The Kinda Grand Tour [FINALE]

3/4 of the Bamford team will be devastated once they find out that the GG team is out of the running, only because the naive youth in the team have yet to be on the receiving end of Strop’s backside.

And I was so eager to see where you went from there. (secretly hoping for bank robbery or something)

Gonna be away until my Sunday so I’ll update Team Bamford then, after all, we’re only taking a fuel stop, What could possibly go wrong?

5 Likes

TEAM OUTRIDERS

(Blake is chopping up leftover vegetables for more stir fry)

Blake: These beets are made for wokkin’ and that’s just what they’ll do.
One of these days these beets will make a stir fry out of you!
Are you ready beets? Start wokkin! (while chopping) Ba da da da bum ba da da da bum…

Luigi: He really gets into it doesn’t he?

Marc: His fault for marrying someone who burns water.

(The team sits down to lunch and rests)

Luigi: Can we afford an hour delay?

Marc: Well, there’s no sense pushing if we end up killing ourselves. Besides, I think there’s only a couple people ahead of us.

(The team returns to the road)

Luigi: That looks like one of the other teams.

Blake: Damn, looks like they swerved off the road. Probably some failure in the steering.

Marc: I’d almost forgotten about the chances of breakdown. Now you just keep on running Missy!

Blake: Missy?

Marc: That’s the cars name.

Luigi: What gives you the right to name the car?

Marc: Because I don’t drive it like a senile octogenarian!

Blake: And why was I not consulted?

Marc: Because I thought of it first. Besides, I’m the one with a gun remember?

Blake: Right.

Luigi: Ah, the gun. Total compensation.

Marc: Go ahead and get lippy. I got a taser back home that would love to meet your balls.

Luigi: That’s abuse of police property!

Marc: Not if I get the Chief’s position.

Blake: What was that?

Marc: Hayes is retiring, and I’m throwing my hat into the ring.

Blake: Aren’t you up for retirement in two years?

Marc: Yup, and that’ll pad my pension nicely. Provided I get the job.

Luigi: You will, there’s nobody alive who can suck a promotion out of a cazzo better than you.

4 Likes

Saturday 8-10am

Wookiee: That was exciting…not. I’ve seen fish before.
Bill: Well, I thought it’d be nice to have a look. Besides, weren’t there that long.
Wookiee:


Saturday 10-12 (Approx 11:45)
Bill: Coos bay? What kind of name is that?
Toni: Who cares. Just find somewhere to fill up. Then I’m taking the wheel for bit. You drive like your mother.
Bill: What’s wrong with driving like my mother?
Toni: Nothing, if you’re in a goat-powered buggy. She once took 15 minutes to drive you to school.
Bill: What’s so bad about that?
Toni: It was a 10 minute walk! I’m itching to get some speed on.
------ 10 minutes later----
Bill: Why were those people asking me about the guys in the little black car? How would I know who it was?
Wookiee: Here’s a clue. It had flames on it.
Bill: Flames? Are they ok?
Wookiee: Painted, you idiot! It was that riced up old corolla. That Kai bloke is a nutter.
Toni: He’s the one that ripped a handbrake turn between the trams in front of the Queen Vic market in Melbourne.
Wookiee: Sounds about right.
(Toni turned the Model 60 into the McDonald’s on Broadway.)
Toni: After this, we move. I’ll show you how this thing should be driven.

6 Likes

Team Bamford

(I’m meant to refuel at Sixes, but the nearest petrol station is 5 miles away at Port Orford, so I’m gonna refuel at Sixes anyway.)

The small rural town of Sixes came into view and Phil eased the big boat off the road and into the parking lot of the local post office.

“Why are we stopping here?” asked Simon

“We’re buying fuel” replied Phil

“But this place looks abandoned, there aren’t even any pumps in the forecourt!”

“Doesn’t matter, we’re buying fuel here”

Phil walked into the post office, flanked by Jason, who assumed stupidity on Phil’s behalf and started talking first.

“We’re looking for a place that sells fuel, know of anywhere nearby?” asked Jason

The lady behind the counter smiled “Yes dear, just five miles down the road, in Port…”

“No” interrupted Phil, who suddenly took on this mysterious presence of power.

“We’re here for fuel”

“B-b-b-ut we don’t sell fuel” she stammered back

Phil lowered his sunglasses “We are here to buy some fuel”

The lady looked nervous “Bud! Come out here now!”

Her elderly Father walked into the small room, commanding a presence more powerful than Phillip’s.

“These men want to buy fuel, but we don’t sell any”

Phil smiled one of those dirty Cheshire cat grins and lent onto the counter “We are here to buy fuel”

Bud stared him down.

“Erwin Baker told me that you sold fuel”

His expression changed instantly from anger to suprise “This way please” he said while he gestured to a door near the back of the building.

“Ring up some fuel darling” he said, guiding the duo through the doorway.

The light flickered on in the small garage at the rear of the building and they were instantly met by the angry shape of a 1970’s Dodge Challenger coated in a mean red paint job and some drag tyres that’d make a road roller jealous, as the boys drooled over the car Bud produced a trolley carrying a 44 Gallon drum of “Road Fuel” and they headed out to the car park to fill the Bamford, much to the confusion of Ken and Simon.

The deal done, money exchanged and the red Bamford rolled slowly out of the car park and onto the main highway.

“What was all that about?” asked Jason

“We did a deal with a devil” replied Phil

5 Likes

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 2pm - 4pm

Weather Conditions: 72 degrees. Mostly sunny. Traffic on the highway is significant along all points; midday on a wonderful weekend day.

All vehicles are on US101 South.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Any POI you can find/message me about between Eureka, CA and San Francisco, CA.

