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The Kinda Grand Tour [FINALE]


One final note…

There should be no ass hair in those fumes.

Just saying :wink:


As if owning a Saminda didn’t cause him enough trouble :joy:


Team ‘Routed…

Original Post | Previous Post

Unaware of the noxious gases fuming between the teams caught up in a straight fight ahead. Team 'Routed...' continued their climb from the bottom of the pack.

Dan wasn’t feeling right. Maybe he did overdo it with the breakfast. He felt a shiver down his spine. Something stuck him like a bolt of lightning. The drive must have been getting to him. Brought up some bad memories. A time he’d rather forget one fateful day. Driving his recalled Saminda home that fateful night. Smoke billowing out of the engine and filling the cabin right in the heart of peak Sydney traffic. He caused another jam delaying even more traffic. It was awful. But thankfully, in this case, the Maesima only suffered a minor fault and team could push on.

In fact, as the team passed the aquarium they spotted what seemed to be Team Twin-Snail. It sure looked like their 98 Minerva Midnight. One of them…seemed to be checking the tyres.

“Hey, guy! Isn’t that the twin-snaill team car?” Dan boomed. Alerting Sam from his now somewhat charged and indeed still charging phone.

“Whoa, I think it is…” Sam said looking up from the device. “Awesome, we’re not last!”

Mitch stirred from his slumber. “Wha-What’s all this about…”

By the time Mitch finally gained control of his senses. The the aquarium had long passed. He wondered what all the commotion was about waking him from his well-earnt rest. Something about a broken down car or team. He only caught a glimpse. But…that man was working on the car with such speed and efficiency. He almost seemed kind of like a machine…? No I must of still been day dreaming Mitch thought. Oh Why’d I give up my soft cloud memory bed at home. Plus all those holidays for this…At least, it wasn’t that bone shaking NV-993.

Still, things were looking a little brighter for the group now. They had one less team to worry about catching up too. Time to crank on the radio. It was blaring out something unbearably monotonous… Trump is or that…ugh is there no escape. Thankfully the Maesima came with cassette tape deck. Dan clicked in one of the many tapes that was inexplicably lying around the cabin.

Driving down these lovely winding roads as the sun appears from behind the clouds. All their worries disappeared as the music boomed. Everything sure felt like sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.


You do realize once we pass you again, it will be with all the subtlety of a diesel locomotive.


The way things have been going we’ll be lucky if we’re still under our own power when that happens :stuck_out_tongue:


team 1'); drop table participants; --

Introduction  |  Previously

Saturday, 8am-noon

Da Wei is noticably getting a bit bored after his usb full of his music was broken, and the radio stations are all junk. According to him. That is when, suddenly a yellow speck is showing on the rear view mirror, and is noticeably getting bigger, and bigger, until it can be clearly seen, that it’s the Cowys team car.

Da Wei : so. Hurtling towards us like that. It seems they want some revenge. Shall we stand by and see what they’re gonna try and want to do?

Frank: Haha. Let’s wait and see.

The yellow car keeps getting bigger and bigger, and closer, and even closer, and…… a bit too close.

Da Wei: a bit too close…. I guess their driver is just that confident then

Suddenly a silenced engine roar was heard. Roooooooooooaaaannnng. While the yellow car pulls away with all it’s might and tapping our rearview mirror in the process.

Silence…… we both looked at each other. And then bursted out in laughter


Both laughed so hard until their belly hurts. They were preparing themselves for something really bad. Da Wei, still driving, could barely keep the wheel straight, so the car wobbled just a little

Da Wei: That’s it?? That was their revenge plan? That was…. Underwhelming to say the least. Hahahahaha it barely made us flinch. They don’t know what’s in here do they? The sound deadening here is amazing!

Frank : Haha. They’re still ahead of us though.

Despite us trying to keep up the pace, the Gamma gains more and more of a distance.

Da Wei: huh. Foot flat to the floor. Are we losing power? There’s no engine check li…… oh…. The engine temp is up there. We’ve been pushing this car too for too long. It’s a 40yo radiator after all. And on that case, also ourselves.

Frank: Oh, crap. So let’s take it easy for a while.

Da Wei : look it up on the GPS. any place within an hour or a bit that has good food and a place to take a nap?

Frank: There’s this town coming up, Newport. We’ll have to refuel as well so lets take a quick stop there. I can then take the wheel for a while if you like.

