08:00

Marc: My mama talkin to me try to tell me how to live! But I don’t listen to her cause my head is like a sieve!

Blake: My daddy he disowned me cause I wear my sister’s clothes! He caught me in the bathroom with a pair of panty hose!

Luigi: My basketball coach he done kicked me off the team! For wearing high heel sneakers, and actin like a queen! Ha ha ha!

Zach: ?

09:00

Marc: What do you mean I can’t pump my own gas?

Attendant: State Law prohibits motorists from pumping their own gas.

Marc: That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard of! I’ve been pumping my own gas for thirty five God damn years!

Blake: Give it a rest, it’s Oregon State Law, just let it be.

Marc: So how much extra do we pay for this mandatory privilege?

Blake: Never mind, it’s on me.

Marc: You know what this is? It’s all of Luigi’s fascist spy buddies from Italy. It’s their revenge for the war!

Luigi: Yup, we set up a cell on the other side of the country just on the off chance you would be in the state just so we could piss you off!

(A few minutes later)

Marc: Do you guys normally receive tips?

Attendant: Almost always.

Marc: Always wear bright clothing when riding a bicycle at night! (Slams door)

Blake: Pay him no mind, he’s just very set in his ways. (Hands the attendant a five and gets in the car)

Marc: That’s so stupid!

Blake: You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Besides, I hear they may be changing that law.

Marc: That’ll be rich. You’ll wind up with a bunch of people completely clueless on how to pump their own gas. If you’re disabled, then I get it. By all means help them. But making it illegal to pump your own gas? That’s just stupid!

Luigi: Yeah, well get over your gas station Shell Shock and hit the road already!

Zach: If we were actually at a Shell Station, that would be funny as hell.

Marc: … (Starts to crack up)

(The whole car bursts out in laughter)

Blake: How can such a stupid joke be so damn funny? (laughs)

Marc: Thanks, I think we really needed that.

(The Enforcer leaves the gas station and takes off in a furious roar.)


#279

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 10AM-NOON

Weather Conditions: 76 degrees, clear

All vehicles are on US-26 West, OR-35 South, I-84 West, I-86 West

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Farewell Bend State Recreational Area, Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.

Next Waypoint: Emigrant Springs State Heritage Area, The Dalles, Barlow Road, End of the Trail Interpretive Musem

VicVictory:
TBDC: 127 mi OD: 1661 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +1 Notes: Optional POI: Farewell Bend State Recreation Area (20 minute rest). TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 116 mi OD: 1897 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoints Completed: Barlow Road. AN INCIDENT HAS OCCURRED (No other teams involved0. PLEASE CHECK PMS.

@Madrias
TBDC: 73 mi OD: 1632 mi MRL: -5 FTG: +2 Notes: Team has refueled in Mountain Home, ID. AN INCIDENT HAS OCCURRED WITH TEAM ENTWHISTLE. PLEASE CHECK PMS.

@Jaimz
TBDC: 57 mi OD: 1632 mi MRL: -4 FTG: +1 Notes: Optional POI completed: Farewell Bend State Recreation Area. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. AN INCIDENT HAS OCCURRED WITH TEAM HIGHWAY HOOLIGANS. PLEASE CHECK PMS.

@Vri404
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1722 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR. Morale note: this is due to help from Team Southend, and the interactions between the two teams. A replacement ABS module has been procured from a junkyard, and removal of the old part is in process.

@Zabhawkin
TBDC: 122 mi OD: 1803 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +1 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Spings. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR.

@conan
TBDC: 118 mi OD: 1876 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. Team was detained roadside for a few minutes on OR-35 South by a state trooper who was not happy about their lack of hood. No citation issued.

@Mythrin
TBDC: 115 mi OD: 1742 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Spings. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 74 mi OD: 1692 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +2 Notes: Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 50 MPH are now impossible. Fuel economy penalty due to bad clutch. Clutch isn’t liking the mountains. Fuel low.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1722 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Morale note: this is due to helping from Team Rice Box, and the interactions between the two teams. A replacement ABS module has been procured from a junkyard, and removal of the old part is in process.

@Dorifto_Dorito
TBDC: 120 mi OD: 1843 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Power loss continues to get slightly worse.

@stm316
TBDC: 123 mi OD: 1881 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

The following vehicles are in packs or close together:

Team Glitterstorm

Just after 10am

Fuzz’s phone dinged as a message came in. He swiped the screen to life and read the text. The contents were somewhat disturbing. He pursed his lips, figuring out what to do with this new information.

