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The 2018 Meatball run - Day 2 1PM-4PM


#101

Team Mountain Pass

Previous post

Day One: 6AM - 9AM
Andrew Morgan here, I’ll be your host for the 2018 Meatball run, because Pierre had to do it last time and he’s still mad at me for making him fly Air Australia…

Now I’d never been in the Meatball run before so I had high hopes of being competitive this time around because Pierre had organised our car for the competition. I should have realised that Pierre selecting a car was a terrible idea beforehand but it didn’t stop me from looking shocked when he picked me up in the Meatball car at the Bodo airport in Norway.

A: “What the hell is this! An American Bogliq, auto no less, in Europe? What were you thinking Pierre!?!?”

P: “This time we’re taking it easy… The Entice trim is comfy, the auto shifts smoothly and the fuel economy is decent. Your choices always end up burning to the ground!”

A: “Better to die young than fade away… What a boring car!”

P: “Bah!!! Kids these days… We’ll do well, just you wait and see”

So I bundled my gear into the diminutive l’il sedan and we drove to the start of the race, at Riksgransen, in Sweden. Thanks to the utter normalness of the Zealot, no-one was the wiser about our intentions when we got there.

When we lined up ready for the race to start, the potential folly of our car choice became stark. Everyone’s using rally specials or big diesel trucks or sports cars but we’ve managed to bring a commuter car… Talkabout bringing a knife to a gunfight, hahaha!

As we attempted to take off at the start of the race we were swamped by all the faster cars, pushing past at every opportunity, so I was glad that Pierre was driving since he’s more careful than I am at race starts. The shenanigans started almost immediately with Team Hillbilly Rollers yelling obscenities about our car as they drove past! Jokes on them, I agree with their assessment…

What else did I see? Pierre, oblivious to what the fuzz looks like in Sweden, pushed past a marked police car which was following team Thunderstruck, that was fun! Team New Life in an Ardent (suck it Ardent!) wagon got a flat tyre and team Off Constantly managed to kill a member of Santa’s posse… Yeah, this race is going great so far!

Stats:

  • Distance travelled - 330Km
  • Fuel used - 19 litres
  • Money remaining - $7,089
  • Fatigue level - 23%

#102

D: “Say Mel, that dead reindeer didn’t have a harness on it, did it? Or a red nose?”
M: “Very Funny.”
D: “I thought maybe you’d hit royalty, that Chancellor rolled by us all slow playing Chopin’s “funeral march”.
M: “Oh look! There they are!”
D: “Should we stop?”
M: “Sure.” reaching for the glovebox that held her KBAR
D: “On second thought, maybe not. I don’t see anyone hurt… yet.”
M: “Onward?”
D: “Onward. I kinda like them. Brave, anyway, to antagonize a knife-wielding Lagerfelter. Not exactly smart, but at least they have good taste.”
M: “I prefer Wagner.”
D: “You would. Let’s have a little fun with ‘em.” Dani held her phone to the CB.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziEeuQEA5aM]


#103

Operation BIRD

[9:12 in the morning; boredom starts to set in within the car; Connor keeps his focus on the road and remains neutral, neither bored to death nor overly excited]
Redwood: “Any of you got some cool ass Handles for CB yet?”
Tonsom: “No. Why would I? Connor can to the talking stuff…”
[Connor takes a quick glance at the rear-view-mirror, then replies]
Connor: “You told me to not communicate with anyone until i have my CB Nickname.”
Tonsom: “Soo… you got one yet?”
[Connor starts thinking]
Connor: “I will notify you when i have an idea, Captain Tonsom.”

[Redwood turns around to Tonsom in the rear seat; Connor passively listens to the conversation]
Redwood: “Does he always talk like that?”
Tonsom: [slightly annoyed] “Yeah… you better get used to that since that will likely not change…”
Redwood: “Maybe i can teach him how to be at least remotely cool…”
Connor: “I am still with you. I heard everything. And. I have come up with an idea for our CB Handles.”
Tonsom: “Go ahead. I wanna get this stuff done.”

[Connor starts explaining calmly]
Connor: “It might not be the best idea possible, but we could adapt the ATC alphabet and use the respective letters as our CB handles. Tim, you would have the choice of either ‘Tango’ or ‘Romeo’. Captain Tonsom, your choices would be either ‘Charlie’, ‘Foxtrot’ or ‘Tango’. Since my name is Connor alone, i am bound to using ‘Charlie’ as my handle, eliminating your choice of ‘Charlie’ to avoid double-assignments.
Also, i would hand the first choice to Captain Tonsom, since he is the head of this operation.”

