Long Post, Ik…
Hey, just a reminder - Check to make sure your car meets the fixture rules before you submit it.
Seriously, this challenge does take a lot of effort to run, and we’re not doing resubmissions this year.
The Rhino Squad is back
Chanty is currently working in her father´s garage, as after their last adventure she decided to make something out of her life. When she takes a smoking break, her father Thomas Nilfert has something … special on the trailer.
Eh, what junk is that?
A Primus Legacy. Early model with the ancient engine and old automatic, ugly color, rusty, damaged. The cheapest large Primus I could get. It´s great for spares. You know that we make advert for service of classic Primus models? We need spares in stock.
The next day, Chanty used her smartphone to look for some distraction after a difficult job on a Primus Merit, and then found out something interessing.
Dad? Can we use this car for something before we rip it apart?
Why should I? Yes, it still runs and shifts and vaguely goes in the direction I steer, but… the value is almost zero, and decent ones are still cheap enough to not turn this junk into one.
How about another … rally event? This is even on another planet!
Thomas dropped his coffee and almost died from laughter.
PFHAHAHAHA WHAT? YOU MEAN SMALL GREEN ALIENS IN AN UFO KIDNAPP US? BWHAHAHAHA
No, dad. They teleport us and the car with a beam.
Yeah, sure. EH! MATEUSZ! TURN OFF THE DAMN ENGINE OF THAT IMPERATOR! MY DAUGHTER HAS HALLUCINATIONS FROM THE EXHAUST GASES!
A few days later, Chanty discusses with her boyfriend Jan.
And you think it works?
Sure! I talked to some teams we met in Sweden, and they say it does.
So, let´s do it then. But will your father hand us over the car?
I know where the keys are… come on, this will be fun. Be my Clyde, because I will be your Bonnie.
You sure?
Mostly… but me being the full responsible mechanic and not having the help of daddy will be… a challenge, I guess… but he thinks I am telling bullshit…
What if we persuade these weirdos from Eberswalde, if they go for it… then I guess, Thomas will believe us?
Well, then call @HermannMatern . Let´s see what they think.
THE RHINO SQUAD
Well, her last name “Nilfert” sounds like Nilpferd, which means hippo, but as Chanty is… not really smart, she mixed it up with rhino, which lead to the team name.
Chanty
Chantal, 20 year old, works in the garage of her grumpy father Thomas. From him she intherited being a petrolhead and therefore wants to join this challenge. She is both an extro- and introvert and can´t stop driving her father crazy by switching between her two personalities. Other than that, she is dumb as bread and acts before she thinks, but propably the most caring and lovely person you could imagine.
Jan
Jan, 22, is Chantys boyfriend. He isn´t that tough guy that Thomas wanted for his daughter. He is very gentle, mostly calm and works in a nursing home. To Thomas, Jan is a douchebag, but over time, they got used to each other and Thomas respects him as he treats his daughter well. Jan is maybe not a good driver, but he is needed to stop Thomas and Chanty from killing each other.
Thomas
The 60 year old Thomas is a man of the old stamp. Grumpy, chain-smoking, always open for a good whisky and dark beer. He owns a service garage and while he isn´t as good as MacGyver, its good enough to live from that. He owns some classic Primus, as he worked for this brand after the fall of the wall, before he was a mechanic for IFA in East Germany. The emotionally unavailable loner is often annoyed by his freaky daughter, but will always help her out in any situation. In fact, Thomas can be a very sensitive and warm person, but he tries not to show that.
The car
As described above, it´s a 1991 Primus Legacy 320. In questionable condition. But within a few days, it could be repaired to a point that it could manage to survive a rally event.
6 Likes
Timeloss
After a hell of a time at the 2023 clunkers run, and junking their old breadbox, Timeloss returns once again for the big event. Connections were made, friendships formed, and a realization that they’re gonna have to run a really trimmed down team for this event. They had a lot of people last time, so slimming is more important than - well - sending everyone.
So, Shall we meet our trio then?
Introduced Left to Right
Selena Winsborough (She/Her)
Selena isn’t actually from out of time, no she’s just a Vampire from a long time ago. She’s been through a bunch of different identities (maybe that’s why she looks familiar?) but kept this one up once she started working for ARRD. She started as a Work Colleague of Ruuka’s, before they became very close friends. (More than Friends, really.)
Selena is Timeloss’ Secondary Driver.
Mirage (She/Her)
Mirage was the first person Ruuka found in her travels, around 2 years ago. She has become the effective 2ic of Timeloss. Mirage is a Wizard from Golarion, who knows a lot about magic, but also nerdy enough she picked up how a lot of mechanical stuff works on Earth. She knows how to make a fix a lot, but doesn’t know how to drive.
Mirage is Primary Navigator as well as being head on Repairs. She won’t be driving because she can’t.
Ruuka Takoyama (She/Her)
Ruuka is the “Leader” of Timeloss, being the first of the group to arrive on Earth nearly 2 and a half years ago. She’s a mech and starfighter pilot from 500 years in the future, who has a personal AI who really wants to help, sometimes too much. Even with being friends with the other two, she’s technically their boss because of the company they work for.
Ruuka is Timeloss’ Primary Driver.
What about the car?
At one point, it was a 1998 Torrento Azreia SE. The group picked it up off a kid on the outskirts of Vegas, however the engine was running on 2 and a half of the 4 cylinders it had and a lot of other stuff was just very broken. Thankfully, Timeloss has more than three people on their team, so Victoria [Mentioned in 2023 Clunkers] and Taylor [Non-forum mentioned character] spent a few weeks tearing and chopping the car up until they ended up with, well, this nightmare machine.
The stock suspension was broken and too expensive to replace, so they didn’t. Grabbed some solid axles from something out of the Twin Suns junk pile, and stuck them on. Got a fat 7L Pushrod V8 from an old work truck and threw that in the front with the gearbox and drivelines from the same truck. Now she’s more a Baja monster than a road racer, but that’s all good.
The base Torrento Azreia was provided to me by @Leone via the Shitbox Rally discord. She let me destroy her child in good faith, so yeah.
5 Likes
It becomes serious
CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT! Why did you mount my plates onto that shitbox? Thats highly illegal. And what do you want with such a barge, you said yourself these old Primus are seriously uncool and ugly.
That with the extraterrestrian rallye was not a lie! We could use this vehicle, and…
Your mother should not have taken you out of that mental hospital when you were 17. Really! Oh… no, please… don´t cry! Sorry, I was mean. But… .seriously… what the hell?
Here! Look yourself before you … say I am crazy. Sniff!
We all are. We are Nilferts. Have you ever seen a sane or underweight Nilfert? Me neither. The only normal one was actually the one locked up early enough in prison, who… well, that´s another topic. Oh, that encrypted e-Mail… what the? Do you really believe that? It´s propably an early April´s fool. Wait… you fixed some of the damage? WITH MY SPARE PARTS? WE ARE LOW ON THEM! THAT IS WHY I BOUGHT THAT DAMN RUSTBUCKET!
Dad, we are a mechanic family, do you really want us to appear with a car that´s barely moving and losing parts?
Eeeeh. No. Let me test drive it myself to see what´s still wrong. Oh, I LOVED the stereos of these. They were the best of the best back then. By the age of the previous owner, I think there is something in the cassette drive.
OOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAH!
DAD! THIS IS AWFUL! TURN THIS OFF! OR AT LEAST REWIND TO ANOTHER ONE.
