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[UE4] The Great Automation Run 2: Bolivian Affair, Chapter 5 and final results!


#121

Team Two Idiots

John and Scott Jordan are two brothers who are… well… idiots… John being 18 and Scott being 23. They currently reside in Las Vegas.

John heard about GAR2 as soon as he could find out, and he needed that 3 million dollar reward… without telling Scott because he wanted this to be a surprise, he immediately went on Craigslist for a tough, durable pickup… he found the Cavalry DirtRider (not even in any company lore but mk). He immediately contacted the seller, unlucky for John, the seller lived in Seattle, but their parents lived in Seattle, so he had an excuse to go to Seattle. John closed his cheap ass laptop, went into Scott’s room, in their little dinky house, “Yo Scott… I got to go to Seattle and visit our parents… want to come with me?” Scott swiftly replied “Sure, why not.”

After a full day of driving later, and a good night’s sleep, while Scott has breakfast with his parents, John goes out for some “errands”.

He quickly drove to the seller in Scott’s 2003 Crown Vic. When he arrives… he sees the DirtRider in the driveway. He walks up to the house, rings the door bell and supposedly the man selling the truck opens the door and greets John. The man says “How are you today? I assume you are here for the car?” John nods his head and the man walks John to the truck. “This is an old 85’ DirtRider, it’s a pretty reliable 5.5L V8, I got bumper bars on this, and it has ran fine with regular maintenance since I bought it new.” John asked “How much does this cost?” The man replies “Oh it’ll be 10k to take it off me.” The transaction goes through… John abandons the Crown Vic in the neighborhood. John drives back to his parent’s house and his mom and dad ask where he bought while Scott, is standing in awe at the truck. Scott asks “Why did you… WAIT WHERE IS MY CROWN VIC?!” John explains to Scott “I found out about some off-road race in South America, and if we win, we could win… 3… million dollars.” Scott says “You are joking right?” “No, it’s true…” Scott says “How can we win in this thing, it isn’t even off-road ready, the tires on it are nearly bald…” John says “We can do a bit of a ‘tune up’ with this… it will dominate the competition.” John orders 5K worth the mods.

A few days of waiting for car mods and putting them on later

“It… is done…” says John

Scott says “Now THIS can win a race…” John says “Ok, I will drive the car on some local trails and let’s see how it goes…”

A few hours later

“This thing drives amazing…” says John. Scott says “This is the most uncomfortable thing ever.”
John shouts at Scott “WHO CARES ABOUT COMFORT, WHEN YOU CAN WIN.”
The truck off-roads quite well after changing the suspension for a more off-road ready one, putting on off-road tires and a few other modifications to the engine, as it produces 272 HP and 332 ft-lbs of torque, a decent improvement to it’s regular figures. John parks it in their parent’s driveway and gazes at the off-road ready pickup…

To Be continued


#122

Operation BIRD; Prologue II

August 25th 2018; 20:27; evening

Redwood managed to get the car ashore before the others arrive. He had to take a seperate boat about half an hour earlier in order to do it.
Tonsom and Connor arrive on a tiny boat, driven by a local resident. They get off the boat and he drives off.

Connor walks around their new car in confusion, the others smiling as their “joke” apparently worked.
Connor: “This is not the car we bought.”
Tonsom: [sarcastic] “No shit Sherlock!”
The two start loughing out loud as he curiously inspects the car

Connor: “Anhultz Mimas 80 Sleeppakket. Built in October 1978 according to USDM regulations at the time. Equipped with the standard 1598cc four-cylinder single turbocharged engine and the short-spaced five-speed manual as part of the Sleeppakket package. The roof lining was optional at 75$ and serves as a basic roof-rack. Modifications include an aftermarked differential, likely of manual locker type. Offroad tread steel wheels, a crudely-made skidtray and a ride height 25mm higher than original. Not to mention the auxiliary lighting.”

Redwood: [obviously impressed] “He´s right… All of it…”
Tonsom: [annoyed] “Yeah, i get it… you know what we have… Whatcha think?”

Connor: “I am confident that it will bring us to our destination reliably.”
Tonsom: “At least something… The car we had managed to yield like 1300$… So we have like 10 grand left for our glorious failure…”
Redwood: "Pessimist! We´re gonna make it! May not be fast, but we´ll make it!

August 25th 2018; 20:31; evening

The team finds their crate full of supplies. It is marked with the team name. They open it and have a vague look inside.

Without much questioning of what is in there, they store it on the rear bench. After that, they have a look around:

Tonsom: “Well… Some wannabe funny guys in a rental… some other wannabe jokers in another road car…
a stretch limo?.. ANOTHER ONE???” Then… wait…"
Redwood: “Those are the Hillibilly Rollers! They were in Meatball already!”
Tonsom: “To sum up… some teams are dumbasses in what essentially are road cars, us included, two teams with fucking limos, and the rest have actual offroaders for their cars… What could possibly go wrong?”
Redwood: “Ten cars at the bottom of the death road.”
Tonsom: “Thin ice…”

to be continued


#123

TEAM BALTAZNOPRESK - ZAR 3316B Spec. “CAMEL”



AKA When you have to some “pain in the ass” employee that you legally cannot fire, you can always embark them into a vacation. Right?

