TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
PART 1.1 - What’s that smell?
Written in co-operation with @Madrias
Earlier parts
Pre-prologue part 1
Pre-prologue part 2
Prologue part 0.1
Prologue part 0.15 - Interlude
Prologue part 0.2
Prologue part 0.3
Prologue part 0.4
Part 1.0 - The arrival
The light green IP Rugger was driving into the rift, followed by the desert tan Sanju Wolverine with its jerky ride and crunching gearbox. And yes, one of the vehicles already had clutch troubles - and that wasn’t the Wolverine. Instead, Andreas had noticed a slipping clutch in the Rugger, already before arriving at the drivers meeting.
“We’ll simply have to take our chances here”, Andreas said. “We can’t be late to the rift”.
Unfortunately, the vehicle didn’t hold up much longer than into the rift. Finally, the clutch slippage was bad enough for the vehicle to barely drive forward despite crazy revs (well, for a 4Z at least). It was decided that to not damage the flywheel too, a clutch change in the Rift was the only alternative.
“Crap”, Andreas said, trying to coast the Rugger into a more gentle stop, while he barely touched the brake pedal with the other foot, flashing the brake lights to avoid getting multiple tonnes of Sanju buried into the tailgate. He flipped the switch for the hazard lights to notify the other teams that there was something going on. Marie somehow managed to stop the Sanju without any contact between the two vehicles, so somewhat calm Andreas grabbed the CB. “Breaker, breaker 1-9, this is Team Hillbilly Rollers, unfortunately we have to perform a clutch change here in the rift, even if we tried to avoid it for as long as we could, and needless to say, we will be thankful for any help we can get!” Arne jumped out of the Sanju. “Offroading them with an old worn out stock clutch will kill them sooner or later. A well known problem to say the least.”
“Yeah, I know, I know”, Janne said. “Probably what someone had done to the white Rugger before it was T-boned. Why didn’t we take the engine and gearbox apart to check the condition before we put it into the truck? This is NOT going to be fun… Damn. I had hoped that we could at least wait until camp.”
“Reading you clear, Rollers,” Rukari said, before passing the CB handle over to Kaylie. Kaylie, making sure the CB was on the “announcements” frequency, called out, “Looks like we might be here a while. Hillbilly Rollers has a dead clutch, they’re trying to fix it right now.” Kasiya and Takaraya both switched off their HD-GV’s engines, climbing out of the cab to go help out. Takaraya, thinking about it as he walked, grabbed the walkie-talkie on his belt and called in, “Takaraya to Kaylie and Malavera, please remain on stand-by. Team Hillbilly Rollers needs to replace a clutch, and may require further assistance.” As the two large wolves approached, it was Kasiya who asked Janne, Andreas, Marie, and Arne, “Heard you had some clutch trouble. Any way we can help?”
Janne was unbolting the chestnut brown hood from the hinges. “All help will probably be appreciated”, he said. “You know…this is how I put food on the table. By being a mechanic at the IP dealership. So, needless to say, I know very well what has to be done. So, that’s the good news. But…”, he said. while having the facial expression of a block of granite. “…the bad news…”
Kasiya nodded, then asked, “What is the bad news?”
“…you know, I could give you the long version, but I guess the other teams won’t like being stopped longer than they need to. So, let’s just say that the 4WD frame is rather stupid in its design, since some welded on brackets and reinforcements makes it impossible to just take down the gearbox”, he said with a sigh. Now, sometimes it could seem like Janne was the one that liked bragging about his knowledge. The truth was more like the opposite. For Janne, everything he knew about was just so natural, and since he had his own version of what “social skills” meant, he didn’t really catch the idea that blabbering for hours wasn’t always “helpful”. But this time, he managed to keep it somewhat short at least. “So, this is my plans. To start with, we disconnect everything that could be done from the engine bay, except for the coolant hoses. Then we try to lift the truck enough to unbolt things like the propshaft, and it will also make it easier to drain the coolant. Then…we simply have to take the engine and gearbox out, and rake them apart here in the Rift. I have spare parts, I have tools, so nothing in that way will be a problem, but…I would have liked to be able to do it in some other way”. He was grumbling a bit. “Early non-asbestos era…they were probably made of pressed cotton or something…”
“Lifting the truck won’t be a problem,” Takaraya said. “About how heavy is the engine and gearbox, if I may ask?” Kasiya inquired.
“Oh, around 200 kg I would guess”, Janne said. “Just a regular 4 banger, with an alloy head, so not overly heav…”
He was interrupted by Marie sticking her head out of the window of the Sanju. “Are you done with fixing it soon?”