CHERI CHERI LADY, LOOKI…
OH MY GOD!
No Chantal, THAT was music, not the Tarzan yells you listen to…
Dad! The screen went off!
Known error with very old Primus OICs. Just slap on it like… THAT! BANG! You see? It´s fixed. Legacys aren´t that hard to keep running if you know them well. Sounds like someone has already removed the converter. I might put some lead in the tank, huh!
So… that lowers the center of gravity and makes us faster?
CHANTAAAAAAL! No! At least you know lead is heavy, thats more than you knew before learning the profession of a mechanic… No, lead prevents knocking but was forbidden later for environmental concerns, and it destroys converters. By the way: These models might have an ancient engine, but the injection system and ECU was top-notch for 1991. The Primus Comtronit (Computer Control Unit) of these days could adapt to a lot if you got the diagnosis computer and the cables, which I of course have. Primus did include such a feature because than engine was also mounted in their offroad car, the Aventura, which ran in countries where fuel qualities were fluctuating. So, here we are, back at the garage.
Uh-oh, the body roll is a bit much.
It just feels like that because you are used to that back-breaking aftermarket crap I refuse to call suspension that you threw in your car. But yes, it could need an alignment and a transmission fluid change. A few shifts were a bit rough. And these transmissions, the A4E, were notorious for trouble, even if the Legacys is less of a nightmare than the early ones in the Imperator II. But hey, it still shifts and the suspension is fine. See that!
DAAAAAAD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Uuuuh-oooh, I should have checked the brakes more in depth before, HOLD ON!
THAT WAS SOOOOO CLOSE! I HATE YOU!
6 Likes
Some familiar faces return, and new ones join. From far flung worlds, or the underside of the law, this group has stood strong in the face of adversity and are no strangers to adventure. The Shitbox Rally is no different, through reality and an unfamiliar world in a beat to shit automobile with like minded people helping each other along.
Unfortunately, someone, specifically someone who was given the task to decide upon the name selected, well… The “Crazy” Eight. Makes sense when you think about it, eight people, V8 engine. Not to mention it’s also a reference to the CSX 8888 “Crazy Eights” runaway incident in 2001. Eight not being a plural noun is a reference to the title of the movie “The Hateful Eight”. Naturally, one of the team thinks it implies that they are all deranged, another thinks he could come up with something better, three aren’t really fazed, one is completely clueless and last but not least the one who came up with the name has been hit by flying slippers at least three times now.
Let's meet them, shall we?
WATCHTOWER
Real Name: Landon T. Sabourne
Race: Vulpine (Bipedal Red Fox)
Nationality: Velkari
Gender: Male
Age: 51 (Birthday - May 17th 1972)
Height: 200cm or 6’ 7”
Weight: 97.5kg or 215 lbs
A returning participant from last year, Landon has recently taken a backseat to his military career, and has taken up mercenary work. That said, he still wears the rank of Supreme General back home, but is currently listed as “temporarily absent”. Admittedly, he’s enjoying the lesser responsibility, and this time he plans to have more fun than worrying. Though, he still knows that there’s probably a bunch of things that have yet to go wrong. More recently, he’s acquired a sword, a weapon he wields with unexplained skill, but is very likely to reserve it for more unique missions.
Appearance using Hero Forge:
BLACK KNIGHT
Full Name: Karl von Heislingberg
Race and Nationality: Caracalian (Bipedal Caracal)
Gender: Male
Age: 25 (28 Earth, adopted birthday of June 28th 1996)
Height: 196cm or 6’ 5” (excluding ear tufts)
Weight: 108kg or 240 lbs
Also returning from last year is Karl von Heislingberg. However, things in his life have changed. For one he’s now in a committed relationship, and second, he’s now in command of a freighter/passenger ship named the Swan, belonging to his family’s interstellar shipping and tourism company. Also new is his new dabbling in mercenary work for the newly established Uni-Ops division at DFN, a private security/military subsidiary of the Dutch shipping conglomerate Van Der Haas International. On the other hand, Karl is still after the sacred cup after last year’s failure and a new lead potentially places it in Holsia.
Appearance using Text: Large framed bipedal caracal, with copper colored eyes, and a rusty brown coat of fur. An elegant athletic build with no disproportionate development, done through a more natural process. Despite being six foot five, Karl is inherently stockier due to Caracalian biology. 240 pounds is on the lighter side for others his age. (I yet again do not have a good reference for Karl, although, I’m pretty sure you can imagine at least roughly what a bipedal caracal may look like for now. 
)
MOUNTAIN MAN
Real Name: Neil Bergmann
Race: Human
Nationality: American
Gender: Male
Age: 41 (Birthday - July 12th 1982)
Height: 192.412cm or 6’ 4”
Weight: 99.3kg or 219 lbs
One of the four humans on this team, Neil Bergmann is not only a man of mountains, but a man of mystery. All that’s known about him to the ordinary person is that he worked for DFN as an elite supervisor for their midwest operations and now heads Uni-Ops. On the flipside, Neil has a past that he would rather remain secret and within specific social circles, although it’s the reason why he’s now working a more legitimate job. His reason for taking part in the rally is because he’s been mostly a loner for the last 20 years and he considers this kind of social interaction good for the psyche and keeping him sane.
Appearance using Face-app:
THE COP
Real Name: Miles Hudson
Race: Human
Nationality: American
Gender: Male
Age: 45 (Birthday - December 10th 1979)
Height: 193cm or 6’ 4”
Weight: 102kg or 225 lbs
The second human is Miles Hudson, and yes, he looks like Neil. Why? Because they’re related. By blood. That being said, they only share a father, and not a mother, which is why Miles’ last name is Hudson and not Bergmann. Ironically, both him and Neil share the same lethal skills, both with marksmanship and hand to hand combat, although Miles’ put his skillset to a nobler cause by choosing to become a police officer. However, as of recently, Miles is no longer in law enforcement, and now works for Uni-Ops as a liaison between them and federal agencies. On the other hand, Miles hasn’t spoken to Neil in over 20 years, and thus he feels like they need to make up for lost time.
Appearance using Face-app:
SMOKESCREEN
Real Name: Kate Huxley
Race: Human
Nationality: American
Gender: Female
Age: 37 (Birthday - September 5th 1986)
Height: 188 cm or 6’ 2”
Weight:76 kg or 168 lbs
The third human on this trip, Kate is not exactly someone who shares much about herself. Only thing that’s been shared so far is that she worked and still works for DFN, has the same level of proficiency when it comes to firearms and hand to hand combat as Neil and Miles. She appears to have some kind of relationship with Neil, although it’s very difficult to tell exactly the nature of their involvement as neither displays any visual queues. Having lived a reclusive life, she feels that it’s time to try something new, and thus when presented with the opportunity to partake in SR24, she seized it.
Appearance using the Sims 4: (Coming soon, I’ll provide a link in a future post when I update this)
GOLDEN EAGLE
Real Name: Hans Adler
Race: Human
Nationality: German
Gender: Male
Age: 35 (Birthday - June 7th, 1917)
Height: 173 cm or 5’ 8”
Weight:74 kg or 165 lbs
The fourth and final human on this list is Hans Adler. Firstly, the elephant in the room. Hans is 35 despite being born in 1917. Why? Because he’s from 1952. An alternate 1952 in which Axis Powers won WW2. Long story short, Hans was coerced into working for the Luftwaffe, designed and engineered a prototype aircraft dubbed a “Super Stuka”. Upon completion, he took what little belongings he had left, the original designs of his aircraft and most of his other designs, and began plotting his escape to North America. However, in an unexpected turn of events after flying into a thunderstorm over the English Channel, he wound up in our time line and in the present day no less. Presumed dead in his timeline, Hans now lives in Pahrump, Nevada, and maintains a hangar at the Twin Suns Aerodrome, which functions as a secondary HQ for DFN’s Uni-Ops. Because he’s the one who sourced the vehicle for this year’s rally, he feels obligated to come along. Who knows, he just might have fun.
