Also, fart jokes never get old. 
2 Likes
yes they do, my grandad is 83 
5 Likes
why am I laughing so much
3 Likes
Mike: We did it, we made it through the first stage!
Josh: yeah we did, and that was some pretty good fun too.
Mike: yeah it was, however the car is showing a few issues, were you noticing the valve body leak?
Josh: what’s that?
Mike: never mind, I’ll deal with it.
Josh: can duct tape fix it?
Mike: hopefully, i don’t feel like spending a lot of time or money on this car unless we really have to.
Josh: so lets hope the duct tape can hold whatever this issue is back
3 Likes
Team ‘Unfixed, Unfazed, Unbroken’
Things had not started well. The team barely arrived at the event the night before. Guided only the loud music and lights from the various camps. Then to top things off someone had forgotten to pack enough tents. As punishment for forgetting his tent, Daniel left with no choice but to sleep in the car he so resented.
Thankfully for the others, he chose not to destroy it in the darkness. The night past booze filled towards the first day of actual racing. Still, a little hungover and unacclimatised they had set off without issue.
Mitchell: Bloody hell, Sam you really gunned it down those straights. Y’know this ain’t a video game.
Sam: Mitch come on we’ve just put new rubber on this thing it feels like a whole new car. Besides I don’t want those blokes with the Seishido ute catch up to us.
Daniel: Y’know their driver is a chick right?
Sam: Well Dan that’s all the more reason to push things. I’m not losing to a girl!
Daniel: Well if we’d gotten a JDM car maaaybe you wouldn’t need to push at all.
Sam: Nothing has actually gone wrong with the Maesima you ought to give it some credit.
Daniel: You’re right clearly your just a rubbish driver.
Sam rolls his eyes and sighs
Sam: At least I didn’t forget my tent
Mitchell: Look, I’m just saying take it easy. It’s an old car, there is still plenty of racing to be done. Let’s try and keep it in one piece. I’d rather not be trying to do road repairs out here.
Sam: Yeah, yeah. But come on we f@ckin’ nailed it! We ought to bee looking up and treat ourselves to some beer.
Mitchell: On that, we can agree.
Daniel: How much beer do we actually have?
Mitchell: We got a couple of slabs in the boot. Otherwise, if things get dire we take on those pommy kids in the Erin. They seem to have a healthy supply.
Daniel: Pommy beer? Yuck!
Sam: Well there was another Aussie team here. They’ll sure to have some booze.
Daniel: Those are the DSD blokes, right?
Mitchell: Yeah, I don’t know about that mate. Their camp seems to be brawling already. Besides, I need an early night. My back is killing me, after that stage. These seats weren’t designed for off-road driving.
The team sat around the fire, BBQ’d some snags, drank long into the night. Much later as the fire had turned to embers and Mitch had gone to sleep while Sam had passed out half in his tent.
Dan stumbled towards the NV-993. The empty bottle still in his hand. He rested it on the bonnet.
Then gave the car a look. It’s tired body illuminated in the clear moonlit night. The dented, rusty and now dirt and dust covered. Dan smiled to himself. He lent down and gave the car a reassuring tap. Maybe they weren’t all bad after all.
He then stumbled for the door handle and climbed inside Maesima and went to bed. What shall the morrow bring…
7 Likes
#Team Cunning Stunts: Day 1, Leg 1
S=Stephanie
L=Lawrence
A=Alex
Start of Leg 1
L: Alright, were all packed up.
A: Ive made sure the water cooler is topped up so the engine shouldnt overheat.
S: Lawrence dear, have you go the map ready?
L: Yup, the map and the GPS are set.
A: Oi sis, our numbers been called! Lets go!
S: Alright, alright…jeez…
L: Great lets get going!
S: Lemme just put some music on…
End Of Leg 1
A: That was alright. No major issues.
L: Yeah I think we were on the right track there, so we shouldnt be too far back.
