AAA Centurion 6.0 SS
As Henry is Reading his Sunday newspaper, he sees an ad that catches his attention: the brand-new AAA Centurion 6.0 SS. “A manual, six-liter, rear-drive sedan, now that certainly seems interesting”, he thinks to himself “and at 40 grand MSRP, definitely high-up but still within budget” “It’s a bit simple-looking, isn’t it?”, says Laurie as she looks over his shoulder. “Kind of, but these advertised performance numbers certainly look interesting, don’t they? I mean, almost 300 km/h and just under five seconds to 100, not too shabby at all” “Well, let’s look at some reviews then, shall we?”. The couple fire up the good ol’ tower PC and open up Autoblog, where almost immediately a review for the Centurion pops up. “While the looks might not be the most beautiful or eye-catching, it definitely has some interesting elements of aggression” – “The engine is on the quieter side, but it provides gobs of midrange grunt, with excellent throttle response, especially for such an old-school setup” – “The interior, while not luxurious, is well-appointed, with leather surfaces, a premium sound system and satellite navigation” – “Suspension tuning is great, with a good balance between comfort and dynamics, leaning towards oversteer at certain speeds but always keeping composure” – “The manual transmission somewhat hinders the ease-of-driving factor for the average Joe, though it’s not a particularly difficult gearbox to operate and, ultimately, it’s not a difficult car to drive” – “Its simplicity, combined with a choice of quality components, means it should be reliable for the years to come” – “In conclusion, the Centurion offers a true muscle car experience, with a massive, powerful V8, great performance and good dynamics, all in the comfortable, practical package of a midsize sedan.”
“Well, this review seems awfully nice, even if the looks don’t quite convince me, it’s definitely going on the shortlist.”
Verdict: Moves on. While not great in terms of design, it has all the necessary elements and some nice touches, though the placement of some of the graphic elements (lights, grilles, etc.) is somewhat haphazard, like the whole taillight-plateholder area being too low, the headlight-grille area being too narrow or the rear bumper being too bare. Engineering wise, it places well, though not excellently, with good tuning and good component choice, as well as good application of quality, seeing as price is a low priority it does well by making use of the full budget.
Fierce Baby NX
“Since we’re already on Autoblog, how about searching for some more similar cars?”, Laurie says, “not like we have anything better to do on a Sunday morning am I right?”
As they scroll down on the muscle category, another sedan shows up, the much larger and much cheaper Fierce Baby NX. “Fierce Baby NX? What kinda name is that?” Henry says. “Let’s put that aside and look at the review, shall we?” Laurie says while holding back laughter.
“While the Fierce Baby isn’t quite a looker, the front end is decently finished, with a narrow, aggressive dual grille setup. Moving onto the side is where it starts to fall apart, with door protection floating over some dimples, old-school door handles and side mirrors mounted halfway up the a-pillar, we’re not sure how the door is even able to open.” “Out back it leans further into the simple but aggressive theme, with teardrop-shaped connected taillights, a very simple plateholder, badging with incorrect model designation and a square but aggressive diffuser with dual exhaust tips.” “The way this vehicle was engineered is almost as careless as the way it was designed, combining a double-wishbone front end with a semi trailing arm rear end, poorly tuned springs and dampers, narrow tires, a peaky engine that manages to be quiet even with tubular exhaust manifolds and a poorly geared five-speed manual gearbox. The fierce baby isn’t comfortable, fun or easy to drive, even though it’s really fast and accelerates quickly.”
“Well, this is definitely not going on the shortlist”, scoffs Henry.
Verdict: Design and engineering elimination. Besides the front end, which is decent, and the rear, which had a certain amount of effort put in, everything else is carelessly done. Mechanical component choice is outdated and nonsensical, quality application is poor, and the stats suffer for it. With the amount of budget left, and the amount of time given, a better effort certainly would have yielded a better result.
Mara Kavaler Mk3 4.6 AMM
“Onto the next one, shall we… wait what is that?”, Henry stops on his tracks. “Is this something that someone is actually selling as a car, let alone labeling as a muscle car?”
“Well it has everything a car should have”, replies Laurie, “I’m just not sure it’s all in the right place, or the right size.” They decide to skim through the review, as the looks themselves have already put both of them off.
