The 1966 Great Archanian Trek

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Stage 1: Archania – Fazo

Sector 3 and 4:

Sector 3 - Black Sands Lake - Al Mina Oasis

Going down from the caldera, possibly even more dangerous than going up, we reach the Al Mina hills. The checkpoint is set up at the Oasis in the center.

Sector 4 - Al Mina Oasis - Al Mina Oasis

A short trial rally stage cut out over the hills looping back to the Oasis.

The downhill is quite bumpy and the first car to run into issues is the TSR Ultra of the Katana Racing Team. The car simply does not look designed to take on this terrain, despite its straight line speed. The bumps have spun it wildly out of control, and I fear that some suspension issues. That other spaceship, as Konrad Called them, the Keika sees the opportunity to pass and gain some advantage. Both cars are solidly into the top ten for now.

Allisteer, RM Skylight is not starting at ze Lake checkpoint!

Information from Konrad there, the RM Skylight was one of the three cars damaged in the sector one pile-up. Seems like we might have a car out, unless they manage to fix the issue after all. This will be some nervous hours for the Rapido Motors Factory Team.

Meanwhile I see the FAAL Mesaia taking a tumble, or is it rather a barrel role in the air. The Alsatian non-brothers were driving too fast downhill. Amazingly, the car simply lands back on its wheels and they can continue undamaged!

Smoke from the Epoch! Zey slow down briefly. It stops and zey continue.

Probably they just lit the mansion’s fireplace, Konrad. The Pengting Torra was right behind though and had to evade the Epoch, causing the Pengting to lose control and get stuck in a crevice. I don’t think that was on purpose from Team Epoch, but both cars were also involved in the sector 1 pile-up.

I see the Bramble Flint and the Ponni Weekend both parked up next to each other there. Robert Chamberlain of Bramble is checking the engine for issues and Volponi and Lombardo are changing two tires on the Ponni. They will both be able to continue soon.

Bruce's Loose Nut Jar haben some of the ze loose nuts. This is not looking zo gud.

Ferreira Family Crashing Team are having some serious issues there indeed. Father and son are lying on the ground looking at the underside of the car. This might have had something to do with that loud bang we heard from their car earlier on. Something must have snapped eventually. Let’s see if it can be fixed. Flat tire as well for the Keika, within view of the Al Mina Oasis. At least it will have a new tire for the rally stage.

Top 10 before the rally stage around Al Mina Oasis:

ACA RoadCruiser 440 PI SO
Ardent Chesapeake GT Rally
Bramble Flint Chert
Caliban Thunder ‘Scafell’
Keika I Safari
KMC Avventurer
Puttzalong Inglese Rally
Sinistra Savage Concept
SOCAUT Pyrénées V8
TSR Ultra Rally Safari Edition

The rally stage then:

Short, but bumpy and with blind corners, this is bound to cause some issues. The TSR Ultra is having serious issues with the bumps again, and yet again skids out of control. The hardest hit though seems to be for the Ardent, which lacks the agility for this stage and bumps hard into a rock. That sounded really bad. After a while they can continue though.

The LSV Buccaneer and the Franklin Rhino both went out at the same corner (though not at the same time), slicing up their front left wheel on a sharp rock. The BM Feather took a jump with too much speed and austin powersed itself stuck between two large boulders. All are going to take a while to get moving again.

Ze stage is wery short, but zis ist serious!

That it is, Konrad, and the most serious issues were for the Deer And Hunt. Team OneShot was suffering from suspension problem visibly since that earlier skid of the mountainside. These bumps are deadly and the state of that car is not looking good… If they manage to repair this issue, it will be close to the maximum allowed time for the stage…

Ze Cossack is on two wheels!

The old Cossack apparently had some steering issues, causing it to miss a corner, pushing it dangerously on its side, even at their low speed. Luckily the sturdy brick – even with technical issues – is easy to drive on this terrain. There will have to be some repairs though.

There’s also good news, the Sakura Empress, despite its issue in the very first corner of the TREK is moving up the field, aided by breakdowns of the IP Brigadeer and the Bramble Flint, both of those might be linked to the earlier issues both cars encountered.

Top ten before the last sector:

Mein gott, ze changes are sehr significant!

ACA RoadCruiser 440 PI SO
Caliban Thunder ‘Scafell’
FAAL Mesaia 152
Keika I Safari
KMC Avventurer
Ponni Weekend
Puttzalong Inglese Rally
Sakura Empress S (E10) Baja Custom
Sinistra Savage Concept
SOCAUT Pyrénées V8

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Chief: Oh no. The TSR’s out of control?
Cole: Yes. The suspension is not designed for the rally stage sir. We’re now not at the top 10 at the rally stage.
Chief: You better find the opportunity to go catch up to the top 10.
Cole: Yes sir.

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BAM.

