Transcript of the interview with Barry Bonkarenko of Team Right Turn Motorsports (by PMI) for the occasion of the introduction of Shrödinger’s Surprise as official sponsor:
Transcription by Julie F. Forsyth, secretary, Shrödinger’s Surprise Corp.
Interviewer: We are here with PMI-driver Barry Bonkarenko. Mr. Bonkarenko, how are you?
Bonkers: Great, Jimmy – I can call you Jimmy right?
Interviewer: Eh… ye…
Bonkers: Great! And I am fine thank you, finally some milk.
Interviewer: … Milk?
Bonkers: Yes! Finally! I had to ask my manager to insist at the hotel. Barry is a big boy, I like my bottle of milk in the morning. Next to the omelet, bacon, sausages, toast, and a cream cheese bagel.
Interviewer: … That’s great…
Bonkers: It is! Milk is great!
Interviewer: Anyway, let’s move on to the c…
Bonkers: And Potatoes!
Interviewer: … Sorry?
Bonkers: Potatoes. They are great. I love potatoes.
Interviewer: … Ok… Anyway! Let’s move on to the car!
Bonkers: Ah, the Interceptor.
Interviewer: Yes, yes, the Interceptor, how is it.
Interviewer: So, it’s a bad car?
Bonkers: No, no! Not at all, it’s a great car. Easy to drive, reliable, fantastic noise. Just slow.
Interviewer: How slow?
Bonkers: Top speed; fairly sure we have the lowest horsepower rating of the field.
Interviewer: So, you’re not very hopeful for Daytona then?
Bonkers: I’m looking forward, see the guys in the paddock, smell the fuel and tires and oil; get on the track. But we’ll most like be last on the tri-oval. At least of those cars reliable enough to last until the end without major mishaps.
Interviewer: That doesn’t sound very positive…?
Bonkers: Turn Right insisted that they are actually good at turning right, so I am looking forward to the road courses. The car also feels good on the smaller ovals.
Interviewer: So, you’re happy with your choice for Team Right Turn Motorsports?
Bonkers: Mate! Jimmy! It’s ******* ASCAR. Of course I’m happy!
Interviewer: That’s an expressive ending to our interview. Thank you, Mr. Bonkarenko, for your time; and best of luck for the upcoming season.
Bonkers: It’s Barry. And Jimmy, we’ve got time, we’re here in the bar anyway. Let’s have a drink.
Interviewer: Ow, thank you, Mr. Bonk…
Interviewer: Barry, I shouldn…
Bonkers: Honey! 2 scotch, double!
Unknown: Coming right up.
(Transcription note: tape recorder seems to switch on and off at sporadic, irregular intervals after this.)
Bonkers: …nd that’s when, you know, he just took it out and waved it at those nuns!
Interviewer: Hahahaha, oh god. Shhh, Barry, look at that group next to us, I think they only heard that last part.
Bonkers: Hey, you lot, come here. Come here! We drink, you drink. Let’s drink!
Bonkers (?): Heeyyupp.
Unknown: Oh my ******* god, that was a whole bleeping bottle!
Unknown, possibly Bonkers: POTATOOOO! Patato? PATATOOOO!
Unknown (Jimmy?): Uuuuuurrgggghhhh… Oh, ****… Beuuuuuurrrrkkkk… Pwwwusssssshhhh.
Interviewer: Hue!!? Oh ****. **** my ******* head. Wha…? Oh **** my plane. I have to get the **** up. ******* Bonkers, that’s why they ******* give you that ******* name, no? Whre the **** are my pants? Oh ****, they’re not here. I swear they are going ******* fire the **** out of me, what the **** does it matter whether or not I’m ******* wearing pants while they do it. Oooh, my head.