Part 3: The Nilferts being the Nilferts…
*in cooperation with @Elizipeazie, @Knugcab (Team Trafikjournalen), @nicxv (Speed Freaks), @Madrias (Highway Hooligans) and @Angelustyle (YEAR)
Chanty spotted Angel, and ran towards him from behind, and made a weird jump-hug - and Angel, being as small as Chanty but much lighter, had no chance and fell to the ground
“AH! HELP”
“Oh… sorry… I was just so excited”
“Oh, it`s you? It´s fine.”
Both celebrated their reunification with an intense hug, and Thomas and Jan smiled a bit, because Chanty seems a lot better than at Shitbox Rallye, mainly because this isn´t so far away, she can keep contact with her mother, and also she isn´t so long away from home.
“We follow them?”
“No, Jan… let her focus on the Firu… eeh,…”
“Y.E.A.R.”
“Yes, that Yumotomomoto…eh, unspellable thing. We are already invited at the Hooligans.”
“Thomas, you invited yourself because they have beer.”
“I AM INVITED. It doesn´t matter by whom. Follow me. I don´t think you`ll have fun if you always do your own thing like in Holsia, so give me company. We must make use of the fact that Chantal is able to get along with herself at the moment, and let her be free of supervision. OH, what is that? An ARVA Kondor!”
“Why do old people ask questions just to answer them then in the same sentence? This is so weird!”
“Jan… get yourself a beer to ease up, I will follow soon, I just want to take a look at that Arva.”
Thomas stepped to the car, pushed against the roof to see how worn the shock absorbers are, kicked against the tire wall to check the pressure, and other typical moves of an old mechanic, which the Team Trafikjournalen of course noticed.
Erik Carlén looked over at the tire kicking german geezer.
“You’re interested in buying this piece of shit? Give me the contents of a beach ball and it is yours. You can keep the actual beach ball, just give me the air…”
“Stop that bullshit”,
Hansen replied.
“It is good as new…almost.”
“If something is as good as a new ARVA Kondor it will never even be close to good”
, was the cynical answer Carlén gave Hansen.
“Hm, if I didn´t have like 50 cars in my yard, it would be tempting, but I guess not much of it will be left by the end of the race”
“Does it look like if there is much left of it now?”,
Carlén answered.
“What is even tempting with this one?”.
“Eh. Some small adjustment and it will be fine for 24 hours. But I am actually leaning towards agreeing with our potential buyer.”
, Hansen said with a sigh.
“I know these cars, weren´t they introduced in the early 80s?”
“Hmm, yes, 1982”
, Carlén said.
“At least it was said so officially, who knows if the first year models were some kind of Potemkin cars made out of fiberboard or something”
, Hansen laughed.
“This is a 1989, last year before the first facelift”
, Hansen continued.
“I used to run away from those in 1982 when they were painted black, and I can confirm they were crappy, since… one lost its rear axle when chasing me over a sidewalk.”
Carlén and Hansen went quiet at the same time. Hearing the german accent of the guy, and…
“I…understand”
, Carlén said quietly.
“I…very much understand”
, Hansen answered.
“Uh…yes. And…I guess if our third member was here…he would not get the reference.”
, Carlén stuttered with his speech.
“Nah. Probably not.”
“Now that the threat is gone, I have lost my hate against them. Funny, I was afraid to sit in them before but now that I can sit in the backseat without fear, they were stripped out. Bad luck, haha!”
“It smelled like manure anyway”
, Hansen said.
“The backseat of my police cruiser was full of… bulletholes, blood, sweat, urine …and donut crumbles…”
“Ah. You’re the one that brought the Globus in here?”
, Carlén asked.
“Bet it will be like driving an oil tanker through a creek. Not that this behemoth is much better…”
“Well, my son-in-law almost died last year in a compact car, and… my daughter would be heartbroken if that happened this year for real, so I wanted to play it safe there. The Grand Cruiser is really able to take some beating, but yes, it really doesn´t want to turn, and it´s not as fast in a straight as it should be, but that was the only one in the shitbox budget. I hate cheating, so I didn´t invest a lot in spare parts.”
“Ah. That blue thing that got…flat?”
, Hansen asked.