[Tonsom slowly sinks into confusion as Connor goes on explaining; Redwood seems to like the idea behind that]
Tonsom: “Wait what? Now make it understandable…”
Connor: “Our initials will be the base for our Handles.”
[Slight pause to make sure Tonsom can follow]
Tonsom: “Okaay…”
Connor: “Based on your name, Captain Frank Tonsom, you have the choice of ‘Charlie’, ‘Foxtrot’ and 'Tango.” But ‘Charlie’ would have to be my handle since my name, Connor, starts with a C only.
[Another pause]
Tonsom: “Soo… well… I´ll have ‘Foxtrot’ then…”

Connor: “Tim, it is your turn to choose your Handle.”
Tim: “Tango is mine! Romeo is too… much of a ‘Titanic’ reference…”
Connor: “My Handle will have to be ‘Charlie’, as explained earlier.”

[Tonsom is relieved]
Tonsom: “Thank god we sorted that crap out… Finally we can get to know the others…”

a few minutes later

Connor: “Captain Tonsom?”
Tonsom:
[to himself] “What is wrong again?”
[to Connor] “What?”
Connor: “Now that we are a team of three, i will accept orders from Mr. Redwood as well, with priority on your orders, Captain Tonsom.”
Tonsom: [quietly] “This cannot end well…”
[Redwood is obviously pleased by that message and immediately tries to make use of this]
Redwood: “Can we turn the radio on?”
[Connor, without saying a word, reaches over to the radio controls and tunes into a local station playing chart-songs while occasionally spreading general and traffic-related news]
Redwood: “Cool…”

to be continued

sorry for wall of text


#104

Team Green Gunners, Part 1

The Green Gunners were driving at their usual rapid pace, but within a few hours it was clear that not all was well with their quarter-century-old sports coupe. The oil pressure warning light was blinking intermittently in sharp turns, and it was clear that something had to be done. So they stopped at the earliest possible opportunity to buy additional oil.

After refilling their car’s oil reservoir, Tom and Bob’s optimism returned as they headed back out onto the road.

“There’s still a long way to go, but at least we’re ahead of most of the other racers”, Tom remarked.

“Sounds like good news to us. We’ll keep the hammer down for as long as we can”, Bob replied.

And so the Green Gunners forged on through the morning light, confident of a strong showing in the next leg.


#105

Team Sippppp - Day 1

The start of the big sippppp

The duo sat there at the start line, engine off having made sure they brimmed the tank right before sitting at the start line. A quick look around revealed a multitude of cars, with theirs looking like the newest and probably the oddest one out of the bunch, an issue if any police decide to clock onto them.

It didn’t take long for them to notice all the other cars seemingly readying up to go, Danny firing up the 1303 boxer 4 and letting it rumble at idle behind them, the single muffler making the turbo whistle nicely. A few moments more and they were off, engine roaring to life and the turbos screaming as 106.6hp of fury sends the 125mm thick low-rolling resistance tyres screaming and spinning all the way through first gear, somehow leaving a few of the competition behind?

The two were confused but didn’t sit and think on it for long, quickly settling into a proper eco drive whilst keeping the speed up, both pairs of eyes practically fixated on the fuel gauge and the economy readout on the dashboard, occasionally breaking away their vision to catch them passing a car due to refuelling, what looked like a skid and what was definitely a run in with a reindeer where it was debatable what came off worse from the impact.

The going was smooth enough that Denny got to doing some calculations, and came to an astonishingly terrible realisation…

Denny: “Yo Danny, how much cash we got after forking out for this thing?”
Danny: “Enough”
Denny: “Yeah no I don’t think do, we might be spending nearly nothing on fuel but for everything else, we’re cutting it close”
Danny: “We’ll camp out in the car, it’ll be fine”
Denny: “If we have an issue, or if you get us ticketed, that’s gonna be how we spend a few nights!”
Danny: “Ah come on, this thing is reliable as hell and I’m not gonna get us a ticket, it’ll be fine
Denny: “Famous last words”

Denny kept an eye out for the cars that passed them and those they managed to keep ahead of, working out that they were somehow in the top 10 despite their deficiencies of small tyres and an expensive car. The first night was signed off with an impressive around 7 litres used over their 384km sprint. A quick check of the radio revealed only two cars within radio range, and both barely. They decided to leave it quiet for now, but keep an ear out for anything incoming


#106

Team Bakewell Tart


As the race commenced most off the drivers gave eachother a taste of their car’s tire smoke sending big clouds around the car park. Each car gave a different noise, the big buzzing V6 of the Sinistra, the admittedly dissapointing but pleasant 4 cylinder rasp off the SC and Mandy’s all of a sudden very heavy right foot giving a barely muffled vraaaar psshtoo from the V6 Ditane.

“Fuel isn’t looking too bad Mandy, we should be good for a while longer and at this speed we should be able to go past people even if we do stop, best to still keep an eye on that Caliban though” said Connor through a raft of paper with various figures written on them.

“We might aswell fire up the CB Connor it’ll give us something else to do other than equations and we should be in range of someone if I haven’t gone too far ahead” said Mandy changing into 5th and coming to a ‘cruise’ and taking a large stretch and muttering something that goes along the lines of ‘bloody shit driving position’.

Connor stopped flicking through pages in the map lifted his head and reached down to turn on the CB radio and handed Mandy the mic and pointing jabbingly at the door handle as Mandy started to open her mouth.

