And you do know what the generated words could be, thanks to this spreadsheet.
(You can even propose words of your own!)
So the vote isn’t unanimous, but it is notably in favor of the option I already supported. So the deadline is now set for Sunday March 2 at 11:59 UTC! That should give people who still want to enter 2 weekends to get it sent.
(also I might be lenient towards late submissions as long as i haven’t posted the first round…)
Also, one more note to the people who’ve already submitted (@Knugcab, @HelloHi, @mart1n2005, @06DPA, @Ringu, and @Chief); I forgot to remind in the last post that you can propose your own categories & rules on the spreadsheet! Just make sure they’re also in by the deadline, and in the same DM thread you submitted in.
:D
2 Likes
About one day left; last chance to chuck a marble in the bag!
I’ll be lenient to entries regarding the exact time, especially if you communicate with me; but once I post that first prompt, it’s closed for good. So to be safe, hurry up!
Fresh off of dead last finishes in TMCC and QFC, it’s two different generations of the Flint Globetrotter!
Look, it couldn’t possibly go worse than it already has for these sad saps, so what’s there to lose?
5 Likes
I will definitely send something, probably two things, possibly one of them original. There’s enough madness going on in my life that I’ve little room for more, hence largely neglecting this thread, but for referencing DCMW above (check the spelling, though), I’ll make the effort.
1 Like
From the “underreviewed and unconventional” department…
1959 DCMW Ghurruz Standard Six X diesel, in Dalluhan military livery (but LHD)
2004 DCMW Barrijat Supremacy R, in Dalluhan motorsports livery
5 Likes
I’m a bit late to the draw here, but the deadline has officially, finally passed! That means the first round generation is liable to be announced at any time.
Once that’s posted, I’ll leave it for a bit (feel free to throw out comments/suggestions), then get its writeups out. Stay tuned!
List of people who’ve already submitted:
@Knugcab
@HelloHi
@mart1n2005
@06DPA
@Ringu
@Chief
@oldmanbuick
@hjuugoo
@moroza
2 Likes
Almost forgot to introduce our many competitors (in random order, of course). Entries were slow to come at first, but in the end ya’ll pulled through with 17 entries from 10 different people! And they’re all pretty unique from one another, which’ll give our random generator a lot of material to work with!
I’m also gonna do one more revision pass on the rules, probably won’t change much (I do wanna add a category about trim year) but wanted to announce it just for transparency’s sake.
Flint Globetrotter Excelsior
A pretty decent 90’s Muscle GT; kind of a sleeper, you’d think it’s a mundane commuter at first glance, but the 245hp V8 will make those commutes more than special.
DCMW Barrijat Supremacy R (DTC 666)
Insane V16 racecar with a higher sportiness figure than I knew was possible (and an appropriately low comfort figure to match), thanks to race tires and dinner-table-sized wings.
Alira Sausalito 4WX Tech
Pretty decent 2020’s sports sedan, same power output as the above Globetrotter but from a half-the-size Boxer 4. Makes the most of modern tech to be fast, comfortable, and reliable.
Korrodiert OS-A45
Huge Porsche-Cayenne type loaded with an opulent excess of literally everything. It’s so well made, in fact, that the creator couldn’t open it to make it match the naming convention. It also crashed my game a couple times.
MLC is known for inviting the most absurd, game-braking vehicles and yet somehow the car that broke this one was just some boring-ass crossover.
DCMW Ghurruz Standard Six X
The oldest vehicle here, a massive 4x4 military offroader with a massive 5.3L I6 and the pinnacle of tech available for the time, leading to impressive Offroad even by modern standards.
Rocinante
Once a high-performance entry for an abandoned tuner challenge, that’s been broken to hell and back by updates.
Funnily enough, since I entered this, a minivan challenge started that’s also about tuning a regular car into a race car. Maybe this van will get a chance to be abandoned again finally do some racing after all.
Baz Kommodore
A refreshingly glorious 60’s shitbox; no tech, no features, just an engine in a tin can for a low price. That’s not true actually, it’s pretty well appointed for it’s segment with a great radio, disc brakes and 1.5L engine.
Cabbage Wii-WashHell
It’s a washing machine. Hooray!
(Well, Automation thinks it’s an I3 hatchback that goes 165mph, but what does Automation know?)
This user first submitted it, then asked to resubmit it, and the only thing they changed was putting a couple copies of Wii Sports on top of it. Good game, not sure what it means tho.
