“You blithering idiot!”
“What, John?”
“You cut the brake lines on the pace car, you moron! They’re not competing against us!”
“Shit. So that’s what the 00 on the front door meant?”
“Yes, dumbass. So you just cut the pace car’s brake lines, which means there could be an investigation into who’s trying to sabotage the race. And guess what, they’ll look at the amateurs first because professional teams don’t do that shit. Don’t want to get banned from all civilized race-tracks, after all.”
“So why are we doing it?”
“Because you suggested it, Brian, you fuckin’ moron. You wanted to ram cars off the road, use the off-road lamps as a weapon, and pour sludge in people’s gas tanks from the get-go. So, who else did you tamper with?”
“I used a hacksaw on someone’s exhaust headers to try making their car deafeningly loud, switched someone’s oil from 50 weight to 20 weight, put half a gallon of water in someone’s gas tank, and I took these three bolts out of someone’s steering assembly.”
“Go throw those in the latrine before someone checks our car. If you put half this effort into fixing the car instead of sabotaging the other teams, maybe I’ll be able to get enough rest to wrestle the Demon around the next rally stage instead of crumpling our aluminum shell like a soup can.”
“Shit, John, I didn’t think we’d get in trouble for this. I didn’t think we’d…”
“Yeah, Brian, I know you didn’t think. You did what you used to do on company outings at the go-kart track. You’d get there an hour early, pay the guy $10 to get in early and monkey with the karts, then pick the one you didn’t fuck with. Get out of my face and fix the car.”
“okay… we need to find someone that is messing with our car
it was totally fine except for scratches.suddenly becoming uncontrollable is not normal here, wedged in between 2 trees… what the hell. bent steering rods, warped chassis, total rim deformation.
some team must’ve really envious of us because we started strong, and decided to take the ‘safe route’
like seriously… from being third from the first, to third from the last WTF”
“about that boss, i’ve been meaning to say. this competition seems much dirtier than we thought. quite a lot of the drivers from the other teams are really suspicious, so it’s hard to even find a suspect.”
“i know, i’m somewhat regretting the decision to enter this competition. we took a big bet, and it seems that is starting to bite us back. all we’re doing right now is not a promotion for our car brand, but rather just humiliating ourselves, and our brand”
“oh cmon boss, we still have some chance to pick up the pace, there’s still 9 races”
“but if we can’t prevent the sabotage from happening to our car, it’ll just be 9 humiliating races. we really need to think about how to safeguard our car with what we have here to prevent this from happening again”
“true that. touche”
After the latest endurance stage, Mike Stone summed up the day:
“Considering our exhaust problems, we did rather well to preserve a top 5 finish for the stage. If it weren’t for those wobbles, though, we could have reached the podium at least.”
“Er…Oh I know, the bearings on the front right lower control arm!” exclaimed Andrew.
“You are so close” replied Jan-Bart, shielding the list from his team mates view.
“Uh…wait, no! Not the bearings, the bushings?” he said like an excited child.
“Bang on!” said Jan-Bart, ticking off the item on his list. “And I think that ends our game of Car Fault Bingo for today”. He flicked through his notepad and Andrew got out of the car.
“Actually” shouted Jan-Bart, “there was something else.”
“What’s that?” said Andrew, who was looking for something in the boot.
“Well the steering was feeling a bit loose to me, almost like someone had taken out some of the bolts or something…”
Man those newspapers look nice 
well it’s getting intense, every race my result is getting worse… If I want to have a shot at overall win I need a lot of advantage before Nutsoring because lack of reliability in kicking in.
On the second “Road Trip” in the Tare Pratinum, with Walker Pierce and Kai Gonhan around 740 km into the second endurance stage. Walker discovered the inbuilt 8 track radio…
Walker: “Weren’t that the Erin guys on the side of the road?”
Kai: “The greeny blue box, yes. Hope our car stay solid.”
Walker: “Tad too solid! Them roads here are a pain in my leather seated b***.”