" loud sniff this is Cherry and the Cameraman any other vehicles reading us?" The sound of silence rang through the car and Connors mouthing of ‘the Cameraman, wtf’ was the only thing vaguely audible speech wise.

Mandy put the mic down and turned to Connor giving a shrug, as she did so the CB crackled as what seemed to be someone screaming into the mic caused the whole thing to buzz. Something along the lines of ‘Getaway Plan’ and ‘Maria!’ was heard.

Connor and Mandy both winced, covered their ears and gave eachother a look of despair.


@BoostandEthanol you’re up.


#107

Team Getaway Plan

Maria shouts into the CB, “Hey bitches! It’s the sore on your ass speaking to you!” She gets no response. “Hey hey hey! Don’t ignore me! Look, let’s do some introductions before I fuck you.” She grins, proud of her ‘witty’ line, and quickly mute the mic while she cackled. “We’re Team Getaway Plan, I’m Maria, and my fun fact about myself is that I fuck shit up!” She mutes the mic again while she waits for a response.

She takes a sideways glance at Skyler, who seems unaware of anything happening, eyes locked on the road and music faintly audible from his earphones.

The speaker finally crackles, with a mumble coming out. “Errrm. Hello Maria, this is Cherry. It’s kind of you to pick up, but to quote you, you haven’t really been a ‘sore in our ass’ at the moment considering we’re in front of you.” Maria gives a look of surprise, not expecting the cool and calm response.

The speakers crackle more, and a new speaker starts talking. “Hello Maria, this is the Cameraman speaking. Just a quick word of warning, I wouldn’t use your actual name on here. After all, you never know who’s listening, and you could ‘fuck shit up’ for yourself.” The speakers go quiet.

“Fuck!” Maria shouts, before trying to recompose herself with more swearing. She grabs the mic. “What’s the matter fuckers? Scared the cops will catch you? I’ve done shit more illegal than this! This is nothing!” She pauses, panting heavily with an enraged expression on her face that matches the Katana’s as she tries to think of a response.

She chuckles, "But fine, if it’ll help you sleep at night then we’ll use code names. And hey, if you don’t want to be linked to eighteen different bank robberies I’ll even use a new code name! I’ll be… She looks around for inspiration quickly, and catches a glance at Skyler’s phone in the centre console. The band name scrolls across the screen: Paramore. “Fuck it! Sure! Paramore! And my Mozart in a go kart here is…” She looked around again, seeing the song name appear. “He’s Escape Route. ER. Whatever, not like he talks much. Anyway, keep one eye on that mirror because soon enough we’ll be on that fat ass of yours!”

She turns off the mic, slightly nervous and defeated. Then turns to Skyler. “Catch them. Embarrass them.”


#108

The family is out on the back porch having a get together Otis and his wife are snuggled in a single reclining lawn chair watching the grand children play in the sprinkler, which involves racing the power wheels through the mud. The oldest two boys are cooking at the grill, their wives are sitting at the patio table talking. Jake is sitting in another reclining chair teasing his mom and dad about being too old for all of that lovey dovey stuff in public when Suzie comes up and climbs into the chair on top of him.

Jake’s phone chimes with the announcement of a new message. Jake and Suzie read the message which contains the invitation to the race.

Suzie sequels “Lets do it, I love the stories you and your dad tell about your crazy trips.”

Otis, “What trip is this?”

Jake, “A 5400km illegal race through Sweden”

Otis, “A few suggestions… Think skinny winding roads, and a muffler, when I did that one before you were born I couldn’t hear for a week.

Jake, “So you don’t suggest the Express? Not to mention they are limiting total money, even fuel”

Otis, “Not if you want to win.”

A couple of weeks later the Redneck Express has been fixed up including the heater box. It doesn’t quite look the same, its lower, much lower.

Otis, “Well it ain’t gonna be the fastest, but it should do decently, and surprising good on gas.”

Suzie, “Its time to load it up, its shipping out tomorrow.”

Otis, “Good luck you two, drive… well safeish.”

Jake: 18, The youngest son of Otis, mechanic and driver. Redneck through and through. Big dirty black hat and all.

Suzie: 18, Jakes girlfriend starting school next fall as an engineering student, only recently got into cars, racing, and engines due to Jake.

Redneck Express: 23 A big black 1995 T-25 ¾ ton truck that has been rebuilt several times now and has been run in so many competitions now that it might as well be a character.

Team Redneck

Flight 46 (JFK-AMS)

Jake and Suzie were one of the last to board having purchased budget tickets back in coach. Both are carrying backpacks and large cowboy hats. As they pass row 17 Jake recognizes Hank and Kyle, they exchange quick pleasantries as they are ushered to the back of the plane. The flight is long but the two pass the time snuggled up together while going over all of the routes, as well as learning a few basic phrases, “hej officer här är min licens”, ”var är bensinstationen” etc…

The race starts, Jake can’t resist disabling the traction control and lighting up the rear tires in a cloud of smoke and roar of the big trucks V8, which is repeated all the way until the shift into 3rd gear. The weather is cool but not bad, its quite humid so the afternoon might not be so comfortable with a high just over 80f. The terrain is relatively flat and very green.