Da Wei : how far?

Frank: Only a couple miles. We should be there in a few minutes.

Da Wei: Sure. but for now. I’m gonna go under the speed limit for once….

Minutes later, in Newport, while Da Wei refueled the car and let it cool down for a while, Frank went to get some Pizza for them both to eat. When Frank came back, the car was already parked on the side of the gas station and Da Wei were already fast asleep on the passenger seat, but waken up when Frank came back.

Frank: Here. Got us something to eat. Let’s share it, four slices each.

A slice of pizza in hand, Frank slowly continued on driving.

Morale: +1 (+6 total)
Fatigue: +3 (+7 total)


Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, Noon - 2pm

Weather Conditions: 68 degrees. Mostly sunny. Traffic on the highway is picking up; it’s a lovely weekend day.

All vehicles are on US101 South.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Any POI you can find/message me about between Eureka, CA and San Francisco, CA.

Next Waypoint(s): Bullards Beach, OR, Humboldt Botanical Garden, Eureka, CA, Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, CA.

TBDC: 110 mi OD: 709 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullards Beach. Refueled in Coos Bay, OR.

TBDC: 112 mi OD: 818 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: This team is now in California.

TBDC: 92 mi OD: 619 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Seal Rock. Brake repair is complete and issue is resolved.

TBDC: 57 mi OD: 768 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Team has stopped for an hour for food and rest at Harris Beach State Park, a few minutes after noon.

TBDC: 109 mi OD: 675 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullards Beach. Refueled in Coos Bay, OR. Car’s terrible comfort is starting to wear on the team.

TBDC: 104 mi OD: 754 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: Team has refueled in Sixes, OR.

TBDC: 109 mi OD: 759 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +1 Notes: The car has developed an intermittent but significant misfire and a SES light.

TBDC: 91 mi OD: 718 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullards Beach. Alternator repair is complete.

TBDC: 124 mi OD: 752 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullards Beach

TBDC: 92 mi OD: 776 mi MRL: -10 FTG: +3 Notes: Left front ball joint fails, leading to a crash. No injuries on the team, but the car is undrivable. Overall Morale at the end: -2 (Crashes are scary)

TBDC: 120 mi OD: 780 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None.

@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 103 mi OD: 715 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullards Beach. Refueled in Coos Bay, OR.

TBDC: 119 mi OD: 699 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +1 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullards Beach. Team has refueled in Coos Bay, OR.

TBDC: 125 mi OD: 756 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullards Beach.

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 114 mi OD: 834 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued. Team is now in California.

TBDC: 111 mi OD: 646 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullard Beach. Team has refueled in Coos Bay, OR.

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 110 mi OD: 839 mi MRL:+0 FTG: +3 Notes: Team is now in California.

TBDC: 97 mi OD: 704 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullards Beach. Team has refueled in Coos Bay, OR.

The following cars are within visual range or in a pack:


Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

(a few miles past Bullards Beach)

Jen sniffed at the air, trying to ensure herself that something terrible had indeed replaced the smell of ocean air. She was then aware that Fuzz was rustling around in the back seat.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Making a sandwich. I’m hungry,” he replied.

“A sandwich? With what? We didn’t bring any sandwich fixings.”

Fuzz scoffed. “You went to college, I’m sure you had to make up food out of random stuff.”

“Well what the hell do you have?”

“PBJ. Sorta.”

“Sorta?” she was almost afraid to ask.

“Granola bars for the bread. A couple packets of jam I took from the hotel this morning. And this jar of peanut butter stuff that those Aussies gave us.”

Peanut butter? She thought a moment too late.

Fuzz bit into his “sandwich”. His eyes shot wide and his entire face puckered up. Yet he still chewed it, and forcefully swallowed it.

“Oh god, it tastes like vulcanized butthole!”

Both Jen and Rick looked back at him in astonishment.

“What?” Rick choked. “How do you…”

“No, don’t ask,” Jen interrupted. “For God’s sake, don’t ask.”

Despite the obvious culinary pain he was suffering, Fuzz took another bite.

“Dear God, what’s wrong with you? Stop it!” Rick snapped.

“But it’s free food!”

Rick snatched the jar from Fuzz’s possession. “Vegemite. Oh you poor idiot…”

Fuzz finished off the last bite.

