Bringing a whole new meaning to your team name, I see…
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Ah, the good old Fart-in-a-Jar. Guaranteed to blow your mind and ruin your sense of smell.
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Depending on how much fart Strop packs in the jar it could be anything from a grenade to a nuke.
@VicVictory nah really just living up to the original 
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Saw this on my Facebook…
Yeah, going to maybe look into it more.
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The original Roulette Runner was loosely based off of that. The other ones were moved on-road but turned into longer events.
A little personal background on the Gambler 500… I was originally slated to do the one in Washington State last summer in a ratty '90 Buick Lesabre coupe, but I had a medical issue and couldn’t go. This year I’m aiming for the British Columbia one in late May, and will have an '00 Subaru Outback (and be acting as part of the recovery crew, since my car is “too nice” despite having over 200k miles)
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This is Pit Stop US with the crew…
Nathan - Age = Barely 30 years old. Has a knack for fixing electronics, but never actually makes stuff work better.
James - Slightly large and probably in charge. Age = Early 40s. Worked as a mechanic in the UK for a few years. Good at wiring stuffs.
Charles - Older, Wiser, but not-quite the mentor. Age = Um, old as dirt. (mid 50s) Generally the sensible one, not easily angered.
Pit Stop US is a “semi-professional” Youtube show (sort of the combination of Roadkill and Top Gear UK.)
[Yes, there will be a camera van following the trio, but the camera guys are strictly there to film, they will not interfere, nor help out in any way.]
One Last Hurrah Part 0
Editor’s Note: Since the last cross-country episode [47 was it?] was a total bust, the trio decided to participate again in the next event the organization held. The theme was a “fun car” and Charles was given the task to find the perfect fun car for the trio to road-trip this time around.
“So, why are we out here?” asked Nathan, as they got out of the cramped cab Charles’ old truck.
“I knew this geezer… we go way back,” replied Charles, “and he has the car I want for the right price.”
“Oh, dear,” comments James, “If he’s an old geezer to you, than how old is he exactly?”
Charles replies, “Oh, not too old… just a little north of 70…”
The cameras can feel the internal eye-rolling of James and Nathan. They reach a dusty old farmhouse with an insanely large lot of junk, including many cars, behind it. A small, fragile looking man comes out of the front door wielding a well worn cane in one hand and spark plugs in the other.
“Charles! It’s been a while! How’ya been?” the old man exclaims, laughing with excitement. He hugs Charles in his greeting. “Ya know, I wasa looking at that car ya’ra wantin… Itss gotta be a goon!”
Charles replies, “Martin! It’s good to see ya! Ya know… we blew up that’ol piece of shite pointy car a while back!”
Charles and Martin do some catching up as they walk over to the detached 2-car garage, James and Nathan following along quietly, almost admiring the deep friendship between Charles and Martin. They got into the garage to find an El Govnor MK II Wagon… A grimey, sun-faded, dinged up, and dust-covered wagon. The interior had seen better days, and the body, while appearing rust-free, was far from pristine.
“Wait! Hold on here!” interrupted Nathan, “Charles you were asked to find a cheap ‘fun car’, but instead you got a BOAT?!?!?!”
“Yeeaaap! Best fun I ever had was in one of these wagons back in the day!” Exclaims Charles, unfazed by the accusation. “This one’s somehow got the big block straight from the factory, and it’s easy to drive with a 3 speed auto!” He kept going on, bouncing talk about the car off Martin as well.
“We’re doomed,” said James, shaking his head.
“We should probably pack some more tools and spare parts for this one,” suggested Nathan.
“That’s a good call,” replied James.
“So, I… wasa gettin her reade for ya,” continued Martin, “and I coudn’t geter to start, so I thought i’da pull te ol two barr carb cuzit was probably jammed lika mark twoo sten. I was right. Sos, I took et apart to see if I could get the butterflees free, but it wasa weld’d by rust. So, I tooka looksie around to see if I could fine me a replacemeeent carb. And I founda foor-barrl carb en intake insted. It work’d first try!”
“Nice work!” said Charles.
“Oooh, I just remem’d I wanted to get de joints lub’d up!” Exclaimed Martin, as he scrambles about the garage looking for them. “I swears they were here yesterday!”
After it was clear Martin was not finding the grease gun, the team started searching with him. They searched up and down the garage, and out into the junk lot for almost 2 hours before they called it quits.
“We’re never going to find a grease gun out here,” said Nathan.
“Nope,” replied James, “So, onward we go then…”
They got the El Govnor wagon loaded up with the tools and supplies brought over in Charles’ truck, and decided to head out first thing in the morning.
###The Car:
1977 El Govnor MK II Wagon produced by American Eagle Automotive (AEA)
455ci Big Block V8
rated at 200hp
Lots of low RPM Torque (peak’s like 1900rpm)
Got some random 4bbl and intake from another 455.