Suzie ”Just stay on 95 for a long while, and watch out for Reign deer, they are much larger than ours.

Jake ”Got it, can you find what sounds like a country station”

Suzie spends some time working the radio

Jake, ”Thats different, and in english, sort of”

There were a few weak calls recieved on the radio early on but as the groups spread out those who were talking gradially got out of range, the two enjoying the scenery and the different take on country music.


#109

9 AM - Noon
Most of the vehicles pass the checkpoint in Arjeplog and continues onto the second route, Arjeplog-Dorotea


320 km of small country roads. The skies are getting clear and the weather is very hot. CB range is about 10 km if you want to contact other teams.

All results are written as integers to make it easier to read. Though I am of course using decimals when calculating the results.


Team Hillbilly rollers / Knugcab
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: Team stopped for refuelling at the Circle K station in Jokkmokk
Distance: 427 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 508 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: Alternator belt is slipping, team has to stop to tension it.
CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team is standing at OKQ8 Arjeplog for refuelling and some hot dogs
Distance: 542 km

Fuel: 50 litres
Money: $1978.01
Fatigue: 30%

Team V6 Vandals / @Madrias
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 472 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Distance: 542 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: Team stopped for refuelling at Adakmacken in Adak. At the same time, buying some food at Handlarn Adak…
Distance: 637 km

Fuel: 50 litres
Money: $1310
Fatigue: 23%

Team Thunderstruck / @Vri404
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: Team stopped for refuelling at Circle K, Jokkmokk.
Distance: 383 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 483 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: Car is misfiring
Distance: 537 km

Fuel: 31 litres
Money: $4876.35
Fatigue: 75%

Team Harcourt-Entwhistle / @Jaimz
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 477 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team is refuelling at OKQ8 Arjeplog
Distance: 542 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: Team is stopping to buy some food at Slagnäs Lanthandel, Slagnäs.
Distance: 372 km

Fuel: 46 litres
Money: $4299.91
Fatigue: 30%

Team New Life / @VicVictory
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 424 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: Wheel bearing is making horrible noises, a new one is found at Jannes Bil & Delar, Moskosel for $40. Team stopped for refuelling at Skelleftebränslen, Moskosel.
Distance: 455 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: None
Distance: 525 km

Fuel: 39 litres
Money: $4217
Fatigue: 30%

Team Mountain pass / @HighOctaneLove
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: Car is running hot, low on coolant. Expansion tank filled up from a bottle found in the trunk
Distance: 413 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: Team stopped for refuelling at Skelleftebränslen, Moskosel
Distance: 482 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped for some gas station hotdogs at OKQ8 Arjeplog
Distance: 542 km

Fuel: 39 litres
Money: $6999.36
Fatigue: 45%

Team Off Constantly / @Obfuscious
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 405 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: Team failed to notice a tractor stopped to turn left until it was too late and hit it from behind. Low speed, only small damage to the already crooked bumper. After being bribed with the expensive wedding gift champagne, the farmer agreed not to call the cops.
Distance: 475 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped for refuelling and some hot dogs at OKQ8 Arjeplog
Distance: 542 km

Fuel: 50 litres
Money: $5966.17
Fatigue: 45%

Team Two lone wolves / @Aaron.W
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 480 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped for refuelling and some hot dogs at OKQ8 Arjeplog
Distance: 542 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: None
Distance: 648 km

Fuel: 34 litres
Money: $2065.93
Fatigue: 51%

Team Kansei Dorifto / @Watermelon3878
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 483 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Distance: 559 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: Team stopped in Adak for refuelling at Adakmacken and to buy some food at Handlarn Adak
Distance: 637 km

Fuel: 50 litres
Money: $2933.07
Fatigue: 75%

Team Redneck / @Zabhawkin
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 475 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: Checkpoint 1 passed (Arjeplog)
Distance: 555 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: Team stopped in Adak for refuelling at Adakmacken and to buy some food at Handlarn Adak
Distance: 635 km

Fuel: 50 litres
Money: $2098.04
Fatigue: 45%

Team MV Design / @Marcus_gt500
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 463 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped for refuelling and some hot dogs at OKQ8 Arjeplog
Distance: 524 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: None
Distance: 569 km

Fuel: 48 litres
Money: $9655.48
Fatigue: 45%

Team Shitbox / @Mr.Computah
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 520 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Distance: 627 km
11 AM - 12AM
Notes: None
Distance: 754 km

Fuel: 12 litres
Money: $3115
Fatigue: 63%

Team Stm316 / @stm316
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 466 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped at OKQ8 Arjeplog for refuelling and some hot dogs
Distance: 254 km
11 AM - 12AM
Notes: None
Distance: 631 km

Fuel: 37 litres
Money: $3242.62
Fatigue: 30%

Team Green Gunners / @abg7
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: Team is refuelling at Skelleftebränslen, Moskosel
Distance: 466 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: None.
Distance: 535 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Distance: 655 km