Полетный петух авиакомпании Goonistan Airlines
See, this is the sort of thing you’d get in an old MLC.
Maxtra Deliver 5 crewvan
Back to normal cars, a hybrid people/cargo minivan for the modern age. Having an Inline-5 is pretty unique, but the rest of it is just well-executed industrial design; the good kind of boring.
Cago 200 Estate 1.8 (slightly reworked)
Nothing like a good, hardy wagon to soothe the soul. 12 years into its production run, it’s reliable, efficient, and spiked with some offroad tech to take its work wherever it’s needed.
Flint Globetrotter Standard Sedan
The 20-year elder version of the other Globetrotter above. It’s also V8 powered, also comfort tuned, and it’s actually got the same 0-100 as the 90’s one, but for 1970 that’s a bit more impressive.
Saunaab
A delightfully high-effort meme car, that may have poor visibility and aerodynamics, but is well appointed with “tech” to keep you “comfortable.” So it’s basically just a Chevy Suburban.
ARVA Kosulya 2.5DT
Another van, except they sawed off the back part and bolted a bucket there instead. It may be spartan in its features, but 6 seats and 2.5L for $12k is a pretty sweet deal.
Apoapsis Triton
A rear-engined luxury cruiser, originally built for the same allegedly-not-abandoned challenge as the Korrodiert above. This one’s less derivable, reliable, and pretty, but it’s also sportier, safer, and doesn’t crash games.
Pingu Commander
This RV-type-thing is filled with gaming chairs, gaming PCs and a fridge! It’s a dream office on wheels! Just don’t floor its hyper-tuned 8.2L too hard, nothing in there’s bolted down.
October Overlander
Last but not least, an I6 work truck from the late 70’s. You’d think it’d be super humble and barebones, but it’s actually really well appointed with its offroad tech, power steering, and a premium interior.
Round 1 coming soon!
10 Likes
Tech pinnacle? Hardly. Steel on steel ladder frame, iron on iron OHV, period-correct medium-duty crossplies, leaf springs and drums at both ends, not even any seatbelts. Sure, it’s got MFI, but diesels have had that since the 1870s.
Some of its stablemates that year (CSR155) were loaded with tech that spooked some buyers, sure, but not this one.
Trim year rules? Damn, two close seconds for submission were even older:
2 Likes
The trim year one favors either newer or older at random, so those would’ve scored either poorly or really well. Regardless, they do look fire though.
Also, fair on the tech, when I wrote that I was thinking more on offroading/trim tech than chassis/engine. Wasn’t being super in-depth yet.
3 Likes
*there’s no correlation with “well madeness”, the creator’s game just crashes when trying to open any / make a new car
edit: OR I am just stupid and missed the joke/roast (as in, the creator couldn’t be assed to rename it)
3 Likes
The first round generation is out, to prove I’m not dead get ideas rolling and invite discussion & speculation while I work on the actual results! I’m expecting about 2 weeks before the first review is up; I’ve still got that busy IRL stuff going, but it seems it’ll wrap up in the next few days.
Our Client, Nicole, is a 10 year old female superhero and independent content creator living in Bangladesh. She is awesome, friendly, and self-deprecating. More than anything, what she wants is a car that has huge engine displacement. She also strongly wants poor environmental resistance and good comfort. While not as important to her, she would also appreciate poor emissions, smaller engine displacement, good braking distance, and the best possible top speed.
Rules:
- Lateral g’s must be less than .65g
- Must be AWD/4x4
- Must have a wheelbase below 2.0m
- Must fail WES for its year in Gasmea
- Must require 98 RON (leaded or unleaded)
I think I’ve got some ideas forming to make that character work. The ruleset is a bit tricky however; I’m not sure what it could be asking for? I’ll have to wait and see what it’s gonna get!
2 Likes
Seems like all the cars will fail big time, lol.
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She wants, more than anything, huge engine displacement, but would appreciate smaller engine displacement?
3 Likes
Sounds like the usual 10 year old kid to me…
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Also, for added chaos, the huge and small categories are scored differently (the former by cool-wall ranking and the latter all-or-nothing for top half).
The joys of true randomness! :D
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I don’t think I make the rules or break all of them on this one. Do we even have an entry below 2.0m wheelbase?
Anyway, one of my entries for round 2 will be made to this round’s specs, because it isn’t unlikely we will get the same stuff again. Gambling eventually pays.
