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The Kinda Grand Tour [FINALE]


#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post

The story so far: After managing to somehow travel into the future, our boys have snapped back to reality and are now where they actually are meant to be.
This is otherwise known as “I’m naive and thought were way further ahead in the journey than we actually were”

With the sun setting, the little Merna continued to saunter down the western edge of Washington state. James had wacked on the “Evening Driving” playlist and had set the mood perfectly.

“Dammit James, this song is so perfect for this!” said Martin, still driving.
“Hence why I chose it” James replied, proudly. “How tired are you feeling Seb?”
“Yeah, I’m starting to yawn” he said, sitting in the back with the faint orange light catching the details in his face. “I’m assuming we want to stop fairly soon?”
“I certainly do, ha!” said Martin, “and the car will too, fuel gauge is almost in the red”


With the Olympic mountains now behind them, the boys pulled into Hoquiam, a quite town with two bridges and a mini airport. Martin filled up the tank while Seb and James got dinner out of the boots.
“Check these out! Pre-made pasta pots!” said James as though he were advertising them.
Seb paused. “Wow James, those are great” he said sarcastically.
“Well excuse me, if you’re not in the mood for my great cooking, you can go buy your pack of e-numbers from the shop” he returned.
“Eh, true”
“Martin, do you want green pesto and cheese or spicy bolognese for dinner?” James called.
“Er” Martin said, placing the pump back in its place, “the pesto please”
“Good choice” James said to himself.


The boys sat in the car and ate, reflecting on the day. “I’d say we’ve done very well so far” said Seb, “even if we have no idea about pacing and what not”
“Does that really matter though?” said Martin “It’s the taking part, remember”
Seb chuckled. “And I’m driving tomorrow I guess?”
“Yoouuu bet you are!” said Martin.
“Good stuff. Nice pasta by the way James”
“Thanks” James said, stuffing in another mouthful. “And what about tonight? I’d like to find a hotel or even motel if we can”
“Mmmm” Martin thought, “I say we keep going for a bit and see if we can spot what any other teams doing. I know the Maesima and that Ardent aren’t too far ahead of us, or weren’t too far ahead of us”
“Good shout” said James. “So, hotel if we can find one, camping if we can’t”
“Yeah” Martin said uneasily. He hated camping.


I’ll RP to catch up in a bit. Things do happen. There will be an incident when the car stops to refuel, because getting Kai to stop driving when he’s in endurance driving mode will probably be like prying the wheel out of his cold dead hands, but no way Strop is sleeping in the same car that Kai has been driving for 6 hours straight.


My apologies, yes… please PM when you want to make a POI stop or if you want to specify an overnight place that is not the default. I probably read it but forgot to mark it down.

@yurimacs - sleeping on the side of the highway isn’t allowed (state patrol would make you move), but the default overnight point for the night (Fort Stevens State Park) has a campground, and you could sleep in-car there. You’re easily close enough to get there in the next time segment.


team 1'); drop table participants; --

Introduction  |  Previously

Friday, 6pm-8pm

Arriving at Queets Trading Post, WA. Da Wei is still dozing.

Frank: Wake up, man. We’ll take a short break, then you’re driving for the rest of the day.

Da Wei : oh damn we’re at the fuel station already? i meant to wake up before we got into the town

Frank: We’re in Queets. You’ve slept for a bit over an hour. looks around This place couldn’t fit better into the scenery.

Da Wei: right. you get gas. and i’ll get some photos. hahaha. just kidding. i’ll fetch us some snack and drink. and i may take a bit since i’m also gonna take a few photos. so if you’re done refueling just take a rest in the car. i still need to check the electrical systems too anyway.

Frank: Alright. I also need to stretch my legs for a bit. Concerning the electrics, didn’t have problems so far but you can never be sure.

Da Wei went to some high places to takes some nightly pictures for a while and then went inside the trading post. meanwhile frank could be seen doing some warm up moves to stretch his body under the gas station lights. about 5 minutes later Da Wei comes back to the car to find that Frank is playing some games on his phone sitting down in front of the gas station store

Da Wei : Here you go. i had mine first to i can take a look at the car

After putting the food to the side of Frank, Da Wei walked back to the car and opened the hood to inspect the alternator and other electronics. He can bee seen walking a few times between the front of the car and getting something from the trunk, and Frank lazily eating his food due to being tired.

Da Wei : hey frank. you ready yet?

Frank: We can go if you’re ready. I’ll finish eating that sandwich in the car.

A few miles south

Frank: Have you thought of where we’re going to sleep yet? I’ve heard most of the teams will stay at Fort Stevens Camping Ground.

Da Wei : hmm. if we also go there, at what time do you think we would get there?

Frank: Types some stuff into his already opened laptop About 3 hours from now. So 10pm-ish, if we don’t need to stop somewhere for long.

Da Wei : yeah we’ll sleep there, and get up at say, 5am or 6am?

Frank: 5am sounds good to me. So we can have some breakfast, take down our tents and get on the move again. I finally want to pass some of the other teams.

Da Wei : okay then. you just relax for now.

Morale: +2 (+3 total)
Fatigue: +3 (+8 total)


Team DMV Speed Stars

After setting out following the driver’s meeting, the team figured they would try to cannonball as much as they could. However, after many miles of hard driving and clunky gearshifts, Felix grows ever lethargic and fed up of his friends mocking his shifting. He gets up to 5th gear as quickly as possible to put this out of mind and blasts rock music to distract Dennis. Ethan is alternating between monitoring their route and playing flash games to pass the time over his laptop.

Ethan: Just keep on this road and we’ll be good.