Fuel: 33 litres
Money: $2118.64
Fatigue: 45%

Team Supreme Cream / @Awildgermanappears
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: Team refuelled at Skelleftebränslen, Moskosel
Distance: 472 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Distance: 542 km
11 AM - 12AM
Notes: Team stopped to buy food at Handlarn, Adak.
Distance: 637 km

Fuel: 31 litres
Money: $2078.86
Fatigue: 45%

Team Letto / @LordLetto
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 448 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 520 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped for refuelling and some hot dogs at OKQ8 Arjeplog
Distance: 530 km

Fuel: 49 litres
Money: $8235
Fatigue: 30%

Team Bakewell Tart / @Mythrin
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 527 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped for refuelling at OKQ8 Arjeplog
Distance: 608 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: None
Distance: 740 km

Fuel: 36 litres
Money: $2878.55
Fatigue: 45%

Team REE / @Detsikeulii
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 499 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped for refuelling at OKQ8 Arjeplog
Distance: 557 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: None
Distance: 683 km

Fuel: 30 litres
Money: $3048.32
Fatigue: 30%

Team Operation BIRD / @Elizipeazie
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: Car is misfiring. New spark plugs for $43 found at Jannes Bil & Delar, Moskosel
Distance: 455 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 516 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped for pizza at Pizzeria Verona, Arjeplog
Distance: 556 km

Fuel: 24 litres
Money: $5529
Fatigue: 30%

Team Bunnysquad / @Mikonp7
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: Team stopped for refuelling at Skelleftebränslen, Moskosel
Distance: 455 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 513 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped for pizza at Pizzeria Verona, Arjeplog
Distance: 552 km

Fuel: 41 litres
Money: $2656.56
Fatigue: 35%

Team Getaway Plan / @BoostandEthanol
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 522 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes:CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped by the cops, speeding ticket of $300
Distance: 600 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: None
Distance: 729 km

Fuel: 21 litres
Money: $1715
Fatigue: 45%

Team Sippppp / @TheElt
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 486 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Distance: 562 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: Team stopped to buy some food at Handlarn Adak
Distance: 637 km

Fuel: 39 litres
Money: $2057
Fatigue: 45%

Team Dust Devils / @DukeOFhazards
9 AM - 10 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 469 km
10 AM - 11 AM
Notes: None
Distance: 538 km
11 AM - Noon
Notes: CHECKPOINT 1 PASSED (Arjeplog)
Team stopped for refuelling and some hot dogs at OKQ8 Arjeplog
Distance: 555 km

Fuel: 48 litres
Money: $5057
Fatigue: 30%


#110

TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS, 9AM TO NOON


Now playing: Teddie Ericsson - What I want

The black (still smelling of tar) behemoth held a steady pace through the wilderness of northern Sweden, when suddenly the voltage meter dropped and there was an annoying clunking noise from under the bonnet…

CLANGABANGABANG!
ANDREAS: What the (curse word) is that, is there half a birch stuck in the cooling fan after we went off the road?
JANNE: You and your stupid theories! You see that gravel road that goes into the forest? We can stop on that one and then I’ll check under the bonnet…

(a few minutes later)

JANNE: I knew it! Those stupid brackets on the IP Dualcam engines, always coming loose for reasons that nobody seems to know! Just give me a 13 mm socket from the toolbox in the boot and I hope to solve this problem quite quickly.
MARIE: Yeah, but the toolbox is under the beer carton, so I think that I have to empty that one first…
JANNE: NO WAY! Remember that you have to drive later today, Andreas is not going to keep up the whole day…
MARIE: (curse word curse word curse word curse word)… well, OK then…

(some wrenching later)

JANNE: Well, start it up and we’ll see…
ANDREAS: Yup! No noises and the voltage meter is steady over 14 volts, seems to be working great again!

The IP soldiered on and fulfilled its duties, however, both the team and the car was starving at the moment. When they finally rolled past the first checkpoint, Arjeplog, the tank was filled up with 95 octanes while our heroes ordered some nutritious…well, or at least greasy…hot dogs.

MARIE: Hey look outside, they are filling up the tank of the Wisconsin! But (curse word) how sad the front end is looking! They must have had at least one huge prang there… Quite sad to see such a beauty that mangled.
ANDREAS: Seems like they are coming to pay now, I think we should have a talk…maybe gain some useful information…

(Team Off Constantly is walking through the door of the OKQ8 gas station)

MARIE: Hello there! We are the Hillbilly rollers, nice to meet you! (Curse word) how I love your ride, what do you think about ours? Sad to see it in such a bad shape though, what happened? Anything useful to share?

(@Obfuscious, your turn if you feel like it)


#111

Team New Life

“Uhhh,” Fuzz moaned, bouncing up and down slightly in the back seat. “Can we find some place to stop? I really gotta take a leak.”

Hank looked down at the gauge cluster. “You’re lucky this beast drinks gas like you drink… well, everything from the cooler, it looks like. Gotta pull over for gas again here in a minute.”