S: As nice as all that was, my legs are aching. Lawrence you drive next.
L: Sure honey. Alex, you’ll be navigating next.
A: Sure thing, you guys take a break. Ill check on the car…
Car Condition: Leg 1
Alex
So today wasn’t too bad. The ride was a bit bumpy, but it looks like the car handled it just fine. Today wasn’t particularly hot, so the inter-cooler didn’t lose much water. The suspension is also in good condition considering the rough terrain, but then again, the ‘Lucky Lady’ was designed to be a rally car, so I’m not surprised. The wheels are also holding out well. Looking at the other cars, they seem to doing fine too. Apparently from what I’ve heard, the Petroskey Enforcer’s been outpacing everyone. Steph ain’t surprised, she still insists that that would have been a better choice…
6 Likes
NOTE:My speech is in bold
Rams’s is in italic
#Team Yokai
Day 0
– Day 1 - 5:30 AM - Ram’s POV –
I pull on my shoes and tug on the laces. Stretching out and inhaling deeply, the crisp Gasmean air shoots up my nose into my lungs. Nothing to freshen you up like a good whiff of that. Not a bad time for a quick jog. I looked down watching my feet place themselves one in front of the other, carrying me up the gentle slope. I could see Evan still sleeping in the van. And there was the guy. What was his name again? Uhhh… I said to myself out loud, broken by pauses to catch my breath. Luke? Seemed like it. Whatever. Look forward and keep going. Ignore the team shouting at him. Ignore his stupid car waking you up. I pressed on.
– Day 1 - 7:00 AM - Evan’s POV –
Today, I woke up at around 7 o’clock in order to prepare for the long trip ahead. However, Ram was already awake and everything had been done.
Are you, like, okay? I’m barely able to stay awake and knowing you, you probably got 3 hours of sleep.
Don’t worry, I couldn’t be feeling better replied Ram with real enthusiasm. I woke up from the sound of some jackasses starting up their loud-ass car.
Whatever you say. If we die by falling off a cliff, though, I blame you.
You’re the Asian driver here he joked. I cursed him out under my breath. I could already tell it was going to be a long day. We headed to the briefing in order to secure details about the event.
– Day 1 - 7:30 AM –
When we pulled up to the briefing, we saw some faces with a mixture of expressions which ranged from perplexed to condescending. Nothing like yesterday night. Guess they were all too drunk? I heard murmurs when we walked to our car. I could’ve sworn Team Science Guys were saying something along the lines of “water damage… good luck to them, they’ll need it…” I glanced over at their car. Ram seems to have gotten the message too.
A Nickel 4 Spec? Those things are the definition of a land barge. I’m pretty sure the Arctos makes more power than that… I know a friend who’d thoroughly enjoy that car, but he’s a bit… Ram tapped his finger on the side of his temple, signaling “cuckoo.” Yeah, I know who you’re talking about. No need to hide it I quipped, chuckling.
Still, can’t believe somebody brought a classic Baltazar to an event like this. It really is quite a surprise. I wasn’t expecting somebody to… I wouldn’t say trash, but use a Quark in such a way.
Seems like we’re not the only ones who’re younger as well; their main driver just became the legal drinking age in 'Murica.
– Day 1 - 7:40 AM –
The briefing just ended, and I have to say it seems to be looking good for us. A flat, well-maintained dirt road? This is what the Kimura was made for; soft roading. The ground clearance seemed to be decent, so hopefully, it’ll hold up when obstacles come our way.
– Day 1, Leg 1 - 8:00 AM –
We set off from our journey at around 7:50 since we’re the last ones to leave. Hopefully, the route is as stated; smooth gravel. We’ve, as previously mentioned, stocked up on a bunch of shit, with 2 crates of water and a helluva lot of food. A first aid kit was also on hand along with many spare parts; duct tape, zip ties, and other actual spare parts to name a few. Ram and I decided to alternate driving; we’d switch every 2 hours or so. The Arctos pulled along with intent and determination with Ram and me inside, genuinely excited.
