It was a lovely night to sleep and camping in a car is such a foreign idea to the trio.But atleast with a car with decent interior,it was comfortable to them.The sky started to rain as the trio was in deep sleep.But hopely the convertible roof will withstand the light rain
Overall fatigue: 8 (-2) (the trio is sleeping)
Overall morale: 12 (nothing happen)
Note:I will request a stop to the Tillamook Cheese Factory
Team: Clutch Droppers
As the Bil rumbled away from Fort Stevens State Park Bob pulled a sleeping bag over himself in the back seat, with another sleeping bag squished against the door as a makeshift pillow. Before they had even made in back onto the 101, Bob was fast asleep.
Jason pulls out his phone and text with his girlfriend. He has been avoiding talking to her as he was supposed to be in Indiana for a job interview, not blasting down a coastal highway in the Pacific Northwest in the middle of the night. He made up a job interview in order to explain his absence for a few days and he very much wants to keep his head intact when he gets back to Ohio, hence him not mentioning his GF before now. Jason types away at his phone letting his GF know that he made it to the meeting today and that things went well. They want to meet him again tomorrow, maybe even take him out to a sister site on the other side of the city. This should help explain his absence for a few more days, but it would get harder and harder to keep the lie going, especially when it would come time to tell her he did not get the “job”.
Ryan: In a lowered voice Texting with Lianna? Man, if she ever finds out about this you are FINISHED. She won’t just break up with you, she will probably kill you!
Jason: Yeah… I know… but how could I pass this up? You’re moving out of state for work, Bob is probably going to move away as well, my current job is ass… We needed to do this, one last horah you know.
Ryan: I get it, and don’t worry about Bob and I, we will never tell her… Until we are giving our speeches at your wedding!
Jason: flashes angry eyes at Ryan
Ryan: I know I told Bob I would take over driving, but man I am beat as well. I felt good earlier but I am about to fall asleep over here. Jason… reach way in the back of the glovebox for me…
Jason: reaching into the very back of the glovebox Why, what is in here?
Jason pulls out a small bag full of energy shots, none of which look to be name brand.
Ryan: These are just a little insurance for this trip, pop one of these open and you are absolutely wired for about two hours. Now give me one, we have a long drive ahead of us.
Ryan: Hey Jason, can you look ahead of us about two hours and scope us a hotel? When we get there we are going to crash hard and fast.
Jason: Pulls out his phone and types around for a bit Looks like there is a town about two hours out, Lincoln City, there are a bunch of hotels there. types a bit more Ok, I got us a three person room at, get this, a casino hotel!
Ryan: nearly waking Bob WHY?!
Jason: It was actually about the same price as the motel 6, it has got to better though… I would assume anyway.
Ryan: God… well I guess they should have a decent breakfast anyway…
Pulling into the Chinook Winds Casino Hotel valet area, Jason leans back over the seat, rosuing Bob from his deep slumber.
Jason: Hey, Bob, we are at a hotel, time for some real sleep.
Bob: God, why is it so bright?? Did we drive all night???
Jason: No, it’s just the casino lights.
Bob: What!?
Jason: Don’t worry about it, let’s just get to sleep.
Ryan: Barely awake, stumbles from car and hands the keys to the valet. Not a SCRATCH on her… got it?!
The valet nods, quickly gets in the car and drives off into the lot. After checking in at the main desk, we were relieved to find we had a room on the second floor. The further we had to walk at this point, the better. Moments after entering the hotel room, we collapsed onto the two queen beds and sofa and were out cold.
Morale: +8 (We are so tired, morale fell a bit)
Fatigue: +20 (Drove until midnight, luckily no crashes)
Brian’s notes for the previous leg:
We took a rest stop at Fort Stevens after several hours of driving. That should take care of the fatigue problem for now. Still no car problems yet, and we have confirmed that our next rest stop will be at the Oregon Coast Aquarium.