3 speed auto on the column
Open rear differential, some “economy” grade tires
Cushy suspension of some sort (probably even more cushy due to the age)
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Awsome, I was wondering if it was an inspiration for your series. Ill be in Moab seeing how long my Jeep holds out about that time, so we will both be probably turning wrenches and scabbing vehicles together in the dirt at about the same time.
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(After spending more hours than I want to admit on my first car I exported it and was ready to send it I noticed the KEE word (punintended) in the heading… and the title of the event made sense… and I built my car in UE4 “facepalm” )
The Scandalnavians
Råger Snøytbråten - 31 years old, Råger is a gentle man from inner Brumunddal in Norway, that loves to fiddle around with old stuff that noone wants anymore, especially old computers and original transformer figurines. Fix 'em up and sell them for a nice profit is his motto, always snooping around junkyards for the next find. Always brings his camera along in case he sees something interesting. Has an old beetle that he’s been restoring for the last seven years that still isn’t finished, but it’s getting there. Can get hung up on the small details, but usually get’s the job done.
Børre Løfblad - 33 Years old, Børre is a quick-to-speak and quicker-to-regret-it engineer from Oslo always looking for his next adrenaline fix. Goes hunting when it is allowed and hiking with camping in the mountains when it’s not. Rides motorbikes in the summer and anything RWD without electronic help in the winter, to ruin the drifts. His driving style is more exuberant than efficient, but certainly entertaining to watch. Bored in everyday life, he has tasked Råger with finding a car for this adventure. Has known Råger for 25 years.
The beginning:
Børre and Råger walking towards the garage at Rågers farm.
B: “I’m excited to see what you got for us for this adventure Råger! I hope it’s somthing with some grunt, some umph, something that instills dread to our competitors!”
R: “Well, it is definitely not something they expect, and the sound is quite spectacular”
B: “Good a proper soundtrack is half the experience. I’m really looking forward to this man, I can’t wait for it to begin.”
Råger grabs the garage door and opens it with a grand gesture.
R: “Tadaaa!”
Børre looks quite confounded
B: “It’s… It’s…”
R: “Whaddya think?”
B: “… … It’s TINY! Råger, what the hell is this man?? I mean, c’mon, you’re not serious now are you?”
R: “I think it is rather good, this ABR Sprix. It’s not that small?”
B: "It is the size of a SHOE BOX! FOR CHILDREN! It looks like a toy car from a McDonalds Happy Meal. And a convertible?? This event is happening in spring you know? And I am not a hairdresser. "
R: “Don’t worry, I bought blankets… and caps! It will be just like Roadkill, and I know you love that show Børre.”
B: “I love to watch it on Youtube… Fine! But what’s up with the wobbly panels and small dents all over?”
R: “Well, that’s part of why I got it cheap. A shop in the neighbouring county had it in for regular service and the apprentice was going to test drive it. Turns out he wanted to practice for an upcoming rally in Finnskogen but forgot it was FWD and ended up rolling the car into a field that had just been sprayed with manure by the farmer. The customer didn’t want it back, so I got it for 200 and banged out the dents myself. The A columns are really sturdy and the damage is mostly cosmetic, except for the convertible roof being a bit wonky now and opening at random times. And the throttle got stuck when he rolled so the regular engine blew up. And the wheels were garbage. And the suspension. And the interior got soaked in manure in the field so that was trash. But other than that it is in great shape.”
Børre is standing there with an increasingly longer face for each statement.
B: “So you’re saying we got the shell of a, quite literally, shitty car and that’s pretty much it?”
R: “Well, I did have the odd this and that laying about so after a powerwash i started putting it back together. Take a look
around and see what you think.”
B: “Well, I see you got the wheels aligned with that jig of yours, which is a bonus. Looks like you pulled the suspension out of another tiny car, aftermarket and somewhat lowered or sporty. Quite big wheels for such a tiny car tho.”
R: “Yup, but you work with what you got right. And the tyres were in an odd size never picked up by the customer, so i traded them for an old fax machine at the local tyreshop”
B opening the passenger door, and the convertible roof folds down with a snap:
“Wonky indeed. Well, the seats looks rather nice, and I see we even got the CD player from my first car in this thing. That brings back memories doesn’t it?”
R: “Thought you’d like that touch. Got the same speakers in as well, so we will definitely have some entertainment for the trip.”
Børre pops the hood and walks to the front. After fiddling with the hatch for a minute it opens with a squeak.
B: “And here I thought the car was the small part. Råger, are you making fun of me? I cant even see the engine, just the airfilterbox and a turbo the size of my wristwatch!”
R: “Well, as I said, the old 1 litre engine blew up and had to be replaced, and I had this one left over from the FunKart project we started a few yours ago if you remember…?”