THE CAR

The famous ZAR 2616 with a Bush V6 swap, is a cooperation between Znopresk and Baltazar.
Called “the Camel” for the double spare tires on the top and for the suspension movement in strange situations.



A couple of small computer controlled satellite dishes on the flatbed complete the special trim version.


#124

Team ‘Southend Or Bust’

Prologue - Touchdown in Riberalta

Original Post


“Stop making Spanish jokes” said Seb for what must have been the 50th time. James had been poking fun on their near 24 hour long journey from Heathrow to the tiny Riberalta airport, which was more of a landing strip than anything else.

Martin was knackered after no less than 3 connections, including one 6 hour stop over in Trinidad (the Bolivian one, not the Caribbean one). The planes had gradually got less and less comfortable, typically, and had left him tired, confused, hungry but also possibly not hungry. He couldn’t tell.

All they needed now was to find their backpacks at the terminal.

“Right, the river is over this way” announced Seb, having scanned the many signs, all of which were of course in Spanish. A Spanish guy with a geography degree made him the perfect navigator, though he’d already proven that in the boys’ previous escapades.

The boys wandered down the street. “God this is pure gap year territory isn’t it” said James looking round and noting the ruralness of the place, totally untouched by any kind of tourism.

He whipped out a pair of Prada Sport Linea Rossas. Jet lag meant the boys had no idea what time it was, but it was sunny, and for James, that meant wearing sunglasses.

Martin looked him up and down, noting the beige ex-military shirt, chino shorts and designer walking boots. “I think that’s ‘gap yaah’ to you mate” he said. Of course they’re designer walking boots he thought to himself.

James chuckled. “Gap yaah indeed” he said, in his very best ‘I’m from Surrey and I’m going to Bali on daddy’s money to find myself’ accent. “Gimme a sec, lemme just get my vintage Walkman and put on my Doors compliation tape so I can write about my ‘travel aesthetic’ on my Tumblr blog”.

At least he’s embracing the joke Martin thought to himself.

The boys soon reached the water, where there was a small quay. There, along side a number of other barges with various cars, was their grey Estate Roamer.

“God I hope you haven’t fucked this up James” said Seb. He may well be coming across harsh, but really, he was looking forward to this, not least because they were in one of the most amazing parts of the world.

“Trust me mate, it’s going to be fine. We’ve made it through everything else we’ve been stupid enough to do, right?” said James, his usual smug smirk appearing on his face.

“Mmmm” muttered Seb. “I just kid, just kid. It’s going to be fun”.

“I see your English slang is improving” said Martin “but leave out the just next time”.

“Hey, we’re in a Spanish speaking country. I’ll be the judge of language this time” said Seb affirmatively. Martin and James shared a joking glance.

Thankfully, the Estate Roamer started up, having had a fresh battery put in shortly before leaving. At least for now, it was behaving itself. But the formalities were over, now came the drive to the start point, and the beginning of one hell of a race.


#125

Team Bozo-Cross

“Uhh, guys, have I ever told you I’m REALLY sea sick?” muttered Adam as the boat left harbor for it’s destination to the beach landing site. A sigh was heard from Dave followed by “Just please do it in the ocean.”

Since they had free time, the Bozos thought they would chat a bit and discuss the challenge. “So what are these condoms for anyway? I only see you guys as FRIENDS after all.” muttered Adam. Dave, with a puzzled look, asked Adam; “Did you WATCH the Bottom Gear episode?” Nate, as usual, blurted “I DID, IT WAS HILARIOUS!” followed by 10 seconds of silence and Adam finally responding “Erm, no? Should I?” Another sigh from Dave and a look of shame from Adam.

Nate has an odd habit of reading a LOT. For someone who seems not the brightest, he sure loves reading. The books for the trip were War and Peace, followed by The Count of Monte Cristo and Les Misérables. Based on the suspicious amount of giggling and page-turning, it has been quietly assumed that Nate mostly spent the time “reading” older words he thought funny. Usually “gay” and “hashish” among others (Though of course he does not know the meaning of either).

Dave was a chain-smoker and was carrying an exorbitant amount of packs, Nate has always assumed that it came from him growing up in the more impoverished area of Chicago.

As for Adam, he would usually play a phone game (That he was not very good at) or think about the car and how to take care of it.

Speaking of the car, it had been beat up a few times already as a result of letting Nate “borrow” it for a bit while waiting for the boat to arrive to the port. But it was minor body panel damage, to which Adam of course worried greatly about, but was just cosmetic at worst.

Since the car was not the fastest on the highway, (And because Adam could not stand the ride on faster roads for more than a couple hours) it did take them a bit longer than the others. But Dave knew that the off-roading capability, followed by it being so easy to drive and safe, meant that he truly thinks that the car will excel where others wouldn’t.

Finally, the boat arrived and the 3 bozos got onto shore, with Nate giggling at the “Antisceptic” bottle.

Edit:
“GOD DAMMIT NATE!”


#126

Team Bakewell Bălțata


Prelude

Somewhere in a garage in Derbyshire late at night the quiet sounds of tinkering were disturbed by the sound of paper sliding on contrete under a metal door and the the sound of tyre squeal as a car left the car park outside the garage.

Kyle Carter who’s shaggy blonde hair had now gone was alone in the workshop catching up on some late work, got out from under the bonnet of a Maesima Exestis that was undergoing major engine and suspension upgrades and walked over to the envelope that was in the middle of the floor by a frontendless Keika Kaiken and opened the letter addressed to Kyle and Francesca Carter.

