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Go West Deathtrap Tour [FINISHED]


Team Big Blue, Part 1

Minor Park

Paul: So far so good eh? Well, for starters Big Blue is holding up nicely.

Steve: You’re dead right. We’ve made it to Minor Park without incident.

Ash: The next waypoint is in Fort Kearney… and we should have no trouble reaching that either.

Jez: We’re supposed to be challenging a bright blue Bogliq right now… Hang on, what on earth happened to it?

Paul: They must have been pulled over by the cops for speeding. Its crew seriously underestimated how fast it could go and paid the price - but at least they are still in the race.

Steve: What about that red Enforcer from the Kinda Grand Tour?

Ash: Seems like it couldn’t even get off the starting line.

Jez: Hmmm… I wonder what’s the problem. It’s likely that its crew had to order a new part and install it, leading to significant delays. As for us, we’re in a chase pack, but we’re confident that we can chase the leaders from here. Now, Paul, concentrate on your driving and we should make steady progress for at least the next few dozen miles.

And with that, Paul hunkered down and continued his team’s relentless journey towards their final destination.


Team Cunning Stunts: Part 1&2

S: Stephie
L: Lawrence
A: Alex


S: Looks like we’re in the right place
A: Yeah I think I can recognise a bunch of teams from the Roulette Runner
L: Ahh the car’s arrived!
S: Wait, why is it on the back of a truck?
L: Well, I didn’t want to risk breaking it on the way here. Its lived a hard life.
A: I mean it barely survived the Roulette Runner.
S: Well get it off the truck then and get it running. I have no intention of coming last.
A: Yeah, yeah sis. Ill get it running.

S: Alright, so we need to go through all the mandatory waypoints and thats it?
L: Wait, are we not going for the Historical route?
S: Nah, we’re going for the fastest time on the mandatory route.
A: Right, Ive got the car working again. Electronics are fucked and the radiator fan likes to jam, but everything should be fine.


MARSHALL: Alright, Team Stu…Cunning Stunts you’re up next.
S: Okay, everyone strapped in?
L: Yup
A: Lets go!
Stephie floors the pedal and the car lurches forward

A: Woah! Slow down sis! You’re pushing the car too hard.
S: She’ll be able to take it, wont ya you lucky lady?
L: I sure hope she will.
S: Well we’re reaching the waypoint now.
A: Huh looks like the Ardent is there already?
L: Dont push it.
S: Come on, we cant be second. We’re going home first again.
L: sigh. Well dont push it for long.
A: Anyone need a leak yet?


Day -57, 14.00.

It was a dreary afternoon in some obscure suburban town. A dilapidated looking BMMA Dolphine showed up at a rather nice looking house that has about 4 more dilapidated looking cars in various state of work on the driveway. Among those is a dark red automobile that no one has ever seen in a long long time.

An Asian man with dark complexion stepped out of the BMMA. He walked to the red car and admire it a bit. He couldn’t believe he found one, let alone in working condition.

It was this moment that a fat man walked out of the house. They greeted.

“Good day, Mister Kim.” Asian man said.
“Calling me Kim is too appropriate for our car, isn’t it?” The fat man replied.
“I presume all the works have been done on it?” Asian man asked.
“It’s been done, Benny. All of it.” The fat man name Kim replied again.
“Not that the car would likely to finish the race anyway, right? Haha.” Asian guy name Benny told the man.
“With this hooptie ass car? What did you expect?”
“How the fuck did we manage to get one anyway? Most of these have been scrapped since the Clinton administration. These were so terrible people used to buy them for their engine only.”
“And certainly not with this one. This is the Turbo remember. Most’ve blown up 18 months after it left the dealer right after the warranty ran out.”

The car in question is a Bonchon Masterpiece. Bonchon is a Korean manufacturer of heavy industry that ventured into Automobile sometime in the 70’s. The Masterpiece was the first Korean car to be sold in North America. This is a Turbo trim featuring 130hp engine. This soulless automobile was so terrible that most owner’ve thrown it away. But this car survived. How? Don’t ask. Only thing we know that it’s very likely not going to survive for much longer.

Day 1, Driver’s Meeting.

Kim and Benny brought the Bonchon to the car park where the driver’s meeting is happening. The car attracted attention of absolutely no one. Except this one ordinary guy who they didn’t even know who he is but he came up and asked them this question.

