Normandy - Tastefully Refined Genocide

I approve of your Rhode island reference, very relevant to my interests. :slight_smile: the café now… Carbs in the late 90’s just sounds wrong, especially with CAFE.

1 Like

In 1975, Normandy wanted a piece of Mexico’s automotive market and, as such, released a little diddy called the “Real”, which of course is Spanish for Royal. It’s a two-door, RWD econobox. The engine in the Real was a a 3.0L DOHC DCOE Tripple Carb, v6 producing 140 HP. With a 0 - 62 of 8.0 seconds and a top speed of 130. The 5-Speed was sold for $6k, and the 3-Speed auto for $7. The car sold it great numbers across Mexico. The kicker however, was that by opening the intake and exhaust headers and tweaking the compression, the power could be nearly doubled to an amazing 260 HP, which was a problem.

The Real developed quite a following in underground circles as being a drug-runner. The vehicle was sold, from the factory, with a fiber-glass body, double wishbone suspension, four wheel disc brakes and a limited-slip diff. The Real weighed a total of 2300 lbs, which was nearly half the weight of the standard Chevy Caprice police cars in service in the US at the time. With a little work, a 5.7L chevy small block could be wedged into the engine bay. So the Real was often used to outrun the police and run drugs into the US and back before they would be caught. The Real was quickly classified as contraband by the US government and any vehicles captured were quickly destroyed.


Due to unforeseen circumstances (Re: My ex and I breaking up) I will have to put Normandy on hold for, as far as I can tell, forever. She’s kicking me out with no money and nowhere to go. And so, I go to ford a new path into the unknown. It has been fun. This group of people has been a very bright star in an otherwise endless, pitch black, night. If and when I return I hope to see a lot of great progress to the game.

With best regards and a lot of love,
Shawn Dane AKA VosNox

Stay gold and catch you on the flip side.

I wish you all the best mate.

Cheers.

:c Sorry to hear that man. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

Well well… Here we are again.

Congratulations. You’ve just been laid-off. Well… Fired, technically, but you and I both know you’re going to type “Laid off” on your resume. So why are we here? Because you thought Insider Trading would be a good idea. Why did you think that? Because you’re the CEO of a multi-billion dollar automotive conglomerate, and as such, you think your shit smells wonderful. So guess what? There goes your job, your 401K, and your benefits, along With the loss of your job: that blond-bombshell of a wife of yours took her 26 year-old self and your three kids back to Jersey. Along with half of your cash, the house, and the dog. So now what? What do you do when life pulls the rug from under you? When your dreams are dashed upon the jagged rocks of reality?

You could drown your sorrows in 20-year old call girls and cheap scotch or, you could get the fuck up, comb your greasy hair, shave that shit off your face, and move on. You could limp your broken dreams and wounded ego down to Normandy and drive off in a brand new FireBird.

Unless otherwise specified, all versions come with Satellite Navigation, 10 Speaker premium sound system, WiFi and a 5 year comprehensive warranty.

ST: 4.0L Direct Injection 32V V8 Producing 400HP to a 6-Speed RWD Gearbox (Automatic Only).
17 MPG / 0 - 62: 5.0 / Top Speed: Electronically Limited to 150 MPH
Retails at $33K

GT: 4.5L Direct Injection 32V V8 Producing 450HP to a 6-speed RWD Gearbox (Manual and Automatic available).
15 MPG / 0 - 62: 4.2 / Top Speed: Electronically Limited to 155 MPH
Optional Sunroof, Cruise Control, Adjustable Suspension and Gearbox, and tow hitch.
Retails at $37K before add-ons

GTS: 5.0L Direct Injection 32V V8 Producing 500 HP to a 6-Speed RWD Gearbox (Manual and Automatic Available).
Everything Stated Above.
14 MPG / 0 - 62: 3.5 / Top Speed: Electronically Limited to 170 MPH
Retails at $40K before add-ons

GTR: 5.0L Direct Injection 32V V8 Producing 600 HP to a 6-Speed RWD Gearbox (Manual, Automatic, and Sequential Available).
14 MPG / 0 - 62: 3.5 / Top Speed: Electronically Limited to 185 MPH
Everything stated above plus: Optional AWD Package: Tighter Suspension, Optional Aero Kit, including a Wing and Front Lip.
Retails at $42K before add-ons

GTX: 5.0L Direct Injection 32V V8 Producing 600 HP to a 6-Speed RWD Gearbox (Manual, Automatic, and Sequential Available).
14 MPG / 0 - 62: 3.5 / Top Speed: Electronically Limited to 185 MPH
Everything stated above plus lightweight, carbon fiber frame, aluminum body, lighter weight internals
Retails at $55K before add-ons

NTX: Twin Turbo 5.0L DI 32V V8 @ 1111 HP to a 7-speed Sequential AWD Gearbox
13 MPG / 0 - 62: 2.5 / Top Speed: 220+ MPH
Carbon Fiber frame and Body, Aero Kit, Racing Suspension, racing tires, Carbon Fiber wheels, Carbon Ceramic Brakes
Retails at $150K.