DEAR PREVIOUS PARTICIPANTS,

AS PREVIOUS RACERS IN OUR COMPETITION WE CONGRATULATE YOU ON YOUR PREVIOUS EFFORTS AND INVITE YOU TO PARTAKE IN THE SECOND GAR EVENT, THIS TIME YOU ARE GOING TO BOLIVIA FOLLOWING THE PATH THAT BOTTOM GEAR TOOK IN 2009 IN THEIR BOLIVIA SPECIAL.

SPEND NO MORE THAN £18,000 ON YOUR VEHICLE AND YOU’RE IN,WE ADVISE TO KEEP SOME FUNDS AS SPARE TO PAY FOR OTHER POSSIBLE EXPENSES, REGULATIONS ARE ENCLOSED IN THE OTHER LETTER WITHIN THIS ENVELOPE AS WELL AS A MAP OF THE ROUTE.

OFCOURSE WE AREN’T GOING TO SEND YOU THROUGH THE JUNGLE WITHOUT AN INCENTIVE, AS BEFITS THE THEME OF GAR A LARGE PRIZE IS UP FOR GRABS 3 MILLION POUNDS TO BE EXACT BUT ONLY IF YOU WIN.

WE HOPE TO SEE YOU IN BOLIVIA READY FOR ANOTHER RACE.

Also please note that this is an illegal race and due to the route we ask racers to note that there may be a possibility of death, if you do no wish to participate burn all contents of this letter immediately.

Kyle headed quickly into the office where Francesca sat filing through mountains of invoices still looking young for her age with the only mark being her slightly greying hair. After quite a lengthy discussion and a phone call to Mandy the conclusion came to a sensible ‘no’ the risk of death and the feasibility of taking time away from the business was the end of it despite their daughters plea.

In typical coincidental fashion the youngest of the two Carter siblings Johnny walked into the office to collect the keys to Mandy’s Quasar in preparation for his usual nighttime burn up on the country roads and glanced and then stared straight at the bold print of the letter. Francesca and Kyle both shot knowing glances at eachother in preparation.

“I’ll go I don’t care if you ain’t i’ll go” blurted Johnny frantically his mind was set and there was no hope of either of his parents changing his mind.

“I’ve worked on cars before and I’m not doing anything at school at the moment and I’ve always wanted to do a big race pleaaaase” begged Johnny flapping his arms in emphasis.

The conclusion came [after a few arguments] that Kyle would aid in the sourcing of specific parts and that the shop would help build the car with Johnny in a couple of their spare hours but it was on Johnny and whoever he brings with him to find the vehicle and manage the finances.


Part 2 Coming Soon


#127

Team Two Idiot’s car drive their car onto the shore…
Scott immediately shouts at John “Turn up the air conditioning! I am sweating in here!” John shakes his head “It is maxed out right now, you idiot…” As they continue arguing, they receive their crate. John opens it up, listening to Scott’s typical bullshit… he takes out the condoms first. “Hmm, perhaps we can cover our dicks with them so I don’t get necrosis of the penis. I swear all insects are out to get us.” John then takes out the band aids. “Not gonna save us, but might as well keep them, maybe we can use them to patch up our truck.” He takes out the chainsaw and machete. “Used to cut shit up to make our own trail through this jungle.” He takes out the Viagra. “Probably no use for these…” He finally takes out the anti-septic… “Could use to clean Scott’s wounds that are inflicted by me because he is a huge fucking idiot.” He takes all of the items and stuffs them behind the truck seats.

“We sure can use all of this stuff, besides the Viagra, I mean why would we have it.” Scott said. John says “No clue what the Viagra is for… maybe we need it sometime… no fucking clue. Let’s check out some of the other opponents.” Scott nods and the duo exits their off-road ready truck and check out some other vehicles…

A few minutes later…

“Did you see that fucking rental car that got off-roadified? And a few other cars that look extremely ridiculous? Then there were those rally lookin’ things… then trucks and SUVs…” John said. Scott says “Other trucks? Like they are as durable as us…” John replies with “Uhh… we have some competition.”

John is getting very annoyed with Scott as he keeps blasting the music on his mix-tape. John brought some laxatives with him, he opens a can of beer and dumps a bit into it while Scott isn’t looking and sneaks the laxatives away. “Want a can Scott?” “Sure.”

To be continued…


#128

Team GGEz


Many days ago, in a cozy living room…

“Three mil for a race?” Miles asked quizzically, taking a sip of his coffee right after.

“Yah, that’s right.” Sam replied.

“Sounds big, or fake, if I’m honest.”

“Ain’t fake, trust me. Something similar was hosted 20ish years ago, though this one, this one’s a little different. Not your typical point to point.” Sam smiled, knowing the bit of ambiguity would get his soon-to-be brother in law’s interest up. Up further than the prize pool.

“And? Spit it out man.”

“For starters man, let’s just say ya gon lose if you bring in ya typical ride out there. High power and sports cars ain’t gon do shit out on this one.” Sam started.

“Hm? So what is this, boats, offroaders?” Miles raised an eyebrow.

“Latter. And it ain’t exactly glamorous either, race is down in South America. Ya know the Amazon? Its gonna be in there.”