“… I stand corrected. You masochistic idiot…”


#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post

The story so far: With the alternator broken, the boys have been held up in Coos Bay. Thankfully however, the best student mechanic on the planet (probably) is here to help them…

The clinking of the ratchet stopped, and Martin took his head out of the engine bay. “Alright Seb, fire her up”.
The 1.6l i4 rumbled a bit, paused, and then burst back into life. All three of them cheered.
“Good job mate” said James, patting him on the back. “I’ll buy you something as a present”
“Nah, nah, we need to get on the road” Martin replied, but James was already running into the petrol station shop.

A few minutes later, he came back out again with a plastic bad and a grin on his face.
“What have you got me then?” Martin said sarcastically. James handed him the bag.
“Ahh” Martin laughed, uneasily, “Ha ha, Blueberry Pancake Corn Dogs. Very nice, thank you”
“Well we had to get something weird while we were here” said James, chirpily.
“I supposed we did”
“What about lunch though?” Seb asked.
“Good question my man” James replied, grabbing a cool bag that was next to him. “I have leftover chicken, mayo and salad sandwiches!”
“Goddamit man you are good” said Seb, taking his. Having had chicken drum sticks for dinner last night, James was not going to let any of the remainders go to waste.
And with that, they hit the road once more.


With no one else in sight now, they presumed they were probably in the middle of the pack. Still, that didn’t matter; they had the windows open, the Pacific to their right and a proper American road to blast down. And even if the Merna wasn’t a speed machine, they could still get up to an incredible speed of 55 mph.

And once again, their soundtrack wasn’t half bad either.

“I’m telling you, this is most amazing drive I’ve ever done” said Martin, now behind the wheel again.
“I’m with you there” said James. They soon forgot about the hold up in Coos Bay; this was turning into a properly amazing holiday for them.

“Can’t say these corn dogs are very nice James” said Martin.
James pretended to be offended. “What? American food that isn’t nice? Shocking!”
“Well some American food is nice” said Seb. “The chocolate bars, sorry, candy bars here are nice”
“But come on, the cuisine is terrible in the grand scheme of things” said James.
“Oh no, are you about to go food snob on us?” said Martin.
“Yes I am Martin, yes I am. How can a country with access to so many food types and so many people living in it come up with such trashy food?”
“Well, hang on, you cooked us that Jambalaya a few months back and you said you loved it?”

James paused. “OK, the majority of American cuisine is rubbish, but food from the deep south is quite nice”
“Come come James, are you suggesting you of all people don’t like a proper cheese burger?” said Martin.
“Er, no” he retorted “I’m saying I like my burger to be a proper English pub one that’s been made with actual cow innards and not processed meat from some factory farm”
“It still tastes good though, doesn’t it?” entered Seb.
“No, no, I’m sorry, American cooking doesn’t have anywhere near the finesse of European cooking or the excitement of Asian food or the warmth of Afro-Caribbean stuff”

Martin and Seb paused, and then started laughing.
“What?” James replied, getting a little hot under the collar?
“You sound like you’re in some fucking cooking show or a food magazine!” said Seb, smacking the map against the dashboard as he laughed.
“Well…” - James was blushing now - “Maybe that’s what I want to do with my life”
The other two stopped. “Wait, seriously?” said Seb.
“Yeah” said James, as though it should have been obvious. “I’d love to be a TV chef”
“Wow” said Seb, surprised. “That’s quite a nice ambition”
“Seriously, I would. I love cooking and I love showing people how to cook”.
“Good for you man” said Martin.

It was weird how well they knew one another and yet how little they knew about another too. If you met James, you wouldn’t guess in a million years that he wanted to be a celebrity chef. He may well have fitted the typical description for a lad, but there was far more too him than that.



Brian’s notes for this leg:

Having made it to Bullards Beach in one piece, we are increasingly confident that we will finish this trip. Morale is now at an all-time high. En route, we heard a disturbing rumor that another team has crashed out. Amy suggested that it was due to a suspension failure, but until we discover the crash site, we’ll never know for certain. On a more positive note, refueling went ahead as usual, with no problems at all.


