The 2024 Trafikjournalen 24h of clunkers (NOON - 4 PM)

[Knugcab]

IMPORTANT INFO: DRIVER PROFILES

Untitled spreadsheet

I have added the possibility to make driver profiles now.

It is TOTALLY volountary. If you don’t fill this in, I assume all your drivers will be at default. (3 all around, which means no saving throws, or the opposite, will explain that further down)

For every driver you have, you will get 12 points to assign however you want, as long as all the stats are between 1 and 5. So, let’s say that you have three drivers, then you will get 36 points. But you can still make one driver that has 1 point on everything, and one driver that has 5 points on everything, as long as the total sum is not above 36. But that’s the reason why we have a control number in the spreadsheet. As long as that one equals 12 or lower, it is all OK. Yes, you don’t have to assign all the points you get, if you for some reason wants to roleplay as a really crappy team or something, even if I of course recommend you to use them…

Here are the stats that is possible to change:

CAUTION - basically affects your possibility to avoid getting tangled into other peoples troubles, or to lessen the effects of it. At the start of every 2 hour period a roll will be done with the D6. If caution is at 1 and the D6 shows 1 or 2, or if caution is at 2 and the D6 shows 1, you will be less good at avoiding hits for those two hours. If caution is at 4 and the D6 shows 6, or if caution is at 5 and the D6 shows 5 or 6, you will be better at avoiding hits for those two hours.

AGGRESSION - Dice rolls will work as for caution. 1 or 2 aggression and the laps will have a risk of being a little bit slower. 4 or 5 aggression and the laps will have a chance of being a little bit faster. Sure, the lap times are probably calculated with a “perfect” driver, but eh, let’s forget that for now.

SKILL - Dice rolls will work as for caution. This affects the risk of getting you (and for that matter others) into trouble to start with. 1 or 2 skill and you will risk being more crash/skid-prone for the 2 hour period. 4 or 5 skill and you will in best case have a lower risk to get into crashes or skids.

MECHANIC - This one will only work slightly different. Since it is counted with that every non driving person is into the pits, I will use the average of all of them here, and yes I have a method for counting with the decimals if those will exist, so don’t worry. But if the mechanic skills are low, there is a risk that the pitstops will take longer, and if they are high, there is a chance that they will be quicker. In general, the dice rolls works the same, though.

FILLING IN THE SCHEDULE
You can swap drivers after a 2 hour period. You don’t have to, you can keep to the same driver longer if you want to. Just try to keep it as even as you can for all the drivers. I know that it might be hard with some sizes of teams to make the schedule TOTALLY even, but I don’t want to see one skilled driver in the car all the time and then a bunch of skilled mechanics in the pits all the time…

CAN I FILL THIS DATA IN BEFORE DOING MY TEAM PRESENTATION IN THE THREAD?
Yes. I will only care about this being properly done when the deadline has ended. If it is flawed, I will try to reach out to correct you, and if there is no luck, I will just set everything to default.

PLEASE CREATE A NEW TAB WITH YOUR USERNAME ON IT, COPY THE ORIGINAL SPREADSHEET AND PASTE IT INTO THAT TAB, BEFORE FILLING STUFF IN!

Thanks to @Madrias for helping me out with this system.

[Rambow]

Question: if the car was made before 2014, do i still set my trim year to 2014?

[Knugcab]

2014 or older, is what the rules says. So older is OK, just not newer.

[PhirmEggplant]

Team PhirmEggPlant presents our (my) entry for the 24H or clunkers event

old version

Updated Version

It started as a 1982 Mishuto Ninja, long gone was the 1.4 engine and trans so we swapped it our for a late model (1994) 1.6SOHC version and bolted a turbo from a (notta) Jetta and mounted 17" rims from a 2006 (notta) Saturn. we did not have time to get the ECU reflashed but we did bore the block .030 do to the 286,xxx mile the donor engine had. the exterior was modified before we got it to make it a dragster so the wheel fitment is a little off, but we did score that outlaw spoiler off marketplace for 50 bucks and hauling off junk for some old lady! the seats are from the same car as the rims because they looked cool and fit with the roll cage.

24H24-Phirmeggplant_-_Mishuto_Ninja.car (28.4 KB)

updated .car

24H24-Phirmeggplant_-_Mishuto_Ninja.car (35.6 KB)

[Rambow]

i was asking because it seems fairer to set all the cars to the same model year, and have their age implied (you can always fit a diff/some new suspension for a race)

[Knugcab]

TEAM TRAFIKJOURNALEN - PART 0.1 - PRE RACE PLANNING
Many people are already familiar with the team by now. In case you’re not, here comes a quick presentation:

MATS HANSEN
The captain slow of the team, but the most skilled mechanic of the bunch. Likes offroading, worryingly enough, and thinks IP is the only car brand worth owning.

ERIK CARLÉN
The skilled racer of the bunch, that knows that sometimes staying on the track at a reasonable pace beats ending up in a barrier somewhere at mach 3. Likes italian cars and motorsports.

FILIP ANDERSSON
The youngster of the crowd that is getting older at a slow by steady pace. That does not mean that he is any less hot blooded or less likely to try to play pinball with the other cars, unfortunately. Has lately been moving away from interest in the tuner scene to 80s nostalgia. That does not mean that he likes the car for this year’s race…

“So, let’s get this straight, huh? First you got us an ARVA Kondor, right?”, Carlén asked Hansen.

“Yup!”

"Yeah, and they were piece of shit cars that were junk to start with?, Andersson continued.

“Yup!”

“AND THEN YOU BOUGHT IT FROM A FUCKING WAR ZONE! WHY?”, Andersson said, losing his temper as usual.

