Could it be?
Summary
Die Ludolfs
3 Likes
Yes. Too bad I haven’t found anything beyond an English Wikipedia article about them. The rest of the world is truly missing out…
2 Likes
Added a list of claimed starting numbers in post #1
A little less than a week left now! 
1 Like
TRAFIKJOURNALEN WEB
22nd OF SEPTEMBER 2022
After a month of work (well, slow that is), our beige bargain is starting to become race-ready. I mean, what’s needed on such a beast anyway? Some tape on the headlights will hopefully keep them together if the fighting gets too rough. A sawzall and some creative welding made the 60s cast iron pig under the bonnet sing songs of freedom! The brown velour interior bits are in a trash container somewhere, missed by nobody, and replaced by a simple cage and racing seat. Starting numbers, because racecar, and the most beautiful decals the world have ever seen is crowning this beautiful creation.
Get ready to see this on the track, only time will tell if it is a golden nugget or just metallic misery!
3 Likes
…more…
Bubblegum
by Mons Racing backyard garage project
It’s still pink. It’s still angry. It’s still indestructible.
Mons Racing recently acquired a number of broken down barges and decided to tune them up for various rally/derby/clunker races. And so the line of bubblegum barges was born. Bespoke tuned for each race event, these cars are large, heavy, more or less reliable, and ... not entirely slow. Well, they are faster than when they arrived from the scrap yard in any case.
For the 2022 Trafikjurnalen 24h clunker challenge the driving team consists of three lucky winners of the “Mons Bubblegum Raffle”:
Jorgen Halferson, 24, M
Vanessa Gotel, 28, F
Caleb Ryan, 45, M
They all signed the waivers, so Mons Customs cannot be held liable for whatever happens to them. We have no clue how well they can drive. All we know is: their jaw muscles are well trained after all that bubble gum chewing. 
Additionally, two mechanics from the Mons Customs garage will attend the event, just in case the car needs a tune-up or something. Not that we expect anything to go wrong…
Last but not least, our racing number is 13 113. Something something clerical errors, delays, and someone already claimed our number. No worries, we’ll just paint a tiny additional 1 on there.
All right, here we come!
4 Likes
Part 1: In search for a car
Latvia, Rīga, Small apartment, A few hours later
Doorbell rings
Paula: “Can you get it?”
Edvīns: “Sure babe” Walks to the door, looks trough peephole and unlocks door
Jēkabs: “Hey, long time no see!”
E: “Been a while,… true. Come in.”
J: Takes of his coat and shoes “So who had the amazing idea? Was it you?”
E: “Yeah I thought it would be fun and we have always wanted to take part in some kind of race”
J: “Nice that you remembered.”
Both walk to the livingroom
J: Sees Paula “Hi!”
P: Looks up from her PC “Oh, Hi!”
J: Still facing Paula “And you were up for it?”
P: “Yup, you don’t need to ask me twice for a new challenge.”
J: Nods his head “True, sound like you.”
E: “So, since the technical expert is here you have to give your opinion on cars we found.”
J: Looks at both Edvīns and Paula “You have been busy huh?”
P: “Well there isn’t much choice with our budget, and we still need money to get to Sweden and preferably back.”
J: “That’s fair, so hit me with the choice.”
E: “So we have a shortlist of Schwarzburg Aviso, a SAZ Kopeyka and a Gattu…”
Jēkabs interrupts even before Edvīns finishes his sentence
J: “No! Not a Gattusso for cheap, that’s begging for trouble.”
E: “So the SAZ or the Schwarzburg?”
J: “The SAZ is built fairly simple and cheap, like anything from Soviet Union. So it would be easy to work on, but would anybody sit in that rattling toolbox for more than a hour?”
E: “Yeah, fair point, I still want my back in one piece and still being able to hear something”
P: “So it’s the Schwarzburg?”
J: “Looks like it.”
E: “By the way, have you got anybody in mind who would be a mechanic for our crew?”
J: “So I’m not good enough?”
E: “You know it yourself, you barely made trough technical school.”
J: “I still have some basic knowledge! But I might have somebody in mind, some even call that guy a
''prodigy”. " nods to Edvīns phone on the coffee table “So, show me what you found.”
E: “Well, we should call him for more info, there is only one picture in the ad.” finds the saved ad on his phone “Look”
J: “Have you seen the plates?”
E: “No, what’s with them?”
J: “They are German number plates” looks up from phone “Ether it’s not registered here or it’s not the picture of the actual car he is selling.”
P: “I think we should at least call, we don’t have much choices.”
E: “Ok, will call the owner,” looks at Jēkabs “and you call your prodigy, ask if he is up for it.”
J: “On it.”
To be continued…
5 Likes
Team Oxracers, Ep. 5: Rolling up the sleeves (but getting some parts first)
After Jane has finished her closer inspection of the Kando, she drew up a list of parts to get in order to modify the car for the 24h race.
During her inspection, she had been joined by Lucas who had kept asking her car engineering questions. “Can I join you? I’d like to learn more about finding good parts.”
Jane thinks for a second. “Yes, you can maybe help us getting stuff from the top shelves.”
Lucas is momentarily taken aback. “Sure.”
“And you’ll also learn how to conduct shrewd negotiations”, adds Mary while getting into Jane’s trusty Saarland Siegel Pilger. “What are we after?”
Jane has a look at her list. “Main things are a turbo and other engine stuff not to make the thing explode right away. And, of course, a new front suspension to exploit our critical success roll. The narrow track width will make finding something challenging, but my friend has everything - and what he doesn’t have he can get pretty quickly. Oh, and some bodykit parts, perhaps.”
