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The Kinda Grand Tour [FINALE]


Team Mr Hankey.
Saturday 10PM-Sunday 2AM… various rustling sounds and the occasional incomprehensible muttered word.

Sunday 2 AM
Wookiee’s watch beeps… and because it’s on the table next to him, he picks it up and throws it at Bill.
Bill: OW!
Wookiee: Oh, sorry, didn’t see you there.

The team is packed and in the car.
Wookiee turned the key, and Mr Hankey coughed to life.
Wookiee: Yeah! My turn.
Toni: Then let’s go! Look, those other cars are long gone!
Toni was smart enough to reverse into the parking bay, making exit much easier. Wookiee drove Mr Hankey sedately to the street, then… drove at the speed limit.


Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Sunday, 8am - 10am

Weather Conditions: 70 degrees. Sunny.

All vehicles are on US101 South or CA-1.

POI breaks no longer available (unless already submitted)

Next Waypoint(s): Half Moon Bay State Beach, Half Moon Bay, CA, El Capitan State Beach, CA.

TBDC: 116 mi OD: 1490 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint Completed: El Capitan State Beach. Team has made their final fuel stop in Santa Maria.

TBDC: 123 mi OD: 1643 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +7 Notes: Waypoint Completed: El Capitan State Beach. TEAM IS VERY FATIGUED.

TBDC: 122 mi OD: 1281 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +1 Notes: None.

TBDC: 119 mi OD: 1500 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint Completed: El Capitan State Beach. TEAM MORALE VERY HIGH.

TBDC: 90 mi OD: 938 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Part is in, the parts store employee was “bribed” to install it, and team is on their way.

TBDC: 115 mi OD: 1472 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: El Capitan State Beach. Team has made their final refueling stop in Santa Maria.

TBDC: 84 mi OD: 1693 mi MRL: +10 (WINNING!) FTG: +5 Notes: Team has crossed the finish line, shorltly before 9:30 AM.

TBDC: 110 mi OD: 1379 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Team has made their final refueling stop in Santa Maria.

TBDC: 104 mi OD: 1495 mi MRL: -4 FTG: +3 Notes: Team was pulled over by CHP and cited for speeding.

TBDC: 114 mi OD: 1445 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: None

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 112 mi OD: 1563 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued.

TBDC: 103 mi OD: 1624 mi MRL: -3 FTG: +12 Notes: TEAM IS DANGEROUSLY EXHAUSTED.

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 118 mi OD: 1629 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +7 Notes: TEAM IS VERY FATIGUED.

TBDC: 89 mi OD: 1360 mi MRL: -5 FTG: +5 Notes: CRITICAL FAILURE: Clutch has given up the ghost.

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

(Will post RP later)


btw I may have missed this in early posts, but I keep looking and can’t find it.

Where is our destination? LA?


Coronado Beach, San Diego, CA.


Team Twin-Snail

Previous Stage

With the team so far behind, Luke buried his foot in the firewall, bringing the Minerva’s full force back into play again. The 3.6 liter DOHC V6 snarled angrily like a wildcat in a room full of rocking chairs, catapulting the car towards ever-dizzying speeds.

“70.” Luke said, counting out the speed as Linda watched the scenery whizz by at an unusually rapid pace. “80. 90. 95. 100.” he continued, the car’s snarl picking up as fourth gear was held for pure acceleration. “105. 110. 115.”

Amy watched as the steering wheel kept shuddering in Luke’s hands, the vibrations through the driveline causing the whole car to shake.

“120.” Luke counted, as the vibrations started getting worse.

A violent clatter and bang resounded through the back of the car, and some of the vibrations subsided, while others were made worse. “The fuck was that?” Scott asked, seeming nervous.

“Wheel weight. Vibration shook it loose. Was imbalanced anyway.” Luke said, his foot still pinned to the firewall. “125. High oil pressure light just flickered. 127. Light’s ignited, steady. RPM is at 5800. 130. Off the end of the gauge. Gear change… Now.”

The car lurched as Luke forced the transmission to 5th gear, the car now traveling at its top speed of 136 MPH. They went screaming past several other motorists, their Minerva just a dark purple dot in most people’s mirrors before roaring past, barely recognizable as a sedan by most people who got passed.

Luke piled on the brakes as a bright orange Storm Shadow moved to pass another car, having checked and seen the Minerva almost a mile away. The tires screeched as he made every effort not to drive up the back of the very expensive thousand-horsepower super sedan, hauling the car down to a mere 80 miles per hour and joining the Shadow in the pass.

“Maybe a bit more… Sane pace is called for.” Linda said after a few moments. “After all, we don’t need to go crashing through the Pearly Gates or the Halls of Valhalla in our dark purple shitbox.”

“At least, if we’re going to go crashing through the Pearly Gates, make sure we’re going backwards first.” Scott said, getting a laugh from all of them.

“Nah, you’ve got it all wrong. Gotta go through 'em doing at least a hundred, on the roof.” Amy said, continuing the joke.

“Well, I don’t know about going through backwards or upside down, but I do know that one was close. A more tempered pace, perhaps, at least until we’re out of this damned traffic. Then we’ll uncork the 3.6 and see if we can make up some time.” Luke said.

“Leave it to Luke to pull a stunt like that. Listen, I’m in no great hurry to meet the Grim Reaper. Plus, someone else already crossed the finish line.” Linda said.

Luke lifted off the gas almost imperceptibly, although the effect it had on the car was noticed by the tailgating truck driver behind them as they got honked at. Luke didn’t even bother to return the blast this time, seeming lightly demoralized.