“NO! We haven’t even started yet!”, Janne said, more than just a bit annoyed.
“Why does it smell like shit?”, she said.
“Because that’s what is coming out of your mouth and your nose is just above it!”, Janne answered with more than a grain of salt. He shook his head. “Oh well… Where were we?”
Kasiya raised an eyebrow at the response to Marie, though just shook his head and tried not to laugh. “If it’s 200 kilograms, I can lift that as long as… One moment,” Kasiya said. He grabbed his walkie-talkie, then called in, “Malavera, could you please bring us the tow chains?”
“Are we dragging them?” Malavera replied.
“No, we’ll need them to perform a bit of maintenance here,” Kasiya responded.
“Okay, fair enough, I’ll be there in a few minutes,” Malavera replied. Takaraya smirked as Kasiya put the radio back on his belt, then said to Janne, “He’s stronger than he looks.”
“The whole rift is full of people”, Janne said. “Lifting stuff won’t be a problem, even if we need more people. At least as long as Marie will stay where she is so she has no chance to make it into a problem”.
“I am NOT going to help with lifting”, Arne laughed and waved with one of his crutches.
“Nah, you’re probably not going to be very helpful today”, Janne said. There was no time to spare now, though. Janne lifted out the battery from the Rugger and started disconnecting all the wiring and the fuel lines from the engine to hurry things up a bit, while Andreas was sitting inside the cab, unbolting the shifter from the gearbox.
Malavera arrived with the chains in hand and passed them to Takaraya, then got a whiff of the fuel as the fuel lines were disconnected. “Glad I’m not the one crawling under the car. Last time I had to do that, I got gas in my armpit and my fur smelled like a gas station for a week,” Malavera said.
“We’re pulling the engine so Janne can change a clutch,” Kasiya said.
“So, the chains are for, what, then?” Malavera asked.
“Hook these clips to these brackets, and I can just pull this up out of the engine bay,” Kasiya said, motioning to the engine.
“Luckily this engine was recently swapped into this truck”, Janne said. “So, the exhaust manifold studs won’t cause their usual misery this time”, he said while loosening them. Andreas took a couple of spare wheels from the bed. “If we lift the front end up on them, I will be able to get under and remove the propshaft, being the smallest of us all, and we will probably be able to put a bucket under it to drain the coolant into, too.” “MARIE!”, Janne yelled.
“Yes, what is it?”
“Can we throw away your goddamned cactus and drain the coolant into the pot?”
“Hey! You’re not going to touch Mr Spikey, do it and you will regret it, keep that in mind!”
After shaking his head again, Janne grabbed the front bumper. “If we all lift it now, we should be able to put the spares under the front wheels I guess.”
“You won’t really need to help,” Malavera pointed out to Janne, watching as Kasiya and Takaraya placed their hands near the contact patch of the front tires. “On three,” Takaraya said. “One, two, THREE!” Both Kasiya and Takaraya lifted from their knees, hauling the front of the Rugger into the air. Malavera helped in his own way, aiding the others in moving wheels and other items around until they had something stable enough to set the front of the Rugger down. “If we weren’t trying to remove the engine,” Takaraya admitted, “we could have lifted it from the frame rails and acted as a proper lift.”
All of a sudden Janne got something dark in his eyes and hardly said a word. It was obvious, though, that he WANTED to say something. But it really wasn’t coming out of him. “Eh… Excuse him”, Andreas said, being rather nervous. “He is not being an asshole, he is not even mad at you or something, but… you struck the totally wrong nerve now, and…I don’t know if that was very obvious to you.”
Kasiya gave a light nod. “For that, then, we apologize. Kaylie always tries to remind us to watch our strength, especially around people who are not used to us.”
Arne saw what was happening, and tried to take Malavera with him, a bit further from the truck. “You know…there is something you probably should know…to understand what is happening now. Before you make anything worse. Mind if we have a talk?”. Suddenly, Arne did not seem very calm either, despite being totally chill just minutes ago.
Malavera nodded, then followed Arne to have their chat a bit further away from the truck.
Arne took a deep breath. “Yeah…To start with he doesn’t want to touch this subject. And to make it even worse, believe it or not, but deep inside I guess he is more polite than you may think, or something, because he probably want to respect their strength, I don’t really know… But…”
“I am sure that the two of them acting like a lift would be totally safe, but there’s no way in hell he would trust a car not standing on something solid”. It was obvious that even Arne was a bit hesitant telling stuff now. “25 years ago now, he was helping a friend of him, and that friend didn’t care all that much about the warnings we all have heard. Janne thought that his jack looked like a rather rickety affair, but you know how it is, you think that it is none of your business, and…”, there was a moment of silence now. “Yeah. It was a rickety affair indeed, so it all ended with Janne having to do his best with getting him out from under that Firebird. He was almost flattened and will never be himself again, and Janne… Well… He will never stop thinking that everything was his fault for not stopping him from crawling under that car without no proper jackstands. And, well…” Arne didn’t really know how to say this. “…he might seem like some easy going person, but the more you know him, the more complex you realize he is. For the better and the worse.”
