Home | Wiki | Discord | Dev Stream | YouTube | Archived Forums | Contact

His Highness Demands Round #2 (1956-62) [RESULTS]


About one day to deadline, once I get some time I’ve got a few more entries to check for rule compliance. So far everything is golden. Good amount of entries, some are very good. If you haven’t entered but are lurking like a Capitalist, hone your competitive skills cause it’s gonna be a close one.




If that ad doesn’t make the ZZT tempting enough for Semyonovians, then I don’t know what will.


The phrase “Its gonna be a close one” gives me hope as the Flirtlandia only got second to last


May it please His Highness: The delegation from ATI offers you the ATI M19, for 1,130 Daktoz. The M19 shown in Semyonovian military issue green, comes with a 1900 cc H4 capable of running on low quality fuel, vodka, rutabaga juice, what have you. It averages 11.1 miles per gallon, and is capable of handling just about any terrain you can throw at it.


Avtonovia C001

In all its bare-steel glory, ready to get a Semyonovian paint treatment.


Introducing KGB (Kyuusoku Gotsui Binshou) Semyonovia Elite Infliltration/Exfiltration Personnel Carrier.

Fully equipped with:
2000cc I4 - 76 HP/117 nm on 80 RON fuel
1072kg Steel Frame
4 speed manual
2 full-size replacement wheels
2 Jerry cans

0-100km in 16.4 sec
88 mph real world top speed
1194kg load bay

The ultimate in troop battalion transportation in the high paced battlefield of today!

Available from 1187 SDZ


Alright, entries received from:


Everyone’s cars have begun to be reviewed by the Chairman of Foreign Affairs and a certain General of the Royal Semyonovian Self Defense Force, who also happened to bring along a fighter pilot for some reason.

Make sure you PM those files, entries close in 7.75 hours - 11:59 PM April 5th.

Also make sure you upload your entries via the forums, cause I’m not clickin’ on some Capitalist spy malware. If I get malware through the forums, you’re just double capitalist.

Submissions are now closed as of 2:30 AM 4/6!

Wish your fellow competitors good luck and make sure to attack Capitalism in both your dreams and your hearts, cause judging is underway!


I wish everyone good luck
Because I might stand a chance


We all know you make works of art Ender. Also good luck! Too bad I gotta wait till round 3, but I can’t wait to see the King’s reactions!


APRIL 1955

Foreign Affairs Chairman Akulov Yanovikch, Honorable General Gavula Kresvzo, and S-103 pilot Vladisyat Llemocivh have been called in to handle a pressing manner – the Semyonovian state’s new utility vehicle. Twelve manufacturers had supplied test vehicles to the monarchy, and before the three committee members had arrived, these vehicles had been arranged and prepared for display in Royal Air Self Defense Force 12th Squadron’s hangar, in an otherwise unremarkable base near Seydotzt.

As the three arrive, Vladisyat simply walking out of his quarters and across the airfield, Krevzo being driven up in a limousine, and Yanovikch arriving in a small plane, they these vehicles, their respective representatives, and several dead lights in the hangar.

As they acquainted themselves, the three ventured to the first vehicle –


The Petrov SEM.

“This isn’t new!” Yanovikch cried. “The King and I selected this as the People’s car years ago, why is it here?” “It’s a new version,” Llemocivh said, looking up from the brochure. “It might actually be viable. Very cheap, makes decent power. Lots of torque. The engine’s quite good.” General Gavula, popping the door open, looked inside. “Da, very basic inside. No matter, though.” Yanovikch moved around to the rear, looking into the cargo area. “Not the largest in here, comrades. What’s it’s load capacity?” “Says it’s just over half of a ton. Not very good,” Llemocivh said, paging through the brochure, before pausing, turning his head to look at the small off-roader, and then looking back at the brochure. “Does this even have a towing hitch?” “Yes, of course,” Yanovikch replied. “It says, right here, maximum recommended towing capacity is TWENTY-EIGHT POUNDS!” Llemocivh cried, on the verge of breaking down into laughter. “Not even thirty!”
“That’s not any good, then,” Yanovikch said. “Gavula!” The general, now climbing into the back, paused. “We’re moving on.”

A military vehicle has to tow more than 28 pounds.

The trio approached the next vehicle –


The Persktokt Empire.