“For three mil though? I’d fuckin race to the north pole for that. Some little forrest isn’t a problem.” Miles smirked confidently.

“Don’t think the Amazon is considered ‘little’ by any means Miles.” Julie entered the room, having heard the details prior. “And anyways, are you sure these rules are correct? Can’t use a car past 2000, 18 ks budget?”

“Yah Jules, that’s right. And eh, I trust my source. Never let me down for years.” Sam answered.

Julie sighed. “I’m still not sure about this Sam…” She glanced at Miles, and knew the look on his face. “But I know you two aren’t going to back out. And knowing you two I’ll need to come along…”

Miles gave a dumb grin. “Heh, no way in hell am I missing out on a chance for that big a prize. Split it between us three, still hell of a pot.”

“Plus, we all coulda use this as a vacation.” Sam added. “Been a while since we went on a big adventure, won’t ya say.”

Julie nodded, and after a bit of silence from the three, asked the important question:

“So, what we driving?”

Sam smiled. “I got something in mind.”


A few less many days ago, in front of a garage…

“Alright man, let’s see the car.” Miles rubbed his hands together in excitement.

“Imma just say before the reveal, this wasn’t the first choice on my list. But I’m preetty good bout this choice.” Sam stated, as he started to open up the garage door.

“As long as its actually suitable for this…” Julie muttered.

“Don’t worry Jules, when has your big bro let you down before?” Sam laughed.

“Too many times to count.”

“Oof.” Sam finished opening the garage door, revealing a car currently covered. Removing the cover as well, revealed the vehicle they would be using. The vehicle in question was a lifted, bronze-gold wagon. Styling wise, it was definitely a product of the 80s, being essentially brick shaped and its heavy use of black plastic trim. Some noticeable modifications were already made, that being the lamps mounted on the roof and bumper.

“‘89 Marax Turbo, what ya’ll think?” Sam asked.

“Man, I thought you were going to buy a truck or SUV or something, not a pissbrick.” Miles said half jokingly.

“Agreed… is a lifted wagon really what we’re using?” Julie added.

“Listen, listen, its not all going to be offroadin’ and trekkin’ through rivers. This thing’s a multi tool, it can do everything a SUV can do and more. Plus, its roomy but not huge. And if ya done research like I have, ya would know a fatass truck is gonna be rough through parts of this race.” Sam explained his decision.

“Man, if you say so. Still not the worst you could have went with.” Miles popped open the hood, taking a look at the turbo inline 6 that laid within. “How many horses does this thing make?”

“Bout 230. More important is these things torque though, and we all know here: torque wins races. And this things got peak torque through for 2 ks revs. Tops 120 too, if we need to gun it down the highways later on.”

“How much was this thing anyways?” Julie asked.

“Round 12 ks.”

“Hm, we have a few thousand amount for supplies then, hopefully its enough… I see you did your work on the interior.” Julie noted the rather stripped out interior. “No A/C? Ain’t it going to be hot?”

“Its always hot with you around.” Miles winked at Julie, who giggled.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Didn’t work anyways, just wear less when its hot Jules. Less weight is better and we don’t want any extra bits breakin on us down there.”

“Did you just tell your sister to strip man?” Miles asked jokingly.

“Fuck off bro.”


Zero days ago, present day…

“Ugh… You really should have fixed the A/C instead of removing it…” Julie whined. “Its ridiculously hot here.”

“Quit ya whining, we’ll be fine.” Sam replied.

“Hey, have you guys looked at the crate we got? Got some interesting items for us here.” Miles said.

The three gather around to look inside the crate. Sam laughed upon realizing what they got.

“Didn’t think they’d just give us what was given to Bottom Gear but they did. Fuckin madmen of organizers.”

“Well, I know what we’ll be using these for…” Miles took the condoms, looking at Julie and smiled.

“Awfully nice of them to provide.” Julie smiled back.

“Ya idiots, they’re for the car.” Sam took the condoms from Miles and tossed it back in the crate.

“Man, I know you love the pissbrick and all, but you don’t need a condom to fuck a car.” Miles laughed.

Sam gave him the middle finger, and closed the crate, loading it into the back of the Marax.

“Anyways, have to say your choice isn’t too bad compared to some of what I see on this bank.” Julie noted, looking at some of their competitors odd choices in vehicles. “Two limos, a rental car…”

“Still think we should have gone with a truck or SUV man.” Miles looked over at the more capable looking trucks.

“Yah, we got some competition. Don’t worry, ya gave the car a drive earlier. We got nuthin to worry bout.” Sam said confidently.

“Drives surprisingly well to be fair man.The pissbrick might just grow on me.” Miles admitted.


#129

judging from what has been written in terms of RP up until now, operation BIRD is LAST to arrive at the start


#130

Team Lights and Sounds


Ryan’s notes - Before the race.

I grab the rollcage tightly as the car flies over another bump. Juliet is driving, and she’s on a mission to get us to the start line on time. Some last minute preparations such as buying another battery to power all the lights made us late, so we’ve gotta make up for lost time.

I glance down at my phone. “Hey Julie, we’re good for time, slow it down.” I yell over the screaming engine. Maybe removing every bit of silencing wasn’t such a good idea…

“And be the last ones there? Hell no. Hit the music!” She screams back.