“Is that a Bonchon Masterpiece?”
“Why yes, it is.” Kim replied
“Wow” The wow that man gave them was the quietest, yet most sincere a wow the Bonchon Masterpiece ever got in it’s entirety of life.
“Pretty nice, huh? This one is a Turbo as well.”
“Oh my god” That man exclaims. “Are you doing the tour? I wish you two the best of luck. You’ll need a lot of it.”
“For sure.”

Part 1.

The Bonchon fired up into life with only slight hiccup. The carburetor needs to be work for it to fire up. But nothing of unusualness.

Because this car is very likely not going to finish the race anyway. And there’s a poll going on in the “Hooptie Community” about where this car will end up dead. While it doesn’t appear to have any mechanical issues that’s clear yet. The whole car shakes and rattles and making incredible rackets at any speed except parked.

Kim Kessling was the driver. He’s a fat white ass working in posh restaurant taking time off to drive this butt turrible car for a really long distance. He have very little faith in the car and so he’s going to push it as hard as he can bear while not wearing himself out.

The Asian man sitting beside him is Benigno Vega. A Filipino. His job is to keep this car running, but he also has little faith in this piece of crap. He just wish that any problem that may arise, let it be a terminal one so he doesn’t have to get his hand dirty and this car may still not run. No little gremlins, let there be some explosion.

The first leg went very smoothly. Too smoothly. The two are anticipating for big problem, which surely will come very soon…


@HighOctaneLove … Kansas, not Kentucky. :wink:


Team Spanish Fiesta: Day 1.

“Alright Ana, time to get strapped in, the race’s going to start soon. Everything ready?” - Alejandro asked.
“Yeah, everything’s ready. Let’s go out there and show these guys how it’s done.” - Replied Ana.

Ana lined the car up at the starting point, waiting for the signal, she pressed the clutch, placed the gear selector in first and revved the engine up to roughly peak torque. As soon as the start signal was given, Ana dumped the clutch, sending the car forward with a touch of wheelspin.

“Try to get in front as soon as possible, let’s try to play with their morale!” - Alejandro shouted, over the 4 banger, which screamed its way through the gears.

The bright green Dynamite, the Merciel and the Bogliq soon outran the old hatchback. Despite that, Ana decided to keep on fighting the group, finding herself chased by a black truck, the Exempla and other racers. Following the neatest lines she was able to due to the traffic, she kept dancing through the commuters and the people who were not taking part in the race.

“We’re not letting them have it!” - Shouted Ana, as she played with the steering wheel, controlling the pedals and upshifting and downshifting whenever she could. “Did you take a look at the gearshift, Alejandro?”.

“It seemed alright when I inspected it!” - He replied.

“Well, guess what! The fourth gear is hard to get into, the synchro is not working properly!” - Ana replied.

“Look, isn’t that the Bogliq?” - Ana asked, looking at the blue race car stopped at the side of the road. “Looks like they got pulled over.”

“Maybe speeding. They should be more careful when it comes to avoiding the police.” - Alejandro replied.

Ana then took a look at the rear view mirror. The truck was still there, drafting behind them, trying to overtake. Ana blocked the attempts, fearing for the consequences if they crashed as their car was noticeably smaller, but she managed to keep the truck at bay; however, the battle would still carry on as they reached the waypoint.

To be continued.

Fatigue: +1 (that start was intense and required Ana to pay extra attention).
Morale: +1 (we’ve reached the first waypoint! Our pace is consistent!)
Notes: individual throttle bodies inline 4, loud. Playing synthwave through a phone, only hearable if someone’s close.


Team Harcourt-Entwhistle

Mopey : Gran, do we have to visit EVERY rundown craphole on this journey???


Mopey : OW!!!

Gran: We’ll have less of that language young man! You’ve been to some of the best schools money can afford.

Spanners: Only because he was thrown out of most of them. He does have a point though Mrs E…we’ll never win this if we stop everywhere!

Gran: And we’ll have less of that from you David! We’re sightseeing and THAT’S the final say on the matter. Oh, by the way David…I noticed a hole in the back of the vehicle…is that dangerous in any way?

Spanners: Erm…well I had a problem getting enough metal to weld the floor in…I’m sure it’s going to be alright…fingers crossed…hopefully. Now about these “stops”.