Most of the other teams also stopped at Fort Stevens; as for the ones that didn’t, let’s just say that they found alternative rest stops for the night. I had heard through the grapevine that one team drove all night until midnight, but I am not sure whether or not such an audacious strategy will pay off. As for us, we never thought about doing so for fear of excess fatigue.
We join our team early on in their sleep cycles…
Ken and Simon are asleep in their beds whilst Jason took the opportunity to build an impressive pillow wall dividing the double bed while Phillip was outside saying goodnight to his car.
Phillip went for a short walk around the town of Seaside and returned to the motel.
Friday, day one, 8 - 10pm
Wow, the last two hours went down like a lead balloon. I haven’t driven so many kilometres in a single day, without a break, before in my life! All the subtle nuances of the Ambassador which I previously interpreted as characterful was now irritating the living heck out of me! Pierre’s snoring now, which grates on the ears plus Andrew has found a really obnoxious flavour of country music which, somehow, serves to amplify the irritating nature of Pierre’s snoring… We will most definitely be staying overnight in Fort Stevens.
When we arrive at Fort Stevens we find a nice, dry and secluded camping spot so that we can set up camp, eat some dinner and get some shut-eye… Bring on tomorrow morning! Pierre woke up when we arrived and grumbled about having to camp and Andrew was really happy he’d get a chance to cook for the team, having stocked some gourmet snags just for this purpose. After a tasty dinner we hit the sack and proceeded to visit the land of Nod…
Distance travelled (today): 54 miles
Distance travelled (total): 390 miles
Morale +1 (+8 total)
Fatigue +5 (+13 total)
“You know, i like to drive…” Paul mentions, “But this is sooo slow.”
" I wouldn’t trust this car with high speeds to be honest…" Aaron says without lifting his eyes from the map
“Pff… Why could they do the tour on the German Autobahn…”
" Because 3/4 of the car wouldn’t be allowed on the road and the tour would be over in 6 hours…"
“But still…”
“I may have something to lighten your mood”
Aaron lifts his head from the map and puts a FM Adapter for its phone.
“I just need to tune the radio”
Some knob turning later; a song starts playing through the radio:
Deep Purple - Highway Star - YouTube
“Uuuuhhhh Yeah that is much better”
“At least our music taste is the same”
The Radio is still playing Highway themed Rock music
“How far is it to the next point ?”
“It should be " Aaron looks at the map " Another 140km or so”
" So around an hour ?"
Aaron does a big yawn “Yeah seems about right”
“Eh. Don’t get sleepy on me, i need you here”
“Yes i know” Aaron yawns again. “But it is getting late and i am getting hungry…”
“Me too…” Paul also yawns. “GOD DAMNIT YOU INFECTED ME”
“I may have an idea.”
With that the music gets louder
“OH OH you need to take this right here” Aaron pointed out
“TELL ME THIS SOONER”
With some tyre screech the boat takes the street of the highway
“That a lot of trees” says Paul while checking out the wildness around him
“Google Maps says this park is a great camping place.”
“We should camp too !”
“You got a tent ?”
“No…”
“So a Hotel.”
Paul’s stomach growls loudly
“I hope we get something to eat there…”
“We should. But before we go there we need a picture”
“Oh right.”
The car comes to a full stop.
“Why are you stopping Paul?”
“Because of the picture ? DUUUHHHHH”
“DON’T STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD”
“Just be quick !”
“But here a people…”
“Then you can show them your cool Hazmat suit”
Paul begin to giggle
“I hate you so much”
With that Aaron lefts the car.
Aaron quickly gets back into the car
“There is your stupid picture”
“So… How did everybody like your outfit”
Paul start to giggle
“JUST GO TO THE HOTEL”
" I hope the people here don’t thing they are in danger now"
" YOU WILL BE IN DANGER IF YOU DON’T START DRIVING"
“Chill”
With that the car starts to move again
“That was some good food. I gonna sleep great tonight.”
Both of the brothers walk up the stairs
“Finally i can sit on something NOT filthy”
" I wouldn’t bet on it. You remember the ‘Hotel Hell’ episodes we saw together ?"
