Shitbox Rally 2023 - Stage 14 (FINISHED!)

Team VSmgAB & Team Shift Happens

Stage 1 Drive (VSmgAB)
Stage 1 Drive (Shift Happens)
Stage 2 Drive/Camp (Shift Happens)
Stage 2 Camp (VSmgAB + Shift Happens)
Stage 3 Camp (VSmgAB + Hillbilly Rollers + Aeromad + Ambassadors) Part 1, Part 2
Stage 4 and 5; “send it!”
Stage 6 and 7 “Catching Up” (VSmgAB)
Stage 8 “Target Practice” (VSmgAB and Shift Happens)
Stage 13.2 part 1
Stage 13.2 part 2

After a long afternoon of playing what seemed like every board game that had been invented, Valentin just wanted to be alone for a bit. He politely declined to join in on the next game, mentioning only that he was going to go walk the beach for a moment now that it was quiet. He left the Shift Happens crew and walked past the silent firing range, heading for the rock formation that he’d seen earlier in the day.
Once there, he carefully ascended to the top of it, a process made much more difficult due to sub-optimal shoes and compromised balance courtesy of an immobilized arm.
Eventually, an absolutely stunning view unfolds itself:
A remarkably blue ocean spanned the view ahead as far as the eye could see. A small number of boats were milling about at sea, presumably owned by some wealthy individuals for recreation.
To Valentin’s left, there was the beach he came from. The finish line of Shitbox Rally 2023, complete with (almost) all competitor cars and their respective owners. To his right, the rock formation he was sat on continues, gently sloping back down to sea level, where another beach was found. A couple of crude wooden piers poking out into the ocean served as a small harbor for the sailors in front.

Sat atop the rocks for the better part of two hours, he simply watches the local population, wildlife and nature do it’s thing, eventually lying down and closing his eyes to acoustically take it all in.
Another half an hour or so passes before Valentin is somewhat rudely taken out of his meditative state as Mary ascends the formation to join Valentin up there.

“Hello? Who is there?” Valentin asks as he is not enough of a contortionist to see Mary just yet.
“Mary here. Hope I’m not disturbing you with anything that you are doing up here,” she replied while approaching further, to the point of practically being directly above Valentin now.

“Not really, other than contemplating life and all that…” Valentin mentioned.
“Now that I am out of the army… well… navy, I also have things to contemplate, I guess…”, Mary explained, sitting down next to Valentin and looking out to sea, just like he did earlier.

Valentin did not feel like digging into Mary’s life choices, interests and such, so he kept quiet. Instead, Mary decided to do the same with Valentin’s past:
“I know i am drilling deep with us barely knowing each other and such, but… was it really a military van that… umm… was less-than-smart about driving?”

“One: I have nothing to lose by sharing, so ask away all you want. Helps me cope.
Two: I do not remember a whole lot first hand. All I DO know is that a military-looking 9 seat van passed my group of 40 cyclists. Next I know, I am in ICU a couple of days later.
Three: Norse has SEEN it all first-hand, but please keep this topic away from him. He is mentally strained because of it…” Valentin explained.

“40 cyclists?” Mary inquired.

“Or thereabouts… some friends, among which Norse, and I am hosting a once-weekly bike ride for everyone vaguely fast enough to keep up. And it was during one of those rides where i got to know the back door of that van very intimately…” Valentin recalled, now rising back up to a seated position as well as he could.

“Gosh that must’ve hurt!” Mary exclaimed.

“I do not remember anything after the impact itself. What I got told after the fact is that out of roughly 20 people injured, two had to be flown to hospital. I was one of them and also the first to be flown. Suffice to say that the recovery was worse than the actual crash…” Valentin sighed.

On that note, the pairing stayed silent for another 15 minutes or so until Mary mustered enough bravery to make an important statement. Important to Mary, anyway…

“Ummm… Valentin?”
“Did I tell you that I like you? Like… REALLY like you?”
“Well I’m telling you now… I REALLY like you!”
“Take your time to process things, then.”

Valentin did take his time to process things, laying back down to free his mind from the pained wrist.

“So… You see myself being your boyfriend?”
“In that case… a few words of ‘warning’. One, this would be my first actual relationship if we declare this as official. Two, because of this, I am pretty much inexperienced in anything romance or any typical ‘couple things’. Three, please do not expect me to treat you any differently because of this relationship status.”
“You never have even looked for a woman to partner up with?”
“Not really. I just had other things to do that i saw as being more important.”
“Ah so you are the ‘not actively looking’ kinda guy?”
“Seems like it, yes.”
“So, is it official?”
“As said already, please do not expect me to give you special treatment of any kind. Apart from that, you can call me your boyfriend as much as you want, I guess.”
“Works for me. sweet!

The newfound couple spent another hour or so on the rock formation until a bit past sunset, thus ticking off their first truly romantic experience before heading back to camp.


Team Slow
Chapter 3, Part 1- Finale?

In the past several stages, things started going wrong with our car, the most recent is the shocks getting FUBAR’d, and giving a less-than-desirable journey. But they didn’t mean the end. Thankfully. In our definition, the drive to the next city, Shippingburg, it went well for us.

Matt follows the rest of the drivers going to the beachside, because apparently that’s where we’ve stopped for a bit. A huge departure i’d say from the constant driving. After some more driving, we make it to the beachside, He gets out of the car and does his own thing. “Izzy, here’s the keys if you need to move the car”, and then he gives Izzy the keys.