Inside the car, some speakers loosely hung about. Most of them had broken free of their housings, swinging by the wire, but still worked.

I hit play, the loud violin and drums blasts out in terrible quality as my spine is assaulted over the rough dirt trails.

The journey never softens up. I kinda regret putting in the cheapo seats, but at least it keeps weight low.

Soon the trail turns into forest, until we get to a clearing. A few purpose built looking trucks are already parked up, including one with a satellite. There’s a few more normal looking cars, but nothing that worries me too much.

“Ah crap!” I hear from my right as the song fades out. Juliet is looking a bit more concerned than I am.

“What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t expect proper trucks ‘n’ stuff. Thought this would be a game of trying to get around the ‘no sports car’ rule.”

“So that’s why you were insistent on this…” It makes sense. Juliet is a bit of a speed freak. I insisted on the modifications for some off-road sensibility, but she seemed to think this would be more like Group B than Paris-Dakar. “Did you never see that Bottom Gear thing?”

“No? Should I have?”

“Three SUVs. Carving their way through the jungle.”

“Well, here we are. Got a lightweight, decently powerful, good handling car with expensive tyres and proper suspension. We’ll be fine!”

I’m not convinced, but it’s too late to fight now. There’s big bucks in this if we win, so we aren’t backing out now.


A boat pulls up to the shore a bit later. Some surprisingly shabby looking thing, considering the prize. On it is a big stack of crates, and two guys wearing helmets to bring it in. Weird, but whatever. They put a small ramp to the boat, then bring the crates down to the cars one by one.

Juliet opens the trunk as I attempt to lift the crate. It doesn’t budge.

“C’mon! Use your muscles!” She laughs as she comes over to help. With her on one end we get it into the trunk, then open it.

“We have a chainsaw and machete. Those aren’t going near you,” I begin.

She laughs. “We’ll strap them to the front bumper! That’ll clear the way!” I grin back. That’s not the most insane thing she’s suggested.

I delve deeper into the crate. “Bandaids and antiseptic. That’s… concerning if they think we’ll need that.”

“Reeeeelax! We’ll be fine!” Juliet replies, with a confident smile now.

I pull out the last things in there. “A pack of condoms and viagra…” I give her a suggestive look.

“Fuck no are we doing it in the jungle. Or ever, thinking about it…” she says decisively.

I laugh and dig around inside for anything else. The crate seemed a lot deeper on the outside, and seems heavier than it should be when it’s empty, like there’s something in the bottom of it. Whatever it is, I’m not gonna question it. Juliet loads the tools back in while I get to the driver’s seat.

She gets in the passenger side and starts taping down the speakers on the dashboard. “Good thing we got all this Flex Tape right? Also means we can repair the car’s cosmetics on the fly.”

I nod. Smart move to at least have some tape. I guess if we’re desperate they could work as bandages too…


#131

Ladies and gentlemen I present you with one of the stupidiest ideas around: a tiny super compact hatchback-minivan thingy, offroad prep!

The Modesty Machine (1989) by Team "The Merry Men (no homo)"

More pics


Backstory:

Stuart woke up before dawn to open his family’s business for the day. “Joe’s Garage”, named after his father. In this small rural town people started their day early. Well, at least most of them. Jeff and Keith, Stu’s friends and coworkers, were notably missing this morning. Stu sighed and hoped that they had just overslept a bit and that they weren’t up to something stupid.

Hoping did not do much though, as Keith stormed into the shop 10 minutes later, enthusiastic about some new idea he had just gotten. “Yo, Stu, I have an awesome idea!”. Stu had heard this phrase countless times, as the three had been friends since childhood and Keith hadn’t changed one bit. “Oh man, I can’t wait 'til Jeff gets here to tell you guys about it”

Jeff walked into the shop, still sleepy “tell us what?”. Stu was trying to hide his frustration, but it seemed like the three were about to embark in another one of their “adventures”: Keith would come up with something stupid, Jeff would support him, and he would oppose it, but then change his mind and go with his friends anyways

Keith started “So, remember last time when we spoke about preparing a car for Rally n’ stuff, but Stu said that it’s complicated to get all the paper n’ stuff and all the money for the car’s stuff? Well, I found the solution! Take a look at this! The Great Automation Run 2! Danger! Death Road! Badassery!”

Jeff commented “Cool, man! And it doesn’t have many requirements! Woah, I bet we could even use the shop’s truck for that!”

Both looked to Stu, expecting him to start telling them why it was a terrible idea. But Stu was baffled by the scale of the stupidity they had achieved this one time. And it was 6am and he was too tired to argue back much. He sighed deeply and said. “Look man, I know I’m always telling you both to stop getting in crazy plans that can get you killed… but if you are so thrilled about the “death” aspect of this incredibly dangerous race I don’t even know where to begin to explain how bad this idea is… and in the end I always end up doing whatever you guys do”

A even larger smile drew in Keith’s face “oh man, this is gonna be great! We can…”

Stu interrupted loudly: “BUT! There is no way in hell you are using my truck. And NO WAY I’m going to let you idiots kill yourself in a ravine in the middle of nowhere. This time I will get on board of your stupid project without complaining much, but only if you listen to me and don’t build a death trap”

“Gee man, of course you can be the leader. You’re the smartest guy I know. Actually, I already applied our team and put you as leader”

“YOU DID WHAT?!”