Back on wheels again, amazingly. As it turns out, the huge roof rack of the Mesaia acted acted as a rollcage… Ant the spare tires they were keeping on the roof were cushion enough for the car not to bend and the windows not to break. Not a single damage has been suffered.
For a few painful seconds, none of the Müllers said anything, as the car continued driving like nothing happened, just taking it in…
…
Xavier: … Heh… Heeeeheheh… HeeeHEEEHEHEEHEEHEAHEAEHUAHEAUEHAUEH JEAN-MARTIN HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?! GET THE SCHNAPPS OUT! OOOOOOOH JESUS GOTT IM HIMMEL WE’RE ALIVE! EVERY ARSCHLOCH IS GETTING STUCK AND WE ROLLED OVER AND WE’RE STILL RUNNING GOTT VERDAMMI!
Jean-Martin: … I pooped a little

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Team Tin of Anchovies

Day 1, Stage 1: Archania-Fazo.

Alec and Joshua are strapped in the car, creeping up to the starting line. Alec seems to have relaxed a little bit, now trying to focus on the driving that he was about to do instead of the broken antenna incident.

Alec: “Alright, this is going to be a bit of a warning, you might soil your pants now.”

Joshua laughed loudly.

Joshua: “Rack off mate, I’ve done stuff you’d piss your pants just by thinking about it.”

Alec: “I warned you, lad.”

Alec revved the engine, pressing the clutch, placing the four speed manual in first gear. Smirking, he dumped the clutch as soon as the official gave them the signal to start, and the Thunder’s inline 4 screamed to redline, leaving a trail of dust behind. As Alec approached the first turn, he steered in the opposite direction.

Joshua: “Mate, mate, MATE, WHY ARE YOU STEERING THE OPPOSITE WAY YOU CUNT?”

Alec then steered all the way to the opposite lock, finally countersteering with the biggest of his sarcastic grins. The Scafell drifted around the corner, the engine screaming as all four wheels tried to regain as much traction as they could from the loose surfaces.

Alec: “This is a Scandinavian flick and I do this for a living, so get accustomed!”

After the four first stints of the first stage, the Thunder stops at the waiting area as they wait for the last stint of the race to take place. Alec smirks, while Joshua seems to have a much paler skin tone compared to the quite tan skin he had at the beginning of the race. A race official approaches the car.

Official: “Good job so far, you’re in the top 10 as of last stage!”

Alec: “Did you hear that, Josh? We’re in top 10!”

Joshua: “Ace…mate…”

And off they went as soon as they were given the signal to line up for the fifth stint of stage 1…

TO BE CONTINUED.

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Team Savage

Arrival

Luke floored the Savage with grim determination at the line, leaving a surprising length of burnout stripes behind as the huge V8 struggled to put power to the ground. Mark grabbed the “Oh Shit” bar mounted to the dashboard, yelling at Luke but failing to be heard over the screaming V8. While other teams had complained about changing their comfortable seats for these Archanian bucket seats, Luke and Mark had agreed. After all, they were blessed by the King himself, and it was an act of good faith. Heck, they’d even had no problems removing the higher-quality radio before showing up to the event.

But it seemed that act of good faith existed mostly to allow Luke to get away with doing a burnout the entire length of the palace courtyard.

With the top down, Mark could see the two helicopters above, while Luke focused on squeezing their large barge through the twisty, turny road stage. They blew through the checkpoint at the end, and were rewarded with knowing they were in the top-ten.

Which only meant that during the Volcano Climb, Luke spared nothing with his brutal FWD muscle car, weaving and winding up the sharp rocks, clinging to grip with their military-surplus tires. He weaved the car expertly around a few more razor-sharp rocks, before bringing the rumbling beast through checkpoint #2.

“Told you it’d do fine, Mark. We’re in the top 10 again.” Luke said.

“I wish you’d drive like a normal rally driver. Instead, you drive like a madman.” Mark responded.

“A rally driver wouldn’t bring a front-wheel-drive to an offroad race. A madman would.”

As they headed down the volcano, Mark recognized the next stage as a trail-rally course. “Shit, Luke. That’s an actual rally stage, and it breaks rally cars. Thankfully, I’ve run on it once, so I can guide you through it.” Mark said.

“Then be my Co-Driver. Guide us to victory.” Luke said.

Luke went down the caldera with surprising speed and grace, and on top of that, they managed to not just make it back down the hill in one piece, but also managed to keep their top 10 spot. The big V8 seemed to be impressing Luke, and even Mark was warming up to the FWD rally car.

So, naturally, when they got to the Oasis Rally, Mark warned Luke, “This thing’s bumpier than any back-road you’ve driven on. Be prepared.” Luke nodded, though still threw their car into the corners with reckless abandon, and surprising precision, while Mark yelled instructions to Luke.