" DON’T YOU FUCKING RUIN THIS FOR ME"
" Well. This is my room. See you tomorrow"
With that Paul disappears in his room
“-sign- If i don’t get any sleep tonight i will slap him…”
TEAM OUTRIDERS
Nothing exciting to report, Marc woke up to take a piss, then went back to sleep.
#The Cowys
this way for the previous post
Friday 14:00
Nomade
When the cars started to be unloaded we had the advantage to be one of the first ones to get out. Since I had driven the 86 miles to the ferry I passed the keys to Ram. “Here, man, your turn, try to have some fun”.
Ram grabbed the keys and slotted them into the ignition. “I think we’ll go at a moderate pace, should be fine.” Not long after we left, though, we started to be passed…
…by almost everybody. 
Ram
“Calm down, man, let them go, when they break down or run out of gas, we’re going to pass then all” I said impishly while Nomade squirmed around impatiently. “Besides, we need to take care, you know how these MR cars handle at high speeds”.
Nomade replied, “Yeah, yeah, I know, oversteer and all. Ehh, let’s hear something at least to relax a little…”
Friday 16:00
Ram
As we kept going, the gray wagon and the purple classic were left behind, and we approached the next block of cars. “I told you we would get them” I said with a slight suggestion of a smirk on my face.
“Well, it’ll take some work to pass the four of them, but I’ll give it to you, you were right”, Nomade grumbled and picked up the map. Not long after we passed them easily, giving a quick toot of the horn. “It sure feels great to have power when you need it!” Nomade said, having brightened up considerably now.
Nomade
I traced a finger along a road on the map and mused out loud, “Yep, we’re on our way alright, should we be stopping for a break?”
Ram fidgeted for a bit. “These seats may be well fitting and all but a small MR coupe isn’t the best choice for comfort. Our DIY exhaust is drony as fuck too, it’s just this manual gearbox keeping me alive here.” he said with a laugh.
“35 miles or so down the road we’ll be passing through the edge of a lake by the side of Olympic National Park.” Nomade hinted with a tinge of hope.
“Let’s take a break there.” Ram decided.
In a short while we started to see some more familiar cars, and decided to play catch up. Chugging along was the Ardent with it’s swapped engine.
Friday 18:00
Ram
So the first cars started filing off the highway towards Fort Stevens State Park. But we had decided to push on, I needed to see Olympic. As we approached Amanda Park I woke up Nomade, who had fallen asleep. “We’re here, let’s get something to eat and have a look around.” We ate, fuelled the car and walked around for 20 minutes or so, silent at the breathtaking scenery.
We decided to change positions, I was getting really tired. “Now I can have some fun” said Nomade with a smile playing on his face. “I’ll get some nice music,” I said grabbing the cable.
It was an uneventful drive back to the park, we just drove until we reached the camping site and promptly fell asleep, too tired to even eat. Jetlag, driving and a drony exhaust does that to you. I was going to wake up early the next day anyway, so cooking up a proper breakfast would be a treat.
Friday 22:00 - morning
Team Mr. Hankey
Friday 10pm -> Midnight
Bill: UGH. Fah… Ooooh. Ho! (Coughing) What the hell is… that…?
He looks over at the Wookiee, who has a smile creeping across his face.
Bill: (in an angry whisper) You’re about as funny as a fart in an elevator! (opens the window for some air). Go and see a doctor.
So they pulled in at the nearest petrol station it was a shell one just passed the Maccas and next to a Domino’s.
They all felt a bit odd driving on the wrong side of the road. Pulling in to fill up only highlighted how strange it was to do so in a right-hand drive car! They were getting all sort of funny looks from the locals.
Everyone was feeling a bit tired now. Mitch decided to let Dan take over. Fearing that Sam might get a bit lead footed. Especially in this built up area which was bound to be full of police.
Before they left Sam made sure to stock up on the bizarre lollies or candies as I’m sure they’d insist they are called. No matter how hard they tried. It seemed like everything came with peanuts attached or flavoured in there. Not to mention the corn that seemed to creep into all items of food over here.
