Shitbox Rally 2023 - Stage 0

Spy Kids Return to Aetherii

Is that an old SUV? Yes!
Is that a bunch of university students with vast wealth of questionable provenance? Yes!

You know what that means? It’s Shitbox Rally time!

The Personnel

Driver: Jessica Lombaerts

Age: 19

Appearance: 170cm tall, dirty blonde/brunette hair, dresses exclusively for the beach, skate park, or nightclub.

Description: Half-Dutch, half mad. Her main job is to drive fast, and her car collection reflects that. Her other job is to smoke enough weed to asphyxiate an entire country, and as a result half of the colour and texture in her hair is actually hashish. Is also a hip hop dancer.

Vehicles: BMW M3 (E92), Suzuki Hayabusa, Pagani Zonda F Roadster, Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio

Navigator: Alexis Ahaual

Age: 24

Appearance: 155cm, black hair with highlights of varying colours, guerilla uniforms or traditional Mayan or Oto-Manguean dress.

Description: They/them. Fervent Zapatista, even more fervent drum and bass enthusiast. Can speak nine languages, of which five are only spoken in Mexico and Guatemala. Learnt French solely to learn L’Internationale; learnt Russian solely to learn the Soviet anthem. Also an accomplished weed smoker, but prefers mate de coca.

Vehicles: Toyota Landcruiser, Toyota Hilux, KTM 690 Enduro

Mechanic: Shay Hirvonen

Age: 18

Appearance: 160cm, blonde hair, wears cottage-core outfits, winter sweaters, or androgynous clothes.

Description: Soft and cuddly on the outside, sharp and devious on the inside. Is better with her hands than anyone else on the team, and probably anyone else this side of the Olympics. When she’s not in soft-core mode, she will step on you, and you will like it. Can also shoot better than Alexis despite not being a committed militant.

Vehicles: Jaguar E-Type, Mercedes-Maybach S650 (with upgrades), VW Kombi (with upgrades), Bugatti Chiron

Liaison: Lazar Kandyba

Age: 24

Appearance: 167cm, black hair, black beard, 80% normal clothes, 20% Soviet wear and Slav Squat tracksuits.

Description: Ukrainian, Khrushchevist, anti Stalin, anti modern Russia. Much vodka consumption, almost as much sunflower seed consumption. Switched from tobacco to cannabis to alleviate lung problems actually caused by living in Donetsk. Can haggle his way out of a Rolls-Royce dealership. Knows Krav Maga, Muay Thai, and AK47.

Vehicles (all upgraded): Lada Niva, Nissan Stagea, Mitsubishi Evo VIII, Volvo 850 Estate

Second Driver: Laura Kamenev

Age: 19

Appearance: 163cm, dark brown hair, dresses like an architect

Description: The bad cop to Shay’s good cop, she has no softcore mode and will just step on you. Resident piano player and yerba mate addict. (No, that one doesn’t have cocaine.) Is banned from eleven countries for political reasons, and will also not set foot in Northern Arkansas or Hungary.

Vehicles: Mercedes E63 S Wagon, Porsche 911 Turbo S

Muscle: Giorgi Ingorokva

Age: 23

Appearance: 191cm, green hair, boiler suits or designer fashion

Description: Amateur rugby player, professional flaming homosexual, wannabe rockstar. Runs a garage in Liverpool and a clothing store next door, though his residence is of uncertain legality. Played three matches for London Scottish.

Vehicles: Jaguar XJS, Audi TT RS Roadster, Subaru Outback (with upgrades)

The Car

This time, the big hulk came out of a factory on the capitalist side of the Iron Curtain, located in Ireland. The Mocabey Pioneer XL is a nearly sixty year old piece of machinery, but was very capable in its prime. Locking front and rear with a two speed transfer case, it would take a family of six over some seriously tough terrain, and with 250bhp in fuel injected guise the gargantuan 6.7L straight six would let the Pioneer keep up with the fastest of traffic anywhere but the Autobahn.

But of course, a stock vehicle with half a century of wear just won’t do for this team. From its previous home in Angola, Lazar shipped it over to Giorgi’s shop in Liverpool, where Giorgi, Shay, and Shay’s mad scientist friend Petra went to work on it.

On the handling side, the old springs were replaced with air suspension, paired with adaptive dampers and a disconnecting rear sway bar, and the brakes were upgraded to vented units all round, and with six pistons on the front. The driveline was overhauled, with the locking differentials and transfer case deemed unnecessary and replaced with Torsens and the old automatic replaced with a custom ZF 8HP. The interior was just as spectacular a replacement as with the Elbrus, with six massaging leather seats and Bluetooth everything.

But it’s the engine where the true witchcraft lies. Petra and Shay weren’t going to stop with forged internals, VVT, and independent throttle bodies. No, they stuck a giant turbo on it. 86mm of forced induction and variable geometry, sending 0.85 bar into those six throttle bodies. And then the girls drilled into the iron head and stuck a fuel rail and some direct injectors inside. The result? 500bhp, 800 lb-ft, and 5.2s to 100km/h. Lets see what shenanigans the Spy Kids get into with what is now a 250km/h SUV.

The “Support” Vehicle

New for Shitbox Rally 2023 is support vehicles! And it doesn’t even need to do any actual support! Of course, the Spy Kids need room for bedding and creature comforts in the Pioneer, so most of the larger spare parts will be carried in a box van, and that box van is a Reekayns B210, driven by a crew Jessica hired via Instagram. A nominally American car that was actually built in a third world sweatshop, it originally had a wheezy 2.1L engine that produced all of 55bhp.

Of course, that engine was broken, so they went shopping for a new one at the junkyard. The scrap dealer claimed it was an old plane engine, and the instantly allured shoppers took it. Unfortunately, it’s a plane engine from 1980, and it’s a 4.8L inline four. Anyway, they wedged the engine into the van, stuck on an exhaust they also found at the junkyard that kind of fit, and attached a carburetor on top. The result? 72bhp. Absolutely piss poor, even for an engine that only produced 90-ish bhp when new. The good news is that, being twice the size of the old engine, it produced twice as much torque.

Other features on the van include solid axles at both ends to eliminate any ride comfort, 4x4 with two speed transfer case to assure adventurous delivery drivers they can make it up the dirt driveway to their destination, open differentials to squander the off road potential of said transfer case, a three speed automatic to make driving as lazy as possible, and a bench seat in the cargo box for when a delivery requires more than three people.

The Hired Schmucks Van Crew

Driver: Tracey Maxou

Age: 46

Description: Soccer mum and also dance mum, with all the road rage and Instagram usage that represents. Only thing stopping her from tailgating everything in sight is the physical inability of the Reekayns to keep up with traffic.