Next Waypoint(s): Bullards Beach, OR, Humboldt Botanical Garden, Eureka, CA, Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, CA.

VicVictory:
TBDC: 122 mi OD: 831 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: None

@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 113 mi OD: 931 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Team has fueled up in Eureka, expecting a long period to the next reasonable fuel stop. Team is feeling fatigued.

@Madrias
TBDC: 112 mi OD: 731 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: Bullards Beach. Refueled in Coos Bay, OR.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 105 mi OD: 873 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint Completed: Humbold Botanical Garden. Team has refueled in Eureka. They have spent much of this leg stuck in traffic.

@CriticalSet9849
TBDC: 119 mi OD: 794 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued.

@BailsMackenzie
TBDC: 117 mi OD: 871 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint Completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Car’s poor comfort is wearing on the team. Team is starting to feel fatigued.

@TheBobWiley
TBDC: 89 mi OD: 848 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypoint Completed: Humboldt Botanical Garden. Team has stopped for some rest, fuel, and to diagnose their issue. Repair will be completed shortly into the next time period; it’s a bad coil pack, and one was among the spares in the car.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 113 mi OD: 831 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Team is starting to feel fatigued.

@HighOctaneLove
TBDC: 113 mi OD: 865 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Team has refueled in Eureka.

@stm316
TBDC: 114 mi OD: 894 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humbold Botanical Gardens. Refueled in Eureka.

@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 114 mi OD: 715 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +5 Notes: Team is starting to feel fatigued.

@abg7
TBDC: 113 mi OD: 812 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None.

@rileybanks
TBDC: 109 mi OD: 865 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Car’s lack of comfort is starting to wear on the team. Team has refueled in Eureka.

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 104 mi OD: 938 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed; Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Team is feeling fatigued.

@Rk38
TBDC: 100 mi OD: 746 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: None

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 102 mi OD: 941 mi MRL:+1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Garden. Team has refueled in Eureka.

@SkylineFTW97
TBDC: 114 mi OD: 818 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: None.

The following cars are within visual range or in a pack:

None.

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

Not doing dialogue again this time, just actions/feels for this rather quiet section.

Jen: In the passenger seat. Puts on a song and leans against her husband.
Jen’s song for Rick

Rick: Amazed at the giant Redwoods flanking both sides of the highway. Happy to be here with the love of his life.

Fuzz: Wanting to puke. Badly. Between the sappy music and the vegemite “sandwich”, life isn’t so good for him right now.

9 Likes

##Team Twin-Snail

Previous Stage


Linda looked at the race-provided GPS, not so much to see where they were, but where their opponents were at. “Looks like we’re good, Luke. We’re kinda far back, but with your recent development of aggressive driving, we’ll start catching some of them.” Linda said, raising her voice to get above the growl of the V6. “Though it looks like we’re going to pass a team really soon. Should be an old JHW truck of some description.”

“I got a surprise for 'em.” Scott said, giving a malicious grin as he finished the last of a big bag of Jolly Ranchers. As they passed @JohnWaldock and @Sillyducky’s team, Scott rolled down the window on the old Minerva Midnight, then let the bag of candy wrappers fly. It tumbled through the air, then hit the front end of the truck and exploded into a shower of candy wrappers.

“Nice fuckin’ shot!” Amy yelled, seeing the multi-colored burst of candy wrappers in the mirror. “Better than a sticker-bomb!”

Luke simply nodded, then said, “I want to pass that bloody Maesima. Pass us while I’m changing brakes, I’ll pass them.” With that, he gave the gas pedal a bit more of a shove and the engine responded in kind, giving an angry snarl and dragging the car up to speed again. The fuel light flashed once as what little gas was left in the tank sloshed backwards away from the fuel pump, and the engine gave a hiccup of hesitation as a result, mercifully sloshing the fuel back to the pump.

Amy looked at Luke, then said, “Gas station. Now. We won’t catch the Maesima if we run out of fuel.”

“I ain’t pushing the car this time, Luke. I had to burn my shoes when you made me push the barge out of the sand pit in the 'Runner.” Scott said.

“Fine. We’ll get gas. And you three, go get something as a snack, but be quick about it, because if you’re not back in the car when I’m done filling the tank, I’m leaving you behind.” Luke said.

They swerved wildly off the road into the gas station at Coos Bay, Oregon, the car being switched off at the pump and gas being pumped rather quickly as Linda, Amy, and Scott ran inside to get chips, soda, beef jerky, and another couple boxes of snacks.

With a full tank paid for and everyone back inside, they hit the highway, leaving a single stripe the whole way out of the gas station, halfway up the road where there was a bit of a skip in the line, and for about half a block further as they picked up speed.

Luke took note that they were still ahead of the old truck, and as a result, made sure not to let up on the gas. They had another target in mind, the old Maesima, which, if trends held out, would be passed by the next 2 hour segment, or maybe, at the worst, in the next 3 hours.

“Luke, looks like we’ll be within passing distance of Team Routed in… Maybe two hours, give or take about 15 minutes.” Linda said, confirming what Luke had thought.

“We’ll make sure they know we passed 'em.” Luke said, tapping the ashtray door. “There will be no way to ignore it.”


Aftermath:

Car: Running fine. Refueled.

Team: Restocked, resupplied, and ready for their next malicious mission.
-Scott is proud that his trash-bombing went so well.
-Luke believes they’ve set their new highest speed at 114 MPH in this leg.
-Linda is laughing like crazy because the image of the candy-wrapper explosion is stuck in her head.
-Amy is just wanting to make up time.

MRL +17 (+1) - One man’s trash is another man’s nightmare.
FTG +3 (+3) - Even the most comfortable chariot can bruise the bottom.

