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Roulette Runner [FINAL RESULTS]


#Team Clockwork Orange

Car and team details

Pre-race checks went as planned, the tiny car had to have its rear seat partially folded to put all the cargo in. But this was the seventies, there was no split folding seats. Thankfully, they had realised the lack of boot space and hacked off the seat, so the car became a strict 3.5 seater. That meant all the supplies could be put in the car. Beer case, check. Crisps, check. Tent, check. Bog roll, check. Some other essentials, such as spirit and canned beans, check.

All good to go.


##Team Science Guys

Car, and Details.

The three young men sat around their campfire, Steve, the youngest, was the only one of the three who really had a tendency to camp for fun. He’d been the first to arrive, and spent the day fishing and hiking. Tired out by this point, he laid on his back on the ground, staring up at the sky. Augustus and Nicholas both sat in folding chairs that they had brought with them. Nicholas seemed to be in his own world, with a computer on his lap, and his smart phone in hand, looking back and fourth, doing something with the both of them simultaneously.

Steve noticed, and looked over to him. “That Kinda defeats the whole purpose of camping y’know…” He said.

Nicholas didn’t even look back to him to snobbishly reply. “If Lewis and Clarke had technology, they would have used them as well.”

Agustus sat across from them, three empty cans of beer piled next to his chair, and one in his cupholder. He picked it up and took a sip… “At least tell me you’re being useful and not playing that dumb car making game again…” He grumbled, surprisingly sober for having downed so much alcohol.

“I am!” He said angrily, finally looking up from his technology setup in his lap. “Just looking over the journey, and the competiton…”

“Well, anything good?” Augustus asked, putting his beer back in the cupholder, he grunted as he got up and walked over to see Nicholas’ computer.

“Yeah… Two Sixteen year olds bought a van with alternator issues.” Nicholas scoffed.

Agustus winced at this… “ooh…” He said, long and drawn out. Knowing the pain that the duo would endure throughout the journey…

“Holy shit, it’s water damaged!” Nicholas burst out laughing. “They’re sixteen and they think they can handle a water damaged van! Haha!”

“Hey… Not like ours is much better.” Agustus looked over to the team’s car, parked a few yards away. The light blue in the front illuminated by the fire.

“Pff… It’ll do the best! Body on frame cars are invincible!” Steve Chimed in.

Nicholas laughed at this. “See?” He gestured to Steve.

“…Whatever…” Agustus rolled his eyes. “Anything else noteworthy on there?”

Nicholas took a deep breath, calming himself… “Something British… an Erin I think.”

“An Erin?” Augustus snatched the laptop… Causing Nicholas to yell in anger, but he ignored this… “…Holy shit… brought it all the way from England… I’d like to see that…”

“Well you’ll see it when it’s parked at the side of the road.” Nicholas reached back, stealing his laptop back.

“You laugh, but those things hold up better than you think. It’s certainly going to do better than any of those fucking vans…” He sighed and shook his head slightly, going back over to his chair. He grunted and sat back down. “Steve… You’re in charge on camping equipment, remember? Don’t make me remind you again.”

“I know… I know… Sheesh. Just be up early or else I’ll steal the tents while you’re in them…” He grumbled, getting up and going over to their tent, while the older two resumed sitting around the fire…


**Hobo team **

Thirsty for adventure they packed their new home with some canned food, canned dog food and of course plenty of that magical liquor to warm up their souls, and some weed … Hobo fitted the van with an old CD player radio bought in a scrap yard.

The sun was shining, all going well on the road, the van surprisingly doing good … And then a slap in the face! Yep Hobo fell asleep at the steering wheel, while Hobo girl still packed all the stuff… Until she slapped him again.

Hobo Hmm what?? I was just checking…er things!

Hobo girl Oh Yeah? I know what you were checking… Oh, you were checking “things” with this empty bottle of gin right? You homeless drunk piece of sh*t …yep let me do all the work… Don’t move a thing! And where’s that crappy piece of stinky dog?? Where the hell he is?? Go do something and find him… Dog found, all packed, ready to go!

On the way to the camping site the van seemed to be a bit down on power and noisy…

Maybe too much Gin on the back? Hmm i think the dog’s too fat, said Hobo.

Maybe too much Gin on your head! replied Hobo Girl.
Stop the van! Let me check it. I suspect something…

Open the hood!

Aha! Small crack in the exhaust manifold… JB Weld will do the trick!

They arrived at the camp. Gin, weed and some Delta Blues for company… The dog barked.