Cars: Chrysler Voyager, Alfa Romeo Stelvio Quadrifoglio

Navigator: Magnolia Coleman

Age: 23

Description: AM talk radio host, thinks challenging someone to a debate is an acceptable way of meeting someone, finds most public bathrooms unacceptably dirty. Is being kept on a tight leash by Tracey.

Cars: Kia Soul

Mechanic: Kiel Shamble

Age: 42

Description: Mormon Youtuber with four kids, owns two pyramid schemes network marketing companies and a procurement fraud business. Wife runs a swimsuit store. Insists his name is pronounced like it’s spelt Kyle.

Cars: Chevy Silverado, Dodge Challenger Hellcat

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Team Sane Insanity
The one team that doesn’t know why they are here, but brought 2 cars anyways.

Members
Raymond Li
Age: 27
Notable Achievements/Qualities: Bored accountant, regularly does autocross, never crashed a car yet (emphasis on the yet)
Cars: 2019 Volvo V90, 2008 BMW M5
Nathan Wang
Age: 29
Notable Achievements/Qualities: Engineer, little interest in aesthetics, hates off roading
Cars: 2005 VW Jetta Ute, Factory Five GTM
Andrew Park:
Age: 26
Notable Achievements/Qualities: “Freelance Software Researcher”, crashed multiple cars
Car: 2008 Audi RS4

Cars:
2007 KKR S2
Mid-engined, RWD, convertible kit car, powered by an underpowered 2.1L I4. Clearly the best possible choice for roads involving snow. Appalling choice of wrap by the previous owner, plus tacky stylistic choices. At least it is sort of fast, and gets you from A-B. Until you break your back on the poorly paved roads or crash the car, and break your back.
Screenshot 2023-03-19 102856

2009 Roadmaster Voyage
A hopelessly slow minivan that might get to 100 mph downhill, with a 0-60 time of “still accelerating.” However, it is nicely equipped, with the extremely useful SatNav, a leather trimmed interior, and heated seats. It also has AWD and offroad tires.
Screenshot 2023-03-19 102940

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Disregard this. I’m clearly not all the way awake at this point.

TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS

PART 0.3 - PROLOGUE

Earlier parts

Pre-prologue part 1

Pre-prologue part 2

Prologue part 0.1

Prologue part 0.15 - Interlude

Prologue part 0.2

20th of March 2023

The Sanju had been undergoing some rather interesting modifications the last days. Mostly, related to the camper interior Janne was fabricating for it.

“Isn’t that only random junk you threw in from the dump?”, Andreas asked.
“Yes”, Janne said.
“Is it even secured properly?”, he continued.
“Barely. With careful driving it should hold up…I guess.”
“And the ceiling fan? WHY?”, Andreas said with a sigh.
“What if it gets hot?”, Janne said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Great. We’re all going to be decapitated.”, Andreas said. “Not that it would matter with Marie anyway, at least not regarding IQ.”
“True.”
“And…oh no…The fucking CRT TV. WHY? Don’t you remember last year? There wasn’t even any radio broadcasting. Do you really think they have TV broadcasting then?”
“Do you remember this one?”, Janne asked Andreas, pointing at a videogame console under the TV set.

“Yeah…You and my brother always used to play that in the 90s. I remember thinking it was ancient already by then. That you should have gotten a Super NES like everyone else.”
“We didn’t have this cartridge”, Janne said, and held up a cartridge marked with “PROTOTYPE CART TOP SECRET” written on a piece of masking tape.
“What the….where did you get that?”
“Oh…in a box full of electrical junk I once bought”, Janne said. “The Salem 3700 was nothing but an Atari 2600 clone, made by Sanju’s consumer electronics division. At least they said so. I could not keep myself from doing a ROM dump here, and disassembling the source code, there is no way this cartridge would have worked on a 2600.”
“Like I understand anything of that? Why wouldn’t it work?”, Andreas asked.
“Simple. The 3700 has a hidden expansion port. It was never used for anything, at least that’s common knowledge. However, this cartridge is made for a system expansion, that ALSO happened to be in that box. But it will start without one. As long as you connect this cable, also in the box…”

In one of the joystick ports, he connected the cable. Then he popped up the hood of the rugger, and connected the other end to a connector at the ECU for the electronic ignition.

“Start up the TV now, and then the console”, he told Andreas.

The TV screen flashed red three times, then this text passed by
“IP DIAGNOSIS….VERSION 0.8 BETA….NOT INTENDED FOR SELLING….COPYRIGHT 1988 SALEM….MADE IN ARIYA”

“So, they had an idea to use the console for a diagnosis program?”, Andreas asked a bit confused.

“One can think so. Press the joystick button.”

When Andreas pressed the button, the screen flashed green, infinitely.

“That means OK, now watch me to disconnect this temp sensor from the electronic carb, and press the joystick button…”

The screen flashed red five times. “Yup, this means “temp sensor, circuit broken”, Janne said.

“This is actually pretty cool. Are we going to use it for troubleshooting on the Rugger?”, Andreas asked.

“Maybe. But before leaving, I will briefly connect the expansion module, and that…will turn the console into something else.”

Next part

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23 Hours and 38 minutes remain for Submissions

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And so, the goofy goobers set thier lead feet on a one way trip to Vegas

(the fun didn’t last long)

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:ribbon: TEAM FRIENDSHIP! :D :ribbon:

Character Explanation

(Don’t have time to roleplay their entry/arrival, so I’ll just explain the characters.)

Team Friendship! :D is a pair of ever-cheery :star2: anthropomorphic cars :star2:, whose only goal is to be your friend! :tada: With the unshakable joy of a small puppy :blue_heart:, and the emotional depth & attitude of a NickJr character :rainbow:, these docile little microcars are ready to take on any challenge with the power of friendship, persistence, and :tulip: their :cherry_blossom: unshakable :hibiscus: positivity! :sunny:

The car bus:
A 1989 Bazard E-Series bus; though, at least in the interior, it’s barely recognizable, having been turned into an RV for cars! :confetti_ball: it’s modifications include: controls specifically designed to be operated by a car, a retractable garage/ramp for entry and exit, an in-depth radio/speaker system (which is almost always playing super-cheery, kidz-bop-esque music :microphone:), and individual sleeping quarters for each car.

The exterior of the bus has been deliberately left undecorated, because they plan to search for decorative materials as they travel, and build a beautiful :art: collage :art: of their trip by the end of the rally!

Riley :yellow_heart:

Full Model: Yellow 1949 Bazard Rikkett (IRL counterpart: Crosley CD-Four).

The Navigator of the group, Riley is the music lover of the group :musical_note:, and the one responsible for all the speakers on the outside of the bus :loud_sound: (and the massive collection of CD’s in the cabin). As well as her own internal CD player, she’s been fitted with a modernized engine and some offroading equipment, that makes her actually pretty capable on a hard dirt trail on her own. :+1:

Freddie :green_heart:

Full Model: Green 1973 Aero Free (IRL counterpart: Peel P50).