She then gets into the driver seat, starts the already-beaten up car that probably looks like it should’ve been scrapped 16 years ago, and drives a suitable distance away from the crowds, (for the sake of NOT kicking sand in their eyes), and does a couple of FWD reverse donuts, before soon after being stuck in the sand.

Matt hears the revving from afar, after fishing at the beachside. He mutters to himself “What the fuck did that idiot do?”, He goes back with his finds, which were a pendant, God knows who that belonged to. A saltwater fish of some kind, No sharks were caught . Or whales, by then Izzy gave up on trying to get the car out of the sand she dug herself into.

Matt gets a shovel out of the fairly-sizable trunk, and starts digging a path, along with finding some sticks as makeshift traction mats. Izzy, gets off her teenage-like mindset despite being in her 20s, also gets out of the car to help place down the sticks so it can grip.

Matt: Y’know, next time don’t fuck up that badly?

Izzy: You can’t really talk cause you drove so hard you shredded like four tires a few stages back, but yeah alright.

Matt: Make sure the sticks don’t just slide out, I’ll get into the car, You push.

Izzy agrees, as Matt gets into the car, while Izzy is trying her hardest to push the car out, Some effort later and it sets free. After parking the car where it was, usually near the other teams, they sit in the car and talk about things

“It’s been so long since we’ve entered this year’s challenge.” Izzy says with a nonchalant mannerism

“Good one, I actually wonder what’s going on in Earth.” Matt agrees with her to keep it going

“Suprised this thing actually made it this far. Other than the fact it has no shocks, and on the edge of life.” Izzy sighs at the end of the sentence, whilst looking at the sky, sitting in the car.

“Well, I still got last year’s surfboard here somewhere. I know it’s here,” She gets up from her seat, climbing to the back area and brings the board towards her, and out of the open car window.

“That’s quite a wonderful board, You’re gonna go into the water with it?” Matt says to her.

“Abso-fucking-lutely! If you allow me i’m gonna go change into some swimming gear.” Izzy says with an enthusiastic tone, She then gets her swimming clothes, and gets out of the car, and does it somewhere private, after less than a minute, she comes back, puts her other clothes in the car.

“Lookin’ good!” Matt says in an attempt of flattery. Izzy compliments him back.

Isabella runs towards the water soon after getting the surfboard, then gets into the water, with the surfboard and starts surfing around on the water for a while, Matt sits by and watches her on the water. Hopefully this goes well.


OOC: Open to interaction whilst out here at the beach

1 Like

Team Mravolinski-Chitco
Part 13.1

Im fine, this is fine. Oh really? Here, have a fine.

This part will follow path of two…teams. I guess one of which shall be described as “team” due to…reasons, mostly outlined in first pragraph from picture below.

So, lets get the chaos started…


Horn got activated for who knows what time. Engine was trying to deal with fuel for which its not designed.
Scent of old-lady perfume could have been smelled from far away.
Yes, Leopolda is back in her car after she was released from prison and clearly is not in good mood.


One couldn’t help but wonder how she isn’t dead yet, how is car still in one piece and how no locals got either material or body damage. We will chalk it up to favourable circumstances to her…somehow.

Oh, i have an opportunity…parry this you filthy normies

She saw a vehicle diving for the dirt shoulder.
Usually police might stop such behaviour, but these were special as were events in them

-He is dying
-No shit, he just survived yeeting himself off the road. At this point he should consider himself lucky for being alive at all.
He wasnt alone there. Hey, can you radio our mates in front?

Radio was activated

-Fuckers, how is it going out there? Is the road clear?
-Call us “fuckers” one more time and i swear im going to stick this stethoscope so far up your ass it will exit on other side
-Chill. How is the other lovebird?
-Broken, but we are really trying all we can to give them a chance for continuing the life.
-Seems there is queue slowly accumulating for some reason.
Gonna turn on sirens and lights.

Sentence was followed by appropriate action

-Gonna contact my friend, he works in police. Might know what is happening.
-Ok, tell us what you found.

This connection has ended and there is some fiddling in order to determine if he is in range.
He is.

-Why are you stupid enough to go this way? Arent you aware of accident that has happened here?
Dump truck had got on its side
-Ah, just the person i was looking for.
-Oh its you
-Yes, and some girl close to dying in back. She and her boyfriend found out hard way that leaving the road at high speeds is not good for health. Boyfriend is also coming, so make sure two ambulances can safely pass.
We dont have much time.
-Its tight fit in here.
-We have some of best drivers in our team behind wheels here. We all, including you, took oath to serve our fellow citizens: just doing different jobs to do so.

Pause on other end, pretty much eternity for ambulances here

-Lower speed somewhat, but path is clear enough to pass this shit.
-Is truck driver ok?
-Your colleagues had picked him up already, now waiting for plow truck to move the cargo off the road and crane to lift this thing back on wheels.

Now connection between ambulances is re-established.

-We shall be careful, but can pass.
-Ok, noted.

First ambulance saw they can neatly pass between cars in queue and police cars that are parked beside the road, so it went for gap.
Few people on path heard sirens or were informed in timely manner, so they got back in cars or chilled with police on other side.

-Yes, my ingenuity knows no bounds

Leopolda reversed as much as she could, sharply turning to right.
Everyone went wide-eyed as she attempted to get behind first ambulance, especially the driver of second one.

