Don’t worry, I will carry on the torch of the AWD subcompact ute/hot hatch WTF-mobile 
2 Likes
Posted on ScumTree 14/4/17
FSBO ASBO
2061 Ute 4 sale. Just of leese not stolen
God work turk for tardsman and dally driver
goes round like the clap runs 12.5 Qatar mile
TOTALLY NOT STOLLEN
call or send telegraph
3 Likes
2013 Bowles-Noyce ‘Factory Lorry’
The story behind this vehicle is a little murky. While it has been confirmed by experts to be a genuine product of Bowles-Noyce, whether it was an experimental step into developing an ultra-luxury ute or simply a way of recycling left over parts to help service the BN factory may remain a mystery since the company is remaining tight lipped. Notably, fit and finish (if not design) approaches typical BN production vehicles, so a lot of effort was put into the build, whatever its purpose.
What isn’t in question is the utility value, thanks in large part to the legendary 6.75 litre V8. It may not pack much power in this configuration, but huge torque is available at low RPM. This thing can haul pretty much whatever you can fit in the back (looks like you can mount a towbar as well). The interior is somewhat stripped down from luxury levels, with regular leather seats from the FMW E series (their current parent company) and an ‘aftermarket’ double DIN infotainment system.
I slapped on some hub caps that I thought looked more appropriate than the plain steel wheels and I should also mention that it runs fine on 95 RON as I’ve been doing, but it’ll run better with 98 RON.
The price is $38345.50 for this unique and practical piece of automotive history, take it or leave it.
6 Likes
I think mine’ll be coming soon
EDIT: nvm it won’t. I don’t seem to be able to make anything worth strops time, plus it died and didn’t save my car either way so whatever.
That’s funny, my figures come out a few hundred dollars cheaper than yours.
Odd. BTW I think the engine name might be wrong, I guess you would have picked that up (Family 3 instead of CSR38 - Leedar). I also should have put the year as 2012, but too late for that. 
Eh, don’t worry about it. The Engine name saving issue affects me all the time, drives me insane!
Okay, the deadline has passed. I’ve looked at all the entries and they all seem to pass muster.
I have confirmed entries from:
@abg7
@AirJordan
@apocalypticinfinity
@BobLobLaw
@Conan
@DeusExMackia
@doncornaldie
@Dragawn
@HighOctaneLove
@JohnWaldock
@koolkei
@LaffingHyena
@Leedar
@LordLetto
@lordvader1
@Madrias
@mikonp7
@Mythrin
@nialloftara
@oppositelock
@phale
@rcracer11m
@Rk38 @szafirowy01
@TheBobWiley
@thecarlover
@theElt
@TR8R
Now that I’m not accepting any new entries, I can at least show you where everybody stands in terms of raw values. Colour coding is determined by a scale unique to each parameter. The spreadsheet is shown below. Please let me know if the values are significantly wrong!
Also please feel free to tell me if the names of the vehicles, or the company, need correcting. I’m missing a few.
If you haven’t yet uploaded an ad you have 24 hours to do so as I’ve written most of the judgements, just have to spin it into proper review format.
Edit: just so everybody knows, I have no fucking idea what Tesla’s going to buy yet 
That’s what I get for devising a round mechanic that encourages maximum diversity.
10 Likes
My ute is produced by the company “Whitworth” (akin to Holden or Ford, whatever, it’s really just a generic Australian brand name) They’re a part of BKOO (My generic American brand, akin to GM). The model is also very creatively called “Ute”. 
My ute is extremely generic. 
Presenting the Mott Works Rage
Presented to you is a brand new Mott Works Rage V6B. Powered by a 2.9L V6 engine utilizing VVT/L to give you large amounts of torque throughout the rev range while also returning 32mpg.
also highest purchase price for me so woohoo. Guess thats what i get for submitting a super ute
3 Likes
As you can see from the scores, there are very few entries that don’t have some glaring deficiency in them. Of course, some factors are more important than others. So let me tell you how we break it down:
As implied by the request that spawned the original ute, the life of a ute in all its diversity can be broken down into various factors:
- Weekday - how good is this as a daily driver
- Weekend - how much fun can you have with it, either by going bush etc. or else driving it enthusiastically
- Hauling - quite important, this, having a tray kind of implies you want to carry stuff, and as I said multiple times, Tesla carries lots of heavy stuff
- Value - how badly this is going to set Tesla’s hypothetical house deposit back
And there’s one value specifically for Tesla, being the eccentric retro head she is:
- Oldskool - whether the vehicle is vintage, or failing this, appears such
As a hint, if the vehicle fails to achieve a minimum as a hauler, it’s out immediately. And by minimum, I mean being able to handle that half ton block of concrete that Tesla was carting around when her ute broke down. The daily driving and the value would be the next most important part. The weekend bit and the oldskool factors would probably be less weighty, though they could certainly prove to be the tie-breaker in these instances.
6 Likes
My ute stacks up better than I expected (although I’m guessing almost all the other entries have better sprint times 
). I was originally trying to build a frugal-mobile like phale and TheBobWiley, but it got too boring and I decided to go for my original joke idea of a Rolls-Royce ute. The handicap of using a replica engine turned out to actually yield at least one advantage: the best utility score. 
i’m smack dab in the middle of the pack in everything
YAY FOR BEING AVERAGE
Not quite: you got 2nd best safety! 
Quebec is the model name, Utility S is the trim
ayyy, my car is not the worst in any way!!!
Props to @DeusExMackia for combining the 2nd worst fuel economy with the 3rd lowest cost of ownership. 
2 Likes
The spreadsheet clearly shows Smooth motors did not prepare their UTE to be top trumps favourite…
I did not use spreadsheet provided by strop to check the scores, just wanted to put out something different and smooth 
Hauling might finish my chances…
Looks like all the important stuff’s in order.
As for the comparison of stats, looks like mine’s fairly average, though lacking in some ways. Not entirely unexpected.
I just submitted a car i had pre built didnt even do any special tuning for this so i doubt ill do well but im interested in the specifics of why
On the latest evidence, I don’t expect to actually win this round… or even make the first cut… but at least my ute has quite a few things going for it. It’s based on a car platform, after all, and a sporty version at that, albeit one that is comfortable, safe and economical.
I briefly thought about submitting an older car, with an older body, but wasn’t sure if I could make the resulting entry as competitive as the modern ute I eventually entered.