The Driver of the group, Freddie is a bit more into visual arts :art: than audio, though he still enjoys the music! :notes: In addition to driving, he’s the one with plans to decorate the bus as they go along. :gem: He also has some similar modifications to Riley; while not much of an offroader, his improved engine is capable of some shockingly impressive fuel economy.


Other OOC notes to help explain how this team works (will be kept updated as a reference):
  • To clarify how they move/express themselves with others: the characters don’t have any visual “mouths” or “eyes” (though the “face” coincidentally made by their grilles/lights is usually an accurate representation of their emotions). The only physical/mechanical difference between these guys and a non-sentient car is their suspensions, which move dynamically like in the cars universe (so they can nod, “look around,” and otherwise express with movement).

  • They do talk aloud, and as they do their headlights flash on/off in sync; they will also maneuver/adjust their suspension to “look at” who they’re talking to. Their voices are very high-pitched, (though not enough so to be intrinsically annoying), and have a very childish, whimsical tone. Between the 2, Freddie’s is slightly higher-pitched than Riley’s, reflecting their size.

  • On pronouns/gender: while they do have preferred pronouns- “she/her” for Riley and “he/him” for Freddie -they are still cars, and therefore completely (intrinsically) androgynous & aeroace. By extension, they’re also good with “it/its,” which is what most people they meet assume anyway.

  • After I submitted, the hosts informed me about an event from SR22 which will strongly (and negatively) impact how their characters may view mine. To clarify, my anthropomorphic cars have no relation to or knowledge of it, and I won’t be referencing it on my own any further; but if some of the host’s characters seem to be treating mine unfairly harshly, that’s the reason, and I’ve already confirmed I’m good with it.

  • I promise, any resemblance to any other brightly-colored speaker-covered busses in this challenge is entirely unintended.

  • The question of how or why these 2 cars came to be anthropomorphic will never be answered or addressed. And actually, this team is going to require a lot of further handwaving throughout this challenge to make work, so as not to make life harder for the rally’s hosts.

  • My team’s name contains an emoticon, which isn’t straightforward to write on the forums; because whenever you put together an emoticon simply, the site automatically replaces it with the equivalent emoji. To write the emoticon itself, place an invalid formatting tag between the colon and the rest of the emoticon (for example:" :<g>) " becomes " :) " )

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Team Sane Insanity
Part 0.1 Vehicle Acquisition Specialists Don’t Seem to Exist

How and why our team members, close friends from high school and college, decided to join SR2023 is unknown, but they had signed up, paid their dues, and arranged travel to LA, and took time off of work to participate in the rally. Now they had to acquire the first car. Since Nathan was the only person physically in LA, it was decided that he was to purchase the cars. After much craigslist shopping, he found a stalled kit car project, a KKR S2. It lacked a powertrain, and parts availability was nonexistent since the company went bankrupt. This particular example had been wrapped to look like it was made out of gold. However for a few hundred bucks, this mid-engined convertible was an absolute steal. He bought it immediately, rented a truck, and took it home. He then sourced an abused Roadmaster Magnesium, giving the KKR an engine. After a few weeks of wrenching with friends (whose identities don’t matter as they will not be participating in SR2023), the KKR was finished. All that was left was to reveal the finished product.

“See, it’s perfect!” stated Nathan, proudly showing off his purchasing decisions on a Zoom call.
Neither Raymond nor Andrew could formulate an intelligent response.
“Uh, what’s the matter?”
At this point, Andrew was completely furious at Nathan’s total oblivion at the KKR’s clear issues.
“You thought it would be a good idea to bring a fiberglass and metal parts car to a rally?”
Nathan, of course, had to go on the defensive. “It’s lightweight and a fun convertible! What could possibly go wrong? It’s basically an 037, which was a great rally car.”
“It isn’t an off roader or a Lancia! Who knows what roads we will face? And it looks like there is no interior in the car at all, aside from some seats and a steering wheel. This race will be miserable.”
“You clearly don’t see my brilliance in picking this car.”
“What about snow? We will freeze to death.”
“Snow chains and warm clothing.”
“And the paint job?”
“That was not my idea, blame the previous owner.”
At this point, it was clear that this argument was going nowhere. Raymond felt compelled to interject.
“Can I present a motion to ban Nathan from buying the second car?”
In a 2-0 vote (democracy is great at times), Nathan was banned from buying the second car.

For the second car, Andrew nominated himself to purchase it. However, he had to drive down to LA in a few days to rendezvous with Nathan and Raymond, so he was very desperate. The first round of craigslist was filled with scams, bad cars, and deals that fell through. Autotempest and Autotrader also provided few leads. With days left, he had no choice but to go to the nearest auto mall and ask for any car under 2000 dollars. Most of the options were ill-fit for the rally. Eventually, he arrived at a car dealership filled with generic Nissan sedans, a large selection of GM SUVs, and the entire Infiniti lineup. However, in the back, there were a few older and cheaper options, including obviously, the Roadmaster Voyage. He walked in, and got the Roadmaster for a little under $1400. He immediately packed his stuff and drove the car down to LA. Team Sane Insanity met up at Nathan’s house to see the new purchase and get it ready for the race.
“A Voyage? Does it have a salvage title?” asked Raymond.
“Clean title of course, what are you thinking?” respond Andrew, slightly miffed at the assumption
“How exactly is this possible? You did pay under 2K, right?”
“Yes, of course.” Andrew was getting annoyed at Raymond’s assumption that he could not do basic math.
However, while Andrew and Raymond questioned the legitimacy of the sale, Nathan dug through the glove compartment and found the bill of sale, which was in actuality a rental contract. Now it was Nathan’s turn to have a shouting match at Andrew.
“You didn’t buy this car at all! It is a rental car. We can’t even dare scratch this car, lest we want to file for bankruptcy.”
“I did not rent the Voyage” shouted Andrew, storming over “You see, clearly I bought it — Oh.”
“How are we going to modify this car, let alone drive this for 5000 miles over questionable terrain and likely damage it?!?”
“We can hide the damage with spray paint.”
“That’s not the point. This will be impossible to compete with!”
Again, Raymond had to interject in the pointless argument
“Stop, we have no time. Lets just throw on some skid plates and new tires and hope for the best. Let’s also bring some stuff to do some bodywork repairs to hide the damage on the rally. Also, we should fabricate some documentation. But, Andrew, you are truly an idiot.”
And so, Andrew went off to “design” the documentation to claim he bought the car from his mom, hence the good deal, while Nathan and Raymond went off to find some wheels and tires and make a crude skid plate. After a few additional days of wrenching, the cars were ready. The team headed out to Nevada to go to the rally start line, and do some shopping as there sales tax is lower.