Damn, I’m really surprised how fun this car is.
I know, right? It might just be a van, but it’s really got some go. It was true; the Kimura whizzed around corners like a much smaller car. It’s like a budget WRX! I chortled. Whatever you want to believe, man…
I chuck the Arctos into the next tight corner with a mini Scandinavian flick. The car remains surprisingly flat, and I power out with a skid. Laughing with a sprinkling of terror ensues
I knew you were going to get us killed.
Ahhhh, don’t worry about it. I’m a professional! I jested with a flippant punch to Ram’s shoulder.
I have to say, the interior is actually not too bad. It’s dark and drab and the materials scream 90’s shit box, but everything is exactly where I want it to be and it’s rather smartly packaged as well.
What I like more is the engine. It might be a minivan but damn does it scream!
I responded with a downshift and a jab of the gas, surging the Arctos ahead on the smooth, gravel path. More laughing. Ah, shit, you know what I have to do?
What? Ram replies, deadpan.
Post some stuff on my Insta! Ram looks at me with a repulsed expression.
I didn’t know you’re a basic white bitch. I punched him again, only with a little more intent.
Shut up, I need the followers. I see Ram sigh and roll his eyes. Fine. I stop the car, take a few pictures, and then we continue the ascent.
– Day 1, Leg 1 - 9:36 AM –
A loud rattling noise began emanating from the rear right side of the car.
Oh, crap. I think I screwed up the car. Ram looked at me, at first with a dumbfounded face but quickly transitioning to unbelieving glee.
I told you that you’re going to fuck us up! said Ram, guffawing. I stared at him with a blank expression.
I cannot believe you’re laughing. I said solemnly.
Oh, c’mon, you could see it coming from the other side of the universe even if all you had was binoculars with lenses made of fucking jello. 100% predictable. Being serious, you did flick the car in every other corner. And, well, the route has a lot of fucking corners. I sighed in defeat.
Yeah, it probably was my fault. We have a few extra miscellaneous bolts in the back and a spare wheel so I think if it becomes a major problem we should be fine. In response, I slowed the car down a little, and the vibrations too slowed down.
I guess we’ll have to stay around this pace, then.
No, pull over. 10 minutes check up. Ram instructed me. Once we slowed down, he headed around to the side, pulled out a jack and put it under the car.
Anything broken?
Most of the drivetrain looks intact. I need to check if all the lug nuts are torqued down properly. While I’m working on this, go grab the spare bulbs in the overhead compartment, I just realized we forgot to check if all the lights are working. There might be no tech inspection but I don’t want either you or me or anyone, for that matter, dying.
While I grab the screwdriver and bulbs I had to turn to admire the landscape before us. The scenery was really something else. This was my first time in Gasmea, and the landscape is highly diverse around the country. Where we were, in particular, was sandy and desolate, and we could see around us for miles. Hopefully, we won’t have to leave this country with a bad taste in our mouths.
– Day 1, Leg 1 - At the destination - Ram’s POV –
Everyone alive? Intact? I asked, watching him from the corner of my eye.
Evan had drifted off to sleep in the warm summer heat. Added to his already high fatigue level after not sleeping well last night, though, I couldn’t blame him. He stirs.
Huh? It took him a moment to gather his bearings as he came to the realization that we had come to a stop. I pull off my seatbelt.
The GPS was programmed perfectly. If only that stupid wheel thing hadn’t happened… I trail off.
Oh well, we live and we learn I guess. Evan says, sliding out of his seat. We’re one of the last ones aren’t we?
I nod and shrug. Throw me a snack. I’m gonna go talk to that Luke guy.
Luke who? Evan said turning to rummage through the food box.
The twin turbo V8 lunatics. Sinistra.
Catching the pack midair, I slowly begin to walk away from our Kimura, weaving my way through all the cars and all the rubble left by other teams.