5 Likes

Previous Post || Next Post

Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 2: 2-4:30pm

After passing the gravesite of team FFC, Clutch Droppers was emboldened to win, but the constant misfiring was wearing on everyone’s nerves. A few hours later, as we approached Eureka, CA, the team could take no more, Ryan grabbed the wheel as a NAPA auto parts came into view off to the left of the car. He jerked the wheel sending out car over the curb slightly and turning us onto the road heading toward the NAPA. He did not relinquish his grip on the wheel until he had steered the car into the parking lot.

Bob: What the hell, you could have killed someone!

Ryan: I can’t take that noise and jerking anymore, we are going to fix the damn engine here and now.

Jason: Oh thank god, I was about to throw myself out of the car.

Bob: Fine, fine, Ryan, give me a hand with it. I think it’s either going to be a bad spark plug, made the air filter… could be the actual coil pack.

Bob and Ryan pop the hood and remove the engine cover. They begin taking the spark plugs out one-by-one and checking for burn marks signaling a bad plug. Jason whips his phone out and dials his girlfriend.

Jason: Hey babe, how’s it going?..

Jason: Yeah, I just got back from the interview this morning, I think it went well, they want me to check out another site on the other side of town later tonight. I don’t think I will be back tomorrow, probably at least another day…

Jason: Huh? No, I am not with Ryan or Bob… You can hear their voices??

Jason puts his hand to the microphone.

Jason: Shut the hell up, she can hear you.

Ryan and Bob give Jason an evil look.

Ryan: In a high pitched voice Oh baby, come on, just a little more!

Bob: Also high pitched You got more money? Our hour is almost up!

Jason: Glaring at Ryan and Bob, starts to walk away Sorry, there are some weird assholes in the hotel lobby, I’m heading up to my room… Yes, it’s a weird part of town…

After Jason disappears around the corner Bob and Ryan get back to work. It does not take long before they find the coil pack to be the culprit. Luckily on these 90’s cars it only took two bolts to remove. We actually even had a spare coil pack with us so the replacement took almost no time at all.

Jason comes back around the corner.

Jason: Is the car fixed?

Bob: Yeah, just a bad coil pack, I am going to go ahead and blame it on team fart cannon, as well as anything else that goes wrong from here on out.

Jason: Well get in the car, I am driving… We have a little stop to make.

Bob: Umm… Ok…

Jason hops in the driver’s seat for the first time during the trip and readjusts the seat and mirrors, messing up the perfect positions I had for everything. He fires up the car and as Ryan and I close our doors pulls back onto the road. He takes an immediate left turn… and then another.

Bob: Where are you going, this is the wrong way?

Jason: Just wait, I found something after I walked away.

Directly behind the NAPA store we pull into a small driveway that looped around a tiny shack in the middle of the lot. The building had a small sign, Bikini Brews.

Bob: What is this?

Jason: Oh, you know, a coffee shop…

Bob: You don’t drink coffee… and neither do I… why are we here?

As the car rolled up to the small shack’s window a bikini clad women appeared in it.

Women: Hello, welcome to Bikini Brews, what are you having today?

Bob: In my flirting voice Well hello to you too, I will take the largest coffee you have… black.

Ryan and Jason both stare at me.

Ryan: I will as well.

Jason: None for me, thanks.

Women: Sounds great, please pull around to the window on the other side!

Bob: Wow, did you see her?! This place is amazing, I love the West Coast!

Jason: Why did you order a coffee??

Bob: I had to look manly didn’t I?

Ryan and Jason both roll their eyes.

We pull up to the other window and are greeted by another women in a bikini, even more stunning than the first.

Bob: Well hello there, how are you doing today?

Women2: No bad, it’s a lovely day today. I hope I can get out to the beach after work.

Bob: Oh really, I love the beach… when do you get off?

Women2: Handing the drinks to Jason We close at 5:30pm, most of us go over to the beach right after work if you guys want to join us.

Jason revs the engine hard before releasing the brakes, spinning the tires and throwing up some tire smoke. The car is back on the road before Bob has time to curse out Jason for leaving while he was chatting up the lady. Ryan takes a picture as we turn away to torture me later with.

Bob: What the fuck man?? She was totally into me!

Jason: If I can’t check out the babes, no one can… plus, we have a race to win.

Ryan sits quietly, trying not to laugh at my suffering and drinking his coffee.

Ryan: Hey, do you want your coffee?

Bob: Give it here!

Bob grabs his coffee, rolls down the rear window and throws the full cup out.

Ryan: What the hell, that was perfectly good coffee!

Bob: I lost my appetite…

Jason: Looks like we need some gas before we get back out of town.

Jason pulls into a gas station near the edge of town to refuel. Bob and Ryan hop out and wander into the small convenience store at the station, grabbing a few light snacks and drinks for the next leg of the trip. Jason downs an entire can of mountain dew while waiting for the gas pump and takes stock on how many cans are left… not enough, never enough. As the car pulls back onto the road it’s finally Jason’s turn at the music selection. His bass heavy taste shows the weakness in the crappy old car speakers, throwing out tons of distortion.


Morale: +14 (Morale increased because we fixed the car and saw some bodacious babes)
Fatigue: +2 (Stopped for gas, fixed the car, and grabbed a snack)

6 Likes

Team BAGS

Brian’s notes for this leg:

En route to the next waypoint, we checked our maps and discovered two points of interest which may be worth visiting. In Eureka, we will visit the Sequoia Park Zoo. Further south, we could then stop at Westport-Union Landing State Beach off Highway 1. Taking a breather at either of these locations could turn out to be helpful in the long term… In fact, going to the zoo seems quite fitting considering that we already visited the Oregon Coast Aquarium.