“At least the last time… We weren’t too far behind. Now, we’ll be lucky to make it without being considered ‘lost in transit.’ Lucky if there’s any food left or any party still going once we make it. All this hard driving, and it’s for nothing. Two days of hard driving, two major stops, one still remaining, but… We’ve lost. Why bother speeding at this point?” Luke said, still shedding speed as they settled back down to flow-of-traffic speeds.

“Oh, cheer up, Luke. Surely you’ve found some excitement out here?” Amy said, trying to raise Luke’s spirit a little, mostly in hopes that he’d find some hidden desire to go fast again.

“Not really. Just a lot of driving. A lot of highway miles in a car that probably shouldn’t be running at this point. Almost 3300 miles since we started our journey in Chicago, cannonballed 32 hours to get to the starting line, and now it’s nearing the end of the journey.” Luke said.

“Well, the old saying used to be, ‘it’s not about the destination, the journey’s the important bit,’ or something similar to that. Surely something’s been exciting, or fun, or noteworthy for you?” Linda said, realizing that Luke’s lack of excitement might be a direct result of his lack of participation in events.

“No. Not really. Most of it’s been driving the car, or fixing the car, or planning on fixing the car, finding a hotel. A talk with Martin from Team Southend-or-Bust, but that’s the closest thing to noteworthy in this event.” Luke said.

“Well, we’ve got to fix that.” Scott said. “We need to do something for Luke, because without him, we’d be stuck back in Storm Automotive HQ, working on some race car or another, or putting an interior in the latest concept car, or completing yet another business transaction. And he’d still be up there, on the 37th floor, trying to decide what the next major sales trend will be.”

Luke continued on at the speed limit for the rest of the stage, despite the team trying to convince him to open the throttles wide and continue at their once-rapid pace.


Car Condition: Running well enough, despite losing a wheel weight.

Team Condition: 3/4 okay. 1/4 demoralized.

MRL: +17 (No Change) Partially demoralized, but got to see a limited-edition Shadow on the street.
FTG: +4 (+1) Near Death Experiences are scary.


I’ll have to type up my RP tomorrow, I have a whole “thing” I have been planning since the start, regardless of whether I won or not. However, now I have to incorporate some more stuff since I won. (Damn, those final rest stops just barely kept my tiredness in check and just barely ahead of the trailing teams. I won’t lie, I was worried about the final leg.) Congrats to everyone that participated and a huge shoutout to @VicVictory for an exceptional challenge.



Brian’s notes for this leg:

En route to the finish line in Coronado, we have opted not to stop at any points of interest - we are simply too close to our final destination anyway, nor do we need to adopt a more aggressive strategy (even though, in theory, we still can). Our fatigue levels are still minimal, but the same can’t be said for some of the other teams. Amy has heard a rumor that one team has already made it to Coronado ahead of us. We have mixed feelings about this - we haven’t won, but on the other hand, we will most likely finish, which was our aim for this journey. Alarmingly, Gary has told us of another rumor that a bright red van has broken down several hundred miles behind us. It goes to show how important it is to choose a highly well-maintained car for this long trip south…


#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post

The story so far: It’s been smooth going for the past few hours as they saunter down the Californian coast, and the need for fuel has presented an excellent chance to get some extra breakfast…

“Santa Maria then, eh?” said James as turned off the engine. “This just sounds like a generic Californian town”.
“Yeah, the kinda one those crappy American dramas like The OC are set in” replied Martin.
“The OC?” asked James.
“The OC. Some show about rich teenagers living in California that was on years ago. My older sister was addicted to it” said Martin, remembering the time she gave him a bloody nose just because he switched off the TV.
“Sheesh” said James, opening the fuel filler cap, “Glad I missed that one”.

Seb had got out of the car too, but had remained quiet. His eyes had caught something.
“Seb?” said Martin, wondering what he was so focused on. “Seb, hello?”. Martin looked in the direction Seb was looking.
“Ohhh” Martin said, smirking. “Hey, James, I think Seb’s just seen a very pretty lady”.
James looked over from staring at the pump, and chuckled. Seb had spotted a woman with long brown hair in a flower-pattern bardot filling up a light blue Honda S2000.
“Dude, shut up” said Seb, blushing.
“I bet you can’t go over there and flirt with her whilst talking about her car” stated James, with Martin smiling in agreement.
“Er…uh…Well” said Seb, his eyes flicking between the girl and the guys.
“Go on, you know you want to” said Martin.

Seb walked over, casually, checking out her car.
“Pre-facelift or after?” began Seb, trying to start the conversation on the topic of cars. She has to be petrolhead, surely. She drives an S2000! he thought to himself.
“Huh?” the lady turned around, a little surprised. “Oh, the car?”
“Oh gosh yes, yes” said Seb, fumbling a little.
“Ha” she said awkwardly. “It’s a 2006 model, so yeah it’s the updated one”
Holy shit thought Seb. She knows about this kind of stuff. She knows!
“Nice” Seb complimented. “Gorgeous colour too. I take it you’re someone who likes driving then?”
She smiled and put the petrol nozzle back onto the pump. “I am”.
“Thought that might be the case” replied Seb, smiling also. “I mean this is a proper drivers car”.
“Oh absolutely” she replied. “It’s seriously quick, and so much fun with the roof down”.

Martin and James were watching patiently. “Things seems to be going rather well” said Martin, doing his best to not appear to be staring.

Seb and the lady, who he’d found out was called Naomi, were still talking about the car.
“Nah, it’s kinda funny, I’m a stereotype California girl who does girly things, but people always seem to be surprised when I say I love cars” Naomi said.
“Well, I’m not surprised if you’re driving around in something like this” Seb replied having relaxed a little. That all changed very suddenly however.
“So then, did your friends dare you to come over and chat me up?” she said, unflinching.
“Er, er” - Seb stalled.
“Cause it’s real cute, you know” said Naomi, very sarcastically.