10 Likes
TEAM OUTRIDERS
Worden: Damn, we made some good time.
Levinstein: I’m still pissed that we didn’t catch anything from early on when it seemed to bog down a bit.
Worden: Or that it happened around the start and we haven’t seen it since. Much as I would love to believe it, no problem just simply “fixes itself”.
Levinstein: That aside the car handled like a dream. Definitely rides smoother than the cop version.
Worden: I think tomorrow, we should tone it down a bit. This is a competition of navigation more than speed, besides I am a bit worried that pushing too hard may make the problem worse.
Levinstein: Fine with me, it’s your turn to drive anyway.
Worden: (pops the hood) That being said, it’s dinner time. Today’s special: Burgers a-la 301 Triforce. (pulls foil-wrapped burgers out of the engine compartment.)
Levinstein: I’ve never cooked anything under the hood of a car before.
Worden: I did it a couple times with my old Cortino.
Levinstein: (grabs buns and condiments from the cooler) How’d that work out?
Worden: Tasted awful.
Levinstein: And that’s what we’re eating now?
Worden: Don’t worry, this car doesn’t have an oil leak like my Cortino did. That was the deciding factor.
7 Likes
[corporate]T R I G G G E R E R R E D E R E D ! ! ![/corporate]
Seriously though, I liked the story 
(note to the couple people saying “tomorrow”… reminder, this was just leg 1 of 11 in the first day. 10 more legs left in Day 1. Day 1 Leg 2 data will go up later tonight.)
6 Likes
The car slowly rolled to a stop. Agustus put the automatic in park just a bit before it reached zero miles an hour, causing the car to roll back and fourth. Nicholas leaned forward from the force in his seat, and groaned.
“Thank God it’s over…” He nearly fell out as he stepped out of the car. He slammed the door shut, but it bounced back. The plastic clip that kept the seatbelt in the car was broken. He manually put the seatbelt back in, then slammed the door again.
“Hey, I’m pretty sure we’re on schedule. Can’t blame my driving.” Augustus stepped out calmly, much to Steve and Nicholas’ annoyance. He’d downed three beers the night before, and ridden in their boat of a car. Surely he should be the one who felt seasick…
“It drives surprisingly well for 200 horsepower. I even might thought I caught a glimpse of those hobos in their van from the 40s…”
“You think it drives well? Try reading directions in this thing! It’s like playing darts on a cruise ship! And I think the automatic downshifted once throughout the entire journey!” Nicholas groaned as he stepped out, the ride making him a touch motion sick…
“You don’t think it’s broken?..” Steve leaned forward to examine the steering column where the automatic shiftier was mounted.
“Can it be broken if it was badly designed?” Nicholas remarked with annoyance, slamming his door shut.
“Jesus Nick, calm down. We did good.” Augustus sighed. “No need to throw a hissy fit because you got a little motion sick…”
Steve wormed his way over the center console and out the driver’s door.
“Yeah! Feels cool from the backseat!” He smiled, obnoxiously, like only a little brother can.
“…Well since you’re so energetic, you can look it over before the next round.” Agustus pulled the hood release lever. “Just let it get some air before the next leg. I’m going to see if they have any snacks around this checkpoint.”
“Oh… Not too bad of an idea.” Nicholas nodded, walking along with him, leaving poor Steve to glance over the engine bay.
6 Likes
#Team Parklands, Day 1
####That Morning, pre-breifing
“So, Mark’s still asleep? How did those fools with the Luxo-barge not wake him?” James said to Nicole, as they walked over to the breifing tent.
"Eh, Fucker will sleep through anything. We could probably tear our tent down, and he wouldn’t notice.
####Start of Leg One
“Mark, you have everything ready, right?” Nicole yelled over the noise of everyone else. She had barely slept, everything was getting on her nerves.
“Yes, Yes. Just hop in the back, and hope to hell James can get us through this.”