Walker: notices the radio in the middle console again. He has not complained about the lack of music so far, with the I6 providing its corny roaring sounds instead
Walker: “Hey, got any nice stations around here?”
Kai: “Not now. Take station at finish.”
Walker: “Yeah, and what 'bout the ‘station’ you ordered just before the finish on that first haul? The engine had ONE hiccup, but I bet it could’ve happily kept on sipping lean like that until we actually crossed the line.”
Kai: “You agreed to re-filling. Info, engine is made for middle revolution count, you done high revolution count. And I remember. You had hands on fueler pipes.”
Walker: “Carburetors. So, first, I did not know we were almost across, and second, that only made us faster. Else this box reliably overtakes the other cars only when they ‘station’ for whatever reason. Where’s that insane 200 horse machine been, anyways?”
Kai: “Stationing for fuel, very likely.”
Walker: “See, we don’t use that much gas! And I bet they ain’t got a radio, either! So, there are any radio stations or what?”
Walker: fumbles around on the radio. A button on the very left turned it on to static - “Where’s the tuner?”
Kai: “Hard right!”
Walker: turns the knob on the very right side of the device, it successfully tuned to a classic station (playing this particular piece of music) just before the yellow wagon went flying off the road
The landing was tough, warping parts of the suspension with the side effect of a lowered ride height, apparent from parts like the skidtray scraping on the ground on every harder deceleration and turn. It was luck that the radio’s tuning knob didn’t break off as Walker briefly hugged the dashboard on impact. The radio, for now, drowns the scraping noises, and hopefully soothes the moods of the drivers in the process.
I really like how engaging this has been so far! While I haven’t come up with a nice witty piece of story until now, I have followed the results closely. Two potential podium positions for the endurance stages, both being just some unlucky occurence away, rather neat! Now I hope Walker gets past being a total rookie in the next stages, with Kai possibly improving his English, too 
Good luck to everyone for the third sprint!
Congratulations to @AirJordan, @stensen and @lysambrias!
I’m thinking I am going to be showing the highest-finishing car that has not yet been featured in the Herald photo when someone wins more than once. Does that sound realistic enough to you? Or would you expect to see a picture of the car that triumphed?
Stage results:
Total points:
AirJordan seems to be pulling ahead a bit. Will it last?
The track is now up in the sharing thread, as usual.
“Eleventh place?”
“Our car’s beat to shit, Brian, and I had to stay up half the damn night trying to put it back together.”
“Well, if you didn’t crash it, we wouldn’t…”
While yelling, despite Brian being two feet away. “I wouldn’t have crashed the car if I hadn’t had to spend my time to rest fixing the car, because you’re too busy fuckin’ around with the competitors.”
“Geez, John, I didn’t mean to strike a nerve. I’m just saying, if you hadn’t crashed the car, we’d be better off.”
“Yes, and if I had chosen to listen to my uncle, I’d have brought a professional race car driver instead of you. Then we might be doing better. Instead, I chose to bring someone who knows how to fix our engines, and he’d rather run around cutting brake lines and putting piss in people’s gas tanks.”
“So how do you plan to fix it?”
“Drive as clean an endurance race as we can, hope we don’t have more accidents, and hope that this doesn’t bust up the car too badly so we can actually rest.”
A quick string of statistics about fatigue and crashing, for no reason other than that it might be interesting:
- koolkei
Car with 9.7 comfort and a 33.3 drivability value, reached 1.0 fatigue 410km into the 2nd Endurance and had a chance to crash of 0.64% per 5km at that moment. - Madrias
Car with 13.8 comfort and 34.7 drivability hit 0.883 fatigue at 410km in with a chance to crash of 0.56%. - AirJordan
Car with 19.1 comfort and 38.5 drivability hit 0.686 fatigue at 410km in with a chance to crash of 0.43%. - phale
Car with 20.1 comfort and >40 drivability hit 0.634 fatigue at 410km in with a chance to crash of 0.40%. - Der_Bayer
Car with 23.4 comfort and 38.6 drivability hit 0.580 fatigue at 410km in with a chance to crash of 0.38%. - stensen, abg7 and the Gnoo pace car
All with >=25 comfort and >=40 drivability hit 0.516 fatigue at 410km in with a chance to crash of 0.34%.
