Speaking of dead challenges… did this one die too?
BIN ROUND (unplaced entries)
First of all: Apologies for taking a whole damn year to get back to this challenge. There seemed to be little interest and at the time I already had a bunch of problems to solve IRL. I figured that it would be a good time, right before the end of moroza’s similarly muscle-focused QFC, to finally post a writeup for this challenge. Also, a disclaimer: I got me a formula for calculating the gross hp of each entry’s engine, as posted below each review; the challenge judging is not affected by this, and it is purely for flavor text and public information. Now, without further ado:
INSTABINS
These are cars binned for binning an explicit rule.
@zero - zero
This car of dubious make has many appealing sides to it, between the mean yellow headlamps and one of the best-flowing engines in the competition - the difference between its as-advertised power rating and as-installed potency is just 18 hp, something Jimmy is quick to latch onto. However, he is equally quick to latch onto its seeming uncertainty of make or origin, and none of the car’s merits can overcome its total lack of safety precautions. Carol is also quick to point out the disappointingly small size of the car: With the downright subcompact wheelbase, it won’t be long until the kids grow out of the back seat.
Net HP: 296
Gross HP: 314
BINNED FOR BREAKING MINIMUM SAFETY RULE AND NAMING CONVENTION
@z2bbgr - Penence Sabre 400
The Penence Sabre, a pretty car otherwise with a great honkin’ 397ci V8, is in the same predicament. Though the Detroit spirit of cheap power would normally smile at a car designed with such minimal amenities, a deathtrap is no place to raise your child in. Adding to the Sabre’s drawbacks is its use of tiny wheels and tires - leading to the use of expensive, experimental European radial rubber and unreasonably grabby, uncomfortable brake pads to compensate for the lack of surface area.
Net HP: 322
Gross HP: 388
BINNED FOR BREAKING MINIMUM SAFETY RULE
@CriticalSet9849 - Victory Pegasus
The design language of the Pegasus is a what’s what of several popular pony cars - in a smaller package, again. The engine is a decently potent and unusually undersquare (read: stroked) small-block; and the rest of the car is both timely and very dynamically sound. It’s just a shame that Victory has failed to certify the promising subcompact for sale this year.
Net HP: 271
Gross HP: 325
BINNED FOR BREAKING NAMING CONVENTION
@Riley - Zephorus Deagle
The Zephorus Deagle goes just a step further than the Pegasus in most respects, including a novel independent rear suspension for handling and stability, but it has also faced certification problems - maybe due to emissions testing, maybe due to some sort of road test failure. Considering the highly prospective nature of subcompact muscle such as these two, this is a grave disappointment; at the same time, however, Carol breathes a sigh of relief as some of the smallest, least-roomy cars won’t be there to captivate Jimmy’s attention further.
Net HP: 285
Gross HP: 351
BINNED FOR BREAKING NAMING CONVENTION
To be honest, it feels almost sorta stupid binning these latter two - especially when score-wise, they would have otherwise been pretty close, though not within, the finals. That said, it is interesting that both of the people who couldn’t be bothered to check if they were supposed to write BB or BOB are also people who couldn’t be bothered to find out if a subcompact car with an American V8 was something that existed in the 1960s.
JUSTIFICATION BINS
These are cars binned for a very poor showing in top priority stats.
@Sandstorm - Dive 1968
Carol might be a more level head than Jimmy, but no amount of mental fortitude could prevent a visceral reaction here. The Dive 1968 is a downright unpleasant car to look at, with that weird oval grill on the square front fascia; unshapely and immature greenhouse; and what seems to be a block of solid lead coated in chrome for a rear bumper. Jimmy’s complaints, surprisingly, are more on-topic: From magazine reviews, it’s a total dynamic pig, refusing to turn due to lack of tire; to accelerate, thanks to a poor gearbox and fragile conrods and in spite of a stout 312hp gross rating; and to stop, courtesy of the same horrible tires alongside front brakes that lock up instantly. To summarize, then: This car may be somehow street-legal and equipped with adequate safety equipment, but factually it’s still unsafe at any speed.