Appearance using Hero Forge:
AKULA
Real Name: Alexandrei “Alexei” Koraelin
Race: Hyceian
Gender: Male
Age: 38 (Birthday - July 19th 1986/July 19th 2486)
Height: 191 cm or 6’ 3”
Weight: 89 kg or 197 lbs
The second military officer on the roster, Alex, as his name is often shortened to, hails from a water planet named Hydralis, a planet mostly populated by aquatic humanoid creatures known, after translation, as Hyceians. A father of three, ages 15 and 13 respectively, and married, Alex maintains a close knit family. However, that’s with the exception of his father who, as a result of past mistakes, drove a wedge between them. These mistakes in the past are why Lex is at a similar skill level to the three Americans and why he runs a special forces group based on the starship Stargazer. Unfortunately, the things that he endured left him with a form of PTSD. Despite the issues, he’s managing himself very well and has begun repairing some of the damage done. While on Earth, he took up mercenary work under Uni-Ops, also managing to secure posts for both his significant other, Via, and his father (coincidentally shares a name with Miles Hudson) within the group. For SR24, only the former is joining him, as there’s only so many people that can fit in a Diamant GPV8 and besides, it’s time to find a new way to have fun.
Appearance using Hero Forge (Background removed using Face-App):
SIREN
Name: Via Koraelin (née Namarri)
Race: Hyceian
Gender: Female
Age: 36 (Birthday - June 28th 1988/June 28th 2488)
Height: 185 cm or 6’ 1”
Weight: 79.3 kg or 175 lbs
A former helicopter/gyroplane pilot, Via finds herself more content with civilian life and looking after the three sons she has with Alex. However, sometimes, such a lifestyle can become a little… boring. That’s why Uni-Ops was a refreshing change of pace, because it didn’t relegate her to using her skills as a pilot, and provided an incentive to apply more of her military training in on the ground type scenarios. As an added bonus, her and Alex get to spend more time together working. Of course, this event is gonna be treated as a sort of vacation for the two of them. Only problem that she sees might be the fact Alex is inexperienced with a manual transmission.
Appearance using Hero Forge:
And the car?
Purchased as part of a two for one deal from a specialized dealership near Pahrump, the group plans to use this ex-army Diamant GPV for the journey. An uncommon example of the standard GPV, featuring a longer rear overhang, and a V8 engine, this example boasts an extra bench seat in the back allowing for eight people on board and a horsepower rating close to 300. However, not all that glitters is gold.
Firstly, the car is plagued with a multitude of electrical issues. Some are minor, like the aftermarket radio not working, or a couple of the extra lights not being wired correctly, if at all, and some are pretty significant, like the dying alternator, or the temperamental ECU. Second, the interior is in horrific condition, especially the top of the dashboard, from sitting in the Nevada sun for the last 17 years, not to mention the loosely hanging dome light up front and other broken interior bits. Finally, there’s also the fact this car hasn’t exactly been driven much in the last two months and even though it runs good despite the 245,000 miles it has on the odometer, it’s still a bit sketchy to drive. Oh, and did I mention the catalytic converter delete?
What else would you expect for two grand?
6 Likes
OH NO, TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS ARE BACK!
(Yes, pre-race RP will be coming later, have a presentation for now)
You thought that you finally had gotten rid of the backwoods drunkards from northern Sweden? Forget it. You can count on them showing up this year too, and…well, nobody has calmed down, or gotten smarter, or…let’s just say it will probably be the same chaos as always.
JANNE MÄKITALO
Aged 46, and the skilled mechanic of the bunch. In fact, he can build anything out of random scrap you give him. He can also repair more or less anything you throw at him, just don’t be too sure to get it back the same decade. Also, the last years he has shown to have more knowledge in weird, supernatural stuff than he ever would admit. Daily drives a 1997 Boulder L150 and a 1969 IP Icarus diesel wagon. Working as a mechanic at the IP dealership he has more than “some” knowledge about those cars. Has a stalled woodgas conversion project of a 1967 Saarland Kardinal in a barn, also, he has more broken tractors, mopeds, snowmobiles, ATVs, lawnmowers, forklifts and whatnot scattered around in his yard than you can count to.
ANDREAS KERO
Aged 34, a skilled racing driver, or… OK, a folkrace driver, or… OK, sometimes he can do a full lap on the track without the car (for this season a Mara Kavaler) breaking down completely. Short tempered and has no patience with Marie’s stupidity (including the nailgun incident that seems to have affected his forehead on this picture). Wouldn’t admit it but is scared as hell about Janne’s occult experiments and denies that anything has ever happened. Daily drives a 1995 Vaughn Grand Mirage GTS.
MARIE PESULA
Aged 39, never misses a single opportunity to get drunk on whatever she can find, seems to have her brain activity constantly in stand by mode. Creates chaos wherever she goes but always blames someone or something else. Has an eye for aesthetics at least according to herself. Daily drives a 2002 Saarland Ambrosia V6 wagon. Also has an extremely gaudy 1962 4 door Dodge Dart (see SR2023 for reference pics if you want to fry your eyes for some reason). Always either too drunk or too stupid (most often both) to understand that Janne is into some strange stuff.
THE CHARIOT OF 2024
“Jungle fever” was a star of the late 70s custom car scene in Sweden. A 1971 IP Icarus panel van that had the usual treatment for the era. A prize winner in some car shows of its day, that most people probably thought was long gone. Until it did show up in a barn somewhere in the north. If Janne got his hands on it? Well, of course. And even if the paint is faded and has lots of cracking and flaking bondo, exposing rust underneath, a wash revealed that it was still fairly solid in its sheetmetal. Except for the original hood that was so soft that it bent in front of the hinges, replaced with a green one from Janne’s backyard. Latest tax sticker says 1984, but not too much work was spent with getting it back alive. Sure, the interior is a bit damp and smells…funny, which for the moment is cured with some Wunder-baum (little tree) air freshners.
The modifications were not only cosmetical. The original 4 cylinder was replaced with the 2.4 litre “6L24” inline six (available in the other bodystyles, so a bolt in swap) that has a ported and milled cylinder head, a camshaft and exhaust header from IMOS (IP MotorSports) that would be sought after by some enthusiasts today, and some weird aftermarket intake for a 4 barrel Holley that not even Janne has seen before. Not a fire breathing monster but still a bit more power than the inline four could bring.
Smells funny, sure, but rather intact, complete with a black/white TV, a rather useless couch and a minibar, untouched since the late 70s, what’s not to like?
6 Likes
The rules say no AWD. Does this mean that 4WD is also banned?
AWD is allowed, just not for mid-engine cars.
What about 4WD?
Is there mid-engine 4WD?
I know for front-engine, there’s 4WD, and that is allowed.
Snork’s Tuners
History
Among the many teams contesting in Sh!tbox Rally 2024, Snork’s is a newcomer born to jump head first into any pool of opportunity, so when one engineer mentioned a division of budget motorsport to the lead engineer, Snork Florenski, it was decided that they must participate.