My speech is in italics
Evan’s is bold
Also, be prepared for a bit of a read. I originally planned for it to be like 600 words but it turned into a little novella lmao

#Team Yokai
A solitary cloud wafted by overhead, with its lonely patch of darkness dragging along behind it on the ground. Jumping off my rental bicycle and pulling my headphones out I walked ahead towards the faded yellow house. Around the house were rolling fields of luscious green grass parted in the middle by a meandering two-lane highway. It looked like it was in the middle of nowhere, but we were barely 2 kilometers from the main cluster of people huddled together in central Brunswick Island. Coming to a stop I waited from the crunching gravel sounds behind me to get nearer.
You ready?
Why wouldn’t I be?
Evan reached up and pressed the worn out door bell. A few moments passed and the battered door flew open to an enthusiastic elderly man. With silver hair and a stubbly chin, he reached out to give me and Evan a firm handshake each.
“How are ya, boys?” he boomed, with a hint of an Australian accent. He simply radiated positivity even with those sleepy eyes. “I take it you’re here for the car?”
Oh yeah, Jordan, we flew in here all the way from New Jersey
It’s the first real car we’re going to own by ourselves, so you can’t blame us, can you? Evan chuckled.
“Oh, I can imagine your excitement. Well, come on, let me show you around the car.”
“1990 Kimura Arctos. If this doesn’t define sleeper then I don’t know what does. So what’s in front of you is the slightly higher spec base model. It’s got a meaty V6 in the front driving all four wheels and a bunch of space inside. It made well over 180hp back in the day…” he paused, “but knowing Kimura reliability I’ll be surprised if it’s fallen below 150 today.”
Pacific Coast Aqua. Nice paint. It’s a bit faded but if anything that only makes it more sleeper.
“It really is. Sad to have to let it go, but now all me kids have moved out so it doesn’t make sense for me to keep it anymore. Wife got a nice convertible so it’s got to go. Ahh, I’m not young anymore so I just want to take it easy and in comfort. Well, either way, I’ve already got your payment so take a look around the car or step inside for a moment and I’ll find the keys for ya.” he said watching us inspect the car from different angles.
If you don’t mind, can we just take a few minutes to fix the flooded ECU you mentioned?
“Do what you like, boys, it’s your car now!” he gave us a thump on our backs and went back inside.

I gave the bicycle one last push and then reached up to shut the trunk.
All loaded up, Evan, let’s get going.
We looked at each other. This was it. The moment that decided whether we would make it to the campsite or not. He turned the key and both of us held our breath for a second. The engine struggled a little and fought its way to live. Feeling the reassuring vibrations coming from the front of the car, Evan cautiously tapped the accelerator pedal.
Eugh. The exhaust doesn’t sound like… it even exists.
I don’t hear any rattles or squeaks though and nothing’s leaked yet. Guess the best way to find out if we’ll make it is to hit the road. At least that ECU thing is sorted for now.

The fruity sound of the V6 bounded off the grey concrete walls of the tunnel. The LEDs running along the roof flew past in a blur as the van - our van - sped down the asphalt carved between the hills of Brunswick Island. Flooding the van with light as we flew out of the tunnel, the sun’s orange rays cut in at a slant angle through the windshield from slightly to the left. Shifting up to 5th gear, we wound down the windows and with our sunglasses on, me and Evan were enjoying the warm summer breeze slipping past us, enveloping us.
Hey, pull over will you Evan? We’re over halfway back to the city center, are you going to let me have a go or what? I said with a smile playing across my face. 16 years old and on an adventure with great people, great music (well that’s what Evan was playing at the time and it seemed like he was enjoying it. I’m not a fan), great weather… could it get any better than this? I was in the driver’s seat now, and to my side was Evan laid back in the reclined seat. As the next tunnel approached I pressed down the clutch and tugged on the gear lever. Gunning the engine, the revs rose and the roar of the engine swelled as the void engulfed us. I grinned. I knew this was going to be a good time even if we had issues. That’s all part of the fun, after all, isn’t it?

So we have a day’s break here at Granite Ascent announced Evan. Continuing, he said, So, uh, grab as many supplies as possible.
Yeah, besides we don’t need those rear seats anyway so we can just keep them permanently folded down and put everything else on them.
Drop me off at this place here and drive on to the workshop. I’ll get some chow for now and meet you there.
Have I told you that your rhymes make me want to kill myself? I teased.
He grinned and got out of the car.

