The 2022 Trafikjournalen 24h clunker challenge (FINAL RESULTS)

Elizipeazie · 25 October 2022 01:32

Team Shift Happens; the human side of things

Since this part is not immediately race-relevant, i have decided that i shall hide the segment in this-here dropdown. It is not critical for those in the pit lane to read, though i’m not stopping anyone ;P
Information contained herein may be referenced in future pit-lane segments.

The actual RP segment.

By the time the race started, Norse had already joined the other seven team members in the garage, the eighth being Rukari at the start line with the Bricksley.
Oddly enough, the start and first few laps weren’t as exciting to Norse and Valentin as one might expect.
As such, the race, to the humans, settled into a rather noisy borefest, leading to both Valentin and Norse to do different things.

“Since we’ve got nothing to do, i might as well head out back and get Robert out of his little hidey-hole somehow.”, Valentin said, before getting up from his laughably undersized lawn-chair, grunting.
“Oh! I wanna see that project for real!”, Norse eagerly said, already back up on his feet.
Takaraya also took note and looked over at the two humans.
“Let me help in getting it out.”, he quipped, following the others out the back and across the parking lot to the containers delivered this morning, both of which still open with one of them empty.
“Must’ve forgotten to close it up earlier…”,Valentin mumbled as he led the other two over to his university project vehicle.

Once again, the familiar sight of orange presented itself in the dark chasm of the container.
“How are you gonna get it out, then?”, Norse inquired, breaking Valentin’s though process on the same issue.
“Hold on a second…”, Valentin countered, as the parking lot went silent for a while.
“Right… you think you can pull 2.4 metric tons?” Valentin asked Takaraya.
“If I had my combat boots, I’d have more confidence in doing so. With my steel-toed work boots? I’m lacking grip, but willing to try.”, he replied, heading back to get the tow chains.

Meanwhile, Valentin and Norse (read: mostly Norse) went to work removing the tie-down straps from the car. By the time they were done, Takaraya returned, hooking up the tow-chain to the back, having to search for the hook for a bit.

“Now… the steering geometry is kind of… shit because of how heavy it is, so i’m gonna start it, enabling the power steering. Once i’m out of the container, you can pull.”, Valentin explained, as he opened the driver door just far enough to be able to reach in, releasing the parking brake, followed by him pressing the power-button on the dash-mounted computer.

In the back, two fans mounted in the space once occupied by the rear window start spooling, sending loads of airflow out the back, followed by what sounds like a gas stove being lit, transitioning to an aggressive, though muffled, blowtorch-like sound.
Valentin quickly makes his way out of the container, after which Takaraya tows the vehicle into the open parking lot, having visible difficulty in getting grip on the floor.

note: car shown as of April 2023, current appearance may differ

“Thank you, then.”, Valentin said once the car was out on the parking lot, as he closed the container back up this time around. Norse took the time to get the chain unhooked again, promptly followed by Takaraya coiling up the chain again. Not long after, he got curious, asking a number of questions on why Valentin made the choices he did.
Answering them was no issue, as steaming still took a few moments before the car would be mobile, though eventually they headed back to the garage, with Takaraya walking and Norse joining Valentin in the car, thus becoming the first passenger of Robert the second.

The drive was short, lasting all of fifteen seconds, but otherwise flawless as the car was parked up behind the Shift Happens garage near the entry door, where the car was then shut down again.

After that, the two humans went back in to join the others in watching the race unfold.

karhgath · 25 October 2022 02:04

Team Prognosis Negative

Chapter IV - It’s time to kickass and chew that bubblegum car

Anton, on radio - "And we're off!"

Anna, on radio - “Go get 'em!”

For Johan, that was just static. The adrenaline was pouring in. So much that he stalled. Or so he thought, but the clutch was so smooth on that gearbox that he was able to hold it. Not his best start. Well, it was his first start ever if someone wants to be pedantic. At this point he did not care about this distinction - he was racing!!

He overtook that pink monstrosity on the first turn. Then number #23 soon after. #42. #722. Numbers became a blur. That bubblegum car again. And again about 18 laps later. It was easy to base progress on a rapid pink blur.

All he was hearing on the radio was static. Noise.

Anton, on radio - “Don’t push that rear suspension too much.”

Anna, on radio - “You got up another place, awesome!”

Mom - “Spaghetti’s ready!”

He snapped out of it. He looked at the pacing. Lap 80. He’s 9th.

Bubblegum again.

Johan, on radio - “This ride is so smooth! It handles like a charm. Steering is like butter, temps are good, gearbox is golden. Imma push it a bit more, tired or seeing pink in front”

Anton, on radio - “No need to push it, he’s a few laps behind you, he’ll let you pass…”

Johan, on radio - “Come on, I can do it! I’ll hit that turbo button!”

Anton, on radio - “No need, it’s not even coughing in the background no need to wear out the, err, turbo.”

Johan, on radio - “Still gonna push… yes, got through!!! Wohooooo! crash and grinding noise”

Anna, on radio - “Johan!?!? JOHAN!?!”

Johan, on radio - “I am good… sorry, took the turn wide and hit something. I am good. Should have seen the cars behind me, haha, losers.”

in the pits

Anton, looking at Anna - “How many ‘I am sorry’ baskets are we going to need after all this?”

Anna, oblivious to the joke - “I do not like gift baskets.”

back in the car

Johan slowed down a bit after that mishap, but this was a true race car breed. He was stalling a bit tho, he passed over pink a few more times, but he could not make much progress. Then all hell seemed to break loose.

That punk car had a few laps ahead, but had multiple incidents so he was able to pass him a few times, but not enough to get ahead - it was quite fast. #66 was well ahead in laps, but Johan passed it as it was getting in the pits. Then the official Trafikjournalen car was a pesky beast, staying just ahead - until he swerved off road and finally Johan got ahead.

Anton, on radio - “6th!!! You are goddamn sixth!!!”

Anna, on radio - “Be careful, just heard the Saguario is out of the race, don’t do anything stupid.”

Johan, on radio - “Yeah yeah, you know me.”

Anna, on radio - “That is exactly the issue here.”

Johan could hear Josef to the static ‘Yeah, he’s punk’. He’ll show them.

in the pits

Anna approached Team Mravolinski-Chitco stand. She dragged Josef with them, trying to find out if they could help at all, but unfortunately it was a lost cause. The team seemed devastated, she thought. A real bummer.

Josef got out a bottle of Vana Tallinn, an Estonian liquor and offered it to the team. He nodded and left with Anna.

Anna, muttering to herself - “So we’ll be out of baskets and liquor by the end of this…”

back in the car

It was pretty uneventful in the Régal (4x4, not that Johan would know), but it was chaos around him. He got a good rhythm going.

Anton, on radio - “We’re approaching the 4 hour mark, you all good? Want to switch up?”

Johan, on radio - “No, everything’s good, still a third of the tank left, got past bubblegum again, am I still 6th?”

Anna, on radio - “Yes! Started lap #256. Keep going like that, no more mistakes.”

Johan, on radio - “Damn, can’t get through to the FM, he’s always a step ahead of me. Oh shit… I can see the boyracer Callahan behind me, hell, I thought he was well behind with his pitstop… I’ll have to push it some more.”

Anna and Anton, in unison, over the radio - “No!!!”

to be continued

Maverick74 · 25 October 2022 02:05

Team If It's Not Punk It's Junk

Race Day

After a couple of weeks preparing the car, most of which was spent doing up the theme, the band finds themselves at the track. Fern is suiting up for the first four hour stint, Ox is hastily taping up the mess of wires that make up the dashboard, and Alyssa is helping Iggy unsuccessfully make the Wyvern’s carburetor idle properly. He ushers Alyssa aside before slamming down the hood
“Bollocks to all 'hat! Bloody 'hing buggered up good like! Fern, you just 'ave to give it the wellies, aye?”
“Sounds good, old man. Ox, you about finished up in there? Race is about to start.”
Ox crawls out from under the dash, stretching to get the kinks out his back from the awkward angle
“Yep. Certainly ain’t perfect, but it might hold up.”
“At least it looks bloody brilliant,” Alyssa pipes up, beaming at their handywork
“Aye, ou lot have done a bang up job. Now et on ot there and put on a show!”

