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Go West Deathtrap Tour [FINISHED]


#282

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, 8-10a - “Outta My Way!”


11:00

The blaring loud music was still going when they caught up to the Vango of Team Harcourt-Entwhistle. The decision was made then and there to ‘get their attention’ as they pulled into the Farewell Bend State Recreation Area, and Marcus intentionally gave their van a “little” bump.

As soon as both vehicles were stopped, Marcus got out of the car and swung at Spanners with a sock full of loose change, though missed and pounded a dent into the driver’s door before the sock burst, sending pennies flying all over the area. “Try to kill us, you fuckin’ prick, I’ll fuckin’ bury you in a shallow fuckin’ grave!” Marcus yelled, landing several punches on Spanners, though not entirely unscathed himself. Spanners managed to land an uppercut on his jaw, and kicked the door open, knocking Marcus over. The two fought for several rough minutes before the cops arrived, presumably called by some bystanders outright terrified at the altercation.

11:30

“Officer, these fuckers-” Marcus started to say.

“Watch your language. You already have a quite healthy rap sheet, so cut the crap.”

“These morons took the lug nuts off of our car last night. All but one on each wheel. That’s trying to kill us, attempted murder. Thing is, Officer, your kind never seem to do justice on those deserving of it, no, they go after everyone else for traffic tickets.” Marcus said, trying to remain rational as more patrol cars arrived.

“Then call it in if you’re sure they did it. Not take matters into your own hands. This isn’t Chicago, land of Gangs and corrupt cops, this is Oregon. We do things differently out here, like arresting scum who run minivans full of children off the road and start fights with other motorists.”

“Calling you would have been as useful as putting a snake in the hen-house.” Marcus shot back.

“Marcus, knock it off! If he gets more pissed at us, he’ll impound the car and then we’re stranded out here in the ass-end of nowhere with nothing to our name.” Jake said, glaring over the roof of the car.

“Should do it anyway, but because you three aren’t part of this, and all three of you stayed out of this, I’ll let you keep your car. But you guys get pulled over again in this shitbox in my state, and you’re walkin’ back to Chicago.”

“Ain’t my first time in a cop car.” Marcus said, getting put in the back of an Oregon State Cruiser. “Won’t be my last, neither.”

11:45

Jake took the driver’s seat reluctantly, then said, “We’ll have to drive in shifts to make it, but we may still have a slim chance of finishing this on time. But we’re short one driver, the car’s banged up, and I think he blew the speakers out on the radio, so we don’t really have any music. And if we get caught speeding, we’re getting pulled over, impounded, and we’ll have to find alternate means to make it back to Chicago.”

Trevor looked up at him, then said, “Could be worse. If nothing else, I know a guy out this way, sells junkers for cheap. We lose this car, at least we can get some rattle-trap that’ll get us home.”

“With what money? Mark’s the only one who had cash to spare on this trip.” Cody said. “Fuckin’ idiot. Of course he had to fly off the fucking rails and cause an incident, and didn’t have the forethought to at least stick a fat wad of cash in the glovebox to get us through this.”

“Well, at least we have the car. Do we have any food?” Jake asked.

“Nope. We packed spare parts, remember, not much in the way of food.” Trevor replied.

“Okay, wallets out, no holding out on me here. How much do we have between the three of us?” Jake asked. A few minutes of counting, stacking, and adding anything they could find gave them a grand total of a whopping $200 to finish the trip.

“So, we need gas, and food, and lodging out of that 200 bucks.”

“Won’t need lodging if we finish this shit early. Scratch that out.” Trevor said.

“Still leaves us gas, and food. And you can’t pump your own in Oregon for some stupid reason, which means it’ll be more expensive.” Jake said.

“We could try to sell some of the spare parts in the trunk.” Cody mentioned.

“That’s a great idea, except that guarantees we break whatever we sell, and strand our stupid selves out here in the ass-end of fucking nowhere for no reason.”

“We’ve not had that many breakdowns so far. I’ve heard other teams were doing far worse.” Cody responded.

“Murphy’s Law. Now that we can’t just run out and buy the part and fix it, everything will start breaking. Plus, keep in mind we’ve got that wobbly driveshaft that could fall out at any time, and whatever damage your idiot brother caused when he side-swiped the minivan, plus the fact that this thing’s a pile to begin with, and we’re just driving a ticking fuckin’ time-bomb waiting for the next problem.” Jake said. He turned the key to start the engine, and a loud ‘bang’ sounded, and everything went white for a moment.

DING! “You have been in an accident. Please remain calm and contact emergency services.”

“Fuck you too, Ivan. Airbag in the fucking face. Trevor, give me your pocket knife so I can remove this piece of shit from my steering wheel.” Jake said, rolling the windows down to let the smoke out. Trevor handed him a pocket knife, and the remainder of the time period was spent removing the air bags and clipping the covers back in place enough to look normal. Trevor stuffed the ruined bags in the trunk and took his knife back, while Cody pulled his seatbelt on and tried to get over the fact that he’d just had a malfunctioning airbag hit him in the head.

Jake flipped open the fuse box and yanked fuse 27, the one that controlled IVAN. “At least we won’t be hearing that for the rest of the trip.”