Snork’s is a performance tuner and automaker of low volume sports cars, one of many across the globe, though its unlikely any other shares the history of a house troll having a dream to escape his cozy life in a rural Finnish valley to make cutting edge cars. Though Snork has been well off with his growing business since he began in the late 60s, he’s never been fully satisfied; there’s always room for improvement, more power, more publicity, and he has frequently relied on motorsports to achieve both.
For most of Snork’s Tuner’s history, the company has had one specialty; take the foundation of cheap cars and turn them into prestigious, high quality vehicles, and there’s nothing cheaper than the automotive scourge born from behind the iron curtain, Otelensk. It’s a challenge to turn garbage on wheels into something fast and reliable, almost as difficult as making a worse quality car than what Otelensk churns out, but it’s a challenge Snork’s Tuners has become fit to tackle, so it was almost as if Snork’s was made for this rally challenge.
The Team
Snork Florenski
The lead engineer, and the only member who does not even vaguely resemble a human. No, he is a house troll standing at stout 4’9", having short, velvety white fur all over, a rather rotund body, a long tail ending in a tuft, stubby legs, flat feet, and generally looking like if a bipedal hippo was a marshmallow, as most house trolls look. Despite beginning his career many decades ago, Snork is hardly any worse for wear. While every product Snork sells is guaranteed to be consistently high quality, Snork himself can shift from slow & calculated to spontaneous at a moment’s notice, hence his decision to round up a racing team before getting a full grasp of the competition.
Madds Makkenen
The assistant engineer, and the son of Snork’s first business partner. While Snork kept his big snout to the grindstone for decades, Madds’ father would eventually grow too old to keep up with the ambitious troll. So, it would be destiny that Madds himself took up the mantle of maintaining the tuning business, though as a young adult and the youngest on the team, Madds has the same excitable maturity Snork had way back when, though he has never let his enthusiasm get the best of him.
Anton Larsson
The driver, an experienced touring car and rally privateer. Although podium placements are not a common sight for Anton, he races fast and clean enough to afford to keep coming back year after year. That does not mean he is some random shmuck who has been plucked to go racing in Sh!tbox Rally 2024, for as a fellow Finn Anton has been a publicity boon for Snork’s, as the workshop has often funded Anton’s racing endeavors, building race spec cars for him in hopes that a Snork’s could take a manufacturer’s victory. As a fellow underdog, there is no other driver Snork trusts more than Anton.
Eddie “Fourth Wheel” Millton
The Co-Driver, and one of the most talented designers at Snork’s. An English chap who found himself at Snork’s originally as a test driver, but has quickly become one of Snork’s most crucial assets. It takes just a minute inside any car for him to find an intimate familiarity like it’s the only one he’s ever known. It is a compliment to say his gut is smarter than his head, because through gut feeling Eddie can tell a car’s exact balance, downforce, drag, and whether the engine can handle any more boost. If anything were to go wrong during the rally, there’s no one better suited to handle the problem than Eddie.
The Build Process
As a busy little workshop, there are almost always a few old stock models in storage waiting to be reborn as worthy machines, most of them Otelensks from decades past, but there was one that showed promise, being the closest to a decent car, the compact family sedan, Otelensk Trisky. How much did they pay for this preowned FF econobox back in the 80s? Well, the team would rather bank on plausible deniability, saying “It couldn’t have been much, just look at it!” than to actually go into the records to see just how little more money they could sink into their chosen chariot. So, after installing somewhere in the ballpark of $1500 worth of new parts, Snork’s Tuners proudly submits the Snork’s Trisky Le’Mon.
Like every Snork’s car, this 1 of 1 tune needed a new paint job from the original drab brown, and a new chrome badge on the bonnet, but that’s it for aesthetic additions, except for Madds stenciling the brand name and car number on either side “to make it more like a race car”.
The first thing to go was the engine, as the Trisky’s original aluminum 4 banger would turn to dust at the mere thought of having to make competitive power. What’s powering the front wheels now is a 3 liter Muldar V6, a chunk of mid 70s iron crap, but by god was it the best crap Otelensk ever made as it has been dropped into every truck and van Otelensk would make since, even keeping up with the times as later generations adopted fuel injection. This would be far from the first time Snork’s has given a Muldar block new pistons or a turbo, but for the sake of reliability the boost has been tuned down to make a respectable 219hp & 262ft*lbs.
That turbo upgrade is where most of the money went, meaning Snork’s had to cheap out with almost everything else, like this bolt on plastic scrap for a spoiler. “It’s not efficient, but it keeps the light rear end down, though the tool box and new fuel tank are already doing that,” Eddie proclaimed.
Though there wasn’t much to tear out from the interior to save weight, Snork’s still gutted what was there to gut out, keeping only the radio for communication. The front seats were replaced with a pair of the plenty bucket seats in stock in the workshop, and where the rear bench was there’s now a fuel tank bolted to the chassis holding somewhere in the ballpark of 30 - maybe 40 - liters, plus a pair of spare tires.
Now, about the antenna and flag mounted to the roof. This is the result of Snork misinterpreting the rules regarding dimensions and fuel tank limits. Originally it was just the antenna that was rewired to the roof, believing that any means to exceed a height of 2 meters would permit the usage of a 50 liter fuel tank, and as a newcomer Snork believed this rally could be anything from Monte Carlo to Dakar, so if running out of fuel was a possible issue being a B class size while maintaining an A class pace was a no brainer! That is until the team realized that antennas are excluded from the dimensions, so a flag “for spotting and safety” was added, which also is not strictly necessary to install a large fuel tank. That was not a happy day for Snork’s Tuners.
Besides the turbo, the other major expense for their Trisky Le’Mon was tires. Specialty made rally wheels were not an option, so it was a hard choice between all-terrains and sports-compounds. After getting a tip (reading the invitation top to bottom again) they settled on fitting the car with sports-compounds by default while storing a pair of all-terrains on the car’s roof just in case the roads get loose, and another pair of sports-compounds behind the front seats. The steel wheels themselves aren’t designed for Triskys, being a tad wider, but they were the most plentiful and therefore cheapest option while having high grip treads.
After all those installations, including tweaks to the stock suspension and new brake pads, the team was running low on money and time, so Snork’s had a difficult choice to make for the last upgrade; install a roll-cage, or address the open differential. Safety, or speed. Installing an LSD would definitely push them over the 2 grand limit, so they cheaped out one last time by finding a manual locking diff from an Otelensk truck, and just prayed no disaster would strike.
This would be the car Snork’s Tuners would race with. There was room for improvement, but there’s only so much one can do with so little.
The Finalized Car
Snork’s Tuners will compete in Sh!tbox Rally 2024 using a modified 1982 Otelensk Trisky which has been left in storage for years after being acquired second-hand. The original engine has been swapped for an Otelensk Muldar Mid Block, upgraded with a turbo designed in house. The two sets of wheels, totalling 6 sports-compounds and 2 all-terrains, are aftermarket, with the all-terrains being ordered specifically for the Trisky Le’Mon. Bolted onto the trunk lid is a plastic spoiler, and a toolbox is tied down in the trunk. The back seats have been torn out to make room for a 35 liter fuel tank and space for two spare wheels, while the front seats have been replaced with bucket seats built in house. Brake pads in the front have been replaced, as was the open differential with a manually lockable diff from an even older Otelensk truck. Finally, the Trisky Le’Mon was given a new coat of paint, a few decals, and chrome badging, as well as an unnecessary relocation of the radio antenna and additional flag.
