fuck you, buy this car.
Only 16 hours to go before submissions close!
Kinda looks like a Toyota Crown if you squint your eyes long enough.
Just under 6 hours left! Hurry up if you have an entry hanging.
PS: I’ll be asleep by the time entry time is over. I won’t be accepting any more entries that will be sent after 12 AM at GMT time, 28th Jan
The future of Semyonovia is NOW! Show the world how great we are with a great car. PersktoTurbo gives you MORE!
6 cylinders. 3 valves per cylinder. 5 speeds. 5 spoke alloy wheels. Advanced suspension. And, PersktoTurbo technology!
long nose for long engine comrade
Semyonvian traffic can be tough. But SaZ is tougher. Energy absobent, plastic bumpers protect SaZ from minor accidents, while standard airbags, ABS, and 3 point seatbelts protect occupants from harm.
SaZ is comfortable. 5 seats with genuine leather. Premium sound system for perfect quality when listening to glorious state-run radio stations or patriotic Semyonvian music cassettes. And with so much space! You could live in a SaZ. Not that you’d ever need to, of course, Semyonivian system would never leave you homeless.
Alright, submissions are closed. Give me a day or two to sort out all the entries. Wishing all the entrants best of luck
His Highness Demands: Round #8 (1992-1998), Judgement Pt1
The day has come, 12 manufacturers have sent their car in for King Gevketovt III, to evaluate. Previously, he had evaluated cars along with his and King Gevketovt II's trusty Minister, Akulov Yanovikch. Unfortunately, Mr. Yanovikch has grown old, and King Gevketovt III is pretty much confident that in this day of modern automobiles, his knowledge about them is rather lackluster.
Which is why he has decided to call in for special help. He has flown in German Car Journalist and Enthusiast Wolfgang Reger from the land of the Deutsch. Mr. Reger is keen on helping the Semyonovian Monarchy and finding them the NEW people's car. He'll be aiding them in their way of choosing vehicles and what would be the best for which segment.
You heard that right, I've decided to choose 3 vehicles for 3 different segments. The podium finishers will be imported exclusively in Semyonovia by The King's order. The champion being the true people's car and brought in mass numbers, and the other two for their own respectable segments.
5th of June, 1993
The King is arriving at the docks where all 12 of the cars are now parked after reaching Semyonovia, along with Mr. Yanovikch, in his Limo. Mr. Reger should be able to join them soon enough after they’re done with the basic inspection.
- King Gevketovt III = K, Akulov Yanovikch = AY, Wolfgang Reger = WR
K: So, all the cars have arrived, I presume?
AY: Yes, your Highness, they are now kept in the garages right beside the main jetty. At your arrival, they’ll be brought outside and assembled for primary inspection. Should any car fail to impress us, it will be boarded back to the ship the cars came in. Only 3 cars will remain today at our glorious land.
K: Excellent, Mr. Yanovikch. How about Mr. Reger?
AY: Mr. Reger had telephoned us back when we were in the office. He has already started from his temporary residence and will be at the spot by the time we finish our primary inspections.
K: So everything’s arranged well. I look forward to today’s venture of choosing the people’s car then, Mr Yanovikch. The people have been very uncooperative lately. But I can’t blame them either. First the fall of USSR, now there beloved and reliable cars failing. What an absolutely dreadful scenario to be in.
AY: Indeed, your Highness. However, from next week, things will change. As the new people’s cars of Semyonovia enter our land, the people would eventually find new hope and once again, be faithful of their Monarchy.
K: I hope so, Mr. Yanovikch. I really hope so…
The King has arrived, the garage doors have been opened and representitives of each brand have come forward to bow to King Gevketovt III before they proceed to their cars respectively. Upon firing up the engines, the cars have started to assemble in front of the king, one by one. However, the King frowned upon something which Mr. Yanovikch noticed.
AY: Your Highness, is there anything wrong?
K: You see that car, Mr. Yunovikch? The red one, boxy and small…
AY: Yes your Highness, is there something peculiar about it that you’ve noticed?
K: It’s… it’s making this insufferable racket that I can’t really bear. We can’t really let a car that’s meant to be for civilians be this loud right?
AY: Indeed your Highness, in fact we specifically put a noise limit for the road spec cars here. I assume the engineers at Katsuro made a mistake and sent us the wrong model. Perhaps it’s missing a muffler.