Anyway sufficiently loaded with sugar the team made the push for their final waypoint at Fort Stevens State Park, OR. Sam was growing rather impatient now not having anything to do until the waypoint. He was instantly regretting his choice of gum. “Yuck! what’s they point in!? Tastes nothing like it says!”
“Oh this is horrible you gotta try it, Mitch.”
Mitch half awake grabbed the package “Fire Spicy Cinnamon Chewing gum…Umm, no thanks. You can have that all to yourself.”
“Aww come on.”
“Didn’t you buy anything decent to eat?” Mitch asked looking as the assortment of colour snacks. “Something savoury perhaps?” Mitch suggested.
“Well not really…this gum isn’t that bad once the flavour wears off”
Mitch just shook his head surely everyone knows savoury snacks are better…
Meanwhile, up front, Dan was quietly taking in the sights of the town. There sure were a lot of motels around.
“Hey guys, we aren’t just going to be camping at the waypoint are we?”
“No bloody way!” Mitch declared. “Might be fine for you spring chickens but I’ve got a bad back.”
“We don’t even have a tent!”
“I’m pretty sure we can stay motels and stuff”
After Sam and Mitch looked over their notes and guidebooks. They found out they were perfectly allowed to stay motels if they wanted. A great sense of relief filled the cabin and as a reward for their hard work. Mitch and Sam eventually fell into a slumber.
After around 40 minutes and many miles of uneventful driving. Dan guided by tunes of the decidedly repetitive local radio stations. Eventually guided the cobalt Maesima made it onto the Astoria-Megler Bridge.
Crossing the vast expansive Columbia River and notably the state border between Washington and Oregon. As they left the bridge the town of Astoria filled their vision. The road works at the end of the bridge allowed them plenty of time to take in this view.
While the waypoint was to the right they took a left and headed to the nearest motel. Driving through the pretty streets of Astoria the team couldn’t help but feel like they were in a real-life version of Twin Peaks. That being one of the few touchstones of popular culture that informed the teams understanding of this part of America.
Leaving the town behind they found the motel and quaint little two story place up a slight hill.
The empty parking lot save for a deep merlot Ardent Chancellor of Team Greasy Lightning. It looked like they’d already turned in for the night. But with any luck, they might be able to catch up with them over the free morning breakfast.
As it was already getting quite late Dan, Mitch and Sam decided to find a place for dinner. Maybe that Pizza & Burger place a back in Astoria. Then they’d call it a night. At least that was the plan.
Sure enough, after dinner, Mitch was fast asleep. Snoring loudly enough to prevent the other two from getting a good nights sleep.
They were regretting sharing a family suite now. At least there was cable TV and free Wi-Fi. So they could at least check in on social media to see how the rest of the teams were fairing at the campsite.
how many days does the challenge goes on for?
Da Wei : right we’re here. Well. mostly. What do you wanna do first?
Frank: Find us a good spot for camping. If you put up the tents, I’ll get us something to eat.
Da Wei : tent? I thought we were gonna go early tomorrow?
Frank: You think of sleeping in the car? Well, no, tomorrow’s gonna be a long day. I want to sleep comfortably.
Da Wei : but we’re gonna risk oversleeping. You know how hard it is to wake me up. Although it is not the end of the world. But i was thinking just sleep in the car for today, so tomorrow we can get to sleep earlier in some nice hotel somewhere. So? I’ll follow your words this time
Frank: Hmm, I don’t like it that we got those tents with us for no reason then. But okay, let’s sleep in the car so we get going faster in the morning. Concerning the waking up … I got something with us. Reaches under the car’s seat Ta-daa. An alarm clock. This is enough to wake us and the surrounding teams up, hehe.
Da Wei : is…. is that…… an School Bell Alarm?! Another one of your ridicolous contraptions? I want to say good job. But i’m also terrified of what’s gonna happen in the morning
##to the teams that are camping on the park. you may or may not be able hear a LOUD school bell at 5AM tomorrow
Frank: We’re not gonna oversleep that way, that’s for sure.
