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The Kinda Grand Tour [FINALE]


9PM (ish)

Bill figured that he’d let Toni sleep in the back of the car, while he’d take the passenger seat, forcing what’s-his-name into the most uncomfortable night 's sleep he could imagine. Turns out, he screwed up. The drivers seat had recline, while his, well…didn’t. BURN!!!
Bill: Why the hell did they make this seat not a reclining type? Were the designers demented?
Wookiee: Psychic, maybe. You’ve got the warmest blanket, and I’ve got a steering wheel to contend with. Stop bitching.
Toni: I’m going to back up Wookiee here, Bill. You’ve been a dick at every opportunity, and tomorrow, we’re going to a camping store, and buying a tent. That way we can all get a better sleep. I can’t believe you didn’t pack a tent.
Bill: ME?! I didn’t organise this jaunt. Try pointing the finger in the right direction!
Wookiee: Talk to Toni like that again, and you wont…ever.
Toni: Drop it. Both of you. Sleep. NOW!


#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post

Southend or Bust crossed over the Astoria-Megler bridger long after it had gone dark, but the lights of the town guided them in a semi-romanticised way. Martin thought to himself, I swear we’ve been here before…
“What’s up Martin?” said Seb, having noticed his confused expression.
“I swear we’ve been here before. And we were talking about this bridge and the films its been in.”
Seb was now equally confused. “Er, right, sounds like some serious de ja vu”

Meanwhile, James had fallen asleep in the passengers seat, though thankfully the signposts to the park were obvious now. Martin grumbled as they arrived in the camping area, surveying the tents and cars already there.
“I am not in the mood to do this” he said to Seb.
“Mate, literally everyone else is doing this. You’ll be fine”
It made no difference. Martin despised camping.


With the tent set up and James finally awake once more, the boys were sat around outside the tent entrance.
“Oh man, can you guys smell that barbecue too?” said Martin, frustrated.
James looked desperate at the realisation. “Now I wish I’d bought some barbecuing gear. I could kill for a burger right now”.
“Oh goddammit I’m going to bed, can’t deal with this!” - James stormed inside.
Seb and Martin looked at one another. “Where the hell did that come from?” Seb whispered.
“Not getting his beauty sleep it seems” Martin returned, and the two laughed.
“Screw it, I think I’m gonna follow him” said Seb.
Martin grimaced. “Ugh, ok”.


It was about 40 minutes later. The other two were fast asleep, but he couldn’t get off; Martin swore tents just had this effect him. Time for a wander he reckoned.
Clambering out of the tent, he snuck around for a while until he noticed Luke of Twin Snail nursing a dying campfire, and came over.

Luke registered Martin’s problem immediatley. “Can’t sleep?” he said with a smile.
Martin smiled back. “How did you guess?”
He sat down. “Nah, I just hate camping, and tents, and sleeping outside in general”.
“Is that so?” asked Luke. “Well, I don’t sleep at all”
“No way!” said Martin, blissfully unaware that he was talking to an Android who also happened to be the CEO of Storm. “I’ve found the right guy then it seems”
Luke chuckled. “So, how’s the going going so far?”
“Good thanks” Martin replied, “a lot easier than the Roulette Runner and a lot smoother”
“Good to hear” said Luke in generic appreciation.
“I must thank you and your team for that exhaust last time, it saved our ears among other things”
_To be continued by @Madrias _


I remember well those squeaky heads in the tape players… Good times man, good times.

@BailsMackenzie hahaha damn that’s a classic bedtime conversation, right outta the generation gap playbook :joy:


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Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 1: 8-10pm

The long, slightly mountainous drive between Hoquiam and Raymond was beautiful but incredibly boring, leading to a lot more fatigue than expected. There was still an hour until Fort Stevens and Bob was definitely getting ready for a break.

Bob: I spy with my little eye… something… green…

Jason and Ryan: Trees…

Bob: …yes…

Bob: This road is so boring, at least when we were along the cost there were some breaks in the trees so we could see the ocean, this is just solid forest out here.

Bob: … o look a speed limit sign, I wonder why it’s…

Braking hard as the car comes around a bend in the road, confronted with suddenly stopped traffic.

Everyone: What the hell???

Bob: Looks like we made it to Raymond, there must only be a single road crossing the like two rivers that come together here.

A few minutes later traffic is moving again and a short while later we finally make it to the other side of town and are back up to speed.

Bob: Well that sure woke me up, almost crashing and all… They should really cut the trees down on the corner so it’s not just a blind corner.

Ryan: Why is the road going North-west again? I hate going in the wrong direction… stupid mountains.

Jason: Maybe we will get to see the ocean again! Pops open 3DS again

Ryan: Alright, time for some new tunes.

Ryan hooks the car’s aux cable into his phone and with a sly smile starts a song

Day 1: ~10pm

After a nice drive, mostly along the coast, Bob was starting to crash, 10 hours behind the wheel had not been kind and the monotonous landscape was putting him to sleep, a similar problem to the flat country drives in the Midwest. The only thing keeping him alert and awake were the constant twists and turns of the road. Arriving into Fort Stevens State Park, Bob was ready to collapse, but it seemed Ryan and Jason had other plans…

Bob: Alright Ryan, haul out the tents, I am beat… too tired to even eat.

Ryan: Look at how many people are pulling out there tents… looks like just about everyone is going to spend the night here…

Bob: No… noooooooo, I know what you are thinking… If we are going to do that, YOU are going to drive… I am done!

Ryan: Fair enough, you can take a little nap in the back, Jason and I have already planned our route for the night. You don’t need to worry about anything.

Piling back into the car, we set off once more, trying to put some distance between us and the other competition. This was a race after all, and we intended to win.

Morale: +9 (We are trying to put some distance between us and everyone else)
Fatigue: +14 (Been driving all day and this driver’s seat, along with the blown shocks are not doing me any favors)



6p-8p: Marc Levinstein took over driving, Blake Worden decided to stretch out in the back while Luigi Fillipelli has taken the front seat.


Marc: Damn, I swear that fuel gauge is the fastest thing about this car!

Blake: Give it a rest, we’ve got plenty of fuel to reach Astoria, we’ll fill up there.

Luigi: He can’t help it, it’s in his nature to be concerned about fuel economy. Or rather how much money he has to spend on gas.

Marc: Well, we can’t all drive Vespas and Isettas. Not to mention those hideous little Fiats.

Luigi: Hey, if Fiats are such lousy cars, why did they bring them over here? Huh?

Marc: Because they forgot that Fiat pulled out of the United States twenty years ago for a reason.

Blake: Yawn I’m thinking we should also look for a place to sleep for the night.

Marc: Way ahead of you, Fort Stevens State Park. Most of the people are camping there for the night, I figure that’s good enough for us.

Luigi: What are we thinking for dinner?

Blake: I packed a wok in with the gear. I figure we could make stir fry. We could call today…

Marc: Stir Friday?

Blake: Damn, that’s actually better.

Luigi: What were you gonna call it?

Blake: Never mind.

(The team arrives at Astoria and locates a gas station. They refuel and check all fluids. Satisfied that all is well, they press on.)

Arrival at Fort Stevens State Park

Blake: Okay, I’ll get dinner started, Marc, set the tents up, Luigi, get us some water.

Marc: Right.

Luigi: On it.

Blake: Man, this is different from the camping trips I took the kids on. No complaining.

(The three men enjoyed a filling dinner, got everything cleaned up, and went to bed for the night.


#Team Flaming Fart Cannon

Introduction | Previous Post

###Friday, 6-10pm

Having been soundly defeated by Luke’s train horn (get it??? :smiley: ), Kai and Strop sat in stunned silence. Well, silence, because their ears were ringing and they couldn’t hear shit. What was actually playing was this:

“YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, YOU DO THE SPEED LIMIT, YOU GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY” Kai yelled, still not quite back to normal, before shifting down and kicking it up a notch. One nice thing about American highways compared to Melbourne was that there were a hell of lot less of those idiots who thought the overtaking lane was for driving at exactly the same speed as everybody else despite the signs clearly stating otherwise. Of course, Australia wasn’t huge on the ‘flow of the traffic’ rules, either.

Before long, they were well out of sight of everybody else and not passing anybody they’d seen on the ferry.

“We seem to be in front,” Strop remarked, jostled in his seat as Toothless wove through traffic on the fast lane, slow lane, and sometimes the runoff. Four, five, six hours of this constantly was starting to wear on him as the sun started to dip over the horizon.

“Awww yeah, winning!”

“What I meant was, I think we should take a break.” Kai’s head snapped around like a suprising boxing glove out of a booby-trapped wall.

“But. We are winning.”

This was the moment when Strop realised what it was like to sit in the same seat as a race-driver in race mode who only knew one mode: attack. There was no impish glint in Kai’s eye now, it was just a burning fire, or molten lava running through his blood and consuming everything in its path. There would be no stopping him, not before either he, or the car died, and even then Strop would probably have to pry the wheel out of his cold dead hands.

Oh well, nothing for it but to grit his teeth and wait this one out. What to do when they inevitably had to stop, however, that was another matter entirely.

MRL: 7+
FTG: 8+

Headbanging with the bass pumping and watching the coast and forest go by was a great feeling. Headbanging while one’s bladder was overfull was not the best. Then there was the roads being so docile and mostly straight and stuff (even if it wasn’t). And then there was the fact that Toothless didn’t have the best legroom ever and Strop had long legs.

“Kai, are we gonna stop anytime soon, the fuel indicator is on.”

“It’s good, it’s always like that!”

“No, I mean, we gotta stop soon, my ass hurts and I’m pretty sure I got a fucking DVT and I’m about to piss on your upholstery.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“I won’t, if you pull the fuck over!”

Just then, the soundtrack died. “Out of Charge”, the UE Boom intoned, before falling definitively silent.

“And we’re out of tune juice and I gotta charge the battery.”

“Mmmm…” Kai’s face fell abit at the loss of the tunes. “Then charge em in the lighter, right?”

“Kai, if we run out of fuel, I’m not walking twenty miles to the gas station.”

“Okay okay! We’ll fill up at the next town.”

“We’re currently passing through an entire town! And I’m hungry! And there’s like a nice harbour view and shit!”

“God you’re a whiner! We’ll fill up at the next town!”

On the narrow bridge passing through Aberdeen, Toothless started veering, perilously close to thumping the barriers and oncoming traffic. Inside, Strop and Kai were having a slap fight.




The 101 turned into a city road in Aberdeen, but Kai kept his foot down, screeching through the left hander ignoring the signals, barging past the dinner time traffic on the on-ramp, and onward. And so it went, for the next half hour, for there was no town for a good long while, until Raymond. And then there it was, a Chevron sign! Strop pulled Kai by the collar.

“FUEL. PISS. FOOD. NOW. Or I eject the gearbox by shifting us into reverse.”

“OKAY OKAY Geeze.” At this point, Toothless had decided for the both of them, for it too had enough. The engine sputtered, coughed, and then expired.

“Great, nice one.” Strop grumbled. “Probably all the crap and bilge and sludge from 15 years of service just got sucked into the injectors and fouled them up.” He unbuckled, and didn’t even bother closing the door before sprinting for the outhouse.

“Oh you,” Kai simpered, before sauntering off. “You’re so grumpy when you’re about to piss yourself.”

Several minutes later, the car was in a bay, Kai at the pump and washing the bug splattered windows, and Strop was inside buying food and accessories. The moment Strop had finished the tasks at hand, a bolt of realisation struck him, and he blasted through the doors at full pelt, only to see Kai clambering back into the drivers seat.

“OH NO YOU DON’T MUTHAFUCKA” he yelled, drawing the stares of just about everybody else at the station. But by the time they looked up, he was already halfway across the station, homing in on Kai, who had just sat down, was putting the key in the ignition and was just about to close the door.

There was no hesitation. With a warcry (whinny?) Strop dove headfirst through the passenger window, face and shoulders smashing into Kai, who yelped as they blasted back out through the driver’s door and tumbled out, ending up tangled in the pump hoses.

“What the fuck man, my jacket!” Kai protested, although his beloved red MEPHISTO jacket, the custom item that the company had made along with the gift of his infamous scarlet hypercar killer, was several years worn and already pretty tatty so no real harm done. By the time he’d finished thinking about that, Strop had prised open his fingers, swiped the keys, tied him up in the ropes just a bit more to slow him down, and esconced himself in the driver’s seat, where he had shut and locked the door, and was in the process of putting fresh batteries in the UE Boom.

“Get in the passenger seat,” Strop commanded.

“Hey, no fair, you stole the only good seat!” Kai put his best pouty face on, the one that Bianca couldn’t resist, so she merely mashed her palm into his face every time he pulled it.

Strop, however, was not Kai’s girlfriend. “Get in the fucking passenger seat.”

Kai folded his arms and huffed. “No.”

In the background, Strop’s pointy ears acutely informed him that the crowd, observing the mayhem and confusion plus the confrontational nature of their mega douche car had generated the presumption that he was a criminal thug, Kai was a hostage, and they should call the cops. Or something. He hoped nobody here was armed, but hey, this was the US of A, so probably everybody was. Fuck.

“The cops are gonna come and this car sticks out worse than a cross-dressing vegan Satan-worshipping African-American in Mississippi, so get your ass in here or I’m leaving you behind.”

“Let the cops come, you’ll get caught. Only I can outrun the cops.”

“NOT IN TOOTHLESS YOU WON’T. I’M LEAVING NOW! BRÅM BRÅM!” With that Strop gunned the engine and revved it. Grudgingly, Kai extricated himself from the hoses. Then he sat himself on the windshield. Directly in front of Strop.

“Fuck it, good enough,” Strop muttered, before putting the car into gear and burning the hell outta there.

Several minutes later, and Kai had finally migrated to the passenger seat, only because Strop clearly wouldn’t stop and it was getting really hard to hang onto the A pillar whenever Strop turned left. Which he was doing a lot of, in a parking lot, because he wanted Kai off the damn windshield before the cops really pulled them over. So Kai sat, sulking, with his knees somehow higher than his face. On the plus side, this meant he took control of the playlist, so he had booted up a change of pace:

Strop sighed. “What the fuck is this, it sounds like a cat getting strangled.”

Kai merely started singing, off-key and loud (his only way of singing, incidentally), along to it.


He then fixed Strop with a baleful stare. “Come on bro. I’m the one for Toothless. Gimme the wheel.”

It was Strop’s turn: “No.”

“I’m going to steal the keys off you when you sleep.”

Strop grit his teeth while continuing his search for a hotel out of town. “No. No you won’t.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“Yes I can. I’ll hide the keys up my butt. You’ll never want to touch them again.”

“I dare you. I’ll get them back! I have gloves!”

“I WILL! I will do it!”

“Come at me bro!”

“No, YOU come at me bro, coz I’ll have the keys up my ass!”

“I’ll tell everybody you shoved the keys up your ass and you have a key-in-butt fetish.”

“I’ll tell Bianca you’re being a dickburger!” Strop fixed Kai with a stare. He had one there. Kai had already used up his girlfriend trump by sending E the pants down photo before they even left. The telltale flinch of Kai’s face told Strop as much.

“I don’t care,” Kai said, eyes averted. “What can she do.”

“You’ll be in trouble! And then she won’t let you do stuff by yourself anymore! And she’ll yell at you, and we all know she’s looooud!”

Strop had won. Kai’s fixed stare had told him everything. “Fine. But I’m still taking the keys back.”

“Good!” Strop huffed smugly, and turned off the main road into a side street. “We’re stopping at the Seaquest,” he announced with finality. Better yet, the parking was really off the street in an alley, so nobody would really see their stupid douchemobile, not that it mattered since probably everybody had already seen it and worst case scenario, they’d wake up to being all over the local news and have the cops searching for their thug asses.

MRL: 6+
FTG: 10+

p.s. good lord this duo is childish… the most immature of the bunch here I think. Y’all old sensible farts…

Edit 2: @TheBobWiley freeeeeeeebiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiird


Team Twin-Snail

Previous Post

“The exhaust just seemed like the right thing to do. Mismatched exhaust restriction on a turbocharged car, didn’t want to risk damaging it. The muffler was coming off anyway, made more sense to gift it to a team in need. Necessity is the mother of all invention, after all.” Luke said, casually prodding at the fire to keep it going.

“How’d you get the Minerva?” Martin asked after a little time.

“Apparently, the 1975 through 1978 Sinistra Savage, in a soft top, is rather collectable. Guy who bought it was restoring a beautiful dark red one, but the engine in his, well, let’s just say a window in the engine block ruins even the biggest of V8’s. Said the motor’s worth more than the whole car in those twin-turbo 662’s. Offered me the Minerva he’d been trying to sell as a fair trade for the Savage, and, well, it seemed like a good deal at the time.” Luke replied.

Martin gestured to the plate of burgers that had been left for Luke to pack up. “Can I have one?”

“Sure. We learned last time that having plenty of food is a good thing.” Luke said, picking up the plate carefully. He held the plate out so Martin could take a burger, then carefully set the plate back down, before packing the remaining burgers in bags to be eaten on the road in the morning.

Almost an hour passed with Luke and Martin holding small conversations on favorite subjects. Toward the end of that hour, Martin asked Luke an interesting question.

“Have you ever owned an Erin?” Martin inquired.

Luke reached for the clip on his belt, removing his working keys. He flipped through them until he found the one he was interested in, then showed Martin the key. On one side, it had the Erin logo, and on the other side, “Tauga X 3.3” was molded into the plastic. “One of the most fun cars I’ve driven, to be fair.” Luke replied, before putting his keys away.

After a few minutes of noticing Martin getting tired, even despite his dislike of camping, Luke mentioned, “Might be a good idea to head back to your camp.” Somewhere deep within Luke’s frame, a relay clicked and brought his hydraulic pumps back online, letting him get up. “Though before you go, you might as well have this.” Luke said, slowly getting to his feet, then opening the trunk of the Minerva and handing Martin one of his two Storm Automotive jackets. “Probably a little big for you, but at least it’s something more than a burger, and a better gift than Scott leaving a fan and some beer as a joke.”

As Martin took the jacket and headed back to team Southend or Bust’s camp, Luke slowly settled back down next to his fire, letting his hydraulic pumps spool back down and resuming his night rest.

(Hoping I did well on keeping things true to character for you, @DeusExMackia)


Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Friday, 10PM - Midnight

Weather Conditions: 51 degrees, light rain.

All vehicles are on US101 South.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Tillamook Cheese Factory, Oregon Coast Aquarium.

Next Waypoint(s): Fort Stevens State Park, OR, Seal Rock, OR

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 383 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Astoria Crest Motel.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 408 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Team is asleep at a motel in Seaside, OR.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 43 mi OD: 491 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +6 Notes: Team makes it to Chinook Winds Resort Casino and is stopping for the night. TEAM VERY FATIGUED.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 350 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -2 Notes: Sleeping at the Seaquest Motel in Raymond, WA

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 244 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -1 Notes: Team is currently asleep. (Camping: Ruby Beach)

@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 383 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at the Astoria Crest Motel

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.

The following cars are within visual range or in a pack:

None - all teams are idle right now.

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

(No RP this time period, team is asleep)


Team Twin-Snail
Previous Stage

As the rain started to fall, Luke decided it’d be better to take his night-rest in the car, where he wouldn’t get drenched in the cold water. Not that he minded the cold, and he knew he was water resistant, but there was no good reason to keep tending the now-extinguished campfire. He opened the door of the Minerva and settled into the driver’s seat, closing the door quietly as he resumed his rest.

Status: Resting.

MRL +9 (+1) - Camping is a great experience, even though this rain is going to make packing up a nightmare in the morning.

FTG +7 (-2) - The three living members are sleeping, Luke is resting.

(Not so much RP as just keeping a log of what’s going on in the thread here. And explaining Luke getting into the car so he’s not sitting in the mud.)


It was a lovely night to sleep and camping in a car is such a foreign idea to the trio.But atleast with a car with decent interior,it was comfortable to them.The sky started to rain as the trio was in deep sleep.But hopely the convertible roof will withstand the light rain

## Overall Stats

Overall fatigue: 8 (-2) (the trio is sleeping)

Overall morale: 12 (nothing happen)

Note:I will request a stop to the Tillamook Cheese Factory


Previous Post || Next Post

Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 1: 10-12pm

As the Bil rumbled away from Fort Stevens State Park Bob pulled a sleeping bag over himself in the back seat, with another sleeping bag squished against the door as a makeshift pillow. Before they had even made in back onto the 101, Bob was fast asleep.

Jason pulls out his phone and text with his girlfriend. He has been avoiding talking to her as he was supposed to be in Indiana for a job interview, not blasting down a coastal highway in the Pacific Northwest in the middle of the night. He made up a job interview in order to explain his absence for a few days and he very much wants to keep his head intact when he gets back to Ohio, hence him not mentioning his GF before now. Jason types away at his phone letting his GF know that he made it to the meeting today and that things went well. They want to meet him again tomorrow, maybe even take him out to a sister site on the other side of the city. This should help explain his absence for a few more days, but it would get harder and harder to keep the lie going, especially when it would come time to tell her he did not get the “job”.

Ryan: In a lowered voice Texting with Lianna? Man, if she ever finds out about this you are FINISHED. She won’t just break up with you, she will probably kill you!

Jason: Yeah… I know… but how could I pass this up? You’re moving out of state for work, Bob is probably going to move away as well, my current job is ass… We needed to do this, one last horah you know.

Ryan: I get it, and don’t worry about Bob and I, we will never tell her… Until we are giving our speeches at your wedding!

Jason: flashes angry eyes at Ryan

Ryan: I know I told Bob I would take over driving, but man I am beat as well. I felt good earlier but I am about to fall asleep over here. Jason… reach way in the back of the glovebox for me…

Jason: reaching into the very back of the glovebox Why, what is in here?

Jason pulls out a small bag full of energy shots, none of which look to be name brand.

Ryan: These are just a little insurance for this trip, pop one of these open and you are absolutely wired for about two hours. Now give me one, we have a long drive ahead of us.

Ryan: Hey Jason, can you look ahead of us about two hours and scope us a hotel? When we get there we are going to crash hard and fast.

Jason: Pulls out his phone and types around for a bit Looks like there is a town about two hours out, Lincoln City, there are a bunch of hotels there. types a bit more Ok, I got us a three person room at, get this, a casino hotel!

Ryan: nearly waking Bob WHY?!

Jason: It was actually about the same price as the motel 6, it has got to better though… I would assume anyway.

Ryan: God… well I guess they should have a decent breakfast anyway…

Day 1: ~12pm

Pulling into the Chinook Winds Casino Hotel valet area, Jason leans back over the seat, rosuing Bob from his deep slumber.

Jason: Hey, Bob, we are at a hotel, time for some real sleep.

Bob: God, why is it so bright?? Did we drive all night???

Jason: No, it’s just the casino lights.

Bob: What!?

Jason: Don’t worry about it, let’s just get to sleep.

Ryan: Barely awake, stumbles from car and hands the keys to the valet. Not a SCRATCH on her… got it?!

The valet nods, quickly gets in the car and drives off into the lot. After checking in at the main desk, we were relieved to find we had a room on the second floor. The further we had to walk at this point, the better. Moments after entering the hotel room, we collapsed onto the two queen beds and sofa and were out cold.

Morale: +8 (We are so tired, morale fell a bit)
Fatigue: +20 (Drove until midnight, luckily no crashes)



Brian’s notes for the previous leg:

We took a rest stop at Fort Stevens after several hours of driving. That should take care of the fatigue problem for now. Still no car problems yet, and we have confirmed that our next rest stop will be at the Oregon Coast Aquarium.

Most of the other teams also stopped at Fort Stevens; as for the ones that didn’t, let’s just say that they found alternative rest stops for the night. I had heard through the grapevine that one team drove all night until midnight, but I am not sure whether or not such an audacious strategy will pay off. As for us, we never thought about doing so for fear of excess fatigue.


Team Bamford

We join our team early on in their sleep cycles…

Ken and Simon are asleep in their beds whilst Jason took the opportunity to build an impressive pillow wall dividing the double bed while Phillip was outside saying goodnight to his car.

Phillip went for a short walk around the town of Seaside and returned to the motel.


Team Mountain Pass

Friday, day one, 8 - 10pm

Team bio

Wow, the last two hours went down like a lead balloon. I haven’t driven so many kilometres in a single day, without a break, before in my life! All the subtle nuances of the Ambassador which I previously interpreted as characterful was now irritating the living heck out of me! Pierre’s snoring now, which grates on the ears plus Andrew has found a really obnoxious flavour of country music which, somehow, serves to amplify the irritating nature of Pierre’s snoring… We will most definitely be staying overnight in Fort Stevens.

When we arrive at Fort Stevens we find a nice, dry and secluded camping spot so that we can set up camp, eat some dinner and get some shut-eye… Bring on tomorrow morning! Pierre woke up when we arrived and grumbled about having to camp and Andrew was really happy he’d get a chance to cook for the team, having stocked some gourmet snags just for this purpose. After a tasty dinner we hit the sack and proceeded to visit the land of Nod…

Distance travelled (today): 54 miles
Distance travelled (total): 390 miles
Morale +1 (+8 total)
Fatigue +5 (+13 total)



Team Riot Uncontrol

Friday, 4PM - 6PM

“You know, i like to drive…” Paul mentions, “But this is sooo slow.”
" I wouldn’t trust this car with high speeds to be honest…" Aaron says without lifting his eyes from the map
“Pff… Why could they do the tour on the German Autobahn…”
" Because 3/4 of the car wouldn’t be allowed on the road and the tour would be over in 6 hours…"
“But still…”
“I may have something to lighten your mood”
Aaron lifts his head from the map and puts a FM Adapter for its phone.
“I just need to tune the radio”
Some knob turning later; a song starts playing through the radio:
“Uuuuhhhh Yeah that is much better”
“At least our music taste is the same”

Friday, 6PM - 8PM

The Radio is still playing Highway themed Rock music
“How far is it to the next point ?”
“It should be " Aaron looks at the map " Another 140km or so”
" So around an hour ?"
Aaron does a big yawn “Yeah seems about right”
“Eh. Don’t get sleepy on me, i need you here”
“Yes i know” Aaron yawns again. “But it is getting late and i am getting hungry…”
“Me too…” Paul also yawns. “GOD DAMNIT YOU INFECTED ME”
“I may have an idea.”
With that the music gets louder

8PM - 10PM

“OH OH you need to take this right here” Aaron pointed out
With some tyre screech the boat takes the street of the highway
“That a lot of trees” says Paul while checking out the wildness around him
“Google Maps says this park is a great camping place.”
“We should camp too !”
“You got a tent ?”
“So a Hotel.”
Paul’s stomach growls loudly
“I hope we get something to eat there…”
“We should. But before we go there we need a picture”
“Oh right.”
The car comes to a full stop.
“Why are you stopping Paul?”
“Because of the picture ? DUUUHHHHH”
“Just be quick !”
“But here a people…”
“Then you can show them your cool Hazmat suit”
Paul begin to giggle
“I hate you so much”
With that Aaron lefts the car.

Aaron quickly gets back into the car
“There is your stupid picture”
“So… How did everybody like your outfit”
Paul start to giggle
" I hope the people here don’t thing they are in danger now"
With that the car starts to move again

Friday, 10PM - Midnight

“That was some good food. I gonna sleep great tonight.”
Both of the brothers walk up the stairs
“Finally i can sit on something NOT filthy”
" I wouldn’t bet on it. You remember the ‘Hotel Hell’ episodes we saw together ?"
" Well. This is my room. See you tomorrow"
With that Paul disappears in his room
“-sign- If i don’t get any sleep tonight i will slap him…”



Nothing exciting to report, Marc woke up to take a piss, then went back to sleep.


#The Cowys
:arrow_left: this way for the previous post

Friday 14:00
When the cars started to be unloaded we had the advantage to be one of the first ones to get out. Since I had driven the 86 miles to the ferry I passed the keys to Ram. “Here, man, your turn, try to have some fun”.
Ram grabbed the keys and slotted them into the ignition. “I think we’ll go at a moderate pace, should be fine.” Not long after we left, though, we started to be passed…
…by almost everybody. :neutral_face:

“Calm down, man, let them go, when they break down or run out of gas, we’re going to pass then all” I said impishly while Nomade squirmed around impatiently. “Besides, we need to take care, you know how these MR cars handle at high speeds”.
Nomade replied, “Yeah, yeah, I know, oversteer and all. Ehh, let’s hear something at least to relax a little…”

Friday 16:00
As we kept going, the gray wagon and the purple classic were left behind, and we approached the next block of cars. “I told you we would get them” I said with a slight suggestion of a smirk on my face.
“Well, it’ll take some work to pass the four of them, but I’ll give it to you, you were right”, Nomade grumbled and picked up the map. Not long after we passed them easily, giving a quick toot of the horn. “It sure feels great to have power when you need it!” Nomade said, having brightened up considerably now.

I traced a finger along a road on the map and mused out loud, “Yep, we’re on our way alright, should we be stopping for a break?”
Ram fidgeted for a bit. “These seats may be well fitting and all but a small MR coupe isn’t the best choice for comfort. Our DIY exhaust is drony as fuck too, it’s just this manual gearbox keeping me alive here.” he said with a laugh.
“35 miles or so down the road we’ll be passing through the edge of a lake by the side of Olympic National Park.” Nomade hinted with a tinge of hope.
“Let’s take a break there.” Ram decided.
In a short while we started to see some more familiar cars, and decided to play catch up. Chugging along was the Ardent with it’s swapped engine.

Friday 18:00
So the first cars started filing off the highway towards Fort Stevens State Park. But we had decided to push on, I needed to see Olympic. As we approached Amanda Park I woke up Nomade, who had fallen asleep. “We’re here, let’s get something to eat and have a look around.” We ate, fuelled the car and walked around for 20 minutes or so, silent at the breathtaking scenery.

We decided to change positions, I was getting really tired. “Now I can have some fun” said Nomade with a smile playing on his face. “I’ll get some nice music,” I said grabbing the cable.

It was an uneventful drive back to the park, we just drove until we reached the camping site and promptly fell asleep, too tired to even eat. Jetlag, driving and a drony exhaust does that to you. I was going to wake up early the next day anyway, so cooking up a proper breakfast would be a treat.

Friday 22:00 - morning


Team Mr. Hankey

Friday 10pm -> Midnight
Bill: UGH. Fah… Ooooh. Ho! (Coughing) What the hell is… that…?
He looks over at the Wookiee, who has a smile creeping across his face.
Bill: (in an angry whisper) You’re about as funny as a fart in an elevator! (opens the window for some air). Go and see a doctor.


@Madrias Yes, that was fantastic! And thanks for the jackets :wink:


Team ‘Routed…

Original Post

Having missed the turn off for Ruby Beach in all the joy of the twisty coastal roads the team carried on until Hoquiam, WA. Where they noticed the big six had started to drink down faster than it managed to eat up the miles.

So they pulled in at the nearest petrol station it was a shell one just passed the Maccas and next to a Domino’s.

They all felt a bit odd driving on the wrong side of the road. Pulling in to fill up only highlighted how strange it was to do so in a right-hand drive car! They were getting all sort of funny looks from the locals.

Everyone was feeling a bit tired now. Mitch decided to let Dan take over. Fearing that Sam might get a bit lead footed. Especially in this built up area which was bound to be full of police.

Before they left Sam made sure to stock up on the bizarre lollies or candies as I’m sure they’d insist they are called. No matter how hard they tried. It seemed like everything came with peanuts attached or flavoured in there. Not to mention the corn that seemed to creep into all items of food over here.

Anyway sufficiently loaded with sugar the team made the push for their final waypoint at Fort Stevens State Park, OR. Sam was growing rather impatient now not having anything to do until the waypoint. He was instantly regretting his choice of gum. “Yuck! what’s they point in!? Tastes nothing like it says!”
“Oh this is horrible you gotta try it, Mitch.”
Mitch half awake grabbed the package “Fire Spicy Cinnamon Chewing gum…Umm, no thanks. You can have that all to yourself.”
“Aww come on.”

“Didn’t you buy anything decent to eat?” Mitch asked looking as the assortment of colour snacks. “Something savoury perhaps?” Mitch suggested.
“Well not really…this gum isn’t that bad once the flavour wears off”
Mitch just shook his head surely everyone knows savoury snacks are better…
Meanwhile, up front, Dan was quietly taking in the sights of the town. There sure were a lot of motels around.
“Hey guys, we aren’t just going to be camping at the waypoint are we?”
“No bloody way!” Mitch declared. “Might be fine for you spring chickens but I’ve got a bad back.”
“We don’t even have a tent!”
“I’m pretty sure we can stay motels and stuff”

After Sam and Mitch looked over their notes and guidebooks. They found out they were perfectly allowed to stay motels if they wanted. A great sense of relief filled the cabin and as a reward for their hard work. Mitch and Sam eventually fell into a slumber.

After around 40 minutes and many miles of uneventful driving. Dan guided by tunes of the decidedly repetitive local radio stations. Eventually guided the cobalt Maesima made it onto the Astoria-Megler Bridge.

Crossing the vast expansive Columbia River and notably the state border between Washington and Oregon. As they left the bridge the town of Astoria filled their vision. The road works at the end of the bridge allowed them plenty of time to take in this view.

While the waypoint was to the right they took a left and headed to the nearest motel. Driving through the pretty streets of Astoria the team couldn’t help but feel like they were in a real-life version of Twin Peaks. That being one of the few touchstones of popular culture that informed the teams understanding of this part of America.

Leaving the town behind they found the motel and quaint little two story place up a slight hill.

The empty parking lot save for a deep merlot Ardent Chancellor of Team Greasy Lightning. It looked like they’d already turned in for the night. But with any luck, they might be able to catch up with them over the free morning breakfast.

As it was already getting quite late Dan, Mitch and Sam decided to find a place for dinner. Maybe that Pizza & Burger place a back in Astoria. Then they’d call it a night. At least that was the plan.

Sure enough, after dinner, Mitch was fast asleep. Snoring loudly enough to prevent the other two from getting a good nights sleep.

They were regretting sharing a family suite now. At least there was cable TV and free Wi-Fi. So they could at least check in on social media to see how the rest of the teams were fairing at the campsite.