Felix: yawns K. turns music up

Ethan: Too bad we couldn’t bring a coffee maker.

Dennis is drifting in and out of sleep in the front passenger seat.

Dennis: wakes up When’s the next stop?

Ethan: The nearest stop is just a few miles ahead. We can crash there. Then someone else can take the wheel if need be.

Felix: Yeah, I’ll hit the next rest area we pass. I’ve had to pee for the past 30 miles anyway.

Ethan: So we rest up today and get back on the road after a quick inspection.

Dennis: I’ll take over the next shift if Felix isn’t up for it.

Felix: I should also call home and say how we’re doing. My sisters bursted out laughing when they saw it first pull up.

Dennis: Maybe if you didn’t keep grinding gears…

Felix: Hey, you messed up in front of them too.

Dennis: Yeah, but you’re the only one of us who drives stick on a daily basis. Way more embarrassing from you.

Felix: The clutch is kinda bad, remember?

Dennis: Oh yeah. Still thinking of how I’m gonna spend the $50.

Felix: Your SUV will go through it in one fill up.

Dennis: So will your “speed machine”.

Ethan: Dennis, your Highlander averages 19.83 MPG. Felix, your CC averages 23.7. Face it, the only one of our cars with good fuel economy is my Prius.

Dennis: Yeah, but the downside is you’re driving a Prius. Easily one of the least cool cars ever made. How do you expect to draw positive attention in that thing?

Ethan: I’d like to point out that I’m the only one of us who has a girlfriend. Who by the way, said my car is cute.

Felix: That’s cause it’s tiny.

Ethan: And cheap to run. And remind us Felix, how much did your new throttle body alone cost?

Felix: You’re a dick.

Ethan: Doesn’t change that I’m right.

Dennis: If your lover’s quarrel is about done, the exit’s coming up.

Felix: Well shit.

He merges onto the entrance for the stop.


Team Twin-Snail

Day 1, Stage 3

Luke cruised along at slightly-above highway speed, the headlights of the Minerva glowing brightly in the approaching dusk, the engine purring along as they cannon-balled toward Ruby Beach, running fine as they weren’t asking it to accelerate too much. The radio was playing some classical music (Luke’s choice) as they headed down the highway.

Eventually, Luke signaled their retreat from the highway and over to Ruby Beach, where they parked up and set about doing what needed to be done. Which, for Linda, Amy, and Scott, was to go walk off seven-stinking-hours in the car before getting around to lounging on the beach. It was a bit on the cool side to swim, so they settled for basic relaxation.

Which left Luke with his form of relaxation, which was to be busy doing something, and in this case, that was repairing the air problem the car had. He unlocked the trunk, left it open, and grabbed the box of gaskets, the spray can of electronics cleaner, and a few clean shop rags as he moved toward the front of the car. He set his supplies on the roof, pulled the hood release for the car, then walked to the front of the old Minerva.

“Whoever designed this hood should be shot.” Luke grumbled, lifting it up three inches, sliding it toward him, then leveraging it upward in a style similar to an old SAAB. “Overly complicated, and it doesn’t make working on this backwards engine any easier.” Luke walked back to the trunk, grabbed his wrench kit and more shop rags, then got to work removing the throttle bodies from the left and right intake manifolds, followed by dismounting the MAF sensors for cleaning. It took Luke the better part of 30 minutes to clean everything, replace the gaskets, and swap the air filters, but eventually, he had it done. He closed the hood, put his supplies back in the car, then took a good look at the scenery.

“Views like this one are definitely worth the extra time. We can make up for this, I’m sure of that. And I think, definitely, that we’ll camp at Fort Stevens State Park once we get there.” Luke said.

“Camping sounds like fun.” Scott said. “And we’ve got tents.”

“And I brought my grill, and some charcoal.” Amy said.

“Yeah, but we don’t have any matches.” Linda replied.

“True, but this time, I brought a little something extra. I’ve got an oxy-propane torch, a soldering iron, a small-ish portable laser, and a couple of those cheap gas-station stick lighters.” Luke said.

“Wait a frickin’ minute, Luke. You brought a laser?” Amy asked.

“Well, I can use it to make parts fit that otherwise wouldn’t. Or weld things together, because I brought some filler rods.” Luke replied.

Amy rolled her eyes. “Of course, we all pack light and Luke brings a frickin’ laser along.”

“Well, it was either that, or one oxygen cylinder, one acetylene cylinder, and all the other assorted crap that goes along with setting up an oxy-acetylene welding/cutting torch.”

“Fair enough, if that’s your reasoning for doing that.”

They got back in the car, feeling… maybe not the most rested, but feeling better for not having been in the car for another hour.

“So, what’s the plan, Luke?” Linda asked.

“Shakedown. Make sure our repair’s solved this problem. And before we head out, we should probably close that trunk lid.” Luke said, before getting out and closing it. “After all, we’re in for misery if the tents blow away.”

With their total 60 minutes of rest depleted, they headed back to the highway for the last half hour of that stage.


Car: Throttle bodies cleaned, MAF sensors cleaned, throttle body gaskets replaced, new air filters fitted.

Team: Feeling bold. Time for a shakedown run.

MRL: +7 overall (+2)
FTG: +5 overall (No Change)

Mileage: 60 trip, 306 overall


Previous Post || Next Post

Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 1: 4-6pm

Still cruising down 101 South, still playing quality music. Approaching Ruby Beach, the next POI.

Bob: Hey guys, we are coming up on Ruby Beach, do we want to stop and take a short break?

