Sorry, but my keyboard is crap. It should say “it.”
Yeah, editing it doesn’t help 
. Vic is still king.
Santa crashes into the hill on his test run. Being Santa, he lives. Same goes for his reindeer. VicVictory, however, doesn’t end up looking so good.
I do a deal with Santa, and I control the hill, with him making sure it stays that way. You can’t kill Santa and he won’t die of old age, so I am pretty much protected for life mwahahahahahaha (and he even has his elves come along on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to protect me while he is gone!)
I do a deal with Satan to find a way to push Santa away. Then, I push off Cheeseman.
King.
I wait for the inevitable result of titleguy’s poorly executed contract with the devil. I giggle and wave goodbye as he is dragged into the depths of hell.
Then I stroll atop my hill.
Santa is still mad at you for being in his way. Lots of coal for you!
One spark, and the whole hill goes up in flames, taking Vicvictory along with it.
I am king!
The deal is still on with me and Santa, and when I arrive he kicks Jakgoe further away than you could ever imagine. Very far. Yo fat mama’s waist circumference kind of far.
Back to the hill I go!
Through an elaborate system of tunnels I stealthily ascend the underbelly of the hill where Santa and Cheeseman are, leaping from the tunnel I land two well placed surprise judo chops to the groin sending them rolling down the hill. Hill claimed
I push np1993 right back down the tunnels, and jump on the hill so it collapses on him.
I am king!
I call the cops who press charges on Santa. He gets loose, but then before he attempts a second murder the cops shoot him in the head. He doesn’t die, but now he is in a coma. Cheeseman’s deal with the dev- I mean, Santa is broken. So I push him off.
I heavily guard the hill with a high-tech nuclear bomb shelter that nobody can break through, not even through teleportation. If anyone intrudes, an atomic bomb goes off and nobody lives and the hill cannot be remade, so I win.
Hill is mine.
I realize that his bomb is from the 1950’s, because (like SideShow Bob), he likes nostalgia. I trigger the bomb, which instead just goes up in a puff of smoke.
Crying at his failed attempt to take the hill, titleguy is easily shoved out of the way so I can reclaim the hill.
I challenge VicVictory to a game of truth or dare! Being a prideful American he chooses dare and I dare him to jump off the hill :-p
Santa won’t work then. Neither will you be getting any presents this year either.
I try somebody else to help me. I also thought he could do with a little makeover to make him so kawaiii
My work here is done. The hill, and all the land surrounding it within a 10 mile radius is mine (until futher troops are deployed)
Sony releases The Interview. (No, really.)
He starts scurrying off because he’s gonna bomb us now.
I push Cheeseman, who is defenseless, off the hill.
I’m the king of the hill.
The DPRK “hacks” the hill, and gets Titleguy off.
The hill is free to be claimed, but beware, the wrath of our eternal glorious leader will fall upon he who walks the hallowed ground.
Why would he go off the hill? The bombs are there you fool! Kim is very angry (not the Kardashian, she is a dicktaker, not a dictator)!
Him reclaimed. Kim will set of a bomb (not #breaktheinternet!)
I settle this with an old style twerk-off. Seeing as how everyone is now nauseated, conquering the hill is child’s play.
I send in Miley Cyrus. Her twerking is so disgusting even you vomit. Nauseated, I slap both you and Miley off the Hill.
I am King.
After retching my innards all over Miley until she is completely covered and no longer offensive, I am skinnier than I was when I was 13. This allows me to do an aerial bombardment of titleguy via hang glider. Once he is cratered, I land and retake the hill.