Da Wei : i mean…. Yeah…… But…. you know…… i’m gonna position the car so we can gun it in the morning if someone is pissed and comes running to us. So. food? And i’ll grab our blanket for the night then stroll around and talk to those that are still awake
Frank: You like toast? There’s that diner at the camp ground entry.
Da Wei : Huh. yes. I’d like a few. We’ve been on snacks only the whole day i’d say yes to pretty much anything really. Lemme pull the blanket out then we’ll go
The 2 of them walked to the diner to eat some late dinner. When they came back Frank go directly into the car and set the alarm then sleep. Da Wei wondered around for a bit, seeing almost everyone is either already asleep or too busy, came back to the car and sleep
Challenge is 48 hours. It ends at noon on Sunday, game time.
TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.
All vehicles are on US101 South.
Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Tillamook Cheese Factory, Oregon Coast Aquarium.
Next Waypoint(s): Fort Stevens State Park, OR, Seal Rock, OR
VicVictory:
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 383 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -10 Notes: Team is asleep; alarm set for 6:30am.
@yurimacs
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -9 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.
@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -7 Notes: Team got a rude awakening at 5am by one of their neighbors having an alarm go off. At 6am, they are packed and ready to hit the road.
@Madrias
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -8 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.
@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -7 Notes: Team got a rude awakening at 5am by one of their neighbors having an alarm go off. At 6am, they are packed and ready to hit the road.
@CriticalSet9849
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -9 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.
@BailsMackenzie
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 408 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -11 Notes: Waypoint completed: Team is asleep at a motel in Seaside, OR.
@Mikonp7
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -8 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.
@TheBobWiley
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 491 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -12 Notes: Team asleep at Chinook Winds Resort Casino.
@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -9 Notes: Team got a rude awakening at 5am by one of their neighbors having an alarm go off. At 6am, they are packed and ready to hit the road.
@HighOctaneLove
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -9 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.
@strop
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 350 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -10 Notes: Sleeping at the Seaquest Motel in Raymond, WA.
@stm316
TBDC: 121 mi OD: 365 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -2 Notes: Team is underway, and has had the opportunity to experience sunrise as they drive along. Refueled in Aberdeen, WA.
@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -9 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.
@abg7
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -8 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.
@rileybanks
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -8 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.
@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: -1 FTG: -8 Notes: Team’s alarm went off at 5am. As they were getting ready and packing up, they were visited by the Park Ranger, who has momentarily detained them, and given them a $200 citation for noise violations during quiet hours.
@Rk38
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 383 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -11 Notes: Team is asleep at the Astoria Crest Motel
@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -8 Notes: Team got a rude awakening at 5am by one of their neighbors having an alarm go off. At 6am, they are packed and ready to hit the road.
@SkylineFTW97
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 393 mi MRL: +0 FTG: -8 Notes: Team is asleep at Fort Stevens State Park.
None - Only one car is actually on the road.
(No RP this time period, team is asleep)
Luke was glad that they’d set up camp on the other side of the park as he picked up the sound of a terrifyingly annoying alarm going off. He looked at the tents, still dampened from the rain all night, then toward the sky to see the clouds. It was a comfortable 8.3 degrees Celsius outside, and Luke had to fight rolling the windows down to let the cold into the car. Inside, it was a lot closer to about 21 degrees Celsius, given that even at night-rest, he still had full processing power.
But, his plan was to just let his team sleep in. Sure, it gave them a late start, but he could make up for that late start by driving faster.
Aftermath
MRL: +9 (No Change) Too far away to hear the alarms going off.
FTG: -1 (-8) Somehow un-tired.
Car Condition:
Brakes still need to be fixed, and the engine is still off.
##Team Artiseros
(No rp at the moment,trio in sleep mode)
Fatigue: -1 (sleeping is good)
Morale: 12 (nothing happening)
Three of our heros are asleep, whilst Phil has gotten up and gone outside to have a smoke.