Snork's Thoughts
When the lead engineer was asked if the car was within budget, he confidently answered, “Of course! You don’t think we’re here to trample the competition with a cheating car, do you? We’re not here just to win - frankly the fact we’ve built off a car as notorious as a chiseled brick badged by Otelensk probably dooms our chances of winning. We’re here to make connections, build our brand, prove that I’m running a company that can turn a peasant’s carriage into a proper car. Now about money, most enthusiasts would have to pay a lot - relative to this rally - just to get their paws on the bare minimum rust bucket, with swapping engines or diffs being a pipe dream, but an independent tuning company like what I own only has material costs to worry about by using tools and parts we already own. Now, we can agree to disagree, but I consider using up some of our pre-existing stock to put towards the car is, how would you put it… calculated business expenses, and not costs concerning the competition limit. Excluding the all-terrain tires and brake pads… and the fuel tank, and - hahaha - the flag, nothing was bought for the purpose of making a budget rally car. And I’m sure we’re not the only team to be hauling spare parts on the roof or in the trunk, which I also don’t think pushes the car’s value above two grand anyway. Like I said, it’s still ninety percent Otelensk, a car for people with the budget better oriented to a bike, and can stand to wait five years to be approved to own anything with four wheels.”
Snork was then questioned about the team’s strategy for the rally; “Since this is our rookie season, we’ll be playing it safe to start, letting our drivers get used to the car and the lands before any wear challenges their adaptability. My main concern is tire wear; sooner or later we’ll have to push the car to its limits, and that’ll mean the car’s tires will likely be worn down to slicks, hence an extra pair of sports tires, and just in case there’s a gravel stage in the mix, our Trisky will wear all-terrains on the front to not lose our grip advantage. As for other reliability issues, heh, isn’t that everyone’s problem? I’m sure the Trisky will get to the end on its own four wheels as long as Anton doesn’t bin it, but he’s a naturally defensive driver on the track, he doesn’t tend to take risks when there’s a long run to consider.”
7 Likes
The Interceptors
The people
Jeremias Klackers, 38, from Rosendorf, Gasmea
Jens Mai, 35, from Rosendorf, Gasmea
Richard Hammersbach, 32, from Willburg, Gasmea
The car
1989 Mara Kavaler 5.0 Interceptor
Delivered to the Archanan state just before the fall of the Closed Curtain in 1990, the car has never seen official duties. Jens has bought the car for cheap from a used car dealer across the river in Tenelova a few years ago and spent some time on it restoring it.
The context in a nutshell
TBA as soon as I get sufficient inspiration to write the first episode
7 Likes
They remind me of New Kids, lol. Should have had a green Manta.
2 Likes
VERY MUCH PRE-PROLOGUE
REPRINT FROM TRAFIKJOURNALEN ISSUE #22 1979
FEVER VANTASIES
Christer Lundmark’s IP Icarus panel van shows that even vehicles generally overlooked by the public can become show winning custom cars.
Asian cars haven’t been much of a success among the custom car crowd. They are practical, sells for competitive prices and have a reputation to work rather well. But Christer Lundmark proves that they can be so much more. Especially since his 1971 IP Icarus have been fetching some prizes lately.
“I was originally looking for a Volvo Duett to make something fun out of”, Christer says. “But the same amount of money could buy me this 1971 IP Icarus, so I thought why not? There’s no question which one that is more up to date, at least.”
It should be said that the Icarus was by no means in pristine condition by then. Being used as a delivery vehicle in the hectical Stockholm traffic had taken its toll, with both dings and rust showing up more or less everywhere on the boxy body.
“Yes, I had to start with straightening out dents and welding up the sills and rear arches”, Christer says. “Lots of small spots were sandblasted, and the front fenders were replaced with brand new ones. While I was at it, I decided to ditch the dented stock grille and bumper and replace them with custom parts.”"
A tubular front bumper has replaced the stock unit. The spider web grille was done by brazing together chromed water piping. The hood ornament is actually original, and is said to symbolize the wax wings of Icarus. Small round indicators replaced the grille mounted stock ones.
The van craze is strong in the United States, and the interest have reached Sweden. But not everyone wants to pay the high prices for something like a VCV Dur-A-Van, which does not mean that you can’t work with what you have. Stuff dound in high dollar US builds have also been finding the way into this IP.
“I decided to cut out the side panels for porthole windows that were bought from Roger’s Custom”, Christer says. “The tailgate was shaved from the chrome trim and backup lights, which were replaced by what is actually fog lights mounted under the bumper. Now you can see where you are reversing at night!”, Christer says with a laugh. “A flip up glass sunroof was also installed, before the car was sent for painting.”
An airbrushed black jaguar is watching you from a gloss black background. Christer says that metalflake, which probably most people would have choosen, isn’t his thing.
From a boring white van with black steel wheels with lost hubcaps, it was transformed into a black beauty, with the name of the van, “Jungle Fever”, being painted on the sides, along with a black jaguar. Polished Shelby Slotmag wheels on meaty tyres gives it an aggressive stance, especially with the air shocks in the back pumped up to max. The side pipes are actually legal.
“The requirements says that they outlet has to be behind the last opening door or window”, Christer says. Since the van lacks opening rear doors or side windows, it is totally OK to let them end in front of the rear wheels, even though it has been hard to convince the police sometimes.
The dashboard is largely kept stock, albeit with the faux wood on the dashboard from an Icarus DX. However, the simple vinyl interior was reupholstered in gold coloured velour. A wood steering wheel tops it all off.
So far, so good, small details like a sun visor over the windshield, marker lights on the roof and bullet style mirrors tops it all off. But no custom van is complete without a matching interior. The passenger compartment looks familiar to anyone that has ever been in an Icarus, spare for the gold coloured velour, and almost obligatory aftermarket steering wheel. In the cargo area, things are a little bit different. Button tucked panels in the same kind of velour, hardwood floor, minibar, couch and even a small TV, almost impressive considering that there’s not that much space in the back of an Icarus van.
“It is by no means comfortable to sit and watch TV in that couch”, Christer admits. Mostly it is just for show, but when it is as beautiful as in this Icarus, who cares?
The brass lights are from an old horse drawn carriage, but now converted to electric light bulbs.
Originally, the Icarus van has a rather boring 4 cylinder pushrod unit. However, the sedan and wagon versions could be had with a much more exciting 2.4 litre OHC six cylinder. Christer managed to find one from a low mileage, crashed car in the junkyard, but then the trouble started.
“It would not pass safety inspection to start with”, Christer says with a sigh. “Proving that the four cylinder van had the same chassis components as the six cylinder passenger cars took some work, but with papers I got from the IP importer, they finally let it pass through.”
To further spice up things, the head got ported and milled, and a camshaft and exhaust manifold from IMOS, which is the factory motorsports division of IP, was installed. The intake manifold, now crowned with a 390 cfm Holley 4 barrel, is not from IMOS, though.
“I have no idea what brand it is”, Christer says, “It somehow appeared in the classifieds in the newspaper, and the guy selling it had no idea where it came from, appears like he got it with a bunch of other stuff that he imported from the US, for reasons unknown. It works well, though.”
So that’s how to make an old IP panel van into a show winner. Christer himself, though, is planning to sell Jungle Fever to make room for new projects.