“Where are we going?” wonders Lucas.
"To a friend of mine, Ludo. He operates a junkyard and has the largest collection of car parts you’ve ever seen.“ Jane pauses for a second… “He is a bit special, though.”
"What does that mean?“
“You’ll see", is all Jane says as they turn on to the road.
After a short drive they arrive at a nondescript and a bit rundown brick building.
"That’s it?“ Lucas wonders, as he exits the Saarland.
“What did you expect?" Jane laughs. “A palace? This is a palace to him alright, and the junkyard is behind the building.”
To enter, they have to ring a bell. The door is buzzed open immediately. “I let him know that we’ll come. Otherwise we’d have to wait”, Jane explains.
They make their way through a narrow hallway towards a badly lit room with a counter at the front. The area behind the counter is full of boxes, palettes and assorted car parts.
“That’s quite some stuff.” Lucas is astonished.
“And totally chaotic”, Mary adds.
“That’s nothing. He has tens of thousands of times more in the back." Jane rings the bell on the otherwise empty counter.
After a short while, a man of indeterminable age in a greasy blue overall and long scraggy black hair shuffles into the room.
Mary and Lucas exchange amused looks.
"Hello, Jane. You said - need parts?“ he mumbles.
"Yes!“ Jane is considerably more enthusiastic than Ludo. “Seongu Kando Mk2. We want to take it racing.”
“Kando? Racing? Kidding, right?” Ludo seemed unimpressed.
“No!”, Jane replied in a half-failed attempt maintain her enthusiasm. “That’s what we rolled.”
“Rollin around in, you mean?” Ludo mumbled. “What you need?”
“Small turbo, double wishbone suspension parts, spoilers, and some extra wide 13 inch wheels. Rollcage bits, too, if you have any.”
Ludo pondered things for a second or two. “Model year?”
Jane has to think for a moment as well. “1992.”
“3-door or 5-door?”
“3-door.”
“Some weird stuff for a Kando. Have to have a look. Can take a bit.” Ludo shuffles back through the back door.
Jane’s two friends had watched Ludo’s exchange with Jane and his mannerisms in awe and astonishment. “You don’t want to know how it looks back there”, Jane adds.
“You do know?” Lucas is eager to know more. Meanwhile, Mary can’t help but look through the boxes placed haphazardly on the shelves around the room.
“Yes. Wait, I think I still have a photo from the one time he allowed me back in there.” Jane flips through a number of old photos on her phone. “Found it!”
Lucas stares at the photo with an open mouth. “And he finds stuff… In there? This guy?” Mary joins Lucas after a short while to look at the picture on Jane’s phone.
“Yes. You’ll be amazed. If you noticed, there is no computer here, and there is no computer in the back room either. It’s all in his head.”
Lucas wants to know more. “How many parts does he have in store here? Thousands?”
“Hard to tell, as he can find stuff, but not list a complete inventory. Hundreds of thousands at least, if not millions.”
Lucas shakes is head in disbelief and tries to get a peek into the back room from leaning over the counter, but unsuccessfully.
“There is a small performance intake in one of the boxes - ‘hardly used’, whatever that means”, Mary reports. “Could it fit the Kando? The box says ten horsepower.”
“We take it”, Jane decides after a quick look.
Ludo returns. “I have some wide small wheels. Not the newest, but they should fit, probably. Suspension parts, too, for narrow track width but you have to make them fit.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “I have some old small wastegate turbos, too. But I also have a Kando in the yard. Rear ended. Many things from the front should still be good. Have a look and let me know what you need.”
"Where?“
Ludo closed his eyes for a second. “Third row, second from the right.”
“Thanks, we’ll check it out.”
“Alright, I open the gate, and get some bits out in the meantime so you can build a roll cage.”
The three Oxracers make their way to Ludo’s junkyard…
OOC: Ludo is based on some of these folks (time index gives a glimpse into the storage area): Die Ludolfs - Die Schrottbrüder - SWR Reportage - Teil 1 von 2 - Video .......Oeni - YouTube (unfortunately only in the language of the… well… insert inappropriate ww2 joke here 
)
4 Likes
Mopey - Well it looks an awesome car…wish I could dri-
Spanners - NO!
Mopey - But it was only a littl-
Spanners - NO!
Crackle arrives
Crackle - Erm hey Mopey, Spanners.
Mopey - Hey Crac…WAIT! What do you mean “Mopey”
Crackle - So, the car…I asked a mate to look over it and-
Spanners - Is he a mechanic?
Mopey - “Mopey”?
Crackle - Yeah, he’s lead foreman at FM and-
Spanners - And what did he have to say?
Mopey - Why “Mopey”?
Crackle - He said something along the lines of…“This is a flipping travesty of automotive engineering done rather badly.”
Spanners - He said what?
Crackle - “This is a flipp-”
Spanners - Actual words, please, mate!
Crackle - He said it was a fucking deathtrap and anyone driving it could die!
Mopey - What a shame I can’t drive it…now, about this “Mopey”.
Spanners - HOW bad, exactly?
Snap appears
Snap - You told him yet?
Crackle - Was just about to.
Snap - Just fill up the washer bottle and we’re good to go!
Spanners - What??
Crackle - Front suspension isn’t the OE spec, neither’s the rear but at least that’s bolted ONTO the bodywork with proper bolts…not woodscrews.
Spanners - Is that all?
Crackle - Fuel lines are more akin to a rollercoaster in the way it’s laid out. Tyres are almost Picards. I’ve replaced a hole, he pushed his finger through, with tape and repainted it. Brakes look like they’re off a Model T. Water pump is leaking and the power steering doesn’t look like anything he’s seen before.