Aftermath:

Morale: 0 (-5) - Lost a team member, Car’s malfunctioning, and not a lot of cash to go around.
Fatigue: +2 (+2) - Cop made us sit in the car with the windows up and the air conditioning off.
Waypoints: 7
Status: Demoralized. Setting up for shift driving. Jake is driving - Expect gearbox abuse.
Note: With the loss of Marcus, the ‘shit-list’ no longer exists.


#283

TEAM OUTRIDERS


(The car just hauled ass down the Barlow Road)

Marc: Home stretch bitches!

Blake: Things are looking good. I can’t believe we’re in the running to win one of these!

Luigi: Hell yeah!

(CLUNK! SNAP!)

Marc: Shit! Shit! Hang on!

(The front passenger side of the car suddenly sags down. Marc manages to countersteer and avert a severe incident, unfortunately the car slammed into a guardrail causing the passenger side windows to shatter)

Blake: Sweet Jesus!

Marc: Everyone okay?

Luigi: Fine

Zach: I’ve felt better but I’m okay.

Blake: Showered in glass but I’m here. Let’s see what the hell happened. Son of a bitch! My door won’t open!

Zach: Neither will mine.

(All men exit the car from the drivers side.)

Luigi: See anything?

Blake: Looks like the ball joint sheared off. Control arm looks slightly bent.

Luigi: Do we have any spares?

Blake: No, just the wheel and tire.

Marc: Don’t tell me this is it, not after how far we’ve gotten!

Zach: What are our options?

Blake: I could probably rig something together but I can’t guarantee how long it’ll hold. Or we could call a tow truck into the nearest town.

Luigi: What’s the nearest town?

Marc: Rhododendron.

Blake: Looks like our lead is fucked no matter what we do.

Luigi: How long would it take you to rig something together?

Blake: Not long, but we’d have to baby it.

Marc: I say call a tow truck. We get into town, we can get the proper parts. This car has gotten us so far, the least we can do is treat her right.

Zach: I agree, no sense risking another crash.

Blake: Okay then, hand me my phone.

(After some consideration, they decided to call a tow truck to Rhododendron, OR.)


#284

This race is turning into a showcase of pure lunacy - I can’t wait for the conclusion!


#285

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, NOON-2PM

Weather Conditions: 66-84 degrees, clear or high clouds (Depending on whether the team is in the mountains, west of, or east of)

All vehicles are on US-26 West, OR-35 South, I-84 West

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.

Next Waypoint: The Dalles, Barlow Road, End of the Trail Interpretive Musem

VicVictory:
TBDC: 128 mi OD: 1789 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 15 mi (On the back of a tow truck) OD: 1912 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +5 Notes: Team has been towed to Rhododendron, OR. Repairs are in process, and will bleed into the next time period.

@Madrias
TBDC: 127 mi OD: 1759 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR.

@Jaimz
TBDC: 64 mi OD: 1696 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@Vri404
TBDC: 35 mi OD: 1722 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Repairs completed late in the time period. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@Zabhawkin
TBDC: 110 mi OD: 1803 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoints completed: The Dalles, Barlow Road. Fatigue note: Barlow Road took a bit of a toll on your team.

@conan
TBDC: 72 mi OD: 1948 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Morale/Fatigue note: Barlow Road was very bad in this car, but the team is elated that it has conquered the road in (more or less) one piece.

@Mythrin
TBDC: 126 mi OD: 1868 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 70 mi OD: 1762 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 50 MPH are now impossible. Fuel economy penalty due to bad clutch. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 35 mi OD: 1757 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Assising repairs for Vri404 is complete near the end of the time period. TEAM MORALE IS VERY HIGH.

@Dorifto_Dorito


TBDC: 49 mi OD: 1892 mi MRL: -4 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. CRITICAL FAILURE: Only a couple miles in to the Barlow Road, the team scrapes off their muffler on a rock. This is followed a few hundred feet later by a stress crack forming in the exhaust manifold (the reason for the power loss over the past few hours). Final morale: +8 (good)

@stm316
TBDC: 98 mi OD: 1979 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Note: the car handled the Barlow Road surprisingly well, and with good comfort, all things considered.

The following vehicles are in packs or close together:
PRJ, Erin (with the Dynamite not far ahead)

Team Glitterstorm

(Will fill this in some more later)


Sorry for the delay. Once I got to my computer last night it was WAAAY too late to process.


#286

Aww RIP. I wish I could have done more RP but ive been too busy to do so. Oh well.


#287

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, 10-Noon - “A Minor Setback…”


Jake struggled to keep the E5 going, managing to screw up more gear changes than he managed to get right, but also managing not to blow up the gearbox. There were two lights flashing on the dash as he drove into Pendleton, Oregon: SRS and Fuel. He couldn’t do anything about the first one, but he could do something about the second.

He pulled into a gas station and pulled the fuel door, and the attendant happily got to work filling the tank. After the tank was full, the gas was paid for, and the attendant given a very reluctant tip, Jake proceeded to stall the car three times before burning tires and clutch out of the parking area.