“Left 2, don’t cut!” Mark yelled, and Luke wrenched the wheel, applied a bit of parking brake, then pinned the gas pedal to the firewall, seeing the remains of several car parts where others had cut the corner. A shredded tire, several smashed bits of glass, a broken headlight bucket. “Right hairpin, straight over crest, hazard left, left 4 opens, don’t cut.” Mark said, having gotten out his old notes on the Oasis Trail Rally stage.

They flew through the checkpoint (literally) as Mark said, “Right 4, opens, over crest, don’t cut, over jump, to finish.” The Savage landed heavily, but the team was still surprised to find they made the top ten.

“Not bad for a front-wheel-drive.” Luke said, grinning at Mark. Even Mark seemed to relax a bit. The interior of the Savage was covered in road debris and gravel and dirt and rocks, mostly because they were giving a further show of good faith, as the seats had been ‘blessed’ so that no contestants would die in this. So, they were running with the top down.

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Stage 1: Archania – Fazo

Sector 5 and finish:

Sector 5 - Al Mina Oasis – Fazo

Leaving the hills, we enter the rock desert that stretches out for many miles. This part is still rather undulating and large boulders make crossing the area difficult. The end point of this stage is Fazo, a smaller city where the night camp has been built up and food and provisions will be provided by the organisation.

The last part of the suffering is underway and the leaders will be arriving while repairs are still being done before the last checkpoint. A lot can go wrong on this last stretch though.

Ze beginning and ze end are not for ze Empress.

There’s a first dream of a top ten finish shattered, as the Sakura Empress breaks down, judging by the reaction of David Mathews this is serious, we’ll have to see if they manage to fix it. They are joined by Keika Automotive and Ecurie Crowley in spending the last 50km nail-biting about repairs. The Keika I Safari and the JHW Sparrow seem to have major technical issues.

It is ze pity to see those contenders out for this stage's podium places.

The Puttzalong and the Buccaneer also had to stop for some repairs. The PRTF car was quick again on the road, defending its position. The Buccaneer needed some more time.

The TSR slows down as well. The engine is gone… This one might be out as well. Cole Mendez gets out and kicks the car. He gets in again and it starts… Katana Racing Team not losing time there after all.

The undulating terrain also caught a few cars of guard, with skids and bumps and some minor repairs for the Ligrani La Follia and the Epoch. Apart from some minor damage and lost time, nothing too bad here. Remarkable are the Bogliq and Franklin Rhino, both of which are taking simply the straightest route possible and look like capsizing or getting stuck at any given moment, but they always manage to come out well.

Ve are nearing ze end! This is zo exciting!

We are truly on the final stretch towards Fazo now and…

Allisteer, thick smoke  moving at 8 o' clock.

Thank you Konrad, over there now. It looks like the Ardent, the The Pride of Ohio. I know this car has no exhaust, but this seems a bit excessive?

Zey burn!

They are certainly slowing down, and oh tragedy… That is fire.

That is fire.

Bobby Morgan and George Kowalczyk are out and look safe, but that engine is dead. They are out. The Ardent is out… They don’t even need their radio to call for help, the PMI rescue crew only needs to follow the smoke signals here.

Zey look devestated...

Some issues nearby Fazo as well and the end of this difficult stage. The ACA RoadCruise from Team Cops and Robbers has run out of fuel, again. But their reserves seem also to have been depleted. It seems they’ll have to go scavenge some in the nearby village, it’s a 20 minute walk to there though. The Hurry Squad
had to refuel their Ligrani La Follia as well almost within sight of the finish line. Luckily they still had reserves, so the time lost here was limited.

Alright, then, ladies and gentlemen. I’ll see you for the second stage. It is now time to go over to John Walbeck at the finish line in Fazo, and hear what he has to say.

…

Pending.

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John Walbeck here, and what amazing results we have from these 5 sectors.

And the winner of Stage 1 is:

Summary

The Sinistra Savage Concept of Sinistra Performance Division, by Luke Sinistra and Mark Jasper, in 7 hours, 3 minutes and 4 seconds. This car looked like nearly getting off the road constantly but always managed to grasp on. It burns fuel faster than the inflation rate of this damn country. But somehow they managed to stay out of all trouble.

Then:

Summary

The SOCAUT Pyrénées V8, by Team Pyrénées, Jean-Claude Cassenave and André Lacassagne, the amateurs, managing in 7 hours, 19 minutes and 8 seconds.

Third:

Summary

KMC in the KMC Avventurer, Kevin Michaels and Herman Livingston coming third in 7 hours, 32 minutes and 37 seconds.

Some issues on the line here as well by the way, with the Bramble Flint running out of fuel meters before the line. Moore and Chamberlain pushed the car the remaining 6 or 7 meters, and then of course there was discussion on whether or not the time should count. In the end, it is was decided that it would.