Fern clambers behind the wheel, getting the Cambridge started after a few reluctant cranks. She soon discovers that a slightly dodgey clutch and cankerous carb makes for a difficult start
“Bugger all!” she shouts, dumping the clutch and roasting up the rear tires leaving the pits. It doesn’t take long into the race to find out the suspension is utterly knackered. The car is loose as a goose, the rear of the car not always obeying what the front is asking it to do. But Fern, not one to back down from a challenge, pushes through the quirks, doing her best to keep it under control. And she does a decent job at it

Up until she doesn’t. Going into turn three, the left rear brake caliper seizes up, throwing the car into a 180 degree spin and stalling the engine.
“Bloody hell,” Fern exclaims, a bit rattled “That was bit of a kip!” The Cambridge protests about getting going again but eventually does so. Once again giving the old bird the beans, Fern rejoins the race a bit more showy than intended. About an hour goes by, Fern soldiering on bravely.

“Aight, I think I’m getting a feel for the old bird,” she thought to herself. It’s about this time that rear brake heard her thoughts and decided to lock up again. But this time the car stayed on the track and the view through the windshield is full of of incoming cars.
“OH BUGGER!” Fern yelps out as she clutches the steering wheel. After an orchestra of screeching tires and crunching metal, she opens her eyes to find herself still intact. A glance in the rear view mirror shows that some of the competitors didn’t have quite the same experience. Once back pointing the correct direction, she sputters past the Schnell with Team Postgaduate up their trumpet. “Sorry about that!” she yells out the window as she goes past.

The rest of her stint goes by mostly uneventful, with nothing more than one or two exuberant maneuvers to showcase the Wyvern’s schizophrenia. Fern pulls in for the first driver change of the day, finding their pits empty. She gets out of the car, finding Alyssa snoozing away in the back of their van.
“Oi!” Fern says, nudging her friend awake “What is all this then? We be in the middle of a race and ye be taking a nap? Where’s the old man? And Ox? It’s his turn to drive, you know?”
“Eh, it’s not been quite as exciting here in the pits,” Alyssa answers groggily “Certainly not as exciting a time as you been having, what with all the pirouettes you’ve been showboating. What’s that all about?”
“Err, that’s all the car. Thing belongs in a skip. It’s a bit…temperamental. But never mind that, where are the others?”
“Well, I don’t know as to where your pops buggered off to. But Ox went to the cantina for his afternoon tea. Reckon he’s still there.”
Sure enough, Fern finds Ox at a table near the concessions stand, sipping on a paper cup and quietly watching the race go on. Upon seeing his friend stride up to him, he puts the cup down and states, “Be that time, is it?”
“You’re bloody right it’s that time! Some pit crew you lot are, be like herding cats.” Fern rolls her eyes and sighs “Anyways, best I tell you, that alleged car of yours certainly seems to have a mind of it’s own. Be all over the track eight ways to Sunday. Think something in the suspension may have went of holiday. And the carburetor has the fits. Oh, yeah, almost forgot, the bloody rear brakes like to punt you off! But apart from the it be a peach.”
Ox contemplates this for a moment before shrugging. “Right. Guess I best be off then, yeah?”

interior · 25 October 2022 02:35

Team Slow
Part 3-The Race. Time to shine.

Previous parts.

Team Slow, The return
Part 0, The Beginning to the hopeful finale of the event.
The 2022 Trafikjournalen 24h clunker challenge (NOON - 4PM) - #34 by interior

Part 1, It will make it to the races, maybe?
The 2022 Trafikjournalen 24h clunker challenge (NOON - 4PM) - #72 by interior

Part 2, To the races! (And Beyond)
The 2022 Trafikjournalen 24h clunker challenge (NOON - 4PM) - #104 by interior

As the driver for this section of the race, Izzy, shoves it into gear and starts racing, Trying to minimise as much use of the brakes as possible due to their sticky nature, Just moments on a corner, the rear end of the vehicle starts swinging out, she tried to control it but just about barely hits the guardrail.

“That was close”, as she straightens the vehicle and gets the car more onto the road than the edge.

As Matt watches from the pits, he radios Izzy and asks "Did the car get destroyed yet, and she responds with "No, but, that Bricksley though had slammed hard into the guardrail.

After some time, Izzy rushes to pick up the CB radio to say “The team with the- Shit! I got fucking rear ended!” She ends up dropping the CB radio mic piece and then downshifts and picks up some speed, The damages aren’t stopping the car from becoming a doorstop. Although an expensive one at that.

After picking up speed, she continues racing although trying to keep the car straight, although an minimal offset. Izzy then picks up the cb radio piece and says “We’re in third! Lets go” and then Matt replies with “Not first place, but it’s still top 3. Keep it going! Maybe we’d survive the whole race, Although that Przeno-something really likes that guardrail.”

Izzy starts to concentrate even more on the road, but the ECU issues are starting to arise during the race, such as misfiring and power loss, but it’s not stopping her from continuing the race with the car during this run. Matt then radios again, “Those brakes, get into the pits. NOW!” he says with an concerned tone than usual. Izzy then drives into the pits, and asks teams for some brake calipers.

Matt: I’ll seal up the power steering leak and you go ask for some calipers, WD40 even?, alright?

Izzy: Got it. That Saguario didn’t last long. That team had potential too.

Matt: This time i’m driving after those brakes are replaced and you do mechanicals on the next stage. You did good, could be better.

(OOC: Anyone have a spare set of brake calipers?)

cake_ape · 25 October 2022 03:13

Bubblegum interview: 0-4 hours

Our man Jorgen was in charge of piloting the Bubblegum for the first sting of the 24 hour race. We asked the rookie driver about his experience.

Mons Public Relations: So Jorgen, what can you tell us about the race so far?

Jorgen: Oh, what an experience, I can not thank Mons Racing enough for this experience, they have been great! It’s truly a privilege to be allowed to take the helm of this great vehi…

MPR: Jorgen, thank you for the flattery and PR speak, but you can relax. We’re genuinely curious about your experience…

J: Oh, right, sorry. Well, the race started out just fine. The car got off the line great and no there was no drama at all! I just drove around in circles until I got a little dizzy… but pushed on even as other cars started lapping me. I mean, it’s a beast of a car, this Bubblegum, but it’s no race car you know.

MPR: We understand. Did you have any interesting moments though? We saw you kissed the guardrail early on…

J: Yeah, I was just settling into a rhythm and checking my mirror a lot because… well… to be frank, I had to worry more about traffic behind me trying to overtake than traffic in front. In any case, all of a sudden there was this slow moving car - I don’t even remember which one, it went so fast - and I had to swerve! I’m just glad the damage was limited to some paint loss.

MPR: Yeah, it’s such a shame about that nice paint job! But some battle scars are par for the course. Then we saw another little incident?

J: yeah, about halfway through the stint. It was another one of those where I didn’t expect traffic in front. I had learned from my previous mistake though and managed to avoid hitting the car or the guardrail. I can’t say the same for a later incident though! I was finally in a really good rhytm with the track and the car, when there was another slow moving car ahead - this time the Przenopewien I think. I manage to slam on the breaks to avoid a crash. But then the Callahan hits me! Totally stalled the engine. This left me a little shaken and stranded momentarily, but luckily I got the car going again. But I’ll make sure to have a word with the Postgraduate Psychosis team after the race!

MPR: But you and the car were fine…?

J: As far as I can tell, yes. But who knows, such a jolt can easily damage the transmission for example. I know the Mons mechanics keep an eye on things.

MPR: We’re sure they are indeed! Well, thank you for the interview. Now go and have a well deserved rest!