-Gonna chase that bitch
-Wait until she clears this mess
-Ofc…putting all of us in danger…it insults me as both policeman and person.

Chase was on and now we observe the masterful speed and power.
Leopolda easily passed ambulance she followed and they had proven to be no match for what this policeman was packing, making this truly a battle between skill and tool.
At this point, she was too familiar with police here to think they will wave her away, so she tried to properly step on it using more technologically advanced vehicle to counter greater skill of pursuer.
However, very specific and sudden meat sausage meant her abilities would quickly go down the drain…

-Damn, its hot day out there. Im soaking sweaty. Its hard being father to so many children and also being husband.
-Pedro, have you shut off boiler heater?
-Yes i did. I do it every time before i take bath.
-Just checking, wouldnt like for you to get electrocuted if isolation fails and you are on shortest path to the ground.
-Im not willing to demise in such way either.

My family always keeps boiler heater on, except when going to bath. Then its turned off, for safety reasons. We are sure its properly isolated from water its supposed to heat up and that grounding is done correctly when that was engineered
Despite that, we leave nothing to fate here…and so does Pedro

-This is so refreshing and nice
-Dad i need to go to bathroom
-…Ok, son, be quick.

He stepped out of shower (or bath; irelevant for us) got towel around private area and unlocked the door to kid that was on verge of poop

-Do you need any help buddy?
-No. whats that big thing behind you?
-What big thing…AAAAAAAAAA

She came

-Not again. Tell me he was atleast presentably clothed.

Kid giggled

-He had towel around pee-pee.
-Oh thats less than ideal

Kid was pointing at something.

-Oh no.

That something is a towel.


Pedro quickly came to senses and realised he is elsewhere.
He then heard some gibberish in foreign language, turned around and saw police roadblock
Then multilanguage term AAAAAAAAAAA came around from other direction.
Car was speeding towards him with woman driving speedily.
Probably not the best moment for realising you are without clothing.

-It must have slipped when i fell. Oh well, my Emperor’s will works strangely today

Leopolda was already pumped up with adrenaline due to chase in which she participated. Fact that someone had appeared out of nowhere on road ahead would just increase that.
Then she realised thats roadblock set for her behind this figure.
Seeing that figure is

  • younger
  • male
  • without clothing
    might have just sealed the deal.


Pedro decided to try to hop in (its cabrio, so no roof atm) and thanks to fact Leopolda’s leg got on brake that was made easier. Just as she went unconscious, Pedro managed to jump in and steer, also activating hand brake to make it scrub tad bit more speed sideways.

-This was most action i did in long time and that says something.

It was decided he might be able to drive her (he understood her words of complain about heart, meaning they understand each other).
Given some money and clothes, he was pointed towards certain place

-Paper with crumbs on it equals garbage.
-Only garbage i see here is your brain
Get out of my eyesight
-No problem

He left

-He he. We just need to rejoin the highway and then exit the highway to go towards very big city.
-Lets go then. And…step on it.

Driving to best of their abilities, Krta and his team found themselves on highway and already going at speed limit even tho they just entered.
Seeing that “step on it” means going as fast as possible, that isnt going to stay for long.

-I notice you are speeding little bit. Its my first speeding ticket…

Policeman got shit-faced upon such wild response from guy he talked to
This however, was just the beggining in what was likely the quest to get all fines that Aetherian police can offer on highway.

-Ok, thank you for payment of all fines
Wide shit-eating grin
-Im sure superiors will be glad to hear that you are clear.
-You are an idiot, thats foreign money.
-Their currency, which we cant use at all here.
Get them back here.
-You dont react to direct order from superior?
-Yes, i have an idea where they might be ending up.

Puzzled police officer

-Lets go to the beach, have some fun and maybe catch some criminals
-Im not convinced, but as this seems to be under control of colleagues its worth a check.

Title for following part…

...and some beach-placed (mis)adventures

Group really enjoyed being pissed off at queue, about as much as yours truly enjoyed waiting for similar reasons during vacation.
Thankfully, reasoning for wait was just a truck tipped over, nothing too serious.

-Skill issue
-Hopefully everyone is alright
-Seems they are alright indeed
-Is this it?
-In…what sense?
-This journey…after this stage, we are back in Nevada?
-Yes, map says so.
-Ok then


-This was nice journey. Well, as nice as it could be to have breakdowns every now and then.
-Both vehicles are still absolutely operational.
-We can see that.
-Looking forward to next one?
-I guess atleast someone would do so.
Probably we are about to see big return next year, hopefully more interaction with others too.
-They did organize this well.
That raw feeling of being by yourself and experiencing everything route and car will throw at you might be found strangely appealing, but i guess organizers are happy that there were no incidents of any kind.
-Well, thats why they hired this army of theirs
-Ngl i was looking forward to see some action

-You are fighting robot, Chicota, ofc you would be drawn to fighting.
-I mean yes, but i feel they could have proven their worth in some fight. I dont request duking it out with den of Dyre, but i feel some small fight could be ultimate exercise.
-Im pretty sure they can organize some fighting scenario, but i doubt they brought something like paintball or…well alternative to live ammo and real weapons.
-Gotta agree, but could have been useful.