Snap - And the turbo’s a bit whiny. Oh hey Mopey!
Spanners - Well, it only has to run for 24 hours…what could possibly go wrong in that time?
Mopey - “MOPEY”???
5 Likes
Team Prognosis Negative
Rollcall
Anna, 18 yrs old, self-pronounced activist that might go into polsci.
- Role: Driver, marketing and social media
- Outgoing, outspoken, does not really understand humor (don’t tell her). She’s a bit oblivious, she changes her cause often, but she’s the de facto leader of the outfit
Johan, 18 yrs old, prepping for higher education in Finance or Law or something else?
- Role: Driver, could maybe handle spreadsheets (who are we kidding here?)
- Young, posh, fearless, likes to party. Money comes from family, never had to work a day in his life.
Anton, 19 yrs old, prepping for higher education in Engineering
- Role: Driver, assistant mechanic
- Reserved, geekier, but still hanging out with the cool guys. Works part time in his father’s garage, comes from a lower class family.
Josef, 35 years old, Anton’s uncle
- Role: Mechanic
- Gruff, no patience for stupidity, has other fry to fish but his brother asked him politely to help Anton - he could not refuse.
Chapter I - Finding a car
Johan
got lEd on a kewl (_!_) car!
orly?
93 regal touring estate (octane tuned!)
based!
fuk yeah!
will let Anna know
...
Anton was excited. They talked about trying out for the Trafikjournalen 24h Clunker race, but his father told him he needed to find his own car. Johan had about 10,000 from his family just lying around and Anna crowdfunded about 3,500 extra, so they had a good budget for this. Evidently, Anton was stuck trying to find a car.
The guy that contacted Anton on marketplace was pretty cool.
Some Guy on Marketplace
Got something that might interest you, pretty rad car, I have it here at my yard.
what is it!?
93 regal touring estate, tuned by octane racing. A real looker.
never heard, can I see?
Might need a bit of work.
how much?
What's your budget?
errr, just tell me how much
I do not have time to waste for a nobody with no money. Bye.
13,500! that's how much we got!!
Hmmmm... lemme think.
Now Anton was excited, he agreed to meet him and get to see the car, he was to meet Johan and Anna at the scrap yard.
He guessed that at that price, it might need a bit of work, but he already talked to his father and his uncle Josef will help get the car in shape for the race.
Anton joined Anna and Johan a bit late, they were already talking with the guys - a early 20 mechanic looking guy with a cap and a smoke.
Johan - “Man we’re excited Anton! He’s telling us all about the car…”
Anna - “It has a 3.5L 250 hp turbo with AWD, racing tuned and sports suspension, it was tuned by Régal’s racing outfit Octane.”
Marketplace Guy - “It’s the bomb. As I said, there is a bit of work that needs to go in it…”
They followed the guy inside.
Marketplace Guy - “You got the money right? I have 5 other people coming in later - you sneeze and you lose it. Not here to waste time.”
Anton - “No sir.”
A bit of uneasy silence settled in. They each felt pressure but it was too awkward to tallk about it here.
The guy opened the door and the stepped in the bay to unveil this beauty…
The big reveal
The trio was stunned. If we could read their minds, they would have said in unison “WHAT A PIECE OF CRAP!”
But no one was a psychic and they all stood there, awkwardly.
Marketplace Guy - “So for 13,500 I can get it delivered to you. I would check the direction before driving it. Should be structurally sound. It’s a bargain, a mint copy would be around 100,000!! This one is even race ready, all but the driver’s seats were removed.”
It was not a mint copy tho, but looked cool… (really??) Badges were missing, some seemed to have been moved or replace with stickers, I guess it could happen said Anton to himself.
They all looked at each other, but no one blinked or said “Hell no! we’re not taking that piece of shit.”.
Johan - “So, err, venmo’s ok right?”
Marketplace Guy - “Sure, just tell me where you want me to drop it.”
A long pause, Anton and Anna tried to smile to each other to appear excited, but both were panicking inside.
Johan - “Ok, so, money was sent, you, err, got it?”
Marketplace Guy - “Sure did!! The key cylinder is broken, but here, take this metal stick, it fits in and you can force it to turn to start the car. Nice doing business with ya.”
The guy fakes a call and got out of there.
The trio was standing there in silence.
Anton - “Well we got a car for clunker, I guess” he mumbled that last part
Johan - “Yeah, one more check on the list, right?”
Anna - “We bought a piece of shit right? And we gave him all our money?”
Johan - “When you put it that way… why didn’t you stop me!?”
As the voices raised, a full blown argument erupted and lasted all the way back home. Anton was to ask his uncle to come check the car and assess the damage, and if it could run in time for the race.
Ahh, to be young and careless.
At least they had a car for the 24h Clunker…
'93 Régal Touring (Octane Edition)
- 3.5L Inline 6 Turbo with 350 hp
- All-Wheel Drive with sports suspension
- Full aluminum panels and lighweight chassis
- Alloy sports wheels
- 6 speed manual transmission with torque sensing diff
to be continued…
3 Likes
Just a reminder: A little over 3 days left now.
1 Like
Team Oxracers, Ep. 6: One Kando’s trash is another Kando’s treasure?
Jane, Mary and Lucas make their way into Ludo’s junkyard where lots of abandoned cars sit, all waiting for Ludo to take the good bits out and add to his massive inventory.
They find the red crashed Kando without a problem, close to the main storage building.