“That looks more the part,” Gavula exclaimed as he walked around the blocky, imposing figure. “And it seems as well equipped as the Petrov, if not better!” Llemocivh took a brochure from the snappily-dressed representative, immediately thumbing to the towing capacity. Letting out an audible sigh of relief, he informed the others. “Seventeen hundred pounds, it’s got a chance.” Gavula popped the hood. “Big engine,” he said, as Yanovikch opened the back doors. “Plenty of space back here- might be a bit hard to use, though. How efficient is it?” the Chairman shouted. Llemocivh, paging through the brochure rapidly, replied quickly. “Thirteen miles to the gallon.” “That’s not very good at all!” “Well, it does have four wheel drive. Quite the off-roader,” Gavula chimed in. “Looks relatively cheap to maintain, too.” “So, then, no pressing issues?” Yanovikch asked. “No, it’s a solid vehicle!” Gavula replied. “If we don’t find the rest are incredible, this should be a competitor. I’m not really feeling the looks, though - looks too Western."

Solid vehicle, other than somewhat low towing and load capacity.

The trio moved on to the next contender.


The Mula.

“It doesn’t look like a concept, or a military truck, for that matter.” Llemocivh observed as the three approached the Mula. “It’s a basic-looking van. And is it just called the Mula? Who made it?” Yanovikch took a brochure from the vehicle’s representative. “How much does it tow?” he asked. “Half a ton,” the man replied. “Hardly suitable,” Yanovikch muttered. “Economy?” “It’ll do around twenty miles to the gallon, sir,” Yanovikch was told. Then, suddenly, Gavula let out a shriek. “LOOOK AT THESEEE!!!” Llemocivh and Yanovikch rushed over, followed closely by several men with rifles, who quickly turned away when the realized that the men were talking about the Mula’s incredibly large wheels. “That’s not going anywhere offroad!” Gavula exclaimed.

Extremely low offroad and low towing holding back an otherwise solid car. Also, ya didn’t follow naming. Brunator.

The group moved on, yet again, to something a bit more Capitalist looking.


The Franklin Rhino Perskstokt.

Immediately, Gavula was drawn to the rear of the Rhino, where the bed was already equipped with seating, fuel cans and tools. “Very well disposed to carrying cargo,” he said. Llemocivh was already inside the Rhino, opening the roof hatches and poking his head out. “Very practical!” he chimed. “Looks Capitalist,” Yanovikch muttered. “Too British.” Gavula had by then, however, begun admiring the imposing looks. “It looks beautifully capable,” he cooed. By then, however, Yanovikch had gotten to the brochure and read off the price and service costs. “There’s no way in blyat we’ll be able to service these things! It’s more than sixty Dakotz a year- and that’s just the estimate! Almost a fourth more than the Empire!” At that point, though, it didn’t matter - Gavula had already started the engine and started driving away - albeit very slowly, as the Rhino, unfortunately only had fifty horsepower. Forty seconds later, Gavula had reached sixty and had parked the Rhino. “I don’t like it any more,” he said.

We’ll see. Capable but very slow.


haha jk its coming tonight in a four pacc


In a dimly lit room at the back of the ATI factory in Estonia:
As you may have figured out, Ivan messed up the paperwork when he submitted the Semyonovian proposal. No doubt word has already made its way back to Moscow about our insubordination and incompetence, and every last one of us will likely be collected and sent to Siberia. Right now Ivan is doing the best he can to stall the KGB, that should buy us some time. You should all go home, and say goodbye to your loved ones, now.


part 1 part 2


Again, the three move on, to something that looks more acceptable for the Communist monarchy.


The Popas Moskwa Military.

Yanovikch immediately went for the information, while the General immediately began removing the roof. Llemocivh helping, the two soon had it off, and had hopped in. Luckily, as they tore off, out of the hangar, they realized it was not as slow as the Rhino, at all - sixty was achieved in a mind-blowing eighteen seconds, but, sadly, by then, Yanovikch had discovered the vehicle’s fatal flaws. As the two joyriders returned to the hangar, the Chairman of Foreign Relations had begun running straight at them, waving a handful of papers. “It’s no good!” he screamed. “Get out, get out! It’s rated for zero pounds of towing!” Llemocivh, now in awe of the vehicle’s monstrous feat, grabbed the papers from Yanovikch and immediately began questioning the meaning of life. “Why would they give us something that looks this good without reading our requests?? It’s worse than the People’s Car, and that’s not even supposed to be a truck!” As the General stepped out of the truck, sadly, of course, the car’s flaw was revealed - the suspension shuddered and bounced as the relatively small man removed his own weight. The general, of course, pocketed the driver’s Manifesto that had come with the otherwise good vehicle.

the springs were literally capitalist pigs but even softer bro, and also cargo volume was incredibly low (but I was willing to overlook that because of the promised Manifestos)

Then, the three moved on to something that was a bit… different.