“Well, it was a bit over the top last year one must say. Some cars less this year so should be a bit more space on the track, but…that exocage shitbox…nah, I am not sure what to think about that I guess. Have you seen it?”
“No, it was green, my daughter called it Kermit… her new car is blue, it´s called Sonic, like the SEGA hedgehog. Well, she misses kermit and even tatooed the VIN on herself… and the Corsa, well, these things are quite tough mechanically. I am just not sure if that exocage will be backfiring if its bent against the ground or such, and it can also be quite dangerous if it breaks… I don´t want to be impaled. Is that even within the rules?”
“Ah. For some weird reason I remember green things as blue, and vice versa, sometimes”
, Hansen said.
“Probably your head took some hit in some previous 24h race”
, Carlén told him,
“The same hit that made you buy this rolling shitshow”.
“Within the rules and within the rules”
, Hansen said.
“To me it feels like an abuse of the old saying that what’s not outright banned will technically be allowed”.
“So, your car looks like you need a lot of beer to make it look roadworthy, so, you have some in spare? I am running a bit low on fuel there… I mean, I have a blue-haired daughter, I guess I don´t need to explain why my beers are draining as if your Kondor engine uses it…”
“Nope, no luck here”
, Hansen said.
“And if I spot any drunk driving I will make sure that the punishment is to have the butt sewn together with the drivers seat in a beige 1994 Mara Zora”
, Hansen answered with more than a grain of salt.
“Oh, don´t worry, I won´t drive soon, so I use the opportunity… anyway, I guess the Hooligans are a good fuel station then. It was nice to have a chatter with you, good luck then and, most important, no serious accidents.”
“That freakshow is good for anything you have no use for in a race, I guess. Have fun!”
, Carlén answered.
Thomas gave all three a polite handshake, and headed to the Hooligans.
“THOMAS, YOU LEAKING WHISKY BARREL!”
“Ah, Trevor, the weird drunkard. You look as shit as ever!”
“Yes, on purpose! I don´t want you to feel shit when standing next to me with that ugly ass face. Join us, we have…”
“Beer! Two please!.. eh, DON´T GIVE IT JAN! I WANTED BOTH. I need a counterbalance at the other side.”
“At your age, I might suggest a walker to keep balance.”
“Guys, why do have old men always have to insult each other?”
“Oh, if you call that already insulting… you shouldn´t be around when I am insulting for real”
answered Cody, but with a warm laughter.
“Where is your fa…, eeeh… fluffy daughter?”
“With the… eh… Yumototo… eh…”
“I see, the Firu…”
“NO, TREVOR! JUST SAY YEAR LIKE ALL SANE PEOPLE DO. Dear god, guys, is it that hard?”
“Jan, you punkrock Prince Charming from Wish… get a beer and relax. So, is your walking blue flag doing ok?”
“Yes, she is getting more and more used to work in the garage with me and notices herself now that she is of real help and actually does something for her money… I think it will build up confidence, but she still thinks of herself that she is the worst person on earth…”
“That can´t be true Thomas, at least not as long as Cody is alive…”
“YEAH, FUCK YOU TOO, TREVOR!”
“So, we have a taxi and you have a cop car, some matching fullsize junk then”
“Yes, Jake, I made a bargain and felt like it´s solid enough in this demolition derby.”
“Isn´t it overpowered? The top-level police spec has over 300 horses.”
“Nah, one cylinder bank is constantly switching on and off, it misfires, and some other goofs… It`s still fast, but the dyno results said it´s so worn down that it´s approved…”
“Ah yes, Globus, they are even troublesome in the brochure.”
“Thats a prejudgement, Trevor!”
“It isnt. I cut my finger on the paper of such a brochure.”
“Yes, because of the sharp design of the cars.”
The Hooligans laughed hard and spilled some beer.
“Thomas, give me your bottle, whatever you drink, I want that shit, too!”
The next moring, Chantals usually morning stretching caused a bit of problems in the camping trailer, that is suitable for two persons, but a bit small for three…
“NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW”
“ARGH! YOU HIT ME!”
<“Sorry dad… but… I need my space!”
“YOU NEED A LOT MORE THAN THAT, CHANTAL! ARGH! I will make us some coffee.”
“Oh, a good idea. Some fried eggs, too?”
“That… won´t be enough… I am really super hungry. I think I will drive to McDonalds.”