They all take a good look around the car. “It looks like one of the SXes, turbocharged”, Jane comments surprised.
“Obviously.” Mary points at the big TURBO decal on the front doors.
Jane continues. “They are quite rare, I think. But good news for us, as there is a lower front lip added to the front bumper.”
“There seems to another part inside, a plasticky bit”, Lucas points out.
Jane takes a peek through the half-shattered glass. “Looks like the rear spoiler. Must have fallen right off during the rear impact, and someone helpfully put it inside. Together with the intact front bumper, that makes a complete aero kit.”
“Do you think Seongu actually took it into a wind farm? Or is it just decoration?”
“Wind tunnel”, Jane corrects. “Either way, it’s the best we can get.”
“Maybe the crash impact made it more aerodynamic?” Mary suggests.
Jane shrugs. “I’ll bolt these on to our Kando and then we’ll see what happens.” She starts to unscrew the front bumper while Lucas opens the door with quite some force and reaches into the car to take the rear spoiler out, careful not to touch any of the shattered glass.
Jane hands the scavenged front bumper to Lucas who has to balance the two quite unwieldy plastic parts. Mary just stands nearby and watches them both.
Afterwards, Jane dives into the engine bay. “Yes, same base engine as ours, but with a turbo. So we don’t need Ludo’s turbos from storage.” She extracts the outwardly undamaged turbo and fuel injection units. “This looks actually quite pristine in there”, she comments. “I think I grab the alternator as well, looks much better than the one in our Kando. What’s the mileage on this?”
Mary peeks through the driver window. “55000 miles. Not that much.”
“This looks a bit like being back from a recent big service where a couple of parts were replaced”, Jane wonders. “The mileage roughly aligns with the common service intervals. Let me check something.” She places the alternator on the a dry patch of mud in the yard and squats down to inspect the Kando’s wheels.
“Almost fresh brakes, from what I can see. The SX had vented discs all the way round, unlike the example we have back home. Hope the rear ones are still ok. Help me get the wheels off really quick”, she directs Mary.
Lucas is still standing there with the front bumper and the rear spoiler on his two hands. “Fresh brakes have not helped them that much”, he comments.
Jane shrugs. “Or braked too well. They only got rear ended, the front is intact, after all.” Lucas is too stunned to react verbally.
After a short while, the Kando in the yard has lost all four wheels and brakes. Jane balances the detached wheels against the Kando’s side. With Mary’s help, they carry the rest of the salvaged parts back to Ludo.
“Quite a haul”, Ludo comments on their re-appearance while pointing to the counter, now filled with suspension parts, a limited slip differential with visible signs of wear, and a number of metal tubes and bars for their roll cage. “You still have your Saarland wagon?”
Jane nods.
“Alright, I’ll deliver the tyres later today. You should be able to fit the rest.”
"Thank you so much, Ludo! How much for everything?“
He starts to scribble numbers on a dirty sheet of paper.
“Before you say us the final amount…” Mary begins. Ludo looks up. She continues. “As Jane said earlier, we are going to take part in a race. Quite a long one actually. 24 hours straight.”
“Yes?”
“We can add your website to our car if you like. Think of it as sponsorship.”
Ludo thinks for a few seconds, then continues scribbling. When he is finished with writing numbers, he crosses out the top five positions on the paper and adds the rest up. “That’s then two hundred pounds. Send me pictures of your car with my website on it, will ya?”
When getting out the cash, Jane tries to hide that she brought a considerably larger amount of bills. As soon as Ludo has received the money, he vanishes back into his storage area.
As they left with their first part of their haul, Lucas noticed something. "We did tell him the race is in Sweden? So that the sponsorship might not be that valuable to him…?
“No, we didn’t”, Mary explains with suppressed amusement. “He didn’t ask either.”
After a short period of surprise, Jane beams proudly at Mary.
It takes a while for them, but they indeed manage to fit all the parts into the large Saarland station wagon while still leaving some room for themselves.
Having arrived back home, they unload the Saarland together, and then Jane goes to work modifying their Kando. Lucas meanwhile starts to lay out the parts for their future roll cage. Mary scurries off for an important phone call she has to make. A short while later, Ludo’s truck arrives and delivers the other promised parts.
1 Like
Team Mravolinski-Chitco
Prologue: End of beggining
Details? There are some.
Team was hard at work preparing platform for car, some members working harder than others.
Mood was high, food was plentiful and some stores are once again visited to resuply if needed.
Platform got walls and first test run was done, at blazing speed of 10 kmph.
Gromadon understandably wasnt fully happy with fact that this space is tight and dark and depending on cameras and screens to move wasnt particularly pleasant either: He underestimated just how big this difference actually is.
Practice makes perfect and there was fair bit of time he could practice to move before actual showtime.
There would be some fair share of planning involved in terms of Holjesbanan itself, which involved very careful research spanning few minutes.
Happily, they realised that their platform can be parked absolutely anywhere and Gromadon wouldnt need to worry about his…liquid waste atleast.
Quite a bit of food was obtained, along with two small swimming pools that totally arent going to be used for something else
INTEX Sunset Glow Inflatable Kiddie Pool - 45" x 10"
Each pool can hold 130 liters of water conservatively, which makes them quite adept at new roles, but bcos they also happen to be quite demanding in terms of space…ye, packing both of them in platform at same time is all but impossible.
Unless…lets revise this thing…by adding more material at front and beggining of the side
Walls got cut, reshaped, rewelded and now they have some more material.
Test runs had proven to be successful and they are now ready for their purpose…or atleast would be ready when time comes.
Car starts and runs and as such was deemed ready for its could-be-last drive.