3 Likes

Team Taciturn, Ep. 2: Landing!

Previous post

Touchdown!
Great!
Relieved.
Where?
Woodland.
Town?
Prince George. The alien who in his human disguise went by Curt, looked at a map of their surroundings on a nearby computer screen in their spaceship.
Cloaking! The other alien who went by the name of Cal pressed a combination of buttons.
Curt only nodded.
Distance?
Four kilometers. Another look at the map display.
Next?
Car!
Preparations?
Money.
Cal went to a nearby computer station and pressed another combination of buttons.
It looks like you are trying to replicate some local currency? Would you like some help? That was the computer.
Yes!
Do you want Canadian dollars? The computer again.
Yes!
How much do you want to replicate?
Cal and Curt exchanged unsure glances. Much!
Would 500 dollars be enough?
Another exchange of unsure glances. Yes!
After a short while, Call and Curt grabbed the money from an open port.
Next?
Clothing!
The computer presented a set of clothing options suitable for the area and both indicated their preferences. Two sets of stereotypical lumberjack clothing appeared. Cal and Curt grabbed the clothing as well, went to change their outfits and then started their trek on foot towards the Canadian town of Prince George, British Columbia.

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SUBMISSIONS WINDOW HAS CLOSED; NO FURTHER ENTRIES ARE BEING ACCEPTED!

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Team Sane Insanity
Part 0.2 You Have Not Arrived At Your Destination

After a brief shopping trip in Vegas, where Team Sane Insanity loaded up food, tools, parts, sheet metal, bondo, spray paint, and other important supplies, the team headed off to the start point. The Voyage was equipped with RoadMastery, Roadmaster’s navigation system, so against all better judgment, Raymond insisted that the team should use the RoadMastery over a more competent app. The team inputted the coordinates and set off. Once they were nearing their destination, the RoadMastery, had some important instructions for the team to follow

“At the next intersection, turn right”
The convoy turned right
“Recalculating”
“At the next intersection, make a U-turn”
The convoy followed the navigation’s instructions and made a U-turn
“At the next intersection, turn left”
The convoy turned left
“Recalculating”
“At the next intersection, make a U-turn”
Again, same drill
“At the next intersection, turn right”
“Recalculating”
“At the next intersection, make a U-turn”
“At the next intersection, turn left”
“Recalculating”

After following these very nonsensical instructions multiple times for at least half an hour, Nathan, who was following in the KKR, noticed that they were going in circles, and attempted to call the others over a poor connection. Eventually, the team pulled over to consult Google maps. After a long wait for the app to load, it was determined that the gravel track that they needed to follow was not in the RoadMastery system, and as such, the car was extremely unhelpful and could not provide coherent instructions. They also discovered that they were extremely close to camp, and therefore, anyone who bothered to look could watch in great amusement at Team Sane Insanity inability to arrive at the start line. Eventually the team pulled into camp at 14:47, extremely tired after this whole affair.
“You have arrived at your destination” chirped the ever-helpful RoadMastery
“It would have been nice to be told that a few hours ago” complained Raymond
“No need to be salty at your own idea” snapped Andrew.

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Team Not-So Slow
Chapter 1, Part 2- This might be our route!

(rusty yet again cause i havent done this in 2 weeks)

Meanwhile after completing the whip just about a week or two ago, Matt gets the car started and then Izzy gets in, after checking that the car is roadworthy and has the things we need like a jump-starter, a shopping bag or two worth of food, etc. Technically rations at this point.

the turn-signal stalk has been broken off, but that’s easily gone over. A bit dangerous, but surely there’s other ways of letting people know we are indicating. “That’s not much of a loss, is it?” Matt says to himself as he checks the car like an MOT tester, except in a lot less stringent manner than one. And more-so that it doesn’t kill someone. Izzy then replies with “It’s fine, don’t worry about it, we’ll live”.

Some time later, we eventually get directions to the venue, and go there, on an empty stretch of road, Matt floors it for a few seconds to get a feel of the acceleration. And then the driving goes from there. Making sure we aren’t lost, Izzy goes and checks the mapping route

(dialogue time)
Matt: You know, this car isn’t that bad of a choice after all, It drives nicely for the most part, it’s not gonna win any awards, but at least it passes scrutineering, i hope.

Izzy: Don’t get too excited, it’s a front wheel drive car, don’t complain to me when you understeer into a tree- After all, i don’t think that’s bound to happen with someone like you.

Matt: True, besides, we should be there soon, check and make sure we haven’t fucked up the route?

Izzy checks the maps to make sure we’re indeed driving on the correct roads

Izzy: Nah, it’s fine. We’re on the right road, thankfully.

2:20 PM, Shitbox Rally Inspection Point, Nevada

After a hour or so, we eventually arrive at the starting location, somewhere in Nevada. We go to the inspection point to get the car scrutineered by the inspectors.

Malavera notices that the stalk doesn’t exist. He points out to the team that the stalk for the indicator looks like its been broken off. But he lets it slide and the car passes tech inspection with no other problems.

Matt replies to Malavera, after hearing about the news “Oh, i’m aware of that, it was like that when we got the car. I think they broke off after some use”. Malavera then walks back to his car, and we go to our parking bay, after spending a minute’s worth of finding a good one.
Matt then parks his car. “Surely there’s other ways of letting people know we’re signalling” he says to himself just before he shuts off the car and gets out of it for the time being.

TO BE CONTINUED

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Shitbox Rally

The Teams


@Madrias

Team Shift Happens

2 Cars:
HD-GV “Home Unit”
HD-GV “Carry All”


@Elizipeazie

VS Mobil Generator AB

2 Cars:
VS 221S “Robert”
VS 221S “Regina”


@Fayeding_Spray

Team M.A.D.

2 Cars:
Walkenhorst UtilXL FireRescue
Sakura Citrine LWB


@shibusu

Team Sinesian Rejects

2 Cars:
Ilaris Imbe Sport S 1.3 “Frankencar”
Ilaris Itan Base


@interior

Team Not-So-Slow

1 Car:
Schnell L30 1.9 SE Executive


@TheYugo45GV

The Ambassadors

2 Cars:
IVERA Executive LXT
Mayland Ambassador


@doot

The Knockouts

2 Cars:
1325 Facelift
Papillona 606 S


@MrdjaNikolen

Team Mravolinski-Chitco

2 Cars:
Saguaro T-REE 2000 Wagon
Kontir Cunningham 1.9


@Jaimz68

Team HETS

2 Cars:
Franklin HiWay Rally
FM VanGo


@AMuteCrypt

Team Flaming Gallahs

1 Car:
Priscilla II


@Edsel

Team Friendship! :smiley:

1 Car:
Bazard E-Series


@Knugcab

Team Hillbilly Rollers

2 Cars:
IP Rugger 4x4
Sanju MDM44 “Wolverine”


@Odyssey_Fan

Team Sane Insanity

2 Cars:
KKR S2
Roadmaster Voyage


@Portalkat42

Faolan Industries

2 Cars:
Aether 52 H
Aether 11/2


@AndiD

Team Taciturn

1 Car:
Mara Irena 2.0 UR


@BannedByAndroid

Team ReUnity

1 Car:
Ursula F5 400I cross 4x4


@SheikhMansour

Team Spy Kids

2 Cars:
Reekayns B210
Mocabey Pioneer XL


@IDK158

Team J3

2 Cars:
Tiharris Summer V6 J3
Rhien Willow SR50 Turbo J3


@JCurtiss96 & @Leone

Team Aeromad

2 Cars:
Juggernaut 862 Custom Aeromad
Torrento Providence II Aeromad


@Tzuyu_main & @Falling_Comet

Team Black Rabbit Disavowed

2 Cars:
Seikatsu Diesel Galactic
Dauer 836RS Darien


@Texaslav

Team Sheriff Scott’s Posse

2 Cars:
Warren Warlock FH
Bowie Bearcat


@Xepy

Team 48656c696f73 (Known by the hosts as “Team 486”)

2 Cars:
Kaufmann Viera Custom
Kaufmann Kleinbus Custom


@S_U_C_C_U_L_E_N_T

Team Magdelena

2 Cars:
Baumhauer 423 Vier Group A
Hinode Rusa Ambulance


@SurrealCereal

Team Machinas Con Passione

2 Cars:
Mercedes Blue Wonder Alessio
Faenza Spirito SP-C


@GetWrekt01 & @That-S-cop

Team Cunning Stunts

2 Cars:
VHT Supermobile (Sand Hopper)
Contra Ute


@EnCR

Team Till D End

2 Cars:
JMX Linx Turbo Injection
Avantii Trailduster Camper


@LS_Swapped_Rx-7

Team Basedworks

2 Cars:
Basedworks RV
Basedworks MCMOTD


@Mikonp7

Team GUNSHIP

1 Car:
Haapala Streetcruiser


@ldub0775

Team 4 Dicks in a Truck

1 Car:
Centurion 9000

8 Likes

Machinas Con Passione’s Shitbox Adventures 2: The Team
Guess whos back, back again. Giacomo’s back. Tell a friend.

The Team:
Car 1: 1973 Faenza Spirito
A car with a complicated backstory, modified by Alessio to be used as the mobs “grocery getter” during the 1980s. Light as a feather with the soul of a rally racer, the Faenza Spirito looks to capture MCP’s first Shitbox Rally win after their… Adventure, shall we say, at the last rally.


Driver: Johnny Scarfiotti.
Age: 18
Bio: A young racing driver on the up and up, Johnny is an American born italian racer, and the first cousin once removed of Giacomo, though they have a close uncle/nephew relationship. Johnny runs in the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series for the Machinas Con Passione team, though minimal involvement from Giacomo or Alessio is involved in the team. Johnny is renowned for consistently outdriving the truck, though his overaggression and inability to preserve his equipment have led to many lost results. Won his first career race at Talladega after hanging around the playoff grid, though failed to win the championship. He’s gearing up for another season in NASCAR, but a little R&R from the shitbox rally is a team building exercise he can’t refuse, though he wishes he could refuse his teammate.
image
(since I deleted TS4 and dont have the space to redownload it, I will use a low quality stock image of Andrew Vanwyngarden to represent my fictional racing driver. These are tough times, people. Tough times.)

Johnny is a bit of a goofball, but can have a more serious side to him if need be. He prefers to hang out with his friends, and is something of a media darling, never hesitsnt to play to the crowd or get up in front of a camera. Is often at odds with Ryouchi when they cross paths, though has no personal problem with him.

Co-driver: Ryouchi Katou
Age: 24
Bio: Ryouchi was touted for greater things upon his racing career debut at the age of 5, and took the normal career progression most bound for F1 are told to take, Ryouchi actually found alot of initial success, winning kart championships and progressing the ladder of Formula Ford, F4, GP3 and Formula 2, winning the rTrainer championship, Japanese and European Formula 4, and winning 3 races in GP3 before debuting in FIA Formula 2 in 2017. Three uneventful seasons unfolded, where despite initial Ferrari backing and private tests with Sauber, nothing came of the young mans F2 career, and after Ferrari ended their support, Ryouchi fount himself without a ride for 2020. Luckily for him, the pandemic struck while on vacation in America, leaving him trapped in the country with a new opportunity ahead of him: NASCAR!


Ryouchi would debut in the Xfinity series, with support from Giacomo and Alessio Scarfiotti, and would quickly find himself treading deep water after smash cutting into a sport which had nothing in common with his previous occupation. Ryouchi would soldier on, receiving a promotion into the cup series for 2022 , though 9 dnfs would put a halt to any momentum he might’ve built in that time. At the playoff race at Homestead Miami Speedway, Ryouchi would spin by himself during practice and back his car into the wall, causing a concussion and ending his season prematurely. The team would contract veteran racer Thibault Prosper to complete the season in his stead. Ryouchi has yet to return to NASCAR, instead spending his time moping around and working out or whatever top level professional athletes do when they’re sad. His participation in the rally is meant to be more of a team building exercise, but while Ryouchi could contain his jealousy of Johnny’s success when they were at different teams, is putting two young, hungry racers together a good idea?

Car 2: 1955 Mercedes-Benz Renntransporter Blue Wonder - Alessio

This particular car was bought by Alessio in the 1970s as a “real authentic copy for real”, but upon opening the garage, found this facelifted… Thing. It might be real, it probably isnt judging how quickly the previous owner ran after Alessio handed him his 500 dollars, but… It works. It’s powered by an engine lifted from one of Alessio’s F5000 that he was driving at the time, which he also designed himself.
Car 2 crew:
Driver: Giacomo Scarfiotti
Age: 50
Bio: Everyone’s favorite manchild, the king of the silver spoon himself is back for another go. Giacomo is a technical genius, though his eccentricities tend to mask this frequently, and without someone to ground him, he tends to get ahead of himself, as he brought the thirstiest van since YOUR MOM (sorry) to last year’s rally, and condemed MCP to last as a result. Luckily for him, he has an F1 driver and his dad to keep him grounded in reality.