If anyone who wasn’t in this list is curious, let me know and I’ll pull your numbers. I just took this out manually to illustrate how comfort and drivability play out with different cars 
Obviously the RNG gods don’t always care about likelihoods.
Frank Harper remarked after finishing the third sprint stage: “The Red Dirt of Turul is the most taxing stage yet, and suits comfortable and easy-to-drive cars like ours. We did not have the outright pace to challenge the leaders in that last sprint, though, but we feel optimistic about the upcoming endurance stage.”
@abg7 continues on the good side of Fortuna with no incidents at all. As mentioned in the paper, the last refueling stop happens just ~10km from the finish. In total it ends up consuming one third the fuel of the thirstiest car present.
@stensen’s crew has a bit of fatigue due to repairs done on the car overnight, but also pulls a clean stage in spite of that. The Wiseman drinks quite a lot, though.
@DeusExMackia also pulls an incident free stage, ending in third and earning his rightful place on the Herald’s photo. The final fuel stop happens at 875km, so also pretty close to the end.
@Der_Bayer’s car has a spot of trouble with the exhaust system at 835km and spins off the mud track into the rough at 870km. It takes a bit of digging and pushing to get back underway, but damage is superficial.
@koolkei’s team starts tired due to repair works cutting into pillow time, but manages to finish without incidents regardless. Six fuel stops is on the high side, but fifth place points are nothing to sniff at.
@4LGE also starts with a bit of fatigue. They keep a reasonably good pace regardless, until the engine cuts out at 610km in. A big jump has jolted loose the distributor cap, which is nowhere to be found. It takes some time to dig out and fit the spare.
@RaduST’s crew spends 20 minutes of the race standing around holding jerry cans upside down. At 465km in, the front bumper fixings have taken one too many hits and the right side of the bumper begins to grind into the tire. There is no time to fix it on the road, so it is disassembled and thrown in the back.
@thecarlover’s team takes a jump a touch too hard just 65km in. One of the support arms of the rear suspension is bent and the shock is blown. Thanks to the solid axle setup they are able to replace the shock on the spot. The rest of the setup holds together well enough to take the H.A. Avtoralli 250 to the end of the stage, with the exception of a stop at 125km to re-tighten the lugnuts on the hurriedly replaced rear wheel.
@lysambrias’ team has an encounter with a deer at the 600km mark. The animal is instantly killed and does not suffer. That cannot be said for the crew who lose some twenty minutes working its remains back out through the windshield. The impact damages the dashboard fittings and a stop has to be made at 710km in to stop it interfering with the driver’s legwork. It comes loose again at 830km in, causing an unexpected jolt of full gas and a sideswipe of a nearby tree which does some minor damage to the car. That happens again just 5km later, though this time the crash is avoided.
@phale’s crew is the most tired pair to start the race due to earlier misfortune. They’re completely exhausted after 355km of driving and crash 490km in. Damage is less than the last endurance incident and the car holds together the rest of the way, though a lot of time has been lost. Two points is probably not what the crew were hoping for, but it’s something. The 9 hour rest-and-repair time after the next sprint will no doubt be a welcome respite.
@Faintingh’s crew loses control of the car 730km into the stage and goes tail first into a deep ditch. There is no way to work themselves loose by hand, and even the rally support jeeps don’t have enough grip on the mud, so the team has to wait for a local farmer to bring around his tractor. Damage is significant, but does not endanger the finish.