Right, so, here we are. What’s our first task? I shouted to Evan from inside the workshop over the glorious Norwegian Death Metal playing in the background.
First turn down that fucking Satan worship and listen. I laughed and turned to the stereo.
Alright. So the cats are shot. There’s some 3-inch stainless steel piping somewhere, just go weld that to some point in the exhaust.
You call me Satanic but you shoot cats? I jovially quipped with mock horror. No response. Barely able to suppress my laughter I said, Okay, okay I’ll go grab the van by the pussy. Evan groaned and swore under his breath. This was going to be good.

What are you even doing?
Expressing my inner love for IKEA, I replied. Want to see? Sliding the door open, I gestured what I had made on the inside. Two sleeping bags are stretched out over the folded down rear seats but the cool stuff is above that. Attached to the roof is one big MDF box with many little divisions, cubbyholes to put stuff, like parts, tools, food, clothes - all that shit.
Evan gaped at me like I was some demented primate with only half a brain and a face like a slapped ass. Catching himself, he spun 180 degrees and walked into the workshop like he’d never seen it.
Fuck it. Come in here. He was leaning on the lift and looking at the whiteboard. Quickly scanning down the list, it appeared to be me like we’d done almost everything. I resisted the urge to take a quick jab at his appalling handwriting.
I’ll leave you to have your nerdgasm, then, Evan. I joked as he moved from the board to go pick up his laptop.
You thought I would do the electrics? No way. I’m calling in a friend. Mike. We’ll throw a conservative street tune on it. It’s already got the ECU in it, the filters are changed, ummm, new fluids, alternator replaced, and most of the plugs at the end of the loom looked dead for some reason. That was a quick chop and solder job since I got a working loom off a junker. And a quick disassembly and WD40 for the trunk’s latch.
Just don’t break it.

The soft whoosh of the wind from outside swept inside through the window slightly ajar, blowing a weak gust. It’s a good thing we have some experience in this between us. We might just be 16. We might be underdogs. But we can do shit. I turned over. Night, Evan.

Fire. Food. Gasoline. Opening the door and stepping out the strong odors immediately stuck.
Give me a moment to stretch, and I’ll join. We’ve been sitting here for like 6 hours.
Evan shrugged and simply walked on ahead. A moment later I traced his footsteps. Sparks flew up from the crackling campfire, the red glow illuminated the surrounding trees. The fireflies buzzed in the humid summer night air. Laughter. I caught up with Evan and stopped just behind him, in front of the ring of people around that fire. They turned around, those lit up faces, to see who these newcomers were.

We had reached.

Team Yokai made it to Walker River valley.


#Team Electric Space Wizards
Team and Car details

And so our heroes, and their Seishido, managed to arrive at the Walker River Campground.
The first thing they did was take a close look at all the other teams’s cars, and found several interesting things… which were later discussed with the other members.

“Guess what? We and another team are the only ones running a pickup truck!” Lynn said, while throwing out an old pizza box she found under the passenger seat.

Aiden had to dodge the years old greasy cardboard, before replying to her. “I guess the other teams chose a more creative approach…”

“Like the two guys that brung a Kimura Arctos?” Joseph asked, seemingly popping out of nowhere, as he was binge watching a TV show for the last 3 hours or so.

“Or that Eyre-North Parklands, which i thought was impossible to get for $500” Connor chimed in. “I’ve heard it has something like 700k miles on it, though…”

Suddenly the team’s attention was diverted by what seemed like very loud music being played by a few cars.

“Of course someone does this!” Lynn shouted, visibly irritated. She grabbed something in the Grandcab’s glovebox, which appeared to be a pair of headphones. (They proved to be ineffective)

Aiden kept trying to find out why the passenger side front window didn’t want to roll down, unfazed by the music.

“So did we remember to bring our tents?” Joseph asked. “I hope it didn’t share the same fate as the bags of chips, that we kinda left on the side of the road.”

“Yeah, i definitely don’t want to sleep on concrete tonight” Connor replied, while unpacking some cooking equipment.

“No one knows where the chips are right now, but they will have their revenge” Lynn wrote on her notebook, that usually contains random thoughts, from moments of extreme boredom. She was staring at the evening sky, trying to avoid thinking about the Grandcab wrapped around a tree, or on fire, or both at the same time.

“I did it!” Aiden exclaimed in joy, as he managed to repair the window, after what felt like an eternity. “I knew this damned window could be fixed! Now, i need a beer.”

“This will be quite the adventure, am i right?”