Giacomo gets on with everyone at MCP, but has recently found that Ryouchi is mostly spending time with his family lately. Hopefully the shitbox rally can keep the team dynamics in working order. Nothing like the smell of kerosene to keep the old familial bonds going, right? Dont let him and Johnny near each other, though, or they’ll talk everyone’s ears off…

Co-driver: Alessio Scarfiotti
Age: 83
Bio: “Engine builder, racecar driver, lady lover and cool beard owner, has Alessio REALLY done it all? Well. Actually, he has. Everything except the shitbox rally.” - James Sykes, Bagel Media
probably the oldest participant in the challenge, Alessio has made a name for himself in a racing career that’s spanned over 50 years, starting as a teenager in the late 1950s before debuting in the World Sportscar Championship in 1961. 21 long seasons followed until his retirement in 1982, before becoming an owner driver in rallying during the group B era. After 1987, Alessio would continue to make sporadic starts while managing his engine building/tuning business named after him, and though he never officially retired from racing or from engine building, remaining active at the club level to this day, he vastly prefers the managerial side to racing these days.


Alessio is participating for the memes, and after hearing Giacomo retell his stories of giant wolves with even bigger guns, hopes to make some new friends to go to the range with, as shooting is a hobby he’s recently picked up. Though Alessio is happy to work on engines anytime, business and pleasure don’t usually mix, expect him to be socializing with other teams between stages.

Sensible person/Amateur medic: Hikiko Katou
Age: 54
Bio: a recently retired PROLIFIC racer, Hikiko actually had late start to racing, debuting at 14 after running away from home to persue her racing career with a friend of hers. Karts, Japanese F3000, and one replacement drive later found her as one of the youngest f1 debutants at age 19 in 1988, replacing Julian Bailey at Tyrrell. A prolific career smattered with podiums and stints for teams like Ferrari, Lotus, uh… Forti… Footwork… Yeesh. Followed, until she signed for benetton in 1998. She competed 3 seasons with the team, missing the 2000 season on maternity leave due to giving birth to Ryouchi, before returning in 2001, only to have a career ending crash in the season ending race at Suzuka, leaving her with brain damage, resutling in her being declared unfit to race.
image

Hikiko’s mental faculties were intact, though the recovery time in regaining her reflexes and motor skills ruled out a return to the fast paced world of F1. Hikiko would make a career of racing anything she could get her hands on, with attempts in everything from the Baja 1000 to the Indy 500. She later have a daughter in 2007, and later carve out a part time NASCAR career as her main hobby, before retiring for good in 2022. That being said, the urge to come back one last time is hard to resist, though watching Giacomo wheel the Blue Wonder sounds like a much better proposition.

The three person crew of the Merc have a history together, though all of their hurt feelings have been left in the past, resulting in a more relaxed atmosphere to the likely tense environment of the Spirito entered with the MCP NASCAR crew. Hikiko has been helping her son navigate his career since day one, but the crash seems to have been the nail in the coffin for his confidence. Hopefully something low key will help him get his mojo back…

Equipment:
The intention of the team is to win the race with the Spirito, while providing support in the Blue Wonder. To that extent, each member has packed some of their personal belongings into the Blue Wonder:

Giacomo and Alessio have brought their journals, full of designs and notes. There’s a section dedicated to the cars that partook in last years rally, with Giorgio Piolla-esque illustrations of the various entrants, with technical drawings made while watching other teams perform repairs during camp.

Giacomo brought his disposable camera. He is bad at taking pictures. He also brought a Fender Stratocaster, with an Ibanez Tube Screamer and a Fender Amp, hoping to continue his shenanigans from last year.

Alessio is packing his guns normally reserved for the range. He’s brought his prized collection, a 1875 Colt Single Action Army, an M1 Garand, and a Mosin Nagant 91/30. He also brought some spare targets for anyone who wants to join him, and enough fishing rods to share with other teams. True dad energy. He’s also packing multiple packs of cigarettes.

Ryouchi brought his laptop. Giacomo did not tell him. Cruelest thing he ever did. He’s also brought his old PSP from back in the day, and some vidya to entertain himself.

Johnny brought many bizzare shirts because he finds them funny. He’s pulled up to camp wearing one with “MILF HUNTER” emblazoned on the front and back.

Hikiko is carrying a first aid kit, though any serious injuries will need to be handled by someone more experienced, as the best she can do is put a bandaid or some gauze on.

The team has also packed the following supplies into the Wonder’s Frunk, which it apparently has:

1 box each of:

  • Albums, selected to not be shit, and reflecting the tastes of each of the group, except Giacomo. There’s a smattering of hits from the 50s-90s, with some highlights including 50 Cent’s Get Rich or Die Trying, Korn’s self titled, though Hikiko isn’t sure which one it is, Taeko Ohnuki’s Mignonne, and Skrillex. On second thought, I think Giacomo stuck that last one in.
  • Ramen. There’s an entire box of shitty dollar store ramen.
  • Basic necessities
  • A rice cooker and a coil stove, because you are not stopping an asian parent from cooking some bomb ass food, no matter how deep you chuck her into the mountainside.
  • All the tools, but we’re SOL if something breaks for good.
  • and finally, some ammo to keep Alessio happy.

With that, MCP is actually prepared for once, but will it stop them from chucking their car off a cliff?
Nuh Uh GIFs | Tenor

Machinas Con Passione’s Shitbox Adventures 2: The Team - FIN

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Team Shift Happens

Driver’s Log 1


Driver’s Log 2, March 31, 2023


There are now 29 teams participating in this event, according to our sign-up sheets, all with a collection of curious characters and odd names.

Two teams were known to me before the event: Shift Happens, as detailed before in my previous entry, and VS Mobil Generator AB, the team Valentin set up to provide power to the entire camp.

I asked Kaylie for permission to look over the various teams’ entry forms, so I could log them into my historical records.

These entry forms will be entered here in the order that Kaylie received them.


The first team to submit an entry to the event was “Team M.A.D.” Their goal, from what little I’ve heard, is to document and record the event. M.A.D. is an acronym for “Make a Documentary,” after all. They have plans to bring a pair of cars along. The names of their crew are: Urijah Hunt, Renee Rush, Victoria de la Cavalleria, and Maxim Tremblay.

The second team is “Team Sinesian Rejects.” The crew, Tolok-Javon ‘TJ’ Hyrteyn, Alauran ‘Al’ Caere, Ianis Solani, and Jas Kan’aan, plan to bring a pair of cars as well. They did mention they’re from a different world, which makes them our first interstellar team for this year.

Third on the list is “Team Not-So-Slow,” a team from last year. Isabella Jackson and Matthew Smith make a return, though Kaylie glared at this sheet for an hour when it arrived. They plan to bring one car, though Kaylie did mutter about “checking for alcohol before we leave.”

Next up is our fourth crew, “The Ambassadors.” Another interstellar bunch, planning on bringing two cars on this voyage. Landon Sabourne, Aryton Sabourne, Amell Sabourne, Karl von Heislingberg, and Denali Bassett plan to make the trip to Nehmenweld with us.

Then we have Kate Silas and Octavia Arachne, known as “The Knockouts,” bringing two cars along. Another team from outside this world.