“Hey, I’m right here!” James said, “Cut your couple’s bickering. We have a long day ahead of us. 11 legs. This is what I’m here for…” James puts on the power, and sets off, the Parklands chugging along.
####End of Leg One
“Holy Fuck! We did it! No Damage, nothing!” James was ecstatic.
“I’d say it was luck, honestly. I mean, we broke down 4 or 5 times just getting to camp.” Mark was happy, but annoyed. Nicole had drifted off to sleep in the back seat.
“Hey, look. That Kimura… Wait… How did we not see they’re kids…”
“Huh, I’m surprised they’re even allowed to drive. What ever, We need to beat those fools in that bright blue convertable.”
“Oh, Nice goal.”
7 Likes
#Team Electric Space Wizards
“Whoa! Look out!” Aiden shouted as the Grandcab skirted a roadside hazard, in the form of a large tree.
Lynn was trying to powerslide the truck through the corners as if it was Rod Millen’s Tacoma, except that is a Pikes Peak monster machine, and her truck was a 27 year old Seishido.
“Huh, didn’t expect a tree to be so close to the road, that was scary, really scary.”
The old Seishido, despite it being a body on frame truck, was still relatively “lightweight”, and that allowed the questionably mantained 3.0 to give it adequate straight-line performance.
Joseph was desperately trying to take a selfie in the back seat, but his phone kept falling out of his hands. “Oh, come on! I have to post this! Please slow down a little!” he yelled.
“Maybe your phone wouldn’t fall off your hands if you wiped the sweat off them!” Connor replied, while trying to locate the phone in the grey sea that is the Grandcab’s interior.
“Got it!” Joseph triumphantly exclaimed as he retrieved his phone.
He managed to snap a single selfie, and it was later found out to be very blurry.
“Alright, we’re almost at the parking lot, i think i can see the other cars” Lynn said, with a hint of disappointment, as hooning the Grandcab was surprisingly fun, for a 160hp V6 truck.
“Looks like we made it in one piece, thank goodness.” Aiden said, letting out a sigh of relief. “I’m seriously worried about this car’s reliability, i think it only has 242000 miles for a reason, and we’re about to find out why.”
“Come on Aiden, i know you’re used to seeing cars owned by absolute idiots all day long, but it doesn’t look like it’s about to fall apart to me, let’s just enjoy this adventure while it works.” Connor replied.
“Hey look, the Kimura made it as well! And the huge van, and that Maesima, well everyone’s here.” Lynn said.
And so our heroes prepare for the next leg, hoping their car keeps performing as well as it did now.
8 Likes
##Team Cignale
Day 1 Leg 1
Car & Team
Day 0
-What is this noise?
-What time is it?
-6:50
-[censored] Who on earth get up this early? Are they mad?
-I think i’ll give up, i can get up, hangover is bad, really bad.
-I will never ever follow you again Giacomo, stupid idea, i want to sleep…
[this converation continued for several minutes]
3…2…1…Start
-This road don’t look so bad, and hee we can listen to the radio,this morning they run the first F1 race. FORZA FERRARI
Only 10 minutes later -Can you hear me? Can you hear me Major Tom?
-I can’t hear anything
-F**k, Vettel come into the pitlane, but now i can’t hear anymore, can you stop please? It’s important
The van stops…
-We need to gain some time in the flat sections, go Giacomino, Pedal to the metal.
-Look there, I think it’s the finish line, we did it. Time for a break.
Just after the finishline the guys stop the van and take the table out for breakfast, a big poster on the side: “FREE ITALIAN ESPRESSO” someone want to join them?
I promise you, before the end will also come the mafia, mandolin and pizza
9 Likes
#Team Clockwork Orange
Car and team details
Last post
Dawn broke and in the enlarged tent, two out of the three participants were already awake. Not that they could have any sleep. On the other sleeping bag, Pete slept soundly. Rather too soundly. The racket was more like a misfiring beetle than anything a person could muster. The two friends looked at each other and a shared thought came to their minds “At least, he will fix it if anything goes wrong”.