“No no, wait” - Seb desperately tried to regain control - “I…I, I saw you filling up your car and just thought you looked really beautiful and I really liked your car and then my friends said I should go over to you”.
“Huh” said Naomi, a little unsure.
“Seriously, I think you look gorgeous and I was actually gonna come over and say hi anyway” said Seb. He seemed to have saved himself.
Naomi looked at him, thinking. “You’re not from around here, are you?” she said.
“No, certainly not” said Seb, smiling awkwardly.
“Mexico?” - Naomi thought that would be the case given he had a Spanish accent.
“Wait, no, I’m from Spain” said Seb. “Though I’m actually at university in the UK currently with those two” he said, looking back to Martin and James (who definitely weren’t staring).

“Oh gosh, sorry about that!” said Naomi, hoping the apology would be enough. “What are you lot doing out here in a…er…” - Naomi looked past Seb to try and work out what car he was in - “…an orange Erin something or other?”.
“Ha, long story” said Seb. “We’re on this Gumball rally kinda thing, it’s a bit less crazy, but we’re driving from Seattle to San Diego in second hand crap buckets basically”.
“San Diego you say?” asked Naomi, her mood changing.
“Yeah, hopefully by tonight with any luck…”


“So she might try and meet you there?” asked James. They were back on the road, and naturally the guys were keen to know how it went.
“Yeah, she added me on Facebook. Said she was going to drive down there later today. Obviously she can go a bit faster than us so…”
“Nice job man” replied James.
“Next time though guys” said Seb, “please don’t stare like that when I’m trying to flirt”.


Team Bamford


Jason was easing the Bamford along at a steady speed, trying to make the most of his seat time, they needed to stop for fuel one last time, the team was excited, they were making decent time and looked like a shoe-in for a decent finish as they coasted into the Chevron Station.

For the first time on the entire trip Ken’s mobile phone rang, as surprised as the rest of the team, Ken answered the phone, hopping out of the car and walking off into the car park to talk.

Jason and Simon went inside to pay for the fuel whilst Phil pumped it.

Phil was almost done filling the tank when he was approached by a large man-looking creature.

“Hullo” smiled Phil, putting on his best “I’m actually poor” accent

“What’s this?” asked the beast

Phil squinted for a moment and worked out that the “beast” was in fact a human, just wearing a ridiculously large hoodie and beanie combo that added feet to it’s height and fat to it’s width.

“It’s a Bamford from England” continued Phil, changing his accent to something a little more East-Coast.

“Yeah, I picked it up from some tourists who wanted to travel America in one of their own cars, paid around $3000”

The beast paused for a moment “So, it’s worth money?”


“Give me the keys”


“I want the car”

“I don’t have the keys”

Phil, in resounding British stuck-up-ed-ness (yes, that’s a word now) refused to move a muscle, he hadn’t come all the way down America to be carjacked so close to the line, nor so close to his potential new girlfriend.

And, in that manner that won his people two wars and honorable mentions in the last few, Phil stood bolt still as the beast punched him in the face several times over.

“Excuse me!” said Phil, ignoring the blood pouring down his face “That’s not very nice!”

Simon and Jason ran out of the building, they’d paid for the fuel and turned in time to see Phil’s face being re-arranged.

Phil reacted splendidly, once making damn sure that his attacker had actually started the fight (just to be in the clear) he pulled the gas pump out of the car and splashed a small amount of gasoline over his attacker’s legs, the beast jumped backwards and Phil strode forwards to unleash a level of rage not seen since the Boer War.

But, being Phil, he stuffed it up and tripped on the pump’s line, tripping as he moved, headbutting his attacker before he regained his balance and spent the next ten seconds smashing his fists into their face.

Ken walked around the corner and saw Phil kneeling over the broken form of a man while his friend laid endless punches into their head.

Acting quickly, Simon dragged Phil into the car as Jason and Ken jumped in and sped away while Phil explained to the team what had happened.

“And I wasn’t going to let some junkie take our car so close to the line, I just didn’t expect him to break my face doing so”

The others were calmed by the story, learning that Phil was at least acting in self defense.

“Did you guys all think that I just started wailing on someone?” Phil asked, looking around the car

“I did, for a moment” replied Ken “It didn’t seem like something you’d have done”

Phil smiled, checking his teeth and noses alignment “Well, all seems to be right here, I’ve just got some monster bruises on my cheeks and eyes, chicks dig scars right?”

They contemplated phoning the police, but then the cops would look over the car and ask questions, so instead Simon phoned the petrol station and discussed the incident with them, they came to a resolution that Phil would meet them there around 3pm Monday and discuss the incident.

“So Phil and Jason will take the Bamford back to Santa Maria and give their statements then”

“Our flight out isn’t until Tuesday anyway” replied Ken “We can get the car LA and leave it at the air-freight terminal, that’s what my phone call was for, booking our flights home, I even gave Phil an extra two weeks”

Phil smiled at that, he was going to make the most of his stay.

“It’s hard to believe it’s almost over” said Jason “We put so much into getting here and it’s almost over now”

“And you know what, we just lost the race” said Simon, dejected “Clutch Droppers in their '96 Bil won it, according to the preliminary results”

Jason didn’t ease off, but the mood in the car was low, they’d never thought of winning the race, but with a broken and bloodied team-mate and a large fuel bill, it made the sluggish progress of the Bamford hard to bare and they were one wrong word away from a monster argument.