"I caught the van fever for real, he says. "So, now I am looking for a VCV Dur-A-van as my next project.
Christer, and many other people have dreams about US vans. But we think that Jungle Fever shows that working with what you have can give you just as much fun. Keep this in mind when you see cars you think looks boring out in the streets. Anything can be a diamond in the rough.
This was 45 years ago now…
The times are constantly changing…
5 Likes
less than 48h to go
Yesderday, Chanty and Thomas finally fixed everything on the car that could possibly make them strand on the roadside. Nevertheless, the car is still far from being in good condition, but on the other hand, it was almost for free, and Chantys budget was very limited, in fact, most spare parts used were from Thomas shelves who constantly told his daughter that this is not a gift and needs to be put back in storage after the event, but on the other hand, Thomas would of course forget about that if his daughter wanted to keep the Legacy if it survives, as seeing Chanty smile softens the hard heart of the old grumpy mechanic.
Argh, that was hard work. Everything hurts. How are you doing that at your age?
Did you call me old? You´re mean. Anyway, we have so much to do that I just can´t afford to rest, and machines constantly in use are usually well-lubricated and always at optimal temperature, hah!
You didn´t even have time to visit a hairdresser… Let me fix that for you.
Nah! Looking at your hair, I better don´t.
Dad! Come on. Let me do something for you for once.
Chanty came home late and was totally exhausted. With sore muscles, she had trouble to even get out of bed. And Jan woke her up quite harsh because he played video games and screamed at losing a race.
Jan! Use your headphones! That vacuum cleaner sounds from your game are annoying. What are you doing this early playing games on the PC?
YOU AND YOUR FATHER TOLD ME I DRIVE TOO SLOW! So I play racing games to get used to speed. Yeah, but I will use the headphones, you are right.
You think gaming helps?
There was an experiment when they put sim racers on a racetrack and they were surprisingly good, I saw that on YouTube so it must be true. Anyway, I will buy some groceries for our trip.
Nah, I can do that. You buy only stuff I don´t want.
Later that day, Chanty went to the supermarket, buying tons of her favourite energy drink she is addicted to. But then Thomas spotted her.
CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT! GROUND CONTROL TO CHANTY! HEY! Ah, put down your headphones and be aware of your surroundings! Why are you even having two of them? And that damn plush elk! Isn´t it enough that you bring it to work every time?
Its so simple. If one´s battery is empty, I have another one. You know I can´t be in crowded areas because I have anxiety, and without music I am lost. And Rudolph is my emotional support animal. I never leave the house without him!
Stop drinking that poison, or do you want to have cardiac problems like me?
Dad, looking at YOUR cart, I don´t think you should tell me what to buy… really!
Eeeeeh… that is something TOTALLY different!
Later, Thomas picked some spare parts to take with them, as he knows the weak points of a Primus Legacy well and doesn´t want to be stranded in an unknown area without having the right means to fix the car.
An oil pump, a fuel pump, an alternator, spark plugs, a valve cover and head gasket, a steering pump, a … eeh… what´s that? Ah, yes, two ignition coils… and I don´t even have something for that troublesome transmissions, I guess I will tell Jan to limit Chantys luggage… I won´t drive without my beer rations. Anyway, where are these weird kiddos again? Meeting is in two hours!
In fact, they are still struggling to pack their stuff.
I love you, but your father will kill us with this amount of luggage. Why are you taking almost your whole wardrobe with you, like in Sweden? Thomas threw six and a half tantrums, and now we have only one car and it isnt even a wagon.
You know I need to change my outfit if I don´t feel like it anymore. And if that´s every few hours… it is how it is.
Please… dont make my life harder as it already is…
OK, ok… I will look through it and leave some of it here… but only with protest.
Better your protest than that of Thomas, really.
They arrived last minute, and packed the stuff into the Legacy, then drove the car to the coordinates written in the e-Mail, a lonely field near the garage of Thomas. They turned off all electronic devices as they should and waited. 10 minutes to go. Thomas, who was totally tired from working overtime every day fell sound asleep in the driver seat, when suddenly a garish light hits them all in the face.
Jan and Chanty woke up in a very weird environment. They exit the Primus and are totally shocked that they are in an UFO! A scared alien runs towards them.
quitouwieotdge. orwghgjsdergr. bliiiiiiiiiiiii! plerglrqwkljr€.
Excuse me, what?
Chanty, that´s extraterrestrian. They don´t sound to pleased, we better go back in the car and try to sleep.
TRQWWIIIII QUIIIOOUIOUI! JKH EQTWRMHG!
Damn, remind me to never again buy weed from Orlando, really, that stuff is scary!
YOU BOUGHT IT FROM YOUR EX? I THOUGHT YOU HAVE NO MORE CONTACT!
Relax, it´s just business. I only love you. More than my life.
Oh, good that you tell me every day how much you hate your life.
Jan, pleeeeease! I am scared, please don´t be mean to me now. You can hate me when we are there…
DRIVER AGGRESSION
To make it transparent for others, I opted for 2. The reason is that all three have very different styles of driving. Jan is very slow and wants to keep it safe, Thomas is very experienced, but that tends to make him faster than he should be, as his experience dims his attention to risk. Chanty on the other hand drives exactly how her mood is, and that swings constantly between being afraid to drive faster than city speed and driving like a total maniac.
Collaborations / The Nilferts in your RP
If you think including the, well, what @Knugcab called “German Freakshow” would make your RP funnier, feel free to do it. Please give me a brief idea of what you are up to first via PM, not that I am strict there, but I want to make sure my people act both within the challenge rules and stay in-character.
3 Likes
Team Chitco
Part 0: It begins (again)
Amanda has met some "people"
Our lovely annoyance has decided to make the life for herself and life she would enjoy doing.
Her choice of car was mostly decided on by fact she lacked some substantial amount of money, so it was whatever she could get her hands on while still being decently suited for the job
This is her 1990 Bricksley Grand Warden Fleet V6. While it is also modified by me a little bit, i shall note its creation of Madrias
In its life before junkyard on which Amanda had met it, it had 240 cubic inches of V6 as indicated by its badging
Amanda will happily point out to badging in question to confirm she has NA V6 under hood because she can and so far, noone was either interested or dare to question her wisdom
Also…noone else apart from Amanda herself knows what she bought: furthest they know is that car is big, black and probably was used by government services judging by nudge bar (or Amanda installed that herself).
This was one of vehicles that will park at parking lot in what English language can best describe as “middle of nowhere”.
Amanda exits the car, observes the surroundings and decides that this is truly a beautiful night, which was followed by her strolling into run-down shop parking belonged to.
At about same time, certain group of people had listened to radio around one of their vehicles
Radio reported as such:
Good evening, listeners. We bring you urgent news from across the nation. Authorities are on high alert tonight following a string of brazen armed robberies targeting shoppers in parking lots. Reports indicate that a sizable group of armed individuals is orchestrating these attacks, striking unsuspecting victims just moments after they exit stores with their purchases."
“These criminals are said to be targeting easy prey, preying on individuals who appear vulnerable or distracted. Shoppers are urged to remain vigilant and exercise caution, especially in dimly lit or isolated parking areas.”
“Local law enforcement agencies are working tirelessly to apprehend these perpetrators, but the public is reminded to take extra precautions when out and about. If you witness any suspicious activity, do not hesitate to contact authorities immediately.”
“Stay tuned to this station for further updates on this developing story. Your safety is our priority.”