Jason: Nah, let’s keep going, we should try and keep up a good lead near the beginning of the event so we can relax a bit more later.

Ryan: I can take over driving for today if you are too tired to go on.

Bob: I am fine for now, at least a few more hours anyway.

Day 1: 6-8pm

Jason: Slow down a bit, here comes Ruby Beach. I want to get a picture as we go by.

Jason: Awww, I was hoping we could see the beach from here… O well.

A little while later

Bob: The fuel gauge just went into the red, how far are we from a town where we could get some gas and a quick bite to eat?

Ryan: Looking at GPS Looks like there is a town called Hoquiam just a few more miles ahead, it should have gas and food. I would guess another 2 hours after that until we hit Fort Stevens State Park. I bet that is where most people are going to stop for the night.

Jason: Man, I am getting pretty tired, but it’s mostly because it’s boring just sitting. The scenery is beautiful around here though.

The edge of town comes into sight, a welcome break from the continuous forestry for these city boys, as nice as it was. As we rolled down the main road of the town we were on the lookout for a gas station and a place to grab some fast-food.

Bob: Hey there is a McDonalds across the street from a Mobil station… I don’t normally like McDondals, but this makes life easy and more importantly, fast. While I fill up you guys run over there and grab some food. I’ll take a double, or whatever it’s called there and some fries. I got some water I will drink so no soda for me.

As I pull up to a pump at the Mobil, Jason and Ryan jump out of the car and B-line for McDonalds, running across the street against the light. At least the traffic for was very little in this small town. A few minutes later they return.

Bob: Why is the bag of food so big? What did you guys order??

Ryan: Do you remember the 40 piece McNugget McDonalds use to have? Well, this one still has it! We got two!!! 80 nuggets son!!! $20!!! Also, your burger and a couple drinks for us.

Bob: May god have mercy on our arteries…

Everyone hops back in the car and we start divvying up the nuggets to eat while we get back on the road. After crossing the Chehalis River the city started to trail off once again, taking us back into the forest-scape of the Pacific Northwest and more serpentine roads. The small roads running for much of the length of this challenge stood in stark contrast to the wide open, flat, and straight roads we were accompanied to in central Ohio.

Bob: I have to admit, I love McDonalds nuggets.

Just two questions/clarifications, Morale and Fatigue are cumulative right? Also, Fatigue is team wide so changing drivers won’t do anything about reducing accident chances when the team is tired?

Morale: +7 (Still near the front of the pack and enjoying the lovely scenery)
Fatigue: +8 (Been driving all day and this driver’s seat, along with the blown shocks are not doing me any favors)


Team Mountain Pass

Friday, day one, 6pm - 8pm

Team Mountain Pass

The original plan was to stop at Ruby Beach but, since the end of day one was only a few hours later, I decided to forgo the stop and press onwards. Pierre had dozed off on the back seat having declared he was bored of the scenery and Andrew had taken over navigating duties. We had taken a poll and it had been decided that we would stay at a hotel at Fort Stevens; both Pierre and Andrew were over confined spaces by now!

The countryside is lovely here so it’s a shame I have to whizz past it but I would love to get a piston trophy with my name on it; I’d feel cooler than Lightning McQueen!!!

Distance covered (this session): 94 miles
Distance covered (total): 336 miles
Morale +1 (+7 total) The scenery gives my heart wings!
Fatigue +4 (+8 total) The hotel will provide a really comfy nest for the evening!!!



Brian’s notes for this leg:

We thought about stopping at Ruby Beach, but it was so close to the end of the first day that we abandoned that plan early on, instead continuing to drive on to Fort Stevens State Park. Time will tell if it proves to be the right decision… Although we are showing slight signs of fatigue, it’s not yet severe enough to cause much concern among us.


Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Friday, 8PM - 10PM

Weather Conditions: 57 degrees, mostly cloudy

All vehicles are on US101 South.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Tillamook Cheese Factory, Oregon Coast Aquarium.

Next Waypoint(s): Fort Stevens State Park, OR, Seal Rock, OR

TBDC: 42 mi OD: 383 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Team has stopped at Astoria Crest Motel in Astoria, OR. Team is tired and grateful to be stopped.

TBDC: 63 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 52 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 60 mi OD: 306 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park. “Shakedown” completed with no incidents of intake issues. Brake issues still persist.

TBDC: 47 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team refueled in Astoria, OR and is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 70 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +7 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 89 mi OD: 408 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team has continued on for a few more minutes, and elected to sleep at a motel in Seaside, OR.

TBDC: 60 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 108 mi OD: 448 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is continuing on…

TBDC: 57 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 54 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 350 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +2 Notes: Internal strife! Gasp, will the team survive? (stay tuned, for AS THE WHEEL TURNS!)

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 244 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -1 Notes: Team is currently asleep. (Camping: Ruby Beach)

@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 57 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint reached: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 61 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint reached: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 48 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint reached: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 80 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint reached: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 43 mi OD: 383 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: Stopped for the night at the Astoria Crest Motel in Astoria, OR.

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 73 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

TBDC: 66 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: Fort Stevens State Park. Team is overnighting at the Park.

The following cars are within visual range or in a pack:

None - all teams are idle right now except one.

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

Rick was tuned to the road. His eyes were closed, yet he could see the road from what noises came to his ears, and what vibrations he felt at his feet. The rhythmic low thump of the suspension for much of the last minute, he imagined, were the expansion joints on the Columbia River bridge. They had crossed in to Oregon, and not a moment too soon. A bad rattle and almost horn-like sound snapped Rick to attention. He looked to his left at Fuzz, whose eyes were wide open. His hands clutched the wheel in a white death grip.