“So, what do we have on the radar?” Jake asked. Cody grabbed the GPS and looked at it, then said, “That weird PRJ thing, and the Erin, they’re both behind us.”

“Let’s give 'em a hard chase, then.” Trevor said. “Make it hard to pass us.”

“I’m doing the best I fuckin’ can, Trev! I’m struggling to get this piece of shit to run well, let alone quickly.” Jake replied. “This isn’t the easiest car in the world to drive, I’ve had my head rattled with an airbag earlier, and I can barely drive stick!”

“Jake, relax. Look at the bright-sides, not the bad shit. We’re on a road-trip.” Cody said.

“Yeah, in a shitbox with $162 in our pockets, waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Jake said.

“Yeah, but we’ve got the most glorious shitbox on the road. Sure, we don’t have a lot of things, but what we do have is good. Cody, try to make some music work, just anything.” Trevor said.

Cody started up their playlist again, and some Eurobeat started playing from the speakers, although with a bit of a rattle from some of the speakers that’d been abused by Marcus. Despite the rattle in the speakers, this managed to get Jake to smile, as it reminded him of their start.

“You know, you’re right. Let’s have fun until this thing shits the bed. From what I’ve been hearing on the radio, Barlow Road’s tearing up people’s cars, we’re not there yet, not even close, but I’m voting we hit that sucker hard and fast. Blaze of Glory!”

“Blaze of Glory!” Trevor and Cody yelled at the same time, as Jake laid into the gas, making the snarly I4 growl and hiss as they hurtled along.


Aftermath:

Morale: +1 (+1) - Pep Talk!
Fatigue: +6 (+4) - It’s exhausting being upset. Thankfully, we’re gonna make the most of it!
Waypoints: 8 (+1)
Status: Planning to Kick Ass by Driving Fast.


#288

Team Wagons West
Saturday 8AM - 10AM

The team took half hour shifts as DJ, and not surprisingly Bill had opted for 8 track entertainment. What they couldn’t figure out was how he’d managed to get Ed Sheeran’s album on one. They hadn’t seen any other competitors in the flesh for a while, but they may have seen a couple of their cars. While it didn’t mean that they were too far behind, it also didn’t mean that they were ahead. As they continued driving, Beth decided to check in on facebook.
Beth: It says here that one of the cars was stolen last night.
Bill: Stolen? Why would someone do that?
Wookiee: Joyride. I would have… thought.
Bill: You paused. Admission of guilt.
Wookiee: S.f.b. I was in the room. With you three.

In accordance with the whole “Speak of the Devil” thing, they noticed another competitor, one they had not seen since the very start of the adventure. Binchan, banchen… that one with the fat guy and the wine-o. Pleasantries were exchanged while filling, and both cars headed out to the next checkpoint.


10AM - 12PM
Beth was driving again, as she had proven herself more capable than the guys at keeping the pace up, but Bill had decided he wanted one more short stint.

Bill: Why? Because I funded it. I think it’s fair.
Toni: Just let her drive.
Rick: Her-her or him-her?
The Wallis had been lucky before, when, driving along with the Bonchon, somewhere south of Hood River, the state Troopers had decided to pull only one of the cars over, and any other traffic on the road was compliant when they attempted passing, so the run had been smooth enough for the team to be in high spirits.


#289

TEAM OUTRIDERS

(On the side of the road)

Zach: It’s here!

Marc: About time. Looks like it’s a crew cab truck. At least we’ll all be able to ride inside.

Blake: How nice, look what kind of truck they sent.

Luigi: A Petoskey, how fitting. Looks like a brand new one too.

(The truck arrives and the driver begins hooking up the car.)

Tow Truck Driver: You fellas did a number on this car, Looks like it’s been to Hell and back. Have you decided which garage you’re taking her to?

Blake: Just the nearest auto parts store.

Tow Truck Driver: You’re shittin’ me!

Blake: Nope, we know just what we need to get her on the road again.

Luigi: We both worked on these for the Police Department in our city. I know these cars better than the back of my hand.

Tow Truck Driver: Whatever you say.

(Within minutes the car is hooked up to the truck and they are underway.)

Blake: This doesn’t sound like the regular 402, what engine does this truck have in it?

Driver: 595.

Blake: Nice! I’ve been trying to look for one of those to put in my old Stag. It’s original motor is sitting in that car.

Driver: Why are you taking a car like that on a trip like this?

Luigi: Part of a cheap car tour. $500 POS’s going on a journey of 2000 miles or so.

Driver: I heard something about that. I should keep my ears open, that Barlow Road is in terrible condition. You think any more competitors will take it?

Marc: I imagine all of them will.

Driver: Hmm, that could be lucrative.

Rhododendron, OR. At the auto parts store.

Blake: What do I owe you?

Driver: $115.

Blake: We keep this up we’re gonna spend more on traveling than we did on the car.

Driver: Seems crazy you’re bothering with that.

Blake: We’re bothering because this is the third run this car has been on. Come Hell or high water we’re gonna finish it!

Driver: Third run? Damn, guess there’s more than meets the eye.

Dispatch: Dale, you there?

Driver: Yeah, I’m just finishing up with a customer right now.