Previous Post || Next Post

Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 2: noon-2pm

Traffic begins to pickup after leaving Brandon and the two-lane road is making it difficult to pass. After our encounter with team FFC we are bound determined to drive the car into the ground in an attempt to gain some ground back today. A little while outside of Brandon we were cruising along the 101 waiting for a gap in oncoming traffic so we could jump ahead a few cars. There was a beige 80’s land-yacht traveling a solid 15mph under the posted limit that we HAD to get around. Finally, a break in the traffic and nice long stretch of road with no blind corners, we went for it.

BANG, BANG, sputtering noises

Bob: O god, what now? Misfires??

Ryan: I bet that flame attack did a bit more damage than we thought. Probably a fouled spark plug or two, the air filter might be done for as well.

Jason: Please don’t tell me it’s going to kee…


As the car finally passed the little old man driving his beige behemoth the car shuddered and misfired again

Bob: We are gonna have to stop and get that checked out… but I really want to get to Eureka before we stop, we need to make up some time from all the stops this morning.

Jason: This is going to drive me in…

BANG!!, more sputtering

Bob: At least we are maintaining highway speeds.

Day 2: ~2:30pm

Bob was driving aggressively down the 101, looking for any chance to pass that he could.

Bob: Do you guys smell that? It’s that damn Fart team, we must be catching up to them. I bet they got stuck in traffic, serves them right.

As we come around a bend in the road, stuck behind a slow moving vehicle we saw a grave site, the Flaming Fart Cannon’s super hot hatch was embedded in the dirt off the side of the road. The entire front left side was destroyed and obviously hit the dirt at speed. It looked as if the car had tried to dig itself a shallow grave.

Ryan: Such a magnificent car, it was too young…

Bob: Tearing up a bit You maniacs… you blew it up!! Damn you!! God damn you all to hell!!

Luckily the entire FFC team was standing off to the side mourning the loss of their car. Jason grabbed one of the few remaining beers in the rear of the car, opened the back window, and poured one out for our fallen comrades. Then Bob slammed the gas pedal as an opening appeared and with a vicious misfiring, shot off away from FFC whom just looked up and saw us passing them.

Bob: Well, maybe that was a good sign, maybe it means we are destined to prevail!

Ryan: Or it means all these crap cars are on their last legs and we could be next…

Bob: Nobody likes a pessimist…

Ryan reaches over and pulls the aux cable from my phone and plugs it into his.

Morale: +12 (Morale decreases as car begins misfiring)
Fatigue: +2 (No stops)


Team Riot UnControl


#Saturday, Midnight - 6am

While Paul is having a good snooze, Aaron is having some problems feeling comfy.
But one trip to the minibar later fixes this problem.

#Saturday, 6am - 8am

The Phone was ringing in Paul’s room.
“Mrgh…” Paul hides in his sheets while the phone is getting louder and louder.
Suddenly the music stops.
A loud bang comes from the door
Furious Paul gets out the bed and tramples to the door.
With a fast swing the door opens.
" WAS !"
Aaron was standing on the other side, still wearing his suit.
“Get dressed, we have to move.”

30 mins later both brother meet at the car.
“Hey it didn’t got stolen !”, Paul mentions.
“Yes, I know. I am also disappointed” Aaron adds.

Both get in the Car and drive off.

#Saturday, 8am - 10am

“So where is the next checkpoint ?”
“It is,” Aaron looks through multiple papers " ‘Seal Rock’ "
“OH OH” , Paul starts to jump up and down in his seat " I hope we can see some seal ! I like seal, they are cute"
“We are here to do a race”
“But seals !”
“FINE, do whatever you want !”
“I want seals…”

#Saturday, 10am - noon

The team is casualy driving on the highway.
Paul notices something in the rear mirror.
“Is that a cop car ?”
Aaron turns around “Seems like it. Just get on the other side of the road so they can pass you”
With that the boat changes lane and so does the police vehicle.
"Ummm, it is still following "
“But why ? Are you driving to fast ?”
“Well the gauges say…” Paul was cut short by the sound of a siren turning on.


