REVIEWS Pt. 1!
1st Round Knock-outs
I will make this round as quick as possible as cars in this round have managed to be either:
- Uninteresting to talk about
or
- Forcefully quirky
onceasuper by @Mausil
This is less of a first round bin and more of an instabin. I’m gonna be fast with this.
The lore claims this once “super car” had its engine stolen and had it swapped with a 10L V8 pushing a measly 243 horsepower and relatively measly 1100 nm torque.
Forget the engine swap gymnastics for a bit, did the guy steal the fixtures from it too? There’s a grand total of 14 fixtures on the car and none of them even attempt to make it look right.
I appreciate the detail of making the car do a carolina squat since the engine is supposedly crushing the suspensions. However, just because the game let you fit a longitudinal 10L V8 truck motor in there, doesn’t mean it’d ACTUALLY fit in there. That’s not how engine mounts work. Forget the suspension, the engine would fall off the car’s guts from sheer weight of it. Even if you did manage to mount the engine somehow with the electronics intact as you showed here, a truck transmission won’t fit in the car and the stock transmission would end itself on the first gearshift.
Not gonna bother with the exhaust pipe, but what the bejeesus is this?
Are they rusted out or are they forged out of someone’s shart?
Perata Milano SV4 @TaxEvasion
This little goof is honestly not a bad car. Some glaring issues I’ve found is the sort of contradictions found in the engineering. The company could afford to put multilink rear suspensions at the back, but didn’t bother with a proper helical AWD system, used a clutched LSD like old cars instead of a helical or viscous LSD, and twin-tube dampers like a shitbox spec? Not mentioning the 2-3 race mods, they’re fine.
Suspension tuning also leaves much to be desired. The 9200 RPM limit is indeed fun but with hilariously stiff springs, 0.3 bar of pressure from the rather massive turbos tell me that if the racing version of this car existed as the lore text suggests, it would’ve been quite the catastrophe because this is basically an average German grandma’s Jetta TDi with an extra cylinder. It’s good fun with all the boyracer bits and the power is there to go to 100 km/h under 6 seconds but when it comes to other sporty bits like taking a corner or giving you a joyous experience, it falls severely flat.
It’s fun to take cars like these apart and fix the mistakes automakers made while engineering them and turn them into a more capable machine. Unfortunately, the Milano faces seriously stiff competition.
Choice quote from Jazz:
“It’s like a worse Neon SRT4, at least that thing managed to corner well.”
Primus Persua 1.2 CL young @Happyhungryhippo
I like this little nugget. It’s peak chav car. I enjoy cars like these because they’re generally overbuilt for their purpose, are reliable, built with materials forged out of the cheapest plastic but easy to replace and repair.
3 cylinders and 82 horsepower pushing this 1 ton nugget actually gets a decent fuel mileage and gets to highway speed in juuust over 11 seconds. FWD transverse 5 spd MT configuration and very simplistic electronical engineering choices mean there’s plenty of room to mod the shit out of this car.
Realistically, whatever’s left after buying this car, anyone with a budget overhead of 20k would be able to de-shittify this car very easily. And what a shame, because that was not this round’s goal. If the challenge was to make something that’s relatively shitboxy, has a charm, can be had for cheap and has tons of modding capabilities like a Hyundai Getz/Accent, this would’ve been up there.
But as it stands, the “quirks” it has like the metro-lookin ass seats, the insanely horrid hot pink/purple whatever paint, the “young” badge on the side and just being stupidly cheap on all fronts.
I know how you enjoy these rather boring cars and in this case I enjoy these too, but it’s falling under the scope of this challenge.
Choice quote from Jazz:
“Perfect for a Mighty Car Mods video. Maybe for our channel too one day… but not for this video, no.”
Pittsburgh Callahan Type S Maxi @Rise_Comics
You are not convincing me this was an official WRC contending car. You are not. Get outta here with that.
Let’s get the looks out of the way.
Headlights are about 10-12 years too new, everything else is about 6-7 years behind especially the rear end on its own. And you left the fuckoff big red beamng camera visible.
Intricate interior though, I’ll give you that.
Surely you could let it rev out 500 more revs? It actually lets the engine perform BETTER.
Torque steer, negative steering feel and bleeding edge active parts in a 90s official WRC car. Yeah buddy we’re making it outta Ouninpohja with this one.
Choice quote from Jazz:
“Hah, WRC… they wish. Probably some homebuilt race car with donor parts from other cars mishmashed together. For the 16 grand asking price, I could buy an actual Evo or a WRX.”
AVG E70 by @Djadania
The AVG E70, not to be confused by abg7, he’s still stuck at version 7.0.
Same thing really.
If the joke was for it to be a really shit looking car with semi-decent internals, then unfortunately the execution for the said shit look was also shit. It’s bad and not in a charming way, pardon my bluntness.
Great taillight housing though!
Explain to me what cups are fitting in that cupholder space other than a small McCafe cup, and how the fuck the driver is reaching that far without crashing?
I believe we have a trademark violation lawsuit coming from Moroza. I understand why parts of it is done that way but it’s a bit much lol.
This is an insanely packaged car btw. It has superbly high end bells and whistles like ACTIVE COMFORT suspension and lightweight AHS steel construction.
Riddle me this though:
Whadafuq? Why LSD?
Oh cooling flaps, I wonder what the powerplant is…
Oh…
So you have a kei car engine, in a decently large 2.4m wheelbase hatchback that’s been squished from the back, and the lore tells me this is simultaneously a luxury, eco, sportscar. And apparently it also sold a few thousand examples? And it’s gonna cost me $9889?
Choice quote from Jazz:
“I’d rather buy a BetterDeals”
I’d get the whole pt1 out right now if I could, but I am a master at ruining my schedule LMFAO. TBC tomorrow!
(for anyone interested, it’s basically a mixture of Citroen BX and Subaru Forester with a turbo - with less power though; I’ll publish it some day…)