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[UE4] The Great Automation Run 2: Bolivian Affair, Chapter 5 and final results!


#181

2 Girls 1 Truck

During 1st stage right before the river:

Yasmin: “Slow down, there’s a river right ahead”

Isabella: “Roger!”

But the river was too much and at first and they didn't pass:

Y: “You need to rev a little higher to fill the turbo or we won’t have enough torque”

I: “Got it, gearhead, let me switch to low range gears too”

At their 2nd attempt they pass without problems:

I: “This beauty is great, honey, you’re an amazing girl! No one could build a better truck in such a short time!”

Y: “And you’re an amazing offroader, love” (kiss) “now let’s get back on track and catch up with the rest!”

After the 1st stage:

Y: “Everything went smooth today, the Nomad is working quite good”

I: “Yeah, I didn’t adapt with the turbo yet, but I’m getting the hang of it, there is plenty of power so we shouldn’t have much problem to finish the trip”

Y: “Thanks for inviting me, today was really fun, this is the best dating anniversary trip I could wish for”

I: “Well, what can I say? Nothing better than a sexy girl as my copilot to cross some rivers and explore the woods”

Y: “The time to explore the woods is over for today, now it’s time for me to explore some other well-know lands…” (smirk)

I: “Oh, you naughty girl…”

(Yes, my pc is a potato, sorry the shit quality pics)


#182

Team “As Seen on TV”

Day 1 - 2037hrs

It’d been a bit of a drive in, the tanks were brimmed as close to the start line as possible and they’d taken what seemed like the clearest route to the start line, upon seeing the cars already lined up and waiting the team decided to shut the engine off and coast into the pack, not wanting to give away with noise what the bonnet exit exhausts would already. The driver rolled down the windows and collected the crate of goodies, opening it up to find exactly what they would need; Two rolls of Flex Tape, a bottle of Cillit Bang and several ShamWow towels, along with a chainsaw and some Viagra, for some strange reason.

The memebers

Leader / Driver - Barry Scott
Co-driver / Engineer - Phil Swift
Backup driver / Medic - Vince Shlomi

The Car

A turn-of-the-century Area Wanderer with a dirty trick up it’s sleeve, as with the power of flex tape, anything is possible, and only a few days were needed to swap the engine and some of the running gear into the old lumbering beast, with a 6.4L turbocharged V12 under the bonnet, 62mph was achievable in well under 5 seconds on any surface. It was perfect


Day 1 - 2042hrs

Barry’s phone buzzed as he got the ominous text through, flicking the key and roaring the V12 to life, remarking to his co-driver “It take something super powerful to shift…” giving it a few quick revs, letting the turbos spool and flutter back down “Which is why you need the turbo power!”

The hand dropped, and so did the clutch of the Area Wanderer, even with all diffs locked the tyres stood no chance of putting down the 612 rampant horses under the hood from the 6.4 litre Schmamborghini engine, kicking up a storm of dusk and rocketing them to the front of the pack, an enthusiastic yell of “Look how it’s turbo power makes mincemeat!” barely audible over the deafening exhaust note. A struggle broke out trying to break past the Modesty Machine, some small superficial blows being exchanged between the two as they fought for road space and the lead, our intrepid hero Barry sustaining a cut from the ragged edges of the stripped-out interior, Phil and Vince quickly making and applying a small plaster for the cut from Flex Tape and part of a Shamwow towel, ensuring the team didn’t slow down any more than the obsticles forced them. The overtake was soon secured, an excited “Bang, and the dirt is gone!” resonated through the jungle at their success so far…


#183

Aston Orc Krew: Stage 1... Fight (literally)!

Jack: Alright alright people, this is yo boy Jack Aston, comin’ at you live from the GAR 2 campsite here in Bolivia! This is part 1 of the hardcore adventure that is the Great Automation Run, and we just finished stage 1!
We got some sweet insidah info for you. But first give it up to my partners in crime; on the camera we have my boy from a dark past, literally 'cause he’s black and white. Hugh Ache!