“But now we need a car cos’ it’d be a shame to waste that spot I already got us in the race, y’know?”

“But why didn’t you ask first!? And where the hell do you hope to get a car for this? I wasn’t going to let you use my truck”

Jeff had remained silent all this time and suddenly had an idea: “Oh, guys! I know! I can borrow my Aunt’s ride. She told me I could use it”

“YOUR AUNT’S CAR? She will be wanting back in one piece, Jeff! We can’t us…”

Keith interrumpted “Gee Stu man, don’t be such a party pooper dude. You said you weren’t gonna complain’ and we’re gonna do it your way”

“Hmmmph” Stu took a deep breath. “Fine. Whatever. Not my aunt after all”

“Cool! Gonna be back with the ride guys so we can start working on it today”

Keith was excited again “Oh great man, I’m gonna get some stuff I left at my place, be right back guys”

Stu was again alone in the shop. He waited for a few moments and then let out a long sigh

 
 

“Jeff”

“Yeah?”

“Is this a fucking compact minivan?”

“Well, looks like it, yeah”

“Do you expect us to race in a dangerous deadly rally in this!?”

“Well, I’m not the one who doesn’t want to use his truck”

Stu was about to say something but Keith interrupted him running into the shop loudly

“HEY GUYS CHECK OUT THIS BABY!”

Keith took the others outside to show them what he had just brought in

“Woah nice little V6” said Jeff

Stu felt the need to ask: “Where did you get this thing?”

“Shhh trade secret man! I don’t tell how I did my magic”

“Great. So shady craigslist transaction, likely stolen. Just great”

“Woah man don’t be such a party pooper. I already got it, we might at least use it”

“Hmmmph” Stu took a very, very long deep breath, and tried to muster a smile.

“Fine. We will use your shady as fuck engine and the minicrap. But we will need to do a lot for this to work. We’re going to change almost everything. We are going to have to reinforce this or else we’ll die smashed against the bottom of a cliff, we are going to install a rollcage, change the suspensions and wheels completely, change the drivetrain too, make it AWD or 4x4 or else we won’t be getting anywhere”

“I know you guys want the thrill and danger and all that, but there is no way I’m letting us die in the middle of nowhere. I want us to finish the race alive, that is number one priority. You said you were going to do things like I said. Right?”

Jeff and Keith nodded

Stu started writing what he was planning to do on a whiteboard

“Good. Even finishing a stage is already difficult but we will take care of that. And there is no point in making this thing run much if it won’t be controllable or it won’t endure hundreds of kilometers of beating. So that is also a priority.”

“Yeah”

“And some stages it can be a while before we get to refuel. This thing can’t just guzzle fuel like crazy, specially if we get stuck in an obstacle and we have to try again”

“Uh-huh”

“So guys. I don’t think this thing will run much. We will make sure it can get us alive to the endwithout being stranded in the middle of the desert first. And then if we can improve some more, we can make it run a bit. So, here’s what we’re going to do. Time to get to work!”

 
 

After hours of the three friends rebuilding the car from scratch and Keith pasting stickers all over it… it was ready

Stu said “I have to admit… in the end it doesn’t look TOO bad” “We need to complete the aplication form. What should we call this thing?”

Jeff had an idea: “Oh, I know! I checked the other cars in the race and it was full of people with all terrain and big trucks and stuff. Pure showoff. Instead we got this small van thing. I think we should call it The Modesty Machine”

“It’s an incredibly stupid name, but the car is incredibly stupid too so… it fits. And I can’t think of other name.” said Stu. “Now, we need a name for our team”

“Oh, I already took care of that” said Keith. "When I applied us for this I had to write a name in the form so I went with The Merry Men like Robin Hood n’ stuff. I thought it was cool.

“Uh… man” said Jeff. “I don’t want to alarm you but three dudes in a car and that name? I don’t know, it sounds kinda gay”

“Aww shit man. Crap. I wrote it in pen, I can’t change it now”

“I got this” said Stu.

And thus the “The Merry Men (no homo)” team was born


#132

Team Two Idiots

“Holy shit, we got rallyer lookin’ thingys, and… a fucking limo… and a rental car… at least they won’t last long.” said Scott. John says “Likely they get stuck somewhere, our truck will dominate the competition. Only problem, is this V8 is loud as fuck, my ears are constantly bleeding, should not have removed the mufflers. But who cares, the entire truck handles off-road very well.” Scott replies “But you bought it used…” “Who gives a shit, these engines are quite reliable.” says John

“What if we crash?” asks Scott. “We won’t… I studied the entire death road… we can do this… except the fact that this truck averages 7 miles to the gallon…” says John. “Holy shit that is bad… but we are probably the most off-road ready, look at some of these cars… they would die on the death road… especially that rental.” says Scott

John takes out Scott’s shitty mix-tape, and puts in a classic rock mix… and puts it on full volume, feeling racing ready while listening to this music.

To be continued…


#133

@ElMenduko, you don’t need to upload the *. car, send it to the host by message. :smiley:

EDIT: Apologies, didn’t realise you knew.


#134

It could be argued that Mr. Computah’s team is the last arrival, in a “surprise it’s the organizers!” sort of way. Unless his team’s lore is actually different and not related to said organizers.