@oppositelock’ s poor drivability and engine reliability catch up to him in a cluster of troubles. A jump and hard landing break the exhaust fixings 65km in and bend the pipes enough to start interfering with airflow. A hacksaw is used to fix the problem. At 170km, the car goes wide into a rough rocky patch. A big hole is punched into the underbody by a sharp rock and a brake line is torn. The line is closed and reservoir refilled, leaving the car braking with 3 wheels for the rest of the stage. After getting underway, the crew notices problems with power transfer and have to stop just 5km later to drive out the large rock wedged hard between the underbody and the propeller shaft. They have to stop again at 570km to refill on brake fluid and at 710km to mend the hole in the underbody because exhaust from the cut pipe is seeping in. Problems with the engine at 745km rob them of another dozen or so minutes.
@Madrias’ crew also starts with significant fatigue from repair works. Their misfortune continues with engine troubles just 45km in, costing about half an hour. Perhaps trying to make back time, they have crashes at 255 and 380km into the stage, leaving the car at less than 16 points of reliability with more than half of the stage still to go. Two more stops have to be made - at 575km for the engine and 605km for the chassis. In the end, the Storm Demon crosses the finish line just under 15 hours after the beginning of the ordeal. It may perhaps be a point of pride that it managed to stay together and finish on its own power at just 4.4 points of reliability left.
@AirJordan’s team may have been getting a bit too confident? At 350km into the stage, they crash out, damage the front suspension and leave the car veering slightly to the right for the rest of the stage. Perhaps trying to keep up the pace in spite of this, they go off the road at speed at 830km into the stage and straight into a tree. The front radiator is smashed and massive damage caused all around. Though a patch up job allows the car to crawl a bit further, it gives up the ghost 20km before the finish and has to be trailered in.
The Gnoo pace car has an uneventful race. The Howler has some trouble with the brake system at 870km, losing 22 minutes. Almost thirty minutes of quality nature watching is accommodated by the regular fuel stops.
praying that super high reliability would still get me the pull ahead that i need.
Ohhhhhh first to last in a blink of an eye… That’s harsh. I wonder what drivers have to say for themselves…
Will this have negative effect on future races?
Mike Stone, after winning the third endurance stage, told reporters about his experience that day:
“It was an utterly trouble-free run for us. The same can’t be said of some of the other entrants, though - they may have focused too heavily on outright pace at the expense of drivability, economy and reliability, which are our key strengths. We were, in fact, tipped to win this stage, but even though we did, we can’t afford to be complacent in subsequent stages.”
Official statement from the Erin PR Office:
“We are incredibly proud of Andrew Sell and Jan-Bart Vedder for getting the Merna into third place. There’s hope yet for this little car!”
“Damn Andrew, we’re on a bit of a roll here!” said Jan-Bart happily, scanning his notes and his trusty stopwatch.
“Aren’t we just” replied Andrew, tapping the steering wheel. “Whatever you did to get the steering rack back to normal certainly helped. It feels new.”
Truth be told, Jan-Bart had botched the job - with some confidence given his ability as a mechanic - as the missing bolts still hadn’t turned up.
“Ah, you’d be surprised with what you can do with a chopped-up screw driver and some gaffer tape” said Jan-Bart proudly. “Can’t promise it’ll hold though!”
@HowlerAutomotive can I just take a moment to appreciate the quality of your Photoshop work.
Cracking good work, mate.
“Wait, you didn’t put 20 weight oil in our engine?”
“No, sir. John, even as annoyed as I was with you yesterday, I wouldn’t put any less than 40 weight into this engine. We both know that it’s a high-strung engine designed around a mid-weight oil.”
“So you’re saying I got hit with a taste of your medicine.”
“It’s… possible. It could also be mixed fluids and not just oil.”
“Looks like we’re going to be racing tired again.”
“No shit. And this time even I don’t get off easy. I’ve got to fix the beast with just the tools I brought.”
“As if it’s going to be any easier to deal with the loose suspension and the broken motor mount.”
“So that’s the clunk I heard over that bump?”
“Yep. Broken front-left motor mount. We lose another one, she’ll shear the other two and drop the Screamin’ Demon in the dirt. Along with the transmission. So I’ve got to fix that.”
“Might be easier if we take the Baby out of the car, then. I’ve got to see what damage ticky-lifters caused at 6000 RPM. And make sure we didn’t do something bad to the rest of the engine.”