MPR: Ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. Jorgen was the driver for the first stint. He’s done a fabulous job keeping the car alive and in the running. Currently 13th, but still with a clear shot at a top 10, this is shaping up to be an exciting race! After the first pitstop for fuel our second driver, Vanessa took the wheel and is now lapping valiantly around in the Bubblegum. We will catch up with her after her stint is done - stay tuned!

AndiD · 25 October 2022 08:20

Team Oxracers, Ep. 10: A rolling start

Mary, Jane, Lucas and a sulking Corazon are standing behind the guardrail next to the starting line, eagerly awaiting the start signal. Beforehand, they had a bit of a row on who would drive the start stint. For Corazon the sole correct answer was obviously Corazon whereas the others were clearly in favour of Michael due to his greater real life racing experience.

Mary had a look over the ‘colourful’ starting field - her initial reconaissance mission among the other teams in cat form had yielded nothing out of the ordinary, besides the insight that the individual and the team personalities were as colourful as the cars were on the outside.

Strike noon, the organisers gave the signal to start the race… and immediately chaos ensued due to the essentially randomised starting order, the varying levels of traction, and that presumably noone had actually practised a start.

The Kando was among the smallest cars in the field, and so Michael behind the wheel sometimes felt a bit like a go-kart among lorries. Luckily, it was also one of the lightest and narrowest cars on the grid, and so he could dodge and weave better than most other competitors through the winding track.

Track surface conditions were consistently changing - Michael suspected a mix of the dirt parts of the track being literally ploughed over by some of the sometimes haplessly drifting heavier competitors, and a changing percentage of oil being part of the track surface due to leaks. Even his level 2 racecraft skill could not prevent the Kando from ending up in the guardrail once, following suit to the Bricksley and the Saguaro at the same place, luckily not with too much damage.

After a fair while, things calmed down a bit and he had gained sufficient confidence in the Kando to increase pace and to correctly distinguish gaps that actually existed from gaps that might only be there in his wildest imagination. “This is a 24h race, not a 24min race”, he reminded himself. He touched the radio button, one of the few buttons left (and rewired) on the otherwise throughly disemboweled Kando dash and interior.

Mary answered. “Leading according to the official timing, by over a lap already! You surely must have noticed that you keep overtaking the same cars over and over.”

“Really?” Michael was thoroughly astonished, but then reminded himself, that it was common practice in arcade simulations to start last and consistently overtake one car after another as part of the game design. “This is not Forza, right”, he mumbled. “But it feels a bit like it, at the moment.”

A split second reaction to a crash between the Régal and a guardrail ahead of him catapulted him back to reality (whatever that was…), and he could only make contact with the guardrail himself after he had seen things too late after the Mons and the Saguaro ahead of him had swerved successfully. “Now this is more like Forza - but multiplayer”, he grumbled before getting the Kando into gear again.

Knugcab · 25 October 2022 18:24

TEAM TRAFIKJOURNALEN
NOON-4PM

After socializing a little with Mat from Team Mravolinski-Chitco and Anna from Team Prognosis Negative, it was more or less time to start, and the team decided that Filip Andersson was going to take the wheel, since he had the most experience in the actual car.

The start was done a bit cowardly, since he knew that it was very easy to give all or nothing, with the torquey and very heavy cast iron lump up front. The same, however, could not be said about Team “If it’s not punk, it’s junk”, which covered the Saarland in tire residues at the start.

"Oh, it was already beige and red, now it is black too!", Hansen said to Carlén in the pits.
"Goddamned lunatics", Carlén answered.

Meanwhile in the Saarland, Andersson started to regret that he had laughed at the korean fridge, that appearantly was deadly fast, he could not keep up with it how much he even tried.

Carlén and Hansen in the pits was watching the mess at the track and shook their heads at the driving some of the teams did. The first car arrived in the pits, the Saguaro, which didn’t surprise them since it looked like it had been standing still for years. They prepared for Andersson playing pinball with the other cars on the track like last year, but it appears like he could keep the big Saarland wagon pretty well under control, unlike another team with a boat, team Shift Happens, that was the next one to roll into the pits. It seemed like everyone had problem at that corner. They watched some serious panel beating and welding happen over at Shift Happens, remembering their somewhat “unconventional” repairs from last year.

"One thing is for sure, those furries never give up", Hansen said.

The second time the Callahan came in they shook their heads again. It appeared like it actually WAS worse drivers in the world than Filip Andersson, even though he made a kind of wide drift with the Saarland earlier.

"Look, Team Mravolinski-Chitco is already loading the Saguaro on their trailer, Carlén said.

"Not too unlikely that we have our first DNF there", Hansen answered. "Well, sad to see since they seemed a bit enthusiastic over the race. At least it was not the Saarland."

"Strangely enough it was not the Saarland", Carlén answered.

"True", Hansen said before he was interrupted by Izzy from Team Slow shouting something about brake calipers.

"Are you going to start changing brake calipers in the middle of a race? Are you nuts?", he asked her and sighed. He took a bottle of WD40 and went to Team Slow in the pits, spraying it behind the seals, and telling Matt to motion the brakes a bit while he was yanking between the brake discs and pads.

"Now I would be surprised if they won’t last for the rest of the race. What happens then is of less concern now, right?", he mumbled and got back to their own place in the pits again.

"Rumours says that she is a Schnell technichan, but I honestly start to doubt it", Hansen said to Carlén.

TO BE CONTINUED…

@interior

interior · 25 October 2022 21:20

Gonna do that reply write up soon. I guess changing callipers is not a viable option. Oh well wd40 does better, and i’ve forgotten about wd40/brake cleaners

interior · 25 October 2022 22:48

Team Slow
Part 3.2

Previous parts.

Team Slow, The return
Part 0, The Beginning to the hopeful finale of the event.
The 2022 Trafikjournalen 24h clunker challenge (NOON - 4PM) - #34 by interior

Part 1, It will make it to the races, maybe?
The 2022 Trafikjournalen 24h clunker challenge (NOON - 4PM) - #72 by interior

Part 2, To the races! (And Beyond)
The 2022 Trafikjournalen 24h clunker challenge (NOON - 4PM) - #104 by interior

After what can only be considered as Matt being disappointed in his girlfriend for asking such a ridiculous question about getting replacement brake calipers. Matt does what Hansen told him to which is motioning the brakes, Izzy then looks and says “Oh, that’s how it’s done on the cheap. I guess that works.” After the repairs have been done, Matt takes over the driving for the second half.

Izzy answers Hansen with “Forgot WD40 was an option too. Sorry about that misunderstanding, though the lubricant does better”

Izzy then puts on the wheels, removes jackstands and car jack, puts the car down and pulls away the jack and Matt starts driving.

As he’s worked on vehicles for most of his life, unlike Izzy, he’s considering to put himself as the mechanic of the next round. Or as a 50/50 effort. Matt says as he’s driving “Weird to how she’s worked at the engineering team yet asked for new calipers”

Matt continues driving on the track.

(this one’s super short mainly because of the segment itself)

Texaslav · 26 October 2022 07:43

Darn, guess I need to do pre-race and race together.

Team Postgraduate Psychosis Chapter 0.3

The day has come. Julia, who has gotten familiar with the Callahan in the past several days and was mostly trusted not to crash it en route, pulls up to the venue in the now-single-seater clunker. Ulf and Gunther roll up in the former’s Mercedes. With them are their pit assistants: Anders, Ulf’s uncle, Victor, one of Gunther’s drinking buddies, and a box of tools and spares minor. The group stops in the parking lot outside, where the Mercedes is unceremoniously ditched.

Julia: We’re here. I’ve been to this track once or twice, so I know how to get to the pits; honestly, you should all just jog behind me or something.

Victor: And be deaf by the time we get here? Christ. Was hacking off most of the exhaust parts really necessary, Gunny? That trumpet symphony’s all we’re going to be listening for the next twenty-four!

Anders: If it lives that long. I heard what Gunther and Julia did to that engine, and where they got it from; I’m not convinced it’ll hold.