Full results incoming once all teams have arrived. We are now at the 10 hour mark and 8 cars have not yet crossed the line.

Update: final results available.

Summary

Overall:

Position Car Team Status Driver Co-driver Stage 1 total time
1 Sinistra Savage Concept Sinistra Performance Division Professional Luke Sinistra Mark Jasper 07:03,04
2 SOCAUT Pyrénées V8 Team Pyrénées Amateur Jean-Claude Cassenave André Lacassagne 07:19,08
3 KMC Avventurer KMC Professional Kevin Michaels Herman Livingston 07:32,37
4 Caliban Thunder ‘Scafell’ Tin Of Anchovies Professional Alec Henry “Insane Josh” Joshua Morgan 07:37,32
5 FAAL Mesaia 152 Team Sechsmötörigewildsaü Amateur Xavier Müller Jean-Martin Müller 08:04,37
6 Ponni Weekend No Name 3 Amateur Bruno Volponi Enzo Lombardo 08:06,53
7 Puttzalong Inglese Rally PRTF (Puttzalong Rally Team Fruinia) Professional Giuseppe Contadino Arturo Greco 08:07,00
8 Franklin Rhino G&EHE1966 Harcourt-Entwhistle Amateur Capt George Harcourt-Entwhistle, REME Elizabeth Harcourt-Entwhistle 08:10,28
9 Bruce’s Loose Nut Jar Ferreira Family Crashing Team Amateur Bruce Ferreira Buster Ferreira 08:21,25
10 Bogliq GPDV TREK Car Team There and Back Again Amateur Stephen Nix Christopher Hind 08:26,57
11 Bramble Flint Chert Bramble Factory Professional William Moore Robert Chamberlain 08:28,26
12 TSR Ultra Rally Safari Edition Katana Racing Team Professional Cole Mendez Takumi Kakayama 08:47,22
13 ACA RoadCruiser 440 Police Interceptor Special Offroad Team Cops and Robbers Professional Blake Washington Alejandro Cervantes 08:50,27
14 Ninomiya Evron Coupe (Custom) Team Desert Stars Amateur Yuuki Akagi Haruto Aiba 08:53,50
15 Ligrani La Follia Hurry Squad Amateur Teodor Bajkiewicz Clive Stetbury 08:55,14
16 LSV Buccaneer - Halti Special LSVRT team Professional Make Viljami 09:13,50
17 Pengting Torra 273 NAAC (North Archanan Automobilist Club) Amateur Jehu “Tripod” Kickoman Sebastianos Kouho 09:19,27
18 Epoch M30 3.3 Trek Epoch Professional Yale Thomlinson Peter Kleinmann 09:22,14
19 Cossack TT2500 (modified) No Name 1 Amateur Menelaus Daisun Cardiel Megalos 09:37,22
20 IP Brigadeer 1900 DX2 4x4 IP Motorsports Professional Chandawang Sangwat Pawoon Khaodai 10:04,49
21 Keika I Safari Keika Automotive Professional Daniel Chase Jack Williams 10:09,27
22 BM Feather No Name 2 Amateur Unknown Unknown 10:27,50
23 Sakura Empress S (E10) Baja Custom Sakura-Mathews America Factory Team Professional David Mathews Emerton Mathews 11:10,50
24 Deer And Hunt Hawg GAT Team OneShot Professional James Parker Henry Carlson 11:11,17
25 Rapido Motors (RM) Skylight DS Rapido Motors Factory Team Professional Unknown Unknown 11:40,56
26 JHW Sparrow Panamerica Ecurie Crowley Professional Fred Jones Ken Crowley 11:53,49
27 Ardent Chesapeake GT Rally The Pride of Ohio Professional Bobby Morgan George Kowalczyk 20:11,34 / DNF

Amateur:

Position Car Team Status Driver Co-driver Stage 1 total time
1 SOCAUT Pyrénées V8 Team Pyrénées Amateur Jean-Claude Cassenave André Lacassagne 07:19,08
2 FAAL Mesaia 152 Team Sechsmötörigewildsaü Amateur Xavier Müller Jean-Martin Müller 08:04,37
3 Ponni Weekend No Name 3 Amateur Bruno Volponi Enzo Lombardo 08:06,53
4 Franklin Rhino G&EHE1966 Harcourt-Entwhistle Amateur Capt George Harcourt-Entwhistle, REME Elizabeth Harcourt-Entwhistle 08:10,28
5 Bruce’s Loose Nut Jar Ferreira Family Crashing Team Amateur Bruce Ferreira Buster Ferreira 08:21,25
6 Bogliq GPDV TREK Car Team There and Back Again Amateur Stephen Nix Christopher Hind 08:26,57
7 Ninomiya Evron Coupe (Custom) Team Desert Stars Amateur Yuuki Akagi Haruto Aiba 08:53,50
8 Ligrani La Follia Hurry Squad Amateur Teodor Bajkiewicz Clive Stetbury 08:55,14
9 Pengting Torra 273 NAAC (North Archanan Automobilist Club) Amateur Jehu “Tripod” Kickoman Sebastianos Kouho 09:19,27
10 Cossack TT2500 (modified) No Name 1 Amateur Menelaus Daisun Cardiel Megalos 09:37,22
11 BM Feather No Name 2 Amateur Unknown Unknown 10:27,50