Dispatch: You’ve got another one, Barlow Road. Black Merciel hatchback.

Driver: I’m on it. Well, looks like I’m off, have a good day and good luck.

Blake: Thanks.

Luigi: Got what we need, They had both the control arm and ball joint in stock. Also rented a ball joint press and separator tool.

Blake: Excellent, let’s get to work. Time to cue the music!


#290

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 2PM-4PM

Weather Conditions: 67-88 degrees, clear or high clouds (Depending on whether the team is in the mountains, west of, or east of)

All vehicles are on US-26 West, OR-35 South, I-84 West

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.

Next Waypoint: The Dalles, Barlow Road, End of the Trail Interpretive Musem

VicVictory:
TBDC: 106 mi OD: 1895 mi MRL: +3 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles, Barlow Road. Optional POI: Timberline Lodge (Stopping for dinner @ Ram’s Head Restaurant, will bleed into next time period). TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Team is starting to feel fatigued.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 55 OD: 1967 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: Repair completed. Team is feeling slightly fatigued.

@Madrias
TBDC: 130 mi OD: 1889 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. Team is just starting the Barlow Road at exactly 4pm. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.

@Jaimz
TBDC: 115 mi OD: 1811 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.

@Vri404
TBDC: 122 mi OD: 1879 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.

@Zabhawkin
TBDC: 107 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +7 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Arrived at final waypoint @ 3:58pm. Final morale: +17 (High). Final fatigue: +13 (Slightly fatigued)

@conan
TBDC: 72 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +6 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Arrived at final waypoint @ 3:09pm. Final morale: +15 (High). Final fatigue: +14 (Slightly fatigued)

@Mythrin
TBDC: 88 mi OD: 1956 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road. Engine has started rattling and smoking, and the oil consumption has markedly increased. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.

@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 94 mi OD: 1856 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +7 Notes: Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 50 MPH are now impossible. Fuel economy penalty due to bad clutch. Another stretch of mountain driving is about to start. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 121 mi OD: 1878 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles.
Assising repairs for Vri404 is complete near the end of the time period. TEAM MORALE IS VERY HIGH. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.

@stm316
TBDC: 41 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +10 FTG: +5 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Arrived at the final waypoint at 2:51pm (FIRST ACROSS THE LINE). Final morale: +28 (Ecstatic). Final fatigue: +14 (Slightly fatigued)

The following vehicles are in packs or close together:
PRJ, Erin

Team Glitterstorm

“We can officially take our sweet time,” Fuzz said. “Looks like the winner crossed the line already.”

“Your cop buddies?” Jen asked.

“Nope.”

She arched her eyebrows. “Huh. I thought they were doing well last time we checked.”

“Yeah, guess they had an accident.”

“Oh no! Is everyone okay?”

“Yeah,” Fuzz continued. “Just scraped up their car and broke some suspension bits. Looks like they’re not throwing in the towel, though, so that’s good. But no, it was the guys in the G&W that won. Oldest car in the pack.”

Jen shifted her back around, trying to relax the knot that was forming in her back from the worn down seat. Her stomach grumbled at her. “Well, if we’re not going to win-win, and we know this thing will keep going, might was well make a stop.”

“Where you thinking?”

“Find some place up on the mountain? Maybe around Timberline Lodge?”

Fuzz’s eyes lit up. “Man, we haven’t been there…”

“… since Dad accidentally pushed Mom down the mountain the last time we went skiing,” the said in unison.

They laughed, and launched into an hour-long conversation reminiscing about family trips to Mount Hood’s fabled ski area, and the many stories surrounding their family’s adventures there, both winter and summer.

Just before 4pm, they pulled their little blue Ardent Smoke into the parking lot, and headed up to the Ram’s Head Restaurant for dinner and spectacular scenery.


#291

OOC: “Accidentally” pushed eh?

TEAM OUTRIDERS

(In the parking lot of the auto parts store)

Blake: Okay, she’s together, give me that impact.

(Luigi hands Blake a cordless impact which he uses to tighten the control arm bolts)

Blake: A few years ago I never would’ve thought a cordless impact would have any kind of power to be useful.

Luigi: They have come a long way.

Marc: Zach and I stopped at Burger King, we got you something.

Blake: Thanks.

Luigi: Thanks.

(One of the spare wheels is bolted on and the car is lowered to the ground. A quick cleanup session later and the Enforcer is back on the road.)

Blake: Think we still have a chance?

Marc: Of not finishing dead last? I’d say so.

Blake: I meant taking first place.

Marc: Hell, I think by now someone probably crossed the line already. Damn ball joint. Those have always been a curse to me.

Luigi: You have that many problems with them?

Marc: In my twenties, every time I heard ball joint as the problem, that meant the entire contents of my bank account were gone to oblivion.

Zach: We’re on our way to finish though, that’s gotta count for something. Not everyone made it I understand.

Marc: Yeah, I do recall that husk back down the road.

Blake: You mean that burned up Bogliq?

Marc: Oh God, remember that one in our first run?

Blake: Oh yeah, I think those were the same guys. Poor bastards.

Luigi: Eastern wiring. Maybe they figure when it gets cold out, they can use their car fire to keep warm.