“Pull off in town, Fuzz,” Rick yawned.

“I’m fine,” Fuzz protested, but was unable to suppress his own yawn.

“Doesn’t matter. Jen’s asleep in the back, I keep nodding off. We need to sleep.” Rick pulled out his phone and tapped in a quick search. “Here. Astoria Crest Motel.”

Fuzz complied without a protest. Rick knew that Fuzz wasn’t arguing simply because he wanted to rest as well, but didn’t want to admit it.

The Chancellor cruised up the hill in town to the quaint motel overlooking the Columbia. Jen muttered and swiped pathetically at Rick when he went to wake her, but in the end she got up and silently shuffled into the motel with the boys.


#Team Artiseros

Ernie realized that stopping right now when the waypoint is just was would be stupid

Ernie:Dammit! Probably better to continue driving i can probably see the sign going to Fort Stevens State Park

(Ernie turns on the engine)

Ernie drove away as every single second counts for Ernie was dozy

_Soon Ernie Arrived at Fort Stevens State Park and parked his car in an empty parking lot.

Ernie:It seems that other people are sleeping in their cars too,although others in a tent.I havent seen an Ardent though.Who cares when i just want to sleep right now.

Ernie reclined his chair to sleep knowing that he feels safe with the other cars there.

#Overall Stats

Overall fatigue: 10 (Ernie Starting to feel sleepy)

Overall Morale: 11 (nothing happening)


##Team Twin-Snail

Day 1, Stage 4

With the air intake system patched up, Luke knew it was time for a proper shakedown run. And it couldn’t really hurt to be a bit more aggressive for a bit of time, either. Luke looked at the car full of sleepy people, then decided out of nowhere to floor it.

Despite the Minerva being rather old and tired herself, the 3.6 liter V6 responded almost instantly to the sharp stab of the throttle, sending a bellowed roar down the single exhaust pipe and out through the split rear exhausts, snarling as it gathered speed. The transmission, despite being set up as a lazy luxury box, responded with slightly sharper, responsive shifts between gears, the speed climbing until Luke looked at the speedometer and realized, yeah, we’re kinda doing 110, so it was time to pull on the brakes and slow things up a bit.

Linda, Scott, and Amy were not quite as amused by Luke’s sudden aggressive burst of driving, and less amused by the squirmy brakes.

“Yeah, when we set off tomorrow, we’re looking for a shop that has fuckin’ brake pads if you’re going to keep doing that shit. A hundred-and-fucking-ten on the highway. In a car with squirmy brakes.” Amy snapped.

“I drove the Sinistra down the side of a cliff damn near with no brakes, and you’re worried about a highway blast in a car with just bad brakes?”

“This car doesn’t have gears you can drop it down into. Your choices are Drive and Low.” Amy retorted, glaring at Luke.

“Yes, but it has brakes, even if they’re not great. And besides, if I could find that damnable cable, I’d be able to tell the transmission what gear I wanted it in.” Luke said.

“Whatever. Let’s put in the cassette adapter and let Scott pick some fitting music to arrive by.” Linda said, tired of the light little fight in the car.

Luke prodded the adapter into the tape player, then handed the cable back to Scott.

“Rock or Metal?” Scott asked.

“I could go for some Godsmack right now. Voodoo if you’ve got it, or just pick something if you don’t.” Luke said.

Within seconds, the car was alive with music, though an annoying sound was bothering Luke.

Squeak clicky tick. Squeak clicky tick. Squeak clicky tick.

“Damn and blast it!” Luke yelled suddenly.

“What?” Amy and Linda yelled at the same time, having been startled by Luke’s outburst.

“There’s a squeaking bearing in the fucking tape player.”

Thankfully, before it could annoy Luke to his breaking point, they arrived at Fort Stevens State Park, where a hasty unpacking of the trunk happened, and tents were set up.

Amy set up the little grill, added some charcoal to it, and had Luke start a fire so they had something to cook by, and immediately, the little cooler that was full of once-was-ice-but-now-is-slush was opened and the burgers were removed from their icy bed, to be thrown on the hot grill and cooked to delicious perfection.

Scott wandered around, fulfilling his plan of giving ‘gifts’ to the teams he recognized that had trouble the last time. He wandered over to Team Mountain Pass and gifted them their spare fire extinguisher, with a note that read “From Twin-Snail, just in case it all goes up in smoke” taped to it, then found his way over to Team Southend or Bust, leaving them a small DC fan, much like you’d find in an old 70’s bus, with a note and a case of beer. “From Twin-Snail, in the event the lovely weather turns into hell.”

Linda saw Scott walking back with his stupid “I’ve done something and you don’t know about it” grin. “What’d you do? Please tell me you’re not stupid enough to be stealing shit from the other teams.”

“Wasn’t thieving, was giving gifts.” Scott said.

“Really? I thought you were joking when you said that in the driver’s meeting.” Luke grumbled out. “At least tell me that you gave them the small fire extinguisher and not the nice 20-pounder I had hidden between the back seat and the cargo net in the trunk.”

“Was the five-pounder you had tucked behind the box of spare gaskets.”

“At least it’s not a waste, then. Let’s just hope they see the humor in it and don’t go after us because you were being a jerk.” Luke said, before digging around in the bottom of the cooler full of slush.

“Packed this for you, Amy, so that instead of just making hamburgers, you could make cheeseburgers. Figured it’d be a bit of a morale booster.” Luke said, handing Amy the pack of sliced cheese, along with the burger buns.

“Thanks. So, where are you going to sleep?” Amy asked.

