what are you talking about mate, this has massive potential to be douched up.
DAT AIRSCOOP AND FAKE CF TRIM. AND THOSE BLINKERED HEADLIGHTS. THIS THING MUST DO OVER 9000 MPH
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hoooooookay… i stand corrected.
LMAO it’s not that often i found something that genuinely made me laugh on the internet
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Now that we’ve kicked off, let’s mix it up a bit so we don’t spend the next several days on debating how prone various cheap runabouts are to being modded in wildly inappropriate ways (still can’t find any modded 9th gen Civic Hatches, btw.)
SL-65 AMG
Disregarding the fact this particular example was tuned by MKB, I’m giving this a solid 9. Expensive, luxury hot sports coupe that guzzles fuel and is generally owned by people who a) can afford a Mercedes b) buy Mercedes. It’s a high-end Mercedes. I know a lot of douches who own Mercedes, which either makes me biased, or it gives me solid evidence.
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if you’re talking about attitude and general driving styles. then i do agree. but maybe not 9. it’s just rather an uncommon car anyway, and to find one modified is even rarer.
edit: okay. i’ll give it a 6.5/10
i think it has to be a common car, and easily modifiable to get more than 7 from me.
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Don’t forget to give it a number to show us a reference point!
B
Douche level 10/10, you cannot drive this vehicle without attracting attention towards yourself and you take up 3 1/4 of the road most of the time, you only buy these if you want attention directed towards you. They are just obnoxiously big and I could not think of a vehicle that is douchey straight off of the production line
Disclaimer: This is my dads Hummer and he really likes it because of the presence on the road, yes ladies and gentlemen my dad is a bit of a douche 
Disclaimer 2: my dad is actually a decent person who happens to like the Hummer H2
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Re: The Douche Meter - #7 by koolkei
@koolkei Interesting argument. But what about those cars that people buy because of their exclusivity? Is there not a bit of douchiness in that? Or is that something else, like being an afficionado, or being an enthusiast?
Re: The Douche Meter - #11 by CadillacDave
Ding ding ding we have a winner! H3 definitely gets 10 from me too for the following reasons:
- Averages like 1mpg
- Why park properly when you can park WHEREVER THE HELL YOU WANT
- It’s a Hummer made Glamorous for Thug Life rapper videos where you like to throw you cash around the back seat.
- Most popular form of stretch limo these days hired generally by the ultra douchiest of douchebag rich frat kids for their ultra douchey frat parties. How do I know how douchey these get? Because I lived on a college populated by super rich kids for a while (my education was free but the rent was exorbitant, and some of those kids got more pocket money in a week than my dad earnt in a year). I partook in some of those parties (I am not proud of this), but even I stopped short of the goddamn stretch Hummer.
On the note of rapper videos…
300c
I feel the douche is pretty strong with this one. At least 7/10, judging by its popular culture iconography.
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i don’t think just buying an exclusive car would make you a douche. it’s what you do to and with the car. at least, that’s my view on it.
I respectfully disagree with that, though I definitely give it douche points for a) being a VW b) being a hot hatch. That is to say, you can drive either and not gain any douche points, but by their powers combined…
That said I’d only give it a 4/10. Why? Because it still seeks to combine various compromises into a sporty package. The Golf, specifically, was the first model of the mould to succesfully popularise the sector.
That said, from Mk.III onwards, a definite sheen of increasing douche from its increasingly rampant fan base can be observed. It may be for this lot that poor TDi drivers who got hoodwinked by VW’s blatant lie campaign are so maligned.
If I give the GTi only 4/10, the R rates an easy 7, which may seem disproportionate considering I wouldn’t give a lot of dedicated sports cars a 7, but hey, this is a hot version of a hot version of a hatch. The douche factor exponentially rises.
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Which nicely leads us to the question if there even is such a thing as a non-douchey Hot Hatch.
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I’ll let others score for now, but let’s take a selection from the Top Gear website’s list of 10 most powerful:
Renault Megane Renaultsport Trophy-R
Vauxhall Astra VXR
Seat Leon Cupra
Audi S3
Volkswagen Golf R
Honda Civic Type R
BMW M135i
Ford Focus RS
Audi RS3
Mercedes-AMG A45
… nope, reads like a column in The Douche Weekly.