Hugh (turning camera to himself): Hello, Hugh here.

Jack: And of course runnin’ the livestream at max quality 24/7, the man of big frame who plays a lotta game; Slyvester Dood!

Sly: Heya. Don’t forget to follow my shop @Powerpackin’ and me at @doodwithfood!

Jack: Alright alright Sly, let’s not start with the socializin’ just yet, the people at home want dat sweet info! So, without further ado, let’s kick it into high gear!

Cue show intro with a lot of racing footage, and a lot of dubstep. It’s 2018, times are tough.

Jack: So, what did Stage 1 have prepared for all the boyz and girlz who want the 3 xtra large prize money? First off, a metric ton of jungle! 39 rides had to cover ground only some crazy old Brits covered and let me tell ya, it wasn’t a fast journey.

Things started hot when the oddball Area Wanderer took the lead followed by another weird name car, the Modesty Machine. These two guys didn’t have many bets goin’ for them, but they’re shutting critics up left and right! Not yours truly of course, it takes a lot more to impress an impressive man. Behind them came Team Help How Did We End Up In Here, 'cause a weird name is the right game apparently, in their equally weird green pimple car. But obstacles got in their way, so their pace had to take a back seat.

There was war everywhere. And no war is without casualties, my people. The Land Crusher nearly got crushed when it hit a tree, but the driver dude got away with only a headache. But he wasn’t the guy who got nailed the hardest, not by a long shot. Team Old But Gold saw their ride swept away by the current, when it drove too fast into a river. Unless you got kayaks for rims, you ain’t fordin’ crap around here, folks. Let that be an Aston Tourist Lesson. The drivers got away, but they’re trained pros. Takes one to know one.

And there were more casualties beyond the river. Team Communist Expendables tried to speed for the Motherland, but all the hammer they got was on their own car. One quick rolling was all it took to write their ride off, so they’re goin’ back to Moscow on their Socks & Shoes. It’s gonna serve as a monument for the moment when you make somethin’ out of steel, nothin’ beats Americana. Thing is more crumpled than a Russian dash cam after a pile-up…

For those who’re followin’ the adventures of the Shitbox Bros., or as I like to call’em, the Cheatbox Bros., bad news; their ride got a nice knock by the Travette, which injured one of the Travette’s guys. Plus word got out that they exchanged some salt and shade afterwards, which would’ve been awesome on TV. But our trusty helo was catching more crashing action, when Team Valhalla got up close and personal with Team Bibimbap. No car was rekt, but we did have a quick chat with Valhalla and can confirm Immortal’s got a coupla broken ribs. Dudes are too hardcore though, I bet they can pop those back into place while we wait for Stage 2.
If you bought the Premium Ticket Subscription, you can see the aftermath of this meeting of minds! I can tell ya one thing; those Korean dudes are lucky they got leg…

Standings time; the Area Wanderer is runnin’ on top, followed by the Modesty Machine. The Green Pimple is right behind them. Yours truly are currently in 14th pace, but as you all probably know, we’re just bidin’ our time. Bolivia hasn’t thrown its worst at us, so we won’t give our best to kick its ass just yet. Our adventure has just begun, and it’s still not too late to subscribe now with a 50% discount for all the race updates! Follow us on @OrcKrewOfficial for last-minute updates and interviews with drivers.

Will this be a race of wackos? When will Jack reveal the secret to his rock-hard abs? Can said abs tear down a tree? You betcha, but right now stay tuned for the next update on the suicidal, genocidal, death-daring… GREAT AUTOMATION RUN 2!!!

To Be Continued!


#184

Team Wonderbolts, Stage 1

Somwhere in the Bolivian jungle…

As soon as the arm dropped, Xsara released the handbrake and dropped the clutch, shooting the Ranger off into the forest. The trees, shrubbery and rough ground proved easy for the Ranger, gliding over everything.