“You know me well enough to know I don’t sleep. But I’ll night-rest out here. Besides, my guess is at least one, or more, of the teams will want to talk with me.” Luke said, sitting near their charcoal grill and the small campfire they’d made, still wearing his combat boots and camo pants, showing his metallic blue paint off, as well as the silver accents. “But don’t worry, if anyone wants to talk, I’ll keep the conversations quiet so you three can sleep.”


Car: Needs brake work, but the hesitation seems to have gone for now. Even better, the Maintenance Required - Engine light has gone out.

Team: Getting some much needed rest after driving quite a long time.

MRL +8 overall (+1)
FTG +9 overall (+4)
Status: Resting

And if anyone wants to talk with Luke, feel free. His ‘night-rest’ is putting most of his internal systems into standby, mostly to keep them from breaking down quite as fast, so he’s still very much alert. Just don’t expect him to be up and walking, his hydraulic pumps are switched off to avoid wear and tear for just sitting there.


Team Bamford

We join our “heros” as negotiations break down in spectacular fashion…

“HOW MUCH FOR A F***ING ROOM?” bellowed Ken as they rolled into Seaside.

“All the hotels further down are around $300 a night” replied Phil, swiping like crazy on his phone.


“What about that one?” cut in Jason, taking Phil’s phone “It’s the worst motel here and it’s only just off to the left”

“That sounds better” said Ken as they rounded the corner and the motel came into view

“It looks like people die here on a regular basis” said Phil

“Good, we’re staying here, fingers crossed I die during the night”

It was a few moments later when the rooms had been booked, with Jason and Phil sharing a bed and Simon and Ken in two singles on the other side of the motel, that Phil revealed his masterstroke, having left a supply of meat and potatoes wrapped in tinfoil in the engine bay and the appearance of a small hotplate, the team settled down to a simple dinner.

“Is this cocaine?” asked Simon, who was looking through Phil’s supply of food in the boot of the car

“No, Pancake mix, I brought enough for four nights”

“You know, I’ll give you credit where it’s due boys, this hasn’t been as bad as I thought” smiled Ken

Later in the night, around 9:30, Ken and Simon were bunking down in their room.

The room was almost silent, bar the whine of an air conditioner

“Are those two partners?” asked Ken

Simon woke from his daydreaming “What?”

“Jason and Phil, you know, are they?”

“You must be really old fashioned” replied Simon

“Well I was just asking” said Ken

“Not that I know of, they’re just really good mates, why do you ask?”

“Because I’ve got to start thinking about my future and I want to know if I should update my will and include Phillip”

“Oh” replied Simon “Isn’t this a bit heavy of a subject right now?”

“I thought so too, but can you think of a better time than right now?”

“Not really”

“I’ll wrap it up then, it’s just, you’re in the will, I owe your family a lot for my success and I’d never forget that, Jason’s in there 'cos he’s flesh and blood and, well, I like Phil, I’ve known him for years and he means well enough, but he’s dumb, he goes into every situation with doe-eyed optimism and he always gets hurt and I never say anything good about him, so I want to do him right for once, I just happened to think he and Jason were partners”

“That’s sweet Ken, Phil would probably fly to the moon and back if you were nicer to him”

“He flies around enough as it is”

“What else can you expect? He’s a full blown optimist”

The two smiled, bridging a 60 year generation gap in some dank and dinghy motel room off the west coast of the other side of the world, silence fell again and in the distance, when the wind blew in the right direction, you could hear Phil walking around the Advance, talking to it about their day.

“Hear that?” asked Simon “That’s Bamford manager material outside”


9PM (ish)

Bill figured that he’d let Toni sleep in the back of the car, while he’d take the passenger seat, forcing what’s-his-name into the most uncomfortable night 's sleep he could imagine. Turns out, he screwed up. The drivers seat had recline, while his, well…didn’t. BURN!!!
Bill: Why the hell did they make this seat not a reclining type? Were the designers demented?
Wookiee: Psychic, maybe. You’ve got the warmest blanket, and I’ve got a steering wheel to contend with. Stop bitching.
Toni: I’m going to back up Wookiee here, Bill. You’ve been a dick at every opportunity, and tomorrow, we’re going to a camping store, and buying a tent. That way we can all get a better sleep. I can’t believe you didn’t pack a tent.
Bill: ME?! I didn’t organise this jaunt. Try pointing the finger in the right direction!
Wookiee: Talk to Toni like that again, and you wont…ever.
Toni: Drop it. Both of you. Sleep. NOW!


#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post

Southend or Bust crossed over the Astoria-Megler bridger long after it had gone dark, but the lights of the town guided them in a semi-romanticised way. Martin thought to himself, I swear we’ve been here before…
“What’s up Martin?” said Seb, having noticed his confused expression.
“I swear we’ve been here before. And we were talking about this bridge and the films its been in.”
Seb was now equally confused. “Er, right, sounds like some serious de ja vu”

Meanwhile, James had fallen asleep in the passengers seat, though thankfully the signposts to the park were obvious now. Martin grumbled as they arrived in the camping area, surveying the tents and cars already there.
“I am not in the mood to do this” he said to Seb.
“Mate, literally everyone else is doing this. You’ll be fine”
It made no difference. Martin despised camping.


With the tent set up and James finally awake once more, the boys were sat around outside the tent entrance.
“Oh man, can you guys smell that barbecue too?” said Martin, frustrated.
James looked desperate at the realisation. “Now I wish I’d bought some barbecuing gear. I could kill for a burger right now”.
“Oh goddammit I’m going to bed, can’t deal with this!” - James stormed inside.
Seb and Martin looked at one another. “Where the hell did that come from?” Seb whispered.
“Not getting his beauty sleep it seems” Martin returned, and the two laughed.
“Screw it, I think I’m gonna follow him” said Seb.
Martin grimaced. “Ugh, ok”.