At 6, all three were up. Strong coffee was required to keep the guys running. Knowing how much of a hot head Damon could be, Packie calmed him down and explained time and time again how slow and steady would win the race - or at least allow them to finish it.
Race time, all supplies were loaded in the car, all three climbed aboard. And the little car looked punished by the effort. The already sporty and low ride height was made even worse by the added weight. “Take it easy, man”, Pete and Packie urged.
During the actual first section, the car, surprisingly, behaved flawlessly, not scraping even worse and it was even able to cope with a steep hill, despite the FWD (lack of) traction and just 100 hp. Therefore, the car was slow, as it would be, with all the attention required to get it actually going and the lack of offroad capabilities.
Things were shaping better than expected previously, but it was still going to be a long day.
7 Likes
Team Riot Uncontrol
Start of Leg 1
Paul :“Wow we managed to get here just with 10 min before the start”
Aaron:" Fixing the starter was never this stressful"
Paul : “If you only have a few hours it is”
Aaron “The important thing is that we are here”
Mid Leg:
Aaron : “You sure this is the right way ?”
Paul : “OF COURSE”
Aaron stares at Paul
Paul : “Maybe ? But i got an idea”
Aaron " Which is ?"
Paul " MOAR POWAH"
Paul gives the van more gas
A few minutes and a lot of bumps later :
Aaron : “Isn’t that team POD (@conan) ?”
Paul : “Look like it. Hey give me the mic”
Aaron hands over the mic
Aaron : “What is your plan?”
Paul switches the siren on and starts speaking through the megaphone:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIcGlwdpbu0
Paul : "Here speaks the police ! Please stop your car and show us your white flag! "
Later :
Paul “Look who we got here ! Team Mountain Pass (@HighOctaneLove) !”
Aaron " uuh uhh can i now use the siren"
Paul “Its all yours”
Aaron switches the siren on and starts speaking through the megaphone:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIcGlwdpbu0
“Get your groceries shopper on the side and let the LAW through”
Aaron “Fixing this first was totally worth it”
End of Leg 1:
Paul : “Damage Report”
Aaron : “Van runs and we where able to pass two teams”
Paul : “Sounds like a good run to me”
Paul and Aaron high-five each other.
5 Likes
Day 1 Leg 2 Data
Blackjack Pass to Canyon Rock via Forest Road 2710
The road on the far side of Blackjack Pass is not as heavily traveled, and difficult to maintain. The initial descent is very steep and heavily switchbacked, rutted, washboarded, with random rocks. Once it descends into the canyon it levels out for a bit, before turning to a steady, moderate descent. Potholes and washboarding pock the entire section.
Length 13; Avg Grade 7; Max Grade 20; grade is a decline (yes, you should be shitting bricks on this one)
Suzume Kaminari
LAE- DNF; MRL -5; Notes: CRITICAL FAILURE (Rusted rear shock towers have failed)
@cpufreak101
LAE Medium (fast); MRL -1; Notes: No issues with the car. Morale is a bonus due to overcoming big obstacle, but a negative for watching the Kaminari self-destruct.
@Madrias
LAE Medium (fast); MRL -3; Notes: Dangerous first section as the brakes couldn’t keep up with the descent. Diminished braking power, even after coming off the switchbacks.
@Fayeding_Spray
LAE Medium (slow); MRL 0; Notes: Had to stop briefly after the switchbacks (when it was safe) to remove a rock from RF caliper
@F17Francesco
LAE Medium (fast); MRL 0; Notes: Control going down the switchbacks could have been better, but held up otherwise.