As for the drive, except for the dense traffic, it’s just another Sunday afternoon drive along US 101, with nothing untoward for us to report. We are still as confident as ever of reaching the next waypoint.

2 Likes

----Saturday 12-2pm----

After grabbing their lunch, team Mr Hankey launched out of the McDonalds car park. Bill hadn’t put his seat belt on, and was thus almost launched out of Mr Hankey.
Bill: AAAARRRRGGHH!!!
Toni: I told you that we were going to get a move on.
Wookiee: Ha!
Toni: You too, country boy. I never used the brakes in the demolition derby, so find yourself a “Jesus Handle”.
Bill: A what?
Wookiee (turns to Bill in the back seat): A “Jesus Handle”. For slightly scary parts of the ride. I’ve seen Toni drive, I suggest you listen. I’m just hoping this thing came with an “OH FUCK! bar”.
Toni passed a turning car down the right hand side, effectively cutting the other driver off.

1:59pm
The brown bomber had been rolling along on the end of a line of traffic for about 5 minutes when they saw a pair of guys arguing on the side of the road. Bill wound his window down in the hopes of hearing what was going on. All he could make out was something about “airtime off the kerb”. Whatever had happened, it wasn’t too long ago, because only one other driver had stopped to take photos with their phone.

Saturday 2-4
Bill: Was that the corolla?
Wookiee: Did it look like it? Not many other cars with those rims running around this part of the world.
Toni: Of course it was and although it means we won’t get to chase them further down the highway, it does mean one less challenger. Which brings us one step closer to victory.
Bill: I thought we were here for the fun.
Toni: Do you call being stuck behind a bunch of slow moving yank-tanks fun? We need to move.
Toni pushed the pedal and the tacho climbed to 3000 as she made a run for the space 3 cars ahead, barely missing tail to tail contact with the car in the opposite lane as she pulled out, then slowed back to 80.4672 km/h. (stupid miles, WHY?! just go metric already.)
“Tack-tack-tack-tack-tack-tack-tack” said Mr Hankey… for the 8th hour straight.

Toni: turned into the parking area of Courthouse Union in Eureka, one of those NAPA parts places.
Bill: Why have we stopped, they don’t have petrol here. There’s a 76 a few hundred metres down the road!
Toni: I know that, stooge, but I need to find something. There’s this stuff… oil additive that is supposed to reduce lifter noise. It won’t fix it, but it’ll shut this bastard up.
Wookiee: OI!
Toni: Not you, stupid. This car.
Bill: Thank the Lord for that. I’m sick of this happy-pop shit on the radio. You guys won’t let me put any music on.
Wookiee: For the umpteenth time, ITS AN 8 TRACK PLAYER!
Bill flings the cartridge at Wookiee, who catches it and looks at the label. His expression says it all…

(I think the noise is getting to the team.)

6 Likes

TEAM OUTRIDERS

Sitrep: The team finds themselves stuck in heavy traffic. The only consolation is the radio playing.

Marc: My God! Don’t any of you idiots know how to use a gas pedal? The rules are simple. When you morons follow them the way they were meant to be followed, TRAFFIC FLOWS SMOOTHLY!!!

Blake: Calm down, we’re not the only ones stuck in traffic you know.

Marc: Damn California, that’s what it is. The state’s good for absolutely nothing!

Luigi: Stop blaming your life problems on California. California didn’t make you impotent.

Marc: For the last time, I do not have ED!

Blake: I sincerely doubt it’ll be the last time that’s brought up.

Luigi: That’s why your wife is always disappointed.

Marc: At least I didn’t give my wife my phone number in braille!

Blake: Braille?

Marc: That’s the only explanation as to how she married his ugly ass!

Luigi: I’m the most handsome man you’ve ever seen.

Marc: Oh really? Well let me tell you, every time they give you the camera when doing group photos, it’s not because of your skill with the thing.

Luigi: At least I give it to my wife every night!

Marc: Yeah, should I tell her that you’ve had the clap so many times it should be called applause?

Blake: Gross, we shared a water bottle!

Luigi: A: I’ve never had the clap, and B: You can’t get it that way.

Marc: Not unless you two have been doing something together that I don’t know about!

Blake: Not a chance!

Marc: Hey, it’s the 21st century, not my place to judge.

Luigi: Oh, this will not be over.

Marc: Good, it pains me to see breakups.

Blake: (sigh)

The team makes its way to Eureka, CA where they stop for fuel.

Blake: Those guys look like they’re heading towards us.

Marc: Great, they look like hipsters.

Luigi: That’s about 98% of this state.

Troublemaker 1: Hey, what are you doing driving that gas-guzzler?

Troublemaker 2: Don’t you know how much damage that does to the environment?

Troublemaker 3: What’s it like being a murderer of this planet?

Marc: I have no idea what being a murderer feels like. Do you?

Luigi: Nope.

Marc: How about you?

Blake: No idea.

Marc: Neither do I. (pulls gun out of jacket) How about we find out?

(The troublemakers run off screaming)

Blake: You are terrible.

Marc: They won’t press charges.

Luigi: You seem awfully sure of that.

Marc: Their pupils were heavily dilated. They were all stoned off their asses. They call the police, they’ll have to explain that little detail as well.

Blake: Lets get a move on.

8 Likes

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 4pm - 6pm

Weather Conditions: 73 degrees. Mostly sunny. Traffic on the highway is starting to slowly taper off.

All vehicles are on US101 South.