Julia: I’m right here, you know. Either way, we should set up in our pit as soon as we can… Who’s on snack duty?

Ulf: I got you covered. Holds up a massive camping backpack full of energy drinks and two-hour-cold barbecue

Victor: Jeez, I can’t get a read on that guy. Gunny, surely you’re aware that your friend has some screws loose?

Gunther: I don’t know what you’re talking about. And don’t call me Shirley.

The team heads into the pits to set up.
The drinking duo, not eager to work their asses off quite yet, take a leisurely stroll to size up the competition.

Anders: I’m still not sure what the two of you see in that ‘Gunther’ type. Seems like a prick to me.

Ulf: As far as I am aware, he does that on purpose. It is a sort of defense mechanism: If you are the type of person to dismiss him, then he does not have to deal with you. Personally, I find that he makes up for his antics by being good at what he does.

Julia: He especially doesn’t like people who talk behind his back - and I, for one, am with him. So if you want to win this thing, try to forget you ever had that thought.

Anders: tch. I’ll consider myself outvoted then. Either way, we’ve got the provided toolkit, our own set of stuff, and I’ve put the impacts where you can see them.

Gunther and Victor return, looking contemplative but not disheartened

Julia: So, what’s the scoop?

Gunther: Well, there’s roughly three categories in this race. There’s a couple small shitboxes, which was to be expected. They’ll be nimble and I don’t know if we can catch them easily, but I’d wager we can intimidate them when in close proximity.

Victor: Then there’s the medium cars. They’re not too far off from ours, but they’re all a lot older. Honestly, I’m not sure how our Carver got ruined quickly enough to be a ‘clunker’ at its age.

Johan from Prognosis Negative: Hey, we’ve got some motorsports history here, we’ll blow your hood right up!

Gunther: Oh yeah, why don’t you just blow me instead! /ahem/ And those guys fit the bill as well. They’re in our weight class, so we’ll have to beat’em up clean.

More importantly, this race is packed full of old cars. Stay the hell away from them. Some of them are framed, so they’re about as movable as a concrete pillar with rebar. They’ll be slower and thisrtier, but if you get into a slugfest you will lose.

Chapter 1.1: The first sixth

It’s high noon. The sun might not be withering, but the prospect of running a race for 24 hours is. A cooler full of Ulf’s energy drinks is all that lies between Team PP and total wastage.

Anders: Well, you got me. That Gunther takes a mean corner. Not to seem like the old geezer in this conversation… (Victor: Well, you are!) …But he seems to be managing a lot of near misses. Not really sure if it’s gonna keep working like that forever.

Sure enough, at some point in the second hour, a three-car conflagration involving a /certain/ group of mad Brits makes the Callahan’s hood go right up and refuse to close.

Gunther: Shit!! Well, it’s not like I could see past that scoop anyways!

Gunther unstraps himself and finishes the lap, driving into the pits practically leaning out the window - and falls out of the car when the door is opened.

Ulf: Are you hurt?

Gunther: Fine. Sledgehammer. Now!!

Gunther grabs the sledgehammer from Victor and, after lining up, smashes the hood with resolve and a rebel yell. He overdoes it, of course, and is reduced to judicious tapping and slamming. Julia gets ready for a stint; Anders refills the tank.

Gunther: Well, that about does it! Start her back up.

The Carver starts up from half-crank, still rearing to go.

Gunther: Now remember, you have to stay vigilant! I can’t put a ring on a corpse. Seriously though, good luck.

As Julia powers out of the pits, the team looks on.

Ulf: You know, I am astonished that the scoop is still on. I would have thought it would have been the first to go.

Anders: Heh, I guess that even in our country, the term “redneck engineering” had to apply to somebody. You’re a strange man, Gunther.

Gunther: Hmph. Yes, I am. Now give me that headset, I gotta keep an ear out for my girl.

Ulf: I told you, Uncle Andi. He sees you as overbearing. I suggest you withdraw.

Julia started her stint in the opening minutes of Hour 3. Now, in the waning ones of Hour 4, she meets the exact thing they had resolved to avoid: the rear end of a huge, bubblegum-pink Mons sedan. The Callahan has a split bumper that’s scraping on a tire, and Julia drives it into the pits.

Gunther: Jesus, that just about gave me a heart attack. Are you alright?

Julia: Don’t worry, just a little bump. Did you see what I did to that Mons thing? It stalled and is still trying to start back up!

Gunther: No, for real, you okay? Does anything hurt?

Julia: Calm down, Gunny, I’m fine. In fact, I’m staying in. Now patch this thing up and get me out there!

Gunther: A-alright.

The Carver is refueled and taped up; Victor checks out the left rear tire, the one affected by the scraping, and says that it doesn’t look any worse than it did in the morning. Julia eventually departs to raise some more hell.

Gunther: Well, shit. We’re dozens of minutes behind that runt of a Seongu. This race hasn’t been kind to us.

The team’s frat king munches somewhat dejectedly on a cold pork rib; the amount of rear-ending they’d inadvertently dished out was frustrating his hopes for a good early lead.

Anders: Well, we can look at it a different way. For all the bullshit that’s happened so far - and I do agree it’s bullshit - we’re still in the first half, and liable to gain. Your rust bucket is a remarkably solid one.

Victor: Yo dude, look! Julia’s right on the tail of that tryhard with the Regal! And from what I can see, the head punk’s actually driving it!

a smirk creeps onto Gunther’s face once again. He grabs the headset and puts it on.

Gunther: Hey, sugar…

Julia - on radio: What is it, Gunny-bunny?

Gunther: Tch. That guy in front of you… He’s got an attitude problem. Kick his ass for me, will ya?

Julia: Oh, bring it on!!

To be continued

AndiD · 26 October 2022 09:38

Team Oxracers, Ep. 11: On a roll…

On the two hour mark, the Kando had made a quick visit to the pits to switch out Michael for Corazon for him to take his first stint. Since everything else was fine with the Kando, they switched in and out of the car in no time, that even the organisers might not have noticed. The only thing Corazon does quickly before he gets going again is lower the driver side window a bit further.

Corazon rejoins right behind the Bricksley which has a much higher speed on the short curved start/finish straight. In the next two corners Corazon is right on the Bricksley’s bumper but cannot pass due to the Bricksley occupying much of the ideal line (and beyond) of these corners, and it even thunders a few metres away from the Kando on the next short straight.

However, Corazon positions himself on the insight line and brakes much later than the heavy Bricksley, having now the better position through the next left hander.

“YOU WANNA CHALLENGE THE GOD OF DRIVING?”, he yells out of the window towards the Bricksley as he takes the left/right combination ahead of them. @Madrias

**

Meanwhile, in the pits, Jane and Lucas discuss some finer points of suspension tuning as they hear loud noises of metal-on-metal from one of the nearby improvised pit areas.

Lucas looks a bit worried. “Shall we go have a look?”

“Nah.” Jane shrugs. “I suspect Mary will be back shortly and tell us anyway.”

“Where is she… oh.” Lucas still has not gotten used to Mary’s newfound (or old?) and unsual powers.

Indeed, a short while after, Mary emerges from behind Jane’s strategically parked large Saarland Siegel Pilger and tells the other two of the Postgraduate Psychosis team’s use of a sledgehammer to fix the Callahan’s hood.

“Percussive maintenance.” Jane beams. “Sounds like my kinda guy…”

**

Corazon meanwhile has gotten used to dodging and weaving through the rest of the field, either to pass slower cars or to avoid the odd mishap… such as the Saarland skidding wide through a corner, leaving the inside line to Corazon.

“NOW THERE WAS SOME VROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT, RIGHT?” he yells at Filip Andersson, as he leaves the recovering Saarland behind. @Knugcab

Since he had looked away from the track, only through lightning quick reactions does Corazon manage not to skid too wide through the next corner himself.