Sadly, such exercises may not prevent said forces to drop like flies in numbers due to reasons mentioned in some earlier read above (TL.DR: Madrias and Elizipeazie collabed on this beach stage. Likely worth a read to fully grasp what im talking about)

-This isnt going to be missed.
-Ah yes, lets fill it up

Saguaro had required its usual top-up. Probably still tolerable while its fuel you need to put in on regular basis and not, ya know, oil.

-I hope in meantime we will get some more fuel efficient choices as this is suboptimal by all measures.
-Our choices are too small and too limited in numbers anyway, so we are going to get some more cars regardless.
-We will see.

Kontir arrived first and as its users started to pour out, Saguaro’s handler decided to show off sideways-driving skills and got some sand in other vehicle and people’s mouths.

-What, i just had some fun.
-Have fun elsewhere

He did and decided to follow another team of similar idea.
As was case with them, he got promptly stuck but unlike Team Slow, he was all alone in dealing with his mess.
Eventually he too became unstuck, courtesy of his experience of driving in Sweden and some handiwork on removing some sand from under the car

By this point, Leopolda and Pedro had also arrived on beach, but this was some other section of it or was some other beach, but still close to beach currently occupied by SR participants.
Pedro, now in some well-worn uniform no policeman in active service would ever think of putting on (hence why he got it in first place, as police figured he is prefered clothed and is unlikely to impersonate), had finished driving and exited the car, while Leopolda was struggling to do the same

-Im going over there and see if i can pick out some food. Those dont seem like locals
-Whatever. Thanks for not crashing us…along the way…
-I guess no problem. Glad you appreciated my driving skills.

Pedro was now trying to reach other beach. Saw many creatures beyond even wildest comprehension along the way and on said beach.
Something weird on the sky? Hmm, suspicious

sound of something hitting water
sound of drowning granma of sorts
Amanda has unwillingly gone into water, knowing full well what follows


Amanda has thrown this granma to solid ground and towards unsuspecting Mat


Some tumbling on ground followed.

-Ouch. Name is Sora. My beloved Emperor took me out of water.
-She might had attempted to kill you, as that was lot of speed
looks into water and realises WHO threw her
I may need some explanation
-Comes from world where VerBanka and her derivatives would rule. But she nay find it disrespectful to call her anything but Emperor.
And before you ask, she isnt here.

Sora picks herself up, bruised and beaten but determined.

-Better tell me that either of you two lead this group, as no other choice would deal with it as efficiently and good.
-Can be said so, yes. That would be me, as Amanda decided to not be concerned about supplies, route etc. She is here to kick ass, but has no opportunity to do so.
-Very funny
-If you want to join conversation, Amanda, feel free to do so. But please use mouth to speak and not fists.
-Boring leaves close area
-Im ok, but remember much better days.
-You can go with us for now, then we will see what we can do when back to Earth

Pedro sensed that maybe leaving Leopolda alone isnt good idea.
But, he saw enough to know there will be some food avaiable courtesy of recognising Sora and both VerBanka’s derivatives.
Leopolda was asleep now, but he still couldnt shake off that something could happen
Also, too tired to think much of it, as he drifted to sleep…


Stage 14:

Shippingburg to SR Starting Area, Nevada through the Rift

Temperature at mid-day: 20°C

Weather Conditions: Dead calm, with a cloudy dark blue sky, very slightly humid.

Camp Challenge: None. (Unofficially, “How fast can you leave the heat?”)

After what had been, quite honestly, a very long journey, it was time to return back to Earth. For the final time in Nehmenweld, thousands of horsepower resonated from several exhaust pipes, some in good shape, some rusty, some that were barely there at all, before everyone headed for the exit gate, another of those amusingly simple metal sheds with a portal in it.

Unlike the first time, there was almost no hesitation from teams as they drove into the navy-blue darkness. Headlights cut through the “night” as the various battered and beaten cars rolled into the land of no stop-signs, no speed limits, and no gas stations. As a result, people drove in the convoy as intended, making stops for fuel as required, as well as a major stop caused by a number of broken down vehicles.

Finally, the exit was in sight, and everyone rolled out into the hot Nevada sun, greeted immediately upon arrival by wind-blown dust that rustled over everyone’s vehicles, dirtying already filthy, fading paint even further. As the celebrations had been performed the night before, this year, people were free to depart immediately, or if they really wanted to, to stick around long enough to grab a burger or two from Kayden’s grill.

Results Here: SR2023 Stage 14 - Google Drive

And for something a little different, instead of individual write-ups, as we’re all traveling as a group, I’m writing out our “stage blurb” as a group instead.

For most of the teams who had already survived the grueling challenge, driving home through the Rift was a peaceful experience, complete with a nearly 12 hour rest right in the middle of it, courtesy of several major breakdowns.

The break started when the reliable old bus, Priscilla II, suddenly lost power. Not really wanting to stop, the crew in the Juggernaut offered a tow, which was accepted, and for almost another hour, disaster had been averted. Unfortunately, it didn’t stay that way, as the dry-rotted tires on the Juggernaut started to pop under the strain of dragging a bus, one by one, until they were forced to stop as well to replace all of the tires.

The crew in the IVERA Executive, the Willow, and the Papillona all got out to help with repairs as needed, floating from car to car, team to team as miniature disasters and minor catastrophes erupted all around them. Whether it was the driver of the Ambassador, in a moment of boredom, deciding to fry the rear tires until both tires burst, the crew of the VanGo trying to debug the electrical gremlins causing their gauge light party, or the Ilaris Imbe finally going silent after sounding like a bunch of empty spray paint cans in a cement mixer, there was plenty to fix.