They soon came to the river, Xsara slamming on the brakes.

[X] “Any idea how we could cross this?”
Moira points to a raised part of the shore line.
[M] “We could use that as a jump and clear it in one.”
[X] “I like your thinking.”
Xsara grins and lines the Ranger up with the grassy ramp.
[X] “ALONSY!”

With that shout, Xsara drops the clutch and the Wonderbolts fly off the grassy verge, launching over the river. Unfortunately, said grassy verge collapses into the river right after them, unable to hold the weight of the Ranger, but staying held together just long enough for it to be used as a makeshift ramp.

They landed hard on the other side of the river, the soft, off-road suspension absorbing the impact. With big grins on their faces, Team Wonderbolts continue on to the camp, where they find themselves sat comfortably in 4th.

** To Be Continued… **


#185

TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS, STAGE 1

MARIE: Not very hard offroad stages, huh, mr. Wise guy? We would have needed a rock crawler for this!
JANNE: Hrmf, it appears like I read something wrong about this race. Now, let’s try to pass this section again…
ANDREAS: This machete is very cool…
MARIE: I would put that one back on this stage, if we hit an obstacle it will fly…

CRASH!

JANNE: BLOODY IDIOT! YOUR DAMN MACHETE CUT MY EAR OFF! LOOK HOW I AM BLEEDING!
MARIE: YEAH, WHAT DID I TELL YOU JUST SOME SECONDS AGO?

Marie takes the machete and throws it back to Andreas sitting in the back seat. It however did not go as planned…

ANDREAS: GREAT, NOW I HAVE A MACHETE EMBEDDED IN THE SHOULDER! DO YOU THINK THAT’S FUNNY!

Furious as never before, Andreas is ripping the machete out of the shoulder, managing to hit Marie in the face…

MARIE: MY (curse word) NOSE, DID YOU EVER HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ABOUT ME WANTING TO KEEP IT IN PLACE?
JANNE: Sigh…I guess we are equal now. Now, get some duct tape and paper tissues so we can tape each other together again…

Taped together like Frankensteins monster, the team continues through the jungle

ANDREAS: Can’t you pass that damn diesel thing? You were so confident about our turbo V6!
JANNE: It’s big! It’s completely blocking our way! And I can’t pass on the sides because this is after all just a disco SUV, not a real offroader.
MARIE: We should have gotten a Brigadeer after all.
JANNE: Let’s do some psychological warfare…

(honking dixie horn 200 times after each other)

@Private_Miros


#186

Operation BIRD; First Stage I

August 25th 2018; 20:42; evening


Tonsoms phone emits a ringtone. He pulls out one of those ancient Nokia 3310s and reads the message displayed.
The race has officially started
He turns over to the other two:

Tonsom: “Alright, race is on! Here we go!”
Redwood: “Finally, time for my engineering to shine!”

Connor immediately gets into the car, occupying the rear-left seat. Tonsom follows, but on the co-driver seat. Redwood closes up the trunk and also gets into the Mimas as the driver. He starts the engine (firing it up would be severly overstated), puts into first, flicks the lever to lock the diff and heads off into the woods.

The first few minutes were rather uneventful, until they got to a river, with a Tobotar Outlander 4x4 stuck in it. Two people are standing in the river, knee-deep, furious about being out already.
Tonsom rolls down the window:

Tonsom: [shouting] “HEY! You stuck? Need a ride?”
Connor: “The car belongs to the team named Old But Gold, the members are named Richard Smith and Susan Miller.”
Smith: “STAY AWAY! I need time for myself…”
Miller: [comforting voice] “Come on… they are trying to help…”
Smith: “NO WAY! Either i get ther in MY car or i am gonna die here…”
Miller: “Look… they seem to be friendlies. They are trying to help us even though their race result will be blown by this…”
Smith: “Ah fuck it… at least i can keep my money.”
Redwood: “You can enter once we are through the river. Okay?”
Miller: “Nice of you guys.”