**

A while later a loud commotion from one of one of the other pits awakens the napping Michael. “Anything happening?” he asks the others who can only shrug since this time it seems to originate from further away and they cannot see anything.

Suddenly, Mary appears on the opposite side. “Team Mravolinski-Chitco is out of the race, unfortunately. Terminal brake damage as far as I could make out.”

“Already? That’s sad”, Michael comments.

“Hope they stay until the afterparty”, Lucas adds.

“Hope they stay sober enough until the afterparty…”, Jane corrects. “I certainly wouldn’t…”

**

Corazon meanwhile is stuck behind the FM StreetSport. He could go a bit faster, but his usual overtaking tactics do not seem to work against a car that’s almost as nimble as the Kando through the corners, and the track isn’t particularly conducive to getting better traction out of corners. (Besides, noone has told Corazon the benefits of slow-in, fast-out yet.)

After a couple of corners without much success getting past the FM, he decides to brake a tad later than usual in order to shove the FM out of the way. “IT’S NUDGE OR BE NUDGED!” Corazon shouts out of the still opened driver window. @Jaimz68

He neglects to mention that the FM is probably the only car in the field that wouldn’t outright win a nudging contest with the Kando…

**

From the corner of her eye, Jane notices something large and pink roll into the pit area. This time, Jane checks out the Bubblegum box herself since Mary and Lucas seem to be in an animated discussion.

“No, they don’t have a fuel leak or something, they seem to genuinely need that much fuel”, she reports back as she returns, smiling smugly. @cake_ape “How much have we left, by the way?”

Using her walkie-talkie, Mary relays the question to Corazon in the car and the answer back to Jane. “Two thirds to three quarters of a tank. He says he cannot see things clearly.”

“It’s one of the old analogue horizontal fuel gauges”, Jane explains. “With the track being mainly left turns, and the Kando taking turns at speed, the gauge should… underestimate the amount of fuel… I think. But I guess we pit when the fuel lamp lights up.”

“If it works”, mutters Lucas. “Have we ever checked it?”

“Good point”, noted Jane. “Mary, can you give us a reminder on the next driver swap that we check whether it makes sense to refuel early?”

Mary nods. “Managing such a lead is kinda different as I expected it”, she comments. “And it certainly isn’t less pressure, perhaps even the other way round. If we were in the midfield, it’d be just something for fun. Now it would look odd if we wouldn’t win…”

Knugcab · 27 October 2022 17:14

PART 2
4 PM-8 PM

Four hours into the race, we wonder if someone is getting a bit tired behind the wheel of the Union because the driving looks a bit erratic every now and then. The Rosewood goes into the pits for a flat tyre, however, it seems like the lug nuts are torqued way too hard, meaning that the team has to struggle and use fair amounts of violence to remove the wheel. Corazon in the Seongu seems to have a little trouble to keep the car in a straight line on the straights at the moment. Team “If it’s not punk it’s junk” keeps drifting through the corners, but oh, shit… Being hit by the Schwarzburg of Team Schrott racing, we wonder if they have learned something now. Both cars more or less comes to a stand still, but no visits in the pits seems to be necessary.

While the Callahan and the Saarland goes in for fuel stops, the Przenopewien goes in to have its squealing fan belt replaced since there is no more margins on the tensioner. The next car to go in for a fuel stop is the FM. We have said this before, but it seems like the WRK was a less wise choice of car for this, since it really seems to have some struggle at the track.

The Union goes into the guardrail, bouncing back on track causing the Saarland to swerve. More or less at the same time, the Przenopewien, Sandhurst and Mons needs refueling. It seems like Team Bubblegum’s driver is a bit too hurried getting back on the track, though, entering with spinning tyres. Also too confident maybe? The driver of the Régal, regarding that car’s braking capacity, meaning that it hits the Seongu from behind, meaning that the rear window now is in a million pieces in the luggage compartment. Since the aerodynamics of the hatchback makes that a perfect entry for gravel, dust and exhaust fumes, Team Oxracers choose to go to the pits to duct tape a sheet of clear plastic as a temporary rear window.

The Union is freewheeling into the pits after a relatively hard landing for some reason. It appears like the transmission jumped into neutral and that it is impossible to get it back into gear again. The result is that Team Desert Scavengers has to use lots of time to try to fix the shifter linkage. Maybe Rukari didn’t really expect the freewheeling Union, braking a bit too hard with the Bricksley and causing the wheels to lock up. This also means that the Seongu has to brake hard, though it stays in control. Filip Andersson, on the other hand does not have the same reactions. To avoid making a pileup he chooses to sacrifice the beautiful red Saarland bumper into the guardrail instead. The oil pressure light have been flickering in the Przenopewien for a while, and Team Shine Quartz decides to take their chances to see if a change of oil and filter will cure the problems. Team Prognosis Negative is taking the turns a bit wide with their Régal, maybe the driver of Team Septic Tank’s Sandhurst loses patience a bit, hitting the rear quarter of the Régal, making it spin around, largely unhurt though while the Sandhurst has to go into the pits for some good ol’ panel beating. Maybe lack of patience has also plagued Team “If it’s not punk it’s junk”. They hit the Rosewood from behind, which slows down the Cambridge a lot more than it slows down the Rosewood.

The next car to hit Team Spy kids puke green…ehm…thing, is the Bricksley. This time, both cars needs a visit to the pits, the Bricksley mostly to rip off the last remaining sherds of the plastic bumper, but the Rosewood needs some serious panel beating. Though, in an attempt to leave the pits like a champ, the Rosewood goes out with a loud bang. With the innards of the rear axle trying to play peek-a-boo, Team Spy Kids is out of the race with a hole in the diff casing as a proof of having been here in 2022. Team Bubblegum seems to have a hard time letting the thoughts of demolition derby just pass, since the Mons crashes into the Union. Maybe the FM or Seongu would have been better opponents instead of another rock solid BOF yank-tank, since the crash have twisted the rusted out frame of the Mons like a cork screw, meaning that Team Bubblegum is the next team to give up this race. But what’s this? Oh, no… The Union is actually REVERSING into the pits, since it seems like the crash have affected the earlier shift linkage repair so no other gear than reverse works at the moment. So, for the second time, lots of time goes into repairing the shift linkage of the Union. That freakshow makes it go more or less unnoticed that the Régal is going in to fill up its tank. And…oh, shit, the Cambridge is suddenly very low in the rear…on just one side. It seems like Team “If it’s not punk it’s junk” will have a job to do now with replacing a broken coil spring in the rear.

The Seongu might be fast, but it seems to be kind of a struggle to keep it on the track sometimes, judging by the spinout it just did. The Bricksley is once again going in for a refuelling. It is worse for the Przenopewien where the alternator now is junk, luckily enough the team had a spare one with them that gets replaced in the pits. The FM understeers into the guardrail with a heavy bang and has to go into the pits for some equally heavy panel beating. The WRK is the next car to go for a refuelling.

The Schnell does a spinout, and the sputtering afterwards might be a sign that the tank is getting empty, so it goes into the pits for a refill. The Przenopewien hits the Union from behind and a sudden smell of gas makes Team Desert Scavengers suspicious. Seems like they are right, the hose between the filler neck and fuel tank has popped loose from the crash and disappeared somewhere, meaning that they need to do their best to replace it. And once again, the somewhat…eh…wild driving caused by a certain team that maybe should have renamed themselves “Anarchy from the UK” is causing troubles. The FM hits the drifting Cambridge, meaning that Team SCS once again has to do some panel beating in the pits. Meanwhile, the Schwarzburg is going in for refuelling.

The Callahan and the Przenopewien is close to get into a tangle, but somehow manages to avoid it, spinning around farther away from each other rather than crashing, it sure costs both teams some time, though. The FM once again goes into the pits, it seems like the earlier crash damaged the battery, which is changed out for a new one. There is also some nudging of the guardrail by the Sandhurst.