Marc: I thought you didn’t see a lot of those in Italy.

Luigi: Not a lot, but occasionally.

Blake: Not that the local Italian cars were without faults. (Phone rings) Hello? Hold on… It’s for you.

Zach: Who is it?

Blake: Mia.

(Zach takes the phone and presses the hang up button)

Blake: I’m shocked.

Zach: She made her bed. And apparently everyone but me lied in it.

Luigi: You mean you two never…

Zach: Nope.

Blake: Don’t take this the wrong way, but thank God!

Marc: Yeah, who knows what she would’ve given ya. Probably an outbreak of VD back home.

Zach: Well, that’s a little comforting I suppose.

Blake: Let’s get back on the mission at hand. We no doubt lost a few places, I want to make sure we don’t lose another one.

Marc: Yes sir!


#292

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, Noon-2p - “The Pep Talk”


Jake held the wheel tighter as the engine roared, their car flying through the Dalles at a ridiculous pace.

“So, not worried about it getting impounded?” Cody asked.

“At this point, no. We stand no chance to win this thing, so we might as well beat the hell out of the car, and hope we finish this thing instead.” Jake replied.

“At least one good thing come outta this trip.” Trevor said. “You’re getting better at drivin’ stick.”

As the clock closed in on 4 PM, what remained of Team Highway Hooligans got a glimpse of Barlow Road.

“Oh my god, it’s going to rip the car apart.” Cody said.

“Gonna be a real pucker-fucker, that’s for damn sure.” Trevor said. He looked at Jake, who showed no signs of slowing down, instead noticing him hitting the “Antenna Extend/Retract” switch to raise their pirate flag one last good time.

“All hands, brace for impact. Full steam ahead!” Jake yelled, before flooring it. The engine roared, the turbocharger screamed, and the oil-pressure gauge went higher than it had ever gone before.


Aftermath:

Morale: +2 (+1) - We’re still in it!
Fatigue: +12 (+6) - It’s getting late, and this isn’t the most comfortable car in the world.
Waypoints: 9 (+1) - Just two more to go, and one’s in front of us.
Status: Confident that either they’re going to make great time, or an excellent wreck.


#293

Team redneck day 3 0400-0600

Otis and Jake wake up at 5:00am, Jake starts cooking, while Otis packs up camp, not much is said, its early in the morning, still dark though the moon is still up to provide some light besides the lantern and flash lights.

After eating they Otis does the dishes while Jake checks over the truck.

0600-0800

Jake, “I think the camping out of the way might have set us back too far.”

Otis, “Maybe, but at least it kept people from messing with our stuff.”

Jake, “True, but we still lost about an hour” looks at the updates on the competition, “maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea, a bunch of stuff went on last night and we might have been delayed even longer.”

Otis, “What was going on?”

Jake, “Looks like someone removed most of the lug nuts of the Hooligans car, they almost lost their tire”

0800-1000

1000-1200

Otis pulls into the gas station to fuel up, as he is used to he starts to do it himself and is met by an attendant who starts yelling at him.

Attendant, “Hey you cant do that, you might get hurt!”

Otis, “What the hell are you talking about?”

Attendant, “You have to be certified to pump fuel!”

Otis, “Bull shit I been pumping gas since I was 8!”

Attendant, “Well you can’t here, it the law”

Otis, “Fine, I gotta use the shitter anyways”

1200-1400

Jake turns the corner to Barlow road, “That looks fun”

Looking at the road Otis comments, “Seen worse, but not anything I wanted to take over 25” as he sinches down his harness, and starts trying to grab anything that’s loose in the cab.

The truck pounds and slams its way through the road managing to bottom out both suspensions at times. The spare parts bouncing and shifting in the back don’t make matters any better. One of the ice chests explodes as it gets pinched between the not so spare engine block and the side of the bed sending spilling its contents of ice water and the remaining water bottles into the bed which leaks out of the drain holes and tailgate wetting the road.

Otis looks back to see what it was, “Don’t worry, keep going”

Jake, “Aint worried, were so close the whole bed can fall off for all I care.”

1400-1600

Whooo third place, we made it after a couple of doughnuts in the parking lot, which also saw the tailgate fail spilling the entire contents of the bed out onto the pavement.

Jake then finds the jumbo spit wad of toilet paper and lies in wait for the Hooligans to cross the line.


#294

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 4PM-6PM

Weather Conditions: 67-89 degrees, clear or high clouds (Depending location)

All vehicles are on US-26 West, OR-35 South

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.

Next Waypoint: The Dalles, Barlow Road, End of the Trail Interpretive Musem

VicVictory:
TBDC: 62 mi OD: 1957 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -1 Notes: None. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Team is starting to feel fatigued.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 53 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +3 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team reaches final waypoint at 5:01pm. Final morale: +15 (High). Final fatigue: +15 (slightly tired)

@Madrias
TBDC: 85 mi OD: 1974 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +10 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Barlow Road. Fatigue note: Barlow Road was not kind to this team. Many jarred teeth, and there is definitely a joint somewhere in the driveline making a horrible noise afterward. TEAM IS TIRED.