B: “You finally got all the parts for that engine? And you put it into THIS??? Holy mackerel, that explains a few things, but you’ve been sourcing parts for this engine for years. And it isnt really a cheap engine tho, is it?”
R: “Well, technically I actually havent’ payed anything for the engine, just traded parts with some of the things I’ve found here and there and refurbished. The only cost has been shipping parts back and forth, e.g. I got the heads for an old snowplough, and the turbo for a complete set of football cards… There is a reason it took so many years to get everything you know.”
B: “I’m speechless… And that doesn’t happen very often you know?”
R: " I know. Well, this little 600cc is now running a “modest” boost and redlines at about 8500 rpm. Wanna take her for a ride?"
B: “Abso-friggin-lutely!”
As they get in and fire up the engine a couple of things become blatantly apparent.
B Speaking rather loud: “It is not a quiet or subtle car thing now is it?”
R equally loud: “That is true, luckily I brought these fighter pilot headsets, got them cheap from an old neighbour who was a pilot”
They set of for a test drive in a plume of dust in the hillside of Brumunddal.
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TEAM OUTRIDERS
Prologue:
(The Garage at Luigi’s house)
Luigi: Shit! This was a bit worse than I thought.
Marc: Could’ve gone worse, the car could’ve rolled, plummeted into a ditch, at least it’s still driveable.
Luigi: Yeah, but this B Pillar is going to be a bitch. A pity we’re such a small city, otherwise we could use some better tools for this.
Marc: Better tools?
Luigi: The LAPD had so many of these things that they got a frame straightener specifically for the Enforcer.
Marc: Damn. How are we going to do this without?
Luigi: Hand me that chain on the wall.
(Marc hands Luigi the chain, Luigi then wraps one end around the B pillar, and fixes the other end to the trailer hitch on Marc’s Seneca*)
Luigi: Okay, get in, put it in four low and in first.
Marc: Right.
Luigi: Let off the brake slowly, try not to jerk it.
(The Seneca tugs against the B pillar on the Enforcer pulling it somewhat to the side but not enough to risk rollover)
Luigi: I wish Blake were here, his Stag would be much better for this. Give it some gas!
Marc: Right.
Luigi: Easy! Easy!
(The Seneca jerks forward a bit tugging against the Enforcer, however the B pillar starts to pull out a bit)
Luigi: Okay, ease down. Back up an inch, I’m taking this chain off.
Marc: How’d it do?
Luigi: Not good enough, I’m gonna have to put some heat on it.
Marc: Where is Blake anyway? Shouldn’t he be helping you with this?
Luigi: He’s off giving driving lessons to his daughter.
Marc: I thought she was nineteen.
Luigi: No, the youngest.
Marc: Oh, right.
(A parking lot)
Blake: Okay, review. What does a yellow light mean?
Sally: Floor it!
Blake: Very good. What does a red light mean?
Sally: Look both ways to make sure it’s safe, then floor it!
Blake: Good. What does a yield sign mean?
Sally: Nothing to a Worden.
Blake: I’m proud of you. Okay, two motorists come to an intersection at the same time, who has the right of way?
Sally: The person on the right.
Blake: Wrong! The guy in the big truck.
Sally: The manual says the vehicle on the right has the right of way.
Blake: The cemeteries say the bigger truck has the right of way.
Sally: Point taken.
Blake: I think you’re ready for your test, just remember what I told you about Road Rage.
Sally: “It’s not Road Rage until you get out of the car.”
Blake: (sniff) I can’t believe my little girl is going for her driving test tomorrow.
(Petoskey Motors ZLC Headquarters)
Ted: So it’s a 3000 mile drive in a shitbox?
Zach: Yup.
Ted: And you’re taking a car that has been through three of these?
Zach: What can I say? My dad and the others are really attached to it. I can’t say I blame them, it is a beast.
Ted: Not really much of a money maker for the company in the later years.
Zach: Hold on a minute, look at these spreadsheets.
Ted: What about them?
Zach: These figures. They don’t match up. Let me pull this up… There, look at that.
Ted: Administrative Surcharge?
Zach: I found them on every transaction, all kept on the down low. A few pennies here and there but for every car sale, every dealership service, every accessory sold. I think Mr. Dunbar should look at this.
Ted: You think it’s that serious?
Zach: Look at these figures. I can pretty much trace where all this money is going, except these “Administrative Surcharges” If you ask me, something is going on.
To be continued…
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Team V6 Vandals
Apologies in advance for the length. Quite a bit in this one as there’s a bit of set-up for future events, and so that others know what Luke looks like, in a round-about way. Plus, the mention of one of the many problems the Truckling has, in the form of an oil leak they can’t find.
CLANG!
“That’s not good.” Amy said, seeing Luke staggering back from the assembly line and promptly falling over.