The car drives through the river without much of a problem. Connors preconstruction software really helped find the right path in this case and provided Redwood with crystal-clear instruction on where to drive.
On the other side, the group of four helped load Team Old But Gold get their stuff onto the until then empty roofrack of the Mimas. They decided that Connor was of little help for reloading their belongings. Sadly, their tools and everything else in the trunk sank together with the car.
Smith and Miller enter the Mimas with Susan in the rear-middle seat and Richard sitting in the rear-right seat.The other three enter in their positions as before.

The rest of the trip to the camp-site remained rather uneventful, with Redwood mostly using pre-plowed paths of bigger, faster competitors.


August 25th 2018; 21:24; evening

Redwood: “Well… seems like we´re there.”
Tonsom: [:roll_eyes:] “Finally… i wanna sleep…”

The three members and two guest occupants exit the car and start setting up their tents.
Building up a tent was not much of an issue for Susan and Richard, although it´s size (they have seperate tents) made it take longer than most others. Tonsom has serious problems getting his tent assembled, while Redwood took it a sptep further and sets camp in 14 seconds, because he has one of those throw-and-it-opens-into-a-tent-tent things. After that, he helps Tonsom, unsuccessfully, leading to Tonsom having to sleep in the car this time. Connor, not owning a tent in the first place has to stay in the car as well.
While Miller, Smith and Redwood are making themselves at home in their tents, there is a bot of talking in the Mimas…

Tonsom: “Well… my tent is apparently broken. So i have to stay with you the night…”
Tonsom folds the driver seat full flat, now lying down in the car.
Connor: “Your tent is in perfect condition and nothing is missing, Captain.”
Tonsom: “Your ice is getting thin already, and we are fourty minutes in… you want to make it even thinner?”
Connor: [obviously not getting it] “Which sheet of ice are you talking about?”
Tonsom: “Fuck… you are dumber than expected… Anyway… got some topics to talk about?”
Connor: “Yes.”
Tonsom: “Blast ahead.”
Connor: “Can i have my coin back?”
Tonsom: “Why the fuck do you want the coin now??”

Connor: “Remember our visit at Millers Cars and Vans?”
Tonsom: [to himself] “Oh my god not that thing…”
Connor: “Your attack loosened a Thirium hose connection, leading to severe loss of Thirium. The loss resulted in me having to use passive-mode in order to prevent any additional damage. That is why i should have collapsed onto the floor.”
Tonsom: “Oh… Did not think of you being… able to be ingured?”
Connor: “Being damaged. The connection was re-established around 4 minutes later and a supply of Thirium allowed me to return to normal operation.”
Tonsom: “That must´ve been when you woke up?”
Connor: “Correct. The loss of connection meant loss of calibration for the right arm component.”
Tonsom: “Now what?”
Connor: “I need this coin to recalibrate the movements involving the right arm.”
Tonsom: “Soo… you are gonna play with your coin for an eternity?”
Connor: “If you want to call it playing, yes, but not for an eternity.”
Tonsom: “Maybe tomorrow… i need some rest…”

Tonsom rolls around a bit, trying to find a sensible sleeping position. Connor just sits there, staring straight ahead, waiting for any further instructions.


OOC stuff:
Note 1: picking up Old But Gold was agreed on voa Discord DM
Note 2: @Mr.Computah i may accept a minor time penalty at the next morning to compensate for the time spent loading their stuff onto the Mimas
Note 3: Any character in my Team (members of Old But Gold included) will be called by their last name in my posts (Connor does not have a last name)
Note 4: same applies for any other character, if a last name is available
Note 5: since Connor’s cover went down the drain in the Discord, i saw no reason to continue hiding his identity


#187

Yeah, I totally can’t tell what position I ended in. But I am disappointed I had a breakdown this early in the event.