Gran: Not another word I said. Remember the tortoise and the hedgehog, well that same principle is at work here!

Mopey: Hare Gran…the tortoise and the HARE! All these other people are HARES…but they won’t wait around and let us win!


Mopey: OW!!!



Pit Stop US Part 1

In Town, Thursday (Day 1), Just after 8am. Less than 1 hour before Driver’s Meeting

James is standing in front of the camera. “Well, today’s the start of the Go West Deathtrap Tour. We’re meeting in front the National Frontier Trails Museum in about an hour.” The camera zooms out a bit to capture the car.
“I made a run to the parts store at 8, to see if they had a light switch for this car in stock,” says James, “They didn’t. So I made a run to the local hardware store to pick up some supplies.” He bends down to start unplugging a wiring mess on the light switch. The dash is partially disassembled.
“This toggle switch should get us by so we don’t have to disconnect the battery every night. Now Nathan is out going for a run. I think he actually just wants to see what junk we’ll be running against. And old man dirt, he’s checking out of the hotel and getting us coffee.”

“Now a little history for those of you at home,” continues James, “The Corzippa GT2 was a car of 3s: 300 hp, 3000lbs, and 3 wheel drive. When the all wheel drive system is not maintained properly, sometimes one wheel will randomly lock up, and sometimes it will receive no power at all. Most of the time it’s the later, but the former is what costed AEA so much in lawsuits and helped bring them to near bankruptcy at the turn of the century. As luck would have it, our AWD system is showing signs of failure, also know as torque bind.”

Nathan comes jogging back. “So,” he asks, “did you get the lights fixed then?”
“Finishing it up right now,” stated James. “But we got bigger problems.”
Nathan: “Oh?”
“You know that shudder I felt in my seat yesterday when we were going around the sharp corner?” asks James.
Nathan: “Yeah, isn’t it the differential?”
“Not exactly,” replies James, “It’s torque bind. I took the car around a few corners in the parking lot and it appeared consistently.”
Nathan: “So that’s bad?”
James: “Yep.”

Charles walks up to the duo, “Got yer coffees, fresh with yer creamers and sugars.”
“Oh, thanks,” James and Nathan say in unison.
“So, what’s the verdict?” asks Charles.
Nathan: “The awd is junk. It has torque bind.”
“Oh, dear,” replied Charles, slightly deflated.
Nathan: “It will hold up for the event though, right?”
“Sure,” replied James, half sarcastic.

Event start, 10am
The Pit Stop team starts off, at an easy but quick pace. Car seems to be preforming well enough.

“So, we’re following the Oregon Trail, right?” asks Nathan.
“Yep,” replies James, who is currently driving.
“So what landmarks are we going to stop by then?” asks Nathan.
“Whichever ones your heart desires,” replies James, jokingly.
“We should definitely see Chimney rock then,” says James, “…Most of the important forts as well…”
“The Golden Spike Tower in North Platte,” interjects Charles, “We can’t miss that.”
“Of course,” James replies, “we can go see your trains for an hour if you’d like.”

With that, Charles reclined his seat, satisfied. Nathan then decided it would be more comfortable to use the rear seats as a bed, and tried stretching out on them.

(An unspoken rule in Pit Stop is to never seriously upset the old man. Whether it was out of respect, or fear, is unknown, as Charles had served in the US Marines but somehow retained his sanity after his final tour had ended.)


Inside the Science Guys Shromet Mystic.

“Honestly, fuck the Midwest.” Nicholas says while staring out the open window, at the admittedly pretty but mundane western scenery.

“Tell us how you really feel…” Agustus rolls his eyes.

“Alright, I will! NOTHING good comes from here. The only people who live here are inbred cocaine dealers and polygamists. Even then, the buffalo population is larger than most states.” Nicholas Ranted…

“How do you live with him?..” Agustus sighed, looking back to Steve.

“Hey, can we at least wait until a bit more of the trip has passed to kill one another?” Steve pops his head over the center console. “How’s the car holding up, Gus?”

“It feels brand new, honestly… And by that, I mean, slow, tragic, weak, and slushy. But mechanically fine.” Agustus Nods. “Except for… Y’know.” He gestures at the hole in the floorpan, which all three know exists, but are choosing to ignore.