Marc: Is that one of the other teams?

Luigi: Stopped by the cops.

Blake: Good thing you slowed down when you did.

Marc: That’s a perk of being a cop, you know the best spots where state troopers set up.

Blake: What do you think of our chances for winning?

Luigi: Not good, looks like some drove straight through the night.

Marc: That’s what we should’ve done, slept and drove in shifts.

Blake: So our goal is to at least finish then?

Marc: That’s the plan. Car’s running along smoothly. Plus given that this car survived a previous run, that’s no small feat.

Luigi: I think we’re clear to pour on some more speed.

Marc: Not yet, see that overpass up ahead? There’s a smokey hiding behind it as well.

(Sure enough as the team passes they see a state trooper monitoring traffic)

Blake: How did you know he would be there?

Marc: Simple, it’s what I would do. Speeders think they’re in the clear, especially if the first guy has someone pulled over, then the second one comes in and nails em.

Blake: You’ve never been a highway patrolman.

Marc: Nope, but we do have the freeway running through the city, not to mention mutual aid.

Luigi: Remember that chase you did back in '07?

Marc: Ugh, don’t remind me.

Blake: Oh yeah, you had that Owosso.

Marc: Nice car and all, but wasn’t worth a damn in a highway pursuit.

Blake: Not to mention the trans fluid sloshing around during hard cornering.

Luigi: God, I remember your complaint about lack of shifting. I drove that thing all around town with no problems.

Marc: Because you didn’t swing it hard around a corner. I always knew FWD was a bad idea for a cop car.

Blake: No, just a poorly designed transmission. The new ones use baffles in the pan to keep fluid where it needs to be during hard cornering.

Marc: I wouldn’t know, I always pulled rank to get the car I wanted.

Luigi: Believe me, I know. The other cops call you a Blackfoot Whore.

Marc: Not my fault the city decided to buy both cars. And then get into a pissing match with Petoskey dealers over the fuel problem.

Luigi: It’s those stupid turbos. They could’ve stuck with a tried and true design, but no, they had to change to something completely different.

Marc: That’s because the Enforcer was largely unchanged for twenty years. Little upgrades here and there, but overall, you couldn’t distinguish this from a '92 or a '12 model year.

Blake: And a drop in the bucket where repair costs were concerned.

Marc: Okay, looks like we’re clear. (Pours on some speed)

Luigi: I always wonder what would happen if you missed one and got pulled over.

Marc: I’d show him my badge and hope he won’t bust my balls for being out of state.

Blake: Or the fact that you’re not a state trooper. As I recall there is little love lost between local and state cops.

Marc: Let’s see what we can find on the radio…


Team DMV Speed Stars

Many black markers and cans of silly string later…

Ethan: Man, you guys did a number on each other. Can we keep going now?

Felix: Yeah…

Dennis: Alright. But I totally won.

Felix: Fuck you.

The 3 take off again. However, the quality of gearshifts goes down the drain.

Dennis: Man, this thing doesn’t want to go into gear. Well, it didn’t want to before, but now it really doesn’t want to.

Ethan: It looked like its days were numbered before. Wonder what went wrong this time.

Felix: Okay, Pull off at the next stop and we’ll take a look at it.

They stop in the middle of a largely empty shopping center and jack the car up.

Ethan: Man, it certainly smells like clutch.

Felix: How would you know? Your car has a CVT.

Ethan: Your stock clutch…

Felix:I only had the car for a month!

Dennis: Yeah, this thing is fried worse than Felix’s.

Felix: Hey, it only needs to last for the rest of the trip. Let’s go.

They make it to the end of the lot before the car won’t go into gear at all.

Ethan and Dennis: Well that didn’t last long.

Felix tries for about 30 minutes to put it in gear to no avail.

Ethan: Good news. Apparently there are people nearby who’d be willing to take this thing off your hands, even with the bad transmission.

Dennis: They can’t be any worse at buying cars than Felix.

Felix: Whatever. Let’s get rid of the van and get out of here.


Previous Post || Next Post

Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 3: 8-8:45am

Shortly after leaving the downtown L.A. area, the highway made a jog to the left and ended, dumping us onto Interstate 5, towards San Diego. Seeing the wide open interstate ahead of us, Ryan pressed down the throttle.

Ryan: Alright, I need to wake up a little, plus Bob is the only one to really have any fun with this thing yet.

Bob: Don’t go too fast, you have got to be about as tired as I am, and I am completely beat.

Ryan: Just a little…

Jason flipped on the radar detector attached to the passenger’s sun visor ss the speedo crept over 100.

Ryan: Man, this is great, all the traffic is headed into town, we timed this really well.

The road was mostly open ahead of us, while the Northbound side was clogged with commuters on their way to work in the city. However, there were enough cars on our side to keep the drive interesting while Ryan hammered the gas. Suddenly, the radar detector went off, just before we passed a semi-truck. The warning came soon enough for Ryan to smash the brakes, quickly bringing us back down to a pokey 70mph. We inched past the semi-truck and saw the highway patrol car off to the right of the road. Luckily, it seemed our semi-truck cover had prevented him from catching our speed… Or maybe our emergency braking convinced him that we were not all bad… Or maybe he was just lazy. Either way, the lights did not come on and we continued down the highway undisturbed.

Jason: Reaching up to turn the detector off. Man was that fucking close! If that truck hadn’t been there we would have been done for. Of course with the power this baby has we could have led a police chase to the finish line I think.

Bob: Let’s not push our luck anymore, we are so close, I don’t want the car to give up the ghost or get pulled over while 2nd place sails past us.