Professional:

Position Car Team Status Driver Co-driver Stage 1 total time
1 Sinistra Savage Concept Sinistra Performance Division Professional Luke Sinistra Mark Jasper 07:03,04
2 KMC Avventurer KMC Professional Kevin Michaels Herman Livingston 07:32,37
3 Caliban Thunder ‘Scafell’ Tin Of Anchovies Professional Alec Henry “Insane Josh” Joshua Morgan 07:37,32
4 Puttzalong Inglese Rally PRTF (Puttzalong Rally Team Fruinia) Professional Giuseppe Contadino Arturo Greco 08:07,00
5 Bramble Flint Chert Bramble Factory Professional William Moore Robert Chamberlain 08:28,26
6 TSR Ultra Rally Safari Edition Katana Racing Team Professional Cole Mendez Takumi Kakayama 08:47,22
7 ACA RoadCruiser 440 Police Interceptor Special Offroad Team Cops and Robbers Professional Blake Washington Alejandro Cervantes 08:50,27
8 LSV Buccaneer - Halti Special LSVRT team Professional Make Viljami 09:13,50
9 Epoch M30 3.3 Trek Epoch Professional Yale Thomlinson Peter Kleinmann 09:22,14
10 IP Brigadeer 1900 DX2 4x4 IP Motorsports Professional Chandawang Sangwat Pawoon Khaodai 10:04,49
11 Keika I Safari Keika Automotive Professional Daniel Chase Jack Williams 10:09,27
12 Sakura Empress S (E10) Baja Custom Sakura-Mathews America Factory Team Professional David Mathews Emerton Mathews 11:10,50
13 Deer And Hunt Hawg GAT Team OneShot Professional James Parker Henry Carlson 11:11,17
14 Rapido Motors (RM) Skylight DS Rapido Motors Factory Team Professional Unknown Unknown 11:40,56
15 JHW Sparrow Panamerica Ecurie Crowley Professional Fred Jones Ken Crowley 11:53,49
16 Ardent Chesapeake GT Rally The Pride of Ohio Professional Bobby Morgan George Kowalczyk 20:11,34 / DNF
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So close! Just outside of the podium :sweat_smile:

(Loving this format of posting, gradually, so we never know what’s going to happen next. Makes RP more interesting :wink:)

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man, mechanical issues and accidents were a bastard to my lot, weren’t they?

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Team Savage

Stages 1-4

Luke floored it, their front-wheel-drive muscle car sailing across the sea of rocks, suspension soaking up the smaller bumps with reasonable ease. Mark kept his eyes open, watching for boulders and anything that looked like it would destroy the tires or the car as they roared across the bumps.

“Almost like sailing, isn’t it?” Mark asked, feeling the rocks rocking the car as they sped along.

“Wouldn’t know. Never had a boat.”

“Why not?”

“Boat is a foreign word for “Hole in the water that you throw money into” in my book. Much rather support a less expensive hobby, like racing cars.” Luke replied, grinning. “Still, we’re traveling quite well over this loose stuff.”

As they approached Fazo, Luke and Mark both seemed confused. After a few minutes, Luke sighed, then said, “Shit. We’ve made a wrong turn somewhere. There’s no one else here.”

Soon after, another car arrived, and shortly after that, another. Luke and Mark were still having an argument in the Savage regarding who’s fault it was that they made a wrong turn when the pair of them realized that it was an awful coincidence that all of these cars were ending up in the same city.

Mark checked his map, and for landmarks, then said, “No, we’re in Fazo. How the hell?! Our front-drive muscle car beat pure-bred four-by-four rally machines? Impossible.”

“I’d say it’s possible, just unlikely. We’ll have to wait for the results.” Luke said.

That night, Luke was looking over the results sheet, still trying to figure out how they managed it. “Probably simply had less to break. Or maybe our car’s just built tougher, although that’s doubtful. Could simply be that we had less care to keep our car in one piece, so we drove it aggressively.” he said to himself. “Still can’t believe we got first place in our muscle car.”