Of course, Kivenaal got his promised moment to try driving the Sanju Wolverine while everyone was busy fixing things, and managed to “break” the suspension in 15 minutes. Of course, Marie instantly got the blame for it from the number of times she’d hit potholes, the rear bumper of the Rugger, and various other small things over the course of the rally. The “breakdown” was really nothing more than a broken bolt letting the driver’s side front shock absorber loose, causing a very uncomfortable ride. With a spare bolt, a jack, and a lot of swearing, the shock absorber was fixed, and Kivenaal spent a few more minutes driving circles around the impromptu parking lot.

As for the other issues… The Spy Kids popped one of their tires and had to find Jayde, something that was surprisingly easier-said-than-done in this mess. Kate’s 1325 Facelift overheated badly when sitting still, explaining her need for speed in most stages.

Eventually, the VanGo’s obnoxious electrical gremlin was fixed, the Ambassador’s rear tires were replaced with a couple of spares from those who had similar tires available, the 1325 had cooled off, the Spy Kids eventually found Jayde sitting up on the roof rack of the Home Unit and convinced him to fix the tire, and the Ilaris was eventually resuscitated with an oil-pan completely filled up with gear oil to keep it at least quiet for the remainder of its trip back to Earth.

As the vehicles left the Rift in an orderly single-file line, they rolled out into the sandy, dusty hell that was Nevada in April.

Kayden set up a small grill and started a batch of burgers, but it was Kasiya who decided to address the crowd himself by climbing up on top of the Home Unit and speaking loud and clear enough to be heard by everyone there.

“We started in the sand, here, at this point, 14 days ago. We finished in the sand, here, after a trial that most people would never have gone through. For both teams and their cars, this was a trial by fire. Kaylie and Rukari have given me a list of people who won something, they want me to read it for all of you, but, in my opinion,” Kasiya said, holding the papers up, “everyone who participated is a winner!” At that point, he tossed the papers in the air and jumped down with a heavy thud, like someone had dropped a small car in the sandy parking lot.


Team Shift Happens

Total Time: 201:18:54


VS Mobil Generator AB

Total Time: 162:20:30


Team M.A.D.

Total Time (Walkenhorst): 129:31:25

Total Time (Sakura Citrine): 140:42:36


Team Sinesian Rejects

Total Time (Ilaris Imbe): 180:06:50

Total Time (Itan Ute): Did Not Finish


Team Not-So-Slow

Total Time: 168:36:33


The Ambassadors

Total Time (IVERA Executive): 151:07:42

Total Time (Mayland Ambassador): 143:11:18


The Knockouts

Total Time (1325 Facelift): 121:49:12

Total Time (Papillona 606 S): 146:30:36


Team Mravolinski-Chitco

Total Time: 171:13:31



Total Time: 216:25:31


Team Flaming Gallahs

Total Time: 146:17:35


Team Friendship! :smiley:

Total Time: 145:12:54


Team Hillbilly Rollers

Total Time: 220:34:07


Team Sane Insanity

Total Time: 160:21:30


Faolan Industries

Total Time: 169:51:20


Team Taciturn

Total Time: 141:56:04


Team ReUnity

Total Time: 56:28:30


Team Spy Kids

Total Time (Reekayns): 162:29:56

Total Time (Mocabey): 91:21:49


Team J3

Total Time: 239:13:33

@JCurtiss96 & @Leone

Team Aeromad

Total Time: 188:34:21

@Tzuyu_main & @FallingComet

Team Black Rabbit Disavowed

Total Time (Seikatsu): 103:47:26

Total Time (Dauer): 111:48:22


Sheriff Scott’s Posse

Total Time: 147:15:29


Team “486”

Total Time: 74:29:36


Team Magdelena

Total Time (Baumhauer): 162:04:07

Total Time (Hinode): 116:38:45


Team Machinas Con Passione

Total Time (Blue Wonder): 136:14:22

Total time (Faenza Spirito): 116:19:34

@GetWrekt01 & @That-S-Cop

Cunning Stunts

Total Time: 141:07:00


Team Till D End

Total Time: 184:58:03



Total Time (RV): 145:24:24

Total Time (MCMOTD): 113:16:18


Team Gunship

Total Time: 158:10:03


4 Dicks in a Truck

Total Time: 119:26:01

And so there it is, the conclusion of Shitbox Rally 2023!

Unlike last year, where I announced winners of little awards for fun, well, I didn’t plan for that this time.

What Kasiya said is pretty much my thought pattern - Everyone here is a winner, because all of you made a cast of characters and a car or two, then threw them into this trip.

Things will be different next year. Yes, I’m confirming now that, life permitting, there will be a Shitbox Rally 2024. Some things are certain to change - We’re going a bit more back to basics. No power unit in camp, aggression goes away, and we go back to one vehicle. Some rules will be simplified. Other rules will be added. There’s a plan to limit the length of breakdowns. If we can make it work, something new and exciting coming for reliability.

What am I saying? Basically, I’m saying that I do listen. We can’t please everybody, but we can at least make a few changes to keep this challenge running smoothly.

About the only hint I can give you guys that’s set in stone is that I’ll be breaking the “one team per person” rule to field two teams. Shift Happens will return as the host team, but… The Highway Hooligans weren’t lying either - They will return.