Some proper ramp was foregone, as Aydar is more than strong enough to lift car into its part of platform.
This applied to supplies that were packed before the car, which by itself was packed with stuff as well and would be unpacked before being sent to track.
This song is title for part below
And so everyone packed and prepared themselves for this journey.
Gromadon had lot of training beforehand and as such, he was prepared to tackle the highways leading close to destination. It was decided to casually observe speed of everyone else and kinda adjust to that.
Overtakes were done very quickly, prob even too quickly knowing how much mass is here at play.
It was definitely not neck-breaking pick up of pace, but it felt powerful from perspective of ones not touching the tarmac.
It felt like there is relentless reserve that can be released, it felt that this…far from limits
Highways seemed nice bcos they were nice but at some point they will be left behind.
Pace got slower and Gromadon needed to be much more careful now that there are many other traffic participants, some of which arrive from opposite direction while being one tiny line away.
Now its really end of beggining
Group had arrived with enough time to do their stuff.
Aydar was unloaded first and car was pushed towards him so he can grab it.
He decided to joke a little and so he decided to direct front end of car…straight into rear end of his dad.
Growl of dissapproval could have been heard, Aydar settled car on solid ground and unpacking continued.
Gromadon got swimming pools which were both filled with different stuff.
“We dont want to worry about refilling your stuff, so you get it immideately.” said him as he emptied bag after bag after bag of dog food into one of them.
Aydar was carrying the barrel to fill other pool, this time with stuff its supposed to hold.
Gromadon took sweet revenge by “showering” him, which meant he was soaking wet and smelled like he was pissed on (he was).
Klimentol closed rear end of platform, so Gromadon became hidden from rest, with his role being eating, drinking and sleeping under cover.
Mat would excitedly meet hosts as soon as they appear and so he was given the role of registering the team.
If there was something that might be needed very soon, it was in car that now positioned itself in pit lane, to be prepped for race.
Dogs decided to see if there is someone they might know, leaving Quint and Omega with car.
As you may correctly guess, some ppl not being on track should be mentioned as they were informed of race happening and decided to follow it:
Little girl dogs met in supermarket?
You bet she reserved TV for watching the race.
Besides our team, she will likely be interested in team where Shift Happens, due to it having animal-like individuals.
Manager from that same supermarket had also decided to follow this year’s race as well.
“They really werent joking about it…” he borked to himself
Mat’s colleagues had decided to follow his dream coming true as well, his father and their boss included.
They will be following race from either their homes or while on job, ofc latter applying they dont have much of work at that point.
3 Likes
Team Oxracers, Ep. 7: Ready for the rollout
“Why aren’t we allowed in the garage?” Corazon demands to know angrily. He stands, hands on his hips, together with the rest of the Oxracers (sans Jane) in front of the internal door to Jane’s garage where she has been at work for the last couple of hours. A wide variety of strange noises could be heard at times.
“Because Jane is ‘working her magic’ and outsiders are off limits.” It’s hard to tell whether Mary is serious or not, and if not, what the extent of her sarcasm is.
“I feel like I am losing a learning opportunity.” Lucas sounds a bit sad.
“As long as this thing is fast afterwards, I don’t care”, mumbles Michael.
Suddenly, the inner door to the garage opens and bangs against the wall. "Did someone say ‘fast’?“ Jane appears in the opening.
“Yes.” Michael is unfazed.
“Not quite yet, but getting there. We first all need to get to our destination, do we?”
She makes room for the others to enter the garage to and look at the modifications.
“What… what did you do to the wheel wells?” Michael is flabbergasted.
“Well, remember our ‘unrealistic choice’ due to the critical success on wheels?” asks Jane.
“Yes.”
“Well, Ludo brought some well-used and hardened 225/50 R13 wheels, wherever he had taken them off from. I had to make them fit somehow over the stock 145/75 R13s our base Kando had. Even the ‘sporty’ SX version only had 165/70s. The additional profile has to go somewhere, so I had to cut off some parts of the wheel wells.”
“What else is new?” asks Corazon while Michael is still processing the information (and the sight).
“Front suspension is now makeshift double wishbone - the changed geometry didn’t help either in making the wheels fit”, Jane explains with a side-glance to Michael as she slowly lowers the Kando from the hoist. “All four brakes from the crashed SX do fit and look okay. Suspension is lowered, the engine has now a turbocharger and a few new other bits, oh, and the ‘aero front bumper’ and spoiler we took from the SX are now bolted on. We still need to fine-tune the engine and suspension after I had a chance to see how it runs.”
“Let’s get it out of here then.” Michael has regained his speech. “How about the interior by the way? We can surely save some weight there.”
“Well… we are going to need that at least for a while.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, we need to get us, our luggage, my tools and spare parts to the track in Sweden, right?”
“Yes, but why not have us travel in your Saarland and split the parts between it and the Kando - which then only needs an intact drivers seat?”
“Two words: Load capacity. Even if stuff would fit into the Kando, the rear suspension wouldn’t like that too much. Or rather, the underfloor.”
“So you plan to finish the interior work at the track?”
“Exactly. In essence, the heavy stuff goes into the Saarland, and people go into the Kando. Plus some of the lighter stuff, as far as the race-tuned rear suspension allows with four people on board.”
Michael looks far from being the happiest person in the world.
“Okay”, Corazon orders. “Then we go in by height. The two tallest in front, that’s Lucas and me, the other two into the rear.”
Michael steps forward. “Hang on, I am taller than you.”
“No, you are not. Do you want to roll on this?”
“Or we can solve this with science!” Jane approaches the two with a measuring tape.