CURRENT STANDINGS

Team Oxracers / #41 Seongu (@AndiD ) - Lap # 553
Team Postgraduate Psychosis / #66 Callahan (@Texaslav ) - Lap # 529
Team Slow / #91 Schnell (@interior ) - Lap # 516
Team Septic Tank / #404 Sandhurst (@stm316 ) - Lap # 503
Team Prognosis Negative / #8 Régal (@karhgath ) - Lap # 501
Team Schrott Racing / # 13 Schwarzburg (@Rudzis ) - Lap # 497
Team Trafikjournalen / #23 Saarland (@Knugcab ) - Lap # 494
Team If it’s not punk it’s junk / #16 Cambridge (@Maverick74 ) - Lap # 493
Team Rogue Traders / #722 WRK (@Fayeding_Spray ) - Lap # 486
Team Shift Happens / #357 Bricksley (@Madrias / @Elizipeazie ) - Lap # 479
Team SCS / #69 FM (@Jaimz68 ) - Lap # 462
Team Shine Quartz / #98 Przenopewien (@Vento ) - Lap #426
Team Desert Scavengers / #47 Union (@TheYugo45GV ) - Lap # 425
Team Bubblegum / #113 Mons (@cake_ape ) - Lap # 386 (DNF)
Team Spy Kids / #42 Rosewood (@SheikhMansour ) - Lap # 365 (DNF)
Team Mravolinski-Chitco / #90 Saguaro (@MrdjaNikolen ) - Lap # 123 (DNF)

Madrias · 27 October 2022 18:07

Team Shift Happens

On The Track - Race Pt.1 - 12:00-4:00PM
The Human Side of Things - Written by Elizipeazie

(While this is written as a whole piece, there will be a segment later dealing with some things going on in the pits. So, just know that around the time of our driver change, other things have happened.)

4 PM

Rukari had started to figure out exactly how hard he could push the Grand Warden, the tires squealing and the engine roaring like any classic 90’s buddy-cop-show with car chases would have. He knew the car had a secret weapon, but had been told to keep it under 6,000 RPM early on, to not hurt their chances, and so he let the automatic do what it wanted, watching as other drivers made mistakes. The Magistrate was all over the road, the Rosewood picked up some track debris and ended up with a flat, the Seongu slithered like a serpent on the straightaways, all was witnessed from the relative peace of the Bricksley.

When Team “It’s Junk” got hit by Team Schrott Racing and ended up stalling both cars, Rukari swerved to avoid them, lights flashing and siren screaming as the engine produced a savage roar. He fought to keep the blue haze out of the corners of his vision, his twin hearts racing already, trying to keep focused and not let the adrenaline of the hunt get the better of him.

Several cars go into the pit lane, leaving Rukari a little surprised that so many people needed to go almost at the same time. He passed the WRK pickup truck, giving a glance at the rear quarter panel with a malicious grin. Someone was going to get a taste of the nudge bar before he was done.

There was a clattering bang behind him as the Magistrate bounced off of the guardrail, followed by the shriek of tires from the Saarland as it avoided the incident, then passed the brutal Bricksley. Three more cars disappeared for gas, with one re-entering the track in a flurry of wheelspin. Then there was a heavy crash as the Regal and the Seongu had a fender-bender that resulted in a busted hatch window. Rukari looked for a second or two, only to look back and stomp on the brakes, the front wheels shrieking as the Bricksley locked up.

THUD!

The Magistrate, which had been coasting along toward the pits, was in front of Rukari in that moment, getting a firm and impolite smack on the ass from the nudge-bar. Doing the right thing, Rukari pushed the Magistrate into the pit lane with the Grand Warden, driving through and rejoining the track with a bit less plastic protecting the front crash structure.

In all of that, it was good that the Seongu hadn’t bounced off of the Bricksley, though the Saarland had to eat some guardrail to avoid the mess.

More cars end up in the pits, some for parts, some for some panel adjustments.

Rukari caught up to the Rosewood, engine roaring. There was a hint of the blue haze in his vision, and he gave a savage grin as he deliberately put the nudge bar into the Rosewood’s rear quarter panel and drove through it, PIT maneuvering the Rosewood and getting the attention of the crew in the pit lane.

“Okay, Rukari, we’re going to have to take the rest of the plastic off, and you’re done for now,” Kivenaal said.

Both the Bricksley and the Rosewood cruised into the pits, with one car looking way better than the other. Rukari threw the car in park, unlatched the harness, and climbed out of the driver’s seat.

“You are such an idiot, you know that?” Malavera said, shaking both heads. “That was both reckless and dangerous.”

“Ahd fun,” Rukari replied, smirking. “They were in way.”

Kivenaal dragged the rest of the front bumper out of the way and nudged Kayden into action. Kayden swallowed the last bite of his sandwich and crawled into the car, pulled the seat forward a notch, and waited for a bit of gas and to watch the Rosewood pop their differential. Then he pulled the gearbox into Drive, hit the sirens and lights again, and punched the gas. The engine bellowed and the car shrieked past the stricken Rosewood in a huge cloud of tire smoke, returning to the track in time to witness the Mons and Union having a crash.

Kayden got on the radio and taunted Team Bubblegum with (@cake_ape) “So, not just did you have a drunken hillbilly paint the car pink for you, you’ve got her driving it, too? I think even Marie would be able to avoid hitting every car on the track.”

As the Magistrate reversed into the pits, and Team Bubblegum put their car onto a trailer, Kayden shook his head and chuckled. He watched as Team “It’s Junk” had a busted coil spring, chuckling as well as they’d had to deal with that last year, too.

It was a while out there with nothing significant going on, other than the fuel draining at an alarming rate thanks to one very, very thirsty V8 engine under the hood with a mild pursuit tune and a chip giving it more power. He cruised by the spinning Seongu, just in time to fly up the pit lane for gas. The Przenopewien pulled in behind them and threw the hood open, fixing an engine issue, while the FM gathered up a brush with the guardrail and a date with the hammer to fix it. As he was leaving, Kayden watched the WRK cruise in for gas.

Right in front of him, the Schnell spun out, sputtering and coughing as it tried to get going again. Then he heard another crash as the Przenopewien sped out of the pit lane and plowed into the back of the Magistrate, forcing Desert Scavengers to have to pit for repairs to their gas tank.

The FM and the Cambridge had a bit of a tangle, returning the FM to the pit lane for more hammer time.

Kayden gripped the wheel and threw the Grand Warden into another turn as the Schwarzburg went in for gas, followed by the Callahan and the Przenopewien doing a little dance on the track, spinning around while avoiding each other. Again, the FM returned to the pit lane for repairs, making Kayden shake his head and get on the radio to them. (@Jaimz68) “You sure he’s able to drive that thing? He’s crashed it twice already bad enough to need hammer time. Might want to save the car.”

A thump and screeching from behind him causes Kayden to put the radio down and look into the mirrors, seeing the Sandhurst riding the guard rail around the corner. “Didn’t realize I was playing Forza,” Kayden grumbled to himself. “What next, someone rams me in the next corner at full throttle?”

cake_ape · 27 October 2022 18:34

Bubblegum interview: 4 - 6:24 hours

Shortly after the five-hour mark the Bubblegum’s second driver, Vanessa rolls into the pits for refuelling. Caleb takes over and speeds out of the pits with squealing tires and a lot of smoke. He certainly seems on fire and determined to make up some places! In the meantime we have some time to catch up with Vanessa to see how her stint was.

MPR: So Vanessa, can you tell us about your stint behind the wheel?

V: Actually, there is really not that much to tell! It was a bit hectic out there, but I managed to not get tangled up in any calamity.

MPR: Yes, we noticed that you brought the Bubblegum back in one piece - and without any additional scratches or dings!

V: Yes, I am quite pleased! The car held up well too in this stint, so I just kept my head down and circled as fast as I dared! Some of these other drivers sure are scary though! I kind-of wish that the Bubblegum had bigger mirrors too, because I had to swerve not just cars that spun out in front, but also dodge the ones coming up from behind and expecting me to just vanish out of the way!