Team DSD

The next morning
There is a large amount of tension in the air as the tent is packed up in the morning

Romeo: Just admit it ok, I don’t care anymore, I know you drank my 6 pack of Budweiser!

DS5: I TOLD YOU I DIDN’T. Why would I, I have a few liters of American moonshine for myself I don’t need your disgusting beer.

Romeo: Well who else would have drank them!?


Romeo: Fine but I will be watching you “MATE”

DS5: Wateva go start the car will you.

Romeo walks over to the ute jumps in the drivers seat and turns the key......
The ute refuses to turn over for 20-30 seconds before a large bang.


Romeo: I didn’t do anything I am in the car!?

DS5: argh I got hit by something in the eye I’m bloody bleeding.

Romeo checks under the car.

Romeo: Oh FFS someone has been clever and welded a plug into the exhaust tip and the exhaust has exploded…Real funny

DS5: that hurt! that was a brand new exhaust

Romeo:yeah well now we have a straight thru system the rear muffler has a 8 inch hole in it!! Your lucky it didn’t take your head off.

DS5: Baise-moi latéralement!!! When I find out who thought this was funny I am going to turn them into a human pillow! Why does shrapnel attract to me like I am magnetic

Romeo: hmmm this might explain where my beer went as well… someone is fucking with us… I better take a look at you head friend looks like you may need stitches.

DS5: right well hurry up and patch me up then lets finish packing up and get to the start of the event, I want to go talk to Luke and the Storm auto team and see what [he/she/it?] has been up to since Detroit. Plus the Cunning Stunts team has Steph Smith the stunt woman, I’ve had a crush on her for years I am going to go introduce myself…pity she’s married that bloke.

DS5 has to have 8 stitches around his right eye (no doctors here just Romeo and a needle and thread) and the bandage ends up covering half of his head and face. After packing up the Frenchman and the Aussie line up at the starting area, with Luke from storm using his robotic scanner to check over DS5 wounds.

out of character. I am having a blonde moment how do I link my post again?


Driver’s Meeting, Day 1, 730am

Good morning, Runners! I see some of you are a little more ready for the day than others, at least from a sleep and/or caffeination standpoint. Others… well… chuckles

In any case, here’s your set of GPS waypoints for today. You’ll notice a few numbers next to each grade. They are, in order: average grade, maximum grade, and approximate leg length. For the sake of your machines, try to make the drive as short as possible. There may be more than one way to get there, but some are slower, longer, or more torturous that others. Or maybe the shorter route is worse. cackles

We’ll be sending out cars on a three minute interval. Your target time for the day is printed at the bottom of the sheet. Try to come as close to that and you’ll be in good shape for tomorrow. If you break down, if you have to throw in the towel… call Sid and Dave on your FRS. They’ll come get you and your ride. If they do, you’re done for the event. No fixing up your rig and rejoining later.

We’ve drawn the a random start order. First up, the Suzume Kaminari. Good luck to you all!

Day 1 Leg 1 Data

Walker River Campground to Blackjack Pass via Blackjack Creek Road

Departing from the driver’s meeting at Walker River Campground, a short 5-mile drive over good pavement before the course departs onto Blackjack Creek Road. This road climbs steadily, with some sharp turns and steep sections. Minimal hazards; this is a well maintained dirt-and-gravel service road. Large parking lot at Blackjack Pass, a relatively popular hiking trailhead.

Length 24; Avg Grade 4; Max Grade 16

Suzume Kaminari -
LAE - Medium (fast); MRL: +2; Notes: None

LAE - High (slow); MRL: +2; Notes: Valve body leak seems to be exacerbated by long grades. A little fluid was added at Blackjack Pass just to be sure.

LAE - Exact; MRL: +3; Notes: None

LAE - Medium (fast); MRL: +2; Notes: None

LAE - High (slow); MRL +2; Notes: The back end of the van was REALLY noisy going up the steep grade. There was also a bit of a vibration. You were unable to isolate it.

LAE - Medium (fast); MRL +2; Notes: None

LAE - Medium (fast); MRL +2; Notes: Defininte trans slippage on steep grades.

LAE - Low (slow); MRL +1; Notes: Navigator missed turnoff to Blackjack Creek Road, adding 5 miles to total leg length

LAE - Low (slow); MRL +1; Notes: Navigator made the same mistake as above. They saw the Erin pass them going the other way, and figured out they missed the turn, so they only added 3.5 miles to their leg.