K: We can’t let that be allowed here, and this shouldn’t be overlooked at either. They had a whole year to send us a properly built car and still they mess up…
AY: I’ll call the representative from Katsuro and tell them to board the Eluna GT back on the ship, then, your Highness.
Instabinned for going waaaaay over the noise limit. It was okay-ish otherwise but that noise limit alone killed it. Sorry dude, better luck next time
K: Be my guest. Other entries seem fine, so let’s carry on with them
AY: Indeed, your Highness!
At this point, Mr. Reger has arrived and he is ready to share his thoughts on the cars
K: Ah, good morning Mr. Reger! I hope you had a pleasant journey on your way to the docks.
WR: Good morning your Highness. Indeed, the roads have been fixed by quite a lot since the last time I came here in Semyonovia, which was during your father’s reign.
K: Thank you, Mr. Reger. Shall we get on with choosing the cars then?
Popas Cheechi by @Mikonp7
K: Oh… wow, is this car from our fellow comrade’s nation?
WR: It is, your Highness. It’s the new Popas Cheechi for this year. I have to say it’s looking rather brilliant. For something so crude…
K: Is it crude though? Looks quite the part, I’d say.
WR: Well if we talk about some of the rather outdated engineering choices of this car such as a rather small V8 with almost no modern bits powering it, or the safety equipments from the last decade or even just how rough and ruggedly the parts are built for it… Yes, your Highness, it’s very crude.
AY: It’s dirt cheap though, and the engine seems to be reliable.
WR: Because of, like I said, use of outdated bits that aren’t really complex but also aren’t ideal either. Also I can already tell you that this is the least safe car here, of all. Also the fuel economy is… quite shite, pardon my language.
K: I see… As much as I’m happy that our comrades sent us a car, times aren’t going so well and I’m afraid I’ll have to drop this one.
WR: Wise decision, your Highness.
HAM HC6 2.5 by @abg7
WR: Ah! It’s the new HAM, and it’s a completely new model as well. Knowing HAM cars for a long time, I’m sure they went absolutely ham with the engineering to craft something brilliant for the ham-consuming people of Semyonovia!
K: I see what you did there, Mr. Reger. I hope they didn’t drop the ham on managing the road manners and creature comforts of this car.
WR: Oh this car is very comfortable for its budget. Even though it has rather cheap Faux Leather interior bits with some fake wood and plastic panelling, they’re built very well and will last longer than usual.
AY: I can also see a a cassette player, is that standard?
WR: The cassette player is standard and so is this car’s revolutionary power steering system. Unlike most power steering systems of this age, this car provides you a feedback of the road surface thus making it better to drive.
K: Is it safe and reliable though, Mr. Reger?
WR: Well, it’s quite reliable for what modern gizmos and hardware it packs. The suspension system this car has is… well you better hope HAM sets up a dedicated showroom and servicing center here. But in general it’s quite reliable and very decently safe.
AY: Mr. Reger, am I seeing this right… According to HAM, they’re saying that the annual service costs of this car is only $680! Have they gone ham or are they lying?
WR: Ah no, Mr Yanovikch. While it uses modern bits, it is also built and tuned in such a way that it wouldn’t require much maintenance at all. It also does about 28 MPG. This is overall, a great car. Definitely a strong contender. I suggest keeping it on the line for consideration.
Decarlis D50 @Arn38fr
K: Wow, this car seems a bit bold with its split headlights. Looks quite nice though, overall.
WR: It’s the new D50 for this year. It has been revered to be quite the safe car for the budget range. Not as efficient, practical or reliable as the HAM we saw earlier. But offers more passenger space.
AY: Seeing the proposal letter they’ve sent us, it seems like a very prestigious car. It has the same power steering technology as the HAM but also features proper leather interior with a 4 speaker cassette changer combo.
WR: However, they’ve messed up with tuning the suspension, the ride can be a bit jerky but it can soak up bumps in general. It’s not the cheapest to service either.
K: It’s also apparently slightly over the price of the HAM. I don’t think it’s worth it just for the safety itself. We’ll keep this on the side.
Armor Motors Viva Semyonovia @GassTiresandOil
WR: Oh it’s the new Armor Motors car for this year, but styled and geared specifically for Semyonovia!
K: It looks quite nice. I love the badging and styling all around it. Looks quite people friendly.