“I’ll be fine. Not the first time I’ve been hit by the automated assembly robots.” Luke responded, getting back to his feet.
“True, but it is the first time you’ve been hit by a truck door traveling at high speed. You’re sure you’re fine?”
“Yeah. Probably ruined the mask, but it’s not the first time I’ve gone out without it.” Luke said, before carefully removing the latex mask from his head, revealing his usual Twilight Blue paint.
“Ooh. You’ve got a bit of a dent up there.” Amy said, handing Luke a nearby truck mirror, who grabbed it and took a look.
“Well, that’s… unpleasant, but far from critical.”
Jake and Cody arrived a few hours later, wanting to help get their Truckling in the best shape they could manage. Jake had gotten the text from his mother, warning him to notify Cody that the ‘kind old man’ from yesterday was actually Luke Light, and a robot.
“So, Cody, remember when I told you Luke wasn’t exactly what he seemed?” Jake asked, giving a light grin.
“Yeah, you did. Not often you see an old guy interested in junk runs, let alone one who runs his own car company. But then again, when the old man’s not quite, you know, human, that helps.” Cody replied, chuckling.
“You knew?”
“Dude, everyone knows. The amount of times he’s been on TV without that mask of his, you think I wouldn’t know what to look for? I knew the instant he had that magnetic clipboard stick to his hand. Doesn’t take long to realize that there’s very few people in this world who have all five fingers on their hand and can still stick magnets to it. Takes even less time to realize it’s Luke when you consider he’s still wearing that wrist-mounted computer thing.”
“I don’t wear it, it’s part of me.” Luke said. “It’s a diagnostic terminal and an Input/Output breakout box, with a 640 by 480 pixel resistive touch-screen and a slide-out keyboard. Only the finest of early 2000’s tech.”
Cody snapped around to look at Luke, who had managed by that time to replace the dented panel on his head with a spare, and apparently had spent the rest of that time… decorating it.
“Nice hair. Very metal, dude.” Cody said, admiring Luke’s new rock-star mane of thin brass chains. “Any practical purpose?”
“Besides covering up paint scratches and a dent? No. Mostly decoration. Something different because I don’t have a week to let more latex cure.”
Amy stuck her head around the corner, then sighed. “Damn it. I was hoping the two of you would discourage him from going out there like this. It’s bad enough that he looks like an Iron Man suit wearing a Pip-Boy, now he’s welded a ton of brass chains to his head.”
“Nah, it’s cool, Mom. Think about it, he’s 18. Consider it a late-stage of teenage rebellion.” Jake said, grinning. “Anyway, how’s the car-truck-thing doing?”
“It’s got an oil leak I can’t find. And it blows smoke.” Amy replied.
“And neither of those are problems we haven’t dealt with before.” Luke said. “Oil leak is like a transmission fluid leak, you keep topping it up and keep an eye on it. And smoke is just oil burning in the cylinders. It’s not a problem until it gets bad.”
“How is Luke at driving stick?” Cody asked.
“I can double-clutch faster than you can shift.” Luke replied. “And that’s not bragging, merely a fact.”
“Good, because I still have a lot to learn.” Jake said. “I mean, I’ve gotten better since the lime-green-shit-machine, but, well, I’m still not good at it.”
“Perhaps, Amy, we should give Jake the keys to one of the Mambas and let him loose on the test track?” Luke asked.
“No! God, no, that’s way too much car for him to handle. If you’re going to do something stupid like that, give him the keys to a '96 Knight, at least he won’t wreck a high-priced hyper-car.” Amy replied.
The day before they had to leave, the team was busy loading up the little Ishu Truckling’s bed.
“Checklist, please?” Amy asked.
Luke nodded, then said, “We have oil, spark plugs, throttle body gaskets, a set of throttle bodies, a spare ECU, a pair of full size spare tires, transmission fluid, coolant, and an entire box of brake parts. We also have a cooler full of dry ice and burgers, a hot-plate, assorted pots and pans, a case of soda, three cans of energy drinks, and… This is curious. Why are there four packs of Kosher hot-dogs?”
“Well…” Jake started, only for Cody to finish the sentence with, “Let’s just say that we’re making amends for the two members of our team that aren’t coming with us. Trevor, brilliant as he is at finding cars to sell, is a bit of a klepto. Stole a lot of food from the other teams, and, well, we’re at least repaying the Outriders. Only ones we could think of that’d have those.”
“So, expect trouble?” Luke asked.
“Probably. Just, um… Please don’t do anything too bad back to them, Luke.” Jake said.
“I don’t have much of a sense of humor, but, as long as their revenge doesn’t damage our car, I’ll get through it.” Luke said.
“So, how’s most of this going to go down?” Cody asked.