“Shush! It’s not there if we ignore it!” Nicholas says. “Look. We’re a little behind right now… But I think we’ll catch up if we don’t push it and just maintain a good average speed…”

“You do the mappy bit, I’ll do the drivey bit, okay Nicky?” Agustus nods.

“I told you not to call me Nicky…” Nicholas Glares.


Team ‘Southend Or Bust’

Original Post - Previous Post

Out of Kansas and off into the west. Southend or Bust and their might Berlose Touring, which was currently being called Nancy, were on the way. Graceland playing on the stereo, James with his sunglasses on (of course) and Martin reading through the original owners manual, it was just like old times.

Seb was behind the wheel. As if by coincidence, they kept tailing another mid-80s wagon, the Shromet Mystic of the Science Guys. “Their car looks nice” he said all of a sudden. “Hardly a scratch on it”.

Martin picked up on the passive-aggressiveness immediately. “Are you really going to do this?” he asked.

“I’m just saying, why couldn’t you find a slightly better car than this” Seb replied.

“This is big, comfy and the engine is good. It’ll see us through” said Martin confidently.

“Honestly Seb” James chipped in “I think you need to see the positives. It’s a decent ride. And look, it even has a sun roof!” he said, twisting the handle to open it up. It got stuck. James yanked it, but it was no use. “Well, a sun roof that doesn’t open”.

“Mmmm” Seb mumbled. It was starting to become his new catchphrase.

Southend Or Bust ploughed on towards the Iowa border. Two of them, at least, were feeling good about the trip.


Day 1 - Kent Croissants

Previous Day

“Why did we have to start so early Aaron we were up late, I needed a lay in” repeated Damien for around the third time to the annoyance of Aaron who was driving.

“We had to get to the drivers meeting remember, and we didn’t exactly make the best impression only just arriving on time and Jordan snorting when the bloke said dysentery” replied Aaron.

A “sorry” was heard from Jordan who was slouched in the backseat cleaning his thick framed black glasses on his T-shirt. His hand was touching the roof of the car through the open window.

“Put some music on Damien something loud it’ll wake us up it’s like being in a morgue” Aaron said trying to bring some life to his two team mates

Damien flicked through his phone and turned on the radio and the album started pumping out of the little cars speakers. Damien turned up the volume rolled down his window and sent the music out of the car.

The little car drove onward music loud and its passengers gradually waking up.

Fatigue: +1
Morale: +1


Oops, I’ve fixed it… No idea how I managed to make that error, lol! :cowboy_hat_face:


I’d suggest blaming it on too much of Kentucky’s finest



Day I

09:00 Drivers Meeting:

Luigi: How are you holding up?

Zach: Fine. Just feels like somewhat ripped my heart out with an auger.

Luigi: You’ll get over it.

Zach: That’s what they all say!

Luigi: You think you’re the only one who’s had his heart broken? To this day I still feel hurt over Isabella, and I haven’t seen her in twenty eight years!

Zach: Who’s Isabella?

Luigi: One of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever known. We had something together back in the old country. I asked her to come with me to the United States.

Zach: And she refused?

Luigi: Not only that, but I later learned she was sleeping around on me. That made moving easier I must admit. Came to the US leaving nothing behind but an estranged family.

Zach: And this is supposed to make me feel better?

Luigi: No, it’s not. Just a reminder that you aren’t alone when it comes to being miserable. And how you deal with it is up to you and you alone.

Zach: …

(Blake and Marc walk back from the Drivers Meeting)

Marc: Mr. Bitch!

Luigi: Monsignor Assholio!

Zach: So what is this stupid trip about?

Blake: Checking our shitty attitude.

Marc: We’re driving the path of the Oregon Trail.

Zach: Hmm…

Blake: No, we’re not going to do any wasteful hunting.

Luigi: I don’t understand.

Blake: Zach used to play “Oregon Trail” on the computer. Every hunting trip he’d shoot 2000-3000 pounds of food.

Zach: But the stupid party could only carry 200 pounds back to the wagon.

Marc: Did it not occur to them to make trips?

Zach: That’s what I said!

Luigi: So we’re going out on the trail?

Blake: We’re taking roads, but we’re also going to visit different landmarks along the way.

Luigi: First things first though.


Luigi: Radiator is filled with water, I checked, we won’t have far to go until we hit a parts store.