“… decently powerful 4.6 liter V8…” “…easy to drive thanks to its automatic transmission…” “… poor suspension calibration, with an overly stiff front end…” “…well-equipped interior which saves it a bit when it comes to comfort…”
Verdict: Design elimination. It’s just too simple, the proportions aren’t right for a muscle car and the execution is lazy and unimaginative, though it has nearly all the necessary elements, it’s all in the wrong place and generally too small. Engineering is decent, though performance is the lowest of the bunch, comfort and drivability are decent despite the awful suspension tuning. Like the previous entry, it leaves a lot of budget on the table for an ultimately underwhelming result.
Bahastu NW20 - 2.8 TT6 IR Sport
“Wait a second, why is this in the muscle car section?”, says Henry, “is it just because it’s a somewhat high-performance RWD car?”
“Well, it does look very nice”, replies Laurie, “though I’ll agree with you, there is nothing here that says muscle car”
“Just skimming through this review, it seems it has decent performance and is well-tuned, if not stellar, with a turbo V6 with a ton of lag and sky-high servicing costs.”
“Yeah, I think we should pass on this one, it’s really not what we’re looking for.”
Verdict: Design elimination. While it doesn’t break any of the rules, simply put, this isn’t a muscle car in any way, shape or form. Though the design is well executed, the proportions and the graphic elements are better suited to a FWD European executive car, which this was clearly inspired by. Performance wise, it’s underwhelming – on its own, it’s not bad, but it falters against the competition. It has a very late spooling turbocharger, extremely narrow tires and a stiff suspension tune, which yield decent but not great numbers.
ACZ Badger Hauler
“Look, another wagon” – “Oooh, this one’s certainly different” – “A V10, by god, what decadence!” – “Alright, alright, let’s give this a read.”
“The ACZ Badger Hauler follows the traditional American recipe, both in engineering and design, with a square, simple and retro-inspired look, with certain quirks like the front suicide doors. While some modern touches are present, this design feels like it’s stuck in between the 70’s and the 00’s” – “Mechanically speaking, it has a massive pushrod V10, with a respectable 408 horsepower and a massive push of midrange grunt. This old-school engine is simple, reliable and fun.” – “The manual gearbox has close ratios with not a lot of overdrive, though it still manages an impressive 310 km/h top speed, though we’re not sure if we want to reach that high, as the suspension tuning is frankly awful, overall too soft with an oversprung and underdamped rear end, which even the adaptive dampers and swaybars can’t mask.” – “Even with that soft suspension, the strangely and poorly equipped interior means this isn’t even that comfortable of a cruiser.” – “Its wagon body offers decent practicality” – “Long-term reliability is good, if not great, as are service costs, though the bare steel body won’t fare well if you ever get serious winters” – “While this muscle wagon is certainly a bang for the buck, we’re not sure the right bang was chosen.”
Verdict: Barely moves on. The design just makes the cut, with outdated premade lights and grilles, though an effort was certainly made to differentiate it, especially with the suicide doors. Surfacing is bare but present, which pushes it over the line. Where it falls apart is in the engineering department. With very light quality application and low-tier components in key places, it leaves a lot of budget available for better components or higher quality, while its lazy suspension tuning produces poor stats all-around.
DCMW Al-Sheikh Standard Eight M
“Woah, this is certainly interesting” – “I know, right?” – “Let’s see what them bloggers have to say about it.”
“The DCMW Al-Sheikh Standard Eight M is as bold as its mouthful of a name suggests, with a striking, retromodern design that combines bleeding edge lighting technology with classic shapes and proportions. Performance and driving dynamics are great, as it employs state-of-the-art active suspension technology, a high-strung DOHC V8 and a stellarly appointed interior to provide a comfortable, safe and fun driving experience. Its focus lies on cornering performance rather than high-speed cruising, with a 285 km/h top speed – fast but not groundbreaking – and it offers impressive acceleration numbers for its class and configuration. The manual transmission is fun to shift, though it is somewhat more difficult than other manual muscle cars we’ve driven. The fully active suspension is very well tuned, offering some of the best cornering performance for a muscle car. Though its base tuning is stiff, the active components – in conjunction with the swanky, retromodern interior – provide a highly comfortable driving experience, great for the day-to-day or for eating highway miles” – “Its hatchback body offers great practicality, though not far above some of the muscle sedans and wagons we’ve tested” – “Its construction employs aluminum in key places, with very high build quality, resulting in a great resistance to environmental threats” – “The high quality of key components make this a highly reliable car, though servicing it at a dealership, though not eye-wateringly expensive, is still not the cheapest.”