#188

Honey?

Oh, Jean, c’est toi? It’s Leo, where is Sarah?

Hello Honey

What do you mean don’t honey you?

I am calling…

I didn’t know it was 3 am there… Wait, what is Jean doing th…?

Bolivia.

No, Bolivia, the country, not that dance club.

Yes, there’s a country that’s called Bolivia.

Sarah, no, I’m not with Dominica, that time is over…

Yes, I realize that turned out to be country too.

Look, don’t be like this, honey…

Ok, no, honey. I’m here with Calle and Kenny.

No, it’s not a place with loose women. It’s something with cars and rednecks, like those half-mummies in the car behind us until we finally got here in the camp.

No, I’m not doing drugs, I need to drive. I’m a responsible adult person.

Sarah, stop laughing.

Look, baby, I’ll be home, and I’ll bring a surprise. It’s going to be big.

No, I don’t have it already.

No, not almost either, we… had some complications on the way so f…

Ok, you, sure, screw you too.

Love you too.


#189

Team JuiceHouse // Day 1

YEET

[With a big slide the car reaches the campsite. Muffled bass boosted Dubstep playes from the car. With a more or less aimed handbrake turn the car stops on an empty space, spraying mud around in the process]

[The music stops and the front door opens. Thick white smoke escapes from the car interior as Kyle and Jim exit]
“So this is the jungle?” Kyle says.
“Looked more impressiv on TV to be fair boy.”
“Well we prob gunna see more tomorrow bro”
“So where we gun sleep ? i aint seeing no hotel here?”
“Ah lookit i planned !”
[Kyle goes to the back door, opens it and then proceeds to fold the back row down.]
“Bro you wanna sleep in the car?”, Jim asks
“Im not done yet fam”
[Kyle opens the the trunk and opens up a box and gets the content out]
“What is that?”
“It a trunk tent!”
“A wha?”
“Youl see man”
[After some time the tent was rasied over the trunk]
“And now we have more room!”,Kyle says.
“But that mean we still have to sleep next to each other…”
“I have sleeping bags ?”
“But bro thats kinda… gay you know”
“I mean we do have that condom”
“Brah not cool”


#190

Team Dirt Warriors, Part 1

The Dirt Warriors were only 10th after the first leg, but since they were racing for fun, it didn’t matter to them very much at all. After they heard about the Communist Expendables’ demise, Geoff was very relieved that he and his right-hand man hadn’t suffered the same fate… yet.

Stan: “What on earth did we expect from them? They must’ve been tempting fate with such a name.”

Geoff: “Serves them right. Team Old But Gold aren’t here either - I’m presuming they’ve also been killed in action unless someone tells us otherwise.”

Stan: “You mean they also died from injuries sustained in a crash?”

Geoff: “Not a certainty, but highly likely, which goes to show how dangerous this race really is. As for us, we’re still in the top 10 after the first leg, so we’re due some credit at the very least.”

Stan: “It’s our fuel economy (or lack of it) that’s holding us back, though, and besides, some of our rivals are just plain faster.”

Geoff: “Regardless of our shortcomings, we’d rather be holding nothing back for the next leg. We could gain a few positions that way.”

Stan: “Our plan’s set, then.”

And so the Dirt Warriors set up camp, had dinner and went to sleep, eagerly anticipating what the next day would bring.

Current budget: $6081


#191

GAR 2: Episode 2 - Vertigo

Stage 1 campsite, near Riberalta, Bolivia, 07:20 AM. 26th August 2018.


#192

Alright, Not so bad for the GA700. atleast they didn’t fell of the cliff :joy:

(Anyway, i am extremely lazy to write a role about this, So i’ll just take a seat, grab a snack, and watch)


#193

I have a crap car, am dead slow, BUT mostly healthy and the car is running great!