MPR: So from your experience on the track now, how do you rate the Bubblegum’s chances at a top-ten finish?

V: Actually, it does look like reliability is pretty good so far. The car is not fast, but as long as we can get to the finish line there is a good chance I’d say.

MPR: Thank you Vanessa! I hope you can get some rest before your next stint behind the wheel.

The Mons mechanics look on as a slightly smoking Union pulls into the pits area in reverse, followed by the Bubblegum… The pink car seems to have some alignment issue. And by alignment issue, we mean that the front tires are pointing about 20 degrees to the left and one of the rear tires of completely off the ground… this seems to be major trouble. Caleb is having a hard time keeping the car straight, but manages to at least make it back into the pit box.

The mechanics quickly unbolt the body to check what is going on below the skin. By their shaking heads it’s clear that something is clearly very wrong indeed. They quickly make the determination that the repair to the car’s frame requires much larger equipment than what they have available in the small pit box, so signal to race control that the Bubblegum is unfortunately forced to retire from the race. When asked for comment, the mechanics slipped us this hastily drawn image:

Untitled5

After his exit from the car, MPR caught up with Caleb for an interview.

MPR: Hi Caleb, talk us through your race.

C: First of all, I want to apologize to the team, to the mechanics, to Mons Racing, and Team Desert Scavengers of course for causing a collision that resulted in our retirement. It was never my intention to cause such calamity…

MPR: So what happened out there?

C: Well, when I jumped in the car, I immediately felt confident. It was such a large and powerful car, I didn’t even notice how hard I was pushing it. Looking back, I was perhaps just too eager right away, and kept finding the boundaries of what the car can do. Even the few minor slides and out-of-control moments didn’t hold me back… until… well, the accident happened.

MPR: Talk us through that…

C: Sure, well, it is pretty simple really. The Union was coming up behind to lap us again, and I got a little… well… let’s say carried away with the defence. There was a gap, but I made sure it closed fast. Perhaps a little too fast. And the rest is history. Again, I apologize to everyone involved and the people I’ve let down. And I’d also like to thank Mons for giving me this opportunity to drive their car. It was fun while it lasted.

MPR: Thank you Caleb.

There you have it folks. The Bubblegum makes its exit from the 2022 Trafikjournalen 24h race. It was a fun event and Mons Racing is happy to have given three of their fans a chance to try their hand at real racing. With this experience in the books, Mons might reconsider their stance no entering rookies into the event, and taking it a little more seriously next year with a professional squad. Last but not least, Mons would like to thank the organizers of this event for their hospitality and tireless dedication to clunker racing!

Jaimz68 · 27 October 2022 19:43

Team MCS

Mopey – MAYDAY – MAYDAY – MAYDAY!!!
Spanners – What’s happened?
Mopey – I wanted to go round a bend.
Crackle – And?
Mopey – And the car, well, didn’t, so it’s a bit more dented than it was before.
Spanners – Come in….I’ve got a football and a pump to get the worst of them out……

A short while later

Mopey – MOTHER FU crackles ING SON OF A FU crackles ITCH!
Crackle – How’s it going Georgie?
Mopey – It’s NOT Georgie, it’s….
Crackle – Yeah, we know….How’s it going Mopey?
Mopey – If you weren’t so biiiig then I’d fuck you up sooooo much.
Crackle – I’ll tie BOTH hands behind my back and hop on one….
Spanners – Shut up, both of you! What’s happened?
Crackle – Mopey……
Mopey – CAN YOU STOP CALLING ME MO….
Spanners – SHUT THE FUCK UP BOTH OF YOU. If you don’t then I’ll go piss over someone and get arrested too!!!
Mopey – Piss in the petrol tank of that Cambridge then!
Spanners – Why?
Mopey – They’ve just twatted into me and I’m PISSED OFF!!! I’m coming in for some more reconstructive surgery….
Crackle – Hold that thought………Team Shit Happens is on the radio for you boss….

@Madrias - “You sure he’s able to drive that thing? He’s crashed it twice already bad enough to need hammer time. Might want to save the car.”

Spanners launches the radio at the wall.

Mopey – What did “THEY” want? Hello? Hello? Anyone?

AndiD · 27 October 2022 19:47

Team Oxracers, Ep. 12: Not rolling over

Corazon’s remaining stint behind the wheel of the Seongu so far has been quite uneventful, except for a somewhat erratic steering response on the straights at times. He has settled into a quite comfortable routine going around the track, passing the odd car here and there. And, of course, honking the horn to mock them during the pass - as he had just done with the Régal, for instance, when…

CRUNCH!

As the Kando shudders under a sudden impact, Corazon suddenly is forced to snap out of his trance-like driving (and honking) routine by the sounds of metal-on-metal and glass breaking in a thousand pieces. He angrily yanks at the steering wheel to keep the car stable and turns around to see what has happened.

He has a surprisingly clear view on to the dirty and rusty formerly white Régal directly behind him, as the rear window is now completely shattered and the Régal itself much too close for comfort.

Furiously, he shifts down into second gear and lets the recovering Régal get alongside. Through the still opened driver window he shouts at the Régal driver: “YOU ARE THE EVIL PRINCE OF RACING! BUT NOT EVEN YOU CAN STOP THE DRIVING GOD!” @Karhgath

Undaunted, and without checking whether everything else is okay with the Seongu, he floors the throttle and outbrakes the Régal into the next corner, deliberately giving it another nudge during cornering and then trying to gain some distance quick.

Corazon hears Mary’s voice through the speaker Jane has installed as the sole item of convenience in the Kando’s interior. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Corazon presses the ‘speak’ button. "Arrgh - that idiot in the Régal crashed into me from behind. I am fine and the car seems, too. Just lost the rear window. "

“Let me know if you want to come in. Jane is getting ready for some quickfix.”

“Copy.” A phrase Corazon has always wanted to say in the coolest way possible since having heard it too many times in action movies.

In the following two laps Corazon starts to feel slightly dizzy and has to cough several times. The reason is, of course, an unhealthy mix of gasoline fumes and dust and dirt from the track entering the Kando’s cabin through the strong draft between the open driver window and the gaping hole in the Kando’s tailgate.

“Corazon to Mary. I think we need to fix the rear window after all. Coming in.”

“Alright, Jane will be ready, and Lucas will take over. You are almost at the end of your stint anyway.”

Knugcab · 28 October 2022 18:43

TEAM TRAFIKJOURNALEN
4 PM-8 PM

At around 4.30 the Saarland rolled into the pits for a refuelling with an at least somewhat satisfied Filip Andersson behind the wheel.

"Hey, it seems like you have learned your lesson since last year", Carlén said.

"Yeah, no more car-pinball", Hansen continued.

"Nah. But I guess this is a bit more relaxed to drive than a torque-steery 80s turbo hatchback.", Andersson said. "And…a bit thirstier."

"60s cast iron pig is going to want its fuel", Hansen said.

"Oh well, it seems like the Callahan needs fuel too.", Andersson said.

"Sure, but it has done…a lot more laps", Carlén sighed.

"Oh well, at least I can see where I am driving, because no hood scoop", Andersson said, now the refuelling was done so he was speeding away again. He was passing the WRK that was struggling a bit on the track, only to see the Union bounce off the guardrail. Steering away from it quickly, he was a bit relieved that it only ended in a close call. Taking out the turn a bit meant that he even could pass the Bricksley. Life was good. Closing in on the korean fridge, he saw that it now had no rear window, deep inside he thought that revenge was a bit sweet, but on the other hand, there was no chance that the Saarland would beat it anyway, so it was kind of pointless to laugh at someone elses accident. Some laps later, it came out from the pits, and he had no chance closing in on it…

…oh yes he had because NOW IT WAS STANDING STILL, which he noticed a bit too late. Stomping on the brakes, the standard ABS on the Saarland meant that it could at least steer away from the disaster-to-be, but the last bit of braking had to be done by the guardrail. Oh, well. Not like anyone would be missing the red bumper anyway. It was getting a bit messy on the track now, but he managed not to involve the Saarland in any major mishaps. The biggest sigh of them all was probably when he was closing in on the Union. Reversing.