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Maybe the older ones? Only because they’re now classic cars, and I don’t believe there’s a douchey classic car…
Nissan Qashqai
Douche Rating: 6/10. I maintain that there are owners of these cars that are completely fine, but some drive around like absolutle idiots. I’m fairly sure I will offend some people here, but I’ve never seen a car that is driven so badly so regularly. I’ve been tailgated by these things, I’ve seen them speeding, plenty don’t use indicators and many don’t have any concept of spacial awareness.
And at the end of the day, this is a hatchback on stilts made to do school runs. What in that description gives anyone the authority to not obey basic road manners and requirements?
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The fact that description essentially translates to “not quite rich enough Soccer Mom?”
The actual Rich Soccer Mom club includes the likes of the Range Rover Evoque, Porsche Cayenne Turbo… you get the idea.
Douches only make up half the shitty drivers in the world. The rest drive Nissans.
Speaking of which, the most douche thing I have seen in months was a Nissan Primera Diesel with a broken exhaust and some snapback wearing asshat driving from the backseat and blasting terrible german rap. And yes he also drove like he was trying to evade the police (he probably WAS trying to evade the police).
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That’s interesting, because Nissan drivers over here are a mixed bunch (as are Nissan’s cars), sure. I get irritated by the occasional Qashqai and Juke, but I rarely have trouble with the likes of the far more common Micra. Go into the right/wrong area and you’ll come across the wannabe boy racer Pulsar club. Then the douche meter climbs rapidly.
Or, try taking the freeway home late at night and almost get cleaned out by the local JDM hoon event, which will almost invariably involve a Skyline (R32-34), an Evo (any generation except X), and/or an S14. Two of which are Nissans 
Douche rating: Solid 8 or 9/10
Why? Well. In my opinion, it gives a false impression of sportiness and speed. It’s supposed to be a sporty version of the Astra, and of course requires three extra letters to confirm that it is extra sporty (GTC).
HOWEVER
EVERY SINGLE MODEL of this car does 0-60 in over 7 seconds. The slowest models being the 1.6 diesel equipped ones, with 0-60 times ranging from 11.0 to 11.6 seconds. On the flipside, the quickest models are the ones fitted with the 200HP 1.6 Turbo. These all accelerate from 0-60 in 7.3s.
To sum it up, for £22,075 (approximately), what are you getting?
A car that isn’t even hardly fast in the traffic-light grand prix, let alone any real track.
A pig of a car that is around 1.4 to 1.5 tonnes.
A car that I’ve never seen driven by anyone but chavvy single moms who have them on lease.
A car that has an interior with a similar look and feel to an Vauxhall that is over a decade old…
And so on.
It’s properly sporty brother, the Astra OPC, is actually pretty good as it has all the required sporty bits like bucket seats and such, but that’s already a shitload more expensive from what I’ve seen.
Feel free to dispute my claims.
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We have a lot of “Imitation sporty cars” in the US as I call them, and while the entire Vauxhall brand does not exist over here, that car does seem pretty douchey.
I would put it at a 7, because it’s not the most douchey thing in the world, but it’s getting there, and if something claims to be sporty, it better be sporty.
I agree with your assesment, but we should not be looking at the new Astras…
The old ones are magnets for imbeciles.
Particularly these three:
The SRI, the Estate and the old GTC.
The SRI’s are driven by boneheads who think the spolier makes the car faster (0-60 in 8.5 seconds, as average as it gets), the Estate’s tend to get tragically modified by people who think they’re driving some budget Slamvan or an M3 Touring replica and the GTC’s are driven in much the same way described by @Microwave, except its made even more ridiculous when the driver is trying to drive ‘quickly’ but could only get a diesel engined model, meaning it sounds like a sloth trying to blow its nose.
And it’s specifically these models. Why. Why can a car that looks so dull (aside from the brand new one which doesn’t look half bad) be attractive to such idiotic people.
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I could’ve written about those models, and I was going to, but I felt that the newer model made more sense because you can’t buy them for like £500.
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