#112

Operation BIRD

9:38 in the morning
[the car starts misfiring; Redwood is the first to notice the abnormal sounds]
Redwood: “Erm… i am not a mechanic or something like that, but [car misfires] THAT is not normal as far as i know.”
Connor: “I can try to work out the issue. That requires silence for a few hundred metres.”
[Connor reaches over to the radio and turns it off; a weird silece fill the car, which itself is doing it´s abnormal stuff; around 20 seconds later, Connor starts]
Connor: “It seems to be some fault with the engine´s ignition system. The spark plugs are most likely top be affected. I would suggest to stop for new spark plugs toi replace the current ones.”
[Redwood gets nervous as he is not a trained mechanic and has not worked much on a car before]
Redwood: “Are… Are you sure I can handle this?”
Connor: “Likelyhood of you succeeding is around 84.6 percent.”
Tonsom: “Well… it´s gotta work. I am gonna keep my hands clear of this.”

9:46 in the morning
[They stop at Jannes Bil & Delar in Moskosel, hoping to get their spare parts]
Tonsom: “Who is gonna get in there now?”
[Connor starts opening the driver´s door]
Connor: “Tim, could you get out and start getting the current spark plugs out?”
Redwood: “Erm…”
[Connor pops the hood, Redwood gets out of the car and looks into the engine bay in confusion; Connor walks back and tirns the ignition off, then returns to Redwood]
Connor: “Getting a spark plug out consists of three steps.
At first, you undo the engine cover by pressing here [points at the cover], then you pull it off the engine.”
[Redwood follows the instructions; the cover makes a slight click noise when removed]
Redwood:[seems afraid of something] “Did it break?”
Connor: [takes the cover from Redwood; then investigates it] “It is alright, let´s continue.
The next step is the removal of the ignition wires. To be able to otder them back when putting the spark plugs in again, we will tape them to the rocker cover in the meantime. For that, you need to get some tape from the trunk. And bring the spark plug wrench with you. That way, you wont have to walk twice.”
Redwood: “Erm… how does this wrech look like?”
Connor: “It looks similar to a tyre iron.”
[Redwood walks to the trunk, seaches in there a bit, then returns with an actual tyre iron, the plug wrench and some tape]
Redwood: “Well… i found this.”
[Connor takes the tyre iron and puts it aside]
Connor: “What you are holding now is the tool needed. Now, remove the ignition wires and tape them next to the hole you took them out of.”
[Redwood hands Connor the wrench, then procceds to do his work; Connor then gives the wrench back to Redwood]
Connor: “Now undo the spark plugs with the wrench and hand them over to me.”
[Redwood continues following instructions; he seems to have fun getting stuff done]
Connor: “We are done undoing the plugs. I will be back in a few minutes.”

9:53 in the morning
[Connor leaves Jannes Bil & Delar with a small package; Tonsom in the car seems to have fallen asleep]
Connor: “These are the new spark plugs to be installed. Installing them follows the same order of actions as unsinstalling, but in reverse.”
Redwood: “Soo… screwing in the plugs, putting the wires and clipping the cover on?”
Connor: “Correct.”
[Redwood installs the spark plugs as suggested; Connor observes the process to correect it where needed. This correction does not happen.]
Redwood: [cheerful] “I AM DONE! WOOOO! I DID SOMETHING!”
[Tonsom wakes up to Redwood screaming across the parking lot]
Connor: “I do not want to break yo…”
Tonsom: [angrily; shouting at Connor fron the rear seat] “DON`T YOU DARE MESSING HIS MOTIVATION UP!
DO IT AND I AM GONNA FUCK YOU UP BADLY!”
[Connor immediately goes quiet; but retains his default “neutral af face”]
Redwood: “Wanna see if it works?”
Tonsom: [unexpectedly motivated] “Hop on in, you are gonne be the next driver anyways.”
[Redwood gets out of the car and takes seat on the passenger seat; Connor idles about in front of the car, staring into the distance as he always does; Redwood happily takes seat as the driver]
Tonsom: “Connor! What are you waiting for! Close that thing up and get in the back!”
[Connor closes the hood and on his way back, he hands the keys over to Redwood]

9:58 in the morning
Tonsom: “Come on. Twist that key.”
[Redwood starts the Pulso I4 of the Damien-Benoît]
Redwood: [full of excitement] “IT WORKS!”
Tonsom: “Great job, Tim. Could not have done it better.”
[The car starts miving and is back on the road]

Redwood: “Some credit has to go to Connor… without him, i would not have had a single idea of what to do…”
Tonsom: [annoyed] “Yeah… whatever…”

to be continued

sorry for wall of text, but having a refined set of characters opens up some unexpected RP options


#113

Team Mountain Pass

Previous Post

Day One: 9AM - NOON
So we’d been on the road for a bit over three hours when the incident happened. I was looking for some sweet Country & Western music to annoy Pierre with when I got a whiff of an all too familiar smell… Coolant.