“Well, as I said, we trust that you acting as a lift is safe, but he would probably bring up the argument that a proper car lift can’t get stung by a wasp, or something. And…don’t bring it up now. Or at all. Just inform the guys about this later on. When you are done with helping and has left this.”
Malavera nodded. “I can understand that. We may be made of some sturdy stuff, but… Yeah, if you’ve experienced something like that, it’s going to mess with you. I mean, we have a team-member who will absolutely freak out if someone turns on a UV-lamp and a fog machine, so… We can understand that. The two of them are more likely to think that, well… They’re thinking they’ve scared him because of how easily they lifted the car, but… You know what, let me make a radio call real quick.” Malavera grabbed his walkie-talkie, then called to the crew, “Hey, Kivenaal, mind grabbing the two large toolboxes from the back of the Carry All? They’re about 2 feet tall, foot-and-a-half wide, about 3 feet long.” Kivenaal replied. Within a minute, Kivenaal had a pair of nearly-identical heavy toolboxes there. Malavera turned to face the remaining crew and said, “Get the truck up off of those tires please, and set it on the toolboxes instead. I know they’re sturdy enough to take the weight, Kasiya used them as a step-stool once. Kivenaal, move the tires to act as a set of wheel chocks.”
“Right, do this the safe way,” Kivenaal said, moving the tires out of the way, shoving a toolbox under the front wheel, and then placing a spare wheel either side of the rear tire. He repeated the process on the other side, and Kasiya and Takaraya slowly set the Rugger down on the toolboxes gently.
Janne still wasn’t saying much, but somehow, he understood that what Arne had been talking to Malavera about was closely related to what happened with the toolboxes. He finally started to speak when he told Andreas to go get a bucket from the back of the Sanju, to drain the coolant into.
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” A loud scream was heard from the Sanju. “WHY IS THIS GODDAMNED CACTUS STANDING IN THE FUCKING DOORWAY AGAIN, I TOLD YOU TO MOVE I…YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGHHHHH!” It appeared like if trying to move a cactus with your bare hands wasn’t a good idea. Andreas got back, however, with a bucket in his hand and the Garfield doll in the other hand. Being used to wipe his bleeding hands, however, it more looked like some Garfield parody from a horror movie at this moment. “Don’t say a word…just…don’t…”, he said, staring at Janne that all of a sudden was laughing again, with the empty stare being like if it was washed away.
Malavera couldn’t help but laugh as Andreas had an encounter with the cactus in the truck, followed by momentarily forgetting that pushing a cactus away with one’s bare hands was not a good idea. “Looks like Marie found a replacement for Sonic,” Malavera pointed out, smirking with one head while the other got a half-decent look at the Sanju. Both Takaraya and Kasiya shared a look of confusion, while Kivenaal gave a grimace. “Well, I know one vehicle to keep way the hell away from,” Kivenaal said. “You don’t need the back of that Wolverine rusting to shit because I bled on it. Would be a waste of some rather nice military hardware.”
Andreas got under the Rugger to remove the propshaft as well as the gearbox mount, while Janne drained the cooling system into the bucket. “Well…I prefer if it’s not wasted”, Arne laughed. “Been looking for one for years. I have actually never owned one before, this is my first one.”
“I’ve got a list of vehicles I’ve wanted to get,” Kivenaal said. “A Sanju Wolverine is on it, alongside a few other vehicles that are a little difficult to get my hands on,” he added. “I know full well I’m never getting an M1 Abrams, but I want one. I have a couple of Bricksley Quagmires, one in olive drab, two in desert tan. I’ve got a HEMTT on order.”
“Kivenaal’s a collector of military vehicles,” Malavera admitted. “Granted, we’ve learned they sometimes come with some limitations.”
“Yeah, it’s not fuckin’ easy to get laid in the cab of a deuce-and-a-half, for example,” Kivenaal quipped.
“I know, we tried once.” Malavera grimaced, then said,
“Yeah, that didn’t end well. M135 looks bigger on the outside than it is inside.”