Upon reaching for a smoke Phil realizes that he is nowhere near the hotel and is quite badly lost.
Unfazed he reaches for a cigarette and pulls one out of his arm, leaving a perfect cigarette sized hole in his forearm.
Now very alert and studying the hole in his arm, it becomes apparent that he’s bleeding heavily from the wound.
And then the flashbacks come, tied up in a hotel room with his insane girlfriend as she completes drawing a pentagram on the floor in chalk, chanting all the while as she sharpens a butchers knife that she stole.
Phillip tries to snap out of it, but it’s real, he’s tied to the bed.
The knife raises in the air and quickly heaves into his chest, he screams.
“What the F***?” yells Jason, as he falls out of bed.
Phillip readjusts to the room, it’s the Motel in Seaside again and there’s a large wall of pillows next to him.
“Sorry, I guess I was just having a bad dream”
#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post
All was quiet in the park campsite. The Southend tent was silent too. And then…
“Ohhhargggh” moaned Seb as he was jolted awake by the sound of the alarm. He rubbed his eyes and turned to find his watch - 5:00am on the dot. You’ve got to be kidding me he thought to himself.
Shortly following this, James learned that they had been woken up at this horridly early time by the alarm and proceeded to get rather angry about it.
“Oh my f*cKING CHRIST, WHAT MONGREL DECIDED TO SET THEIR ALARM SO THE WHOLE OF WASHINGTON STATE COULD HEAR IT?” he shouted.
“James, we’re in Oregon” said Martin, with an equally grumpy tone.
“IT’S ONLY ACROSS THE RIVER, MY POINT STANDS” James returned quickly. He forced the zips open on the tent and stomped outside.
He was joined by the equally unhappy members of Outriders and the Apex Predators, as well as The Cowys. None were very happy. But as to who has set the alarm so early and so loudly, it wasn’t clear. James went back into the tent, having barely had time to get his PJs on before he’d stormed out. He looked at the other two.
“Well, we’re up now, might as well get going!” he said sarcastically.
Martin turned to Seb. “He’s gonna be like this all day, isn’t he”.
“Yep Martin, that he is”
Our Protagonists Almost Die Before They Even Get To The Start
Our Protagonists Are Introduced And Act Like Somewhat Normal People
In Which They Noise Pollute Like College Frat Boys And Are Thoroughly Outdone by a Blue Man
In Which They Argue About Playing Gay Chicken With Keys Being Hidden in Unmentionable Places
Seriously read my shit, this is going downhill so fast. Or not. Some of it’s so horrible I feel like I should include a trigger warning for mild bro-on-bro sexual assault or something
#Team Flaming Fart Cannon
Raindrops keep falling on my head,
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed,
Nothing seems to fit,
Those raindrops keep falling on my head,
They keep falling-
Strop’s eyes cracked open, then he blinked, as another drop fell on his head. Where the hell was he? Last he remembered, he was in a bed… it wasn’t his own bed.
Drip. Another drop. He stared upwards and squinted. A face with a shock of red hair squinted back.
“FUCK.” Strop sat bolt upright, almost cracking his head on Kai’s face, if not for the latter’s race driver reflexes. “Seriously what the fuck man, and why are you wet.”
Kai bounced off the bed, leaving a big wet patch. “There was a nice pool.”
Strop boggled. “First, as if the pool would be open at… what, six in the morning, and second, this motel doesn’t even have a pool so where the fuck were you.”
Kai shrugged. “I dunno. Also, it was more like four. I got bored because I can’t find the keys.” He paused, before turning to fix Strop with a meaningful stare. “Did you actually shove them up your butt?”
“No! As if I would!” Strop shrank back, horrified, but more horrified still when they both heard the telltale clink of keys in the vicinity of Strop’s crotch.