It was about 40 minutes later. The other two were fast asleep, but he couldn’t get off; Martin swore tents just had this effect him. Time for a wander he reckoned.
Clambering out of the tent, he snuck around for a while until he noticed Luke of Twin Snail nursing a dying campfire, and came over.

Luke registered Martin’s problem immediatley. “Can’t sleep?” he said with a smile.
Martin smiled back. “How did you guess?”
He sat down. “Nah, I just hate camping, and tents, and sleeping outside in general”.
“Is that so?” asked Luke. “Well, I don’t sleep at all”
“No way!” said Martin, blissfully unaware that he was talking to an Android who also happened to be the CEO of Storm. “I’ve found the right guy then it seems”
Luke chuckled. “So, how’s the going going so far?”
“Good thanks” Martin replied, “a lot easier than the Roulette Runner and a lot smoother”
“Good to hear” said Luke in generic appreciation.
“I must thank you and your team for that exhaust last time, it saved our ears among other things”
_To be continued by @Madrias _


I remember well those squeaky heads in the tape players… Good times man, good times.

@BailsMackenzie hahaha damn that’s a classic bedtime conversation, right outta the generation gap playbook :joy:


Previous Post || Next Post

Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 1: 8-10pm

The long, slightly mountainous drive between Hoquiam and Raymond was beautiful but incredibly boring, leading to a lot more fatigue than expected. There was still an hour until Fort Stevens and Bob was definitely getting ready for a break.

Bob: I spy with my little eye… something… green…

Jason and Ryan: Trees…

Bob: …yes…

Bob: This road is so boring, at least when we were along the cost there were some breaks in the trees so we could see the ocean, this is just solid forest out here.

Bob: … o look a speed limit sign, I wonder why it’s…

Braking hard as the car comes around a bend in the road, confronted with suddenly stopped traffic.

Everyone: What the hell???

Bob: Looks like we made it to Raymond, there must only be a single road crossing the like two rivers that come together here.

A few minutes later traffic is moving again and a short while later we finally make it to the other side of town and are back up to speed.

Bob: Well that sure woke me up, almost crashing and all… They should really cut the trees down on the corner so it’s not just a blind corner.

Ryan: Why is the road going North-west again? I hate going in the wrong direction… stupid mountains.

Jason: Maybe we will get to see the ocean again! Pops open 3DS again

Ryan: Alright, time for some new tunes.

Ryan hooks the car’s aux cable into his phone and with a sly smile starts a song

Day 1: ~10pm

After a nice drive, mostly along the coast, Bob was starting to crash, 10 hours behind the wheel had not been kind and the monotonous landscape was putting him to sleep, a similar problem to the flat country drives in the Midwest. The only thing keeping him alert and awake were the constant twists and turns of the road. Arriving into Fort Stevens State Park, Bob was ready to collapse, but it seemed Ryan and Jason had other plans…

Bob: Alright Ryan, haul out the tents, I am beat… too tired to even eat.

Ryan: Look at how many people are pulling out there tents… looks like just about everyone is going to spend the night here…

Bob: No… noooooooo, I know what you are thinking… If we are going to do that, YOU are going to drive… I am done!

Ryan: Fair enough, you can take a little nap in the back, Jason and I have already planned our route for the night. You don’t need to worry about anything.

Piling back into the car, we set off once more, trying to put some distance between us and the other competition. This was a race after all, and we intended to win.

Morale: +9 (We are trying to put some distance between us and everyone else)
Fatigue: +14 (Been driving all day and this driver’s seat, along with the blown shocks are not doing me any favors)



6p-8p: Marc Levinstein took over driving, Blake Worden decided to stretch out in the back while Luigi Fillipelli has taken the front seat.


Marc: Damn, I swear that fuel gauge is the fastest thing about this car!

Blake: Give it a rest, we’ve got plenty of fuel to reach Astoria, we’ll fill up there.

Luigi: He can’t help it, it’s in his nature to be concerned about fuel economy. Or rather how much money he has to spend on gas.

Marc: Well, we can’t all drive Vespas and Isettas. Not to mention those hideous little Fiats.

Luigi: Hey, if Fiats are such lousy cars, why did they bring them over here? Huh?

Marc: Because they forgot that Fiat pulled out of the United States twenty years ago for a reason.

Blake: Yawn I’m thinking we should also look for a place to sleep for the night.

Marc: Way ahead of you, Fort Stevens State Park. Most of the people are camping there for the night, I figure that’s good enough for us.

Luigi: What are we thinking for dinner?

Blake: I packed a wok in with the gear. I figure we could make stir fry. We could call today…

Marc: Stir Friday?

Blake: Damn, that’s actually better.

Luigi: What were you gonna call it?

Blake: Never mind.

(The team arrives at Astoria and locates a gas station. They refuel and check all fluids. Satisfied that all is well, they press on.)

Arrival at Fort Stevens State Park

Blake: Okay, I’ll get dinner started, Marc, set the tents up, Luigi, get us some water.

Marc: Right.

Luigi: On it.

Blake: Man, this is different from the camping trips I took the kids on. No complaining.

(The three men enjoyed a filling dinner, got everything cleaned up, and went to bed for the night.