“I think I can make life a bit easier for you”, Mary announces. She takes a few steps to the side, holds her arms over the head, and begins to shrink slowly in on herself… until she has transformed into a tabby house cat.
Mary-as-cat did not waste any time making herself comfortable underneath the Kando
“WHAT? WHAT IS THIS?” Corazon shouts. Michael and Lucas take both a step back.
Jane explains coolly. “If you had read the rules, guys, you would know that we could take one of our abilities from… elsewhere into here. I didn’t take any, though, because that’s better for the health and wellbeing of our competition…”
“I never read the rules”, Michael sheepishly admits. “And I thought this is about cars, not cats…”
“There were rules?” Corazon is still outraged but now for a different reason.
“I chose an ability from another setting. Wanna hear?” Lucas grabs a lute out of nowhere and starts. “The Vengab…” - but is interrupted when Michael and Corazon simultaneously attempt to strangle him. “Okay, okay…”, he admits defeat and puts the lute away again.
It is difficult to read the face of a cat, but one could almost think that Mary-as-cat is smiling smugly as she jumps through an open window on the Kando’s parcel shelf which Jane has helpfully left intact (for now), leaving the entire rear bench for Corazon to squeeze his frame into for their eventual journey to Sweden.
2 Likes
FINAL REMINDER
A little more than 24 h (no pun intended) left and I have the following subs:
Car but no team presentation
@SheikhMansour
Team presentation but no car
@AndiD
Complete submissions
@karhgath
@cake_ape
@Rudzis
@TheYugo45GV
@Jaimz68
@Maverick74
@Fayeding_Spray
@MrdjaNikolen
@interior
@Madrias
Shout if you feel like if you’re missing in one list or both… 
5 Likes
Team Oxracers, Ep. 8: Rolling up to the race venue
Upon entering the Höljesbanan venue, the Oxracer team heads straight to their assigned space which is next to a high wooden fence and a big rock. They park their cars, and the first to jump out of the Kando’s passenger seat is Corazon.
He stands there in a victory pose and shouts: “Hello everyone, my name is Corazon de Carrera and I race to win!”
Michael is next, exiting from the driver’s seat. “My name is Michael Egbert, and I race to the finish first.” His presentation is much more subdued.
Lucas, meanwhile, has extracted his lanky frame from the Kando’s rear passenger area. “I am Lucas Dobberstonehaugh and I race to learn”, he states earnestly.
Jane has also left her Saarland Siegel Pilger parked next to the Kando. “My name is Jane Warlock and I build stuff to race”, she announces, while beaming proudly at the Kando.
Mary, meanwhile, has jumped out the Saarland as well and used the large car to shield her transformation back from a cat to a human from everyone else. She steps forward. “I am Mary Small and I get stuff for racers… and Jane.”
“Everything alright with the Kando?” is the first thing Jane wants to know. “That were a couple of hours of driving since Oslo.”
Michael answers. “Everything was fine.”
First, Jane gives him a thumbs up, but then approaches the Kando and places her ear on the bonnet with a worrying expression.
Mary and Lucas exchange amused glances.
“Thought I heard an unusual engine ticking noise for a second. But seems to be just the cooldown.”
“Wonder why they placed us next to this big rock”, Mary muses.
“Can actually come in handy, if I need to work underneath the car”, Jane replies.
Corazon wants to know “Is everyone else as hungry as me?” and he earns a series of nods from the others.
While the others go grab something to eat, Mary stays behind and manages to extract a number of stickers of varying sizes from the Saarland Siegel Pilger’s large trunk and starts placing them onto the Kando. When the others return, she proudly presents the results to the others.
“Better not to open the driver door when kids are around”, she comments wryly.
They make their way around to the other side.
“Hm?” Michael doesn’t get the joke on the right side sponsorship decal on his first glance. “Oh…”, is all he says after a few seconds with a side glance at Mary, currently in her human form.
“Look, we even got something special for Lucas.” Jane points to the L decal applied to the rear window.
“Very funny”, he comments dryly. He doesn’t even comment on the radical shortening of his last name on the driver name decal.
“I hate to point out the obvious, but why does one side read 41 and the other 47?” wonders Corazon.
Mary has to look twice to confirm, then she starts heartfelt laughter. “That must be the printers. I guess they made a mistake printing 47 instead of the 41 in the Outside Xtra colour, made another print run, and in the end included a correct print and a wrong one. I didn’t check for that, obviously.”
“Did you pick the cheapest printshop again?”
“Of course. Who else? Besides, we still had credit from the error they made the last time.”
They quickly wolf down their fast food meal, sitting on the large rock nearby.
“And now for the best part”, Jane announces gleefully. “Better stand back a safe distance.”
The others comply and watch Jane gutting the Kando’s interior with gusto while exchanging some slightly concerned expressions.
2 Likes
Team Bubblegum Prologue
The car as it was found in the junkyard. No, this “pre-restoration” photo is not shared with Jorgen, Vanessa, and Caleb…
What were we thinking - went though just about every Mons employees’ head. Whose bright idea was it to take a dilapidated rust-bucket, fix it up (read: give it a paint job - apropos, why didn’t Mons Customs do this anyway??), and enter it into a 24 hour race with some random raffle winners as drivers? There’s gotta be some liability issues with this. At the very least, the optics will be horrendous if something goes wrong. Sigh, but what could go wrong!? The car has an internal fuel tank, a full roll cage… and it’s just a beast. Nope, nothing can go wrong… but just in case, we’ll include some guidelines for the drivers…
Dear Jorgen, Vanessa, and Caleb,
Mons Racing would like to congratulate you on being the winners of our raffle - you get to pilot the Bubblegum in the 24 hour clunker challenge! The word clunker sounds bad, but just look at it - how shiny and pink it is! We’re confident that you’ll do just fine. To maximize your chances at a finish, here are some guidelines about how to drive the car. And don’t worry, our mechanics are always there with you to help if needed!