A few hours later
“John, please tell me you remembered to pack the spare head gaskets? She’s pissing coolant into the oil pan.”
“Should be a set in the glovebox.”
“Why are the head gaskets in the glove compartment?”
“Because I keep my driving gloves above the sun visor.”
“But, why aren’t the head gaskets with the rest of the engine stuff?”
“Because I don’t put all my eggs in one basket. Suppose someone really wanted us out of the race, what would they do?”
“Well, they’d have to disable our car somehow.”
“So what would happen if they managed to put a 20 weight oil in the engine, and in the same process, swiped your bag of supplies?”
“We’d be done for. I wouldn’t have any of my tools, none of my spare parts, the most we could do at that point is mitigating the damage already done.”
“Check the glove compartment.”
“Holy shit, John! You’ve put nearly a whole engine in here.”
“She could be rebuilt so long as the block and the heads survive. Twice over, even. Because I don’t believe in running without a backup somehow, and I’ve brought the backup to your backup.”
“So that’s why you kept telling me to quit kicking the dashboard.”
“Exactly. There’s pistons, crankshafts, camshafts, connecting rods, everything we’d need to build the Screamin’ Demon from the ground up, so long as I drive well enough to not crack the block or warp the heads.”
A few hours later than that
“John, I can’t find my valve wrench.”
“Brian, what does it look like? I can’t tell half your damn tools apart.”
Insert vague description of some form of custom valve-spring-compressing tool
“The blue handled thing you left on the radiator?”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
“Why are you doing the valves?”
“Well, look at this and tell me it’s just fine.” Brian hands John a bent, nearly broken valve.
“Good point. Replace the set.”
“I was going to, just I couldn’t find my valve wrench, and your little mention earlier has me paranoid.”
“Turnabout’s fair play, and you’ve caused a few problems. Just keep in mind that any further tampering may lead to me deciding to leave you in this place when I head back home.”
“Got it. While you’re there, John, can you verify the oil is actually 40 weight for me?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks.”
“You want the good news, or the bad news?”
“Bad news first.”
“It’s not 40 weight.”
“Shit. What’s the good news?”
“It feels like 50 or 60 weight. And you built this car with loose oil galleries…”
“She’ll flow okay. High oil pressure by high viscosity, but… A little high’s better than a little low. At least she won’t strip the cylinder walls or spin the bearings. But if that’s the 60 weight, what’d you put in the rear end?”
“The 90 weight gear oil. I know it was 90 weight because it felt like it took half an hour trying to fill the diff with one stupid can.”
“Good point. Is it possible we’ve used all the 40 weight?”
“Yes. Let’s face it, we’ve known she burns a little oil. Hell, some days, she burns a lot of oil. If the head gasket’s been bad for any length of time, that’s where all our 40 weight’s gone, right into the cylinders, exploded, and shoved out the exhaust.”
“Well, she won’t be running great, but she’ll run.”
Thanks guys, much appreciated 
That will have a major impact on the next sprint, as those are considered to be run shortly after the endurance stages. That means your car will be held together with gum and good wishes and operate at the minimum 5% reliability level. Expect your time to be… factored. It is a good time for a breakdown, relatively speaking, because after the sprint there’s 9 whole hours to make repairs and rest.
In a fierce battle for second to last place, the trashed Perlita S has to give way to the slightly less trashed Storm Demon.
Sikora-Racing and Team Adenine both have a go for sixth position with the Adenine Ardent losing out by about a second and a half. Erin Motorsport is just half a second behind them.
G+C Engineering’s Cascadia CS takes fourth place in spite of significant damage (though not as significant as some other contestants).
I’ve given the photo op to the Klariat Lock, as their first exposure was technically before the rally started, and I was only starting to dial in what I wanted the black and white pictures to look like.
The fourth Sprint track, Life is a Tractor is now up in the sharing thread.
goddammit that photoshop werks… so beautiful
a question though. what do you think about a little headlight glare? because afaik, don’t rally cars have their light constantly on?