A minute later, he spoke to his sister. “Hey, I want to get out and stretch my legs in a little bit.”

“Why? We’re making great time!”

“So? We’re still dead last. I don’t think we’re gonna get any better than that, so let’s just enjoy the ride now.”

“But we’ve got to beat those Hooligans!” she protested.

“I’ll keep an eye on them, but last I checked they weren’t doing good,” he bluffed. “Doesn’t look like their car’s gonna hold up.”

Jen sighed. “That’s a shame. I was looking forward to making them eat our dust. Again.”

Fuzz ignored the comment. Instead, he dug at the screen of his phone, trying to find someplace they could stop for a few. “Here. Farewell Bend. Says this is where emigrants going west camped for the last time along the Snake River before making the tough journey over the Blue Mountains. Less water, rougher terrain for them pretty much all the way to the end of the trail.”

“Alright,” she agreed quietly.

Fuzz nodded, hiding his immediate relief at not having to try to pass the Hooligans just yet.


Approximately 11:30am

“Damn, something’s going on,” Jen noted as the third cruiser blasted past them in the opposite direction, lights ablaze. This one was another Baker County Sheriff’s deputy, but the Oregon State Patrol was also apparently involved with whatever incident had drawn their local brethren.

Fuzz nodded. “Wish I had a scanner. It’s weird having this big of a response way out here in the boonies.”’

“Hope everyone’s alright, whatever it is,” Jen added.

Yeah, probably not, Fuzz thought. He didn’t have the heart to tell his sister that it very well could have been them. And that it might have been a matter of mere minutes that made the difference.

Edit: I derped and initially wrote the wrong timeframe somewhere. Possibly more than once. Thanks @stm316 for figuring it out for me.


#280

Team Wagons West Day … ah, who cares.
4-6AM
Bill: You said we’d get breakfast here. You know I like breakfast, Aunt Toni.
Toni: Any plan that can’t be changed is a bad plan. We’ll just have to hit something on the road. I didn’t mean… on the road.
Wookiee: Rabbit stew!!!
Bill: It’s breakfast, dunce. Can we stop at the old fort. I’ve been learning a bit about this wagon stuff, and it’s made me curious.
Beth: The old old fort, or the new old fort?
Bill: Old one.


6-8AM
Wookiee: Was that as fun for you as it was for me?
Bill: Maybe. Maybe not. It depends entirely on whether you’re being serious or sarcastic.
Toni: Been and done boys. Let’s get going again. I’ll drive until 10, then one of you can volunteer.
Beth: I’ll go next.
They jumped back into the car and Toni turned the key. In addition to what was expected, there was another change in the exhaust note.
Bill: Why does it keep doing that, Aunt Toni?
Toni: Over to you. (looks at Wookiee)
Wookiee: Ya gets what ya pays fer!
Toni hit the pedal, and they headed back to the highway, in the hopes of getting somewhere near the finish line (maybe… dare I say… actually reaching it).


#281

Spanners is being held face first on the side of the Vango.

Spanners: Look officer, we stopped for coffee and donuts and THAT MORON came over accusing us of trying to kill them! Then he started swinging so I had to defend Mrs E and George.

Gran: Officer, if I may have a word.

Officer: Stay over there lady and we’ll get around to you later.

Gran: EXCUSE ME? I see you American’s have absolutely no respect for your elders! And it’s even worse that you are on officer of the law. What sort of impression are you giving the youth of today? You’re supposed to be setting a good example to the youths of today! These ruffians fired at us earlier and then threw, what we presumed, was a full dirty nappy at out windscreen.

Officer: LADY! MOVE AWAY AND WE’LL SPEAK TO YOU SHORTLY!

Gran: Well I never….they are the people that shot at us and you’re assaulting my best friend’s grandson! I’m going to make a report about this to your superior……. BZZZT!

Mopey: GRAN!!! WHAT THE FUCK??? DID YOU REALLY NEED TO TAZER HER???

Ofiicer: MOVE BACK KID OR YOU’RE NEXT!