“Luke will do most of the driving, though I’ll step in when needed. The two of you have experience in other matters, and will know when to step in and help. Which means Luke gets the driver’s seat and I’m calling shotgun, so you two are stuck with the rear bench seat.” Amy said.
“Aw, man. I’m gonna be hitting my head on the window the whole time.” Cody whined.
“Don’t break it, or I’ll make you ride as a hood ornament.” Luke said.
“Please tell me he’s joking. He’s joking, right?”
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Team Redneck Preliminary
Jake is reading his messages on his phone, Otis is running a tractor feeding the cattle on a section down the road. Jake hoots when he reads the one about the new competition that they have been invited to participate in. He jumps on the riding mower and fires up the V-Twin and roars down the road doing nearly 90 mph in the straights. When he pulls up to his dads tractor Otis is visibly angry.
Otis, “JAKE DAMNNIT IF THE SHERIFF CATCHES YOU DRIVING AGAIN YOU AIN’T NEVER GOING TO SEE YOUR LICENSE AGAIN, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR DRIVING LIKE THAT”
Jake looks sheepish briefly forgetting why he was rushing over… “Dad we got an invite to another run”
Otis, “Well shit son why didn’t you call”
Jake looks sheepish again.
Otis, “Well you better load that thing onto the trailer, while I finish feeding, then we will make a list of what all we need to get loaded up. How long do we got?”
Jake, “Bout a week”
Later that evening they go over the truck, change all of the fluids while checking all of the magnetic drain plugs for excessive fuzz. They are part way into filling the transmission when the Sheriff pulls up to the barn.
Sheriff, “Hey Otis, Jake”
Otis, “Hows it goin”
Sheriff, “Doin Ok, hear the boy’s been driving reckless again”
Otis, “That so”
Sheriff, “Yeah, left near 60 feet of skid marks on Coyote road with that damn mower of yours. Scared the crap out of old lady Henderson too.”
Otis, “Boy got a bit excited and rushed over to tell me about us getting an invite to a competition out of state.”
Sheriff, “He couldn’t call ya, you know with that new fangled gadget called a cel-u-lar teel-eh-phone,” glares at Jake, “you kids are always playing with.”
Jake looks sheepish again.
Otis, “Like I said he got excited, plum forgot he wasn’t aloud to drive, and about the phone in his hand. Come to think about it would it be possible to let him have his license back for a week while we are out of state? He would be with me the whole time.”
Sheriff, “Hmmm, tell you what, he gets it back for the week, add one month to his suspension, he doesn’t drive in the county.”
Jake, “DEAL!”
Sheriff, “I’ll tell old lady Henderson you boys will be out of town, maybe she won’t bother me for a week.”
Otis, “Yeah sure, she will find someone else to bother you about”
The Sheriff chuckles, “Yeah, pick up the license on your way out of town”
That Saturday they head up to the local junk yards to find an new to them spare engine, it take most of the day to find one, after checking the vin numbers to find one that was running when it was brought in and didn’t look like it had been damaged. They spend the next day loading up the truck with all sorts of tools parts camping gear and food.
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The plot thickens…
Participants have started receiving email (and in some cases, snail mail) notifications of a new competition. It seems that this one is longer than before, and over 3,000 miles. And this time, it spans two countries.
the starting point?
Not far outside of Quebec City, QC, Canada. And the hosts made it clear that the endpoint is somewhere in the United States. In the Deep South. In between, great waterways of the two nations. And a LOT of miles.
It may well be balls-ass cold and snowing at the start, and blistering hot at the finish.
Who will be able to make it all the way?
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Bzzt Bzzt
“Hey.”
“Hey. Get your sister and come down to the shop. Found some stuff.”
“Alright. We’ll be down in 20.”
Team Faux Class
Lyra and Gemma arrive at Charlotte’s Boyfriend’s Mechanics Shop, and see the Niea 11 up on the lift.
“What’d you find?” Gemma asked.
“Two things. One might not be an issue, though,” Charlotte replied “Firstly, as you can see, Rust holes. Welded in a Steel plate in the trunk to keep our shit in place.”
“And what’s the other issue?” Lyra asked this time.
“Well, one you probably heard driving it to my place. Engine likes to rattle, like ball bearings in a jar, or something.”
“I just thought that’s what old engines sounded like.” Charlotte and Lyra poke around more with the car, kinda accidentally making some body holes bigger. Gemma eventually pipes up, with some news.
“Guess what, this one’s starting just outside of Quebec City!”
“Wait, really?” Charlotte and Lyra reply at almost the same time
“Yep, so less distance driving there, but…”
“But what?”
“The race is over 3000 miles, and ends somewhere in southern US.” They all sigh, thinking about the hell they’re all about to endure.