“Eh, Chantal, HAVE YOU LOOKED OUTSIDE? DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THERE IS ANY MC DONALDS IN THIS NO MANS LAND?”
“THOMAS! Not that loud this early!”
“BUT WHERE DO I GET FOOD NOW?”
“CAN YOU TWO BE LESS LOUD? DAMN! I will make some fried eggs and bacon now. Chanty, you might ask the Team Trafikjournalen, because they might know the area…”
“BAAAH! That coffee is cold! Yeah, I will just get ready and then get some food.”
Chanty spots the Team Trafikjournalen, as Thomas described the Trafikjournalen Team good enough. She braked a bit too late, and tried to put the Imperator into reverse, but the wobbly gear selector made her end up in N without noticing, and when the car didn´t move, she intentionally revved up the Diesel that covered the team in a stinky black diesel smoke cloud, as the engine was still cold.
“Ah crap, these old cars are really weird to operate, but at least they look cool. Now I am in reverse! But… I can´t see out of the window, crap.”
“At least something smokes worse than your Sanju car transporter truck”
, Carlén said to Hansen with a laugh.
“What the fuck IS this freakshow?”
, Hansen sighed.
Chanty exits the car that rolled now against the Kondor, but no serious damage seems to have happened.
“Sorry, I rarely use automatics, aaaargh!”
“Watch the paintjob!”
, Hansen said to Chanty with a cynical tone.
Chanty went to the backseat, got nail polish out of her bag and painted the little scratch on the Arva in a more or less matching color, then looked at the scratched chrome of the Primus bumper, and started to cry, but thankfully did not lose it completely in front of the strangers.
“OH NO! I am dead when my father sees this…”
From nowhere, it seems like, Filip Andersson appeared, looking at Chanty with a blushing face.
“Ehh…ehehe…ehm…NAH YOU KNOW THIS IS AN EASY…HEHEHE…FIX…Ehehehhehehmmm…”
, he stuttered, quickly went into Hansen’s Sanju LD40 getting some rags and polish, smearing it with a questionable result over the scratch on the Primus bumper.
“Ehh…ehe…he.eh…hardly…noticeable!”
“At least wipe it all off, Romeo”
, Hansen sighed, and got a dirty rag thrown at him.
“THANKS A LOT! YOU SAVED MY LIFE”
said Chanty and hugged Filip out of excitement and gave him a cheek kiss.
“Anyway, guys, you are locals, correct?”
“MMMBBBHHHHHH”
, Andersson tried to answer, probably not even knowing the meaning behind it himself.
“Nah, not really”
, Carlén said.
“Just going here for this thing every year, and some motorsports reports every now and then…”
“But… do you know a good place to get something to eat now?”
“YES, YES, I DO, I DO”
, Andersson stuttered nervously, taking some sandwiches out of the Sanju, giving them to Chanty.
“TAKE THEM ALL, BON APPETIT!”
“You gave away my sandwiches?”
, Hansen asked him,
“You’re a special kind of stupid, aren’t you?”
Chanty ate all at once and didnt hear the last sentence…
“MMMH! MJAM!.. I meant, warm food or such, I… well… I mean, I am fat, and … well…”
A few bitter tears showed up.
“But thanks again!”
, said Chanty, giving Filip another firm hug.
“I guess you won’t get any answer worth listening to from that idiot there”
, Hansen told Chanty.
“He isn´t an idiot! He gave me food… and, do you have a better answer?”
Someone from the background yelled “EH SMURF! Tiltäppta Aträrer is your destination! At the exit left, and then like 30 kilometers… eh just use the maps app!”
“Yes I have a better answer. That he indeed is an idiot. Or do like someone just yelled, I am busy with getting this shitbox to work now.”
“You are as grumpy as my dad, really. You would get along well!”
Chanty then turned to Filip, gave him another hug
“But you are nice!”
With noticeable diesel clatter, Chanty moved to the exit, and heard Kanna and Catherine begging Angel to get food, but they could not find the keys for the van. As only Maria speaks a bit German, the communication with some smartphone translators was a bit…rough, but worked.
Chanty: “Hey, sweeties! I am driving to some town to get food anyway…”
Kanna: “OH!”
In exact the same moment, Kanna already pulled full of excitement at the door handle, and… ripped it off.