Spanners: Do as he says George……fucker’s a lunatic with a god complex! Look dude…their car has a massive fucking stripe scored down the side of the car which, by the way, wasn’t there when I last saw it….they fired at us, Mrs E reported it just outside Fort Hall. Now you’ve tazered an old lady whose sharpest weapon was her tongue! As for the missing wheel nuts……if someone really wanted to kill them then they’d have probably left the last remaining wheel nut tight so it fails at speed……leaving it a bit loose would make them limp to the nearest garage, say, 10 or so miles away.

Officer: So you admit to stealing the nuts and we’ll find them in the van?

Spanners: Actually I said “If someone……” I am admitting nothing! Yes you’ll find wheel nuts in the van……I carry a LOT of spares. Now you’re arresting me for defending myself, tazered an old lady and threatened a minor.

Gran starts to come around.

Gran: George, David what happened?

Mopey: That nutter tazered you Gran……and then threatened to do the same to me!

Gran: David, what do we do?

Spanners: Depends on what happens to me now.

Officer: I’m arresting you for an assault on him.

Mopey: But it was self-defense.

Spanners: I’ll be alright….you 2 go on ahead and I’ll see you when they let me go. I just hope they put me in the same cell as that wanker!

Gran: David! There’s no need for that language.

Spanners: Sorry Mrs E. I’ll be OK…you 2 carry on. George, you’re going to have to step up now and look after your Gran.

Mopey: Ok…

Gran: George, give me your phone. Hello, is that Mr Pinkerton-Smythe my barrister? Jolly good. I’ve been assaulted in America by a policeman. Yes dear, this is what happened. It started by us being shot at by some ruffians…


#282

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, 8-10a - “Outta My Way!”


11:00

The blaring loud music was still going when they caught up to the Vango of Team Harcourt-Entwhistle. The decision was made then and there to ‘get their attention’ as they pulled into the Farewell Bend State Recreation Area, and Marcus intentionally gave their van a “little” bump.

As soon as both vehicles were stopped, Marcus got out of the car and swung at Spanners with a sock full of loose change, though missed and pounded a dent into the driver’s door before the sock burst, sending pennies flying all over the area. “Try to kill us, you fuckin’ prick, I’ll fuckin’ bury you in a shallow fuckin’ grave!” Marcus yelled, landing several punches on Spanners, though not entirely unscathed himself. Spanners managed to land an uppercut on his jaw, and kicked the door open, knocking Marcus over. The two fought for several rough minutes before the cops arrived, presumably called by some bystanders outright terrified at the altercation.

11:30

“Officer, these fuckers-” Marcus started to say.

“Watch your language. You already have a quite healthy rap sheet, so cut the crap.”

“These morons took the lug nuts off of our car last night. All but one on each wheel. That’s trying to kill us, attempted murder. Thing is, Officer, your kind never seem to do justice on those deserving of it, no, they go after everyone else for traffic tickets.” Marcus said, trying to remain rational as more patrol cars arrived.

“Then call it in if you’re sure they did it. Not take matters into your own hands. This isn’t Chicago, land of Gangs and corrupt cops, this is Oregon. We do things differently out here, like arresting scum who run minivans full of children off the road and start fights with other motorists.”

“Calling you would have been as useful as putting a snake in the hen-house.” Marcus shot back.

“Marcus, knock it off! If he gets more pissed at us, he’ll impound the car and then we’re stranded out here in the ass-end of nowhere with nothing to our name.” Jake said, glaring over the roof of the car.

“Should do it anyway, but because you three aren’t part of this, and all three of you stayed out of this, I’ll let you keep your car. But you guys get pulled over again in this shitbox in my state, and you’re walkin’ back to Chicago.”

“Ain’t my first time in a cop car.” Marcus said, getting put in the back of an Oregon State Cruiser. “Won’t be my last, neither.”

11:45

Jake took the driver’s seat reluctantly, then said, “We’ll have to drive in shifts to make it, but we may still have a slim chance of finishing this on time. But we’re short one driver, the car’s banged up, and I think he blew the speakers out on the radio, so we don’t really have any music. And if we get caught speeding, we’re getting pulled over, impounded, and we’ll have to find alternate means to make it back to Chicago.”

Trevor looked up at him, then said, “Could be worse. If nothing else, I know a guy out this way, sells junkers for cheap. We lose this car, at least we can get some rattle-trap that’ll get us home.”

“With what money? Mark’s the only one who had cash to spare on this trip.” Cody said. “Fuckin’ idiot. Of course he had to fly off the fucking rails and cause an incident, and didn’t have the forethought to at least stick a fat wad of cash in the glovebox to get us through this.”