Blake: Let’s do it.

(The Enforcer takes off at a considerably less aggressive pace than the other cars, a few minutes later they arrive at the local NAPA parts store)

Employee: Can I help you?

Blake: I’m looking for a water pump for a 1995 Petoskey Stag Big Chief.

Employee: Just a minute.

(time passes)

Employee: God dammit! Am I the only one who’s working today? I’m the only one at the damn counter, so why is nobody putting away truck? I swear to God I should’ve been a murderer!

(Time passes as the employee looks through a pallet for the water pump that’s conveniently not on the shelf because nothing has been put away yet)

Employee: Sorry about that, here’s the pump. Is there anything else I can get you?

Blake: A thermostat for the same vehicle plus the gasket.

Luigi: That’s it all right.

(One moment later)

Employee: Here you go, will that be all?

Luigi: These two gallons of antifreeze as well.

Employee: Okay, let me register your warranty…

Employee: … Okay, will that be cash or card?

Blake: Card.

Employee: Okay, your total comes to $108.79

(card is swiped, transaction complete)

Employee: There you go, have a good day.


Blake: Okay, we’ve got what we need. Marc, why don’t you and Zach take a walk or something, get some fresh air. Luigi and I will take care of this.

Zach: It’d be something if I still had a phone.

Blake: Well, look in the back seat, there’s a fantastic invention, it’s a bunch of papers bound together with little ink squaggles on them. That should be loads of fun.

(Marc and Zach go for a walk around the area while Blake and Luigi set to work replacing the water pump.)

Morale is reduced due to car troubles and the lack of progress.


Team Redneck (DMA?)

Day 0

Otis is instructing Jake on the finer points of figuring out who is capable of what, as well as their cars capabilities as the Hooligans come roaring in.

Otis, “Them chances are they will push too hard and destroy their car one way or another.”

Later that night Jake opens an ice chest and begins grinning ear to ear. "You know that crap beer we got 6 months ago? Well it got packed on accident so I left it with some of the extra food, and now 2 of them are missing.

Day 1 5:00am

Otis and Jake get up light a fire and start making a large breakfast with steak, eggs, potatoes and vegetables. The two have to wait another 4 and a half hours before the announcement, so set about packing and checking over the truck to make sure all the fluids are filled.

Jake, “Jeesh why such a late start, we could have been on the road hours ago.”

After the drivers meeting Otis and Jake set out with Jake driving and Otis using his cell phone as a navigator.

An hour later many of the cars have all fallen into a line, with Jake and Otis drafting the Conte.

Jake chuckled as he drifted back and forth, “Hey dad, watch this” as he drifted to the right, the Conte moving to block.

Otis, “Try drifting left then when they start to move to block pull back right” Jake did so and the Conte swerved back and forth wildly. They continued laughing as they would occasionally change lanes just to see their competitors veer back and forth.


Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Thursday, 12PM - 2PM

Weather Conditions: 90 degrees, sunny, humid

Most vehicles are on I-80 West.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): California Hill.

Next Waypoint: Fort Kearny State Historical Site

TBDC: 122 mi OD: 243 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None

TBDC: 63 mi OD: 63 mi MRL: -3 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Minor Park. Replacing a water pump on hot asphalt sucks.

TBDC: 120 mi OD: 243 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Slowed down by traffic.

TBDC: 119 mi OD: 137 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None.

TBDC: 118 mi OD: 202 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +1 Notes: Nebraska is flAAAAAAAt

TBDC: 141 mi OD: 216 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +3 Notes: One of the fiberglass patches (and some of the original fiberglass) on the LR wheel flare has torn off. Much wind noise. On the other hand, this thing is FAAAST.

TBDC: 114 mi OD: 227 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: None.

TBDC: 124 mi OD: 242 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: None.

TBDC: 99 mi OD: 217 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +2 Notes: Delayed a short bit after the hood flew up against the windshield at freeway speeds.

TBDC: 112 mi OD: 225 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +1 Notes: Stopped for lunch and fuel in Lincoln, NE. As team arrived very close to 2pm, this will bleed into the next time block.

TBDC: 122 mi OD: 235 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: None.

TBDC: 119 mi OD: 229 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None.

