It’ll be even less uneventful when the team of rental-bashing lunatics decide to drive into you a couple times, mostly to recreate the ever-hilarious Top-Gear hilarity.
You should be glad they don’t hold grudges for that long
Range Rover much? Jk, I’ve made much more blatant Chinese-knockoff BMW’s.
ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION
This is your very rare chance to become the owner of this unique version of the Tobotar Nano Rally. The 1800 GLXi ´86, with 2647 miles on the clock. Its model number 1 of just 5 Rally-spec versions, with the turbo-tuned and torquey improved 1.8 I5 engine and the sports GLX bodykit in “overripe yellow”. The 4 speed automatic gearbox helps with driveability and also pretty good acceleration from 0 to 60. Its combines easy handling and great rallying in one and all this is for just 10,150$ fix. So don’t miss your chance! Grab your phone and call me now!
And it’s perfect for 1980 victory freeze frames! What’s not to like?
Might be the camera angles, but that is a hatchback body, correct? If so, it’d be interesting to see how it stacks up to a lifted wagon body like the Nash’s. Even if their respective engines are like dia y noche…
correct, it is a hatchback body. I hope someone is interested in buying it to see the result against the other cars.
Team WAC - Who Actually Cares
Driver - Luke ‘Disqualified Prior’ Prior
After being disqualified from driving in the UK for totally non street racing reasons the amazing driver returns with no offroad skills whatsoever…
Backup Driver / Navigator - James Ferguesson
Nothing really special about him - other than his addiction to buying rather shitty cars
Mechanic - George Steel
After being discharged from the REME for his tenancies to oversleep in the worst of times he ended up meeting Luke in the pub who hired him for his amazing vehicle knowhow.
The Wife - Jessica Prior
After promises of an exotic honeymoon Luke decided to bring his wife along, she is a chef and will be preparing food for the team.
Somewhere in Central Oxford
Luke is browsing the Amazonian classifieds when he receives an email from one of his old racing sponsors. He opens the email that informs him of a Brazilian Drug Lord trying to sell his personal offroad vehicle specially modified for driving to his drug farms deep in the rainforest. Luke opens the attached images to take a closer look at the vehicle.
At this moment George enters the room. He reads the technical specs of the car and in amazement says “A 6 cylinder, fuel injected '81 Limo with kifted suspension and 4 wheel drive - I’d buy it mate, plus those old LLA engines are bulletproof - Not that i’ve actually shot bullets at one” Luke turns around in his chair, his face lighting up. with his excitement he utters “Well at $11,428 it seems a bargain” At this point Luke’s soon to be at the time Wife walks in, she is sat looking at the screen when Luke flips to a shot of the interior. Gasping Luke rushes her away - giving George the look to buy the car
To Be Continued
Alright, there’s the other limo. Drugs versus fuel starvation; which sin provides the best luxury limo off-roading capability…?
Alright, thanks for clarifying, much appreciated.
I have a soft spot for family runabouts that can tackle rough terrains much better than most of today’s gaudy faux-SUVs. So heck, even I’d buy it. But, you know, lifted wagon. As someone who built the Nash as an AMC Eagle expy, I must uphold that honor…
june 27th; 10:38 in the morning
at Tonsom´s house
While clicking through various web-pages in search for a car, he stumbles upon this.
Tonsom: “Well… it has four doors… it seems to have good power and an automatic…”
A short pause…
Tonsom: [shouting] “CONNOR! We´re leaving! I´ve got a car for us!”
Connor: [calm] “Coming, Captain.”
Tonsom grabs the phone and calls the number on the advert.
beeep… beeep… beeep…
Other end: “Hello?”
Tonsom: “Yeah… i saw your advert on the car…”
Other end: “Ohh… the Tobotar Nano, the greatest Rally car to get me as the driver.”
Tonsom: “Yeah whatever… is there a way to test-drive that thing?”
Other end: “Well… if you want to make sure on getting this beast of mine? Yeah…”
Tonsom: “Well… where to meet?”
Other end: [names a barely understandable location]
Tonsom: [confused; to Connor] “You know where that is?”
Other end: “who are you talking to??”
Tonsom: “Alright… we´ll see you there.”
Other end: “you won´t regret it”
june 30th; 8:21 in the evening
some back street nobody really knows
The test drive is done without much talking between characters.
After that, Tonsom grabs a bundle of bills and hands it over to the seller.
Tonsom: “Here ya go. Exactly 10,150$. Gotta get a beer to celebrate the sale…”
The seller: “You´ll have great fun in this!”
the three head of on their newly aquired vehicle wilt the seller leaves on foot…
I Guess only time will tell. But to make the car cheaper and to simulate a ruined interior I set the seats to -7 quality
Ah, someone used the back seat as a replacement for the old casting couch, then. That’ll smell great in the hot jungle.