Ryan: Don’t worry, I’m going to stick to the speed limit from now on, but that really did wake me up.

Day 3: 9:10am

Ryan: Shit we are close. There goes Mission Bay. Do you think we are still in first, I don’t think anyone passed us at Denny’s or Santa Monica…

Bob: Guess we will find out in a few minutes. There’s the airport, should be just a few more exits.

Everyone was starting to get nervous, unsure if we were in first place still or not. The fatigue from driving all night was fraying our nerves.

Bob: Come on, come on… Pass this stupid car, we don’t have time for this!

Ryan: The exit is right here, can’t really go around just to dive through the crash barrels for the exit.


Ryan: Here we go, the Coronado Bridge! Oh come on, it’s a stupid toll plaza. Anyone got change??

Bob: Yeah, here, just take it all and throw it at them.

After paying the toll, Ryan launched the car away from the booth, missing the raising boom arm by mere millimeters. The toll booth guards did not look amused. We followed the road around until we were pointed toward the beach turn off.

Bob: I can see the beach, follow the road around to the right. Right here, yes, turn!

Ryan: I can read the damn signs!

Jason: Do you guys see any of those other cars?? Also… Where exactly are we supposed to go to finish?

Bob: Hey, isn’t that the guy from the driver’s meeting standing over there?

Jason: Yeah, your right. Just pull over here.

Ryan gunned the engine, giving a small flick of the wheel to the right before hitting the brakes hard and yanking the wheel to the left. The FWD car’s rear end went completely loose, swinging around as good as any RWD car. Ryan planted the car firmly into the curb on the other side of the road, but miraculously was between the lines of the parking spots.

Bob: Damn, that was slick! But I think you messed up the rims…

Ryan: It’ll buff out. Now let’s get over to the race guy!

The trio took off across the sand, running full tilt towards the event chairman, whom was standing on the beach in front of a mat, similar to the Amazing Race. The trio jumped onto the mat, eager to hear those delicious words they so craved, “first”.

Chair: Welcome team Clutch Droppers, you’ve made it to the end of the race, how do you feel?

Bob: Great! Once you bloody well tell us what place we got!

Ryan: Did you just turn British??

Bob: Sometimes their language slips out… I watch a lot of British TV…

Chair: Well, I am pleased to tell you that… The camera spins around the trio, the music swells, and we cut for commercial.

Little Ceaser’s, because you have to eat something, right?

Commerical break ends.

Chair: Well, I am pleased to tell you that… you have come in first place!


Jason; The little beater that could!!

Ryan: Damn straight!! Now where is our trophy?

Chair: So, what are you guys going to do now that you have won?

Bob: Well, these guys don’t know it… but, WE ARE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!

Jason and Ryan: What??

Bob: Yeah, I wanted it to be a surprise, I got us day passes for Disneyland since we are all the way out here. They are good through the end of next week. I figured we would take a day to recuperate before heading back up to L.A.


Jason: I have never been, actually. To either.

Chair: Well, I would like you guys to stick around to greet the other teams if you would.

Bob: Oh hell yes, I would not miss an opportunity to rub this in their faces… sportsman like…

Jason: How far ahead do you think we are? I saw a store up the road and I have something planned for the other teams.

Chair: Looks at one of his aides… Looks like… about thirty minutes or so.

Jason: Back in the car guys, we’re going to hit up that Walgreen’s real quick.

Day 3: 9:40am

The trio arrives back at the finish line, car loaded down with all kinds of items. They bump over the curb and drive onto the beach near where the chairman is standing. They begin to unpack, tables, chairs, blankets, a charcoal grill, charcoal, and a couple of ice chests.

Chair: What in the world are you guys doing?

Bob: I told you we were going to be sportsman like, we are setting up a banquet for all the losers.

Chair: Well there are actually a number of food trucks here for the finish…

Jason: Well screw it… we already bought the food, we are going to have a cook-out anyway!

A few moments later the grill was sizzling away, loaded down with hot dogs and hamburgers. A single pack of tofu dogs sits in shame at the bottom of the ice chest. Just in case anyone is lame and won’t eat meat.

Bob: Gotta borrow the car real quick, we forgot the most important food. Beer.

About 20 minutes later and the car rolls back into view, by this point team Clutch Droppers was not the only team on the beach. Bob bumped back over the curb and brought the heavily laden car to a halt at the makeshift banquet site.

Ryan: How much beer did you get? The wheels are completely inside the wheel arches?? That’s got to be like…

Bob: 800 pounds of beer? Yeah, every square inch of the car is now beer… I even threw that useless spare tire away to make room. So, who wants something to drink?

As the day wore on, more and more teams joined us at the finish line. We were sad to see a number of teams missing. Most had car failures we learned, but one team was arrested. We challenged teams that arrived to drag races down Ocean Blvd. Some of which beat us, but was fun nevertheless to see what exactly people had been able to get for the budget. We shared our food and brews and swapped stories about the journey with the other teams.

Bob: Seems like we were pretty lucky nothing went wrong with our car. This turbo should have blown the manifold hundreds of miles ago, but I guess that kid we bought it from knew what he was doing.

Jason: Don’t jinx it, we still have to get to Disneyland, and then back to Seattle to get Ryan’s jeep. I really don’t want to have to fly back up there.

Ryan: Don’t worry, this car will be around forever at this rate.

Day 5

After spending a day recuperating, the trio were back in the car at 4am, ready to head back to L.A. and visit Disneyland and California Adventure. It was an uneventful drive, followed by a great day at the parks. The lines were relatively short and the weather was almost perfect. All in all it was a great day.