TBDC: 101 mi OD: 214 mi MRL: -4 FTG: +3 Notes: At almost 2pm exactly, 11 miles east of Lincoln, the radiator blows a hole. Car was shut down before it overheated and cracked the head. Team can be towed to town and attempt repair.

TBDC: 123 mi OD: 241 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: None

TBDC: 114 mi OD: 229 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: None

TBDC: 112 mi OD: 227 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Car has developed an intermittent misfire.

TBDC: 118 mi OD: 239 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None.

TBDC: 116 mi OD: 234 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: None.

TBDC: 115 mi OD: 228 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None.

The following vehicles are in packs:
Ardent, Dynamite - 243 mi
PRJ, Erin, Letto - 227 mi

Team Teal Terror

Fuzz glanced over at the Ardent’s instrument panel, but could only read the tach and coolant temp. “How we doing on gas?”

“A little less than half a tank left,” Jen replied. “Getting close to the milestone, too. Probably just a little past the Fort.”

“Good! Looking forward to it.” Fuzz’s stomach gurgled audibly.

“I hope for your sake that’s hunger and not gas,” Jen poked.

Fuzz nodded. “Just need a little snack. What have we got, anyway?” he asked as he turned and reached for a cloth bag stashed behind Jen’s seat. He set it in his lap and peered inside. She just smiled. “OH WHAT THE FUCK?”

Jen couldn’t contain herself, and burst out laughing.

“Seriously, Jen, the fuck is wrong with you?” he growled as he produced a jar of Vegemite from inside the bag.

“Brings back memories, doesn’t it?”

“I hate you.”


Highway Hooligans

Day 1, Stage 1 (10-Noon)

“Get out of the fast lane, cock-nugget!” Jake yelled, tailgating the Storm Surge as close as he could, until the little hybrid dodged out of the way to avoid getting rammed off of the road. The E5’s truck engine snarled as the Hooligans floored it again, hurtling down the road, only to have to slow up again because of a semi passing another semi. Jake leaned on the horn, then cut across to the shoulder and gunned it, the turbo whining as they passed on the right. The semi finished the pass, but Marcus noticed another problem.

“That teal turd is in our rear view.”

“Are you fucking shitting me right now!? We are not getting passed by a base-model wanna-be sports-coupe-has-been.” Jake said. As team Teal Terror started to close in on them, mostly due to the intense traffic slowing up the Dynamite E5, however, the mood in the car turned from anger to insanity.

“You know, we might be able to hold them off…” Trevor said, grinning. Cody gave Trevor a high-five, then said, “Marcus, shall we?”

“Let’s do it.”

Jake looked over at Marcus and gave a light nod. “Hoist the colors.”

Marcus jabbed a button on the radio, and the power retracting radio antenna started raising up from the passenger side rear quarter panel. As it stretched into the sky, the Jolly Roger unfurled in the strong wind, the old skull-and-crossbones pirate flag waving in the vicious breeze.

“Man the Cannons.” Jake said, grinning. Trevor propped the pneumatic potato cannon against the driveshaft tunnel, aimed at the inside of the door as the Teal Terror closed in on them. Trevor yanked the door handle and the Dynamite’s rear sliding door rushed open.

“Fire!” Jake yelled, and Trevor did so. The plastic pipe cannon erupted in a burst of confetti, glitter, and streamers, sailing across the windshield of the Teal Terror, though didn’t actually hit the car.

DING! “Your Driver-side Rear Door is Open.”

“Thank ye, Ivan, for tellin’ us the cannon door is open.” Marcus said, before laughing as Trevor wrenched the door closed.

“Think it’ll have done anything to them?” Cody asked.

“Nah. Worst case scenario, they get glitter in the cabin air vents and a good scare.” Trevor said. “I aimed it well in front of their car so that it wouldn’t hit the windshield or the passenger window.”

“Well, looks like they’ve backed off a little, but they’re still shadowing us. I’d suggest reloading that thing.” Marcus said.

“Yeah, probably best to reload our little party cannon before someone else tries to pass.” Trevor said, agreeing.


Morale: +1 (No Change)
Fatigue: +3 (+2 this leg)
Waypoints Passed: 1
Notes: “Party Cannoned” another team. Held back by traffic.

