Mediocre Car Challenge

[TheYugo45GV]

Oceanic Auto Sales

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2005 Leclerc 42X AWD

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DON’T MISS OUT ON THIS CERTIFIED PRE-OWNED UNIT!!!

With up to 60% DOWN PAYMENT, a 60,000 mile warranty, you will have no trouble affording this RARE CLASSIC CAR!

The Leclerc 42X AWD features many comforts like a sun roof, automatic transmission, All wheel drive, and power adjustable seats. It’s all super nice, until you see that this car has a V8 ENGINE.

It is a 4.2l unit making 220 horsepower! This car is not for the faint of heart!

Starting price of $5,000.

Current Mileage: 242,360 miles

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CALL US TO BOOK YOUR TEST DRIVE TODAY! DON’T MISS OUT!!!

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[Happyhungryhippo]

A wagon with sliding doors?
Whatever you smoked, I want that stuff.

[AMuteCrypt]

The challenge explicitly calls for minivans, on minivan bodies - not wagons. In real life, there are plenty of bland minivans with sliding doors. You don’t need to be smoking anything to make a minivan with a sliding door, it’s quite common.

Of course, if someone has submitted a wagon, then that’s a paddlin’.

[TheYugo45GV]

I did use the MPV variant of the Commodore body and just lowered the roof because it was comically tall. Plus, in lore its a normal full size car reengineered into a minivan, at least from the concepts the Leclerc design team drew up

[IDK158]

yeah the roof is sorta meant to be comedically tall, thats how MPVs look

[Madrias]

2005 Kasivah Serenity GLX

Let’s face it: We all have growing families. Kids need to be shuttled to sports-ball practice, the pool, to school, or just down the street to their friend’s house. Camping trips must be planned and taken, no matter how much someone screams that “I’ll die if I can’t play GTA for three days.” Road trips will be made to grandma’s house because planes are expensive and you’re not so evil (yet) to inflict a screaming baby on the rest of the plane.

You need a minivan. Preferably, you want a safe minivan.

Well, we understand that safety and excitement are on opposite ends of the curve. We know - We kicked off a power war in a small country in the 80’s.

That’s why this minivan is about as exciting as air-popped popcorn without butter.

We give you a 150 horsepower, six cylinder engine, and our proven iVFC5 automatic transmission. It’s FWD because that’s safe and sensible. It seats 7 in relative comfort, while getting 24 MPG.

But the real benefit of this minivan is this: It is safe and it is reliable.

To make it safer, we built this minivan with only the passenger side sliding door, to make it harder for passengers to walk into traffic. This also improves structural integrity, meaning the vehicle is a bit safer in a crash.

Likewise, we believe that distracted driving is the leading cause of easily-preventable crashes. This is why we equipped the Serenity with a CD player instead of a satellite navigation unit. People do not need to be fiddling with a screen while driving, or staring at the screen instead of looking at the road. We only included the CD player because focus groups called the minivan “awful” when we only included an AM radio, and called the cassette deck, and I quote “Outright insulting.”

So, for less than $25,000, you can buy a silver box of sorrow for your growing family, and smile proudly as you know, eventually, you’ll pass this mountain of misery onto one of your children as their “first car.”

[shibusu]

2005 Ilaris Ilis SLX

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“Your joy has been found.” (elsewhere)

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Do you hate yourself and your family? Have you had an accident with your partner who is now pregnant? Do you only have 14,500$ in your savings account? Then the Ilaris Ilis SLX is for you. Designed by sports car engineers (who begged management to let them work on a sports car instead), the Ilis is light, maneuverable, fast, and will make sure you will arrive at soccer practice on time. With a 140-horsepower inline-four engine, the Ilis is economical too, with a combined mileage of 28.8MPG*, while retaining a top speed of over 130 miles per hour (for those really urgent soccer practice situations). Oh, not to mention, it’s just as unsafe as one of our sports cars. Keep that in mind when your foot is crushed and your face is smeared across the airbag.

In the mean time, our engineers have gone on strike, but we’re forced to continue development anyway otherwise we’ll go belly up from having no funding to develop fun and affordable sports cars. Please help.

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(* Automation estimate. Your mileage may vary according to your driving style and amount of red lights run.)

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More misery

[AMuteCrypt]

There are 24 hours until submissions close.

Pinging @IDK158 as requested. Also pinging @ldub0775 who showed a WIP in the thread.

[HelloHi]

2005 Warbler Salton

The only minivan named after a fish graveyard

A brand-new generation of our perennial minivan, starting at only $13,400!

Featuring our Practicus V6, FWD and a 5 speed automatic, it will drive through any mall or suburban neighborhood you desire trouble-free!

Comes with an interior of moderately shitty hard plastics and vinyl upholstery so you don’t care when little Timmy and Jenny decide to make Cheeto dust sand castles on the second row seats! Remember, you wanted kids.