@HighOctaneLove
LAE Exact; MRL +2; Notes: Driver really hit rhythm with the car on this section, despite its challenges
@conan
LAE High (fast); MRL 0; Notes: Confident about performance this leg, but the car smells of burning trans fluid
@DeusExMackia
LAE Medium (slow); MRL +1; Notes: None
@szafirowy01
LAE Medium (slow); MRL +1; Notes: None
@Mikonp7
LAE Medium (slow); MRL -2; Notes: There is a loud banging from the general undercarriage area, and the right front seems to be sitting about an inch low (tires OK, spring still attached)
@JohnWaldock
LAE High (fast); MRL +2; Notes: None
@8bs
LAE Low (slow); MRL +1; Notes: Prudence won out this leg. Intentionally slowed to keep on road and intact.
@DoctorNarfy
LAE Medium (slow); MRL +1; Notes: None
@BobLoblaw
LAE Exact (by pure accident); MRL -1; After a nasty washboard section in the switchbacks, the Enforcer immediately started misfiring and this time threw a CEL (or SES, your choice of verbage). On getting down to the “flats” and pulling over, your OBDII scanner reveals codes P0202 and P0208. You are able to continue on, but at diminished power, comfort, and reliability.
@stm316
LAE Low (slow); MRL 0; Notes: babying the clutch on the way down this hill cost significant time.
@Dorifto_Dorito
LAE - High (fast); MRL +1; Notes: None
@Leonardo9613
LAE - Medium (fast); MRL +1; Notes: None
@Darkshine5
LAE - Low (fast); MRL 0; Notes; Driver wasn’t paying attention to speed on the flats and went way too fast
@Rk38
LAE Low (slow); MRL -1; Notes: Slowed down on this section due to tire compound. It was still a VERY rough ride, bottomed out a couple times
@EnryGT5
LAE High (fast); MRL +1; Notes: This is what the Seishido was built for.
@titleguy1 / @ramthecowy
LAE Exact; MRL +2; Notes: Not bad, for two kids!
Team Greasy Lightning
“Christ, Fuzz. How did you stand this on the way up the mountain?” Rick grunted.
The Suzume Kaminari rattled and jolted over another section of washboard road. Rick could feel each bump jarring his skull.
“I think this is a little worse,” the rookie cop replied, a hint of panic in his voice. “I think I’d rather be a sardine again. It feels safer than… WHOA! JEN!”
Jen swiftly arced the wheel to the right and tapped the throttle, bringing the hatchback around a blind corner spitting rocks and dirt.
“Jeez! Are you trying to kill us? Dad will be pissed.”
“Trying to stay out of the center,” she snapped. “It’s worse there.”
“Look!” Rick exclaimed, pointing just down the hill to the left. “It’s about to flatten out. Should make things easier.”
“One more turn until we’re clear, Jen,” Fuzz pipped. “C’mon!”
The lithe fitness instructor downshifted and wheeled to the left. The car complied, though with a loud creak. Ahead the grade flattened considerably.
Fuzz grinned. “Whew. Nice job Je…”
BANG
“SON OF A BITCH” Rick screamed. The Suzume immediately jerked right and lost speed, slamming all of the occupants into the myriad interior pieces that were in front of them. Jen recovered quickly and pulled the car left, skidding in a panic stop.
Rick’s heart raced. He clutched at his chest, unsure if he was still alive. “What was that?”
“I dunno,” Fuzz replied cautiously. They exchanged glances. Fuzz slammed his body into the sticky passenger door to open it. He stood up and looked back. “Uh, guys?”
Rick looked back as well. From his vantage point in the back seat, he could see the road. Through the rear shock towers. Or at least what was left of them. Jagged bits of corroded steel curled inward. The shocks themselves were prodtruding at least four inches into the interior.
Jen sighed heavily. “Guess we’re not going to make it.” She picked up the FRS radio and clicked the transmit button. “Sid? You there?”
*** — *** — *** —
The undercarriage of the Kaminari made a sick screech as Sid’s winch pulled it onto the flatbed trailer. Rick sighed and looked at his right hand at the bottle of 12 year old Scotch that he clutched.
“C’mon, dude,” Fuzz pled. “I know you wanted to open that and celebrate at the end. I know this isn’t the end you wanted, but crack it open.”