- Don’t worry about pushing the engine and the tires, they certainly can take a beating!
- Please don’t do too many jumps, and if you run over a kerb, try to hit it with the front tires only. Spare the rear end…
- Before getting in, please make sure to have your tetanus shots up to date.
- Oh, and plan your braking well ahead of taking action. Alternatively, using the ass of the car in front to slow down is also acceptable.
- We’ve made sure that all lights are functional, so you should have an easier time at night.
Once again, good luck, and may God have mercy on your souls.
Mons Racing
2 Likes
And in the Red Corner…
Team Septic Tank (If you get, you get it).
Comprised of the failures from 2021’s 24 hour, Harald, Olaf and Andreas. And, their car “Sir Ender”. A 1997 Sandhurst Alverstone GLX Sedan. It has… problems. We don’t like to talk about them in public.
Ollie: Ummm…
Harald: Ummm…
Andreas: Ummm? What “Ummm”? Trust me.
Ollie: What IS that?
Andreas: A car. I thought that was obvious. See, doors, wheels, other stuff.
Harald: (walks around car) That’s a clunker.
Andreas: Why, yes. Yes, it is. So… you know what we’re doing?
Ollie: What on earth is an “Alverstone”?
Andreas: It was built by Sandhurst, over in the U.S.A. They sent a bunch over here, hoping to get market share. A bit too primitive for us, so they failed. An iron block 3-litre 6 cylinder, single cam. 128 KiloWatts.
Harald: Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Why does it look like that?
Andreas: Beacuse it’s a clunker…duh! Stickers equals go fast. It is known, Khaleesi.
Harald: Don’t. It was a costume party. Where did you get it?
Andreas: Some learner driver decided it wasn’t worth keeping, I guess.
Ollie: Can we dress it up? Imagine! A wing! No. Two wings! THREE wings!
The brothers do stuff to the car. shudders
Andreas: It’s ALIVE! IT’S ALIIIIVE!!!
Ollie: Wings.
Andreas: If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear!
Harald: No. You won’t. Not in that. And stop.
Andreas: Satan had his companions, fellow-devils, to admire and encourage him; but I am solitary and abhorred.
Harald: sighs Finished? You are not Victor Frankenstein.
2 Likes
Introducing Team Shine Quartz
Driving a 1988 Przenopewien built by Huta Przewóz Białystok in Poland! A cheap family car!
1 Like
THE SPY KIDS
The Spy Kids are back! This time, they’re in Sweden for a 24 hour race, so no portals needed this time. Also, there’s no KGB-mobile this time, but they’re keeping the team name anyway. Participating in an endurance race is labour intensive because of all the refueling and constant repairs, so Shay’s brought some friends. However, like Shay, they’re all teenage girls. Lazar’s also brought a friend, in case something heavy needs to be lifted.
The Drivers
Jessica Lombaerts
Age: 19 (?)
Appearance: 170cm tall, dirty blonde/brunette hair, dresses exclusively for the beach, skate park, or nightclub.
Description: Half-Dutch, half mad. Her main job is to drive fast, and her car collection reflects that. Her other job is to smoke enough weed to asphyxiate an entire country, and as a result half of the colour and texture in her hair is actually hashish. Is also a hip hop dancer.
Vehicles: BMW M3 (E92), Suzuki Hayabusa, Ford Bronco, Pagani Zonda
Shay Hirvonen
Age: 17
Appearance: 160cm, blonde hair, wears cottage-core outfits, winter sweaters, or androgynous clothes.
Description: Soft and cuddly on the outside, sharp and devious on the inside. Is better with her hands than anyone else on the team, and probably anyone else this side of the Olympics. When she’s not in soft-core mode, she will step on you, and you will like it. Can also shoot better than Alexis despite not being a committed militant.
Cars: Jaguar E-Type, Mercedes-Maybach S650 (with upgrades), VW Kombi (with upgrades), Pagani Zonda
Lazar Kandyba
Age: 24
Appearance: 167cm, black hair, black beard, 80% normal clothes, 20% Soviet wear and Slav Squat tracksuits.
Description: Ukrainian, Khrushchevist, anti Stalin, anti modern Russia. Much vodka consumption, almost as much sunflower seed consumption. Switched from tobacco to cannabis to alleviate lung problems actually caused by living in Donetsk. Can haggle his way out of a Rolls-Royce dealership. Knows Krav Maga, Muay Thai, and AK47.
Cars (all upgraded): Lada Niva, Nissan Stagea, Mitsubishi Evo VIII
Chief Strategist
Alexis Ahaual
Age: 23
Appearance: 155cm, black hair with highlights of varying colours, guerilla uniforms or traditional Mayan or Oto-Manguean dress.
Description: They/them. Fervent Zapatista, even more fervent drum and bass enthusiast. Can speak nine languages, of which five are only spoken in Mexico and Guatemala. Learnt French solely to learn L’Internationale; learnt Russian solely to learn the Soviet anthem. Also an accomplished weed smoker, but prefers mate de coca.
Vehicles: Toyota Landcruiser, Toyota Hilux, KTM 500 EXC
Shay’s Teenage Pit Crew
Laura Kamenev
Age: 18
Appearance: 163cm, dark brown hair, dress like an architect
Description: The bad cop to Shay’s good cop.