The next day they were in the car yet again, heading back towards Birch Bay State Park in order to retrieve Ryan’s jeep. Bob and Jason were arguing over who would get to drive the Bil back to Ohio. They had all come to love it, even if it was a bit uncomfortable, old, and worse for wear than when they started.

Morale: +25 (WE WON!!)
Fatigue: +28 (Still no sleep)


Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Sunday, 10am - noon

Weather Conditions: 76 degrees. Sunny. Gotta love SoCal in the summer…

TBDC: 115 mi OD: 1605 mi MRL: -4 (+11 overall at the end) FTG: +3 Notes: Team is feeling slightly fatigued. Team fails to complete the challenge in time, but does manage to make it to Coronado Beach at about 2pm, just ahead of the IA Advance.

TBDC: 50 mi OD: 1693 mi MRL: +3 (finished, +13 overall at the end) FTG: +8 Notes: TEAM IS EXTREMELY FATIGUED. Team finished at about 10:45 am.

TBDC: 61 mi OD: 1342 mi MRL: -1 (+14 overall at the end) FTG: +0 Notes: Team has stopped at Bishop Peak for 1 hour. Team fails to complete the challenge in time, but does manage to make it to Coronado Beach around 5:30pm

TBDC: 122 mi OD: 1622 mi MRL: -3 (+20 overall at the end) FTG: +3 Notes: TEAM MORALE VERY HIGH. Team does not complete the challenge in time, but does manage to make it to Coronado Beach at around 1:20pm, just BEHIND the Puttz

TBDC: 124 mi OD: 1062 mi MRL: -5 (+3 overall at the end) FTG: +1 Notes: Team didn’t even make it to San Francisco before the end. They end up turning around and not completing, at Granny’s request.

TBDC: 125 mi OD: 1598 mi MRL: -3 (+13 overall at the end) FTG: +4 Notes: Team is feeling slightly fatigued. Team did not complete the challenge in time, but does end up making it to Coronado Beach at about 2pm, just behind the Ardent.

TBDC: 86 mi OD: 1465 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Team has stopped for a 30 minute rest at Vandenberg AFB. Team has failed to complete the challenge in time, but does make it to Coronado Beach at about 4:05pm.

TBDC: 120 mi OD: 1615 mi MRL: -3 (+13 overall at the end) FTG: +4 Notes: Team has failed to complete the challenge in time, but does make it to Coronado Beach at about 1:20pm, just AHEAD of the Petoskey.

TBDC: 99 mi OD: 1544 mi MRL: -3 (+18 overall at the end) FTG: +3 Notes: Team fails to complete the challenge in time, but does make it to Coronado Beach just after 3pm.

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 130 mi OD: 1693 mi MRL: +5 (+14 overall at the end0 FTG: +5 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued. Team went absolutely balls-out (including some serious evasive driving through LA) and made it… at 11:59 and a few seconds.

TBDC: 69 mi OD: 1624 mi MRL: +2 (+2 overall at the end) FTG: +15 Notes: TEAM IS EXHAUSTED TO THE POINT OF DELIRIUM. Team arrives at approximately 11:30am.

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 64 mi OD: 1693 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +7 Notes: TEAM IS VERY FATIGUED. Team finishes at about 11:15am.

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

Rick stared at his watch as the last few seconds ticked away. “That’s it. Game over. We didn’t make it.”

Jen took her right hand off the wheel and rubbed her husband’s shoulder. “Not in time to win anything, but we’ll make it anyway.”

“Yeah, I guess. She keeps going,” he replied, patting the Chancellor’s cracked dashboard with his hand.

“Screw it!” Buzz interjected. “It’s vacation! Let’s finish this thing out and go see the sights. San Diego Zoo, anyone?”

Agreement on that point was easy and immediate.


Alrighty folks, time for those lucky 5 teams that actually made it (in time) to enjoy their private beach party, with a pair of top-notch food trucks (one taco truck, one burger truck), free flowing margaritas and beer, and lots of sun, sand, and music.

Oh, and awards. Those too.

5th place finisher: @koolkei / @FrankNSTein
4th place finisher: @Rk38
3rd place finisher: @Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
2nd place finisher AND closest to average FINISH time: @Vri404
1st place finisher: @TheBobWiley

Hard Luck award: @HighOctaneLove
Ballsy award: @yurimacs
Zen award: @BobLoblaw

RP award: Well hell, I’m gonna just give out a bunch. @Madrias, @strop, @BailsMackenzie, @DeusExMackia… I think that cover it for now.

Thank you, everyone, for your participation! I will be back with another installment… at some point! :slight_smile:



Brian’s notes for this leg:

We finally made it to Coronado, but we were three hours late. What’s more important is that we got there in one piece and with our pride intact. And unlike some of the teams that went all the way, we didn’t have any discernible signs of fatigue. We wouldn’t be the last team to arrive, though. An orange hatchback and a blue sedan pulled up in the parking lot within a few hours of our arrival. One can only imagine how much more difficult it was to reach Coronado before noon…

So, after all that, my teammates asked if I should keep the Oswego. After a slight hesitation, I enthusiastically replied, “Definitely! Cars like this are a dying breed, so it’s staying with me - at least for now.” But if I ever have to do this again, I will almost certainly need to adopt a more aggressive strategy. I wouldn’t replace any of my existing crew with new members, though, since they did an excellent job over the past few days. And now, the biggest question on our minds is: What next for us?

Special thanks to @VicVictory for creating and hosting this challenge!


Yeeeee boi, 2nd place! Wish I could’ve done some RP, but school got in the way.

GG to all!