A: “Hey Pierre, anything going on? I smell hot radiator man!”

P: taps instrument panel “Looks like US Bogliq’s have dodgy dials too, the water temp just flatlined…”

A: “Then pull over before you cook the motor! It’s all-alloy and the fuckin’ head will probably warp!”

We pulled over and, sure enough, the overflow bottle was empty…

A: “Did you even look at this car before buying?”

P: shamefaced “I uhhh… He said the car had been fully serviced just last week! Fuck!!!”

A: “Shit man… Have we got any water or coolant? You check the cabin, I’ll check the boot”

Thankfully, deep in the back of the boot, I found a bottle of pre-mix coolant and we were able to get underway again…

P: “Sorry man, I thought the old dude was on the up and up…”

A: “I knew this was an old man’s car! Don’t worry about it… At least it hasn’t burst into flames yet and the stereo is kinda nice. You did well, I have a good feeling about this one.”

P: “Thanks, I’m also glad nothing’s on fire… Why do we keep getting Bogliqs anyway?”

A: “We’re poor Pierre, we make paper based magazines in the digital age… We’re lucky we aren’t using something like a Sofa or worse shudders an Ardent!”

P: “Good point well made, let’s keep up the pace then, gotta make our story interesting for the readership then!”

A: “10-4 Pierre, 10-4”

We kept up the pace, refuelling at Skelleftebränslen, Moskosel. We then pressed on for another hour, making our first checkpoint, and decided to try the local “delicacy”, fuel station hotdogs! Tune in tomorrow to see how well we fare in our next stage and don’t forget to visit MountainPass.com.au for all the latest automotive news and reviews…

Stats:
Distance travelled - 542Km
Fuel used - 39 litres
Money remaining - $6,999.36
Fatigue level - 45%


#114

Melissa: “Yeah. Don’t try the veggie dogs.”

Danielle: elbows M “Hey, thanks so much! Team Off Constantly. It’s not really our car, it’s on loan from the Louwmann… We’ve had some bad luck. Or good luck, depending on how you look at it. Mel hit a reindeer and killed it. Luckily a small one, those things full grown weigh more than our car. On the bright side, there will be steaks at the finish line. And then she hit a tractor driven by a drunken Laplander that was practically parked in the middle of the road… Luckily Grandpa John sent us this case of champagne. I don’t know much about it, but I guess it’s supposed to be good. When we offered the Laplander a bottle, he finally agreed not to call the cops on us. At least I think so, there was a bit of a language barrier. You guys want some?” walks to the car and retrieves a bottle. Mel scowls as she wonders what other heavy non-essential stuff Dani has packed into the car. Then, remembering they’re on honeymoon, her scowl relaxes a bit and a sly grin creeps onto her face as she considers the possibilities. Hopefully, they’d have a nice hotel room tonight…

M: “Oh, sure. “Mel hit.” Thanks, babe. I’m pretty sure it’s our car now. We’ll make you a good deal on it when the race is over if you’re interested… It drives like a brand new 1957 sports car, for whatever that’s worth. What it really needs is a sweet flame job like yours. And red steelies- those make me think of 50’s&60’s race cars. Looks Tough.” walks over to the IP, looking it over. “Say, y’all happen to do body work?” now within a few feet of the car “um, never mind. What’s that smell?”

D: "Not to be rude, but we can continue the conversation via radio. Let’s hit the road, we have a lot of time to make up.” The teams return to their cars, Team Off Constantly takes off first but are quickly overtaken by the more powerful Celestia. Mel shouts out the open driver’s window as they go by.

M: “Good Luck, but you can’t beat Off Constantly!” she turns to Dani. “We’ll reel them in on the twisty bits. God, I hope.”

D: “If we don’t hit something. Maybe you should dial it back a notch…”

M: “That’s street racing, dear. Stuff happens.”

also, @Knugcab


#115

@Elizipeazie @Obfuscious
(Somewhat prior to rolling into the gas station)
JANNE: Hehehehe, let’s have some fun with the CB! I think that we have team Operation BIRD in range now…

BREAKER ONE-NINE BREAKER ONE-NINE, THIS IS SWAMPER FROM TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS CALLING TEAM OPERATION BIRD, YOU NEED TO IMMEDIATELY STOP TO CHANGE YOUR PROPSHAFTCARBURATORHOSE, IT IS ALL WORN OUT NOW!