Verdict: Moves on. The design is very bold and confident, though it’s almost the same in approach as your TMCC35 entry. It feels stuck between eras, with too-new elements such as the quad-projector headlamps and the continuous LED lightbar out back, contrasted with too-old elements, such as the split windows and chrome bezels everywhere. Some of the proportions are also funky, like the width of the flares or the profile of the tires. Still, I don’t believe it’s a poorly executed Automation design, it’s just somewhat caricaturesque. It is very well tuned and has the highest performance rating of the competition, though the top speed is in the middle of the pack, its acceleration and high-speed cornering blow everything else out of the water. It also makes use of almost the full budget, which allows it to use such high-tier components. Note that I decided to waive the practicality penalty, as it’s the only hatchback submitted, and it falls well within the range set by the other bodystyles.
Flint Globetrotter 5.6 Standard
“Now this is retro!” – “Yeah, let’s see if it’s old school cool or just old school.”
“The Flint Globetrotter takes the classic coke bottle shape of sedans from the 70s, as well as most of the design elements from the era, with very little modernity in its approach. Simple, quad round headlamps call back to the sealed beam era, while the rear is somewhat more modern, though a little bare. Like other retro-styled muscle cars we’ve tested, the Globetrotter also takes an old-school approach to its dynamics, with very soft suspension tuning, a midrange-heavy V8 and high-overdrive gearing. Even with its soft and wallowy ride, it offers good performance and surprising cornering capabilities, though it is evident that its dynamic tuning is geared towards ease of driving rather than excitement. Interior measurements don’t offer the highest practicality, but it should still be decent in that regard. Long term, it should be very reliable, and quoted dealership service costs are among the cheapest in its class. Additionally, its choice of materials offers decent resistance to rust and corrosion.*
Verdict: Moves on. The design, while simple at first glance, has some well-executed elements, like the side and bumper moldings and the lower rear bumper. My only gripe is with the taillights, which try to ape the contemporary Charger but end up too small and far apart, creating a very wide almost empty and flat area in the trunk lid. Its performance numbers are very good all around, though it has the lowest sportiness among the competition. It makes good use of the available budget without going to the limit. Overall, it is comfortable, drivable, safe, reliable and economical, it’s just not exciting.
Weldon Rebel 5.0-XP
“Talk about whiplash…” – “I know, from square to bubbly.”
“The rounded and melty Weldon Rebel 5.0-XP brings modern cues to the muscle car formula, completely eschewing the retromodern design trends of its peers. Though its silhouette and proportions look some ten years out of date, it implements current design elements well, resulting in a nice – if not perfect – look. When it comes to driving, the Rebel offers typical muscle behavior, though it bears noticing that it is one of the lightest vehicles in its class, at under 1.5 tons, thanks to its use of aluminum in key body components, as well as its compact size. While we didn’t find it to be the easiest or most fun to drive, it’s still well-tuned and doesn’t present any glaring issues in that regard. Its engine is a reliable and responsive 5.0-liter SOHC V8, which offers decent midrange performance, though its simplicity and low stress should make it a very reliable powerplant. Its gearing is set up for highway cruising, with a long final drive and spaced-out ratios, however, its top speed is not the highest we’ve seen, at 281 km/h. The use of active dampers and swaybars, as well as a well-equipped interior, means that this should be a decently comfortable cruiser, and, by our measurements, a decently practical one as well. Reliability and serviceability are also strong points, though its unprotected AHS steel underpinnings should make anyone who gets proper winters think twice.”
Verdict: Moves on. The design uses some great, era-appropriate elements, though more work could have been done with the morphs to get better proportions. The roundness of the front contrasts the shape of the headlights and grille, the roof is somewhat tall, and the rake of the rear end is a bit aggressive. Otherwise, surfacing and graphic elements are well done and make sense for the era and class. Despite its light weight and stiff active suspension, its sportiness rating is on the lower end, and its otherwise good performance rating is hampered by the extreme overdrive and resulting lowered top speed. Cost-wise, it assigns budget well and is at a sort of middle point in the ranking. Its specs overall are pretty good, only faltering a bit in some places.
Somervell Scimitar SBP Wagon
“Oh wow, now that’s a beaut.” – “AND it’s a wagon, should be interesting.”