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IP MOTORSPORTS TEAM DAY 1
PAWOON: They sent us here with a brand new car, and it keeps breaking down more than all the others! Talk about shameful!
CHANDAWANG: Oh, please, can you stop with all your complaining now?
PAWOON: But get real now! Some of the other cars are older than my grandmother and our factory fresh 1966 model breaks down more than they do.
CHANDAWANG: Your grandmother is dead and so will those cars be before this race is over, believe me. I can accept that there is some tweaking left to do on the Hicam-engines, they are still quite new…
PAWOON: They aren’t even of IPs own construction! They were developed completely by Kingston motors and they were ready for release when Kingston went belly up! And what good have George Kingston ever done to our country? I doubt the canadians even want him back!
CHANDAWANG: George Kingston is a nut, but I am quite sure that his work have saved IP as a company. The Saturn engine won’t cut it in the future, and…
PAWOON: Give me a break! There is not even any real GEARS! They are relying on a freaking RUBBER BELT to drive the camshaft which is the heart of the engine! I can’t believe that IP even jumped on this overhead camshaft fad! I promise that in 10 years every manufacturer that did that stupid thing will regret it and go back to pushrods.
CHANDAWANG: Remember that when IP came out with their first car, most manufacturers still made flathead engines. IP did an OHV engine and that proved to be the concept for the future. The transition from pushrods to OHC will be as much of a revolution as when flatheads were replaced by OHVs.
PAWOON: Right! So the constantly breaking thing under the hood is…what? A pushrod Saturn engine?
CHANDAWANG: If we had the 1965 model with the Saturn engine, it would have been so slow that we would have barely made it form the start until now. We have finished the first section and that is something that can’t be said about all the…glorified lawn tractors here.
PAWOON: Yes, the Ardent, right. To be honest I think that is an even worse car, it’s almost if it was engineered by George Kingston himself…
Chandawang is quiet while trying not to giggle.
CHANDAWANG: There is still hope for us tomorrow. I promise you that if we finish the 1966 Trek last, I will eat my own sweaty socks for lunch.
PAWOON: I’ll gladly cook them. Do you prefer them natural or with chili and coconut milk?

To be continued…

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“Eh. Over ten hours. Damn.” Cardiel said, not realizing it was his Archanian quality watch that ran fast.

“We’ll do better next stage. We have the blessing of the king.”

“Praise the King.”

“Praise the King.”

“We could get something to eat, couldn’t we?”

“Indeed. He who starves the body, tortures his mind.”

The No Name 1 team was ready to set off again. The rest of the contestants were crossing the line. After a significant amount of time, may I add.

“Take this opportunity to study, Cardiel. These professionals, with twice the budget, were slower than us. That is the importance of an everyday prayer to the king.”

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Starting day one, William and Robert looked towards the competition. Both were eager to get going, although;
“Are they removing their radio?!”
“Yes”
“They’re mad.”
“Also yes”
At the start line, the two formed a plan for victory – go slow and avoid making any costly mistakes. This lasted all of three minutes, with the inaugral ‘who-can-make-the-biggest-noise-as-they-leave’ contest getting on the nerves of the two Yorkshiremen. “Alright Will, 5, 4, 3, 2, wait, 1, FLOOR IT!”
“That showed them!”
“Pardon?”
“What?”
“No hearing!” Gestured Robert to his ears, the Flint’s V12 giving the 47-year old’s hearing a serious hammering.
“WHAT?” Clearly, the V12 had also done a number on William, although it didn’t slow him down. They shot through the city and out into the desert, both internally preying that the Flint didn’t just beak apart. Luckily it held, and the two ran up and round the caldera like a mountain goat. On the way down though, the goat seemed to become lame. There was no shade on this side of the volcano, and with very few modifications to the cooling system, the inevitable happened.

“Soooooo, been here often?” The 22-year old driver of the Flint asked the Italians of the Ponni ‘next door’. Stopping next to the punctured Weekend proved a blessing in disguise – the Flint was low on fuel, and with a few trades, the tank was refilled again. While Will tried to further Anglo-Italian relations, Robert was fiddling with the Flint’s radiator, making sure no leaks had appeared. After the engine had cooled down, the two set off again, a bit more cautious until the shade returned. Another overheating problem, caused by the thermostat wire breaking, was fixed easily enough, and soon the finish line was in sight.

“No fuel” commented Robert, a fact made painfully obvious by the sudden cut out of the Watchmaker. Despite Will’s best efforts, the two stopped just a few metres before the line, and with the two finishing on their feet (well, Will did, Robert collapsed after pushing it through the gate), the Bramble had made it.

That night the two celebrated as the 11th placed car - although it was really for just arriving in one piece. Barring a few mishaps, they believed that, come tomorrow, a higher place was on the cards. The car hadn’t suffered too badly throughout the day, even if Robert’s experience in the Royal Engineers proved invaluable, although they did remind themselves to thank the Ponni team for their generosity at an appropriate time.
On a completly different note, this is the third (of four) events I've taken part in where I'm right behind a Bogliq. I'm starting to feel a bit.....blue.....

I’m not sorry

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3rd place overall and second in the professional standings! I’ll take it. And an unexpected win in a sector.