ANDREAS: What the (curse word) is a propshaftcarburatorhose?
JANNE: Hehehehe, of course a such car part does not exist, that’s the whole point…

(Later, after speaking to team Off Constantly)
MARIE: What’s a “Veggie dog”?
ANDREAS: It is what rabbits eat.
MARIE: No way, I have never seen a rabbit eat a hot dog.
ANDREAS: SIGH! Can you give me the bottle we got from team Off Constantly?
MARIE: Only if I can have some too!
ANDREAS: No way, I am not driving until tomorrow, while you have to drive next. Janne won’t cope with all the driving that’s left on his own.
MARIE: (Curse word curse word curse word) whatever…
ANDREAS: GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG!
MARIE: HEY! THAT’S NOT SOME MOONSHINE FROM ÖVERKALIX, IT IS EXPENSIVE STUFF, YOU SHOULD DRINK IT WITH RESPECT!
ANDREAS: Like you know anything! You’re just afraid that there will be none left for you!
MARIE: “Like you know anything”…(curse word curse word curse word)


#116

some time between 9 and 10 in the morning

[The CB radio goes off]

Redwood: “We might want to have a look at that…”
Tonsom: “Really? I think they ar trying to be funny…”
Connor: [in “full neutrality mode”]
“May i inform you that the PROPSHAFTCARBURATORHOSE is a non-existant part.
This means they are trying to trick us into stopping.”

[The team is relieved; Connor takes the CB]

Connor: [Into CB]
“This is Charlie from Operation BIRD to team Hillibilly Rollers, we are fully aware that the Propshaftcarburetor hose is not a component of our vehicle. Thanks for the amusement of trying to be funny.”

about 10 minutes later

[Team Hillibilly Rollers see Operation BIRD on a parking lot, working under the hood]

Happenings on said lot:
see here

@Knugcab
your turn


#117

Team Green Gunners, Part 2

Passing the first checkpoint at Arjeplog provided a huge boost to Tom and Bob’s confidence as they motored on towards the horizon. The pair soon heard rumors that Team Getaway Plan had been fined $300 for speeding - and that was with an underpowered car compared to the Green Gunners’ turbocharged road rocket.

“$300 for just one speeding ticket is madness…” Tom sighed.

“…until you realize that with so little power, they had no choice but to drive flat-out as often as possible, thereby making a speeding ticket much more likely, and already it seems that their banzai strategy might catch up with them sooner than we thought” Bob added.

With excellent conditions and well-made roads, the Green Gunners were able to cover lots of ground since their last fuel stop. And true to form, they continued to press on at a rapid, steady pace as before, now that their oil starvation problem was rectified.


#118

Team V6 Vandals

Previous Main Post


After several minutes of putting up with Luke driving like he was piloting a bathtub, Jake spoke up, “We should probably get food when we stop for gas. And let Luke top-up his oil, because I think he’s about a quart low.”

“I’m fine.” Luke said, ignoring Amy’s glare.

“No, you’re not, Luke. You’re weaving all over the road like a drunk because you barely have enough fluid pressure to hold the wheel straight. Let’s stop for gas, get you out of the driver’s seat, and let someone else have a turn.” Amy said.

They swung into the gas station, shut the car down, and bailed out. Luke filled the car with gas while Cody, Amy, and Jake ran over and bought some food, helping make their turn-around time much faster. With food and fuel bought, Luke got into the back seat, Jake shuffled over to sit next to Luke, Amy kept her seat as shotgun, and Cody took the hot seat.

“Augh! Fuck, I sat in a wet spot!” Cody yelled. “The whole seat’s fuckin’ soaked. The fuck is this?”

“10w30.” Luke replied. “It’s not quite hydraulic grade, but I did warn you guys that I had a hydraulic leak.”

“But you’ve pissed the seat.” Cody said, grimacing.

“Like you haven’t?” Jake shot back, laughing. “Or have you forgotten about that little street race we did a few months back - Sorry mom, I was gonna tell you eventually - where you decided with 10 minutes in the stage to go, you’d piss the driver’s seat to avoid a bathroom stop? Then I had to drive the car in the next stage… Yeah, you enjoy the feeling of motor oil seeping through your jeans and into your underwear.”

Amy glared at Jake, then said, “That is not what the Knight was for.”

“I didn’t race the Knight. I didn’t even bring the Knight. Cody had this weird mid-90’s Sinistra, with the most punchy of the available engine options. I think it was a two-liter, boxer 4 with twin turbos. But the car was also available with the 2 liter boxer 4, without turbos, or with a nearly-two-liter inline 3.” Jake replied.

“Sinistra Serenade. They worked really hard to forget about that inline 3, but the boxers lived on. Not a bad car overall. Cheap as hell, though.” Cody mentioned. “I think the I3 used their L-Series dimensions, and the boxers used their S-Series dimensions. Made for a decent car as long as you didn’t care about comfort. And as long as you didn’t get the paint-shaker. Damn I3 redlines at 4 grand.”

Luke watched as Jake opened a bottle of motor oil and unscrewed the fill port for Luke’s hydraulic system. Shortly after the quart was poured, Jake rolled the window down and pelted the empty oil bottle out into the countryside, then promptly yelled as Amy reached over the back of her seat and slapped him up the backside of his head.

“Don’t fucking litter.” Amy said in an angry, low voice. “Or I’ll have Luke toss you out like garbage in order to save on weight.”


#119

(Team is watching how Team Operation BIRD is standing under the bonnet)

JANNE: HAHAHAHAHAHA just look at them, it seems like there is no limit on stupidity! I wonder when they will find the propshaftcarburatorhose…HAHAHAHAHAHA!


#120