Went off with a bang, loved it so far.

Team Mravolinski-Chitco
Final part

Next day=beach day

Leopolda had stabilized in terms of health and was now able to go out and about.
Fact that her heart seemed to weaken somewhat was in no way going to change the fact this is still one entitled bitch. Good thing is that she was seemingly alone again

-I had arrived.
-Besides the Emperor, who tf cares…Oh, its you, Pedro.
-Yes. Seems you found yourself quite the company out here.
-And im staying with them.
Chicota noticed clothing on Pedro
-What’s the deal with police cosplay?
-I was showering when i dropped into this world. First group of people i had met were policemen.
Obviously not exactly best clothing ever or in best condition tbh, but they suit me well and im not naked
Andrea giggled
-Are you interested in joining us for little bit until you can get back to your own family and world?
-Not that i have much of an option, havent i?

Krta and his group had also arrived in meantime, although they parked at safe distance at which they would hardly raise suspicion

-Seems they are chilling on the beach
-What do we say to boss?
-Snaps some photos Nothing.

They return and Krta is presented with photos

-Time to go, then. Its unlikely they will be attacked by something in such manner we can join in.
-But we are hungry. Cant we sneak in and pretend we are interested locals to get some food?
-Nevada also has food and we have currency that atleast can be exchanged there and hope of some common language.

Hungry or not, these “speshul forces” had gotten packing stuff and preparing for departure, which was to be done on another beach

-Oh wtf, i thought you said they were placed on just one beach?
-They are…oh no, i recognise both the car and its owner…
-Oh hello there. We meet again. You lot should bow down to your queen
-whispering into ear of another guy Can we kill her and attempt to make it look like an accident?
-answering in same manner Oh i wish, but i guess boss wouldnt be pleased on wasting resources like that
-We are going back to Earth. Wanna join us?
-Definitely, i want to be understood as queen that i am.

Rolled eyes across the entire group. Hopefully this arrangement isnt for long
Either way, their group (+ Leopolda) had went back to Earth and are therefore not on Nehmenweld beaches

Andrea had decided to go for a walk, kinda similarly to Valentin. She too, like Mary, had certain thing to contemplate and of similar kind.
She was also passing nearby rock formation and saw Valentin

-thinking Do i go over and say hi?

Very enthusiastic YESS! had prevented her from doing so
Lemme quote the context, originally written by Elizipeazie

On that note, the pairing stayed silent for another 15 minutes or so until Mary mustered enough bravery to make an important statement. Important to Mary, anyway…

“Ummm… Valentin?”
“Did I tell you that I like you? Like… REALLY like you?”
“Well I’m telling you now… I REALLY like you!”
“Take your time to process things, then.”

Valentin did take his time to process things, laying back down to free his mind from the pained wrist.

“So… You see myself being your boyfriend?”
“In that case… a few words of ‘warning’. One, this would be my first actual relationship if we declare this as official. Two, because of this, I am pretty much inexperienced in anything romance or any typical ‘couple things’. Three, please do not expect me to treat you any differently because of this relationship status.”
“You never have even looked for a woman to partner up with?”

-Andrea for herselfOh my, that was very enthusiastic Yes. Such happiness. That feeling when you hear one word and its almost like you heard whole conversation.
This reminds me that i have certain…business i need to take care of.

Just to be clear, YESS! was indeed only thing Andrea heard from conversation above. But even that one word can reveal a lot as it was said with great enthusiasm.
Andrea did assume and coincidentally she may be correct, but her own love situation took precedence and she would need more concrete proof of Schrant-Jacknabbit relationship anyway.
With this, she strolled back into camp.

-Hello and welcome back. You enjoyed the walk?
-Yes and…it got me thinking.
-Could i possibly help there?
-Well, in a way, yes. You were partially the theme of thought
-Oh? How so?
-I may be willing to give you a chance. Just to be clear, im not yet going to guarantee two of us may work, but…im willing to try.
-I will do my best. YAY

Reaction earned fair bit of chuckle from other members of team that were around at that point
Andrea was also one such member
And thats how this Nehmenweld beach witnessed start of two relationships that were going the distance

-Be happy Sora havent heard you two. She would have complained about your poor choice
-Not confirmed as final, but…i dont care about her opinion on matter.
-You are closest thing to Emperor we have here. Apart from this asshole here.
-“This asshole” can kill you in few seconds.
-Im aware, Amanda. Im also aware you are going to do so only if your physical strength is challenged.
It might also kill the mood.
-smirks Smartass.

Sora arrives in meantime

-What has happened here? What did i missed?
-Amanda and Pedro exchanged feelings for each other, being asshole and smartass to each other, respectively.
-Nice, so i havent missed anything.

Just like Val and Mary, other new pair decided to have romantic moment, lying on camper roof and looking into night sky

-Did you enjoyed the journey?
-How about you?
-It was very nice, apart from bad parts
-Bad parts?
-Too many tire issues for my liking and waay too many refuels of Saguaro.
-Atleast we agree on that. Im not going to miss that part either.
-Isnt the sky nice tonight?
-It kinda is, but i guess i would like to dip myself into that ocean
-Wait for me, i wanna try to swim too.