Megumi Tetsuya
Age: 16
Appearance: 155cm, Japanese-Canadian, sometimes looks like a painter, sometimes like a fashionista, always like she should be in Paris.
Description: What you see is largely what you get. Basically the one normal person in Spy Kids garage. Pretty much used the car as an art canvas.*
Amanecer Garcia
Age: 16
Appearance: 165cm, black hair, underground punk chic or Mexican dresses
Description: Alexis’s cousin. Much stronger than she looks. Knows jiu jitsu, and can throw a punch and parkour over the resulting keeled over opponent. Not as communist as her cousin, and only speaks three languages instead of nine.
Petra Gallagher
Age: 16
Appearance: 155cm, blonde, half cottagecore, half band shirts
Description: You think Jessica’s mad? Petra is the closest thing you will find to a mad scientist this side of an interdimensional portal. She is a pyromaniac, complete with a collection of explosives and various other flammable items, and once blew up several rooms of her school. As such, she is on several lists. She also has an entire room dedicated to Minecraft merchandise, and can shoot a target as well as Shay.
Lazar’s Muscle
Giorgi Ingorokva
Age: 22
Appearance: 190cm, green hair, boiler suits or designer fashion
Description: Amateur rugby player, professional flaming homosexual.
*The quality of art on the car as shown is in no way reflective of Megumi’s art skill; if I was any good at drawing, painting, or 3D work, the car wouldn’t simply have a bunch of stickers slapped on it.
The car
3 Likes
TEAM POSTGRADUATE PSYCHOSIS - Chapter 0.1: Intro
This local Swedish team consists of three automotive hobbyists. All are graduate college students with part-time or research positions, and all seek to make their life even more unnecessarily stressful by dedicating their sparse free time to project car tinkering.
The Drivers
Gunther Gnista
Age: 24
Height: 6’1"
BS in: Mechanical Engineering
Daily: 2001 TVR Cerbera 4.5
The self-appointed team leader. Why? Because he’s the guy with the garage at his disposal and the cool TVR. Julia’s boyfriend. Loud but not dumb, rich kid but not sociopathic. Drinks too much to keep a secret. Rebuilt the engine for the 24h entry.
Julia Ansell
Age: 24
Height: 5’3"
BS in: Mechanical Engineering
Daily: 2008 Ford Focus
Project: 1991 Arlington Foxhound 43GS that she strapped a blower onto
The group’s Ameriphile and parts sourcing whiz. A kind person at heart, but outwardly disagreeable. Gunther’s girlfriend. Sourced the car and most of the parts for the 24h entry.
Ulf Joergensen
Age: 24
Height: 6’2"
BS in: Computer Science
Daily: 2005 Mercedes C230K Sports Coupe
Project: 1992 BMW M5
The group’s nerd (not as a derogatory: he is genuinely the smartest of the trio and holds a research job, and still manages to not be maidenless) and ardent EuroSport proponent. Loves his German stuff. His connections allow him access to a dyno shop.
A week before the race, at the dyno
Ulf: I still cannot imagine why you’d waste all that effort polishing a turd. American economy engines cannot be turned into racing machines!
Julia: Can you quit your whining? The upgrades are one thing, but we got the engine and the whole car basically for free.
Gunther: That reminds me… What kind of idjit did you get that thing from? 'Fore I got to work, it was all but dead. Oil musta been a decade old.
Julia: scoffs The ‘idjit’ in question is my younger brother. He… Doesn’t do cars, more of a TikTok dancer kinda guy. It was bad when he got it and he just about ran it into the ground.
Ulf: Hold on, so you’re telling me that not only does our Clunker entry have a Callahan engine, but it’s actually a Callahan? You could have at least bought a trashed MR2 to put this thing into, or something! I just know it’s gonna be some plasticky crap.
Gunther: Quit whinin’ and keep tunin’, nerd! I didn’t finagle an over-20-mm stroker kit in there for nothing! Speaking of, where’d you get THAT?
Julia: America. When you’re buying forged, an eBay shipping fee is really of no object.
Having completed a map he believes to be satisfatory, Ulf starts the engine and runs the test
Ulf: And you coulda warned me you stroked it while keeping the heads stock! The piece of shit was knocking all over the place earlier today, like it’s got 12 to 1 compression or something!
Gunther: Yeah, that one’s on me. 12 is probably a fair guess. The real bitch - one that I had to do myself for once - was finding and fitting a good VVT stopper. So yeah, cam phaser’s still on and saving gas, baby!
Ulf: Well, I’ll be damned. This thing does have something going for it.
*The friend group gathers round the screen. The figures are more than respectable: This 3.1-liter, formerly economy, almost-scrap pushrod V6 is making 217 brake horsepower.
Later that day, in Gunther’s Garage
Ulf: A Carver? Really? You took a trashed Carver and stuck duct tape all around it? And what are those wheels?
Julia: Don’t knock it, it’s got proper independent suspension! And it isn’t even wallowy now that we got better springs for it. And the wheels are actually a nice touch… I pulled’em off a Volvo that came into the local scrapyard. They’re, what, half an inch wider than the stock ones on here, and…
Gunther: Just don’t tell him what those tires are…
…
Ulf: They’re balding, no-name linglongs, aren’t they?
Julia: Gunther, you prick! Now he won’t shut up about safety or some other statistical shit he’s into.
Gunther: Knock it off, you. I’m honestly more worried about what this race will do to my sleep schedule.
Ulf: At least you have one…
Chapter 0.1 End
3 Likes