LAE - Low (Fast); MRL +2; Notes: This team thought they were doing well until they passed the Platts Special Siskin and Bogliq Kitten, both of which left significantly earlier than them.

LAE - High (Fast); MRL +2; Notes: None

LAE - Medium (Slow); MRL +2; Notes: None

LAE - High (Slow); MRL +2; Notes: None

LAE - Low (Fast); MRL 0; Notes: Driver has been pushing the Enforcer to try to replicate the power loss issue. It happened ONCE under load on pavement in the morning, but didn’t happen again. As he was pushing, this team is significantly ahead of pace.

LAE - Low (Fast); MRL +1; Notes: Followed the Petoskey Enforcer on pace somewhat, until realizing how far ahead they were. Still, it was fun doing so.

LAE - Exact; MRL +3; Notes: “Uhm, is it supposed to be this bouncy?”

LAE - Low (Slow); MRL +1; Notes: A bit of holding back because there was a question as to whether the Quark would be any good off the paved roads. Didn’t scrape once going up Blackjack Creek Road, even on the steep section.

LAE - Medium (slow); MRL +2; Notes: Navigator sent the team down the wrong spur after the turnoff, adding 1.5 miles to the leg.

LAE - Medium (fast); MRL +2; Notes: Driver made the decision to go fast on a relatively easy stretch, due to the compound of their tires.

LAE - Medium (fast); MRL +2; Notes: Comparing times with the Maesima driver, they feel pretty confident.

@titleguy1 / @ramthecowy
LAE - High (slow); MRL +2; Notes: None

Team Greasy Lightning

“Can I get out now?” Fuzz whined.

Jen chuckled. She took extra time stretching in the front seat, slowly reaching for the door handle to extend her brother’s discomfort.

“Seriously, Jen. Not cool.”

“Don’t worry, you can navigate the next section,” she replied. “We take turns, remember?”

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not 6-4 and shoved in the back seat.”

“Maybe you should have picked something bigger from the field then,” she retorted with a laugh.

The three exited their Suzume to stretch and take the requisite team/car picture at the waypoint, the Blackjack Pass Trailhead. Rick heaved a sigh of relief.

“Made it. That was amazing.”

Fuzz bolted for the passenger seat and locked the door as soon as he slammed the dented portal shut. He stuck his tongue out at Jen, who shouted at him and kicked the door a few more times before giving up.

“Ugh,” she grumbled to Rick. “Why did you let him come along, again?”

“I had to promise or he wouldn’t take me to pick out a car. Also, I sometimes like watching you two torture each other. It’s funny for an only child.”

“Laugh when you’re sleeping on the couch at home.”

“Cold,” Rick smirked, knowing that it was a bluff. “Tell you what. You can drive the next section, I’ll take the back seat.”

“That’ll buy you a pillow for the couch. Keep it up and I might give you a blanket,” she grinned.


What does LAE and MRL mean?


(From earlier in this post)

LAE - Leg accuracy estimate - how confident your team is that you’re close to a “0” on that leg (remember, team that is closest to 0 for the entire event wins at the end)

MRL - Morale modifier. This can be a negative number (your people might be getting concerned or frustrated or fatigued), neutral, or positive (having a good time, feeling confident, overcoming a big obstacle)

Notes - Any notes I have about your particular team and their circumstances on that leg. You MAY see a picture of your car here with a big red “X” on it. You don’t want to see this… this means your car has suffered a critical failure. Time to call the tow truck and scrape the carcass off the road.



Team POD; Day 1.

After a drive via and to parking lot at Blackjack Pass. The Special Siskin full of people and equipment seems okay enough. The car was dirty, of course. But other than that it appears that this car have yet to decide to unleash it’s wrath. The driver have been the maniac Jimmy Monnet. And the team was way faster than it supposed to be.

“Oh my god, did we really made it?” Jimmy exclaims with excitement after he got out of the Special Siskin.
“We did, and waaaay faster than we supposed to.” Trevor replied “But the car is still in one piece.”
“But for how long. Do not tempt fate, mate.” Rory speak with a look of caution on his face. “The transmission’s slipping really badly. Maybe the next time you can nurse it a little?”
“Nurse it? You what, mate? You put turbocharger on this thing for me to nurse it? Are you joking?” Jimmy laughs. “Come to think of it, what’s the point of that anyway?”
“Fun?” Rory smirk with that answer.
“Do you want to swap place, Monnet?” Ivor asked Jimmy. Who replied with a shrug before he speak.
“If you want a go, sure. This thing actually doesn’t drive that badly either. Maybe what we’re doing is the most important step for the mankind… To go where no British car can go before.”
“Going for more than a 100 miles without breaking?”