@Jaimz
TBDC: 84 mi OD: 1895 mi MRL: +4 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoints completed: The Dalles, barlow Road. Optional POI: Timberline Lodge (will be eating dinner, which will bleed through much of the next time period) TEAM MORALE IS EXTREMELY HIGH. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.

@Vri404
TBDC: 90 mi OD: 1969 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +9 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Barlow Road was kind of harsh on this car, but fun nonetheless. TEAM IS TIRED.

@Mythrin
TBDC: 64 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +5 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team has arrived at final waypoint at 5:12pm, smoking and rattling

@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 41 mi OD: 1897 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +11 Notes: Waypoint Completed: Barlow Road.
Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 45 MPH are now impossible. Fuel economy penalty due to bad clutch. Barlow Road: Car made it under it’s own power, but it was very difficult given the conditions. TEAM IS VERY TIRED.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 92 mi OD: 1970 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +7 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road.
TEAM MORALE IS VERY HIGH. Barlow Road: Wasn’t particularly bad for this team. Team is feeling slightly tired.

The following vehicles are in packs or close together:

Team Glitterstorm

Fantastic dinner, and back on the road for the final stretch.


#295

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, 2-4p - “Cliffhanger”


Recap:

The mighty Dynamite hit Barlow Road at speed, and immediately, the team felt like they’d been thrown into a paint shaker tumbling around a cement mixer, hurtling down the world’s bumpiest highway. The first few seconds weren’t too bad, but then the suspension hit the bump stops, and all hell broke loose.

An explosion rattled the interior of the car. “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!” Cody yelled. “I just got an airbag in the fuckin’ ear!” He then proceeded to rip the side curtain air bag off of the passenger side of the car, and slam the cover shut, only for it to rattle open again. Another bump caused the sunroof to shatter and fill the front seats with glass, and also broke the neon tubes under the car. The hazard lights had come on by this time, as the car’s collision-detection system had detected an accident. The next bump shattered the driver’s side mirror, knocked a headlight out of the bucket, and sent the hazard light switch flying out of the dashboard, bouncing off of the center console, and out through the sunroof. It also knocked the ashtray open, and caused the glovebox door to fall off, landing squarely on Cody’s feet.

The car banged and rattled and squeaked along Barlow Road, every bump knocking bits of the interior loose and wreaking havoc on the remaining functional systems. By the time they left Barlow Road, the car was definitely not happy. The hazards were stuck on with no way to turn them off, the passenger side set of side-curtain airbags had gone off, the driver’s side windshield wiper was running, there was glass and ashes all over the interior of the car, along with cigarette butts, and most of the interior trim pieces were dislodged and scattered around the interior of the car. More worryingly, the dashboard was no longer completely attached where it should be, the sunroof had exploded, the gauges didn’t work anymore, and now there was a scraping, screeching sound from under the car that changed pace and pitch as they changed speed.

“Can’t believe the turd-box made it!” Jake said.

“Thank fuck that’s over! Why do I get beaten up by all the air bags?” Cody said, grumbling.

Trevor chuckled, then said, “On the bright side, according to our GPS, we only have to make 46 miles. I think the shit-bucket can make at least 46 miles, though it’ll probably die in the parking lot once it’s there.”

Jake flipped open the fuse box cover, then picked it up and tossed it into the back when it fell off of the dashboard. He pushed fuse 27 back in, as IVAN would be the only way to know what was wrong with the car now.

DING! DING! “Multiple System Failures. Immediate Servicing is Required.”

“Wow. We’ve broken it so bad that even Ivan can’t tell us what’s broken.” Trevor said.


Aftermath:

Morale: +3 (+1) - We survived Hell.
Fatigue: +22 (+10) - Bump Bump Bump, Another thing bites the dust.
Waypoints: 10 (+1) - One to go!
Status: Car is TRASHED. But the team’s okay. Just a little tired.


#296

Team ‘Southend Or Bust’

Original Post - Previous Post

Back on the road at last after hours of work, Southend or Bust were on the home straight. Just 50 more miles and they’d be finished.

“So then” inquired Seb, “you and Lyra?” he asked, directed towards James.

“Oh you know, pretty good” James said, blushing a little. “She does stuff on YouTube, gaming stuff you know”

“Damn James you’re just such an inquisitive person aren’t you” said Martin sarcastically, still trying to get ride of the grime on his fingers.

“Since when have we ever talked about the kinda stuff we talk about with girls, huh?” James fired back, a defensive tone in his voice.

“Alright alright, we don’t have to dig any further” said Martin - he turned towards Seb, who was in the drivers seat - “And anyhow, James has probably been using all of his cheesy pickup lines as always”. Seb chuckled.

“Hey” said James, even more defensively, “She likes my hair” he said proudly.

“Not as much as you do, of course” said Seb, referring to the rather extensive lengths James went to style his hair.

James sighed and gave up while the other two joked about it. It was to be expected; this always happened when any one of them started flirting. “Well hey” James said after a while, cutting into their conversation, “We’re gonna meet up at the finish line”

“Nice one mate” said Seb. “Just make sure it’s not a repeat of Biomedicine Katie”.