#Team Flaming Fart Cannon

Introduction | Previous Post

###Friday, 6-10pm

Having been soundly defeated by Luke’s train horn (get it??? :smiley: ), Kai and Strop sat in stunned silence. Well, silence, because their ears were ringing and they couldn’t hear shit. What was actually playing was this:

“YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, YOU DO THE SPEED LIMIT, YOU GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY” Kai yelled, still not quite back to normal, before shifting down and kicking it up a notch. One nice thing about American highways compared to Melbourne was that there were a hell of lot less of those idiots who thought the overtaking lane was for driving at exactly the same speed as everybody else despite the signs clearly stating otherwise. Of course, Australia wasn’t huge on the ‘flow of the traffic’ rules, either.

Before long, they were well out of sight of everybody else and not passing anybody they’d seen on the ferry.

“We seem to be in front,” Strop remarked, jostled in his seat as Toothless wove through traffic on the fast lane, slow lane, and sometimes the runoff. Four, five, six hours of this constantly was starting to wear on him as the sun started to dip over the horizon.

“Awww yeah, winning!”

“What I meant was, I think we should take a break.” Kai’s head snapped around like a suprising boxing glove out of a booby-trapped wall.

“But. We are winning.”

This was the moment when Strop realised what it was like to sit in the same seat as a race-driver in race mode who only knew one mode: attack. There was no impish glint in Kai’s eye now, it was just a burning fire, or molten lava running through his blood and consuming everything in its path. There would be no stopping him, not before either he, or the car died, and even then Strop would probably have to pry the wheel out of his cold dead hands.

Oh well, nothing for it but to grit his teeth and wait this one out. What to do when they inevitably had to stop, however, that was another matter entirely.

MRL: 7+
FTG: 8+

Headbanging with the bass pumping and watching the coast and forest go by was a great feeling. Headbanging while one’s bladder was overfull was not the best. Then there was the roads being so docile and mostly straight and stuff (even if it wasn’t). And then there was the fact that Toothless didn’t have the best legroom ever and Strop had long legs.

“Kai, are we gonna stop anytime soon, the fuel indicator is on.”

“It’s good, it’s always like that!”

“No, I mean, we gotta stop soon, my ass hurts and I’m pretty sure I got a fucking DVT and I’m about to piss on your upholstery.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“I won’t, if you pull the fuck over!”

Just then, the soundtrack died. “Out of Charge”, the UE Boom intoned, before falling definitively silent.

“And we’re out of tune juice and I gotta charge the battery.”

“Mmmm…” Kai’s face fell abit at the loss of the tunes. “Then charge em in the lighter, right?”

“Kai, if we run out of fuel, I’m not walking twenty miles to the gas station.”

“Okay okay! We’ll fill up at the next town.”

“We’re currently passing through an entire town! And I’m hungry! And there’s like a nice harbour view and shit!”

“God you’re a whiner! We’ll fill up at the next town!”

On the narrow bridge passing through Aberdeen, Toothless started veering, perilously close to thumping the barriers and oncoming traffic. Inside, Strop and Kai were having a slap fight.




The 101 turned into a city road in Aberdeen, but Kai kept his foot down, screeching through the left hander ignoring the signals, barging past the dinner time traffic on the on-ramp, and onward. And so it went, for the next half hour, for there was no town for a good long while, until Raymond. And then there it was, a Chevron sign! Strop pulled Kai by the collar.

“FUEL. PISS. FOOD. NOW. Or I eject the gearbox by shifting us into reverse.”

“OKAY OKAY Geeze.” At this point, Toothless had decided for the both of them, for it too had enough. The engine sputtered, coughed, and then expired.

“Great, nice one.” Strop grumbled. “Probably all the crap and bilge and sludge from 15 years of service just got sucked into the injectors and fouled them up.” He unbuckled, and didn’t even bother closing the door before sprinting for the outhouse.

“Oh you,” Kai simpered, before sauntering off. “You’re so grumpy when you’re about to piss yourself.”

Several minutes later, the car was in a bay, Kai at the pump and washing the bug splattered windows, and Strop was inside buying food and accessories. The moment Strop had finished the tasks at hand, a bolt of realisation struck him, and he blasted through the doors at full pelt, only to see Kai clambering back into the drivers seat.

“OH NO YOU DON’T MUTHAFUCKA” he yelled, drawing the stares of just about everybody else at the station. But by the time they looked up, he was already halfway across the station, homing in on Kai, who had just sat down, was putting the key in the ignition and was just about to close the door.

There was no hesitation. With a warcry (whinny?) Strop dove headfirst through the passenger window, face and shoulders smashing into Kai, who yelped as they blasted back out through the driver’s door and tumbled out, ending up tangled in the pump hoses.

“What the fuck man, my jacket!” Kai protested, although his beloved red MEPHISTO jacket, the custom item that the company had made along with the gift of his infamous scarlet hypercar killer, was several years worn and already pretty tatty so no real harm done. By the time he’d finished thinking about that, Strop had prised open his fingers, swiped the keys, tied him up in the ropes just a bit more to slow him down, and esconced himself in the driver’s seat, where he had shut and locked the door, and was in the process of putting fresh batteries in the UE Boom.

“Get in the passenger seat,” Strop commanded.

“Hey, no fair, you stole the only good seat!” Kai put his best pouty face on, the one that Bianca couldn’t resist, so she merely mashed her palm into his face every time he pulled it.

Strop, however, was not Kai’s girlfriend. “Get in the fucking passenger seat.”

Kai folded his arms and huffed. “No.”