Net HP: 274
Gross HP: 312
@Rise_Comics - Pittsburg Jackhammer FF
The menacing-looking barge that is the Jackhammer instantly catches the eyes of our couple - but it’s not to its sub-15 second quarter mile, or its 150+ mph top speed, or even its massive footprint. It catches their eyes because it costs twice what anything else here does. The car delivers little bang for the outrageous buck, though; it’s not the quickest and most powerful, being surpassed by far cheaper vehicles, and its primary selling point is the alleged inclusion of a Ferguson Formula AWD system to help with acceleration - except that it’s a simple offroader 4x4 system spliced into the passenger-car suspension, so it doesn’t. In total, the Jackhammer is an expensive, flashy-looking waste of time.
Net HP: 341
Gross HP: 396
@Hilbert - Yojido R6000
Here’s a pretty - and pretty reasonable - car, undercutting most others being considered on price, service costs and road manners. The problem with the Yojido, one of two rear-engined cars under consideration, is that this mundanity goes way too far. As in, just 115 gross horsepower-type far. Between that and the cheap hard tires, the Yojido fails to hang with this crowd in any serious capacity - despite having a gear more than most of them. There are full-fat small-block ponies available for barely a couple grand more.
Net HP: 97
Gross HP: 115
@Mausil - Pont de Lan
The funky Pont de Lan is another “overpromiser” in many areas. The rakish shape makes it relatively pretty - weird little noncompliant headlamps notwithstanding - but it also means that the car’s claims of being able to seat four are dubious at best. The engine, while large and multi-cammed, is the most choked out of all the cars Jimmy is considering - with over 27% of gross power being sapped by the auxiliaries, intake and exhaust. Beyond that, it corners and brakes poorly and has a rock-solid front suspension that threatens to rid our couple and hteir children of their skeletal integrity. For all those reasons - hard pass.
Net HP: 248
Gross HP: 317
@ArizonaCaseo - Superior Dropmore City B-2 N-Spec
Carol has spoken, at this point, against several cars for being too small for a family; The B-2 here is the opposite, sporting a full-size wheelbase alongside absurd levels of overhang resulting in a Cadillac-like overall length. It’s bad enough that this thing looks like a battering ram, it likely drives as poorly as one as well - courtesy of a super-big-block engine that manages to weigh 750lbs despite being made of aluminum, all while failing to outperform the other big blocks here. It doesn’t help matters that the gearbox is too widely-spaced to take advantage of the power; hence, Jimmy is extremely unimpressed.
Net HP: 323
Gross HP: 364
@lotto77 - Planar Zeydra F6U
Last in line of the cars our couple pass on researching further is the Planar Zeydra. While reasonably stylish and tractable, the same lack of oomph that struck the Yojido R6000 - the other boxer previously under consideration - strikes again here. Barely over 200 hp gross does not fly on this turf, and according to reviewers, the handling isn’t much better. With such a dearth of mechanical and dynamic qualities, one may as well give up, go home and buy a family car.
Net HP: 185
Gross HP: 219
11 Likes
I’m lucky I didn’t get eliminated at the first hurdle… However, I almost forgot that this challenge not only still exists, but has also just entered its first judging phase. And I’m more curious than ever to find out how well my entry will place in the end.
Thank you for picking this one back up! I was hoping it didn’t due.
Tragic to get binned for naming, def wouldnt have won with the safety issues tho. gl to the rest
Then again, it would’ve been too small anyway… As were some otherwise promising entries.
true
ROUND 2
NON-FINALISTS
These cars were functional, but not exceptional.
#B - @GassTiresandOil - Armor Streethawk
The Armor Streethawk is loud and proud with its shaker hood and handles very well thanks to a fitting set of rubber and an innovative power rack steering system. In addition, Jimmy is very pleased with the honesty of the car’s marketing: The small-block is advertised at a believable 270 horsepower, and has tubular headers and right-side intake breathing aides to ensure much of this figure actually does make it to the transmission. The couple initially plan to check the car out eventually - until Carol reads that the turquoise paint on the engine block is a health hazard, which promptly sweeps the car from consideration.
Net HP: 252
Gross HP: 270
BINNED FOR BREAKING NAMING CONVENTION
Judge’s Note: Yes, the paint thing is an excuse. This should have been in the last post, but I literally didn’t end up exporting it because it strayed from the naming convention far enough that it got filtered out when I processed all the cars. If this had not been the case, the car would have ranked eighth. I apologize for the oversight and for making the player wait.