“The keys say otherwise!” Kai advanced towards Strop, who was now backed up all the way against the bedboard. “Okay okay man, just keep calm, I know it sounds stupid but I honestly thought you were gonna jack the car overnight because you’re a total race otaku and AHHHH OH MY GOD-”
That was the moment Kai, still maintaining direct eye contact with Strop, plunged his hand down Strop’s pants and started ferreting around Strop’s goods for the keys.
At this point, I shall deliberately break the fourth wall, as this passage’s author, to pause for a moment of reflection. You may be thinking what am I doing writing such explicit content in such poor taste. And why doesn’t poor Strop simply grab Kai’s hand and rip it off for invading his sanctum in such a licentious fashion. Well, I can’t say I speak purely from experience here, but I ask you to imagine what it feels like to have your jimmies forcibly rustled: it’s actually pretty paralysing. Remember kiddies, victim blaming ain’t cool.
After a good twenty seconds (or an eternity) of squirming and a hand being in places it was never invited to, ever, Kai fished out the keys and triumphantly held them aloft. “Behold! The fruits of your labour!” He promptly went to christen the keys and baptise them in bleach while Strop rolled around on the floor clutching his violated goolies.
By the time Kai finished, his hands were red raw, and Strop had regathered the remnants of his non-existent dignity, changed, and headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth. “Did you enjoy that Kai?” he spat between scrubs. “Did you enjoy rustling my jimmies? Did your bisexual self feel like it was neglecting the feeling of playing with balls?”
Kai blew a raspberry at Strop. “Hope it was as good for you as it was for me.”
Inwardly, Strop growled, and brushed the remainder of his teeth in awkward silence.
Twenty minutes later, Strop’s glower had not faded much, staring daggers at Kai over breakfast. “I still can’t believe you actually went that far.”
“Hey man, you were the one who shoved the keys down your pants. I totally told you I’d get them back.” He suspiciously eyed the world-famous BBQ oysters (seriously? Oysters for breakfast?), favouring the pancakes, and pancakes with syrup, and pancakes with jam, and poached eggs, and bacon, and fried mushrooms. “So it was totally fair warning.”
Strop huffed, but said nothing. After all, Kai was literally correct, and judging by the smug grin on his face rating a 10 on the ‘would dearly like to punch’ scale, he knew it.
“Never do that again or I’m seriously telling Bianca.”
Even Strop’s trump card folded. “What, about your key in butt fetish? Can you imagine explaining to E how you hid the keys up your butt? Yeah, I thought so, doesn’t sound good no matter how you spin it hahahahaha.”
Well, of course. Somewhere along the way this line of event had gone from sounding like a good idea at the time, to kind of stupid, to not making even any sense at all. Just like their car and this entire trip! Whatever!
Though that didn’t quite erase the weirdness of him putting the keys down his pants and having one of his best friends with whom he shared zero sexual tension put his hand down his pants. You know, just best friends… copping a feel. Eurgh.
Seven o’clock, and the steam of their breath drifted through the light drizzle. Kai was inappropriately attired, as usual, thanks to his weird Scandanavian cold resistance. Strop was in his puffy waterproof jacket. Since Kai had the keys once more, it seemed he would continue driving, as was his wont.
“What are you doing Kai,” he said as Kai fished a suspicious looking bar out of his pocket and promptly jammed it between the driver’s door and the window sill of Toothless. “Are you seriously breaking into your own car.”
“Duh,” Kai said, sliding the bar down, yanking it and popping the door open in all of four seconds. Ten seconds later and he had cracked the fuse box and hotwired the car, the engine cranking to life. “Did you forget I spent like a year being the Phantom of the Street after I got fired from my last job before GG?” He finally looked at Strop, whose face indeed confirmed that yes, he had completely forgotten this fact, the final underscore to the complete and utter uselessness of his defiant gesture of stupidity. Then he started laughing.
“As if I’m going to touch those keys again. After where they been, they’re going up in flames along with the rest of the car!”
MRL: 6+ (or more like 10+ for Kai, -4 for Strop, at least, temporarily)
FTG: 0
Reminds me of the time I pulled a trick like that in real life and my mate responded by kicking me in the crotch.
