Results are in!
Okay Carlos, let’s see that folder of my notes on these cars. This all we tested? Let me see. I’ll give them all a score between zero and a hundred. In case of a tie, I’ll go with my gut feeling. Sound good? Let’s start.
2010 Storm Serenity APC
It has an intimidating engine noise. It sounds big. I think I like that! It’s just that, it might attract unwanted attention. And the styling’s funky, not really sure how I feel about it. Looks like it’s very easy to access the back seat. Front passengers get a sunroof. Why not back? And what’s with these spy gadgets? I don’t think they’re necessary. But the car performs adequately. Not bad, but I have a feeling we’ll find better ones.
2010 BKOO Alameda Limited
A very comfortable car with fancy entertainment options. Seems to be quite sturdily built. This beefy inline 6 engine moves it just about quickly enough, but is at the low end of what I expect from this kind of car. At least it doesn’t consume ridiculous amounts of fuel. Tyres and wheels are maybe a bit too sport-oriented, I fear they might not be durable enough in heavy use. The price of the car leaves us a thousand bucks in the budget though, so maybe we could exchange those to something more suitable.
LLA Witney X 3500WR
This one looks nice, and the interior is very luxurious, but there are much cheaper options that perform well enough. The tyres are way too thin and on alloy wheels. You hit a pothole with those and you got a cracked or bent wheel. It’s fast, and one of those very prestigious cars that humans always covet. That means car thieves might get interested in it. It’s also at the lower end of the cars tested when it comes to reliability.
Fleet Industries Terraptor PPK
Another thin tyred and alloy wheeled car. But it has exactly the kind of looks I’m after. Performs and handles well enough, and the interior is well thought out. Feels mostly a quite sensible choise, It’s just a bit on the expensive side for the kind of performance and features it offers.
Finally a car with tough steel wheels and enough rubber on them! Another inline 6 with just enough oomph to move it at an adequate pace, but it’s somewhat economical. Loud though. Scary roll angle of over 6 degrees in high speed turns, but it’s quite comfortable to sit in.
It’s one of the smallest cars we looked at. First and foremost it’s obviously way more economical compared to the bigger cars. I can fit in it comfortably with 2 body guards and a driver, so it’s not TOO small. It has the kind of looks I’m after and at 29000 bucks it’s very affordable but it’s just lacking in durability and safety. It has some neat security gadgets but they don’t help in a high speed crash. If I would only need it for city driving, it would be a serious contender.
armored kei vehicle
No. I would have to be loaded in the trunk to be able to fit. Undignified. I’d also expect a car that looked like that to be much better off road.
A proper offroader, this one is gigantic. Fitting my box in won’t be a problem, that’s for sure. But do I really need something quite like this? No. It’s at the other extreme end of the scale from some of those cars reviewed that would only be good in a city. This one would only be good outside of cities. And I’m not sure if I want to travel in something that looks like a military vehicle. Sure it’s gonna be the toughest THING out there but too much is too much.
Mosley L31P3 6.5
This is another very prestigious car that might attract thieves or other unwanted attention. It’s very spacious with only 4 seats in such a large car, so each seat gets a lot of room. Good for converting the back for my box, but unnecessary. Their advertising boasts with their V12 engine but in the end, it’s still not close to being the fastest one of the cars tested. It is plenty fast enough, though. Feels very solidly built. Sturdy high quality wheels. Ok economy. Mark this one as a maybe, even though it’s unnecessarily garish.
ACA Corona Custom
Now this is a gangster car if I’ve ever seen any! It’s basically a hot rod with armor. Too bad my men use Jatimatic and MAC-10 instead of Tommy guns. They’d look out of place in it. I love it, it speaks to my nature, but it’s not what I actually need right now. I’ll take a note of it, maybe I’ll save up some extra and buy one later just for fun. Maybe export it out of this planet if I can ever contact my people out there again…
DMV Impact Guardian
There are a couple other similar cars but this seems like the best overall example of this style of car; functional but classy. At least on the outside. Nice sunroof extending to the back, but otherwise the comforts are a bit lacking. Again with the fancy gadgets like smokescreen and stuff I’m not sure I really need, but you never know. I hear these things are very reliable and well built, but I think it would be better with a slightly smaller but turbocharged engine. Actually I would love it as a diesel, but for some reason the humans of this world have not invented diesel yet.
Bogliq Convoy Deluxe
Another big thing. A slow big thing. I like the looks of it, but it just doesn’t perform well enough, especially considering how much gas it uses. And of course it has the same issue than with that other gigantic beast we saw earlier. A cool and scary thing to see coming, but I don’t really need something quite like it.
JHW Atlantic “620X” By A.V.L.
A people carrier is actually a quite good basis to go on. I can have the middle row to myself and be surrounded by body guards on both the front and back. That sliding door helps with loading my box in. It’s not nearly the fastest one out there and the handling is just mediocre, but what it does it manages with decent fuel economy and reliability. This has so much potential that I’ll mark this one as a maybe, mostly because it’s a couple thousand bucks under budget so we might beef it up a bit. It basically just needs to be a bit faster.
It would be slightly difficult to fit my box in. Is this a rally car? It looks like you’d expect it to be at least somewhat quicker. Interestingly it’s the only car with a 5 speed manual gearbox that we’ve tried out. Most of the other ones are 6 speed automatics. Soft hydropneumatic suspension with a long travel and high ride height. Rolls like a 2CV. One of the more economical choises, but it’s again something that might attract thieves and is not quite what I have in mind.
This car gives me similar feelings than that mobster rod we saw earlier. Mark it as “buy one later”, but for this purpose… wait, hmm. Damn, it will attract too much attention! It’s so loud, too! This one would be great for drag racing. I’ll have to try to put aside wants and focus on the needs.
The loudest car tested. The two baffled mufflers won’t silence it much on a 5.75 inch tailpipe coming from a screaming inline 6. Otherwise a nice people carrier setup again, comfortable and roomy enough while having the good performance and durability I need. It even has proper tough wheels unlike most of these. Maybe we could even detune it a bit to make it quieter. The styling is quite weird, though. Not in a way that would instantly turn me off but it’s certainly different. I’ve seen enough, put that on top of the maybe-pile.
JHW Atlantic “620X” By A.V.L. It just seems like the most well thought out overall package. Not too expensive to buy or use, and it’s got so much room. Go get one in black, Carlos.
Scores in order: