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The Kinda Grand Tour [FINALE]


Because I’m a nerd. :smiley:

(besides, if “'vulcanized butthole” doesn’t get a reaction from people, I gotta do it SOMEHOW.)


Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 6pm - 8pm

Weather Conditions: 72 degrees. Mostly sunny. Traffic on the highway is starting to slowly taper off.

All vehicles are on US101 South.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Any POI you can find/message me about between Garberville, CA and San Luis Obispo, CA (bear in mind timing - It’s getting on toward evening, and various teams have fatigue setting in)

Overnight sleep: Unless you PM me to specify otherwise, you will overnight at a random hotel in San Francisco, and will sleep 6 hours, with an additional hour of prep/packing. If you wish to use a different hotel and/or specify a different amount of time to sleep, PM me details. If you wish to camp, let me know where. Specify sleep time, and don’t forget I will add on an hour of packing to the end.

Next Waypoint(s): Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, CA, Half Moon Bay State Beach, Half Moon Bay, CA.

TBDC: 113 mi OD: 993 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: Team is starting to feel fatigued.

TBDC: 7 mi OD: 1052 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -3 Notes: After their near miss last time period, team has stopped for rest at the Hyatt Vineyard Creek in Santa Rosa, CA.

TBDC: 98 mi OD: 947 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Team has refueled and gotten fast food in Eureka.

TBDC: 112 mi OD: 1104 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Team is starting to feel fatigued.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 848 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -3 Notes: Team asleep at a hotel in Eureka, CA.

TBDC: 87 mi OD: 1071 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +0 Notes: Team has checked in to the Motel 6 in Petaluma, CA.

TBDC: 116 mi OD: 1088 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: Team is starting to feel fatigued.

TBDC: 112 mi OD: 993 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Team is starting to feel fatigued.

TBDC: 119 mi OD: 1108 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Golden Gate Park. Team has stopped overnight at Great Highway Inn, near the park.

TBDC: 113 mi OD: 1062 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Team is starting to feel fatigued.

@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 101 mi OD: 1036 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +7 Notes: TEAM IS FEELING VERY FATIGUED.

TBDC: 85 mi OD: 955 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +0 Notes: Team is taking an alternate route and is on CA-1. Team has stopped for 1/2 hour rest at Westport-Union Landing State Beach.

TBDC: 120 mi OD: 1107 mi MRL: -8 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Golden Gate Park. Sort of. CRITICAL FAILURE: Due to fatigue, driver made a miscalculation while entering the park, jumped the curb, and hit the undercarriage on something. The unibody is too warped for the car to move more than a few feet. Overall morale at end: +5 (Fair)

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 938 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -4 Notes: Team is sleeping at a hotel in Redwood Valley, CA.

TBDC: 91 mi OD: 882 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +1 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Garden. Team has refueled in Eureka, CA.

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 50 mi OD: 1118 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Golden Gate Park. Team has stopped for the night at Great Highway Inn, near the park.

TBDC: 103 mi OD: 910 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +8 Notes: TEAM IS VERY FATIGUED.

The following cars are within visual range or in a pack:

Bogliq, Gamma (1108 mi, at the same hotel)

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

Nutshell tonight: All 3 team members are floored by the even bigger Redwoods along this area, which is very close to Avenue of the Giants.


FYI, this should have been the 6pm - 8pm time slot. Freaked me out for a moment until I double checked.

Previous Post || Next Post

Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 2: 6-8pm

Bob: Looks like another hour until we hit San Francisco proper, definitely ready for a food stop.

Jason: I was just looking up food… there is a place called The America Grilled Cheese Kitchen!!.. ah come on… it closes at 5pm on the weekend???

Ryan: I guess they don’t like making money.

Bob: Anything going to be open? I am starving.

Jason: Looks like a lot of Chinese places… uhhh… still looking… Big Chef Tom’s Belly Burgers closes at 9pm… I don’t know if we will make that… god is anything open in a major city at night???

Bob: I mean, we can always resort to Taco Bell or something… I kinda wanted to splurge a bit on different food since we are clear out west. I can get the nationwide chain foods anywhere in the midwest.

Ryan: Pulls out phone and starts searching as well Ok, looks like there are a lot of places around Golden Gate Park that are open late, because they are almost all bars. There is a place closer to the highway that looks interesting, but the entree changes every night… hmmm… man, some of this sounds amazing, as long as it’s not shrimp night we should check this place out. I am going to call them.

A few moments later Ryan is talking to someone on the phone, asking what the entree is tonight. From the sound of his voice, it must be shrimp night. Ew.

Ryan: It’s shrimp night… sigh

Jason: The Taco Shop looks pretty good, plus they have beer for you guys.

Bob: Sounds great, I am so hungry I could almost eat seafood.

We decide we will swing by Golden Gate Park just before the sun sets, so we can get a few pictures and enjoy the amazing weather. Then we will walk a block over to The Taco Shop for dinner and discuss the remainder of the race.

Morale: +14 (Nothing exciting has happened)
Fatigue: +7 (Haven’t stopped in a while and it’s starting to get a bit late)


##Team Twin-Snail

Previous Stage

With the boldness of three passes in the previous leg behind them, it was readily apparent that things were needed. Specifically, the list was growing, but at the top was “Food” followed by “Fuel” followed by “Toilet” and lastly “Bed.”

Two of those could be solved rather easily, because Linda pointed out a gas station up ahead that had a McDonalds right next door that they could go to while Luke filled the Minerva’s gas tank and checked the car over.

Scott agreed, then commented, “Plus, the toilets in the average McDonalds are about a thousand-times better than gas-station crappers.”

Amy rolled her eyes, then told Luke, “Hey, next left turn, gas and food.”

Luke signaled and pulled the heavy car into the gas station, pulled up to a pump, and let everyone spill out of the car. He swiped his card, then filled the tank with premium, even though the Minerva only took regular normally. “Better safe than sorry.” he grumbled.

Meanwhile, Scott, Amy, and Linda ended up in a very short line in the McDonalds, and settled at a table to eat.

“Fuckin’ hell, Scott, did you even taste it?” Linda said, as Scott had already disappeared his fries and was now about halfway through a Big Mac.

“Of course. But I know Luke’s going to nearly kill us if we make him wait in this race.” Scott said.

Linda shrugged and went back to her quarter-pounder with cheese, while Amy finished the chicken nuggets and her fries. Soon after, it was bathroom breaks, then getting back over to the gas station.

Once they were back in the car, Luke floored it, trying to make up time as the traffic thinned.

“Well, at least we got something to eat, we got to walk around a bit, and now we’re back in the racing sedan.” Amy quipped.

“Hey, you knew full well that I was going to push the driving as long as I could.”

“Yes, but you don’t have to be the Road Warrior here! You could stop more often so we’re not in the car the whole trip.” Linda said.

“That’s funny, coming from you two who wanted to turbocharge the car. Or have you forgotten that, or the fact that the past couple times we stopped, Luke got stuck with fixing the car?” Scott said, coming to Luke’s defense.

“Yes, but someone had to do it.” Amy said.

“Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have appreciated an extra set of hands when dealing with the throttle bodies and MAF sensors. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have appreciated someone handing me parts while working on the brakes. But no, you guys picked a beach full of sand and water, and an aquarium, also full of water, so I would feel more comfortable fixing the car.” Luke said. “Pure social engineering at its finest. Make me uncomfortable with the stop so I feel better fixing the car. Start looking for things to do, or I’m just going to go hammer-down and we’re driving the whole time.”

Amy and Linda shared a concerned look, as it was one of the few times Luke showed his true feelings on the matter. Amy looked at Luke, who looked more towards the driver’s side ‘A’ pillar to avoid looking back.

“Sorry, Luke. I hadn’t realized this was… That we had excluded you entirely. You’re right. We need to plan our stops so that Luke gets something out of this road-trip as well.” Amy said, first to Luke, then to everyone in general.

There was a moment of near silence, other than the growling engine, wind and road noise, and Luke’s cooling fans, only broken when Linda asked, “Well, that’s all fine and good, but does anyone here know what Luke wants to do?”

“Not really, but we know he doesn’t like sand or water. Pick something that doesn’t involve those, and he’ll likely go along with it.” Scott said, as they continued their journey down the highway.

“Hmm… Well, give me a few minutes.” Linda then looked at her phone and fiddled about for a moment, then after 10 minutes, asked, “What do you all think about hiking?”

Everyone looked to Luke for a few moments, then seemed relieved when Luke responded “I could go for a bit of hiking.”

“Well, there’s Bishop Peak in San Luis Obispo, so it’s a long-ass drive, but it’ll be in our next day of travel, so…” Linda said.

“Sounds like a good plan. Log it in as our next major planned stop.”


Car Condition: Running fine.

Team Condition: Fight narrowly avoided. Plans in place to avoid further fights.

MRL: +19 (+1) Food!
FTG +10 (+3) Getting tired.

Planned stop: Bishop Peak, San Luis Obispo, CA


##Team BAGS

Brian’s notes for this leg:

This time, we decided to keep fatigue levels to a minimum by stopping at Westport-Union Landing State Beach off CA-1. It’s a scenic route, so we’ll lose some time, but we’ll get to Golden Gate Park eventually. As for the teams that have not yet reached it, most of them have taken the audacious decision to keep driving into the night. While it may help them reach the finish sooner, the extra fatigue that results from doing so will eventually take its toll until they stop again. In one case, it already has: one of the teams was eliminated due to what Gary describes as “fatigue-induced driver error”. This is exactly the sort of scenario that we want to avoid, but even if we do, we are still not yet guaranteed to reach our destination - even though it is becoming increasingly likely for us.


Our Protagonists Almost Die Before They Even Get To The Start
Our Protagonists Are Introduced And Act Like Somewhat Normal People
In Which They Noise Pollute Like College Frat Boys And Are Thoroughly Outdone by a Blue Man
In Which They Argue About Playing Gay Chicken With Keys Being Hidden in Unmentionable Places
In Which Gay Chicken Is Played But Kai Forgets the Chicken Part and Strop Loses
In Which Strop Fails Emissions Ratings and Team Southend are Scarred For Life
In Which Toothless Starts Wheezing and Strop’s Butt Unleashes a Can of Whoopass on Team Clutch Droppers

#Team Flaming Fart Cannon
###Day 2, 12-2pm

Even after passing through Bandon in a cloud of toxic emissions, Strop and Kai were still clutching their sides, the occasional wheezing paroxysm of laughter wracking their bodies.

“Oh God I died,” Strop gurgled.

“The best.” Was all Kai managed.

The highway was long and almost entirely straight going Southbound. The wounded Toothless once again took flight, picking up speed and buzzed over the road doing close to 90mph.

“Come on, let’s catch another team and do it again,” Kai joked.

“Okay, but, I gotta be careful, the next one could be a shart.” Strop cautioned.

As the 101 Southbound turned into a gently undulating coastal drive, Kai continued to give Toothless the beans. The beach view blurred on by with 4500rpm on the tacho and the droning of the inline four punctuated by pained squeaks from the front left every time they crested a bump or hit a dip.

“Uh, is that getting louder?” Strop wondered out loud.

“No.” Kai said, maybe a touch defensively, meaning, yes, definitely. And it persisted while they passed through Brookings, crossed the border from Oregon into California, through Smith River, and even Fort Dick (snicker). But it was in the dappled curves of the Redwood State Forest that even as Kai attacked each banked corner with gusto, Toothless sickened further, shuddering and shrieking while braking into the tight right handers, then groaning as he pinned the throttle past the apex.

“Oh shit dude, I think it’s getting worse,” Strop warned, his remark superfluous as Toothless burst into rattling vibrations that chattered their teeth. First it was just a shiver, then a rigor, then a bucking and jostling that rustled their jimmies* harder than a vibrator strapped to a jackhammer. They weren’t even able to appreciate the renewed view of the coast and the tide washing up on the rocky beach on the approach to Klamath Camp. The curves of the forest road over, the vibrations lessened, but the steering wheel still threatened to jump out of Kai’s hands. Knuckles white, he crooned and cajoled, in a vain attempt to soothe Toothless’ agony:

“Nej nej nej, skattepige, bare lidt endn-”

It was the bump at the end of the bridge that did it. There was an audible snap, then a grinding, and Toothless pitched to the left with the howling of rubber. Kai instantly pulled to the right, but the wheel was jammed fast. Strop clutched his seatbelt and braced. Throwing up smoke, the flaming Corolla veered across the oncoming lane, off the runoff and was swallowed by the tree canopy. Then there was a crunch, the airbag popped, knees banging against the footwell, seatbelts crushing their ribcages, and silence.

Seasoned veteran of racing crashes, Kai had the motor off, seatbelt off, levered the door open and hopped out within moments. Strop, not a seasoned veteran of crashes in general, tried opening his door for a good ten seconds before realising it was jammed shut, struggled across to the driver’s side and spilled out onto the ground. By the time he had dusted himself off and rubbed his sore knees, Kai was already bracing against the B pillar, in an apparent attempt to haul Toothless out of its dirt crater.

Strop stared at him for a good half a minute before his brain engaged. “Kai, what the actual fuck are you doing.”

“Help me!” Kai grunted, putting his back into it. Toothless inched back a good half foot, dirt dragging in front of the wheels. Strop’s eyes bugged out, first at seeing Kai’s slight frame shift a firmly stuck car, second in an attempt to comprehend what Kai planned. But of course. Kai didn’t have a plan.

“Kai, stop.” Strop stood up, palms upward in utter confusion. “It’s over.”

“No! No! We can fix this!” Kai’s jaw was set, breathing laboured as he pulled again. “Just… gotta…” Strop marched over, firmly wrapping his arms around Kai, and forcibly dragged him away. Kai latched onto the doorframe with his fingers, arms almost elongating as he clung on for dear life. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE KAI THIS IS WHAT WE PLANNED ALL ALONG,” Strop roared, straining with all his might. Finally, his entire weight and power overcame Kai’s flagging grip, and they tumbled into the dirt. Kai kicked and flailed, yelling unintelligibly, and Strop just held on, riding the flames of his fury until he burnt out and fell still, save for the heaving of his chest.

Strop shoved Kai off, and rolled over to his knees. “This was what we planned all along,” he repeated, softer now.

Kai didn’t move, or blink, for such a long moment Strop thought he had lost consciousness. Finally he spoke. “Yeah, I know.”

In silence they struggled to their feet, and dusted themselves off. Toothless lay lifeless, save for the ticking of the heat dissipating from the engine. Strop felt a sudden flashback, to watching the air escaping from his dying patients; wisely, he said nothing.

“I’m going to call a tow truck,” he announced, to no reply. He turned to look at Kai, head bowed, now stroking Toothless’ rear hatch, murmuring barely audible:

“Såså, det skal nok gå… Du har været en god bil, men nu er det på tide at komme videre… Så tak, Toothless, mini Nightfury… Vi burde ha’ set om du kunne ha’ kørt fra den også. Vi ses på den evige racerbane…”

As silently as he could, Strop took ten paces back, and started flicking through his phone. By the time he was done, Kai had finished talking to Toothless, and was standing still, arms folded, contemplating his hand-painted flame decal.

“Truck’s going to be a few hours,” Strop announced.

At first, Kai didn’t answer. When he did turn around, hands on his hips, his jaw was set and his gaze steely.

“We’re gonna need a proper site for the pyre.”

MRL: -3
FTG: +6

*I am quite aware that this is not the typical usage of “rustle my jimmies”. This is deliberate, as I do enjoy employing ironic misappropriation and double-entendre simultaneously!


Oh god
The flash backs



Anyhow, it’s a valiant ending for the mighty Toothless. RIP in peace, my sweet prince.


Team Bamford

Right, let’s make up for lost time!!

Phil was on a roll today, he’d bought some fuel from the remains of a petrol station and had stunned his friends with some really confusing shit and to top it off, he hadn’t taken the brick off the accelerator for an hour or so now.
And then, they saw it, the Gryphon Gear Corolla, broken and desolate by the side of the road, flanked by the GG team.

Phil removed his sunglasses out of respect and shed a single tear at the death of a Toyota.

It was a few miles before anyone spoke again and soon the team was feeling quite chatty by Humboldt, in fact, by the time they swung by the botanical gardens for their POI photos, the team was at each others throats, with a tired Ken stoking the fires of discontent with vigor.

‘‘So what’s the deal with this macho-man bullshit?’’ he muttered

Phil smiled. ''I go places, I see things and I know people"

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“No idea pops, but he’s got this strange presence over people, he keeps talking about “Erwin Baker” and stuff like that” complained Jason.

Ken smirked, he had a fair idea of Phil’s game now, but he was content to let this little story continue for a little while longer.

“So, aside from arguing, when are we stopping next?” asked Simon as the big boat bounced over a kerb and scrapped back onto the road.

“Did we just bottom out on normal road junction?” asked Jason

“Must be all the weights in the back” said Phil

“Not to mention all of those bricks” muttered Ken.


The team was wearing down now, the once luxurious seats were feeling harder by the second and these seats had stopped being luxurious in 2003.

Big Redwoods towered over the car which offered a short reprise from the awful car ride before their sightseeing was interrupted by a small knocking sound.

“What’s that?” asked everyone in the car at once.

The car continued on-wards but the sound became faster and faster before it stopped and everything was silent.

“OH” exclaimed Phil “That’s the fuel gauge trying to move!”

“Are we out already?” asked Jason

“We must be! And look! There’s a station right up ahead, we’ll stop there and be back on the road in no time!” continued Phil, being excited about doing his “Erwin Baker” routine again.

The Bamford heaved to a stop at the browser and Phil, flanked by Simon, walked into the petrol station, Phil seemed preoccupied with checking a small piece of paper with a long list of names and places on it.

“We’d like to buy some fuel” smirked Phil, walking to the nearest counter, leaning onto it and lowering his sunglasses all at once.

“Erwin Baker sent us” he continued.

The attendant glowered at him.

“Did I say it wrong?” Phil asked, who had turned on some sort of tap and was suddenly sweating like crazy now.

“You’d be looking for Justus, he left here yesterday after the cops found out about his little back-door operation”

“Can we ignore that this happened and we just paid for some street fuel?”

“I don’t think so”

Simon, meanwhile had gone to the other attendant and paid for the fuel which Jason had pumped, he sidled over to Phil and handed him a piece of paper, Phil took a single look at it, swore something awful and he bolted for the door as Simon walked out behind him.

“Sorry about my friend” he called out to no-one in particular “He forgot his meds today”

As the Bamford slowly eased away, the first attendant was trying to prove to their co-worker that those guys were part of some underground league of hooligans.

“And I’ll prove it! Look at this note!” they yelled, thrusting the paper to their co-worker

The other attendant read the note and started laughing “Are you sure?”


The coworker handed them the note which was written in big, bold letters.



Phil had almost explained his bizarre actions to the team but he kept pausing, claiming he heard a train horn in the distance, Simon had agreed with him, adding that he’d heard school bells that morning.

Eager to get some rest, Ken had directed the team to stop in Petaluma at the cheapest motel in town and, looking pretty similar to the last motel, the team went to book in and were met with a young woman at the desk.

She was an attractive sort of girl with long blonde hair and a public relations smile.

“Hi, I’m Lucy, Name please” she stated, with so little enthusiasm that it actually hurt Ken to hear it.

“Ken Clark”

“That with a C or K?”

“Ken or Clark?”

“Never mind, sign here, name, city of origin, etc.” she muttered, pointing to a red book on the desk

Ken signed his name and hometown before handing the book to her, she read his name, several times before suddenly perking up.

“Are you really from Silverstone?”

“Yeah, that’s where my factory is”

“You’re THE Ken Clark? From Bamford?”

Ken smiled “I certainly am!”

“OHMYGOD” she yelled “My dad would LOVE to meet you! Follow me, please, you have to see this!”

Ken gestured to the boys outside and they walked to a small shed around the back of the motel whereupon the woman threw the doors of the shed open to reveal a big British super car.

“My dad’s out of town, but you have to sign the dash for him and get some photos of you in the car, he’d love that!”

“Yep” chuckled Ken “That’s one of ours, 1970 BA Shark”

Ken and Lucy spent the next half hour pouring over things like track width and quad exhausts while Phil was busying himself by making his famous Tomato and Sausage Casserole on his little gas burner.

(I won’t tie up the thread with the recipe, but it’s good, PM me if you’re interested)

And soon the five of them settled down for a nice meal in the car park of a cheap motel in the middle of West Coast America.

Phil explained to her the details of the race and all the adventures he and his mates had been on so far, from Simon making a speedometer out of a mobile phone to Ken’s methodical part checking and Jason’s misadventure on the ferry the previous morning, it was pretty clear that despite Phil trying to wing-man for everyone else on the team, Lucy was becoming increasingly interested in the young Englishman and shortly after dinner, Phil and Lucy went off walking.

“Well, where does that leave us?” asked Ken as the couple strolled down the footpath

“Time for some sleep I think” yawned Simon “After all, we’ve got one last shot down that freeway and we’re going to make damn sure we at least finish”

“You know Simon” laughed Jason, slowly standing up from a chair he’d made from bricks and suitcases “I think that’s the most you’ve said all weekend!”



Marc: Hey Luigi, I have a proposition for you.

Luigi: I’m listening.

Marc: I’ll buy you a first class flight back to Italy. Just one stipulation, you can never come back.

Luigi: Aww, and I was looking forward to seeing your people when we reach San Francisco.

Marc: There are no Jews in San Francisco you retard!

Luigi: You seem awfully sure of that.

Marc: Well, I mean their population isn’t dominated by Jews.

Luigi: Moot point because I was talking about your fellow homos.

Marc: Well, if I’m gay then you’re gonna be my bitch!

Luigi: Excuse me?

Blake: Well, if you two were gay that is the way I’d see it.

Marc: I don’t know about you but I’m starting to feel kind of beat.

Blake: Well you have been driving almost all day.

Luigi: Tell me about it, bastardo is always hogging the car.

Marc: Well, if you had gotten your license from anywhere other than the Geriatric Driving School, then I’d let you continue driving. I’ve moved faster on beat shifts than you do with this car!

Luigi: Well, it’s something to occupy your mind until you get more blue pills.

Blake: Here we go again.

Luigi: Just remember to call the doctor after four hours, I don’t want anything bad happening to you.

Marc: Don’t make me stop this car and kick your ass!

Luigi: Bring it on bitch, you couldn’t kill a fly!

Marc: I can kick my brother’s ass, and he’s ex-Mossad!

Luigi: Beating up retired old Jews are we? Great, I get stuck in the car with the racist.

Marc: I’m Jewish you idiot!

Luigi: Oh put that card back in the deck!

Blake: All kidding aside, we should look towards plans for the night. Should we camp, or should we find lodging?

Marc: I’m leaning towards finding a campground for the night myself.

Luigi: Hell, we’ve got the gear, and the food. Save some money.

Marc: That was supposed to be my argument!

Blake: Okay, camping it is.


[quote=“VicVictory, post:301, topic:20895, full:true”]

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 8pm - 10pm

Weather Conditions: 68 degrees. Mostly sunny.

All vehicles are on US101 South or CA-1.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Any POI you can find/message me about between San Francisco, CA and San Diego, CA (bear in mind timing - It’s getting on toward evening, and various teams have fatigue setting in)

Overnight sleep: Unless you PM me to specify otherwise, you will overnight at a random hotel in San Francisco, and will sleep 6 hours, with an additional hour of prep/packing. If you wish to use a different hotel and/or specify a different amount of time to sleep, PM me details. If you wish to camp, let me know where. Specify sleep time, and don’t forget I will add on an hour of packing to the end.

Next Waypoint(s): Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, CA, Half Moon Bay State Beach, Half Moon Bay, CA, El Capitan State Beach, CA.

TBDC: 118 mi OD: 1111 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Golden Gate Park. Team is feeling fatigued. Team has refueled in San Francisco, CA.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1052 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -5 Notes: Team is sleeping at the Hyatt Vineyard Creek in Santa Rosa, CA.

TBDC: 61 mi OD: 1008 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +4 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued.

TBDC: 38 mi OD: 1142 mi MRL: +4 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypoints completed: Golden Gate Park, Half Moon Bay State Beach. Team has refueled in San Francisco, CA. Team has stopped to camp at Half Moon Bay RV Park and Campground. TEAM MORALE EXTREMELY HIGH.

TBDC: 0 mi OD: 848 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -5 Notes: Team asleep at a hotel in Eureka, CA.

TBDC: 87 mi OD: 1071 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -4 Notes: Team is asleep at the Motel 6 in Petaluma, CA.

TBDC: 44 mi OD: 1132 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypoint completed: Golden Gate Park. Team has stopped at Golden Gate Park for 1 hour for rest. Team has refueled in San Francisco.

TBDC: 110 mi OD: 1103 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +4 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued.

TBDC: 119 mi OD: 1108 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -4 Notes: Team is asleep at Great Highway Inn, near the park.

TBDC: 46 mi OD: 1108 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypoint completed: Golden Gate Park. Team has stopped overnight at Great Highway Inn, near the park.

@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 63 mi OD: 1099 mi MRL: -7 FTG: +5 Notes: Critical Failure: Car has thrown a rod through the block. Only bright spot: it happened just north of San Fran, so not too far to civilization. Overall morale at the end: +8 (good)

TBDC: 105 mi OD: 1060 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: None.

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 938 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -6 Notes: Team is sleeping at a hotel in Redwood Valley, CA.

TBDC: 112 mi OD: 994 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None.

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1108 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -5 Notes: Team is asleep at Great Highway Inn, near the park.

TBDC: 85 mi OD: 1108 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +8 Notes: Waypoint completed: Golden Gate Park. Team has stopped for the night at Great Highway Inn, near the park. Team nearly immediately passes out due to exhaustion.

The following cars are within visual range or in a pack:

Multiple cars at the Great Highway Inn.

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

“How much longer?” Jen yawned.

“Half an hour, tops,” Rick replied. “I’m hoping we’ve passed most of the teams. We kind of dawdled yesterday. Paying the price for it now, I guess.”

“Right. I’ll set my alarm just in case,” Fuzz added.

“For what?” Jen asked with apprehension.

“Our early start tomorrow,” Rick muttered.

“ugh, shit,” Jen growled. “Do we have to?”

“I don’t know. I’d rather bet on than against it, though.”


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Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 2: 8-9pm

Passed through Santa Rosa, our original destination for dinner, but we decided to keep moving since we had to stop and fix the car earlier. Bob has started to fall asleep and Ryan has zoned out staring at the forest flashing by. Jason finishes picking his next song and cranks the radio…

Bob is startled awake and Ryan snaps back to reality.

Bob: What is this?? Korean… rap??

Jason: It’s G-Dragon boys! The best rapper in Korea!

Ryan: Why… just… why? Ok, no more music control for you. We are going back to real music.

We continue on into downtown San Fran while Jason pouts.

Day 2: 9-10pm

Just after passing Marin City we decided to slow down a bit so we could enjoy crossing the Golden Gate Bridge. It was awe inspiring, the sun was setting to the west and the weather was clear, giving us an amazing view of the bay. Ryan and Bob took a lot of pictures as the team passed over the bridge and the came down into Presidio on the other side, it was a beautiful area. We turned off the 101 onto Veterans Blvd. heading towards Golden Gate Park. We cruised along the various roads winding through the park taking a large number of pictures, the lighting was just perfect as the sun set making for an incredible evening. Unfortunately, it was not long until the sun set, ruining our sightseeing. We looped back around to Martin Luther King Dr. and found a parking spot near Crossover Dr./19th Ave.

Bob: Good lord, how many times does this road change names? Veterans Blvd, Park Presidio Blvd, Crossover Dr, 19th Ave, pick a damn name San Francisco!

Ryan: If someone tried to give me directions involving this road, I would never get where I was going.

Jason: Alright, so the Taco Place should just be a block over, let’s get going, I’m starving.

The trio head out of the park and over to The Taco Shop, a lovely little bar setting with amazing looking tacos and other “Mexican” food.

Waitress: High guys, have you been with us before?

Bob: Nope, first time, anything we have to try?

Waitress: Well, I always recommend the tacos, especially the “Nick’s Way”. I’ll give you a minute to look over the menu, do you know what drinks you want?

Bob: Do you have any local beer you recommend?

Waitress: We don’t have too many local beers, mostly in bottles, but we have a new canned beer, Los Gigantes. It’s a mexican style lager, I like it a lot.

Bob: I guess I’ll try that.

Waitress: Just to let you know, you can get a bucket of six, you basically get one free that way.

Bob: You guys wanna try it?

Ryan: Sure, but I’ll probably get something else as well.

Jason: I’ll try it, but you know I don’t really like beer.

Bob: We will take a bucket, thank you.

Jason: I’ll take a coke and water.

Ryan: I’ll have an Old Rasputin.

Waitress: Ok, I’ll grab those and come back for your food order.

Bob: Man, she’s pretty easy on the eyes… think I have a chance?

Ryan: HAHA, not even. Plus, we are not sticking around long enough for even you to… finish… :stuck_out_tongue:

Jason lets out an overly loud laugh

Bob: Damn, that’s harsh.

Ryan: Seriously though, I want to get back on the road tonight. I have been thinking, it’s only about 8 more hours down to Coronado, I think if we pace ourselves overnight we could get there without stopping to sleep, or at least keep it to a very short stop.

Bob: I was kind of thinking the same thing, we are relatively close and I bet almost ever team is going to sleep overnight, that should give us at least a 4 hour lead over them, even if we had to pull over for a couple hours to sleep in the car.

Waitress: Here are your drinks. Do you know what you want to eat?

The team proceeded to order entirely too much food and a number of more beers, on top of the bucket of beers. By time we finish our extremely delicious tacos it was nearly 10pm, but morale was high and our fatigued had been staved off for another few hours. Bob and Ryan had a few too many, but were able to stumble their way back to the car, while Jason complained about the fact that he had to drive more. Just after exiting the park area Jason pulled in to a Shell to fill the car up for the final push to the finish. After zig-zagging our way through the terrible road layout in this area of San Fran, we finally made out way back onto the 101. Pointing the car south, we settled in for the final leg of the trip.

Morale: +16 (Tasty Tacos!)
Fatigue: +7 (Tasty Taco break!)



Brian’s notes for this leg:

As we continue our drive through the night towards San Francisco, we start hearing rumors that several teams have already made it to Golden Gate Park. It’s likely we’ll make it there before midnight, which is a good sign. However, I recently heard a rumor that one of the teams has had a terminal engine failure, although considering that it happened near civilization, they won’t be stranded for long. There is still a lot of driving left to do, though, which means that we need to stay alert throughout the trip.


##Team Twin-Snail

Previous Stage

“Luke, if you don’t find a place to sleep soon, so help me God, I will pull this car into first and blow the engine.” Linda grumbled from the back seat.

“Have you perhaps considered that I’m trying to ensure our point of interest stop is available to us tomorrow? Or is it your plan that we run out of time before I get to experience anything other than repairing this car?” Luke snapped back.

“No, seriously, I’m fuckin’ tired.” Linda said.

Scott opened his eyes, gave a malicious grin, then said, “Then go back to fuckin’ Tired and let the rest of us rest until Luke sees fit to stop at a hotel or something.”

“Fuck you!”

“No thanks. You’re not my type.”

“Really, you two?” Amy grumbled. “Linda, stop antagonizing Luke. Scott, don’t be crude. Luke, find a fuckin’ hotel before someone does something stupid and gets turned into road paste.”

“About 100 more miles.” Luke said.

“WHAT!? No, I want to sleep now!” Linda yelled.

“I swear to fuck, Linda, I will punch you in the face and you’ll sleep the rest of the trip.” Amy said angrily. “Luke’s trying to compromise. He’s trying to put us as close to the other teams as he can because we’re that far behind.”

“But I’m tired.”

“The back seat is comfortable if you stop whining enough to actually use it.” Scott grumbled. “So shut up and quit waking me until we get there, wherever ‘there’ is.”

For the rest of that segment of driving, the only sounds in the car came from the Minerva’s engine, the tires against the road, wind noise around the cabin, Scott snoring in the back seat, and Luke’s cooling fans straining against the hot air in the car.


Car condition: Still fine.

Team condition: Ready for Mutiny.

MRL +18 (-1) Big fight in the car.
FTG +14 (+4) Everyone’s tired. Luke needs a cool area that isn’t currently 97 degrees Fahrenheit inside.


#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post

With the sun setting, the boys neared San Francisco. It had been a long day, and they were all tired, but looking forward to a night in a proper hotel, Martin in particularly.

While Martin and Seb had been relatively quiet, James had become very excited.
“Right, the time is now” announced James as the sun dipped below the horizon.
“You’re gonna put the cheesy song on?” said Seb.
James pretended to be offended. “Excuse me, this song was made for this time and place”

However cheesy a choice it was, Martin and Seb couldn’t help but smile at James’s joy, plus it made James drive faster.
“I can seeeee yoooouuu” James sung terribly, “your brown skin shining in the sun”, propping his sunglasses back up and winding down the windows to get some hair-blowing effects going.

“I always used to think it was ‘The Poison Summer’ that he was saying” said Martin.
“Well then you’re a bit stupid aren’t you” said James.
“Hey, I was like 5” said Martin.

They kept on driving as night fell, with the distant glow of San Francisco egging them on to get here.


RIP the John/Cole Train


RIP jonny and the coleslaw band


Does this raise their risk of engaging in stupid self-jeopardising behaviour due to a rush of euphoria to the head? :smiley:


Depends. If there is an inspiring caracature of Luigi and Marc fighting while the Enforcer bombs down the highway…


I probably shouldn’t hijack other peoples’ stuff, but the thought is hilarious.


team 1'); drop table participants; --

Introduction  |  Previously

Saturday, noon-2pm

About 12.30pm. Da Wei is asleep on the passenger seat while Frank is driving along the long, boring road that is Highway 101, the drivers side window about half open since the car has no AC and it’s pretty hot weather. A sign shows up next to the road.

Frank: poking Da Wei Wake up, man. We’re in Caly.

Frank stops the car at the side of the road.

Da Wei : huh? oh right. end of the rainbow unicorn

Da Wei went out of the car, walked towards the california welcome sign all while his head was pointing upwards saying “yay yay rainbow roads”, until he headsmacked the sign. and fell backwards.


Frank: confused by Da Wei’s behaviour, trying not to laugh You awake yet?

Da Wei: HUH?! oh, right…… wait. why am i sitting on the ground? and why does my head sting like hell?

Frank: You just smacked your head against that sign in front of you. reaching Da Wei a hand to stand up

Da Wei : what? really? grabs frank’s hand and got up. i must’ve sleepwalked again, didn’t i?i only got some blurry memory about some ferrari horse. everything is blurry about that dream. except for the horse

Da Wei: anyway, where are we and what time is it?

Frank: It’s 12:30. For the where part, just look ahead. Goes back to the car, starts looking for something in their supplies.

Da Wei : wow we’re in cali already? damn i must be super tired to fall asleep like that then. though i’m plenty refreshed now. you wanna take a rest for the next stint?

Frank: Thanks. Yes I’ll do. Have one of those. Grabs an energy drink they’ve been carrying in the car, throws the can over to Da Wei.

Da Wei : catches the can thanks. so. break for 10 min then go again?

Frank: As you wish. Opens a pack of biscuits, starts eating them.

Da Wei : You opening these things. how much more snacks do we have left?

Frank opens the cooling box and points at the contents. It’s about half full with beer, energy drinks and different kinds of snacks.

Frank: Should be enough. And even if not, we can still buy stuff. Holds his pack of biscuits over so Da Wei can grab some out of it.

Da Wei : no thanks. the hunger will keep me awake. i hope. well then. i’m gonna try and look for a nearby coffee shop, if there’s any, and ask for the strongest coffee they have. want anything?

Frank: Uh, can’t think of anything. Ready to go then?

Da Wei : only AFTER i find some coffee

5 mins later

Da Wei : well. i got some coffee. but it’s really not strong. let’s go anyway

both of us got into the car and drove off towards the sunset…… kinda. we’re going south, not west. but it’s gonna be sunset in a few hour. ish.

4:30pm. everything was silent except for the thumping stereo that seems to have hold it’s quality even over several decades, proving the car’s overbuilt characteristic when i t was produced. but it was getting boring. Da Wei still on the driver’s seat started to sit slouching, several times he almost swerved onto the other lanea couple of times without realising it already. Then a few minutes after he starts to nod and getting asleep at the wheel.

Da Wei : Okay. that’s it. i can’t take this anymore. find us a hotel or a motel or whatever. right now. that we can sleep in that’s within an hour from now.

Frank: (asleep) zzzzZ

Da Wei : frank…… hey franks? looks to the side well then……. hmmmmm. i’m bored anyway

Da Wei pulled his vape out, and started vaping like crazy until the car was filled with clouds of vape “smoke” within minutes. and in the next few minutes, frank started coughing and finally wakes up

Frank: uuuuh … huh … what the … fuck. smoke. fire. panics, quickly gets out of the car Da Wei? Shit. Where does that smoke come from?
slowly realises what’s going on

Da Wei cant contain his laughter anymore and laughed hysterically and finally cranked down all the car’s window

Da Wei: sorry. a bit. i’m not that sorry, i just needed something to keep me awake.

Frank: struggles for words oh you …. damn asshole. you had to do that? you took that thing with you?

Da Wei: oh shit. knew it would happen, but i did it anyway. uhh… i can’t run can i? it’s worth it though. hahaha

Frank: Slaps Da Wei on the back of his head There. We’re even. Now what? Where are we even?

Da Wei: as i said while you were sleeping, and the reason i did that to you. i can’t take it anymore. we need to find a hotel that we can check in. at worst 1 hour away from here. we’ll sleep now, we’ll go at midnight again.

Frank: Okay, I’ll look for something. In the meantime, can you keep driving south?

A few minutes later

Frank: There seems to be a nice motel south of Redwood Valley. Should be 10 to 15 miles from where we are now.

Da Wei: good. we’re going. NOW. while i’m still somewhat awake. foot flat to the floor

15 mins later they arrived at the hotel very sloppily parked their car. left all the stuff except for wallet, phone, and some biscuits on the car. go the to recipient looking ragged. and fell asleep within 3 minutes of getting in their room.

Morale: +1 (+7 total)
Fatigue: +8 (+15 total)


Just to break out of character for a moment. None of the banter between Luigi and Marc is serious. They rip on each other constantly as men of a bygone era do. Truth is they are great friends and Marc was even made Godfather to Luigi’s firstborn son. Back to the story:


Missy arrives in Frisco

Marc: Well, it’s a good thing we’re saving money by camping, Missy is thirsty again.

Blake: Thirsty, but a wonderful machine.

Luigi: We did build a damn good car here.

Marc: So where are we heading?

Blake: Golden Gate Park, but first let’s find a gas station.

Marc: We could just refuel in the morning.

Blake: True, but chances are the price would probably go up overnight. Besides, this way we won’t have to worry about condensation in the tank.

Marc: Fair enough.

(After a fuel stop, and a bit of griping about the price, the team is off again.)

Luigi: You see that girl at the counter, how she looked at me? She totally wants me.

Marc: Oh please, the only thing girls like about you is when you stop talking!

Luigi: You’re just upset because your gear doesn’t work anymore!

Marc: It works just fine, why don’t you lean over and I’ll show you how well it works!

Blake: Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten a car with a column-shift automatic.

(Not long after, the team arrives at Golden Gate Park, they set up camp at Half Moon Bay State Beach)

Luigi: What’s for dinner bitch?

Blake: I’ve got pita bread, mozzarella cheese, pepperoni, ham, bacon, sausage, olives, peppers, onions. Plus a dutch oven in the trunk and a bag of charcoal.

Marc: Mmmm, personal pizzas.

(Later, the team is sitting around the campfire, eating their own home made pizzas)

Blake: I know we past a few guys at that hotel, are we in the lead?

Marc: I’m not sure, I think we may be.

Luigi: I don’t think everyone is going to bed as early as us though, someone might get ahead during the night.

Marc: Even so, we’re doing pretty damn good. (walks over to the cooler, grabs two beers, and hands one to Blake)

Luigi: Where’s mine?

Marc: I only grabbed two. (Opens his beer)

Luigi: Bah! (Goes to the cooler to get his own beer) Just a six pack?

Blake: I didn’t think overdoing it would be a good idea.

Luigi: Like it matters! We’re totally kicking ass!

Marc: Easy now, we may be kicking ass, but the competition isn’t over yet.

Luigi: Jesus, are you that much of a loser that you can’t tell when you’ve won?

Marc: Well, the race isn’t over yet so we haven’t won. Do I feel good about our chances? Absolutely! But I also felt great during that drug bust six years ago. You remember, when I was in the hospital afterwards?

Luigi: You pulled through.

Marc: Only because my necklace deflected the bullet so it didn’t go through my heart. My point is I was very cocky during that bust and it clouded my judgement.

Blake: So tomorrow’s strategy is to act like we’re behind?

Marc: Well, I wouldn’t mind putting some more miles between us and the others, call it insurance.

Luigi: Man, look at that view!

Marc: It’s beautiful.

Blake: Breathtaking!

Luigi: It reminds me of a poem, you guys want to hear it?

Blake, Marc: No.

(After dinner, the guys get into their tents to go to sleep)