[S_U_C_C_U_L_E_N_T]

:wolf: :wolf: :wolf: JIIIIIIIKAAAAAAAAAAA KAU BERRRRTEMU AKU BEGINIIIIIIIIIII...... :wolf: :wolf: :wolf: BERLUUUMPUR TUBUH DAN KERINGAT MEMBASAH BUMIIIIIIIIIIII... DIPENJARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, TERKURUNG TERHUKUM... HANYAAAAAAAAAAAAA MENEMANKAN SEPI.... BISAKAH... KAU MENGHARGAI..... CINTAKUUUUUUU YANG SUCIIIIII INIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII :wolf: :wolf: :wolf:

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HINODE RUSA ARJUNA

MEMANG TIADA DUANYA

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First introduced in 1976, the Hinode Rusa has been known for its reliability, dependability, and ruggedness, making it the car of choice for many developing regions such as Southeast Asia, South Asia, and Africa. The fourth generation Rusa, first launched in 1997, received considerable upgrades as the afrementioned regions it was sold in grew more affluent during this time. Gone was the completely boxy look, instead replaced with a much smoother and aerodynamic body.

While basic and utilitarian versions of the Rusa continued to be offered, the Arjuna trim was offered to those that wanted the dependability of a Rusa, but with a little more pizzazz. The interior became more luxurious, with high-quality cloth seats and faux wood trim. The standard steel wheels were replaced with bigger alloys, and a beefier bodykit was added to help the car project its presence over other, lesser cars on the road.

Engine options included 1.8l and 2.0l fuel injected or carburetted petrol engines, and a 2.4l diesel engine. Engines were mated to either a 4 or 5-speed manual transmission or a 4-speed automatic, and power is sent to either the rear wheels or all four wheels (in certain markets). 2005 is the last year of 4th generation Rusa production, with the 5th generation Rusa setting to debut in late 2005.

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Fastest car in the world

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© 2005 Hinode Motor Corp.

ini MPV goblok

[lotto77]

is anyone even going to read this? I guess I'll just put a spaceship here (_)(_):::::::::::D~~

2005 Halvson Satellite GX

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Newly facelifted for 2005, the Halvson Satellite will keep your family moving in comfort.

Pretend there's two reverse lights there, funny visual errors are funny.

Derived from our Muler van, the Satellite will survive every family happening, with cheap parts and easy accessibility.

Powered by the latest NG engines, the Satellite has ample power to move your kids and their sports equipment.

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Call your nearest Halvson dealer to book a test drive today!

[IDK158]

nevermind, the car is too new. Good luck peeps!

[Ludvig]

Fowler Multiply 152 Grandeur Edition

What you saw in the ads was a brightly colored premium V8-powered 7-seat wagon, based on the Buckshot sports sedan, with carlike handling, and the promise of being Not your Mom’s minivan.

What your wife got, was a compromised, cramped 4-cylinder economy car that isn’t even all that economical. A minivan as miserable and anhedonic as yourself.

Edition what? What edition?
It’s the standard Grandeur trim, but with premium staples including a sunroof, CD player and delicious body colored mirrors. And it only comes in classy Gris Pigalle.

[AMuteCrypt]

Entries are now closed. Judging will begin shortly, I need a coffee first.

[AMuteCrypt]

GET IN THE BIN

Honestly, I’m almost impressed. The challenge has four rules - 7+ seats, be an MPV, don’t touch the techpool, set trim and variant to 2005.

Two of these rules got broken.

So, without further ado, the binned entries.

Left: @lotto77 - Halvson Satellite GX
Right: @Hilbert - Malamoto Salito GX EXPRESS WAGON 7-SEATS

So, let’s start with the Halvson, shall we? This one was binned for engine techpool. All categories were set to zero, zip, nada. It’s a bit of a shame, really. Besides being boxy, it’s a rather bland, boring thing which would have presented an interesting question while judging. The only interesting element is the engine - an inline five. I also might have dinged it for the high-flow catalytic converter. Bit of a shame, really.

Then, the Malamoto. Also a GX, fulling enough. Does GX stand for Getinthebin X? This one was binned for its variant year - the engine is from 1996 and hasn’t been touched since then, making the car illegal. That is not the only outdated thing about this car, however. By using a body shape from 1984, it has a distinct “of the era” feeling… “Of the previous era”. The car feels dated, you see. Yes, it’s bland, and I have even ridden in something that looks like this… But I have ridden in something that looks like this that was from the 90s, not 2005. Had it been released in real life, it would have been unique. Take a look at real minivans (for instance, those on fueleconomy.gov) and you will notice a common shape. This… does not have that shape. Not even close. I would have been forced to penalise it for standing out in the market despite its blandness. Using a purely mechanical gearbox in 2005 is also somewhat suspicious, as is having excessive rear braking force (around 4x the grip on the rear axle!).