“FUCK” both said
The car slowly drifts on the hard shoulder and stops. Behind it ,the police cruiser stops.
“I have seen this on YouTube Aaron, just play along !”
“What is your plan ? "
There was a light tab on the glass. The Policeman was standing next to them.
Slowly the window rolls down.
“Do you know why i stopped you ?” the cop , who looks like the came straight from the 70’s , asks
" AM I BEING DETAINED ?!” Paul screams , visibly frighten.
After this sentences follows a smack from Aaron.
Paul hold his head.
“Sorry Officer, he is a … um how do you tell in your language? umm ah, an Idiot”
“I can see that, Identification and Registration” the cop says without moving an inch.
“Ohh yes yes !” Aaron says and searches for the papers.
“Where is the Registration Paul ?” Aaron whispers to his driver.
“The what ?”
“The Papers”
“Well you see…”

“Is there a problem ?” the cop says
“Well,” Aaron starts talking " We don’t know where the papers are. Sorry"
“I see. Could you too please get out the vehicle” the policeman nods to Paul
“Yeah sure.”
Paul leaves the vehicle and gets instantly cuffed.
His face is getting pressed on the softtop.
“You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions.
Anything you say may be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future.
If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish.
If you decide to answer questions now without an attorney present, you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney.
Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions without an attorney present?”
" You are wanted for Grand Theft, Spoliation of evidence and driving without a valid registration. You, Yellow suit stay in the vehicle, you are going with him"

Just minutes later both brother where sitting cuffed in the back of the cruiser.
“If i could strangle you, i would you know”
“I forgive you to Aaron”
"SILENCE " the cop ordered them

“Next time i buy the car” Aaron adds.

With that the cruiser heads to the next police station and
the car gets put on a flatbed and moved to a impound.

“Yeah and that was our vacation”, Paul says while putting his beer down.
He was sitting i a pub, at a table with other people around him
“And how did you tow not go to jail”, one of the friends ask
Aaron comes back from the toilet.
“Well we told them everything we knew and they dropped the charge for Grand Theft. They still found enough stuff in the car to use as evidence. But we had to pay the ticket for driving without registration”
“Well, then everything went sorta okay ?” another person asks
“If you don’t add the money and time spend on the car, i guess”
"You gonna do another tour again " the same person asks again.
Paul and Aaron both look at each other.
With a smile Aaron answers:
“Yes. Totally ! But next time i get a car”


Team Mountain Pass

Saturday, day two, 10am to 2pm

Team information

It seems I owe Kyle an apology; this Bogliq sure can eat up the miles! I started the day with fire in my eyes and lead in my feet. I wanted to taste the sweet scent of victory over Team Fart Can but it turns out that it’s rather pungent and cloying! I asked about the “flame painted hatch” at our midday fuel stop and he said they’d been there an hour ago, but the lingering stench of gastric distress still hadn’t left the immediate area of pump 6 where they refuelled!

Powering along the highway searching for my prey really buoyed our spirits; we were making great time! Then I saw it. The black, flame scarred Corolla of Team Fart Can! It was on a tow-truck with the LH-front wheel and suspension pushed back against the body work at a horrific angle… They were out! We didn’t stop. No time. I steamed onwards, feeling a hollowness inside, my rivals vanquished by fate, not my hand, but my desire to win still intact. Undeterred I planted my foot into the cheap carpet and the Ambassador vanished into horizon!

Distance travelled this session: 243 miles
Distance travelled so far: 749 miles
Team Morale: +2 (+15 total) The vengeance demon has been sated and replaced by steely determination to win!!!
Team Fatigue: +3 (+3 total) 6 hours virtually non-stop means that the interior of the Ambassador is getting kinda small…


Extra bonus points for @TheBobWiley for his appropriate use of Amazing Grace on the bagpipes.


On one hand: nooooo! Toothless!!!

On the other hand: oh thank God, I don’t know how much further I could have taken it before descending into behaviour with permanently canon altering consequences…

Now to prepare the Viking funeral…


##Team Twin-Snail

Previous Stage

With the Aquarium stop completed, the rear brakes fixed in record time, and a target locked, the poor Maesima NL-992 of Team Routed that had breezed past them while Luke was busy with the brakes on the car, team Twin Snail got into their dark midnight-purple Minerva and started the engine.

“Scott, fitting music if you please.” Luke said, reaching under the dash and hooking up the OBD-II end of the cable. The DB-25 end was screwed into an adapter, and the 50-pin adapter was connected to Luke’s main input/output header. For Luke, he saw a wealth of information about the car, but what he was mostly looking for was the TCM, so that he could over-ride the automatic and force the car to do what he wanted for once.

As they cruised out onto the road, Luke gave the transmission over-rides a try, forcing the line pressure to full, then bang-shifting the car into third, skipping second. The car lurched fiercely, snarled, then began quickly accelerating.