“I recommend something more basic there”, Arne said with a raw laughter. “Do you know how much of a hit a Willys MB was with the ladies in the 70s?”, he laughed. “Unfortunately I might have sinned with gaudy custom paint and shiny chrome wheels on a couple of them back then, for, you know…reasons. Oh well, don’t worry, I keep them stock nowadays, I am too old for that business now”, he said, once again laughing. “And you know, they are so open air so you could as well skip the car and use a blanket on the ground instead”. It appears like someone was feeling a bit nostalgic now. “Seems like you are like me then”, he said to Kivenaal. “If it is desert tan or olive drab, and has tracks or knobby tyres, it is worth owning”. He took a piece of paper and a pencil from his pocket, to write down an URL for a website. “You can always check my homepage out”, he said, and gave the piece of paper to Kivenaal. “I’ve got tons of vehicles, parts…you name it. Contacts all over the world. I have been into this since the early 70s. Of course, you probably have your contacts too by now”, he said to Kivenaal, “but two heads can always be better than one”. He then looked to Malavera. “Or what do you say about that?”, he laughed.
Kivenaal smiled, folding the piece of paper and putting it into his wallet for safe-keeping. “I’ll check that out once I get home. Never hurts to add some contacts to the list when it comes to finding military hardware, after all. You ever want to get your hands on any US military equipment, just call me,” Kivenaal said, before pulling a business card out of his wallet and handing it over. “I’ve got a few contacts who can get just about anything, if you’re willing to wait for it.” Malavera grimaced lightly at the “two heads can always be better than one” saying, then said, “Most of the time, I’d agree with you. Waking up with a hangover, on the other hand, is double the trouble.” Kivenaal smirked. “Malavera, Takaraya, and Kasiya are all lightweights when it comes to alcohol. A couple beers and they’re unable to stay in their seat.”
Their talk was all interrupted by Janne, shouting that “We are ready to lift the engine out by now!”. After all, the other teams were probably tired of being hung up now.
“Right, that’s my cue to give Kasiya these chains,” Malavera said, before heading back over to Janne, Kasiya, Andreas, and Takaraya. Kasiya took the chains and carefully hooked them up to the engine, gripping the chain in both hands to take up the load evenly. “I can lift a fair bit more than this, but I’m going to want a place to set it down once it’s free,” Kasiya warned. “Another spare tire, please?” Malavera asked, glad to see that Kivenaal was on the ball with grabbing another rim and tire and setting it face-down on the ground. “Should cradle the oil pan just fine like that,” Malavera said, “though we’ll have Takaraya minding the chains. And, before you worry about him dropping it, well… Takaraya, mind pulling up a sleeve and one of the legs of your pants?” Takaraya sighed, then did as he’d been asked, revealing the titanium of his arms and his legs. “I’ve had extensive augmentations done after getting shot down. Spine, hips, and shoulder-blades are reinforced. Arms from the shoulders down are replaced. Legs from mid-thigh down as well,” Takaraya explained.
The looks of Takarayas arms and legs appearantly didn’t really comfort Andreas that, despite everything happening last year, was really not comfortable with weird shit. But he didn’t say anything. With the engine down on the spare wheel, Janne unbolted the gearbox from the engine, and took a crowbar to separate the two of them. “Oh, crap. Yeah, this is bad. It looks like a magpie’s nest in here”, Janne said. “Oh, don’t worry, by 1983 there is no asbestos used anymore, but still…”. He went to the back of the Rugger and grabbed a yellowed box with a clutch kit. “Happened to find a NOS one at work”, he said. While Janne was unbolting the pressure plate from the flywheel, Arne started discussing with Kivenaal again. “So…what do you think about our learner driver, then?”, he said, pointing at Marie where she sat, looking about as bored as she could be. “Do you have faith in her being a skilled driver when this rally is over?”
“I mean, you humans have learned how to twin-stick with only one hand to spare, so, there’s potential,” Kivenaal admitted. "Then again, we are talking about Marie, who is the only human I know who was bold enough to head-butt my brother over a bottle of moonshine." Malavera studied the burned out clutch, then asked, “Did you teach Marie how to drive stick in this before you came to the rally? Because the last time I saw one that bad, it belonged to Kayden, who absolutely destroyed one in a 1998 Sinistra Savage.” Kasiya looked at it, then asked, “Out of curiosity, what is it made out of?”
Janne shook his head. “We took this engine out of a T-boned truck just days before the rally”, he said. “No idea at all what has been done with it, but they are known to be a bit weak for heavier offroading”, he said. Then he scratched his head at Kasiya’s question. What WAS asbestos free clutch material really? “Well, I need to figure that out, I guess”. While Janne was searching for the centering tool in his tool box, Arne gave Kivenaal a promise. “Have you driven a Wolverine before? If not, you will have done it before we go home, take my word for that.”