I see you haven’t lost your great sense of style. Good to see you back.

Back in the 70’s, Normandy tried to crack into the Muscle Car market with the Kodiak; an unnecessarily large, v8 platypus that failed in every measurable way. Yet, while it was a technical failure in that it hadn’t reached predicted sales, it did find its way into the public consciousnesses all the same. The thing about Normandy’s vehicles is this … they may fail, and usually in a big way, but when they do, they tend to fail up. Their experimental vehicles tend to have a huge cult following. So, when the CEO turned up in the underground tournament, in a 50 year old shit box that he’d mutilated into something more … people took notice. People remembered the Kodiak. They remembered that their grand parents had one. They remembered it being on TV. Shortly after, the cult following erupted all over itself and demanded a modern version be made. As such, I present the 2016, Normandy Kodiak.

It comes in 4 variants. ST, GT, GTS, and XT. The GT and GTS versions come with Pushrod suspension, electric diffs and engines ranging from 5.5L to 6.0L respectively. You’ll get the options for a sunroof or convertible, 6-speed manual, or 7-speed automatic gearboxes.

The 5.5 gives you 500 HP and 400 Tq, while the GTS gives you 600 HP and 450 Tq.

The GTS also comes equipped with a big blue button on the center dash, just below the infotainment system, called “The 70’s Button”. When pressed, the pushrod suspension looses up, the brakes get softer, the power steering disengages, in fact, every bodily advancement automotive science has made just up and outs. So you get all that horse power, with absolutely zero control. Just as God intended.

The XT is the Race model. It comes with a carbon fibre chassis and skin, spolier and lip, and a 6.0L Twin turbo charged V8 producing 1000 HP and 750 Tq bolted to a 7-speed double clutch AWD flappy paddle gearbox. It has zero interior trim, one seat, no dashboard other than a what is necessary to hold the gauge cluster. This vehicle also comes with the 70’s button. Why? Because Normandy, that’s why.

Yes, the XT is street legal. No, you can’t buy one without a special permit from your local DOT.


In 1990 Normandy decided it wanted another crack at the Muscle market. But it didn’t have anything ready, except the Wolverine. So it took stock of the current offerings and discovered that Chevy and Ford were the only ones left in the game. And their offerings were slim, with Chevy offering hastily built hatchbacks and Ford, with a supped up cop car and a dying horse. With this intel, the boys in the basement were tasked with creating an American Muscle car. Now … Here’s where it gets tricky. You see, American’s are very picky about what they call a “muscle car”, after all, they invented it. Most muscle cars exist primarily in a “point-and-squirt” fashion, designed to perform in a very short, very straight line, and to hell with how fast you can round a corner. But Normandy doesn’t play that game. If we build a car, we build it right. So, how do you design a car that’s not made for a market, to sell in said market? By lying your happy fucking skull off.

The Wolverine was designed primarily for track day racing events. With its’ most expensive variant, the GTR, having lowered and tightened 4-wheel independent suspension, a Limited Slip Diff, 4-wheel vented Discs, and optional AWD. All of this, combined with its 5.7L V8 and a professional driver, let the Wolverine lap Nordschleife in 8 minutes dead. So how do you wrap this an American friendly package? You could disable the AWD, remove the LSD, and replace the suspension with something lighter and softer or… You could just take off the transfer box and leave everything else alone. And that’s what Normandy did. Add to that, a 2nd gear start system for the automatic version, some rave reviews from Car and Driver, and a few appearances in “buddy cop” movies, and you have a recipe for success.

As an aside, in a few of the “making of” documentaries that followed the production of the most famous movie “Second Son”, the Driver for the Wolverine said he had to “try really hard to look like he was driving like a jack ass, as the car wouldn’t let him do it on his own. It was too planted. To stable.”

So in short, Normandy took a track-bred monster, took off one part, and added a button and sold it as a completely different machine. The Wolverine took the throne as Normandys first success in the Muscle car market.


“Sir!” Your General shouts, scared shitless. “They’ve breached the perimeter. They’re nearing the compound!”

Well, Your Majesty, your reign of terror is ending. The revolution has begun and the freedom fighters have brought enough weapons and supplies to easily supplant you. As you sit at your desk, hearing the thunderous roar of artillery fire and the rapid cracks of automatic weapons fire, you hang your head in shame. At this point, you have exactly three options. Order your men to stand their ground. Sure, they’ll take out a few hundred revolutionaries before they fall, but they will fall. You could suck start that gold-plated Desert Eagle you keep at your hip, or could turn-tail and run. Personally, I recommend the third.