Another team from last year, “Team Mravolinski-Chitco,” brings two cars with one being from last year. Loojoe Mravolinski, Siviko Mravolinski, Amanda Mravolinski, Chicota Junior Mravolinski, Andrea VerBanka, Pi Chitco, and Mat Hammeltau are the crew this time.

Kaylie says they’ve competed against part of “Team HETS” in a 24-hours-of-Clunkers race. Mrs Elizabeth “Gran” Harcourt-Entwhistle, Mrs “Nanna” Prudence Tuppington-Smythe, Spanners, and Mopey plan to drive two cars through Nehmenweld.

Surprisingly, it was Kivenaal who pointed out that “Team Flaming Gallahs” would be an interesting sight, just based only on their team members’ names. I don’t see how Kivenaal got anything out of the names “Taint “Gia” Jimmy, Taymin “Ben” Pala, Eddie, Jane, or Kit,” but they do plan to bring one car.

We don’t know much about “Team Friendship,” other than that one of their crew is called “Freddie,” and the other is “Riley,” and they plan to bring one car.

Kaylie was visibly excited when “Team Hillbilly Rollers” turned in their application. Janne Mäkilalo, Andreas Kero, Marie Pesula, and Arne Lindberg are confirmed to be bringing two vehicles.

“Team Sane Insanity” plans to bring two cars and three people: Raymond Li, Nathan Wang, and Andrew Park.

The next team is a bit interesting to me, from the fact that everyone else so far has had at least one car with two people in it. But, “Faolan Industries” intends to bring two vehicles and only two crew, Ze’ev Wulfrith and Storm Breedlove.

“Team Taciturn” seemed a little unusual at first. One car, two people, Cal Street and Curt House. Malavera is very suspicious at how “clean” their background check is. He says that "People always have some dirt in their past. A parking ticket, speeding ticket, even something as simple as some credit card bills, but Malavera says it’s like they just “popped into existence.” He says he’s suspecting they’re under something Earth calls “Witness Protection.”

Another single-car team is “Team ReUnity” with Jian Hui, Anthony Park, Seung Ji, and Ayumi Miyazaki planning to go on this voyage with everyone else.

Jessica Lombaerts, Alexis Ahaual, Shay Hirvonen, Lazar Kandyba, Laura Kamenev, Giorgi Ingorkova, Tracey Maxou, Magnolia Coleman, and Kiel Shamble are the members of “Team Spy Kids,” intending on bringing two cars. Apparently, some of them were there last year, so Kaylie’s a bit excited.

“Team J3” is another interstellar team, consisting of Johnny, Jackie, and Jacia. They intend to bring two vehicles along.

“Team Aeromad” plans to bring Jenny, Leo, and Max, along with two vehicles straight into the camp for an adventure.

“Team Black Rabbit Disavowed” had Kaylie a bit concerned. However, Lorelei Emmerling Rothbauer, Mona, Catherine Ridley, Noelle Markman Porter, and Klaus Engel plan to bring two cars along this year.

Wilbur Statius Scott, Miranda Isabel Scott, Victoria Jane Cole, Michael Charles Cole, and John William Burr make up “Team Sheriff Scott’s Posse,” who plan to bring two vehicles along.

“Team 48656c696f73,” also known by Kayden as “Are you fucking kidding me?!” and by Malavera as “Team 486,” plan to bring two cars to haul 4 people: Dr. Miriam Brand, Victor Messer, Friede Steinmann, and Friedrich Steinmann.

Isobel MacAllan, George Peterson, Raina Kurniaputri, and Hamasaki Mei make up “Team Magdelena,” bringing another two cars.

Kaylie groaned when “Team Machinas Con Passione” returned this year. Sure, they registered two cars, but her comment was, “Twin Suns, they were idiots last year.” Kivenaal had a savage smile on his face, but refused to explain why he was laughing when I asked. Kayden called them “Five idiots in two shitboxes, with half-a-brain to share.” I hope that Johnny Scarfiotti, Ryouci Katou, Hikiko Katou, Giacomo Scarfiotti, and Alessio Scarfiotti are better than Kayden says, but… I will not get my hopes up.

“Team Cunning Stunts” is another bundle of “Potentially interesting,” bringing two cars for a crew of 5 people: Zachary Kenway, Liviana Harrington, Sophie Harrington, Murray Harrington, and Lara White.

Carol Nanashi, Shikino Miya, and Regan Reynald are “Team Till D End,” bringing two cars into this run.

“Team Basedworks” got a set of raised eyebrows from Malavera, followed by, "I wonder what they plan to bring. We’ll be waiting to see what Pierce Holman, Ryuzo “Big Block” Wakaba, Zach Tempest, and Nathaniel James Jr. choose to bring as their two vehicles.

“Team GUNSHIP” is another interesting one. Paul Jäger and Aaron Jäger intend to bring one car along.

Then, last, but not least, there’s “Team 4 Dicks in a Truck.” Domenik, Rose, Christian, and Riley plan to bring one vehicle. Malavera sighed when he’d seen their team name and said, “They better not be. Or at least, be dicks to each other, not the other teams.”

There’s the 27 additional teams along for our trip. With any luck, we’ll actually have a full campsite.


Kasiya startled as the sound of 25 cents worth of pennies hitting the cab roof rang out. He saved his document, shaking his head before shoving open his door to confront the coin-tosser.

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TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS

PART 0.4 - PROLOGUE

Earlier parts

Pre-prologue part 1
Pre-prologue part 2
Prologue part 0.1
Prologue part 0.15 - Interlude
Prologue part 0.2
Prologue part 0.3

31st of March 2023

Now, with both the Rugger and the Wolverine prepared for rallying, loaded up with food, spare parts, tools and everything that could be needed, the team was at Janne’s place early in the morning. Or, at least three of them. Waiting for Arne to arrive was crucial. After all, they needed a driver of the Wolverine…

“Finally, I can get wasted for two weeks and nobody can even do anything about it!”, Marie said and filled yet another empty spot in the Sanju with some more cans.

“Why are you bringing beer for two years with you then?”, Andreas asked with more than a grain of salt.

A battered burgundy 2005 Volvo XC70 parked a bit behind the Sanju. Not too much of a surprise, Arne jumped out of it. More surprisingly maybe, was the crutches. And the plastered leg.

“What the fuck have you been doing now?”, Janne asked.

“Just doing stuff I probably shouldn’t have done”, Arne answered and laughed a bit.

“Well…. I guess that you’re really not in the shape to drive the Sanju now…with all the double clutching and everything?”, Janne said, scratching his head.

“Nope…Marie has to drive it I guess.”, Arne said.

“What…. What the fuck…I CAN’T DRIVE THAT THING!”, Marie said.