“Never been behind the wheel of one, no,” Kivenaal admitted. “That said, I can drive manual, and I know how to drive twin-stick or non-synchronized gearboxes, so, it shouldn’t be that hard. Might be a tight fit in the cab, but I’ll manage.” Malavera chuckled. “Well, if someone learned to drive stick or learned the basics of off-roading with it, yeah, that explains the fried-bird’s-nest of a clutch.” Kasiya shrugged, then said, “Figured I had to ask. We’ll both find out eventually.”
Not much happened, more than maybe the usual small talk, while Janne was mounting the new clutch to the flywheel, and, with the help of Andreas, putting the engine and gearbox back together again. “OK”, Janne said. “I guess we are ready to lift the engine back in now!”
Takaraya nodded, handing the chains back to Kasiya. “I may be stronger than he is, but… He’s taller,” Takaraya admitted. As Kasiya hauled the engine up, Takaraya helped Janne guide the transmission and engine back into place.
Without too much drama, the process was more or less reversed. Everything was bolted back in place, and it was now time to lift the truck down from it supports and see if everything worked like it should.
“Right, we lift on three,” Takaraya said. “Kivenaal, Malavera, you get those toolboxes out of the way.”
“One, two, three!” Takaraya counted, moments before, yet again, the Rugger was hauled into the air, the toolboxes slid out of the way, and then quickly settled back onto the ground. “No one’s got gas in their armpit this time?” Malavera asked.
“No gas in the armpits”, Arne said, going back to the cab of the Sanju, grabbing a plastic bag with some beer cans. “But here is some fuel for the crew”, he said, handing them out to the Shift Happens members being at site.
“Hey, those are MINE!”, Marie was screaming from the drivers seat.
“No, they WERE!”, Janne answered. “You will have absolutely no use for them, because you will be driving all the goddamned time!”
“Thanks, I already knew that”, Marie said, more than just a little grumpy. “Imagine if I didn’t have to, then I could have been wasted for hours now instead of the misery of watching you repair the truck, and having to be all sober while watching it.”
“Remember that moonshine you BORROWED from them last year, Marie? Well, time to give something back now!”, Andreas told her.
Kivenaal chuckled. “Well, these will be more than enough to guarantee three members of the crew are going to be a bit… tipsy in camp,” Kivenaal said. “I can handle it quite well, but these three,” Kivenaal said, smirking as he pointed to Kasiya, Malavera, and Takaraya, “they’re likely having this one can and being totaled. We’ll store these in the Carry All, enjoy them once we’re settled in.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had beer before,” Kasiya admitted.
“It goes straight to your head and makes you loopy,” Malavera said. “Fun once in a while, but definitely not something you’ll want to do often.”
“I can handle a couple of these, but even then, I’ll be keeping it light. And I wouldn’t advise trying to get into the Carry All to retrieve them. One of our AI is guarding it, and she’s in control of Kasiya’s powered environmental-protection suit,” Takaraya said.
“No, no, you want to do it all the time”, Andreas said. “Just ask Marie.”
“HEY! I heard that!”, Marie said.
“So do you disagree with me?”, Andreas said.
“Uhm…”
Malavera chuckled. “I’ve had plenty of experience with alcohol, including overdoing it a time or two. Headaches are not fun. It’s way less fun if I’ve really over-done it and end up throwing up.”
“He turns into a vomit volcano,” Kivenaal said with a smirk.
With the Rugger down on the ground, Andreas did some test driving, as good as it was possible in the rift. Everything seemed to work exactly as intended. “Yup”, Janne said. “So, if you do me a last favour then…hold the hood and I’ll bolt it back on the hinges.”
Kasiya nodded, grabbing one corner of the hood, while Takaraya delicately grabbed the other one. Together, they worked to balance the hood on the hinges for Janne, only letting go once he seemed satisfied with how it was lining up.
Slamming the chestnut brown lid shut with a bang, Janne wiped his hands on the now very multicoloured Garfield. “Phew…finally this convoy can get rolling again…thanks a lot!”
“Hey, it’s good to be able to help. Though, to be fair,” Kivenaal said, counting out $100 and passing it to Malavera, who smirked in response, “I thought Marie would have killed the clutch first.” After they said their goodbyes-for-now, the four returned to their trucks, where Kaylie gave a warning over the radio, “Okay people, we’re setting out in 10 minutes. Get your stuff put away, get back in your cars, and get those engines warmed up.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
” Carol puts on a full smile
)