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Any POI you can find/message me about between Eureka, CA and San Luis Obispo, CA (bear in mind timing - It’s getting on toward evening, and various teams have fatigue setting in)

Overnight sleep: Unless you PM me to specify otherwise, you will overnight at a random hotel in San Francisco, and will sleep 6 hours, with an additional hour of prep/packing. If you wish to use a different hotel and/or specify a different amount of time to sleep, PM me details. If you wish to camp, let me know where. Specify sleep time, and don’t forget I will add on an hour of packing to the end.

Next Waypoint(s): Humboldt Botanical Garden, Eureka, CA, Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, CA, Half Moon Bay State Beach, Half Moon Bay, CA.

VicVictory:
TBDC: 49 mi OD: 880 mi MRL: +2 FTG: -1 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Team has refueled in Eureka, and spent 1 hour resting and getting dinner at the Sea Grill in Eureka.

@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 114 mi OD: 1045 mi MRL: -3 FTG: +6 Notes: Team nearly collided with an oncoming vehicle. TEAM SEVERELY FATIGUED.

@Madrias
TBDC: 118 mi OD: 849 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Garden. Team is starting to get fatigued. Team will start the next time period fueling up in Eureka.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 119 mi OD: 992 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint Completed: None

@CriticalSet9849
TBDC: 54 mi OD: 848 mi MRL: -5 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. FAILURE: Car has been misfiring badly for about 20 miles. Failed completely shortly after the waypoint, but had to be pushed to a parking lot. Diagnosis: Distributor failure. None in spares. NAPA can priority overnight a new one for a fee. Until 8 am tomorrow, you’re down and out. You are going to be presumed as staying in a hotel in Eureka.

@BailsMackenzie
TBDC: 113 mi OD: 984 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +6 Notes: Refueled in Garberville, CA. Team is fatigued.

@TheBobWiley
TBDC: 124 mi OD: 972 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: None

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 50 mi OD: 881 mi MRL: +2 FTG: -1 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humbold Botanical Garden. Team has stopped for 1 hour at Rosina Vineyard. Team is starting to feel fatigued.

@HighOctaneLove
TBDC: 124 mi OD: 989 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued.

@stm316
TBDC: 55 mi OD: 949 mi MRL: +2 FTG: -1 Notes: Team has stopped for an hour’s rest at Humboldt Redwoods State Park.

@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 106 mi OD: 935 mi MRL: + FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens

@abg7
TBDC: 58 mi OD: 812 mi MRL: +3 FTG: +0 Notes: Waypont completed: Humboldt Botanical Gardens. Team has stopped at Sequoia Park Zoo for 30 minutes. Team has refueled in Eureka.

@rileybanks
TBDC: 122 mi OD: 987 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: Team is feeling fatigued.

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 53 mi OD: 938 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +0 Notes: Team has stopped for the night in Redwood Valley, CA, at a hotel.

@Rk38
TBDC: 45 mi OD: 791 mi MRL: +2 FTG: -1 Notes: Team has stopped for 1 hour’s rest at Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park.

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 117 mi OD: 1058 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +6 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued.

@SkylineFTW97
TBDC: 102 mi OD: 910 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: Humboldt Botanical Garden. Team has refueled in Eureka. Team is feeling fatigued.

The following cars are within visual range or in a pack:

None.

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

(Will RP later… it’s bedtime!)

10 Likes

##Team Twin-Snail

Previous Stage


The midnight-purple Minerva hurtled along the highway, closing the distance between Twin Snail and Routed. As they got within a mile of one another, Luke flipped the switches and let them have it with the train horn right as they were turning off to rest at the state park.

“Damn, Luke, you scared them right off the road!” Scott yelled.

“No, more likely than not, they were heading to take a rest stop.” Luke said. “And we should consider something, at least.”

“I could do with some food. Know any restaurants?” Linda asked.

“If we were in Nevada, I’d suggest a few, but I’ve not been in California before.” Luke replied.

A handful of miles later, Twin Snail had caught up with team BAGS after they’d left the Zoo. Luke blared the horns as they passed, having all the subtlety of a big diesel train. Luke kept the pedal to the metal, engine snarling all the way down the highway as they continued on their fast and aggressive journey.

“Hell, I could even handle stopping for a McDonalds or something.” Scott said. “But we need food. And to not be sitting in this car for another two hours.”

“Agreed. A quick break while we eat some food, then make it to a hotel or something. That way Linda doesn’t rack up $1,500 in room service again.” Amy said.

“Wasn’t my fault. How was I to know that every time I grabbed something out of the fridge, even if I put it back, it charged me multiple times for it?”

“Linda, really? It’s a hotel, if they’re going to do something sleazy, expect it.” Scott said.

As they were nearing the end of their two hour segment, Luke saw the green car of Green Turd Racing being pushed to a parking lot, and responded by blaring the train horns as they passed.


Aftermath:

Car Condition: Running fine.
Team Condition: A little tired and a bit hungry.

MRL: +18 (+1) Train-horned 3 teams on this leg.
FTG: +7 (+4) Hungry, starting to get tired, and we’ve been in this car all freaking day.

6 Likes

Team ‘Routed…


Original Post | Previous Post


The highway was packed with traffic. It turned all the lovely sweeping corners and cresting hills into a virtual parking lot. Huge lumbering steel beasts clogged the roadways. It almost reminded Sam of Sydney's own horrible gridlock. Save for the near monster truck sized utes and city bus-sized RVs to well...anyone but an American.

It made him rather glad he wasn’t behind the wheel for a change. Instead, poor Dan was trapped in an unenviable position of the driver. Thank god it was an automatic here! Mitch was still out cold. Enjoying the luxuries of a vehicle with opulent rear legroom.

But something caught Sam’s eye.