“No,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Nothing to celebrate.”
Jen sidled up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Yes there is, love. You took the plunge and bought the car. You helped us fix it up. You came out here. YOU did it. We know this isn’t your kind of thing, and that you’ve had anxiety the whole time. But you know what? You did it. And it wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Rick paused to think for a minute. “I did have fun fixing up the car, I guess.”
Fuzz joined in. "And the way you handled that first leg was awesome. I know I bitched a lot from the back seat, but I had a lot of fun. And you know what? You were too. You were smiling the whole way.
After a moment, Rick cracked a slight smile. “You’re right. I guess this is a win, even if we’re the first ones out.” He peeled the seal off of the bottle and slipped the cork out. With one more sigh, he raised the bottle to the dead Suzume. “To Roulette. To fun and life. Thank you for your service, my friend, however brief.” He took a sip of the smooth whiskey, then handed the bottle to his brother in law. The sentiment was repeated again, and once more when Jen took possession of the spirits.
“Come on, guys. Let’s go home.”
12 Likes
Mike: phew, that was challenging
Josh: Yeah, saw you struggling a bit in the steep descents, carrying a bit much speed.
Mike: Yeah man, surprised myself that the brakes held up well throughout all that… and it was also a bit fast for comfort.
Josh: I’m guessing you were trying to do some engine braking to spare the lives of the brakes?
Mike: mhm, though we were also going faster than i should have…
Josh: no matter though, we did make it. Also you see that car that died?
Mike: Yeah, heard something in the rear suspension failed, i thought the tires looked a bit off when we saw it.
Josh: It really puts into perspective just how punishing this course really is.
Mike: well, at least we have a Communitasia you know, the brick that was built as tough as one
Josh: but don’t forget, even bricks crumble with age…
Mike: …
6 Likes
Day One: Leg 2
Andrew
For the next leg I got the driving gig. Officially Pierre is stating that it’s the egalitarian thing to do, but I suspect it’s the politics of fear! This leg is to be run on a poorly maintained gravel descent which will test both man and machine. Pierre and I work out what average speed we need to run and I put on my driving gloves and dark glasses and strap myself into the diminutive Bogliq’s cabin. The run proves to be every bit as nerve-wracking as we anticipated, with nasty bumps, off-camber sections and washboards all conspiring to make life difficult and finding the best line damn near impossible! Our calculations proved correct and we managed to reach the finish on time and in one piece. I’m just glad that those Bogliq engineers designed the Kitten Ralleye for off-road as well as tarmac rallies…
Pierre
I’d already looked over the likely routes from Blackjack Pass and the pickings sure were slim. Steep descents, poor road maintenance and looong drop-offs if it all went pear shaped. Luckily, since I’m team captain, I mumbled something about being of the people and for the people and let Andrew drive. I dunno where he got those Top Gun knock-off sunnies or those hokey driving gloves from, but when he put 'em on it made him squish his face up like he needed to do no. 2’s or something! But one thing’s for sure; Andrew’s a deft hand behind the wheel! I felt like I was the fuel station owner in Initial D, holding on for dear life, as Bunta drifted like a man possessed… But I digress. Andrew managed to nail the run spot-on and we had managed to survive another leg of this crazy endeavour! Oh and the Bogliq was turning out to be a reliable part of the team, taking all that was thrown at it without complaint.
Summary
Day 1.2
Car: No damage to report, very blue in colour
Crew: We just went through the Danger Zone, feelin’ fine MRL +2 (+4 in total, maybe…)
7 Likes
##Team Cignale
Day 1 Leg 2
Day 1 Leg 1
Day 0
Car & Team
-Still alive?
-Yes
-Now?
-I’m ok, but you will be dead in a minute if you continue!
-This hairpins scare me, i can’t look!
-Can you please slow down? This van lean too much, we are going to roll over! And we are ahead of schedule.
-Ok, ok… but please shut up.
5 Likes