“Oh piss off” said James, and Seb and Martin returned to their joking.

With the Barlow Road cleared and Mount Hood towering above them, it seemed that nothing could stop them and Nancy from reaching the finishing line.


#297

Team Wagons West

12PM- 2PM
Wookiee: “According to the notes, this is going to be the last of the rough road. After we clear this, it’s just into town and we’re done.”
Bill: It can’t possibly be too bad Americans look after their roads.
Beth: “The Barlow Road is intact as a dirt road in a roughly north–south stretch along Barlow Creek; other portions are pristine ruts up to six feet deep.”
Wookiee: Enough Wikipedia, already.
Toni: “Too bad Billy’s driving. This could have been fun.”
Bill: “Maybe they will have fixed some of it by the time we get there…”
Toni: “Or not. It’s a historical thing. Heritage, pride and stuff.”
Bill jumps on the brakes when he sees the condition.
Bill: “Once more unto the breach!!” (hits the juice, sprays dust).
Wookiee": “Slow down!”
Bill: “Not gonna happen! I’ll show you I can drive like Aunt Toni.”
Toni starts singing “Highway To Hell”.

After a short while, Wookiee looks at something on the roadside.
Bill: “What are you looking at? What is it?”
Wookiee: It’s that, um…
Toni: It’s a good sign, that’s what it is! It’s the Petosky.
Beth: The who-what-skee?
Toni: Old cop car. The one that had trouble when we started, they got left behind.
The Wallis drove past as the Enforcer was being pulled up onto the tow truck.
Bill: I guess we should thank them when they get to the end.
Wookiee: What?
Bill: Well, if they’d chosen a better car, they would still be in front.
Toni: Shut up.
(Google Maps says they went through the Rhododendron at about 1:50pm)


2PM - 3PM (okay, about 2:55)
Beth: We must be nearly done. According to the webpage… we’re… ooh. FIRST! Who’s updating this thing?
Toni: What do you mean first?
GPS: At the roundabout, take the second exit.
Toni: Piss off you pile of junk. That’s the long way.
Wookiee: Washington street. This is it. It’s down here, on the left.
Bill: On it. See, I can talk like you too.
GPS: Recalculating.
Wookiee: 2 minutes, and we’ll be there.
Toni: Let’s see if that computer phone of yours is right, Beth.

Bill pulled the Wallis into an empty bay in the car park. They had finished the trip… they had actually finished. A few words with the officials, and they were assured that they were first. They were then told that the next car would be arriving very shortly, somewhere around 15-20 minutes.

Toni: Bill, Wookiee. Get the sparklers and streamers out of the back, we’ll make the next car think they won.
With that, the celebrating began.

OOC: Let me be the first to thank our wonderful and talented host @VicVictory for this competition, sure I’ve been lax with the RP, but it was fun.
Also a thumbs up to all of the other teams… some of your RP was absolutely hilarious. Top notch work.:rofl:


#298

5 finished, 6 left on the roads, and many corpses by the wayside… almost all done!


#299

End of Run - Kent Croissants

5:12 PM


“Come on you useless bastard just about half a mile” begged Aaron shaking the steering wheel to try to get the car to move faster.

The Friala was belching smoke producing great plumes behind it engine was rattling like mad and the oil gauge was getting lower and lower by the second.

“It’s going to blow up come on” said Damien who, as was Jordan trying will the car on via thinking forward thoughts.

As the car turned down the road to the final waypoint there was a final resounding sigh of relief that they had finally made it rattling and all. They were greeted by the sign of doughnut marks presumably from the T-25 and a giant red saloon car parked in on of the spaces.

Aaron parked the car and switched the engine off and all three got out of the car hugged it and whipped out some beers and leaned against the car.

“Holy shit” after a while Aaron had mustered up the courage to look under the bonnet and he removed the valve cover. “There’s no way we could’ve gone any further the valvetrain is absolutely effed” said Aaron in amazement.

He diagnosed damaged valve tips and ruined valve seals the cause of the smoking and rattling and

“If we do this again Jordan, please let us look at the car all together before you buy it please” said Damien from the other side of the car.

“And get something with more than 70 lame horses please” added Aaron jokingly.

“We’ve got to get this one back first” laughed Jordan.

“Please no” replied Aaron.


Fatigue: 29 total
Morale: 16 total


Epilogue

The Friala was brought back to England where it sat for a few months having the rear brakes converted to disks from a later model, the suspension modified, interior stripped out and racing stickers added. A new engine was sourced a 1.7 16 valve rather than the 12 valve original. The new engine was modified to produced 125hp and was the key to Aaron’s beginning of amateur rallying and received a thrashing.


OOC
The team will hopefully be back for next time and it was a great challenge thank you for @VicVictory for hosting!


#300

TEAM OUTRIDERS

Marc: Seriously, you should consider plastic surgery. Do something about that hideous mug. You might find yourself a nice man if you did that.

Luigi: Screw off! My wife is perfectly fine with my face. Mind you, wife.

Marc: Please, we all know you probably pay her to be your wife.

Luigi: How do you manage to hold on to yours? I mean, pushing rope isn’t exactly common in lasting marriages. Unless you’re sixty. Oh wait, you’re not!