And a special GG to @TheBobWiley


##Team Twin-Snail

Previous Stage

Still shaken by the loss, Luke’s pace didn’t improve any over the next hour. Amy had reached over and set the cruise, mostly because Luke kept losing speed and she was growing tired of seeing cars passing the old Minerva, usually giving the finger because they were recognized as the jerks who sailed around people doing triple-digit speeds.

However, Linda stuck to the plan and gave instructions to Bishop Peak, giving everyone a much-needed break from the car and the bad news. As they wandered around the hiking trail, Luke’s mood seemed to improve some, even after Linda brought up the bad news.

“Well, it’s official. We’re too late to finish.” Linda said. Amy and Scott went to tell her off, but Luke waved his hand lightly.

“It’s okay. It’s not the first time the Raceworks Division has failed. Not the first time I’ve failed, either. Wasn’t willing to risk the drive through the night, wasn’t willing to push the car any harder. 1342 miles. Second-to-last of the driving cars. Second-to-last… Seems to be our legacy.” Luke said.

“Shall we try to make it to the beach anyway?” Amy inquired.

“Perhaps. We’ll be way too late to enjoy any of it, but we can try.” Luke said.

The four of them got back into their dark purple Minerva Midnight and headed back to the highway, continuing toward Coronado Beach.

The mood in the car was grim, though not in a harsh way. They’d gone through the worst of it, and it was now just calm acceptance. Finishing the mission, even though there was nothing in it for them any longer.

At around 3:30 PM, the car showed signs of some issues rising, mostly due to the very long drive and the lack of oil changes since they’d started in Chicago. It started as a simple quiet lifter tick and began progressing from there, though Luke kept going. “We’ve already lost. There’s no point in stopping to fix the car, we’ll go as far as she’ll let us go. We’ll prove our car could handle it, even though we couldn’t.” Luke said.

As 5:00 rolled around, what had started as a quiet lifter tick had turned into a racket under the hood, between valves clicking and a rather substantial rod knock that had developed. It was clear that the Minerva had been on her last legs for a while, and this long highway journey, combined with the engine’s naturally-high oil pressure problem at high RPM, had shortened the engine’s remaining lifespan.

5:30 PM, and team Twin-Snail made it to Coronado Beach with a screeching, wailing engine, the main bearings having gone about 5 miles away from their destination. The car was parked, the ignition switched off, and the engine, having traveled more than 3600 miles in total, shuddered to a stop.

The four members of team Twin-Snail stepped out, looking at the scenery.

“We’ll need to find a way back to Chicago.” Amy said after a few minutes, breaking the silence.

“Plane tickets. No more driving, not for a little while, at least.” Luke said.

“Plus, it’s not like the Minerva’s going anywhere after all of this. Engine’s screwed.” Linda said.

“True, but… It would feel wrong to just leave it here.” Scott said. “Sure, it’s Longitudinal FWD, and we don’t have anything that’ll fit in it, but… I know a guy.”

Everyone looked to Scott, seeming curious.

“Well, he’s been looking for a project car. A good donor body with little rust, and a big engine compartment. The Minerva has those things. He’s got this engine from a wrecked Gunslinger, the 3.0 AluStar V6. Twin Turbo.”

Amy gave a visible wince. “Ouch. GTX Turbo… How’d he wreck that?”

“Someone clobbered it with a lifted truck. Completely totaled the front of the car. Engine’s fine, and, well, he planned to put that engine in a sedan, make a light sleeper.”

“So your plan is to deliver this car to him in exchange for what?” Luke asked.

“Well, he has this 2010 Serenity…”

“You’re driving.” Luke said.

Meanwhile, in a different city, with a different team of hooligans:

“Dude, look at this!” Mark said, tossing his friend the paper.

“What the fuck!? Why’d you buy a paper in the first place?” Cody said, though looked at the ad Mark pointed out.

“Well, needed something to start the grill with, and someone left the door on the paper box open, so I grabbed a couple. But there’s something you gotta see in there.”

“Buy a shitbox for $500 or less, and race it? Yeah, we could do that. Let me call my friend at the junkyard, see if he knows of anything.”

“I think we ought to have a plan.” Mark said after a few moments.

“The plan is simple. Cheap shitbox from Trev’s place, we show up, annoy the fuck out of everyone, and have a ton of fun.” Cody said, giving a wicked grin.

“Should I bring Bob?”

“Yeah, I don’t see why we can’t bring the kleptomaniac robot along. Just, um, disable the trash-masher so if he takes our stuff, we don’t get nothin’ but a bunch of smashed chips and oil bottles.”

Yeah, I have a plan for the next one already, no, you’re not going to like these guys, and I can say this: I’ll have a lot of fun with characters I don’t have to keep 100% by the book.

Thank you to @VicVictory for holding this challenge!


100% agree with those awards and props for putting the challenge together. Thanks for that, and thanks also to those who were good sports and suffered my roleplaying :joy:

I will probably be writing the remaining leg as Team Formerly FFC hire a car in Eureka then blast the hell outta dodge to try and catch the windup party in SD. If anyone wants to stick around for that then we can swing something. We’ll probably arrive a full day after everyone else but. We will be bringing Danish beer.

If nobody is there then I guess we’ll be getting absolutely rickety-rickety-WRECKED SON by ourselves!


My team will still be lazing around the place, we don’t head up to Disney until “day 5”. :slight_smile:


Team Mr Hankey

Sunday 4-6
Toni: Can we actually get somewhere today?
Bill: Yeah, man. Move it. You drive like my mother… apparently.
Wookiee: Speedo says 65/105. I love these dual calibrated gauges.
Toni: What did it say around that last corner?
Wookiee: Same. Why?
Toni: Go faster. Humour me.
(Tacho climbs … speedo doesn’t)
Wookiee: Ha. Stuck. Guess work it is.