The Groglog.

“Give me the ratings!” Yanovikch hollered at the representative for whatever company sent this mis-named Thing. “Towing!” The man stuttered, looking at the small 4x4 and back at Yanovikch. “This is supposed to tow?” Meanwhile, Gavula had seen the massive twin rear taillights. “Yanovikch, get over here! It’s like that other one, from the first selection! The lights are huge!” The small general, barely holding back laughter at the vehicle’s appearance, screamed across the hangar. Several miscellaneous servicemen happened to catch a glimpse of the rear, and then also broke down into laughter. Llemocivh, meanwhile, had put his head in his hands. “We’ve gone through half of the proposals so far, what else’s in store for us?” he muttered, already feeling quite tired.

it can tow 0 lbs and can carry 500. LQ fuel but naming my dude

The three moved on yet again, to something that seemed to have come directly from their friendly neighbors - yet again! (yet again)


The Rush B

also known as ZZT Cлава-150 Persktokt

Yanovikch, running up to the boxy, Eastern-looking truck, had one thing on his mind. “How much can it tow!?” he demanded immediately. The startled man wearing a balaclava might as well have been the same one who presented the Popas, because he quickly replied, “I think towing figures are broken, and this game just doesn’t work sometimes” saying, again, “It’s supposed to tow?” This time, unfortunately, Gavula did not have enough time to take in the exquisite Eastern Bloc looks, in part because he had discovered the selection of propaganda posters made to sell the vehicle and, of course, because Yanovikch had already moved on. Llemocivh in tow. A look of despair on both of their faces. On the other hand, Gavula was just happy to be smelling so much new car. A welcome break from strategizing, for sure, and he got a new poster to take home.

0 tow for like the third time out of six entries, but it used LQ fuel

The trio moved on yet again due to incredibly low tow ratings, to another Soviet-looking creation - one that might have included some serious vodka consumption.

The Federal Avtozavod - Виктор Мк.II. Also known as Kvass Vodka

Yanovikch, not one to boast of his stamina, had slowed his run by the time he got to the beautiful Communist masterpiece that awaited. Gavula, of course, arrived just in time to overhear the man in the ushanka tell Yanovikch that it had a V8. Gavula, of course, immediately jumped in and started the engine. Practically tearing the rubber from the wheels, he revved to 4000 rpm for the twenty seconds it took to get to sixty. And good news from Yanovikch - it could tow enough to bring along some military gear or another vehicle. And the load capacity wasn’t completely terrible. And, of course with skinny tires, it looked like it could go just about anywhere. Yanovikch’s only complaint was a low expected economy rating, and that wasn’t so bad - the vehicle made up for it with it’s jack of all trades status. When Gavula returned, he was informed that the Avtozavod was a solid contender, with which he heartily agreed. Looking in the cargo area just confirmed their suspicions - the Mk.II was a very solid vehicle compared to the competition. And the V8 was a bonus.

is gud and not capitalist but damn if everyone else didnt get 0 lbs tow rating

That’s all for part 2 of part 1! 4 more to go, of which 3 will hopefully not have a 0 lb tow rating.


thats broken as hell with the towing, but i guess thats how the automation gods have decieded things should go. Damn you killrob! :joy:


| Thought the groglog could atleast tow a cominturismo


I’m flattered!


i sure hope i’m not getting binned for the towing rating… because i tested it already :stuck_out_tongue:

Towing Test

even uphill. (although some momentum and low range gears were neccesary)


Well my Petrov can tow this Saab replica at 70 Km/h speeds on the highway so…


well if it’s highway speed… i haven’t tested it. since… you know… the 50s… not a 1st world nation… not much paved road yet probably

just established trails


That looks like it would not really be able to tow for very long. Look at the rear suspension.

Something like this doesn’t have a noticeable effect on the rear - the Petrov is squatting all the way down, if it hits a bump that’s a lot of damage. I know I said ‘tune for offroad’ but that’s not all you had to do.

There’s another - massive RV on the rear axle, very, very little squat. I’m expecting that the Automation tow rating might be a bit off, so anything above 1000 lbs was good by me, like no complaint. But here’s probably one of my better test mules, with a towing capacity of 2500 lbs.

at 45 mph, because 60 hp doesn’t make for a quick acceleration to 60. Towing weights on a trailer with very minimal squat. The Petrov is squatted into the floor at a lower speed towing about the same weight - what happens when it needs to haul heavy equipment? I’m still just going off of Automation towing though, not using Beam for testing.