“Do you think that there is anything called I can’t drive this vehicle in the army?”, Arne said, laughing. “How many 19 year old meatheads do you think they have put in the driver’s seat of those, and they have managed to survive for 40 years still. You can’t break it even if you intend to do it!”.

Arne stuffed some chewing tobacco in his mouth, took a green “Learner driver” magnetic sign out of the XC70 and slapped it on the bumper of the Sanju.

“Now just jump into it so you get the feel for driving it before we leave”, Arne said.

Marie jumped into the Sanju, Arne coming with her a short while later, after having managed to pull himself up in the cab with the plastered leg. She started up the 8VZ engine with a roar.

“I think it is running a bit rough”, she said. “Where is the choke? Is it here?”

“NO, DON’T TOUCH TH…”

The Sanju rolled backwards after Marie pulling the parking brake release, and kept rolling until something standing in the way stopped it with a loud crunch.

“Do you happen to need any broken XC70 parts for your scrap stash?”, Andreas asked Janne. “Because now you probably have them.”

“That lady is just a disaster that is not even waiting to happen, it is constantly happening”, Janne said with a loud sigh.

Managing to get it in gear, the Sanju was rolling forward. Marie rolled up to where Janne and Andreas was standing, much to the fear of the two of them. She rolled down the window.

“Do you mind if I stop at my place to pick up something I forgot, now when I have to take a test drive in this anyway?”, she asked.

“Nah, just do it.”, Janne said.

The Wolverine left Janne’s place with grinding gears.

“What do you think that she forgot?”, Janne asked Andreas?

“Well, some barrel full of moonshine probably”, Andreas said. “Either that, or something completely pointless, that she just HAVE to bring with her. I know her too well.”

The Wolverine came back a fair while later.

“Now I guess we are ready to go”, Marie said, when jumping out of it.

“Why do you have a bleeding nose now, too?”, Janne asked Arne.

“Oh nothing”, Arne said. “Just the dashboard being a bit grumpy and attacking me for some reason, I guess.”, he grumbled.

“Why is there a damn mailbox hanging from the rear bumper?”, Andreas asked.

“Why do you even care?”, Marie answered. “It’s not like if I should have been bothered if you had a mailbox hanging from your rear bumper!”

“This…Isn’t going really well, right?”, Janne asked, a bit worried.

“I’ve seen worse”, Arne said, as it seemed not bothered by the situation at all.

Next part

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Machinas Con Passione’s Shitbox Adventures, Take 2: The Tale of Alessio Scarfiotti.

Feburary 5th, 1983.

Miami, Florida.
An indescript garage in an undisclosed area.
Push It To The Limit (scarface) - YouTube
It’s often said that familiarity breeds contempt. Get enough of anything, and, with time, you’'l eventually find yourself at a point where you’re desperate to get rid of it, or apathetic to it’s existence entirely. Alessio Scarfiotti, a man who typically adheres to sayings and superstitions, found that this one particular saying didn’t always hold up. Although he’d been in the business of engine building for well over 20 years at this point, that satisfaction of starting a completed engine never left him. Like clockwork, he inserted the key in the ignition, twisted it, and six cylinders roared to life in front of him. He let the engine turn over, revving a bit to make sure it was adequately hydrated, and that oil was moving through the system, and that the turbo was in working order.

“Holy shit. You actually did it.” A stunned voice from the back of the dingy garage rang out, belonging to the client who had requested this particular job. Alessio looked back to meet the young man’s eyes, doing his upmost to hide his pleasure at another job well done. “Of course I did it. I always complete a job. Not like I had a choice this time.” The younger of the two men looked down, scratching his head as he took a peak at the new engine before him. Though from the outside, the car containing it was little more then a psuedo eastern-european inspired family friendly shitbox, the engine inside was a gussied up cop beater designed solely for one purpose: To capitalize on the miami drug boom of the 80s, to power the Faenza Spirito for its new job, to be the italian mob’s grocery getter.

“Oh, um… Yeah. I almost forgot.” The younger man, the one who’d soon be using the car to ferry cocaine in and out of Miami soon, fished around in his pockets for Alessio’s payment, and handed him 12,000 USD in phat bandz. Alessio turned to his client, a stern, dead look on his face. “I’m holding up my end of the deal. Don’t fuck me with this.” The young man raised his hands in apprehension, stepping away from the much smaller Alessio. “H… Hey man! Don’t worry about it! I got you!”

Alessio had found himself in a bit of financial trouble, making connections to the mob was the only way he could ensure the livelihood of his family, while also continuing the 43 year old’s career, which by now was treading deep water as the veteran failed to find adequate sponsorship to fund his entry in the World Sportscar Championship. Though it was dirty work, the best part would be that Alessio would never be subjected to this car again, and could quickly erase it from his mind ASAP. That thought alone gave the career racer, and now part time criminal, some peace.

March 10th, 2023.

Naples, Italy.
Residence of Alessio Scarfiotti.
Holiday - YouTube
Plink! a hole tore itself clean through the target dummy, leaving a hole where there had once been an “X” printed on it’s chest. In other words, Alessio had finally gotten his first bullseye of the day at his homemade range, and let that same smile of satisfaction, which was usually the extent of his facial expression, slowly crawl across his face. A nice, serene, moment of peace. W-wait, Hang on, what is that?

“FATHER! FATHER! I HAVE NEWS! FATHER!” Giacomo Scarfiotti came sprinting out of Alessio’s mansion, already out of breath from the yard and a half run from his patio to where Alessio was shooting. So much for one day of peace. “Yes, Giacomo? what is it?” Giacomo was too knackered to reply, simply shoving a paper at his father, who took it with apprehension and took a moment to read the words. “SHITBOX RALLY - 2023” Upon hearing the words, Alessio’s mind darted back instantly to the last shitbox he’d worked on, over 40 years ago now. That damned yellow Spirito.

Alessio looked down at the paper, and looked back at his son, who was still starved for air in the minute of reminiscing Alessio had done. “Giacomo. Let’s go on a little trip. you and I. Whaddya say?” Giacomo looked up to his father, suddenly a bill of clean health. “Yes, Of course! Let’s go on yet another shitbox adventure!”

Machinas Con Passione’s Shitbox Adventures, Take 2: The Tale of Alessio Scarfiotti. - FIN

4 Likes

@Madrias Can I change my team name? It was meant to be “Flaming Gallahs”, I mistyped.

1 Like

Ripsaw end at the beginning

I’m not going to write much, but someone named Eric Lyle Issac Zachary Ivan Patrick Earl Alex Zane Ian Ethan stole the two cars from team Ripsaw and we were left stranded :l

Jacia has just made a terrible realisation that there wont be any properly sanitary on site bathrooms
I want to know if anyone in this challenge does actually have a functioning loo that she could use, and that would mean we could roleplay her asking to use it.
She would happily pay per use, she just really hates the idea of a squat and drop