Team DSD

just after finishing the first stage

DS5: wow that was fun, that exhaust is abit loud but, I don’t think Luke should have given me those painkillers I feel like I am floating above the ground…

Romeo:Lucky you… I must apologize again for taking us down that spur, I thought we would make up some time, now I’m not so sure.

DS5: at least you can see properly, this bandage isn’t making life easy. And having to stop and replace the supercharger belt twice will probably hurt our time.

Romeo; Ok so team cunning stunts had a good run, and our friends at storm finished abit late.
But we are looking good only 1.5 miles extra, pity we have no front fender flares left.

DS5: Yeah well they don’t matter. Haha look at the younger teams to fast hehe lesson in life boys take it slow…she’ll like it better heheheh

Romeo: You’re a strange man my friend, Vous êtes un homme étrange … haha ​​et un cyclope


Team Twin-Snail

Day 0 - Early

Day 1, 5:27 AM

Having been busy all night, between checking Darkshine5’s wounds and putting up with at least two teams and their louder-than-needed music, Luke grabbed his keys and prepared a little ‘wakeup ceremony’ for everyone there. As it had gone mostly quiet when most of the teams had gone to bed, some as little as four hours ago, Luke knew this was the time to act.

He placed the keys in the ignition, turned them to the start position, and waited, hearing the quiet whining of the inertia starter’s flywheel spooling up. “One thing Sinistra did right, this SureStart system is really good. ‘Starts the first time, every time, even when cold.’ Damn right it does when you slam 10 pounds of steel turning 10,000 RPM into the flywheel.” he said to himself quietly, watching the dashboard for the “Starter Speed” light to ignite.

The crimson glow of the light flared, and Luke released the key. To Luke, it felt like an eternity, but the instant Luke released the key, the starter solenoid kicked the fast-spinning flywheel into the V8’s own flywheel, immediately causing 662 cubic inches of twin-turbo V8 to roar to life.

Luke pumped the gas a few times, causing the car to rock as it snarled and roared, then hissed as the blow-off valves released the excess boost.

Within seconds, the Storm team was awake, with Amy Storm leading Linda Regale out of the big tent, and Scott Regale making a break for the porta-potty.

The roaring V8 woke the kids in the camper near team DSD, as well as echoed across the whole campsite. Rolling clouds of smoke poured from the exhausts as Luke let the Savage idle at last, turning 1100 RPM.

“I would just like to say, Luke, that is one hell of an alarm clock.” Amy said, folding the tent and stuffing it into the trunk. “And probably everyone else is going to be very annoyed by it. Not that I give a fuck after the music last night.”

Linda yawned and grabbed a few granola bars out of the glove compartment, then slumped into the back seat. “Well, 'least we somewhat knew it was coming.” she said, yawning again as she fumbled with the plastic wrapper.

Scott staggered out of the porta-potty, packed his tent up, and dumped it equally as unceremoniously into the trunk. “Wouldn’t go in there if I were any of you. I feel a lot better.” he mumbled, then climbed over the side of the car and fell into his designated seat.

“Better in the shit-box than in the back seat of our shitbox.” Luke said. Amy smirked and settled into the passenger’s seat, then passed a map back to Linda.

“Once you’re done eating my granola bars, please, feel free to plan a course for us.” Amy said.

“Needed something to eat.” Linda responded, though grabbed the map and started poking about at it.

Day 1, 7:30 AM

The driver’s meeting went about as well as expected. Luke switched on his internal GPS, as well as the store-bought model they’d stuck to the dashboard, Linda scribbled on the laminated maps with dry erase markers, Amy cleaned and organized the wrench kit under the seat, and Scott tried to keep awake and not snore through the meeting.

Day 1, 7:39 AM

Luke settled at the starting line, the snarling Sinistra chugging away, idling around 800 RPM with it in gear. He pulled it down into Low, choosing to shift the car on his own, over-riding the automatic in favor of not burning the tires off of the back of the car early on.

The flag was dropped, and Luke floored it, causing Amy, Linda, and Scott to yell as the car lunged forward, already screaming at the 4500 RPM redline. Luke grabbed the column shifter and stuffed it in Drive, giving the car some control back.

“Luke, you do know where you’re going, right?” Linda asked.