She kinda prepared

-Thats not intended to be swimsuit.
-Uhhh…yeah, i kinda dont have proper swimsuit. I also kinda don’t care.
Who is even going to see me?
With that sorted out, its time for water.
You must have head above the water and attempt to properly breathe
We will start in water that is shallow enough for you to stand upright and keep head above water.
-Its cold-ish.
-Ye, due to it being chilled out as it is night after all.
I feel that doggy style would be most intuitive swimming style.
-Swimming style of your ancestors
-Shut up

Andrea giggles, after which she was demonstrated the swimming technique
Tad bit later, she was allowed to do it semi-terribly, but still somewhat usable.

-Trying to do this in ocean, whole learning-to-swim thing…prob not the smartest idea.
-lifting her entirely above water You wanted to say something?
-Well you gotta start somew…NOOOOOO

splash, few seconds later followed by him lifting her again
-You did it on purpose
-Ye…and water is shallow enough for you to just stand up.
-Its too cold out here. Return me to the water.
he obliged
another splash, this time with her finding her own footing and standing up by herself
-Im great teacher, look how fast you learn
-Ye, bcos i can stand up here
-What, you want to learn how to do it when water is too deep to stand up?

Look of “Really needed to ask this?”
-Maybe, but enough of throwing
-But thats best part
-You enjoy this way too much
-I say that there is no “too much” here. Ofc i would enjoy to spend time with you
-By throwing me in water
-But i also pick you up from said water.
-How about we go gradually from one phase to next? Take it slowly and gently. Im talking overall, not just about swimming.


-Ok. Here we go again…

following hour or two were spent in tad bit more serious fashion, so Andrea actually learns how to thread water and also rest
This being finished, they exit water and Andrea changes clothing. She heads to sleep, following example of others already asleep.

Return to Earth and beyond

Probably most interesting thing here is that Saguaro had two fuel stops.
“B-but Madrias had listed only one”
Yes, that would be the one in Rift. Another one happened further down the line and is nevertheless kinda important

As i believe you lot might be interested in how team acted upon all impromptu stops, to note that out quickly: Noone was particularly happy about it, but still patiently waited.
Chicota and Mat would also try to help out in few cases, where possible, but their role in fixing stuff was unremarkable.
Amanda was not happy about fact Saguaro was nearing the bottom of its tank and it was her that topped it up in Rift, using spare fuel onboard of Kontir.

There was also some hanging out in Nevada, which was mostly spent by stocking up on burgers and saying goodbye to host teams.

Regarding Krta’s team and Leopolda, tension was in the air.
It was pretty well known that former despised latter by this point.
Happily, once again, she decided to separate from them, likely getting into trouble where she may regret this decision.
Superior speed and power of her car meant she soon left them well behind her.

In short, she DID got into big trouble.

Fair bit of warning on next part: There arent any details, but central event in it might not be pleasant read.

Leopolda hit the ground with no pump to keep her running

Back to group composed of Saguaro, Kontir and people inside of them

-We gotta try to retune Saguaro to not be such a gas-guzzler.
-Maybe when we get back home…wherever that may be.
But for now, we will hit fuel station, like one just ahead of us.

They got to this small secluded fuel station. People were tense and quiet. It gave off really bad vibe.

-I smell…trouble…
-Seems something happened here that resulted in mess

Chicota decided to investigate this whole scene while cars were refueled.
Then he saw her

-Oh, seems there was some trouble.
What happened?
-She was very rude to us and caused mess in shop. Some of us didnt like it so we chased her. Dropped like a stone on that dirt patch.
You knew her?
-Not personally. Sorry, we may be merely able to pay for our own fuel, but not much more.
inspects her Seems she got heart attack.
-We want nothing to do with her.
-No problem, we will deal with it.

Pedro also got out

-Here is her car.
-From what we gathered, she wanted to fill it up for free. Saying she is some kind of queen doesnt guarantee such discount, especially if you are bitching about it.
-I will take her car to drive.
-Ok. We want nothing to do with her anyway.

Two cars in, three cars out

Meantime, tad bit away, but still able to observe the station…

-We got far enough?
-Yes. Our boss, Krta, might be amused to hear that annoyance is dealt with.
We are going to deal with Mravolinski-Chitco group…soon…
Cut their morale in tiny pieces with our…secret weapon.

sounds emitted by said weapon could be heard in background, some may say that they bring bad memories

Wrap up

Silence. Nobody says a word. No other sound is emited.

-I lost a wife fair few decades ago, but…now…its official.
-Edward, care to explain?
-Im King here, that should be respected.
But valid question.
-You may be King of this kingdom, but we mostly interacted outside of it. Besides, we always refered to you by your given name, not by title
-Excuses, excuses…now give me some moment to word asked-for explanation

Edward knows exactly what is he talking about and decides to immerse himself in memory of time period

-Leopolda i knew at the beggining was absolutely best possible woman one can desire. Im aware you can hardly believe, but young woman or well…maybe even tad bit bigger girl was absolute sweetheart back then.
I may be prince at that time, but saw no class barriers as issue.
She may had been common folk, but her beauty and behaviour had won me over.
I married her as result.

took sip of water

-Im not sure when and how change came to be, but she indeed changed. I was helpless to whole situation, maybe hoping she will not get consumed by royal title and power that such brings…
Was it before my dad died and i became king? Not sure and likely doesn’t matter in the end.
I did everything i could to please her, but i dont think it might had been enough.