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So, we are now left with 11 entries, by @AndiD @Edsel @Happyhungryhippo @SheikhMansour @HelloHi @LS_Swapped_Rx-7 @Ludvig @Madrias @shibusu @S_U_C_C_U_L_E_N_T and @TheYugo45GV . How will they do? Wait and see.

[lotto77]

When your brain is tiny and you don’t check the techpool on the old ass engine you’re recycling.

[Hilbert]

@AMuteCrypt

This one was binned for its variant year - the engine is from 1996 and hasn’t been touched since then, making the car illegal. That is not the only outdated thing about this car, however. By using a body shape from 1984, it has a distinct “of the era” feeling… “Of the previous era”.

There’s no need to change perfection.

[AMuteCrypt]

KEEPING IT REAL

So, let’s start out with the engineering realism judging. As a reminder, this section works by giving every car 20 points, then deducting them based on how much is unrealistic in the car. If I don’t say much about your car here, it’s because your engineering is perfectly realistic and sensible. A housekeeping note, however: As I did not specify a market, I will be reviewing cars based on a mixture of American, European and elsewhere. The US market’s minivans all started at 2.4L and had 4 or 6 cylinders… but Europe went smaller, so smaller is still fine.

Without further ado…

The Seongu Grand Kando 1.2 GLX 7 by AndiD: An i3 is perhaps a little small for this segment, but I’ll allow it. 4V feels odd, but the Citroen/Fiat/Peugeot/Lancia Eurovans used it so what do I know? Everything else feels realistic, full points.

The Bazard Dakar (2005) Clone by Edsel: Yup, that’s the name. A 3.5L 90 degree V6 with an iron block and an alu head? Murica! And realistic. A billet steel crank and heavy duty forged conrods? It’s fine on cast so this is entirely unneccessary and unrealistic, -4 points. Even worse is the torque curve, however. VTEC kicked in, yo… But why? Looking over to the fuel economy graph reveals that you aren’t even gaining economy; until about 2600 RPM, your VVL curve is more fuel efficient than your regular curve. Mileage is tested entirely below 2000 RPM, so you aren’t even boosting that stat. -7 points. Similarly, your use of active cooling flaps is headscratching for a 2005 minivan, -1 point. Total score: 8 points.

The Globus Traveller LS by HappyHungryHippo: You used Lightweight Forged pistons. Swapping over to Cast does put you under a little bit of RPM stress on both the pistons and the crank (who knew the crank stress was impacted by piston weight?), but that is easily fixed by adding just 6 balancing mass or going from harmonic dampers to balance shafts. Unlike the Bazard, it’s only a 1 point penalty because I can at least see a reason. I am somewhat unsure about the combination of vented front disks and rear drum brakes, but it seems that rear drums are more common than I realised so… zero change. Finally, using 90s-grade safety in 2005 is questionable, even if it is advanced; -2 points. Total score: 17 points.

The Warbler Salton by HelloHi: Another car with front vented and rear drums… And with 150% pressure front brakes and no brake airflow giving you all 3 types of brake fade, in addition to still not having adequate front braking force. -1 point, for a total of 19.

The Mercer Columbus SE 3.4 by LS_Swapped_Rx7: Front vented and rear drums again? Can someone please tell me which IRL car used these that you’re all copying? No penalty here… But you were right to be scared after the bins. I do indeed consider a mechanical automatic unrealistic in 2005, so -2 points for a total of 18.

The Fowler Multiply 152GE 16V by Ludvig: Vented+Drums again! I can’t believe it! Besides that, it’s FR which did not exist on the market but feels excusable enough - there’s been enough recent discussions on discord caused by QFC21 that I am already inclined to allow it. Full points.

The Kasivah Serenity GLX by Madrias: It all keeps adding up, I think I’m cracking up, do cars just use this pair, vented and drums? Multilink is borderline but I’ll allow it, the aliens somehow get full points… For now. You did plenty of decidedly not mediocre stuff.

The Fykselot Living Boat by SheikhMansour: Solids and drums this time, phew. A mechanical auto though, -2 points for a total of 18.

The Ilaris Ilis SLX by shibusu: Another car with a too-late VVL RPM causing it to lose out on efficiency, although it is only 400 RPM too late this time, and it does manage to hit the peak efficiency of its VVL curve, -3 points, for a total of 17.

The Hinode Rusa Arjuna by S_U_C_C_U_L_E_N_T: V_E_N_T_E_D___A_N_D___D_R_U_M_S. Full points though, FR isn’t getting a deduction.

The Leclerc 42X AWD by TheYugo45GV: Recalled due to ECU issues. Wait, no, that’s the other Leclerc. This one is actually losing 2 points due to the computers in the gearbox being missing. I did mention that a V8 might lose you a little, and a 5L V8 definitely gets dinged by 1 point. Total score: 17 points.

[mart1n2005]

Could you put car names and usernames above each photo please? We can’t tell what car is what

[AMuteCrypt]

I’ll edit that in when I get a chance. For now, they’re present as mouseover text.