He was wasting time with the usual thing on his phone, Discord, Reddit, Instagram. But he was also keeping tabs on the other teams. While it was clear now a number of teams had fallen out already. Including that little Toyota that Dan was praising for its durability…he sure knows how to pick them!

Well besides the teams that were out. It was only really a straight fight with Team Twin-Snail that they passed before. But it looked like with all this traffic than were catching up!

“Err…” Sam broke the silence of the cabin. The various tapes in the cabin having been long exhausted. Dan looked up from behind the wheel.

“What’s up?” He inquired.

“Well, we ought to get a move on!” Sam insisted. “That team behind us is really movin’!”

“How the bloody heck am I suppose to do that?” Dan snapped gesturing to the long line of traffic. “We’re barely crawling along and there is nowhere to overtake…”

“Whoa, whoa calm your tits mate,” Sam said putting his hands up. “I’m just saying it’s something we should know think about…soon”

“Yeah…” Dan let out a sigh. “Look I’ve been driving for hours now I think a break would be a better idea.”

“But…” Sam protested

“That have to be getting tired too y’know.” Dan said and added, “He’s not a machine…everyone gets tired.”

“I suppose…” Sam said stretching in his seat.

“We’ll catch them up next time they stop,” Dan suggested. “Now how about you find a cool spot for us to stop?”

“Yeah, alright then.” Sam dived back into his phone.

“There’s no point taking this ‘tour’ if we’re only going to see a line of traffic is there?” Remarked Dan.

“Oh, OH, this place looks awesome!” Sam nearly leapt out of his seat. It’s like right out all those films about the US." He added pushing the phone into Dan’s face.

“Yep…loooks great,” Dan replied with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. While brushing aside the phone.

“Look!” Sam jammed the phone back in his face. “It’s got those big Redwoods, log cabins…probably big foot and all that X-files stuff too!” Sam added with a beaming grin.

Dan rolled his eyes and replied deadpan “Really…”

The rest stop was now set and as the Maesima crawled along with the traffic.

Several hours later

The traffic had begun to scatter away. Peeling off at various parks, sightseeing, motels and holiday spot.
Finally, the team could open up the smooth six and eat up some highway miles.

By now there were getting close to the pit stop. Mitch had woken up earlier and been told about it. But he still seemed fairly sleepy and no one was sure he actually comprehended what was explained to him. Thanks to the plush seating it wasn’t long before he was back napping again.

So everyone thought it was best to leave him be and explain where we got there. Sam was wired into his earbuds. Listening to what sounded like the X-files theme or some sort of crazy podcast.

Dan was pretty weary now. The sky was shifting into the golden hour of twilight. He’d switched the headlights on and the dash was backlight rather nicely. The road was nearly all to himself now. Nothing behind and nothing ahead just pure joy. If only it was like this earlier. He lamented as the drowsiness dulled what would otherwise be a highlight of the drive.

But just then a pair of headlights appeared ahead of gleaming blue in the sunset.

They were closing fast.

Dan didn’t notice has he was looking at the map trying to remember where Sam said to turn off. It must be getting close. But he didn’t want to disturb Sam from his phone.

Just then a booming noise of a truck horn burst into the cabin right as Dan spotted the turn-off.

He nearly lost control as he was gripped the wheel so tight as he made the turn the tail stepped out. Sam jumped from his seat. Spun his head around to find the source of the noise. But only caught a glimpse of dark blue Minerva disappearing down the highway. Mitch sprung up from his slumber bewildered and screamed.

“Christ! What the bloody hell was that!” Mitch blurted out looking around for any sign of an accident.

“The Hell if I know!” Dan replied. Regaining control of the Maesima. As it rolled into the parking area of the Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park.

“Those Bastards!” Sam declared taking out his earbuds. “That was that team behind us…the Snail one” He added.

“Why are we stopping did something break?” Mitch asked still out of the loop.

“Nah, we’re taking a break at this awesome park,” Sam answered delighted. He then went on about how it was full of unsolved mysterious.

Dan and Mitch shared a moment of concern.

“Well, anyway,” Dan said finally pulling into space. “I definitely need a break after all that.”

Despite attempts to keep their spirits down the team pulled into the Park about the perfect time.The lighting was golden glow as the sun crept down the sky. The tall redwoods enveloped in a halo of sunshine. It made for some great shots so the team could remember the trip. Although Sam assured the rest of team he was close to finding evidence of a big mystery given a longer break.

8 Likes

Team BAGS

Brian’s notes for this leg:

Playing it safe seems to pay dividends for us, especially with twilight approaching fast; many of the other teams are far ahead of us, but on the other hand, we suspect they are suffering from a considerable amount of fatigue. Stephanie heard a chilling rumor that one team had a close call, almost slamming into oncoming traffic, while another had a mechanical failure that, for some weird reason, was not terminal - although it will cost them a lot of time. On the other hand, taking a rest stop at the Sequoia Park Zoo helped calm our nerves down somewhat, and tied in nicely to our visit to the Oregon Coast Aquarium the previous day; Amy in particular loved the showcase of biodiversity at the zoo, but poignantly reminded herself that many of the species shown there would become extinct (at least in the wild) if current trends persist.

3 Likes

Team Mountain Pass

Saturday, day two, 2pm to 6pm

Team Bio

Nothingness. The endless void. Movement without progress. My warrior spirit has been shattered with the loss of my nemesis…

Here I sit, a statue that once was a man, motionless in a sea of movement, yet restlessly searching for that which will make me complete…

I am numbness, incapable of a single feeling, they elude me like tears in a rainstorm…

Oh why was I cursed to feel so deeply, competition is my blood, my sustenance and fate has cruelly deprived me of my prey…

So onwards must I press, onwards to nowhere and nowhen, until either time or the tides rise to claim my empty husk of a soul…

Pierre here!