One visitor spoke, as they saw an opening

-Not sure if this would have been insulting thing to even think about, but couldnt you remarry for someone else?
-Its not that simple, but can’t say i haven’t thought of that myself.
Couple of issues with idea:

  • She had developed immense jealousy towards literally any other female i may interact with. I doubt i need to explain that said jealousy could be quite violent…im sure you lot do happen to know that very well
    Never killed anyone, but i know she had intentions to do so

Chicota interrupted

-Yes, we know of one girl that was on her hit list. But her plans would always happen to badly backfire on her.
-Hardly a surprize and this neatly fits into another reason why i havent remarried

  • My age might easily make me too old to be considered interesting husband. Im not young by almost any means you can picture, going towards wrapup of my 7th decade since birth.
    I certainly wouldnt mind having younger partner, but potential and nowadays rare partner would prob not be excited about such proposition.


-I guess that her economic background doesnt matter?
-Indeed it doesnt, not that im allowed to be picky cracks a smile
-Look, you arent such a bad choice as you picture yourself.
Some niceties are fairly obvious: she becomes a queen, which is indeed very lovely position for fair bit of reasons.
You are nice person and, despite being royal blood from very beggining, arent looking down upon other people in kingdom
-Not to mention i would sometimes happen to be outside of said kingdom.
-True that. Point is: maybe you see that as something to be expected, but truth is that many monarchs are, in fact, entitled and not caring about their people.
You also dont look age you indicate.

Edward looked at his muscled body. He knew that Andrea speaks truth, but also knows how said physique is obtained

-Back when Leopolda was…facelifted, i also took opportunity to do so. My former fat tissue now bows down to muscle. Im still on bigger side, but now with more capability of propelling myself.
This is not naturally obtained physique and besides, no guarantee my organs would match this state.
So, for all effective means and purposes, im still pretty much old man.
-Hmmm, you have all the ingredients to keep yourself in good shape: access to good food, enough time to exercise, not to mention im sure Klimentol can tweak up those organs to match the muscle
-I find no desire for non-natural enhancements, so i may decline there. Im doing what i can in other mentioned areas, though.
-Then i find no need to worry about being maidenless for long.
-We are going to go back soon.
-Fair enough. I would personally make sure your needs while here are accounted for.
-Sounds sweet

Two creatures are moving in direction. One was powered by redirected sense of revenge, while other was making sure job will be done. Relatively compact human is hardly noticeable besides the beast and will pale in comparison in more ways than physical.
Human ran after a car

-Who tf are you? notices beast How can i be of help?
-Looking for very specific company.
-Hmm, which one?
-One that made your car.
-Dealership is that way, about 2 km away

Thats 1.25 miles for ones that read the text, but enjoy measuring short distance with body parts instead of meter and its derivatives

-Ok, thanks for help to creature Cmon, lets go, stop sniffing the tire
creature gets back to normal height. Well, normal for it, anyway

Either way, they found a destination

-As we had agreed upon earlier, you hide until i whistle
followed by actually whistling That was whistling. Are we clear?

At first they were in state of mutual confusion, but soon words got proper meaning and hiding spot was (somehow) found.
Human continued onward and fair enough…human found exact person that was of interest

-Hello there.
-Hello, i guess?
-I heard you are pretty good fighter. I prefer to put it on test.
-I can defend myself if thats of your interest, but can hardly imagine being classed as good fighter.
-Interesting…but i allow no excuses

whistles, which results in most of their two-member team also appearing

-Ah yes, definition of good fighter is simply to defeat something gigantic

And as such, the fight started…

-We need more cars. Also to organise our…home or homes…
-There will be time for that. You are just eager to go and attempt travelling around again, but this time with car.
-Yes, three of us will appreciate something to be used.
-…Dont tell me she is joining you two
-Someone might be startled by her appearance
-I had thought hard and long on that matter. Realised i dont give a fuck. Will need driver licenses for atleast me and Siviko.
-But in what car are you gonna go to such journey?
-Thats on you lot to find, i merely know how to drive one
-“Merely know how to drive” is insufficient to get driver license
-Sounds like your problem
-My problem? MY. PROBLEM. Its YOU that said document needs to be made for. Its YOU that needs to get it.
-Thats on you lot to find, i merely know that said document is required
-Thats on you lot to figure out?
-Do you think i can just, like…shit it out of my ass? That its sufficient for us to merely make some documents that feature both your name and words “DRIVER LICENCE”?
-I guess so?
-I know how to drive
-I mean, you learn as you go on.

Someone else has joined

-Suggestion. Tone it down, change subject or not talk at all
-Ok. How is she called?

tense look of motherfucker was aimed at Loojoe

-What, she is indeed Rosanda, not that hard to figure out.
-I refered to cat, not to this girl.
-Someone named their cat Rosanda?
-What tf are you talking about, then?
-Six-legged cat, one that is now with Siviko…
-What about her?
-What is her name?
-Of THAT cat?
-She has no name.
-Ask her. Cant guarantee you would understand answer, but you can ask.
-Does either of you understand her?
-How tf you think you can communicate with her, then?
-Life and love always find a way.
-I better stop questioning you before i fry myself arguing
-Good idea. Make sure that our driving licences and car will be ready at that point
-rolls eyes Will look into it…

And thats i guess indeed wrap-up on side of this team related to Shitbox Rally 2023.
Thanks for hosts for hosting and participating, fellow participants for participating and i hope to see you all next year for same thing
Hopefully we will all have more time and motivation that time around on what really makes this competition special, which is roleplaying around

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