But I’d still bank on that being the last team to arrive, either way…


#135

@stm316 I already did. I can’t upload the .car here because I just created the forum account


#136

Day 0 / Team JuiceHouse


[A box drops on the hood]
“Jo Boy whats that dude?!” Kyle ask as he blows a big smoke.
“Don’t know fam. But its free shit dude.” Jim answers.
“Bro open it up”
[Jim opens the crate]
“DUDE there is so much shit in here boyoyoyo”
“Oh?!”
“THEY GIVE US A FREE CHAINSAW”
“DUDE THATS LIT.Fire her up!”
[With a big roar the chainsaw start]
“Cooooool” both of them say in amazement.
“What else! WHAT ELSE” Kyle wobbels.
“There is also a machete in here!”
“GIB”
[Kyle grabs it and jumps down the car]
“DUDE do i look like Rambo?”
[He is slashing the air]
“Boooy test how sharp it is”
[Kyle looks around and locks his eyes with a tree]
“YEEEET”
[With a loud thunk the blade cuts into the tree]
“DUDE look how far it went in” Jim says.
“Thats what she said”
“Boy”
“SKREET”
“Shut up and put the knife pack into the crate fam”
[Kyle tires to remove the blade… but it doesnt move]
“uummm it doesnt move”
“Let me try you brainlet”
[Jim also tries to move the blade… with no effect]
“Welp. This seems to stay here”
(Team inventory = -1 machete)
“Maybe we can ask for new one?”
“Maybe”
[Both of them shrug at each other]
“Whats next?” Jim breaks the silence.
“Soooo we have some tissues… and a bottle of ummm”
[Kyle tries to read the label]
“Ant-ise-petic”
“A what?”
“Dunno something against Ants?”
“Maybe?”
“UHH Maybe its bugspray or so”
“Seems legit”
“What else”
“Ummmm. Oh” [Kyle stops for a sec as he lifts the Viagra and condom out the chest]
“Dude. Like. No homo you know” Jim says.
“Why do we get this?”
“For the natives?”
“But viagra?”
“Kyle” [Jim put his hand on Kyles shoulder] “Is there something you have to tell me?”
“SHUT UP”
“HAHAHAHAH. Lets see if we can get a new machete”
[Both of them go of to find a offical]


#137

Team Dirt Warriors

A pair of young car enthusiasts and rallyists who have taken on the daunting challenge of an unsanctioned off-road race through Bolivian countryside.

Driver: Geoff Wolfe
Age: 25
A semi-pro circuit and rally racer from San Diego who sees the GAR as a chance to hone his off-roading skills further - and hopefully get noticed by the big pro teams in the future.

Navigator: Stan Reed
Age: 24
Geoff’s co-driver and close friend who relishes the challenge of the GAR - especially since it’s an off-road race which suits his siklls perfectly.

Car: 1985 MUD Teton Dirt Warrior

Powered by a 5.0L V8 developing over 200 horsepower and fitted with a 4x4 system, this big, boxy truck has been dusted off for the challenge of the GAR. The Dirt Warriors expect to cancel out its thirst with raw power.

Prologue

Geoff: So, we’re off to Bolivia - but for what?
Stan: The Great Automation Run, that’s what. But we need a car for that…
Geoff: You mean a truck? I’ve got one right here - a red '85 MUD Teton Dirt Warrior. Dual live axles, 200-horsepower 5.0L V8, 4x4 with lockable diff - it should be ready for the race right from the start.
Stan: It’s thirsty, though, at just 12.5 mpg, and very big, too, but it should be fast enough to leave most rivals in the dust. Best of all, it costs just $11,700 - not much at all considering how powerful it is.
Geoff: We’ll take it anyway. We’re entering this race for fun, not for the money. Fingers crossed we go far this time.

Initial Budget: $6300


#138

Team Wonderbolts

Team Wonderbolts is comprised of two female University students in their final year of their degree. As a spot of fun, they decided To enter the Great Automation run as a sort of last hurrah.

Driver: Xsara Ryder.
Age: 21
Gender: Female.
Bio: The driver and most cool headed one of the duo. Xsara was the one to first pitch this idea to her flat mates. Most did not want to join her, however, one of them most certainly did.

Navigator: Moira Perkins
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Bio: Moira was the only flat mate to say yes to Xsara’s idea of entering the Great Automation Run 2. She has picked out the car for them to drive (coming in a later post).


Prologue: Part 1

Flat 4a, Some British University, England

Moira had met Xsara in the common area to go over their plan.
[X] “So, you found us a car yet?”
[M] “Yup, and it’s an absolute steal.”
Moira shows Xsara the ad.
[X] “Geezus wept! You are most certainly right there.”
Moira grins.
[M] “Should we buy it?”
[X] “Oh hell yes! Gimme that!”
Xsara snatches Moira’s tablet and purchases the car.
[X] “Now we just nedd a team name.”
Both sit and think for a while.
They get interrupted by their Brony flat mate sticking his head into the room.
[B] “You girls doing that GAR thing?”
[X] “You bet your ass.”
[B] “If you need a team name, you could always call yourself ‘The Wonderbolts’.”
Xsara and Moira think for a moment.
[X] “I quite like the sound of that. Thanks.”
[M] “Yeah. Thanks.”
The Brony friend smiles and disappears.
[X] “Now we definitely have everything sorted. I’m going to put our application in.”

(Continued in Part 2.)