“The Somervell Scimitar SBP Wagon is a supremely practical, comfortable and stylish muscle wagon, with bold, aggressive lines and an air of premium modernity, combined with gung-ho americana. Its large footprint offers stellar interior dimensions, making this the most practical of all everyday muscles we’ve tested. As it uses aluminum in some body panels, it is commendably lightweight for its size and segment, especially with a massive 6.0-litre V8 up front. Said engine offers great power and a strong midrange, coupled with a gnarly exhaust note. As with many of its ilk, this engine will certainly be reliable for the years and miles to come. Though somewhat undersprung, it is dynamically impressive, with an easy to drive demeanor that still offers great fun and good performance, even if the headline figures are hampered by an electronic speed limiter. With the active damping system, stellar legroom, premium material choice and modern technology, it is a very comfortable place to spend long highway hours, or the day-to-day commute. On the long run, it offers good reliability and decently accessible dealership service costs, though its chassis material choice is definitely not the greatest for salty winter roads.”
Verdict: Moves on. This is one of my favorite designs in this competition, bold, aggressive and very well executed, working beautifully within the constraints of the chosen body and molding it into something that almost blows everything else out of the water. The choice to go to the higher end of the wheelbase range yielded great results, with the best practicality and second-best comfort score. It also has the highest drivability rating, thanks to smart component choice, quality application and calibration. The only place where you shot yourselves in the foot is the top speed limiter, as it’s among the lowest of the competition, and the performance of your engine had a hell of a lot more to give.
Talaroo - 300R
“Wait, are we in the compact sport tuner category? I though you clicked muscle cars…” – “Yeaah this doesn’t quite do it, and reading through this, it seems like it’s not our loss. They say it rides like an oxcart, though it seems like it doesn’t drive that bad and performs decently well… Still, those proportions, and that rear end, I just can’t put it on the list.”
Verdict: Design elimination. While the front has some promising potential, the proportions are just completely wrong for this brief, with a tall, short hood and a cab-forward silhouette. The rear end is also droopy and uninspiring, which contributes negatively to its overall design. Mechanically, it would’ve placed decently well, though being the only solid rear axle entry – with poor suspension tuning at that – it has atrocious comfort and would have been at the lower end of the pack in other categories.
Archer Conqueror GT8
“This is a familiar look isn’t it?” – “Yeah, but this one’s much cleaner once you get down to the nitty gritty.”
“The Archer Conqueror GT8 is yet another entry into the retromodern muscle sedan category, similar at first glance to other models in the market but with a much better executed approach. Its coke bottle silhouette is heavily accentuated at the rear haunches, giving it a purposeful, aggressive look. Full-width, narrow graphic elements front and back work wonderfully with the width and tallness of the body, and they blend classic shapes with modern lighting technology. The lower areas are beautifully molded, with flowy but purposeful lines and contrasting accents that up the aggression. Under the skin, it offers the best the mid-00s have to offer, with a body made partially of aluminum, adaptive suspension and a premium, tech-loaded interior. Its suspension geometry and tuning make this the most comfortable everyday muscle we’ve tested, as well as one of the best-driving examples of this formula. While it’s not geared for the utmost fun, it still offers good dynamics and is easy to drive. The large, understressed, 5.4-litre V8 is geared for reliability and midrange grunt, with a rowdy exhaust note worthy of the muscle car label. Its top speed is artificially limited, though it’s not exactly slow or boring. Long-term overall reliability is one of the best we’ve seen, and servicing costs are the lowest of its class.”
Verdict: Moves on. This design is also one of my favorites, with a clean approach to the retromodern equation, rather than the bold and modern Scimitar. It falls behind in terms of performance, with an even lower 250 km/h speed limiter, which gives it a somewhat low sportiness score. Like its body-mate the Globetrotter, its practicality isn’t great, coming in at the lowest among its competitors. Still, it is a well-executed car, both in terms of design and engineering, even if it’s not at the bleeding edge.
Rankings
1 - Somervell Scimitar SBP Wagon @Texaslav & @Kyorg
2 - Archer Conqueror GT8 @vero94773
3 - Weldon Rebel 5.0-XP @supersaturn77
4 - DCMW Al-Sheikh Standard Eight M @moroza
5 - AAA Centurion 6.0 SS @abg7
6 - Flint Globetrotter 5.6 Standard @oldmanbuick
7 - ACZ Badger Hauler @Kreator