So, take your 4 most trusted men, a fuck load of munitions and cram them into your getaway car. “But what about all their jeeps and shit?” You’ll ask me nervously…

Introducing the Normandy Valentine. A 4-door Presidential Escape Vehicle. Including several advanced options for today’s Tyrant on the go.
The body is made of a blend advanced Carbon fiber layers, between which is filled with a high grade non-Newtonian fluid.
The glass is, of course, bullet proof.
The tires are made of our experimental, high tensile strength, airless polymer, with carbon fiber interweave.

All of this means, the Valentine can resist sustained small arms fire for nearly five minutes.

The interior is, of course, tastefully upholstered with stain resistant leather.
There are cubby holes everywhere for arms and ammunition.
Our state of the art GPS
And our premium 12 speaker sound system.

Lets not forget the engine. A 6.0L DOHC-48 V12 producing 750 HP, bolted to an AWD 7-speed automatic gearbox. 0 - 62 is achieved in 2.9 seconds, and onward to a top speed of 217 MPH. It even gets a decent 16 MPG.

All of this can be yours for a meer $650k.


:smiley: Really nice marketing speech! And the car’s not half bad either.

Over the past several years, Normandy has engaged in clandestine talks with one of its most prolific adversaries, Porsche. We asked if we could borrow the rights to the 1980’s body 911. They said “go fuck yourself”. We walked home, or collective heads hung low in shame. Then, we realized how profanely rich we were, and presented a counter offer. We waltzed, forklift in toe, and kicked the boardroom door open once again. We sat down, and dropped a money bag (with the cliche “$” symbol and all) on the ancient oak table, crushing it completely, and said “…And how about now”

After several seconds of slack-jawed German disbelief, they caved. And we skipped home with with the plans in hand. As such, I present the Shuriken.

In development for the past five years, it required the creation of a whole new subdivision of Normandy Automotive. “Spector Engineering”, which will act as our in house tuning company from this day forward.

So What do you do with the blueprints to an archaic machines body? You say “fuck it” and pimp the shit out of it. You rocket launcher open the door of your mad scientists, put them in touch with your new tuning group, bribe them with inhuman amounts of liquor, and send them off, like it’s their first day of school.

It comes in three trims.

GT: 3.0L ALSi 24V v6 producing 350 HP/ 0 - 62: 3.2 / TopSpeed: 174 & 25 MPG
GT - RS: 3.0L ALSi 24V Bi-Turbo V6 producing 500 HP/ 0 - 62: 3.0 / TS 189 & 23 MPG
Prices range from $150k to $165k depending on gearbox and creature comforts.

And the Race: With a 3.0 ALSi - Cast Iron 30V v6 producing 500 HP: 0 - 62 2.5 / TS 190 & 15 MPG
$180k

2 Likes

Also, I got my account unfucked! Yay!

4 Likes

Reading through this thread was a real trip and some amazing looking cars, glad to see some older members are coming back now! :slight_smile:

It’s been some time since last I posted something worthy of the Normandy Badge. So, I think it’s time.

May I present, Voron. Which, translated from Serbian, means “Raven”

It will be available from Normandy this December. It will ship with three trim options.

The Voron CVM: “Civilian Model” - Which ships with a 6L DOHC DI 32V Flatplane V8 @ 650 HP / 478 Ft-Lbs Torque → 7-Speed Double Clutch Sequential AWD Gearbox. It comes with Luxury Internals, Infotainment, and Advanced Safety. It weighs 4445.2 Lbs, but reaches 0 - 62: 3.2 Seconds, with a Top Speed of 213 MPH.

The Voron Track: Which ships with a 6L DOHC DI 32V Flatplane V8 @ 930 HP / 622 Ft-Lbs Torque → 7-Speed Double Clutch Sequential AWD Gearbox. It comes with exactly zero internals. It weighs 2628.6 Lbs, but reaches 0 - 62: 2.1 Seconds, with a Top Speed of 213 MPH.

The Voron Revolution: Which ships with a 8.6L DOHC DI 40V Flatplane Bi-Turbo V8 @ 3009 HP / 2077 Ft-Lbs Torque → 7-Speed Double Clutch Sequential RWD Gearbox. It comes with exactly zero internals. It weighs 3201.1 Lbs. If You equip bicycle tires, and allow the engine to go nuclear, this vehicle will reache 0 - 62: 4.4 Seconds, with a Top Speed of 464.4 MPH

2 Likes

Lol only you would try to sell a land speed record car :joy: not to be confused with Moron :joy: (P.s. that body will support Top speeds of 500km/h with adequate cooling no problem.)

3 Likes

I’m not selling an LSR car… I’m selling a car with the potential to go that fast, and a small, tastefully done, laminated instruction set on how one would go about achieving that speed, and, killing everyone within a four mile radius.

2 Likes

Dat photshop skilz!:open_mouth:

2 Likes