WR: It sure is one. It may not be as nice to drive, but god is it reliable. Also one of the safest cars of this year, mind you. And see how large the car is? It’s perfect for Semyonovian families for road trips, moving around or just in general.
AY: The size does indeed come at a price though, it’s a moderate drinker. But I guess good enough as the people here mostly use Regular octane anyway. Also I can see that it has leather seats, but cheap cassette sets.
K: Which is also fine, the people of this country need a more rugged car that can go places while providing them entertainment to keep them happy. Swappable options are also a thing they’ll be getting if these cars get to set up dealerships here.
WR: Exactly, your Highness! It even has some newfangled technology called Traction Control, which makes sure the car is behaving well on all surfaces. However, the downsides would be rather high service costs and comparatively low load capacity.
K: Hmm, I like this car but it has some issues that concern me. Perhaps keep it on the line?
Part 1 Ending
Alright I’ll conclude the first part of the judgement round here, mostly because I’m hoping to release the next part within 6-24 hours. It’s very possible that I’ll get them done soon, because I’ve basically finished my end of judging, I just need to finish writing the broad reviews.
Also note that this is not a 2 round judgement, it’s just one big final round I’m dividing in 2 parts because
I’m lazy I couldn’t manage time properly. Hope to see you all soon in the next part Cheers!
Even with some decontenting and detuning, I never thought that the HC6 (a different version of which I had submitted in CSR 118) would remain under consideration, considering how close it was to the maximum price - but it did. Fingers crossed I get a good result in the end…
Is 2 mufflers really a requirement though?
Edit: nvm I see it now…
It’s alright bud We all tend to overlook crucial details and requirements
Honestly because of the limited time I had I may have just skimmed the rules for the most part, and not only in this challenge and often end up instabinning myself.
Woooooo look who’s late
Part 2, Judgement
After finishing a cup of Iced Tea each (because communism), the 3 men have finally decided to get on with the judgement phase of the rest of the cars.
KGB Taka @Kyuu77
K: Oh wow it’s one of those sporty KGB cars. Is this really a suitable car for the people of Semyonovia?
WR: Hmm… in the Taka’s defense, it’s very reliable, safe and practical, drinks less gas than the Armor. Looks quite the part I must say.
AY: Yes, you’re right Mr. Regen, it looks sensible. I’m not entirely sure about the consumer reports on the ride quality. They say that it’s very stiff?
WR: Ah yes, it wouldn’t be a KGB without tight springs and the lowest possible roll angle. This also means that it’d drive not-so-nicely on loose surfaces. In fact the offroad tray is there to tackle that issue I feel like, but what good would that be if the ride torments the passengers to death. Like the Armor, this one has a manual but its power delivery is so sudden when the turbos kick in that it’s not practical at all for daily use.
AY: The interior seems to be very… barren at best. I feel like if they sent us a rather unsporty version of this car, we could’ve easily considered it. Shame
Knightwick Steed 1.8 DX @mart1n2005
Cue the British fucking Leyland memes bois
WR: Oh, it’s a British Leyland car! I wonder how the Knightwick is. I haven’t actually gotten around it yet and funnily enough I’ve only heard good things about it, despite being a BL car.
K: This should be interesting… Wait is this right? The engine reliability index?
WR: Indeed it is, the engine is quite bulletproof. It’s like they took a BMC B motor and actually made it good. The only engine that’s more robust than this is from the Armor Motors car. It hasn’t even skimped on quality!
AY: This is quite amazing… low costs, comfortable, cheap but reliable gizmos. I’m concerned about stuff like how slow it is compared to the others or how low the capacity is.
WR: At least it’s a fuel efficient one, it’s good enough for families. Just not sure about how good it competes with the rest.
AHB - Porro E100M @chichicoofisial
K: So this is the new gen of Porro? Looks quite like the previous gen but still somehow manages to look era correct and beautiful.
WR: I take you’ve had your experiences with Porros before?
AY: Indeed, the King once rode a Porro back in the 80s, when he went to visit Spain. He became very much fond of the thrifty little car.
WR: Well, unfortunately this is not the trim you’d want. This one is slow, offered in manual, standard interior and not as nice to ride.It IS however, very cheap to repair, very reliable and doesn’t chug a lot of fuel.
AY: But that price… if only this was 200-350 dakotz cheaper…
WR: My thoughts as well, Mr. Yunovikch
Rocha Carpo 422 by @lddrs
WR: Uhhh, your Highness, before you look into this car I’ll have to inform you that it uses a fuel injection system called ITB. Basically the car has an injector for every cylinder.