“Of course. This part’s the easy bit, it’s all pavement, gravel, maybe a little dirt. She’s a highway cruiser, I’ll just keep her all wound out and she’ll make it.” Luke said, the engine roaring as they started the climb.

Scott gave a grunt as he felt the whole car lurch from the downshift from Drive to Third, the transmission doing what it did best. “Old Man Sinistra could’ve at least had the courtesy to make this GearMaster Performax shift smoother than that.” he said.

“It’s doing fine. Keep in mind, late 70’s, this was the closest thing you could buy to an emissions-legal muscle car. Didn’t sell real well because of the terrible gas mileage right after we had that whole gas shortage thing.” Linda said. “So the rough shifts, they’re because the car’s trying to keep in the power. There’s very little in the way of computer control in this thing, she’s all mechanical. Fuel injection, hydraulic-valve-body transmission, the only thing computer controlled is the damn starter.”

“Not even that. Magnets in the flywheel plus a couple coils. Basic magneto, except all it’s doing is making a light on the dash glow when the starter’s at full speed.” Scott said. “Very simple engineering, not a computer in this thing, short of the one that’s driving.”

“Did I remember to put an ejector seat in here?” Luke said, causing Amy and Linda to laugh.

They followed the service road up to the parking lot at Blackjack Pass, where they pulled the car into one of the many available parking spots. Well, technically, they managed to block 8 of them with the huge sedan and Luke’s intentionally shoddy parking job.

Day 1, Leg 1 Aftermath

“Now, that’s what I call fun!” Scott said, climbing over the side of the car and wandering a little way away from the car. Despite the distance, the rest of team Twin-Snail still heard the fart.

Luke opened the door and pulled the hood release as Amy and Linda got out and started grabbing supplies.

“Looks like we’re okay. Top the fluids up and we’ll be fine. She’ll need about a quarter-quart of motor oil because she smoked the whole way up the road, but otherwise, she’s doing fine.” Luke said, checking the dip-sticks for the engine oil and transmission fluid.

Scott slowly made his way over to them, then asked Luke, “So, how’s the voltage regulator holding up?”

“Seems okay. With the car running, battery charging, and lights on, the regulator’s at…” Luke reached up and touched the heatsink, reading the temperature, “… Looks like 82 degrees Celsius.”

“And in real numbers?”

“355 Kelvin, roughly.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Oh, you want that scale that’s only really good for air temperature. Then it’s 179.6 degrees Fahrenheit. So don’t touch it or you’ll lose a finger.” Luke said, before closing the hood.

“So now what?”

“We wait, we plan, we defend. And we wish ill on the other teams.” Amy said, before handing Scott a plastic bag full of beef jerky. “And we enjoy a snack or two while the results roll in.”

“Wait, that’s mine!” Linda shouted.

“You ate my granola bars. Didn’t you think there’d be revenge at some point?” Amy yelled back.

“Ah, the sounds of chaos. Dunno about the three of you, but I’ve got some supplies in the car.” Luke said, before opening the center console and grabbing several items.

First, he put the 8-track to Cassette adapter into the Sinistra’s old 8-track player. Then he dropped in a cassette to 3.5mm audio adapter, and finally, plugged in a cheap MP3 player. He turned on the radio, then decided the appropriate song for the end of the first stage would be Iron Maiden’s Aces High. Played obnoxiously loudly, of course.

“Really, Luke? Now you’re being the jerk with the loud radio?” Amy asked.

“Well, it just seems appropriate given…”

“Hey, I like this song, so it’s not that bad.” Scott said, interrupting Luke.

“…that we got kept up extra late. No point in fighting a war of noise when our radio isn’t that great.” Luke finished, before checking supplies and attempting, unsuccessfully, to unstick the top cover so they could get the top back up.

“And that’s still jammed, so the top stays down.” Luke said, after having bent a cheap screwdriver while trying to use it as a pry bar.


Boy, I really like your writing (style)! :blush:


Well, I used to like creative writing, so… it comes naturally to me. I suppose, in a way, it makes up for my lack of ability with art.