Wow, whoever Mr. Lord Of The Drugs was, he certainly didn’t host normal limo parties. What was he doing back there, Rio’s Carnival parade!?
Also, Tonsom’s racing, huh…? (rubs hands together) Oh how good will this revenge taste if the Nash beats him to the punch. This will be for the Gimny, accursed man!
You don’t want to know what sort of terrible terrible things happened back there. A small chunk of the budget may have to go towards some deep cleaning or air fresheners…
There may be a little blood from loss of body parts, some a little more horrifying than others…
This is what you get for buying a car from a guy named “Two-bit Tony”…
our primary goal is getting there
if you get there earlier. gg
if not… still… gg
TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
MARIE: I can’t believe Janne and his stupid ideas, going to Bolivia to do something even more meaningless than the Meatball run.
ANDREAS: At least his Bolivian friend seems to have as much junk in his backyard as Janne has himself…
MARIE: And the only thing that is worse than sending Janne to shop a car, is to send him car shopping in Bolivia. He will probably end up with a Sofa or something…
ANDREAS: OH NO, LOOK AT THE BARBIEMOBILE HE IS ARRIVING IN!
JANNE: So, how do you like our new friend for the days to come then?
ANDREAS: THIS IS A GIRLIE CAR! I REFUSE TO DRIVE IT!
MARIE: GIRLIE? I REFUSE TO DRIVE IT TOO!
ANDREAS: To be honest, Marie, nobody knows which kind or how many chromosomes you have.
JANNE: Did I tell you this one has the bolivian market trident V6?
ANDREAS: YEAH, EVEN WORSE THAN THE SWEDISH ONE I GUESS???
JANNE: It depends. It has horribly low compression to cope with crappy fuel. And for the same reason, it has…FORGED PISTONS! You know what that means?
ANDREAS: Hmmmm, turbocharging?
JANNE: Exactly. And the stock 2.4 litre unit is already replaced with a 2.7 litre. I would guess 200 reliable horsepowers is a piece of cake even with low grade fuel.
ANDREAS: So, anything more that’s fun then?
JANNE: Yes. It has a 6 speed manual out of a 90s Celestia instead of the 5 speed. So it’s kind of a sleeper underneath.
MARIE: It looks like shit.
JANNE: We will fix that, don’t worry…
**JANNE:**Yeah, that’s it. It should not need extreme offroad performance for the terrain to come, so I just put on some mild offroad tyres on steelies that are both cheaper and tougher than alloys, and raised the suspension with distances under the springs, also it now has a locker from a Terrex, something the Rexetta always was missing… Roof rack, bull bar and offroad lamps all were behind the garage and Marie did a good job with the desert drab paintjob. What could go wrong now?
Considering that we’re talking about the Hillbilly Rollers, everything. But that’s a completely different story.
Team Lights and Sounds
Meet Ryan and Juliet. They run a workshop somewhere in New York, building race cars. They imported this 1995 Keika Kaiken to take to a race through a jungle. They don’t have a massive amount of resources. What they did have is a lot of foglights and a lot of metal bars…
Small hot hatch designed to never go off tarmac? Check.
Car upgraded cheaply, lacking power while also not being all that great handling? Check.
Car from a company with a history of just barely meeting safety regulations? Check.
This can go so well…
Can you tell I had no ideas for rp for this?
3/10 needs more lights. good shitpost as always
Camión De La Basura Racing
Aaron Gonzales: 34. History and English teacher. Greenhorn Motorist.
Things he is known for: Reckless driving and complete ignorance of traffic rules.
Things he is not known for: Safe driving. Patience
Dario Carlos: 38. Geologist. Amateur mechanic.
Things he is known for: Smokes a lot. Can repair things.
Things he is not known for: Urgency.
Darios beaten up TBA Arion, from back when he was working as a cab driver. Does not sound very much capable of an cross country offroad rally?
Well, some precautions and modifications have been made to the old girl: The original rear axle was replaced by a live axle taken from a truck, also a rear locking differential was fitted to make her tackle some of Bolivias trails (probably not all though…). New and lifted suspension was fitted with wide, chunky offroad tires. Stripped interior for lots of spare parts and other stuff.
The Arion might not be the most reliable car in the field, with almost 190.000 miles on the clock and 46 years on its back, but its age makes it a simpler and easier to fix car with no electronics except for the radio and the ignition. Dario does know how to work on the car since it has been his daily workhorse for almost 15 years.
It’s so funny when you know spanish, and you get the joke