#194

Team Two Idiots

John just hit an extremely hard bump

“FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK” screamed Scott as his arm gets jammed through his elbow…

“SCOTT ARE YOU OKAY?!” shouted John

“I don’t…” Scott is cut off when he faints from the agonizing pain.

“Oh fuck!” John shouts

They pull over and John notices how the bone is poking out. John jams Scott’s arm out of his elbow and back into place. He then wipes down the entire area with antiseptic and puts the bone in position. Then he wraps bandage all around the area.

“Should do for now, when we reach the next stop I gotta do something a bit more…”

John takes the rest of the journey a lot slower as he does not want to injure Scott anymore.

“Holy shit, that man needs some milk.”

As John reaches a straight of some sort… he guns it, hopefully to make up time…

John immediately hits a huge bump and flies towards a tree, as the truck lands, he jams his steering wheel to the left.

He clips off his right mirror and regains control…

“I nearly died… holy shit I am a terrible driver.”

He sees Scott, still snoring in his chair.

“Phew… at least that didn’t end too bad…”

2 be continued


#195

I am not third last!

I think.

Maybe.

Spreadsheets are difficult.


#196

“I wonder how that M3 is doin’…”


#197

TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
26th of August 2018

ANDREAS: I’m sure I can pass this obstacle pretty well if I just floor it.
MARIE: I think you’re wrong!
JANNE (sleeping in the back seat): ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
The V6 roared through the jungle, with a wheezing turbo in the background, as Andreas floored the accelerator.
ANDREAS: I bet we can make it, we’re almost thro…
BANG!
JANNE (with a heavily bleeding nose): WHAT THE (curse word) ARE YOU DOING?
ANDREAS: What are YOU doing, it’s like you were trying to head butt me?
JANNE: Are you so damn stupid that you think you can pass through the jungle with a girlie SUV just by flooring it…sigh… Lousy lap belts in the rear, as good as duct taping your pants to the seat…
ANDREAS: You should have built the car better but you said we didn’t need an offroader.
JANNE: LET ME DRIVE IT AGAIN!
Some minutes later
ANDREAS: So, mr. Wise Guy. We’re stuck again. How about getting us loose with your magical driving skills?
JANNE: I should have brought my own Deer and Hunt to this, sigh…

27th of August 2018
ANDREAS: Hey, this is where the Turbo V6 pays off! I’m starting to like it!
JANNE: Yeah, just floor it and…BRAKE BRAKE BRAKE BRAKE!!!
The ABS system started doing its work like there was no tomorrow…
ANDREAS: There’s a huge rock blocking the road!
JANNE: SIGH, DO YOU WANT ME TO DRIVE AGAIN? WE CAN PASS IT!

Later on

ANDREAS: We are stuck on this rock now, are you starting to realize why you can’t use a barbie Suv in an offroad competition?

After the third attempt to pass, which was a success, the team stopped briefly.

ANDREAS: Turbo V6 or not, we’re losing time on this…
JANNE. For the next competition I wil buy a damn tank!


#198

Team Wonderbolts. Day 2.

Having left the camp early, Xsara and Moira took an early lead over the competition. However, the bumps and vibrations meant that the bolts holding up the steering column came loose, the steering wheel drooping into Xsara’s lap. She pulled the Ranger over to the side while she went about re-fixing the steering column to the dash.

[X] “Get the tool kit, Moira and two lock nuts.”
Moira obliges, grabbing the necessary equipment.

Xsara replaces the regular nuts with the lock nuts and re-attaches the steering column, the nylon in the nuts gripling onto the thread of the bolts to ensure they don’t work loose.


Day 3

Despite that small hiccup, Team Wonderbolts entered the Death Road still in first place, the Ranger gliding through the treachetous path with ease. They met oncoming traffic a couple of times, but that didn’t slow them down.

Emerging from Death Road, the two girls were still in first, almost 14 minutes clear of the competition. Parking at their spot, they hopped out, cheering as they hugged, celebrating their small victory.