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THE BACKSTORY
A team of failed university graduates found themselves with a reasonable budget, but with no car and no point in life. This is when they turned to car restoration. One such of these cars is the Land Roamer Discoveree, An abandoned car in a scrapheap, showing great signs of past adventures that had long gone. The rustbucket was brought for a little over £500. They thought that they had got a bargain, until they realised the engine had been taken out after they towed it home.
So, they set to work searching for the perfect engine to complement a true workhorse, this is when they came across the engine from a 2007 V8 Vantage engine from Aston Martin.
After fitting and restoring this monster machine they took it out for a spin, and it was only then that they realised that his was not just an offroad king, but also a true racer.
The team began to think, this ‘thing’ would get destroyed on the track, This is when they came across a competition called ‘One Last Hurrah’…
The Team
Corey Shird - The driver, only got his licence last year, says ‘it is the best thing that has happened to me’, has no life
Luke Prior - The geek, knows the ins and outs of any machine, your mind included
Sajed Gnedi - The strategist, has things going on in his head that nobody will ever understand
Lola the Dog - The Motivational support, needs occasional maintenance but keeps everyone happy
The Car
1982 Land Roamer Discoveree/Aston Martin Vantage/Bolero 4x4
What happens when you cross a Land Roamer Discoveree with a V8 Vantage engine?
The Bolero 4x4, a custom made monster which is a perfect all rounder for this competition!
Built for offroading, but modified for cross-country racing, and the economy is rather good considering its from an Aston Martin, and its modest weight and prebuilt ‘dog kennel’, you cant go wrong!
Present Day
Sajed - is this supposed to be hanging off like this?
Luke - God no, do you know what’s that is?
Sajed - I’m the brains, not the hands.
Luke - that is the intercooler!
Sajed - I guess that’s makes the car look cool?
Corey - what the hell are you two on about, either way I got the briefing.
(Everyone gets really serious)
Corey - Well, we don’t know de wae exactly, but we are starting in Quebec and we are off to the Deep South, maybe New Mexico or Texas. This leads me to think that an off-road car would be best, we need to hurry up fix that cooler thingy…
Luke - (interrupts) the intercooler
Sajed - but why do we want to make it cool?
Corey - Oh god…
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Mopey (on phone): Gran, I’ve had an email…we start in Canada!.. No, we don’t need granddad’s shotgun, elephant gun or his harpoon…Yes, I’m sure. 3,000 miles…yeah, twice the distance…Spanners reckons the HiWay will easily make it…No, I will not call him David…anyway Spanners tried to deactivate the cruise control but the car wouldn’t start afterwards so it’s back in its original state. OK see you soon.
Spanners: You didn’t ask about my visa!!!
Mopey: You didn’t get charged so it doesn’t matter.
Spanners: You sure?
Mopey: Did you go in front of a judge?
Spanners: No.
Mopey: Did you get a caution?
Spanners: No, just a 48 hour stay to “help me think over my recent life choices”.
Mopey: Well you’re fine then. Anyway, why are you so eager to go? You were less than happy when you had to go last time.
Spanners: I enjoyed the journey last time and I’ve never been to Canada. I’ve bought a stack of freeze-dried rations so we’ll have lots of food that takes up very little space.
Mopey: What does it taste like?
Spanners: Well it’s a cheap brand…so it tastes like…erm…it tastes better than starvation. In fact you could look at it until you don’t feel hungry any more.
Mopey: Like dwarf bread then?
Spanners: Huh?
Mopey: Dwarf bread…Discworld…Terry Pratchett?
Spanners: Disc what? Terry who?
Mopey: Nevermind (under breath) ya fekkin’ heathen!
Spanners: Whatever, here’s a list of stuff I need to you go and get.
6 Likes
Team “Mushroom Cloud” Operational HQ (Also known as Toni’s Shed)
She was house-sitting in Ottawa… convenient,no?
Exactly 3 weeks before today
Toni: Oooh, my head. I don’t think I should’ve had that las…hic… last one.
Wookiee: “You’ll be fine.” (Trips over the rando sleeping on the floor). “OI!”
Bill is too busy hurling into a bucket to have anything to say.
Plus 3 hours, much bacon and a home-brew or 2 each
Bill: “I still don’t know why that car is here. It looks like crap.”
Toni: "Did you have any cash last night? I think I saw you give some to… what was that guy’s name? "
Bill checks his wallet to find 275 missing. “Oh, man! Please, tell me I didn’t buy it.”
Wookiee: “Ha, Sucker! Jimmy got you! Wait, where’s MY wallet?”
Toni: “On the bar.”
Wookiee checks to find he’s missing 200, and a note saying YOU STILL OWE ME 20. “Shit, bro!”
They find the transfer papers all signed, up behind the passengers sun-visor. They are the “proud” owners of a 92 Godhap & Whent Wallis 2500. A quick inspection reveals:
No ignition lock… it’ll start with a butter knife.