Catherine: “Aren´t Primus supposed to be well-built, especially the large ones? This is a quite massive part, I thought it wouldn´t break with some pull…”
Angel: “OH NO! Thomas will kill us!”
Hou: “Primus are massively overrated in my opinion. But I can fix that with ease. Nobody will notice. I guess that´s just material fatigue after… how old is that car?”
Chanty: “Eh… old, I guess?”
Angel: “Thats a 1980 to, maybe 84 or 85 Imperator… Chanty, do you have the papers? We can look that up.”
Chanty: “My father has them there in the sunvisor… Here.”
Angel: “Oh, a 1982 Imperator 270D. Thankfully, the load capacity is generous, according to the papers.”
Kanna: “Why did you check that?”
Angel was visibly embarassed how to … explain the problem.
Angel: “Well, it´s not that Catherine and you are light, and neither is Chanty… so… eh…”
Chantal: “I KNOW I AM FAT!”
Angel: “I knew I should have kept my mouth shut…”
Hou: “Ground clearance still seems fine…Hm, maybe these Primus are not as crappy as I thought. On the other hand, the first owners of these things were barely… soft both in mindset and appearance and the engineers must have thought of that.”
Loaded with Chanty, Kanna, Catherine and Angel, the underpowered luxury car visibly struggled to get into movement.
Catherine: “Seems more that the fuel-crisis-mess of an engine is the limiting factor here. Chanty, accellerate!”
Chanty: “What do you think am I doing here?”
With a black smoke cloud and the five cylinder screaming for help, the car finally made it to the road and disappeared, leaving behind some stench. This was also watched by the Speed Freaks.
Mikko: “Hah! No need to install a lower suspension, with that fat asses on board!”
Daniel: “Why do have fat chicks always such slim boyfriends? The german budget rocker and that one-eyed jap are both one third of their hogs.”
Mikko: “I guess these losers were rejected by all the good-looking girls, they have to take what´s left.”
With Daniel imitating pig noises, Mikko smiled.
“They´re propably getting food. With all that weight in the cars, that´s good for competition, because they are slowed down to zero. That old lemon could barely get to country road speed, ahahahahaha! The victory is mine!”
Samuel, being the most mature of the trio, also smiled a bit, but didn´t feel like fueling his teammates with more mean comments - he was in first place there to race and win, not to make fun of others.
Meanwhile, in the Imperator, Catherine felt at home.
Catherine: “Finally a car where I fit well. That´s definitely too large for Japan, otherwise I would buy this off Thomas´hands. Super comfortable seats.”
Kanna: “I can confrim. But where are we heading to?”
Chanty: "The local team told me to visit … eh, what does Maps say… ah, “tiltäppta aträrer”, its a 24/7 fast food restaurant.
Kannas eyes looked at Chanty with a love that only a dog could have for its owner.
Angel: “Good that we have Chantals taxi service. My foot still hurts a bit.”
Catherine: “Why have you stopped me from hitting that bastard?”
Chanty: “What bastard?”
Catherine: “Mikko. He stepped on Angels foot on purpose to make our best driver handicapped.”
Chanty: “WHAT? THAT ASSHOLE! I will punch him in his ugly face but I am afraid that this will make him less ugly then.”
Angel: “Ahahaha! I really like it when you have confidence and fighting spirit, but it´s propably better to not cause problems here.”
Kanna: “Didn´t you tell me that Chanty changed Ana for the better? Maybe that happens with Mikko, too?”
Catherine: “NO WAY! I don´t know Ana too well, but I think that all hope is lost with that Finnish brat.”
Angel: “Yes, I am afraid you are right, honey bunny. But please, Chanty, take care and don´t put yourself in danger. I am fine.”
Chanty: “I just can´t accept that you want him to get away with it.”
Catherine, in the passenger seat, leaned towards Chanty and gently tapped her shoulder.
Catherine: “I am grateful that you are such a good friend to Angel. When you punch that asshole, let me give you company, I don´t want you do that without backup.”
Chanty, Angel, Kanna and Catherine entered the restaurant with an impressive selection of XXXXXL food portions. To their surprise, Valentin sat on a table, eating a giant bowl of MacnCheese.
Chantal: “VALENTIN?”