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RM Factory Team

@Private_Miros
Rajha Mirada - 37 years old male, more pessimistic. Some experience racing.

Daniel “Dany” Focada - 34 years old male, the improvisor. No racing experience, little navigation experience.

PS: They may be a “factory-backed team” but are far from professional. It’s Rapido Motors! What’d ya expect?

Day 0:

Talking about the RM Skylight DS in the meeting area.
R: Why dis they gib no push bumpers
D: Tey don’t like spen moneies
R: Tis shooshta les has te vee-eighty… top o-de line too!
D: Dey do like us ten? We’ve gota shot at tis!
R: No. Not at tis rate! Lookeie te competition! We’da not going anywhere neer tem.
D: Well ya reel got a way with de demotivating.

R: Weya need to cat te drag in fire da mantle…
D: No, no. yank na be runnin’ wit da band…

Team starts bickering between themselves, becoming completely gibberish to everyone who can hear them, yet perfectly understandable to Rajha and Dany.

Day 1:

The day starts with Rajha and Dany in good moods, both ripping on each other, which then sounds like gibberish to anyone else. Their turn to go, and they start off at a steady pace, not in any hurry, but with Rajha driving that means they look like maniacs.
(It’s usual for this style of driving in their small country with very few rules of the road.)

Rajha: Tis is te way right?
Dany: Ya, I gots es going da route we sups to.

The RM Factory-backed Team go racing over a hill, cutting off the Penting just to hit the Epoch in the rear corner… or did they avoid the Penting’s crash that caused the Epoch to spin and flip, RM team rear-ending one of them in the process? Either way the RM Skylight DS now has front end damage and a busted radiator.

Rajha and Dany get out, arguing first with the other drivers, then between each other…

Rajha: Yuu, dis tis yuu fault! Yuuu cut me bumper en broken yee car!
Dany: Na, he da victum. Yuu did tis un try take out us from racing, no?
R: Na, ye did no tell me hill dis was, ten yet an ye make mistake, no?
D: No? Ye didn’t gets brake before brake! Ye make pass inside!
R: No. Yi dodge spin, yuu saw wit own eyes, no?

Dany starts looking at the front-end damage and radiator.
Dany: No, dis not me! Factory did no good bumper, dis not good!
Rajha: Tis is not yi fault. Tis make bad press! Must fix for us, for Rapido, for sweet mother!
D: Aye, aye, I fix, I fix! It take time!
R: Time, yee no fast than me gram!
D: Ya, ya, das why Yu fix den? Yu faster?
R: Na!!! Yu Fix! Yu Fix Fasta! I leet yu do. I geet tools!

And their bickering continues as they try to fix the radiator, their words becoming gibberish to anyone else.

At the lake checkpoint. Dany is hunched over the open hood of the car while Rajha sits in the driver’s seat turning the key.
Dany: Try de key now!
Car turns over, never fires once.
Rajha: Da! It’s no good! Tis not starting!
D: I know! Tink I don’t?
R: We make it go or tis end of race!
D: Ya, yu have any ideas, driver, ro yu da test dummy?
R: Test dummy, Baahhgg! Hit it more, does tat help?
D: Ta cabs schoowy tis take some time!
R: Bah.

They continue to try to get the car running again, and after some time succeed. Getting to the end of Stage 1 before the last finisher, the Sparrow.

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—At the post race camp site, loud grinding noises and lots of shouting can be heard from the Ferriera Family Crashing Team’s camp.—

Bruce: “BUSTER, I NEED YOU TO GO ‘BORROW’ TWO 12 VOLT BATTERIES FROM THE OTHER TEAMS, AND SOME EXTRA JUMPER CABLES, WE NEED TO RIG UP A FIELD ARC WELDER!”

Buster: “CONSIDER IT DONE PA!”

—More grinding and hammering sounds as Bruce tears apart the front driveshaft that failed during the third sector. He can be seen walking off into the distance towards what looks like an oil drilling rig with a hack saw. About an hour later he returns. Buster has already “borrowed” the batteries and jumper cables he needed and is drinking a tin full of beer from the keg labeled “30w Oil” they smuggled into the country from back home.—

Buster: “Where you been, da… Jesus, what are you covered in, shit?”

Bruce: "Oil. We needed a new drive shaft tube, so I cut one out of that oil rig way over there. It’s spewing oil now like a sumnufabitch, but I got this really thick steel pipe, perfect size too. It’ll do nicely.

Buster: “Fukken dad, (laughs) Want a beer?”

Bruce: “Maybe later, I found the welding rods we brought buried in with all the other crap we stuffed in here. I think I found your childhood ‘blankey’ too, but I’m gonna pretend I didn’t see it…”

Buster: “Yeah, I’ll pretend you didn’t say shit, and I won’t tell mom about the weed you taped under the label for the “oil” keg.”