4 mismatched tyres, at least the left two are roadworthy.
The front passenger seat belt is missing… as is the radio
There’s no battery… who sells a car and then takes the battery?!
But wait, what’s this…It’s got a 4G32 under the bonnet… and, is that a turbo?
Presenting… The Ticking Time Bomb of Team Mushroom Cloud
8 Likes
Team X/2000
So, its the run for the celebrating of a passing away of the famous KEE car design engine. Nothing so important for the son of a car designer Iman Kent. Iman Kent is waiting for the moment where he will enjoy his break away from school.
Iman Kent , 19, has always been a boring person at school,but atleast he gets good grades and good conduct.
Back to the story, Iman Kent wanted to try camping. But his father, Karmmen Fabian has other ideas. Karmmen has always wanted to go on a road trip with other people in his life.
Karmmen Fabian ,41, was always a wonder-and-ponder person. He always dreamed of the perfect road trip.
Iman: So, let me get this straight.You want me to go on a road trip with you in a project car?
Karmmen: Yes,I want us to bond together in a creative way.
Iman: Dont you think this would be dangerous?
Karmmen: Relaaaaaaaax! With my years of experience, we can make a wonderful car.
Iman: . . . . . . . . . . Fine! As long as i get something in return.
Karmmen: sheesh! can’t a father get a little love from his son.
Iman blushes
Iman: Stop dad! it feels weird.
3 months later
After months of sourcing parts for the project car and building it, it has come to life.
Fabian X/2000
The engine was an unknown 2.8L turbocharged I6, which was originally N/A but with the turbo it produced 292hp.
The body was an older kitcar model which was unnamed, which was weird considering how it was registered.
All the parts that were required to be assembled came with it, so everything was going in schedule and organized.
Iman: So dad,Why are you planning to do this run?
Karmmen: Well, really how do i put this…
Iman: What is it dad?
Karmmen: Well, i always wanted to run my company in the past. I knew i wanted to make my own cars and make money. But alas, financial issues have shot down my dreams like a gun.
Iman: So why do you still pursue it?
Karmmen: Because i know that one day, i will be known not as an ordinary man but someone who contributed to the world and i need a supporter who can help me finance this whole project.
Iman: . . . . . . . . . Dad
Karmmen: What?
Iman: I support all your plans and decisions. I want to help you so badly, I know you have so much potential to be one of the greats and I know you wont let me down.
Karmmen: Really?.. Son, I know you can’t help now. But if you really want to help me so badly, I will make you my co-creator of the company.
Iman: Thats great.
Karmmen: Now lets get to work, son.
And the mood was set, now everything was set for what will be the fate of a father and son in this grueling 3000 mile journey. Stay Tuned for more.....
7 Likes
Day 1 of Preparation
The Lincolnshire Yellowbellies set out on preparing the Bolero 4x4 for the competition.
Corey - So, assuming that Canada is going to be snowy, we need to pack snow equipment such a small shovels for when we get stuck, and snow chains for the wheels…
Sajed - Do we need ski’s?
Corey - No Saj, we don’t have time for stuff like that
Sajed - oh… (clearly disappointed)
Luke - So how are we going to deal with food?
Corey - well, assuming we don’t break down or get lost we need food for 3000 miles, a trip an average speed of 50 mph , we need… 60 hours worth of driving so we need to stop roughly 3 times , so 3 days of food.
Luke - that’s a lot
Sajed - especially with corey here
A few hours pass and all the food is packed, including a literal feast for Lola the dog. Corey has gone out to get a spare wheel and come see back instead with a crate of beer. The men get hammered, and attempt to work on the rover at midnight. Find out what happens to the truck tomorrow morning
5 Likes
OLH Day -2, Melbourne Australia
A nondescript office, Fitzroy, Melbourne, 09:00 AEST
After spending a few days leisurely packing for the trip to the USA, Pierre was sitting at his desk, drinking coffee. Pierre liked to relax before flying anywhere as he had a secret fear of flying and, therefore, he needed time to prep for the aluminium coffin ride in his near future. Just as he’d finished watching a weird 1940’s car design competition video on Youtube, Pierre was startled by the phone ringing; no-one rang him before lunch, ever!
P: “Uhhh, hello? Pierre speaking”
A: “Hey Pierre! It’s me, Andy! Get your shit together man, we gotta catch a plane in like, 2 hours!!!”
Pierre tried to reply but only an unintelligible grunt, followed by a spluttered cough, was able to leave his lips. Two hours!!! It takes at least that long to get through all the security!!! Pierre’s heart beat faster, what had gone wrong?
A: “Get a grip man! drink some more of that godawful coffee you like so much and meet me in the lobby ASAP and I’ll explain on the way!”