Competition wrap up: Day One

After leaving Pierre’s house, where our l’il Kitten was stored, we headed out to Walker River valley, where the start of the rally is located. On the way I couldn’t help but be impressed at how much camping gear, spare parts and tools the Kitten was able to swallow. Pierre and I shared driving duties and, other than outright speed, the Kitten impressed us with it’s driving prowess. Gasmean’s don’t tend to “get” small cars like this, so we copped a lot of weird looks an mocking smiles whenever we pulled over for “gas” as the Gasmean’s like to call it…

On arrival at Walker River valley, we set up our campsite and got ready to sleep, after a simple meal of tinned ham and canned corn (yup, we’re livin’ the dream… NOT!). Pierre likes to sleep in so the rowdy parties had him grumbling into his pillow, but we were able to get a good eight hours of kinda cramped sleep…

The whole camp was woken up on raceday by an obnoxiously loud V8 roaring it’s defiance at obsolescence, the owner taking revenge on the party-goers of last night. I figured I’d had enough sleep and a drowsy Andrew agreed with me so we got up, answered the call of nature and broke camp. After eating a breakfast of baked beans, cold re-fried spam and toast, Andrew and I roshambo’d for day 1 driving duties. Needless to say, I won so I fired up the Kitten and moved us into the starting area. Andrew takes the GPS information and enters them into the Satnav and we await our turn to leave…

And we’re off! Well, that’s what I’d like to say but Pierre drives worse than my grandma! We follow the course, which is mercifully not that rough being tarmac and properly graded gravel, but I swear that Pierre is driving with the handbrake on. About halfay through, where the pavement turns to gravel, a HUGE black van screams by which confirms all my suspicions; Pierre drives SLOW! Sure enough, after the van passes Pierre looks over me with a sheepish grin then picks up the pace. We arrived at Blackjack pass without further incident and I instructed Pierre to find a good parking spot, out of the sun…

Well, that could have gone better! I had a plan at the beginning of the leg to stick to an average speed, since I’d mentally calculated how fast I’d have to go, but I must have dropped a digit because we were clearly not on the pace. At the turn-off to the gravel section a big black van nearly blew us off the road, I swear it had bullet holes in it’s flanks, and I then realised I’d miscalculated. I then put the pedal to the metal and we made up for lost time, arriving in one piece. As Andrew went to stretch his legs, I checked under the bonnet; all was well! Feeling chuffed at our luck so far, Andrew and I sat next to the car and waited for whatever came next…


Day 1.1

Car: No damage to report

Crew: Feeling chuffed (whatever THAT means!) MRL +2


#Team ‘Southend Or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post

“Good job boys” chuffed James, stepping out of the car and closing the door, “We did well today”
“Well, apart from your mistake” quipped Seb, and he and Martin started laughing, again.
" 'Fuck up you guys, I didn’t see the sign" said James, trying to resolve the situation, which only produced more laughter from the other two.
“It’s OK James” said Martin in a mocking tone, as he opened the boot to get some tools out, “we all mistakes”
“Hey!” James was getting angry now, and the laughing was getting louder. He pointed at Seb. “You’re the navigator, geography nerd”
Seb pretented to be taken aback by that “Oooh I’m so hurt!” he cooed, before snapping back into seriousness “You should’ve listened to my directions, you tool!”
James paused for a moment, trying to find a come-back. He didn’t.

“What are you doing Martin?” asked Seb, as he turned around to admire the view.
“Just gonna put that skid plate back in place” replied Martin as he open the tool box and dived under the car “Sorry, I meant to say” - he yanked something, then yanked again - “get this thing off” and he pulled out a chunk of scratched plastic.
Seb looked a little concerened. “Erm” he said “Should we be taking bits off the car?”
“It’s fine” said Martin, confidently. “These nineties Erins had a lot of useless plastic on them, this was to cover the front skidplate. Like what even is the point of that?”. He tossed the ruined plastic into the back of the car. “Just heard it scraping about today, so”

So far then, all was going well. The car was driving fine - for now - the navigation issues had been sorted and they’d barely broken into their two crates of < insert cheap beer brand here >. Oh, and the views were pretty decent too.


Team Hobo

Day one

Hobo OK! Let’s rock this joint…

They finished the joint, sipped some gin, and started the engine.

No problem in the tarmac, but when the van hits the trail, the crappy CD player was replaced by the tilting of the gin bottles in the back of the van. Oh boy, the biblical noise it was making!!! The hobo dog spent all the way howling to that bottle symphony …

Aarghhh shut the f@ck up you full of fleas stinky dog !!! Cried Hobo…

Slowly reaching at the top, it was time to cool down the engine. All that weight wasn’t helping, and the engine temperature gauge was starting to show his concern about that on the way…

Another sip of gin… The dog fell asleep.


Also, fart jokes never get old. :smiley:


yes they do, my grandad is 83 :wink:


why am I laughing so much