Valentin somewhat hastily looked around as someone had called out his name. Finding the one who did the shouting was not hard while looking for the most unique person in the empty restaurant. He waves at the group entering before returning to his food for the time being.
Chanty took a seat, while the others, not too familiar with Valentin, were a bit hesitating to take any action, and the chair made a weird noise, and Chanty made a very sad face.
Chanty: “Maybe I should not eat anything, I am too fat already…”
Vito, Valentins integrated AI, started translating automatically. Chantal explained hastily when the Y.E.A.R. team members made an astonished face.
Chanty: “He has a translator… that´s super cool!”
Catherine: “Oh how useful! And it´s not your fault, you are perfect the way you are. You could expect from an
XXL-Restaurant that they have chairs fitting their ususal customers…”
Angel: “Maybe it´s a bit worn down from them already.”
Kanna: "Not my fault, I am here for the first time!
Chanty: “How are your maccaroni? I really can´t decide what to eat… IT ALL SOUNDS SO DELICIOUS, FUUUUUUUUCK!”
The server and the 3 other guests now stared at Chanty who raised a voice a bit too much.
Chanty: “ooops… sorry… I … well, I am hungry… and… when I am hungry, I am a bit weird…”
Random guest in swedish: “YOU ARE NOT JUST WEIRD WHEN HUNGRY WITH THAT HAIR COLOR!”
Chanty: “Valentin, can you translate?”
Vito does the honors before Valentin has a chance to counter it, repeating the guest’s comment in German.
Valentin, meanwhile, tries to defuse:
[to that guest, in Swedish] “Would appreciate you minding your own business, thank you.”
[to himself] “Vito, not yet.”
[to Chanty, in English] “I get the excitement, though please try and keep somewhat quiet to not disturb others here.”
[again himself] “Now.”
Vito repeated both comments in German, clarifying who each of them were directed at. The enquiry regarding how good the Maccaroni was is ignored in favor of trying to keep peace within the establishment.
The group ordered their food, and Kanna and Chanty were visibly nervous until it finally arrived. Everything went well, until Chanty thought… “Hmm, Kannas chicken looks really nice, I might try a bit…” Chanty took the fork and stole a bit of it, and Kanna immediately hit Chanty full force with her ellbow, who crashed on the ground together with her chair.
Chantal: “AAAAH! What was that?”
Kanna: "OH NO! CHANTY! I AM SO SORRY! IT WAS A REFLEX! I AM A BIT WEIRD WITH FOOD, IT WAS NOT MY INTENTION! CHAAAANTY, SAY SOMETHING!
Chantal: “It… hurts a bit… but not too much. I am fine.”
Kanna: “I AM REALLY SORRY AGAIN… Here, have the rest of my plate as apology. It really was a reflex because I am protective over my food.”
Catherine: “What rest? You eat like a vaccumn cleaner.”
Angel: “I do not think that you are in the position to say this, honey bunny.”
Valentin, who absolutely hates unwanted attention, somewhat embarrassed himself, the only noticeable thing that came out of him during this commotion is him asking whether Chantal was okay.
The Y.E.A.R trio helped Chanty up and ordered Chanty the same meal that Kanna got before, while Kanna ordered herself what Chanty had before, a giant Pizza Tonno.
Kanna: “Yor lip is a bit bleeding”
Chanty: "Oh, don´t worry, you were really gentle compared to Marie.
Angel: “Oh no, don´t remind me of that!”
Suddenly Chantys phone rang.
Chanty: “Eh… HOW? Ah. Yes, I bring that. WAITER, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU BUT ITS IMPORTANT!”
Catherine: “What happened?”
Chanty: “That was Jan. Some Hooligan came over, attrated by the food smell, and raided their breakfast. Now Jan and dad want to bring me something for them…”
Kanna: “I dont mind ordering something additional too, for the way back, I mean, we drive like 20 minutes or so, that´s enough for another Pizza.”
Chorus: “KANNAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
Valentin was making a relieved sigh when the weird quartet was about to leave, finally minding his own business in peace again.
Kanna: “Oh, Chanty, these fries look delicious…”
Chorus: “KANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
Kanna: “But it´s my birthday!”
Chantal: “Eeeeh… and one large fries extra…”
Cashier: “Are you paying card or cash?”
Chantal: “Kidney…”
)