-Look at me mommy im famous
(cackling maniacally)
-This was a good idea after all…we are getting richer by the minute!!
-Indeed it was great idea: shame those five bitches werent really able to capitalise on it
Defeated by a bare-handed girl to such extent some of your bones get broken?
Sounds like you arent that much tougher than such prey…
-Hey Dick, care to stroll around and find us next target?
One member has indeed responded
-Fuck you too
His stroll has not yielded any results in this mostly empty lot until he laid eyes on Amanda and her ride
-Seems we might be scoring tonight some catch and then some… were words he used before denoting female and her car
-Bricksley Grand Warden you say? In black?
Spotter thought a bit, until realisation of what his mate might be on about struck
-Relax…I highly doubt any policeman or agent would use this gen nowadays.
I know it very well: it was produced from 1987 to 1995
Good cars but out of service by mid 2000s
-Im convinced…we will wait to strike
And so they did
Amanda had appeared fair bit of time later with shopping trolley that required to be half-pushed, half-carried to somewhat function due to its miserable condition.
Upon sight of girly figure moving all alone group of robbers made their move
-Hello there. We see you have lot of trouble with that…care to allow us to help you with it?
-I can manage on my own.
He and his friends pull out their guns
-That was never an option. You either give us your money and what you just bought…or we are taking it by force
-Cease your operations while you still can
Robbers chuckled
-The fuck you think you are, to dare thinking you can face us?
They all got to the Bricksley.
Amanda had left shopping cart besides the car
-Shall we proceed?
They proceeded and fight happened
-911, what is your emergency?
-I went by this shop couple of minutes ago and saw very sad scene of some badly hurt people in their parking lot. You might need to get some police and ambulance there: i think i saw some weapons as well
-Calm down, we will gladly handle it
-Thats all i wanted to hear.
Call ended
Engine has became tad bit louder and speed at which it travels had increased
Amanda had found pace she was happy with and continued on
Worming the way through a hole
-How do we get us and the car there?
-I have an idea. If you may proceed…
Suddenly, almost all of Team Chitco was hypnotised and knocked out.
-Wakey, wakey sleepyheads. We arrived.
-What the hell…we are on the ground…how?
-Managed to use some wormholes to make our way here.
-What??
-Anyway…we shall go, they arent very likely to wait for us indefinitely
With that, everyone present packed into a car and had decided to go towards start line in Pahrump, Nevada.
-Everyone got their stuff packed?
-Too late for that question…but yes, we packed everything. Just so you know in case you get hurt…if i recall correctly…you can go and fuck yourself
-Hehe, cant say im surprised…dont worry about me atleast.
-What do we do when he meets Natalia?
Bong looked at Pi quizzically
-What do you mean by that, she isnt going to participate.
-She could decide to hang out on start line with us. Besides, she and Takaraya might want to have little bit of intimate time before he goes
Pause
-However, i shall find that none of them is truly dangerous face-to-face. They can attack and cause fair bit of damage by doing so, but are unlikely to do that just because they deem someone annoying.
-Unlike Amanda last year, we are not picking fights with anyone
Realisation hit.
-Shit…if she gets to there before us nobody would be there to keep her in check
-It will be fine…she had learned that they arent weak by any measure
And with that, journey continues
Team and the vehicle
Members (there are four of them)
- Pi Chitco
- Andrea Chitco
- Bong Chitco
- Jakasxandra Chitco
Vehicle: Well i have zero idea how visible it will be on video but there is walkaround video of sorts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__RZgZ5HnSA
As was the case in earlier years its Kontir Cunningham from 1995
5 Likes
Faolan Industries
✦ The Bois
The bois are back and fluffier than ever. In the interim between rallies, they’ve both obtained fursuits of their fursonas. Ze’ev is much more comfortable being out and about in his, due to having more cosplay experience and having made his from scratch. Storm is a bit more awkward, but still enjoys the chance to be a fluffy wolf. They’ve leaned fully into their status as one of the furry teams this time and have some plans for themed repairs and shenanigans in camp. X3
Ze’ev Wulfrith
✦ Age: 27
✦ Height: 5 ft 8 in (171 cm)
✦ 225 lbs
✦ Auburn, waist length hair
✦ Storm blue eyes
✦ Fashion Designer
✦ Libra
✦ Sona Name: Storm Wulfrith
✦ Sona Species: Wufsky
Ze’ev Wulfrith, also known as Z to his friends, is a fashion designer by trade. He currently works at one of the more well known fashion companies in the midwest while also managing his own tailoring and boutique commissions on the side. This is where the team name comes from. He has some rather eclectic tastes and is more than willing to put in the effort and time to make unusual choices work. He’s relatively introverted, but get him on one of his preferred topics he’ll talk your ear off. He enjoyed the whole experience last year and feels more comfortable being himself and his furry self around the main teams. X3
Storm Breedlove
✦ Age: 26
✦ Height: 6 ft 2 in (187 cm)
✦ 210 lbs
✦ Light blonde, shoulder length hair
✦ Blue hazel eyes
✦ Auto mechanic
✦ Scorpio
✦ Sona Name: Shade
✦ Sona Species: Wolf
Storm breedlove is the co-owner of a auto repair and restoration shop in the pacific northwest. He’s a bit more outgoing than Z, but falls squarely into the aloof, silent cool guy stereotype most of the time. He’s a massive dnd nerd and isn’t afraid to just brutally murder someone in his favorite games. Storm is the more mechanically inclined of the two, with a good amount of practical engineering knowledge and an eye for craftsmanship. He has a bit of military experience, despite being discharged for injuries he had prior to enlisting. Storm is fiercely loyal to Z, who brings out his golden retriever energy, due to them bonding so deeply at a young age. He’s very excited to be back driving this year and having less stress with a more stable and repairable car. He hopes that him and Z have an actual chance at being in the top this year too.
✦ The Car
The bois have gone with something a lot different this time. They were a bit too cautious with the Aethers last year due to them both being restoration jobs they did themselves. Nether Z nor Storm want that level of stress this year. They’ve instead gone with a much safer, much easier to ride hard choice. This 2009 Hiyunzari Quartz Castella was a lucky find at the Goodwill auto auction they went to to scout out a car for this year’s rally. While on the outside it may look like an amalgam of 1930s shooting brake and modern compact, it’s a quality built Japanese machine with a thrilling pedigree. A Hiyunzari Quartz is a small, economical, driver focused sportscar that has fascinated the JDM tuning scene for decades and makes for both a cheap cup racer and drift missile. The Quartz Castella is a factory built conversion kit to cater to those who want a retro(or in this case, vintage) look while retaining the reliability and driving characteristics of the modern sportscar. Hiyunzari extends out the front section of the Quartz to fit the '30s design proportions and then drapes the majority of the car in a lightweight fiberglass shell. This lets them craft the intricate curves of a bygone era without the expense. The Faolan Industries example, which the bois have taken to referring to as the Countess, isn’t a pristine car, but has as minimal wear and tear as you can expect from a car with 115k miles on it in the Midwest. There’s some underbody surface rust and minor cracking in some of the fiberglass. The IS28-DE i6 under the hood fairs much better having been untouched by tuning shitheads. All it has needed to be road trip ready was a fresh battery and oil change, the rest of the usual maintenance refresh being done at 100k miles by the previous owner. The bois hope that they’ll be able to run the Countess hard through each stage and snuggle up in the back at every campsite without having to repair things too often.