Actually, I’ve guaranteed that rules (and other generated aspects) will not repeat between rounds. Future rounds may have similar rules, but unless we have a super-high number of rounds (at least 20 or so), the same rules will never appear again.
But also
Are these canceling each other out?
ROUND 1 - HASHTAG HEROISM
(For a recap of the rules, see here)
In Bangladesh, being a career superhero doesn’t just mean doing good for people in ways only you can; you gotta make your good deeds known! You don’t just help, you help in the flashiest way possible When people don’t need help, they need entertainment, and you gotta provide (and monetize) that entertainment if you’re gonna support a lifestyle of doing good- or depending on your character, the other way around. And don’t take your skills for granted, either; being born with superpowers may be super rare, but in the world’s eighth most populated nation even the rare is commonplace.
Gazipur-born Nicole had already come to idolize these celebrity-superheroes by age 10, when she discovered her own electricity-based powers. So despite her humble background, she wasted no time in figuring out how to get a smartphone, post things to the internet, and imitate her icons with her own super-trendy alias; all while hiding everything from her family, because she knew they’d disapprove ('cause she’s “too young to be a Tik Tok star” or something).
The thing is, as a kid with all her needs met anyway, Nicole was oblivious to the whole “making a living” part of celebrity superheroism; to her, they just seemed like nice people going around helping others. So that’s what she did; unwittingly becoming the ideal she (and everyone else) wanted superheroes to be. Her unique brand of enthusiasm and naively-pure authenticity rang refreshingly well with a public tired of forced overacting and sponsorships, and she quickly became the most popular hero in her city of Gazipur!
But Gazipur, big a city as it is, pales in comparison to the nearby capital of Dhaka. That’s where the most popular superheroes move to, including most of the friends (and enemies) she likes to work with. She’s been traveling there more and more frequently, and even though she can zap around pretty quickly, it still takes her a lot of effort. She always returns from these trips really late and tired; which her family’s starting to notice.
Then one day, when her visiting uncle gave her a few Hotwheels toys, she got the idea: she should get a super-cool, super-sporty super-car! Just like all the most famous Dhaka supers have, having her own Batmobile wouldn’t just make her commutes a little easier, it’d also be the perfect way to impress her followers and one-up her enemies! Yes, this car is the perfect plan; and she’s come to us to get it!
Rules
Nicole may be a drop of wholesome, but sometimes she unwittingly imitates the more toxic of social media. For a gag, instead of asking for what she wanted, she asked for what she didn’t want- something clunky, cramped, AWD ('cause SUVs aren’t cool), polluting, and expensive to run -hoping that the spiteful internet might give her exactly the opposite (and thus exactly what she wanted).
And at first, it worked! There was no car in our lineup that passed all her stated rules; in fact, the entire field did poorly in all of them. But there were 2 cars that successfully failed all of them; the Apoapsis Triton and Flint Globetrotter Excelsior both proved maneuverable enough, ample-sized, with sporty RWD and low emissions for their eras, all while running on cheaper, more available fuel. They both seem like a great base for her super-cool super-hero car, and got a +2 bonus for passing outright!
Problem is, 2 cars isn’t a enough to run a round; Nicole needs a larger pool to select from. So we had to also let in the 2 cars that passed more than 3 rules. Indeed, the Pingu Commander and Cabbage Wii-WashHell were the only entrants to pass more rules than they failed! The former uses expensive fuel, pollutes a little, and handles about as well as… well, a bus. The latter is one of only 2 cars under 2.0m, pollutes a lot, and technically yes, “all” of it’s “wheels” do “drive.”
Neither of those were really what she was looking for, and that still leaves us at just 4 cars; so once again, we lower the threshold to allow every car that passed at least two rules. And that let in most of the rest of the pack. For few the stragglers that didn’t make it: the ARVA and Maxtra commercial vehicles couldn’t grip, Rocinante and the other Globetrotter used 98 RON, and the fancy-modern Alira Sausalito dared have AWD.
3-POINT CATEGORIES
We start with 3 points to the 5 highest top speeds (which means fast!) and shortest half of braking distance (which according to racing games, also means fast!). Unsurprisingly, DMCW’s Barrijat touring car took both crowns, with a 300kph top speed and a 31m 100-0. The Triton and Korrodiert both came up surprisingly close, but for completely different reasons, with both being ultra-luxury highway cruisers from the same challenge.
The real surprise, though, is the RV and Washing Machine being the other 2 to get the top speed score; they both have really suped-up engines for some reason. When it came to braking though, the appliance did fine, but the bus needed a whole 114m to stop from 100; dwarfing anyone else by a long shot!