“I SO MUCH want to hear the story behind that”, Andersson thought.

"How am I doing?", he asked when it was time for a driver change.

"Not too bad", Carlén said. "You’re in 7th, but only one lap between you and the Cambridge prevents us from falling down to 8th."

"Well, it will happen anyway, because now Captain Slow will be driving", he said, when the Saarland was leaving the pits with Hansen behind the wheel.

"Maybe", Carlén said. "But it has a chance of holding up now, and then if needed, I can try to give all it has to give on the last laps."

TO BE CONTINUED

interior · 28 October 2022 19:21

Team Slow
Part 4- How not to handle an automobile. The Definitive edition

As Matt drives on the track, thinking his name is “The Stig”, he spins out, and can’t help but notice the engine cutting out and sputtering, he checks the fuel gauge and indeed it was getting empty, he then radios Izzy “We’re empty”, she then prepares the fuel filler gun and goes to the side of the car’s fuel cap.

Matt then stops the car in time as he gets into the pits, Izzy starts refuelling the car, within it already looking like a low-budget Formula One, except without the rapid tire changes and all that fancy shit, The car gets filled enough for it to do another set of laps, and Matt drives out of the pits, tires spinning. For a second or two, in the meanwhile Izzy waits for her turn to drive the car.

Izzy then goes onto the radio for our team and she says “How are those tires doing?”, Matt then replies with “They still stick to the road, although they might become butter soon, who knows.”, he continues his driving uninterrupted for the most part, focusing on the track. Still maintaining the team’s third place, Better than last year’s run with the Hakumai mid-engine sports car that’s for sure.

Maverick74 · 29 October 2022 02:10

Team If It's Not Punk It's Junk

Since Knugcab thinks this should be the team's name :P

Ox suits up and climbs into the old Wyvern for the next four hour stint. It soon come apparent that the drummer’s quiet demeanor isn’t reflected in his driving style. He starts wringing it through the corners with reckless abandon, hanging the tail out at any given opportunity. This goes on for about 15 minutes until his antics push the car too close to the edge. Ox gets a little too sideways, forcing the car to a near stop. This wouldn’t have been much of an issue if it wasn’t for the fact that the Schwarzburg of Team Schrott was going through the same corner. The two cars have a meeting to discuss the strength’s of their steel in a slightly messy fashion
“Oi! You utter pillock! Who gave you a license, mate? Why don’t you look were you’re going!” Ox yells over to the other driver. This is followed by a string of words that would be a little unsuitable for younger audiences before angerly revving the car back into the race.

The next hour or so goes a bit more smoothly for the Not Punk It’s Junk team. Ox’s driving simmers down a bit after the crash, though no less fast with him setting the team’s quickest lap. The Cambridge begins to sputter and cut out on left hand turns, forcing him to head to the pits. A quick diagnosis reveals that the issue is simply that the car is low on petrol. A quick topping up allows the car to head back out. Ox begins charging hard over the next half hour, trying to make up the lost time for the fill up. Looking to make a pass on Team Spy Kids, he misjudges the closing distance and slams into the rear of them. The screech of metal on metal echoes through the cabin as the Wyvern noses under the Rosewood
“Oh, bugger all!” Ox shouts at his own stupidity, slamming on the brakes two separate the two cars. With both Ox’s ego and the Cambridge’s nose shattered, he starts taken laps a bit more cautiously to avoid further incidents

Two and a half hours on, Ox begins to notice an odd sound coming from the rear “Oh bugger, what the heck is that racket now?” is all he gets to think before he’s interrupted by a loud BANG!
“Oh no. that can’t be good then!” The car feels weird and odd through the remainder of the lap as he limps it back into the pits
“Bad news chaps,” Ox says to the others as he climbs out “I think something may have let go.”
Alyssa tilts her head as she looks at the car “Err, is it just me, or does this thing look a little lopsided?”
Fern begins to pace from side to side, glancing at each side of the Cambridge “Bloody hell, you’re right! What would cause that?” she flops down onto the dirt, looking past the passenger side rear tyre “Oh, I guess that would explain it then. The bloody spring has sheared right in half!”

“Can we fix that?” inquires Alyssa
“Well, certainly,” replies Ox “Provided we can find a new one.” He grabs his phone to search for a replacement as the other two begin to jack up the car to remove the old one. Luck would be on their side, for a local scrapyard has a Wyvern on their lot. Repairs go reasonable smoothly, with only a few blue words and spanners thrown about, but the band loses around 45 minutes on the job. Ox hops back into it and roars out of the pits. He continues his vendetta against the Cambridge’s rear tyres, drifting about the track like a man possessed. Then something completely unexpected happened. Ox’s tail-out antics lead to another contact, this time with Team SCS in their FM. With a chorus of crunching metal and insults, Ox bravely brings the Cambridge back into the pits for the end of his stint

AndiD · 29 October 2022 02:22

Team Oxracers, Ep. 13: Rolling out again

With skidding tyres, the battered Kando comes to a halt slightly outside the Oxracer’s designated pit area, and an angry Corazon jumps out and takes a closer look at the smashed in rear end, joined by Jane.

“What’s the main problem, Corazon?”

“Stuff comes into the cabin. Dust, fumes etc.” He makes some wild gestures. “Everything else is fine.”

“Okay, let me think. Good thing I took that skill point in improvisation.” After a short deliberation, she waves to Michael and Mary to join her next to her Saarland Siegel full of tools and parts.

Meanwhile, Lucas emerges, slightly anxious for his first driving stint. “How was it out there?”, he wants to know from Corazon.

“Tough. Brutal.” Corazon is searching for words to describe the experience. “Like a knife fight at 200 mph!”

Michael must have overheard Corazon’s words from some distance away. “You are barely reaching a hundred, and that only for a short time if you nail that long left hander!”, he shouts back from the Saarland, irritated. Lucas suddenly looks much more relieved after the initial scare.

Corazon continues unfazed. “And there are always new opponents, they never stop appearing.” His expression suddenly brightens. “But if you know what you are doing, they are actually easy to deal with.”

“So like in a beat’em up arcade game?” Lucas wonders.

Before Corazon can reply, Jane and the others return with a large piece of transparent plastic, duct tape and some tools.

“What do you want to do with the… is that plastic wrap from some of your tools packaging?” Lucas wonders.

“Make you a new rear window”, Jane quips and directs Michael and Mary to the opposite sides of the Kando and how they should hold the piece of plastic, as she cuts off large strips of duct tape. “You already get in the car, this won’t take long”, she announces with confidence.

Lucas dutifully obeys while Corazon grabs something to eat and drink.

After a short while, Jane gives Mary the okay sign, and the latter sends Lucas onto the track with an encouraging slap on the Kando’s roof, the new plastic rear window flapping about ever so slightly but staying in place, and largely doing its job.

Lucas pilots the Kando out of the pits and tries to settle into a decent rhythm - which proves to be more difficult than in the practice runs due to the traffic of varying speeds on track - and also due to various mishaps and chain reactions that occur in front of him.

After a few laps, he almost hits the Bricksley as they have to brake hard due to the Union going unexpectedly slow. “Good thing I chose Luck as my special skill”, thinks Lucas. “That was a close ~~roll~~, er, call.”

He continues on undaunted and seems to have a much clearer track in front of him for a while, as many cars dive into the pits for refuelling or short repairs. He slowly tries to get closer and closer to the limit in each corner… until he finally runs out of track, skill and luck and after a couple of uncoordinated yanks on the steering wheel ends up facing the wrong way - at least on the side of the track, out of harms way.

He taps the communication button on the Kando’s dash. “Sorry, folks. Looks like my beginner’s luck has run out.”

“Keep calm and drive on”, Mary says encouragingly. She considers printing that on a t-shirt for Lucas for next time.