It seems my buddy Andrew has slipped into a Zen state and is welded to the drivers seat! It’s been four hours since we passed the Corolla and Andrew has said nothing, drunk nothing, eaten nothing!!! But he’s in the zone which means we’re travelling well but everyone is rather tired of the Bogliq’s ever constricting cabin…

Distance travelled this session: 237 Miles
Distance travelled so far: 986 Miles
Morale: + 1 (+16 total) Pierre and Kyle are trapped in a blue voyage to a higher plane of awareness!!!
Fatigue: + 7 (+10 total) Everyone’s feeling the numbing effects of highway travel at high warp :grin:

8 Likes

#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post

The story so far: With the team now in Northern California, the drive is starting to get a little tedious, and Seb is beginning to feel tired…

Crossing over the border, there was a perk in mood in the car.
“My god” said Seb. “I have literally always wanted to come here”
“I know right” said Martin, keeping an eye on the map, “I mean this is basically ‘America’ for a lot of people”
“I’m still so hyped to see San Fran, and with any luck we’ll be there at a good time”
“Just so long as you don’t go on a bloody ‘Homeward Bound 2’ movie location tour” said James, stretching in the rear seat.
“How did you know I liked Homeward Bound?” replied Martin.
“You kept mentioning how much you loved it as a kid when you got drunk one time” he said.
“Ahh, Oh I remember that” said Seb, smiling. “You’d just been out clubbing with some course mates and had to come home early, and we helped you back to the flat”
Martin looked a little embarrassed, but laughed nonetheless. “No I remember that. Or at least I remember some of that”.

.

Still, it was getting tiring being on the road for so long. Happily however, James found the perfect place to stop.
“WINE” James blurted out all of a sudden.
“Wine?” said Seb.
“Yes, Wine. I forgot how much wine they make in Northern California. There’s a vineyard coming up, we are stopping and that’s an end of it”
A few miles later, the team pulled into the Rosina Vineyward in Redcrest, a little way from the Redwoods National Park.
Seb called Martin over after they got out of the car. “You do know he’s going to be here for fucking ages, right?” whispered Seb.
“Yeah, I’m aware” said Martin. “And I kinda want him to drive, but he’s never going to do that if we go wine tasting”
“We have to stop him wine tasting” said Seb.

.

“Why” said James, frustrated. “It’s not like we can just pop over here when we want”
“Because we don’t have enough time, and we need you to drive and not be tipsy” said Martin.
James sighed. “Alright. But we are going into the shop and the cafe for a rest, I think we call need it”

.

Sadly, that didn’t quite go to plan, and they ended up in the cellars with a wine expert talking about James’ favorite subject.
“Well the main wine we produce here is the Rosina Pinot Noir, 14 month aged red that tastes delightful” said the expert whilst looking at the barrels.
“14 months eh, that’s the standard time if I’m right for a Pinot Noir?” James said thoughtfully.
“Yeah, based on the French method and adapted for this part of California…” he continued.

Meanwhile, Seb and Martin snuck out of the cellar to find somewhere to sit.
“Why did we let him do this” said Seb.
“You were the one that turned off” retorted Martin.
“Hey, well…” Seb stopped. “Alright, but now is not the time for fighting. We have to get him to the shop and get out of here”.

A little while later and much persuading of James and the expert, they had made it to the shop.
“James, please just choose a bottle and be done with it” said Martin, sternly.
“Do you want a Rose? I’ll buy you one”
Maritn looked confused. “James I don’t even like wine”
“I was thinking for pre-drinks” James said, ignoring Martin’s desperation to get back on the road.
“James, what? You want to use your posh Californian wine for predrinks?”
“I’m just thinking about you man” he said.
Seb by this point was in the corner, leaning against the wall, hand on his face. He was done right now.
“Alright alright” said James at last, and he turned to the lady behind the till. “I’ll have these four bottles of the Pinot Noir and one of the Ed’s Red”.

.

At last, after an hour of satisfying James’ wine cravings, they were on the road again, and at last, James was behind the wheel again.
“We are never doing that ever again” said Seb.
“Oh come on, wine is so interesting!” said James.
“Just cause you’re a foodie and find fucking chicken thighs interesting” said Seb in return.
James pasued. “Well, I do actually”.
Seb gave up. Martin already had too.

Still, they were passing the famed Redwoods at last, which meant they were at least some of the way toward San Francisco…

7 Likes

Team Mr. Hankey

Saturday 4-6PM

There was some weird cosplay thing going on when the team pulled over in the park, they even had daytime fireworks. Mr Hankey was sounding very upset with the way Toni had been driving.
Toni: Piece of SHIT!
Wookiee: Calm down, woman. Yelling won’t make that lifter… whichever one it is… stop making noise. I only paid $470 for the whole car. You have to expect this to happen. Let’s just pull over here. Get some air.
Bill: No idea why, but I agree with dickhead. Plus, you can let the savage out, with any luck he might run off into the trees, shag bigfoot and forget to come back or something.
(Wookiee flipped him the bird)
Toni: OK. Alright. Maybe I’m getting excited. Tippety-FUCKIN’-TAPPETY!!!
They found a nice place to stop, and Bill grabbed the camera. He assumed there’d be something worth snapping, for posterity. Discussions were had, names were called, plans for the night were made.

(Toni and, of course, Wookiee very VERY excited to see this stuff).

7 Likes

Previous Post || Next Post

Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 2: 4:30-6pm

For the past hour or so the traffic has been very heavy, however as we get closer to San Francisco the traffic has begun to taper off.Cars have mostly been pulling off a various hotels, motels, and campgrounds as it is around dinner time and soon, bed time. As the road begins to open up, Jason puts his foot down and goes leap frogging around slower traffic, always look for a gap to squeeze the car into.