@VicVictory: Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve got my own list of random events the team’s doing whenever a major ‘event’ happens. Getting caught-up-to, passed, or passing someone else has a list of about 5 or 6 outcomes on it. This was the first one. Hope you don’t mind. Either way, it was phrased in such a way that the worst it did was prevent an outright pass, while demonstrating the sheer insanity of the Highway Hooligans.


I think there’s a mistake: if the Conte has cleared 119 miles this leg, that’d mean it is at 237 miles overall.


Team “Wagons West”

Day -5
Sitting in a roadside diner… Wagons West are contemplating what they’ve done
Bill poured himself a cup of tea, Bushells, no less.
Bill: Aahhh, milk. None of this “creamer” shit! - /grabs a UHT
Toni: Nope. Smart enough to find one of those Aussie product stores… but they were out of Tim Tams.
Beth: Sally Forth. Really. I can’t that believe none of you noticed that her name is “Sally Forth”.
Bill: I’m happy she let us buy that piece of crap.
Toni: Now that I’ve had a look at it the mobile scrap heap, I’m beginning to doubt our odds of dying in a fireball. I’ve fixed the fuel leak near the firewall, and the exhaust… wherever you got it, Wookiee… seems to be holding.
Wookiee: You wanted tubes, I got them. It’s what I do.
Toni: Thanks. I guess.

Day 0
The team have found themselves a cheap motel for the night.
Bill: If we get up too early we’ll have to spend hours wandering around.
Wookiee: Moron. Driver’s meeting at 9. Breakfast is at 7. You will be up at 6.
Bill: I still don’t think it’s fair. I want to finish watching Sharknado 4.
Beth: Bed time, baby.
Bill: Was that “baby”, or “baby”?

Day 1
Driver’s Meeting:

Bill: All I need to know is who’s got first stint.
Beth: What’s the Oregon trail?
Toni: Some American rubbish. Wagons here, horses there, Indians over the hill. That type of stuff.
Wookiee: I’ll go first. I don’t think theres a mad need to blast away from the start. Save the pace for a little later, maybe.
Toni: As long as you don’t drive the way you drove last time, we’ll be fine.
Beth: He can’t be any worse behind the wheel than Bill’s mum.
Toni turns to Bill. : Told you!

(Meeting end)
The team are in the car waiting for their turn to move to the start line, Wookiee at the wheel.
Wookiee: Hey, Bill.
Bill: Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it.
Wookiee: Okay then. Later it is.


Previous [Day 1 Driver’s Meeting through Noon]

Team Rice Box

Day 1, Between Noon and 2pm

“Oh shit, there’s the Erin.” Charlotte called out, as they rounded a bend.
“Well heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeello.”
“The fuck was that, Ly?”
“Uh… Nothing.”
“Do… No, No, You can be… Oh wow. Just fucking… WOW.” Lyra was going a shade of crimson. Charlotte burst out laughing at the thought.
“Stay the fuck with them, then. We’ll follow them, if we can. Maybe you could score a date once we’re done” Charlotte winks to Lyra. Lyra sighs, still rather embarased.
“That… That’s on video, isn’t it?”
“You fucking bet it is.” Lyra turns the radio up, trying to ignore Charlotte’s teasing.

The Radio Track, at the end of this chapter


Team Big Blue, Part 2

I-80 West, en route to Fort Kearny

The past few hundred miles have been uneventful for Team Big Blue so far. On these flat, straight stretches of road, it is clear that there are no corners or hazards to lose any sleep over, especially on a sunny day. As Paul settled into a nice rhythm and cruised down I-80, he had a brief think and asked:

“So, what in the universe are our rivals up to?”

Steve’s answer was, “Rumor has it that the Progress is not as indestructible as we suspected.”

Ash responded, “Why?”

To which Jez replied: “I’m guessing its radiator has ruptured, but that’s the least of our worries. That redneck in his humongous truck, and those hooligans in their bright green Dynamite, are one and two miles ahead of us respectively. However, if we keep driving like this, there’s a chance we could overtake both of those cars.”

Paul concluded: “This plan might just work, so we’ll stick to it. We don’t have to worry about the Enforcer or Bogliq for the moment because they’re way behind us, even though both of them are quite fast. Now, if you would just let me concentrate on my driving, then we’ll all be OK for now.”

And so Team Big Blue continued to head west on I-80, not far behind the two leading entries and maintaining a steady pace.