Dateline: Sunday 6-8am

Sometime around 7:39:46.20
Bill: Hey! There’s that blue car again! The one from the motel!
Toni: Another one bites the dust. Keep going.


Bill: Hey, dick. You ever had a speeding fine?
Wookiee: Where I come from, we just talk really nice and feed the cop a good line. Nobody gets tickets there.
Bill: I’d love to see this work.
Wookiee: You want me to get a fine?
Bill: No. I want you to try to get out of the one you just earned. Look in the mirror.
(Toni turns and Wookiee checks the mirror)
Wookiee: Ahhhh… Shit, bro!

That’s enough from me.
Congrats to the top 5 (and award winners) and thanks to @VicVictory for hosting this challenge. Some fantastic RP from the teams.


Team Bamford

The monster argument alluded to in the previous post occurred just after Long Beach, they’d enjoyed the sights of the race track and were in a good mood before they found out they were going to miss the party for finishing.

Jason argued that the terrible fuel economy of the car cost them while Ken tried to defend and blame one of his engine designs for being too slow. Phil wasn’t having any bad words on his car and blamed the other drivers while Simon did what he did best, kept quiet.

In the end, they followed the Ardent into San Diego and the team wound up at the beach, managing to score a hamburger each and a beer from the food vans as they left.

“I didn’t even know there was a party, I just wanted to finish the race on time!” laughed Jason

“Well, we made it” said Simon “Even if we did argue like mad over the last four hours”

Phil gave a rueful smile under his swollen cheeks “If we ever do this again, we’re taking something fast”

“I’d like to do this again, I know I spent most of the time bitching, but damn, we had some fun didn’t we, going through those old CD’s and talking away the miles” began Ken “I’d like to spend a bit more time with you guys back in England, if you’re ever in Silverstone that is”

“Sounds like a plan, what’s the idea?” asked Phil

“I figure a track-day with a few of my old touring cars, something fun and we can all go back to our homes at the end of it”

“Now that sounds like fun” said Jason, in-between sips of his beer.

The sun set by the time the quad left San Diego and headed back to LA.

“So what now?” asked Simon

“We’ll go to LA for the night and then back to the petrol station for Phil’s police report, then we can go back to LA and put this baby on a plane, then we’ll stay another night in LA and leave the next day” stated Ken, with an air of authority about himself.

“And what about Phil?” asked Jason

“I’m leaving you guys at the petrol station and heading up to Petaluma, I’ll find some way of getting up there”

“Sounds like something you’d do” replied Jason

Tuesday after the race

The trio left on a plane headed for London with news that the Bamford would be at Heathrow in four days, after going via Germany and Poland on a sort-of world tour.

They were eagerly discussing one thing on the flight, restoring the Bamford, it seemed that since the car held together for over 2000 miles of high-speed driving that it deserved to be restored to it’s V6 glory and Ken was already lining up mates of his who wanted an I3 “Workhorse” for their industrial engine collections.

Jason checked his phone for a moment and started laughing, showing the lone image that Phil had sent him to the other two set them laughing as well.

Phil had put in his statements and had told them earlier that the “beast” who broke his face was looking at a month or two behind bars. Meanwhile, he’d gone looking for a used car in Santa Maria and had found a very used almost-black Dodge Monaco for $400, he added in his text that he’d painted the doors white with a rattle can and was cruising back to Petaluma and Lucy over the next day.

And there was the picture, Phil sitting on the bonnet of a Bluesmobile with his sunglasses on, because if you’re going to do roadtrips in America for two weeks with your new girl, you’re gonna need a fast set of wheels and a little divine intervention to keep you going.

Some time later

Ken was sitting at his home in Willbury, a stones throw away from Silverstone and the Bamtech factory, it was a blue week for him, he’d gone up to see his old friend Eric Broadley from Lola the week before and had just seen on the news that Eric had died last night, Simon had flown back to India to spend some time working at Teuton on a new sports car design and Jason was off working in Scotland for a fortnight while Phil kept delaying his trip home.

Just then, his phone rang.

“Hey Kenny! It’s Phillip here!”

The old man smiled “Hey idiot, what’s the call for?”

“I’m coming into Heathrow in three hours, do you mind coming to pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll be there soon, what car do you want me to bring, one of the two seaters for a fast trip home?”

“Oh, ah… no, that’ll be alright, you just come in a taxi, we, ah, we’ve got a car”

“We?” asked Ken “You don’t mean…?”

“I ah, do sort of, yeah, Lucy’s on the flight with me, her dad let her come over for a month or four after he found out that I, uhhh work for you?”

“So you’ve gone and told her all these lies and you need me to back you up?”

“Only that I work for you, do you have any jobs going?”

“As it happens, I do, I’m looking for someone to work with me in the design team and you’re the sort of fellow we need to get the youth market on side”

“Really? Well, gee, thanks Ken, that’s great, I was sorta looking for work before the trip anyway, that’s great!”

“That’s alright, Simon’s been pushing for me to give you a job anyway”

Silence for a moment, before a sudden realization struck Ken like a cold block of ice down his pants.

“Did you say you’ve got a car?” yelled Ken

“I might have bought the Dodge over with me”

“You might have?”

“And I might need you to pay for the Airfreight costs too…”

“Can I just ask why?” groaned Ken

“… I’m on a mission from god?”

“I’ll see you at the terminal smartarse” said Ken, hanging up his phone, muttering to himself.

“And I just need a taxi to get me there, so help me god, I’ll kick your arse if you keep buying landships and making me pay for them!”