Bob: Glad I gave up the driver’s seat for that last stretch, that was soooo boring. Plus I was able to spend some quality time with this game on my phone.

Jason: Looks like the traffic is clearing, hopefully, it will be clear until San Fran.

Ryan: I thought we were stopping in Santa Rosa for dinner?

Jason: We wasted time fixing the car, we are going to push straight for San Francisco and stop there for dinner. Should only take us about an hour longer.

Bob: Can we visit Golden Gate Park while we are there? I am actually feeling pretty good still and would like to walk around a bit.

Jason: I guess so, we can also plan the next leg of our journey while we are stopped.

Ryan: Sounds like a plan.


Morale: +14 (It’s boring sitting in traffic, but at least we are making progress)
Fatigue: +4 (Getting on towards night, but very little fatigue!)

5 Likes

Team Greasy Lightning

After their last stint driving through the northern Redwood forests, Team Greasy Lightning was more than happy to stop for dinner. Their search came to an end at The Sea Grill, a somewhat swanky Steak and Seafood restaurant.

“Ooh! Dungeness crab fettucine,” Jen beamed. “I know what I’m getting!”

Rick was having less luck at being decisive. The menu was extensive, with numerous dishes that Rick had a fondness for. He sighed and made humming noises as the time to choose loomed; even Fuzz had made up his mind, and the server was on her way over. This forced Rick to choose in a rather unscientific method; closing his eyes and pointing to the menu.

“Hi, folks. What can I get for you this evening?” the server chirped with a smile.

“Dungeness crab fettucine and a glass of Riesling,” Jen replied.

“Soup or salad bar?”

“Salad bar.”

“Alright, and you, sir?” she directed her attention to Fuzz.

“Prime rib combo with the prawns. Medium rare. Salad bar and baked potato, please.”

“And what would you like to drink?”

“Do you have Lost Coast Alleycat Amber?”

“Yes sir!”

“Yeah, I’ll have one,” Fuzz grinned.

“You got it. And you, sir?”

“'Uhhh…” Rick stumbled, second guessing his random method.

The server laughed a little. “Still need a little time?”

“No, no. Uhhh… Oh, hell with it. I’m on vacation. Steak and lobster.”

“Alright, and your sides?”

“Salad bar and rice pilaf. Oh, and a Coke to drink.”

The server arched her eyebrows briefly.

“I’m driving,” Rick added.

“Gotcha. Alright, I’ll get these in for you. Help yourselves to the salad bar in the mean time!”

They got up at once and did just that. As Rick was piling various greens and vegetables on his plate, odd thoughts rushed to mind. A salad bar such as this would have been common in pretty much any restaurant just a generation ago, yet few had them nowadays. He couldn’t help but wonder why. After all, it was a great way for people to tailor their own side salad, without having to bother the kitchen staff to prepare something in a different way.

Team Greasy Lightning returned to their table. Conversation immediately went back to the race.

“So what’s the plan?” Fuzz asked.

“I was thinking we’d push through to Half Moon Bay tonight,” Rick replied. “We should be able to get there by 10. Start out early in the morning. And if we need to, go balls to the wall in the morning.”

“Well we’re screwed if Jen is driving then,” Fuzz quipped. This was poorly received; he yelped in pain as Jen brought her fist down on his vastus lateralis, nearly as hard as she could. “Okay! Okay! Sheesh, I was just kidding!”

Her smile showed bared teeth. “Hey Rick, when were we installing the roof rack again? I think Fuzz wants to try out his new seat.”

“Chill, you two. No killing each other until San Diego.”

6 Likes

TEAM OUTRIDERS

(The Enforcer pulls out of the gas station ass end swinging around as Marc slams down the accelerator)

Marc: Hell yeah!

Blake: It would’ve been more impressive if you were pointing the right way.

Marc: What?

Luigi: The highway is that way you moron!

Marc: Oh shit! Hang on!


Marc: Flesh is burning na na na na na na! Flesh is burning na na na na na na! Flesh is burning na na na na na na! Flesh is burning na na na na na na!

Luigi: Are you going to keep that up the entire trip?

Marc: Sorry, some kids next door started this metal band. I’ve got their signature song stuck in my head.

Blake: Well if it gets stuck in mine I’m going to kill you.

(ring ring)

Luigi: Hello? Isabella? (The conversation continues in Italian, but proceeding through, Luigi shows a significant sign of relief)

Blake: What was that about?

Luigi: That was Isabella. The police gave Antonio a piss test, he tested negative for illicit substances. Apparently his friend Carlos was the one who had the heroin, he gave it to Tony to hold because he already has a record and didn’t want to be sent back to jail. His piss test was positive.

Marc: So Tony’s out?

Luigi: He gets out tomorrow, they’re gonna hold him for another night. Isabella was quite clear about not posting bail.

Marc: Well, at least he’s clean. Not to mention this should be a damn good lesson about who he’s hanging out with.

Luigi: That is a big load off my mind. Of course he’s still in big trouble for drinking, not to mention those guys were nothing but trouble. But I’m glad he’s okay and he’s not facing anything serious.

Blake: I’m glad for you.

(The team drives on with a considerably lighter mood)

Blake: (starting out muttering under his breath) Flesh is burning na na na na na na! Flesh is burning na na na na na na!

Luigi: Flesh is burning na na na na na na! Flesh is burning na na na na na na!

Marc: Flesh is burning na na na na na na! Flesh is burning na na na na na na!

(Most amusing how a song in your head can become contagious.)

5 Likes