Pierre mumbled his assent, hung up the phone, wolfed down his coffee, grabbed his go bag and ran to the lift, stabbing the down button several times in his haste to get moving…
DING!!! The elevator doors opened and Pierre jumped inside (thankfully the elevator was empty) and force closed the doors with the appropriate button…
Cheery elevator music
Upon reaching the lobby, Pierre found Andrew and they rushed outside where Andy’s S12 Gazelle was sitting, idling, with an intern jammed in the back with their luggage.
A: “Get in!!!”
P: “What’s the intern for?”
A: “Really!?! With all that’s happening right now, you wanna know about the intern???”
P: “Well yeah, he doesn’t look very comfy back there…”
Some muted groans from the back seat may or may not have sounded like “It’s cool, there’s heaps of room back here!”
A: “Don’t worry about him, he’s taking my car back from the airport; parking is too damn expensive otherwise!”
P: “Fair enough, so what’s with the rush? Did you get the date wrong or something?”
Andrew is ducking and weaving through the traffic, barely making progress because Aussie spec S12’s are shit.
A: “Kyle contacted me yesterday, the start location for this race is in Quebec, Canada and is gonna, most likely, end in New Orleans! We have to catch an earlier flight because, to get it really cheap, we have to go via lots of carriers…”
P: “Oh no, what have you done! These airlines aren’t very safe, are they?”
A: “Depends on what you call safe… I’m not worried, personally, but they might have different rules than the usual carriers…”
P: “Who are they??? Tell me, tell me now!!! … Wait a minute, we’re not headed to the airport… Where are we headed, you ass!!!”
A: “Relax, relax… We’re flying via RAAF airlines! There’s a military exercise being conducted between Australia and Canada and we’re hitching a ride to save some cash!”
P: groans “Oh shit, we’re gonna get arrested as spies!!! I’m too young to die…”
Andrew lapses into silence as they drive out to the local RAAF base where, much to Pierre’s shock, they’re waved inside then allowed to drive onto the tarmac up to the gaping maw of the rear of a storm grey C-117 Globemaster. Once their luggage is stowed, the intrepid pair of reporters are seated together on a rear facing, fold down seat that is actually more comfy than most economy seats on your average airliner…
Sometime later at 50,000 feet
A: “See, it’s not so bad… Just relax and enjoy the taxpayer funded ride of a lifetime.”
P: “How is Kyle getting our car to Quebec?”
A: “Huh?”
P: Louder and slightly more frantic “The race car, ya bellend, how are we going to get to the start of the race?”
A: “Relax, all taken care of… It’s waiting for us at the Quebec RCAF airfield; I had the car shipped as proceeds of crime!”
P: " I have a really bad feeling about this…"
TO BE CONTINUED
8 Likes
Team Kent Croissants
The south-eastern brits are back again for another round of extensive driving across the United States in a car ‘worth’ 500 dollars.
Somewhere near Dorking, Surrey, England, Drizzle
The three guys got out of a dark blue, 2005 Erin Visto Mark 3 1.2, then walked up the driveway of a detached 3 bedroom house … with a garage.
The tallest of the three with light-ish brown half spiked up hair knocked on the door which was opened by a man of around 65 years old who ushered them towards the garage. He swung the garage door upwards to reveal a dark blue 1986 Ceder Ciervo. Old bicycles and assorted tat lined the sides of the garage. The man lifted a box was moved from the bonnet and the square of dustless paint left revealed how long the car had been sitting.
“400 quid? Cash” asked the tallest of the three putting his hand into his poket and removing a bunch of notes held together with a elastic band.
After negotiating a little bit with the man, who was the sort of person who knew he was never going to do anything with the car but was still dreaming of somehow fixing the car, they agreed on paying £402 for the car, for some reason the two made a difference.
“Space look at the space” said Jordan sprawling across the back seats basking in the expanse of of the rear.
“The sunroof works aswell and look at that steering wheel!” added Aaron sticking his spiky haired head through the opening in the roof after he finished ogling at the L shaped centre of the steering wheel.
“And leather it smells so … dusty and how could a dashboard be so square. It’s like a Rolls-Royce compared to the Friala” replied Damien feeling across the dashboard.
“V6 aswell it’s asthmatic but more than double the CC’s of the Friala, 5 gears on the floor, fuel injection, leather what more do you need.” said Aaron rather pleased with the reaction he was recieving. “I was looking for a Cidari but they’re going up in price massively now and they drink like a fish”
Aaron Robinson - the person with the mechanical know how in the group and will not stop the car even if it is belching, smoking or rattling unless he deems appropriate.
Damien Taylor - owns a MK3 Erin Visto and drives it suprisingly calmly and has now developed a competitive streak after spending hours over the past months on GT Sport.
Jordan Taylor - painted the decals on the Friala for Aaron’s spell in amatuer rallying and is still shaken up from when he was swayed into being co-driver for the season.
6 Likes