Specs
✦ 2.771 L DOHC i6 With VVT-I
✦ 246.1 horsepower @ 5900 RPM
✦ 230.8 Ft-Lb of torque @ 4800 RPM
✦ 967.5 Kg
✦ 6 Speed Manual
✦ 44.7 MPG combined
✦ 16 in Advan RCIII rims (235/45R16s front, 275/35R16s rear)
✦ 5.34 second 0-60
✦ 186 mph top speed(electronically limited)
13 Likes
'Straight outta Saratos'
Team
Jace-Tirin Harynn “JT”
Born 2002, D’Auraktael, D’AAR, Saratos Federation, male
Nationality - Saratosi
Resides in - Tarak, North Mera, Mera Self-Governmental Republic, Lionyamar
Race - Kathi Saratosi [eurasian lynx] - mostly grey furred, tufted pointy ears and cheek fluff. 175cm, 58kg.
Occupation - Light transport pilot, postman, variety of other odd jobs
Notes - Left leg is not particularly useful - He’s able to walk…mostly…but operating foot devices like clutch pedals is another task.
Background
Jace-Tirin was born in to a family of relatively well-off (for third-world country standards) workers. It was found out quite quickly that he wasn’t like the other children though, being unable to use his left leg properly. Despite this, a series of economic crisises in the late 2000s forced his family’s hand and sent him off to work (he had two arms and a leg, that was enough) with schooling as a second priority, even when showing intelligence. He picked up a variety of basic skills. Once the crisises had passed for the most part, he was sent back to school full-time, but at this point he was so far behind he barely passed the final exam and decided to not pursue further education.
In the first years of his independence he spent most of it working as a postman and delivery driver for the Saratosi mail service. The Fourth Saratosi War sent him in to the military, as night watch and sniper positions. He deserted his post with the rest of his batallion as conditions continued to worsen, and fled to the Mera SGR.
He has recently invested all of his savings in acquiring a pilot’s license and a run-down aeroplane, which he is flying mostly value and time-sensitive cargo. Recently though, tensions between the Mera SGR and Saratos Federation has resulted in a no-fly zone being enacted above Greater Saratosi skies - leaving him without a job or anything to do.
Kirann Atal-Mir
Born 2001, D’Olandik, Olandik Self-Governmental Autonomous Republic, male
Nationality - Olandi Saratosi
Resides in - Tarak, North Mera, Mera Self-Governmental Republic, Lionyamar
Race - Kathi Farosi [leopard] - black fur with slightly grey spots. 180cm, 79kg.
Occupation - Cook, and a shit ton of other odd jobs ranging from trade apprenticeships to supermarkets
Notes - English poor, can understand most conversations but can’t really talk back. Speaks Saratosi mainly.
Background
Kirann was born in to a family of rich governmental workers in the Olandik SGAR. He enjoyed many luxuries the average worker could only dream of, and received a prestigious education throughout his teens. He picked up quite a few hobbies, played video games and liked role-playing in various settings.
This changed when in the aftershocks of the financial crisises his mother acquired a serious drinking and drug problem after being laid off suddenly. His quality of life deteriorated rapidly as his mother failed her obligations as parent and worsened their financial situation.
A breaking point was reached and his father decided to leave - he attempted to take Kirann with him, but transfering custody was rejected. He left, and Kirann ran across the border in to Saratos, where he worked many jobs to sustain himself. He particularly liked cooking, and throughout changing second jobs he stayed with restaurants the longest.
One particularly rough night, a young postman stopped for a rather intoxicated Kirann on the side of the road outside of the city and offered him a room in his appartment. He (too off his face to properly realise the dangers of accepting such an offer from a total stranger) agreed to live with him.
He also served a short time in the Fourth Saratosi War, leveraging his skill as a cook in the field, although he was not a bad shot by any means. He similarly fled the regime along with Jace, subsequently finding new employment in a different restaurant and managing to re-connect with his father.
With the restaurant owner and his family going on vacation, he’s gotten time off as well.
…pictures are to follow, but I have serious art block or whatever it’s called.
The CH2 Saberin Solsti
(pictured: 1992 CH2 Solsti ESi with aftermarket rims and the exclusive Desert Red colour)
The CH2 Saberin Solsti was a clean-sheet design from Saberin - At that point, the CH1B had been in production for 4 years, with the underlying CH1 platform being 15 years old. Improvements included a completely new aero shape, monolithic unit headlights, completely new fifth-generation X4 boxer engines, second-generation Intake Injection System [MPEFI] fuel-injection units, and the introduction of VVS - technology borrowed from the Ilaris parts bin - albeit a slightly less advanced version of VVS without exhaust cam timing.
It retained its front-macpherson, rear double-wishbone suspension to allow for a rear baggage compartment, even being rear-engined. The front was still adorned with a frunk.
The CH2 generation, instead of prioritising weight reduction, packaging and sportiness, prioritised interior space - resulting in a car with cavernous interior space, especially for the two rear passengers, compared to most of its peers. In the Alagnomar States, it was called a ‘mini-IAS’, and in its home country, it was called the ‘affordable Atarin’.
This did mean that the vehicle gained weight - while the CH1 Solsti tipped the scales at only 900 kilograms, the CH2 did so at 1055 kilos, making it less of a favourite for racecar drivers. Then again, you got an actual nice interior with lots of room, so why complain about increased weight while it still returns 6L/100km on a bad day.
It sold well, very well, being affordable, comfortable and economic, and with the ESi model returning 9.7s to 100km/h, a little bit of pep too. They’re everywhere, ubiquitous in less well-faring countries, exported and driven for years and years on end.
Our Example, 1991 CH2 Saberin Solsti 1500 ESi 'EM 222 RR'
(the listing)
[JT]
I don’t know the exact details of how and why this crapchute ended up here, but from looking through dubious websites I think it was originally produced in the Ilaris plant in the Alagnomar States, driven the first 10 years of its life until it was not re-inspected. The last recorded odometer reading was 314,000 km, according to the motor vehicle department archive. It subsequently found itself imported here, and I’m pretty sure it’s held up pretty well for the past 13 years here. Most of the rust is from its first decade in the States, cause they find it necessary to dump a freighter’s worth of salt on the roads each autumn. It’s mostly around where the salt would be kicked up, and the underbody, but its majority just surface rust.
Now in those 13 years, it’s somehow picked up an additional 500,000km - the tally as of now is an eye-watering 791,527km. While the body has held up, anything that moves and wears out is pretty darn worn. Steering feels loose, everything has an excessive amount of play, and the engine feels like it is about to throw a rod, which isn’t surprising because it’s ran about 400,000km at this point.
Despite what you might think, this country still sucks so it isn’t a wondrous anomaly that this shitbox is nearing a million kilometres. What is a wondrous anomaly is that this thing has a full - yes, full - service history. It’s gathered three service booklets, all filled to the brim with maintenance, replacements and various other things. An engine replacement at 420,470km, suspension rebuild at 487,889km, service every 25,000km - I asked the owner ‘Why? For this car?’ and he responded ‘This is how every car should be, no? We’d all be better off if we all did it like this.’ - fair.
The previous owner, a family man, was in expectation of a third child, and the four seats of the Solsti would no longer cut it. He wanted to give it a send-off though, took his family on an off-road trip, messed up the suspension again and now it’s mine for a lesser price. 300 bucks.
Anyway, as for modifications. I changed the oil pump and added stickers. Can’t go wrong with those.
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