From here, this is where she starts to get conflicted; Nicole knows pollution is bad, which is why she had the emissions rule, but she also heard cars that are too eco-friendly don’t have a lot of fast!, so this category serves to balance that out. The rule, unfortunately, kinda got thrown out the window when all the polluting cars got let in, so… congrats to the Wii-WashHell for it’s catastrophically terrible polution getting the full 3 points, and our condolences to the Triton for being the only WES 11 car to make it into this round.
And then there’s engine displacement. She knows bigger engine = more fast, but she also knows too big an engine = fuel thirsty, and knows enough about money to know she doesn’t have much. so in another balancing act, here’s a bit of quick love to the smallest half cars, the smallest of which being the washing machine again, at 1.5, and the biggest scoring one was the Barrijat’s 3.0L (surprising for a car with a V16). We’ll reward the biggest engines later.
5-POINT CATEGORIES
So, the Wii-WashHell got full marks in the smaller rounds, but with a comfort of 0.1 it couldn’t say the same for the mid-tier. Nicole wants everything all fancy and cool to be inside, so this is the luxury cruisers’ time to shine again, with the Globetrotter and Commander also putting up good scores. Surprisingly, the humble Baz Kommodore also squeaked into the top half, and also achieved full marks in Environmental Resistance.
Ok, explanation for Environmental Resistance: Nicole actually wanted poor ER, in the hopes that the car will rust out sooner so she can get a new one sooner and keep up with the “trends.” So poorly protected cars, like the Kommodore, Saunaab and washing machine did well, while well-made vehicles like the Korrodiert and Globetrotter fell behind. As did Goonistan Airlines, which had an absurdly high 69.8 ER that skewed everyone else’s points higher.
(Another thing about Goonistan Airlines by the way, it breaks the CSV exporter somehow, which means I have to go in and read all its stats manually.)
9-POINT CATEGORY
So far, the Wii-WashHell’s Poor ER has helped it just barely hold it’s lead, with the Triton close behind. A shockingly-good performance in the 2-stars has also brought the Kommodore up to surprise 3rd. But now we’re down to the last yet most important category; Nicole doesn’t want engine size to dominate completely, but it was still important to her to have that fast! Is the Triton’s V8 big enough to give it the lead, or is the balance in favor of it’s smaller competitors?
Results
SURPRISE!!!
8.2L.
8.2 Liters!
The second highest displacement in this challenge was 5.0L, by DMCW’s truck. And here comes the Commander- with an I6 btw -with EIGHT POINT TWO LITERS.
By Cool Wall scoring, this gives it a 4-point lead in this category*, rendering the earlier 3-point stat useless and rocketing the Commander, which had otherwise done middling apart from good comfort and top speed -to a solid first place, crushing the Triton and it’s “puny” 4L.
(including the 3-point category from earlier, the highest scorer here was the Barrijat Supremacy, which added 2 points this round for a 5 point total.
CONCLUSION
Okay, Nicole was a bit dejected when an office building on wheels showed up. After all, she’d been looking for a Batmobile, not a mobile Batcave. And “mobile” is an ambitious term there, she can’t even afford to drive it down the block, let alone a city over. Not that she’d know how to control a bus anyway; and this one’s challenging to drive even by bus standards. And where the hell is she gonna store it?
(Granted, these are all things that would have been problems with a normal car, but the commander makes them about as terrible as possible.)
On the plus side, once she did find an abandoned industrial site to hide it in, it turned out having a place more private than her apartment (or random streets) was useful for storing things that weren’t safe to bring home, or talking aloud to the camera without attracting attention. Not to mention, all the computers inside were particularly useful to someone with electricity-based powers.
Some time later, as she grew even more popular, she actually did end up making enough money to take it to Dhaka on a couple occasions. And fortunately, she’d built up just enough goodwill to be forgiven for the property damages she caused doing so.
So things weren’t completely screwed up by the commander snatching it’s win; congratulations to @Ringu! But I feel like we can help our clients better than that, how about you? Tune in next time, to see if our 17 entrants can work out a better fit for our host! Or will we fail even harder?
Pings for every participant:
@Edsel @Knugcab @HelloHi @mart1n2005 @06DPA @Ringu @Chief @oldmanbuick @hjuugoo @moroza
Updated Spreadsheet
See you shortly for round 2!
9 Likes