#139

Operation BIRD; Prologue III

Redwood noticed Team JuiceHouse fooling around with their Machete. Bpth members have already left to ask for the new one. Now that it is stuck, Redwood turns over to Tonsom.

Redwood: “Erm… there are some guys over there already having lost their machete…”
Tonsom: “Now what?”
Redwood: “Well… i think we should help them…”
Tonsom: “Why is that?”
Redwood: “Well… i don´t want anyone dead at the end, really… and NOT having a machete at first does not help that…”
Tonsom: [to Connor] “Hey! Connor, get over here!”

Connor walks up to Tonsom, remaining silent

Tonsom: “You think you can get that machete out of that stump?”
Connor: [insecure] “I can try…”
Tonsom: “Then get a move on!”

like 25 seconds later; Redwood and Connor at the machete-decorated tree stump

Redwood: “Here it is…”

Connor tries to “traditionally” pull out the blade, but without success. After a bit of thinking, he has a less conventional idea.

Connor: “Tim. I need your foot as a ground anchor. Just place your foot directly behind mine.”
Redwood: “You really want to get that thing out, huh?”
Connor: [half-jokingly] “You really want them reach the goal, right?”
Redwood: “True…”

Redwood follows Connor´s instructions. Connor meanwhile positions himself below the machete handle and uses Redwood as the aforementioned anchor to build up upward force onto the handle. He puts his right shoulder up against it and manages to move the handle upwards, now sitting in the stump like a sword in a stone.

Connor: “Thank you.”
Redwood: “It´s still in there…”

Connor gets up and moves the blade back and forth (not transversely, bending it…), slowly “wiggling” it out of the stump. After finally getting it out. He walks over to the Teams Neko SX-2 and waits for them.

Connor: [to Redwood] “I will wait here for the team.”
Redwood: “If you want… i´ll accompany Tonsom until race start…”

Redwood walks off towards Tonsom next to the Anhultz Mimas.


OOC: you want your machete back? Connor is waiting for the team at your car


#140

Team Bakewell Bălțata


Prelude Part 2

Kyle hung up the phone and hopped into his MK2 Erin Tauga Tourer and headed to the warehouse, after an uneventful and drizzly drive he was met by the face of Johnny bouncing up and down with exictement, the both walked around the back of the warehouse to the Jackdaw “Realm of Purgatory” where unfinished projects from all employees lay on paletes and axle stands from Vegas and Bohnams to some old purple sedan in a state of beyond repair, amongst them lay three new victims: the front half of a 1991 Ceder Aphia 3.7, known for being them most overly complicated Ceder ever made, a 1983 Ceder Router Van 2.1 Diesel which’s original colour appeared to be white but is now convered in so much moss and algae is might as well be green and a 1991 Pajura 3027i a Romanian built version of Ceder’s Cidari, which ended production in 1983, made to appalling quality and lived on well passed it’s due until 1993.

“What do you expect to do with this lot then?” asked Kyle to Johnny without much hope looking specifically at the Aphia which he remembers as being one of the worst cars he had to work on ever.

“Well I was thinking if we take the suspension from the Router cos that’s what they did for the Dakar and put it under the Pajura and bolt the engine from the Aphia into it and fabricate something to make it work.” said Johnny.

Kyle walked over to the Pajura opening the unfitting door and smelling the unmistakable aroma of dead cow and the strongest of b.o “Fuck me Johnny who on earth did you buy this from” gasped Kyle squeezing his eyes shut.

“Some cattle farmer from Romania it was really cheap” chirped Johnny.

“It’d better be” gasped his father covering his mouth with his sleeve and slamming the door with a rattle.

Father and son walked away and discussed how they well Kyle was going to make this work plus the plethora of rust repairs to prevent the Pajura snapping in half.


Prelude Part 3

Weeks of all night work had passed since then with the wall developing and strange imprint of Kyle’s head due to the multiple troubles of the “fucking piece of shit bastard” 3 Valve V8 from the Aphia. The independent rear suspension of the 3027i was now replaced with the solid axle coil of the Router (the front put up too much of a fightt and was left independent but still upgraded), the V8 slotted in surprisingly easy due to it’s basing on the Pajura’s own 2.7 Rodier V6, it’s exhausts now came out of the bonnet and over the roof paired to a stainless steel exhaust system, blessedly the airconditioning of the Aphia was able to be fudged into the Pajura who’s interior had been ripped out to remove the stench and replaced with some old seats from a Maesima.

The old Pajura now sat adorned in every kind of protection, winches, rally lights, snorkel, spare wheels, strengthening braces, toolbox etc and thanks to it’s straight through exhaust it is now quite possibly the loudest car in the history of the world hence the nickname of the Jackhammer.


Now the Team -

Johnny Carter - 20 years old, the youngest Carter child and is still salty about Mandy’s current trip to Sweden but is now off on his own adventure with a small possibility of death. Not much of a racer but the word asbo fits him quite well as his various escapades with his dads Tauga awarded him the title.

Charlie Lawson - 20 years old, Johnny’s closest friend since school not much for hurtling about but comes frequently for white knuckle rides in Johnny’s Erin Visto.

…and with his parents well wishes and his sisters jealous phone call they both set off to the Amazon with the Jackhammer in transit, both prepared physically but not mentally for the jungle crawl in a Romanian cattle shed.