Bruce: “We have an understanding. You got our ‘welder’ set up?”

Buster: “Yup, ready when you are.”

—The loud grinding and hammering sounds have been replaced by the snapping sounds of welding. Buster welds up the drive shaft and re-installs it in the car while Bruce changes out of his oil soaked clothes, and heads for the communal showers. The nearby teams look on, jaws agape at the utter red-neckishness of the President of a major auto company. Some time later, Bruce returns.

Buster: “So whatcha think pa? We were doing alright before the driveshaft gave out, think we was in 4th place overall before then.”

Bruce: “Yeah, car’s pretty good, but slow like I figured. We’re currently 5th in the Amateur class, we would need a lot of luck on our side, and a lot of misfortune on the others to come out on top, but as you’re aware, with our family history, if we didn’t have bad luck, we would have no luck at all.”

Buster: “Well, maybe we should stop taking so many withdraws from the Karma bank. Stealing batteries, causing environmental disasters…”

Bruce: “You want to compete or what? Life is about who can cheat the best without getting caught, now, pour me a beer while I roll a joint. Lets relax and get ready for the last stage of this race.”

Buster: “Sure, assuming we don’t wake up in an Archanian prison…”

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Triple carburetors:

They’re not for offroading. :stuck_out_tongue:

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Team There and Back Again: We reach Fazo!

On our way to Fazo!

Top of the Volcano, Black Sands Lake

The team reached the top of the volcano without serious mishap. The engine was still strong and nothing else had broken, failed or been punctured.

Sector three was anticlimactic compared to sector two; Stephen just put the GPDV in a low gear and let the Bogliq drive itself down the hill!

Sector four wasn’t aimed at the Bogliq’s strengths so team TaBA were passed by a number of cars who were able to drive the course quicker and team TaBA passed a number of cars who shouldn’t have driven the course as quick as they did!

Sector five was very much in team TaBA’s favour. The rock strewn badlands are hard to navigate if you need to go around obstacles, but since the GPDV is built to go over obstacles as well, Stephen just made a beeline for the finish line!!!

The final results for stage One saw team TaBA plae tenth overall and sixth in the ameteur league. The old Bogliq wasn’t fast but things were looking less grim than they did on sector two…

Overall Position: Tenth overall, sixth highest ameteur

Thoughts so far: This race is less like an epic trek and more like an episode of wacky racers!!!

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Team Tin of Anchovies

End of stage 1.

The Thunder appeared on the horizon, sliding over the last corner and crossing the finish line leaving a trail of dust, small rocks and petrol fumes.

Alec: “Alright, we did it! This is the end of the first stage.”

Joshua: “How did we do mate?”

Alec: “Seems like we’re the fourth team to arrive. Let me park this and ask a few questions.”

Alec found a race official to talk to, coming back briefly after.

Alec: “Fourth overall, third in our category!”

Joshua: “I know it’s a good result and you’re excited and all but don’t big note ourselves just yet.”

Alec: “C’mon, it’s a good result so far, can’t we enjoy it?”

Joshua left the beer he was drinking in front of himself.

Joshua: “Look, we still are four stages away. Plenty of time to get in a bingle or something. Rest now though, I’ll go get some good oil about the next stage.”

Alec nodded, entering the tent they were assigned. Joshua grabbed his beer and gave it a gulp.

Joshua: “If I don’t get too off my face today…”

TO BE CONTINUED

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Team Sechsmötörigewildsaü

End of stage 1.

Jean-martin: … Was esch’s des? The finish line?
Xavier: … Already?
Jean-Martin: … BUt… The gallons of coolant we’ve taken?
Xavier: The billion bottles of oil?
Jean-Martin: verdammi, how are we on fuel?!
Xavier: … We’re… we’re good, actually
Jean-Martin: Heh, yeah I’m good at tuning carbs, gall
Xavier: … I’m schtill gonna ask a referee or something, because… what?
Jean-Martin: Hopla™.

Minutes after, while Jean-Martin was checking the levels of the Mesaia, Xavier came back, in silence.
…
Jean-Martin: Was?
Xavier: … It is the finish line…
…
Jean-Martin didn’t say anything, and went to the cooler they had in the back of the car. Out comes a bottle of Kronembourg, before Xavier stops him, starting to shake from excitement himself.
Xavier: Nei, nei! … Seppi… Fifth overall.

Jean-Martin’s eyes widened… The bottle of Kro slipped back into the cooler, and his hand got out again, this time with a bottle of Crémant.
Instantly, Xavier shook his head, a broad smile appearing on his face as he took a breath to annouce the last good news

Xavier: … Second in our category.
…
Jean-Martin choked on his own saliva for a second… And the bottle of Crémant found its way back into the cooler, to be replaced by a bottle of home made schnapps.

S’gilt.

The rest is history.

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