In the background, Strop’s pointy ears acutely informed him that the crowd, observing the mayhem and confusion plus the confrontational nature of their mega douche car had generated the presumption that he was a criminal thug, Kai was a hostage, and they should call the cops. Or something. He hoped nobody here was armed, but hey, this was the US of A, so probably everybody was. Fuck.

“The cops are gonna come and this car sticks out worse than a cross-dressing vegan Satan-worshipping African-American in Mississippi, so get your ass in here or I’m leaving you behind.”

“Let the cops come, you’ll get caught. Only I can outrun the cops.”

“NOT IN TOOTHLESS YOU WON’T. I’M LEAVING NOW! BRÅM BRÅM!” With that Strop gunned the engine and revved it. Grudgingly, Kai extricated himself from the hoses. Then he sat himself on the windshield. Directly in front of Strop.

“Fuck it, good enough,” Strop muttered, before putting the car into gear and burning the hell outta there.

Several minutes later, and Kai had finally migrated to the passenger seat, only because Strop clearly wouldn’t stop and it was getting really hard to hang onto the A pillar whenever Strop turned left. Which he was doing a lot of, in a parking lot, because he wanted Kai off the damn windshield before the cops really pulled them over. So Kai sat, sulking, with his knees somehow higher than his face. On the plus side, this meant he took control of the playlist, so he had booted up a change of pace:

Strop sighed. “What the fuck is this, it sounds like a cat getting strangled.”

Kai merely started singing, off-key and loud (his only way of singing, incidentally), along to it.


He then fixed Strop with a baleful stare. “Come on bro. I’m the one for Toothless. Gimme the wheel.”

It was Strop’s turn: “No.”

“I’m going to steal the keys off you when you sleep.”

Strop grit his teeth while continuing his search for a hotel out of town. “No. No you won’t.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“Yes I can. I’ll hide the keys up my butt. You’ll never want to touch them again.”

“I dare you. I’ll get them back! I have gloves!”

“I WILL! I will do it!”

“Come at me bro!”

“No, YOU come at me bro, coz I’ll have the keys up my ass!”

“I’ll tell everybody you shoved the keys up your ass and you have a key-in-butt fetish.”

“I’ll tell Bianca you’re being a dickburger!” Strop fixed Kai with a stare. He had one there. Kai had already used up his girlfriend trump by sending E the pants down photo before they even left. The telltale flinch of Kai’s face told Strop as much.

“I don’t care,” Kai said, eyes averted. “What can she do.”

“You’ll be in trouble! And then she won’t let you do stuff by yourself anymore! And she’ll yell at you, and we all know she’s looooud!”

Strop had won. Kai’s fixed stare had told him everything. “Fine. But I’m still taking the keys back.”

“Good!” Strop huffed smugly, and turned off the main road into a side street. “We’re stopping at the Seaquest,” he announced with finality. Better yet, the parking was really off the street in an alley, so nobody would really see their stupid douchemobile, not that it mattered since probably everybody had already seen it and worst case scenario, they’d wake up to being all over the local news and have the cops searching for their thug asses.

MRL: 6+
FTG: 10+

p.s. good lord this duo is childish… the most immature of the bunch here I think. Y’all old sensible farts…

Edit 2: @TheBobWiley freeeeeeeebiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiird


Team Twin-Snail

Previous Post

“The exhaust just seemed like the right thing to do. Mismatched exhaust restriction on a turbocharged car, didn’t want to risk damaging it. The muffler was coming off anyway, made more sense to gift it to a team in need. Necessity is the mother of all invention, after all.” Luke said, casually prodding at the fire to keep it going.

“How’d you get the Minerva?” Martin asked after a little time.

“Apparently, the 1975 through 1978 Sinistra Savage, in a soft top, is rather collectable. Guy who bought it was restoring a beautiful dark red one, but the engine in his, well, let’s just say a window in the engine block ruins even the biggest of V8’s. Said the motor’s worth more than the whole car in those twin-turbo 662’s. Offered me the Minerva he’d been trying to sell as a fair trade for the Savage, and, well, it seemed like a good deal at the time.” Luke replied.

Martin gestured to the plate of burgers that had been left for Luke to pack up. “Can I have one?”

“Sure. We learned last time that having plenty of food is a good thing.” Luke said, picking up the plate carefully. He held the plate out so Martin could take a burger, then carefully set the plate back down, before packing the remaining burgers in bags to be eaten on the road in the morning.

Almost an hour passed with Luke and Martin holding small conversations on favorite subjects. Toward the end of that hour, Martin asked Luke an interesting question.

“Have you ever owned an Erin?” Martin inquired.

Luke reached for the clip on his belt, removing his working keys. He flipped through them until he found the one he was interested in, then showed Martin the key. On one side, it had the Erin logo, and on the other side, “Tauga X 3.3” was molded into the plastic. “One of the most fun cars I’ve driven, to be fair.” Luke replied, before putting his keys away.

After a few minutes of noticing Martin getting tired, even despite his dislike of camping, Luke mentioned, “Might be a good idea to head back to your camp.” Somewhere deep within Luke’s frame, a relay clicked and brought his hydraulic pumps back online, letting him get up. “Though before you go, you might as well have this.” Luke said, slowly getting to his feet, then opening the trunk of the Minerva and handing Martin one of his two Storm Automotive jackets. “Probably a little big for you, but at least it’s something more than a burger, and a better gift than Scott leaving a fan and some beer as a joke.”

As Martin took the jacket and headed back to team Southend or Bust’s camp, Luke slowly settled back down next to his fire, letting his hydraulic pumps spool back down and resuming his night rest.

(Hoping I did well on keeping things true to character for you, @DeusExMackia)