“Well, at least we have the car. Do we have any food?” Jake asked.

“Nope. We packed spare parts, remember, not much in the way of food.” Trevor replied.

“Okay, wallets out, no holding out on me here. How much do we have between the three of us?” Jake asked. A few minutes of counting, stacking, and adding anything they could find gave them a grand total of a whopping $200 to finish the trip.

“So, we need gas, and food, and lodging out of that 200 bucks.”

“Won’t need lodging if we finish this shit early. Scratch that out.” Trevor said.

“Still leaves us gas, and food. And you can’t pump your own in Oregon for some stupid reason, which means it’ll be more expensive.” Jake said.

“We could try to sell some of the spare parts in the trunk.” Cody mentioned.

“That’s a great idea, except that guarantees we break whatever we sell, and strand our stupid selves out here in the ass-end of fucking nowhere for no reason.”

“We’ve not had that many breakdowns so far. I’ve heard other teams were doing far worse.” Cody responded.

“Murphy’s Law. Now that we can’t just run out and buy the part and fix it, everything will start breaking. Plus, keep in mind we’ve got that wobbly driveshaft that could fall out at any time, and whatever damage your idiot brother caused when he side-swiped the minivan, plus the fact that this thing’s a pile to begin with, and we’re just driving a ticking fuckin’ time-bomb waiting for the next problem.” Jake said. He turned the key to start the engine, and a loud ‘bang’ sounded, and everything went white for a moment.

DING! “You have been in an accident. Please remain calm and contact emergency services.”

“Fuck you too, Ivan. Airbag in the fucking face. Trevor, give me your pocket knife so I can remove this piece of shit from my steering wheel.” Jake said, rolling the windows down to let the smoke out. Trevor handed him a pocket knife, and the remainder of the time period was spent removing the air bags and clipping the covers back in place enough to look normal. Trevor stuffed the ruined bags in the trunk and took his knife back, while Cody pulled his seatbelt on and tried to get over the fact that he’d just had a malfunctioning airbag hit him in the head.

Jake flipped open the fuse box and yanked fuse 27, the one that controlled IVAN. “At least we won’t be hearing that for the rest of the trip.”


Aftermath:

Morale: 0 (-5) - Lost a team member, Car’s malfunctioning, and not a lot of cash to go around.
Fatigue: +2 (+2) - Cop made us sit in the car with the windows up and the air conditioning off.
Waypoints: 7
Status: Demoralized. Setting up for shift driving. Jake is driving - Expect gearbox abuse.
Note: With the loss of Marcus, the ‘shit-list’ no longer exists.


#283

TEAM OUTRIDERS


(The car just hauled ass down the Barlow Road)

Marc: Home stretch bitches!

Blake: Things are looking good. I can’t believe we’re in the running to win one of these!

Luigi: Hell yeah!

(CLUNK! SNAP!)

Marc: Shit! Shit! Hang on!

(The front passenger side of the car suddenly sags down. Marc manages to countersteer and avert a severe incident, unfortunately the car slammed into a guardrail causing the passenger side windows to shatter)

Blake: Sweet Jesus!

Marc: Everyone okay?

Luigi: Fine

Zach: I’ve felt better but I’m okay.

Blake: Showered in glass but I’m here. Let’s see what the hell happened. Son of a bitch! My door won’t open!

Zach: Neither will mine.

(All men exit the car from the drivers side.)

Luigi: See anything?

Blake: Looks like the ball joint sheared off. Control arm looks slightly bent.

Luigi: Do we have any spares?

Blake: No, just the wheel and tire.

Marc: Don’t tell me this is it, not after how far we’ve gotten!

Zach: What are our options?

Blake: I could probably rig something together but I can’t guarantee how long it’ll hold. Or we could call a tow truck into the nearest town.

Luigi: What’s the nearest town?

Marc: Rhododendron.

Blake: Looks like our lead is fucked no matter what we do.

Luigi: How long would it take you to rig something together?

Blake: Not long, but we’d have to baby it.

Marc: I say call a tow truck. We get into town, we can get the proper parts. This car has gotten us so far, the least we can do is treat her right.

Zach: I agree, no sense risking another crash.

Blake: Okay then, hand me my phone.

(After some consideration, they decided to call a tow truck to Rhododendron, OR.)