#10 - @happyfireballman - Rhania FireBall Texan Edition
The Rhania FireBall might be the first real test of Carol and Jimmy’s mutual decision-making: Jimmy is definitely a fan of the loud design and luxurious interior this intermediate-sized performer provides, but all Carol really sees here is the price tag. The “Texan Edition” confirms the Lone Star State’s stereotype of “everything is bigger”, because it is the most expensive car in “regulation”. In the end, despite not being a bad car from basically any standpoint, it simply does not do well enough to justify this premium.
Net HP: 300
Gross HP: 324
Judge’s Note: It would be improper of me not to disclose that I had assisted HFBM in making this car initially - before doot ended up dropping the challenge.Some parts on the entry are still a bit me-spec, but most are not, and the exterior for one is HFBM’s alone.
#9 - @Machalel - Vidar Morningstar GTS-400
Between its 400ci big block and its staggered 70-series bias plies, the Morningstar ought to be a properly equipped muscle car. However, it has a very obvious Achilles’ heel: its full-size dimensions and weight, all responsible for a dampened performance profile. Even Carol doesn’t see much point in the heft, considering the excuse for a backseat this 2-door behemoth has. Jimmy frankly just doesn’t find the thing very pretty, with the stripes on the hood awkwardly transitioning into… wide grill bars or something? Overall, the Vidar deserves to stay where it is.
Net HP: 312
Gross HP: 366
#8 - @Ch_Flash - Miller Boar
Carol almost fancies the Miller Boar: While on the smaller side, it has a clever fastback shape to compensate, and the face - as with most Millers - is very well-defined. All Jimmy finds, however, is disappointment. Simply put, the Boar - with its alloy-headed cammer small-block, six-pack carb setup, and sub-2600 lbs weight - should be a fast car. But it isn’t. The tires are cheapo and can’t handle the loads, and the weird, economy-minded five-speed has ratios far too wide for good acceleration. When you pay out your nose for equipment as advanced as what the Boar has, it’s simply in terrible taste to leave this much performance on the table.
Net HP: 265
Gross HP: 292
Rhapsody is a proper name, Jimmy immediately decides. A small body, a tame design, yet an exuberant flat-plane engine - there’s some discordant tones to stitch together, without a doubt. It’s somewhat disappointing that the 281ci mill doesn’t rev any higher even though it certainly can, what with its forged internals. Handling similarly comes up somewhat short, with high-speed driving bringing the hazard of frequent tail-outs and steering being numb courtesy of a power ball system, which doesn’t have much of a place in a sub-2400 lbs car with a light-ish engine. Carol notes that despite incorporating many an acclaimed current-year safety solution, critics have not mentioned anything that good about the little car’s crashworthiness.
Net HP: 233
Gross HP: 271
#6 - @xsneakyxsimx - Ascot Grenadier 360S
With so many examples of sizing going wrong, what happens when you put a powerful small-block into a proper pony-car body with right-sized bias-belted tires? You get a wicked fast car. The Grenadier 360S is very fast and handles really well, and is one of the purest expressions of a driver’s muscle car here. There are very few arguments against the couple choosing one of these, however the complaints that do are convincing: Carol doesn’t like the manual rack (note the contrast to the Rhapsody here), Jimmy isn’t fond of the upkeep costs, and both think that the looks fall just a bit on the generic side - if not poor by any means.
Net HP: 281
Gross HP: 330
#5 - @Fantic2000 - Condor Taipan GT
To contrast, looks is what the Condor Taipan does best. The hidden headlamps that permit the full-width grille combine with the wide stripe and the hood-mounted rev gauge to create a real looker. In most other areas, the Taipan is roughly equal to the Ascot, but here’s a funny story: Its expensive and bragging rights-allowing big-block engine… Doesn’t actually make it any faster than the Grenadier. Poorly-tuned chassis, less hooky radial tires and a wider-ratio gearbox are all to blame. All that dents the Condor’s credibility to the extent that if the Ascot has to miss the final cut, so does the Taipan GT. It’s a shame, but… It is what it is.
Net HP: 335
Gross HP: 372
Finalists:
8 Likes
I didn’t expect to rank as a finalist, but here I am in the top four… and still in with a shot of winning.
Yep 100% fair. I just ran out of inspiration when it came time to do the front end, tried a whole lot of things and failed, then semi-gave up 
But… side exit exhausts…
1 Like