AY: Wait, wouldn’t that dramatically increase service and running costs and also be extremely unreliable?
WR: Indeed, it’s not a refined piece of tech and is only seen on high performance cars as of now.
K: We can’t allow something as experimental as this in the Semyonovian lands I’m afraid. Too bad, the car actually looked decent.
Orion MS525 by @nightwave
AY: Let me just get this out of the way, and I might sound like an old timer who doesn’t understand modern car design, but the lack of lower grille and side vents are kinda unsettling to me.
WR: It’s certainly a very rough iteration of a modern 90s car. Maybe they’ll make it better the next year. But as of now, this is pretty weirdly styled.
K: I had a good look at the brochure… It’s literally more or less around the Porro, the engine has quite bad reliability reviews and it can’t carry even 4 average sized Americans without bottoming out!
WR: Yes, safe to say, this one is out as well.
Kurokama SC-R by @ST1Letho
K: Oh my god!
AY: Your Highness! Is everything alright?
K: What? Oh… no I’m completely fine Mr. Yanovikch… It’s just the youngster in me sprang up the moment I looked at this car.
WR: I can’t but share the same emotions, it really brings out the most childish self of a man. It’s fast, agile, comes with a torque converter as well for the newbies. It performs decently all over our entire board, from where ever we look at it. And the turbocharged engine really sips fuel at 35 mpg!
K: Indeed, it might not be entirely suitable for the common family man though, as it is not a comfort focused car. But then again, what a great addition would this car be. Just look at it!
AY: Perhaps we can inform the representitives of Kurokama and ask them for our 2nd tier contract.
SaZ PersktoTurbo @donutsnail
K: Mr. Reger, this car is as big as the Armor, carries 1100 kilograms, rides like a cloud with a high quality premium interior and cassette changer…
WR: Perfectly balanced suspensions, volumetrically efficient 2.4L Turbocharged 4 banger, relatively high spec features but at lower costs, almost as efficient as the Kama…
AY: And it actually has the most perfect and creative example of Semyonovian special naming.
K: I think we’ve found it, gentlemen…
And now we declare the top 3 vehicles and their reason for getting an official contract from the monarchy of Semyonovia
In 1st place: SaZ PersktoTurbo by @donutsnail for the absolute well balanced machine he has created. The King is much pleased with the design, performance and overall aspects of this car and has decided that this will be the new Semyonovian commonners car.
In 2nd place: Kurokama SC-R by @ST1Letho, what a beautiful Japanese compact this one is. The King has decided that this car should get a tier 2 contract for as this’d be the perfect go-to car for younger buyers.
In 3rd place: This was a tough one HAM HC6 2.5 @abg7, the user who’s notoriously known among us for building smack-dab middle of the road stats cars in almost all cases, has built a car that managed to stay on par with the other 2 podium finishers in overall aspects
jk in all honesty this was a nice car This car will also get a tier 2 contract, like the Kurokama
Rest of the cars are placed as followed:
4th place: Knightwick Steed 1.8 DX by @mart1n2005
5th place: Armor Motors Viva Semyonovia by @GassTiresandOil
6th place: Decarlis D50 by @Arn38fr
7th place: AHB Porro E100M by @chichicoofisial
BOY THIS ROUND WAS FUN! I enjoyed hosting HHD8 and I only wish that I had enough time to accomplish what I had originally Planned. The reason why it took a bit longer than expected is because I wanted to match the literature style and excellency of the original HHD by @Crash77. Unfortunately, I have neither the talent nor the time to pull that off.
Hope whoever hosts the next round will however keep up with the literature or take it to the next level. Cheers y’all!
The best way to lose, by refusing to surrender company principles!
This is what I wrote in my spreadsheet doc :
It really really missed the mark just for the rather sporty trend of decisions
I’m guessing mine was the least powerful car in the end? I should have maybe bumped it up to a 2.0l model
I really liked that!
To be honest, the Porro would be quite old at that time, so I’m even impressed I wasn’t binned.
Anyways, congratulations to the podium and good luck to everyone in next rounds!
It was actually on par with the HAM right above you, and fast enough I’d say
Congratulations to all participants and especially to the winners. Nice work from everyone!
Unfortunately I finished mine in the deadline and due to that I ended up making a mistake in fuel injection …