“The hell, Luke!?” Linda grumbled from the back seat. “Why do you have to do that?”

“I’m in full control now. That was just a test.”

Soon after, Scott had the perfect song blaring on the radio.

It didn’t take long for the old Minerva to be breaking the speed limit again, as they now had the ability to slow down in the event they actually needed to do so. As a result, they hurtled around the highway at speeds exceeding 80 MPH, making up time. The weaving between lanes started again as Luke squeezed the Executive Land Barge that was the Minerva Midnight into spaces most people wouldn’t have tried to fit a Fiat 500.


Car: Seems repaired. Overrides in place for maximum performance gain without trying to kill the car.

Team: On the road again, with Luke driving like an android with a mission.

MRL: +16 (+1) “Good brakes = good speed.”
FTG: =0 (+2) “Must you really drive like that, Luke!? You nearly ran that car off the road!”


3/4 of the Bamford team will be devastated once they find out that the GG team is out of the running, only because the naive youth in the team have yet to be on the receiving end of Strop’s backside.

And I was so eager to see where you went from there. (secretly hoping for bank robbery or something)

Gonna be away until my Sunday so I’ll update Team Bamford then, after all, we’re only taking a fuel stop, What could possibly go wrong?



(Blake is chopping up leftover vegetables for more stir fry)

Blake: These beets are made for wokkin’ and that’s just what they’ll do.
One of these days these beets will make a stir fry out of you!
Are you ready beets? Start wokkin! (while chopping) Ba da da da bum ba da da da bum…

Luigi: He really gets into it doesn’t he?

Marc: His fault for marrying someone who burns water.

(The team sits down to lunch and rests)

Luigi: Can we afford an hour delay?

Marc: Well, there’s no sense pushing if we end up killing ourselves. Besides, I think there’s only a couple people ahead of us.

(The team returns to the road)

Luigi: That looks like one of the other teams.

Blake: Damn, looks like they swerved off the road. Probably some failure in the steering.

Marc: I’d almost forgotten about the chances of breakdown. Now you just keep on running Missy!

Blake: Missy?

Marc: That’s the cars name.

Luigi: What gives you the right to name the car?

Marc: Because I don’t drive it like a senile octogenarian!

Blake: And why was I not consulted?

Marc: Because I thought of it first. Besides, I’m the one with a gun remember?

Blake: Right.

Luigi: Ah, the gun. Total compensation.

Marc: Go ahead and get lippy. I got a taser back home that would love to meet your balls.

Luigi: That’s abuse of police property!

Marc: Not if I get the Chief’s position.

Blake: What was that?

Marc: Hayes is retiring, and I’m throwing my hat into the ring.

Blake: Aren’t you up for retirement in two years?

Marc: Yup, and that’ll pad my pension nicely. Provided I get the job.

Luigi: You will, there’s nobody alive who can suck a promotion out of a cazzo better than you.


Saturday 8-10am

Wookiee: That was exciting…not. I’ve seen fish before.
Bill: Well, I thought it’d be nice to have a look. Besides, weren’t there that long.

Saturday 10-12 (Approx 11:45)
Bill: Coos bay? What kind of name is that?
Toni: Who cares. Just find somewhere to fill up. Then I’m taking the wheel for bit. You drive like your mother.
Bill: What’s wrong with driving like my mother?
Toni: Nothing, if you’re in a goat-powered buggy. She once took 15 minutes to drive you to school.
Bill: What’s so bad about that?
Toni: It was a 10 minute walk! I’m itching to get some speed on.
------ 10 minutes later----
Bill: Why were those people asking me about the guys in the little black car? How would I know who it was?
Wookiee: Here’s a clue. It had flames on it.
Bill: Flames? Are they ok?
Wookiee: Painted, you idiot! It was that riced up old corolla. That Kai bloke is a nutter.
Toni: He’s the one that ripped a handbrake turn between the trams in front of the Queen Vic market in Melbourne.
Wookiee: Sounds about right.
(Toni turned the Model 60 into the McDonald’s on Broadway.)
Toni: After this, we move. I’ll show you how this thing should be driven.


Team Bamford

(I’m meant to refuel at Sixes, but the nearest petrol station is 5 miles away at Port Orford, so I’m gonna refuel at Sixes anyway.)

The small rural town of Sixes came into view and Phil eased the big boat off the road and into the parking lot of the local post office.