[X] “YEEEEEEETTTT!”
In a celebratory mood, Xsara drifts the Ranger into their spot.
[M] “We did it! We’re in first!”
[X] “No thanks to you with your excellent car choice and my great driving skills.”
They both get out and hug each other, Xsara starting a timer on her watch.
[X] “Wonder how far clear we are.”
They second place car soon arrives and she stops the timer.
[X] “Almost 14 minutes. I’m very happy with that.”
[M] “Same here.”

** To Be Continued… **


#199

Aston's Orc Krew: Curiosity killed the cat, insanity killed the rebels

Somewhere in Caranavi, Bolivia…

Jack: Well, we sure got past some crazy shit. That Death Road did some damage.

Sly: Still can’t believe the Shitbox Brothers went out like that… We just outran the best team to ever run a lemon, and they are gone…

Hugh: Keep your head cold, Sly. You knew the risks for this. The locals don’t call it Death Road because it sells tourism leaflets better. And right now we still need to finish this second part or we’ll join them.

Jack: You don’t need to tell me that twice. (looks at rearview mirror) Wait… The Valhallas? Dammit, we only got a dinky 4-cylinder. No way we’re shaking a V6 limo off here.

The Limo gets closer, not quite overtaking the Nash. It keeps a slightly further distance, when suddendly a right-hand corner approaches.

Jack: Crap, this just gets better. With their girth, they can overtake simply by nudging us! And they’re gearing up for it, too.

Hugh (looking at rearview mirror): Wait… Shit, this isn’t good.

Sly (shaking in fear): Wha… what is going on!?

Hugh: Jack, evasive maneuvers, now!

Jack: The fuck are you…?

Hugh: I said now, dammit! Turn left!

Jack: Grr…!

The Nash suddenly veers left, right into a ditch! The Mad Max Limo still hit the brakes, but not in time to stop so much mass still at their speed. It careens off the cliff, going sideways and all the way down. Jack gets out of the car in a hurry, whilst Sly very slowly tumbles out, with Hugh in tow.

Jack: Holy fuckin’ shit, what the actual fuck were they thinking!?

Sly: My god, are they…

Hugh: Yes, they almost certainly are. They were going straight in our direction, they weren’t moving to the side to overtake us. Looks like they went for an assisted Viking burial with us.

Jack: This is complete bullshit! What fuckin’ reasons did they have to take us out!? And to top it all off, the motherfuckin’ car is beached! It’s gonna take us at least 2 hours or more to get all the wheels out! And it doesn’t help that we didn’t bring a winch…

Hugh: Jack, calm down.

Jack: How the fuck can I…!?

Hugh: I said calm the fuck down, soldier!

Jack (taken aback): …wow, where did that come from? Actually, never mind, you’re right. As a guy who does extreme sports for a livin’, I shouldn’t be mad about the ditch. (sighs) Thanks, Hugh, you saved my… no, our asses.

Sly: Yeah, what he said. Thanks, Mr. Ache. I don’t think I’m ready to die for someone else’s sake.

Hugh: We die when our breath doesn’t get lighter, Sly. But I wasn’t about to let you two die on a kamikaze attack. This ain’t Pearl Harbor.

Sly: Well… Now what?

Jack: Now we get to diggin’. But unlike those crazy fucks, who dug their own grave, we’re diggin’ ourselves out of ours. La Paz won’t wait forever, so get to it.

Sly (staring at the corner, sighing): …is this what you really wanted, Valhalla? Racing glory isn’t for those who die, but those who fight. Like the Gutierrez…

To Be Continued!

The true post-stage update will come tomorrow after lunch at earliest. And yeah, what was that about? I demand several explanations, @Vri404


#200

I just… what? Who needs driveability when you have offroadability, reliability and a V8 motor! (If someone doesn’t get that reference, I’m very disappointed in humanity)