Blake: Hey, look ahead!

Zach: This is it!

(Finish line)

(After speaking with some officials, Blake returns to the car.)

Marc: How’d we do?

Blake: Fourth place.

Marc: I see…
(A summary of how my team kind of feels.)


Marc: Well, no sense moping, get your arms gentlemen!

Zach: What?

Marc: Have you forgotten? We have a green shitbox to exact revenge on. It is not here, which means we are to wait for it. Get the guns, and get the potatoes.

(The team sets up with four potato guns and a 25 pound bag of potatoes at the ready)


#301

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 6PM Onward

VicVictory:
TBDC: 63 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +3 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team arrives at final waypoint at 7:05pm. Final morale: +16 (High), final fatigue +14 (slightly fatigued)

@Madrias
TBDC: 46 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +6 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team arrives at final waypoint at 6:48pm (seconds ahead of the Erin of Southend or Bust). Final morale: +12 (Good), final fatigue +27 (exhausted). Fended off a last-minute pass attempt by Team Southend.

@Jaimz
TBDC: 125 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +2 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team arrives at final waypoint at 9:07pm. Final morale: +26 (elated), final fatigue +15 (slightly fatigued)

@Vri404
TBDC: 51 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +3 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team arrives at final waypoint at 6:50pm. Final morale: +18 (High), final fatigue +23 (Tired)

@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 123 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +6 (using gravity from Mt Hood to just beyond Rhododendron alleviated many comfort issues temporarily) Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team refueled in Sandy, OR. Team arrived at final waypoint at 9:44pm. It was still moving under its own power, but due to severe clutch degradation, its top speed at the end was 25 MPH. Final morale: +12 (Good), final fatigue +31 (exhausted)

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 50 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +4 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team arrives at final waypoint at 5:48pm, just seconds behind the Dynamite of Highway Hooligans (tried to give them a run for their money at the end but couldn’t overcome them)

Team Glitterstorm

“Aw, man!” Fuzz groaned as Teal Terror, the Glitterstorm rolled int the parking lot at the End of Trail Interpretive Center. “The Hooligans beat us!”

Jen shrugged and grinned. “Dinner was totally worth it. Oh my God, I’m still stuffed.”

She swung the little coupe deftly into a parking spot and turned it off. As they got out, she noticed some new… markings… on the paint of the Hooligans’ Dynamite.

“Wonder how many people they pissed off. Looks like they’ve had a few run-ins since we saw them last,” she noted.

Fuzz reached back into the car, pulling out a couple pieces of bread, and the leftover Grey Poupon and Vegemite. A twisted, evil grin grew on his face. “One more time, for old time’s sake?”

Jen giggled and nodded. She stood as lookout, making sure the Hooligans weren’t paying attention as Fuzz set to work. He first crept to the rear of the obnoxious green monster, but was disappointed to see that someone had plugged up the muffler outlet with a potato. He thought for a second, then decided on dipping balled up bits of bread in the two condiments and stuffing them as far down the hood cowling, below the wipers, as he could. Hopefully they wouldn’t notice right away…


“Hey, Babe,” Jen chirped cheerfully into her phone. “We’re all done.”

“Really?” Rick said, a hint of disappointment detectable through the handset. “The Terror didn’t make it?”

“No, no. The car’s not broken. No, everyone just finished early. I guess the organizers overestimated how long it would take all these lunatics to finish.”

“Huh. Weird. But hey, that’s great. You guys heading home then?”

“Not tonight,” she replied. “We’re kinda tired, so Fuzz and I are going to hit up a movie, spend the night here in Portland. We should be home before you get home from work tomorrow.”

“Can’t wait! I’ve missed you so much, hon”

“You too. Oh my God, I’ve got so much to tell you. This run was a real blast, so many weird things happened. We ran into a team of complete nut jobs, and ended up having kind of a running battle with them. It was hilarious.”

“Oh dear, what did Fuzz do to them?”

She laughed. “Maybe a little something with Vegemite.”


FINAL RESULTS

Time Winner: @stm316
Average Time Winner: Tie between @Madrias and @DeusExMackia - average finish was at 622pm.
Most Optional POI winner: @Jaimz
RP winner(s): @Madrias, @DeusExMackia, @BobLoblaw
Hard Luck Winner: @findRED19 - the dice REALLY didn’t like you. Your reliability just couldn’t stand up to your bad luck in that department.
“Zen” winner: @Jaimz - between cranky grandma delivering concussions and the overall good design of the Vango, this was pretty easy for me.

And now some design stats.

Best and Worst Drivability: Shromet Mystic (61.6) / Letto Merda (31.0)
Most and Least Sporty: Leeroy LM079 (45.2) / Shromet Mystic (3.3)
Most and Least Comfortable: Kageshima Progress (38.6) / Zaf 1000 (14.0)
Most and Least Reliable: Ardent Smoke (75.1) / Leeroy LM079 (53.9)
Most and Least Efficient (MPG US): Bonchon Masterpiece (34.1) / Leeroy LM079 (12.7)

Thanks again for playing this round! Perhaps another challenge will be soon on the horizon.