“Why are we stopping here?” asked Simon

“We’re buying fuel” replied Phil

“But this place looks abandoned, there aren’t even any pumps in the forecourt!”

“Doesn’t matter, we’re buying fuel here”

Phil walked into the post office, flanked by Jason, who assumed stupidity on Phil’s behalf and started talking first.

“We’re looking for a place that sells fuel, know of anywhere nearby?” asked Jason

The lady behind the counter smiled “Yes dear, just five miles down the road, in Port…”

“No” interrupted Phil, who suddenly took on this mysterious presence of power.

“We’re here for fuel”

“B-b-b-ut we don’t sell fuel” she stammered back

Phil lowered his sunglasses “We are here to buy some fuel”

The lady looked nervous “Bud! Come out here now!”

Her elderly Father walked into the small room, commanding a presence more powerful than Phillip’s.

“These men want to buy fuel, but we don’t sell any”

Phil smiled one of those dirty Cheshire cat grins and lent onto the counter “We are here to buy fuel”

Bud stared him down.

“Erwin Baker told me that you sold fuel”

His expression changed instantly from anger to suprise “This way please” he said while he gestured to a door near the back of the building.

“Ring up some fuel darling” he said, guiding the duo through the doorway.

The light flickered on in the small garage at the rear of the building and they were instantly met by the angry shape of a 1970’s Dodge Challenger coated in a mean red paint job and some drag tyres that’d make a road roller jealous, as the boys drooled over the car Bud produced a trolley carrying a 44 Gallon drum of “Road Fuel” and they headed out to the car park to fill the Bamford, much to the confusion of Ken and Simon.

The deal done, money exchanged and the red Bamford rolled slowly out of the car park and onto the main highway.

“What was all that about?” asked Jason

“We did a deal with a devil” replied Phil


Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 2pm - 4pm

Weather Conditions: 72 degrees. Mostly sunny. Traffic on the highway is significant along all points; midday on a wonderful weekend day.

All vehicles are on US101 South.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Any POI you can find/message me about between Eureka, CA and San Francisco, CA.

Next Waypoint(s): Bullards Beach, OR, Humboldt Botanical Garden, Eureka, CA, Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, CA.

TBDC: 122 mi OD: 831 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: None

TBDC: 113 mi OD: 931 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Team has fueled up in Eureka, expecting a long period to the next reasonable fuel stop. Team is feeling fatigued.

TBDC: 112 mi OD: 731 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullards Beach. Refueled in Coos Bay, OR.

TBDC: 105 mi OD: 873 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint Completed: Humbold Botanical Garden. Team has refueled in Eureka. They have spent much of this leg stuck in traffic.

TBDC: 119 mi OD: 794 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued.

TBDC: 117 mi OD: 871 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint Completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Car’s poor comfort is wearing on the team. Team is starting to feel fatigued.

TBDC: 89 mi OD: 848 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypoint Completed: Humboldt Botanical Garden. Team has stopped for some rest, fuel, and to diagnose their issue. Repair will be completed shortly into the next time period; it’s a bad coil pack, and one was among the spares in the car.

TBDC: 113 mi OD: 831 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Team is starting to feel fatigued.

TBDC: 113 mi OD: 865 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Team has refueled in Eureka.

TBDC: 114 mi OD: 894 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humbold Botanical Gardens. Refueled in Eureka.

@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 114 mi OD: 715 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +5 Notes: Team is starting to feel fatigued.

TBDC: 113 mi OD: 812 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None.

TBDC: 109 mi OD: 865 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Car’s lack of comfort is starting to wear on the team. Team has refueled in Eureka.

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 104 mi OD: 938 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed; Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Team is feeling fatigued.

TBDC: 100 mi OD: 746 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 102 mi OD: 941 mi MRL:+1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Garden. Team has refueled in Eureka.

TBDC: 114 mi OD: 818 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: None.

The following cars are within visual range or in a pack:


Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

Not doing dialogue again this time, just actions/feels for this rather quiet section.

Jen: In the passenger seat. Puts on a song and leans against her husband.
Jen’s song for Rick

Rick: Amazed at the giant Redwoods flanking both sides of the highway. Happy to be here with the love of his life.

Fuzz: Wanting to puke. Badly. Between the sappy music and the vegemite “sandwich”, life isn’t so good for him right now.