“Nah, I found it on a farm”, Hansen said. “The kids have had some fun with it on the backroads, but grew tired of it, and…”

“If even some farm kids got tired of bashing it on the backroads, was it really a wise investment then?”, Carlén asked.

“Yes, because it did cost me a 24 pack of Monster Energy”, Hansen said.

“Is really ANYTHING working on this shitbox?”, Andersson asked.

“Yes, the drivers door still has its handle in place, so it can still be opened.”, Hansen answered.

“Just don’t tell me that it has the dreaded three speed auto?”, Carlén asked.

“Nah. Why would any farm kids do their outlaw backroads racing with an auto?”, Hansen answered. “Actually it is a 1989 model so it has gotten the 5 speed manual too!”

“Yes, and a V6 that runs like shit, drinks fuel like mad, shakes like a paint mixer and has overheating problems and like 105 hp”, Carlén said, shaking his head.

“Absolutely”, Hansen said. “But don’t forget that all the go fast stickers were included in the price, so we will be the fastest ones on the track anyway!”

A close inspection later, the following conclusions were made:

• Crash damage on front bumper, front fender and front valance.
• Grille mesh missing
• Left fog light lens missing, reflector crappy
• Turn signal lenses missing
• ARVA bear hood ornament stolen (because, of course).
• A somewhat nice hood in the wrong colour
• Rust damage on more or less all the panels
• Lots of missing trim pieces
• Dents on more or less all the panels
• So-so old-ish discount tyres on very rusty steel wheels
• Three out of four door handles broken off, but for some reason the one on the drivers door remains. Could maybe have been moved over from the left rear door.
• One wiper is missing
• Backup light lenses are missing
• Trunk is opened with a screwdriver
• Interior stinks and is dirty (not that it will matter anyway)
• Chassis components seems to be somewhat sound
• Brakes seems to work and pull straight, with some life left in them.
• It is a bit soft underneath, but not at deathtrap levels.
• Wipers, lights and fan still working, albeit now on switches from Biltema with some dodgy wiring done, which could be said for most of the electrics.
• The V6 smokes, leaks fluids and runs even worse than it is supposed to do.
• Gearbox and clutch seems to have some life left in them.
• Radiator seems to be almost new (maybe courtesy of the crash damage)
• Badly patched, rusty exhaust.
• The gas tank seems rusty on the inside and clogged fuel filters might be something to count with.

All in all, a very nice and unmolested example of Archana’s 80s luxury car for the people more equal than the others!

[Dildoplocus]

I forgot the inspection list, here it is :

• Heavily rusted body
• Lightly rusted chassis
• Missing all door handles except the driver’s
• Heavy duty tape to keep the doors closed (they won’t open completely without a signifcant body deformation helping)
• Trims are uncomplete (FR door, RL door)
• Front bumper misplaced (also license plate), Rear bumper slightly misplaced
• Right headlight malfunction
• Right tailight malfunction
• Left reverse light malfunction
• Rear right indicator’s glass broken
• The engine has been modified as a race engine almost 30 years ago, when it served already more than 200 000 km. It has not been used a lot since then but has been re-ran in by Robert during his road trip from Kenya to Sweden… So to put it clearly : although it’s a tough and reliable engine, it’s been used quite a lot, and not the most healthy way.
• Same story for the original gearbox and overall transmission. It’s very reliable to begin with, but has been mistreated quite a bit.
• All hoses are old. Still working for now though.
• Tires are new-ish (found in good condition at the nearest junkyard).
• Brakes were new 12 000 km ago.
• Wiper blades are new.
• Wheel alignment has been done and all the fluids have been changed and filled up.
• A strange cheese smell in the passenger compartment.

[nicxv]

Inspection list for the Seinäjoki Speed ​​Freaks’s Sedlak Silva

• Underside of the car is heavily rusted from sitting for years in a damp garage in rural Finland.
• Body is facing medium quantities of rust, especially on the skirts and on various panels.
• Airflow to the intercooler is non-optimal due to it being bought from a salvaged car.
• Front bumper cut up to fit the intercooler.
• Cheap steelies fitted in place of the original wheels, with used tires, leading to un-optimal grip.
• 4-wheel drive system is somehow working fine.
• Worn-out shocks because of intense usage on dirt roads.
• Brake pads are new, howevers the rotors are lightly scratched and make a whistling noise.
• Driver side mirror smashed and at risk of falling.
• Driver side taillight has smashed glass.
• Misplaced front license plate (possibly to compensate for lack of airflow).
• Driver side foglight covered by license plate.
• Dodgy wiring for foglights and Biltema switches to activate them.
• All the locks and the ignition are worn out, car can be potentially started with a screwdriver.
• Extreme droning noise in the cabin due to the straight-piped exhaust.
• Possible exhaust leak due to dodgy welding, terrible back pressure.
• Engine has 314’000 km, is well-worn and is a complicated german-built unit.
• Turbocharger has been rebuilt twice.
• Clutch plates slightly worn out, you can hear it slip between first and second.
• The trunk is full of energy drink cans and beer bottles, a case of ES energy drink is always carried inside of the car.
• Gearbox works fine with no problems at all.
• One windshield wiper out of two works.
• The roll cage is NOT for a Sedlak Silva
• Traction Control fuse is missing (possibly the guys took it off so they could slide 24/7)
• Head gasket in unknown condition (not to worry, they have about 10 replacement parts)
• The alternator belt SQEAKS BADLY
• Police could recognize the car because Mikko had some fun “racing” against them.

All and all, it’s basically the 2020s version of My Summer Car’s Satsuma

[oldmanbuick]

Team Off-the-Books

An international, intergenerational team of colleagues from Flint Motors and its European subsidiary, Constellation Motors, come together for a very-not-company-sanctioned effort to pilot a 90’s full-size Flint “sport coupe” that hasn’t been driven in several years and might have been used for farm chores before that.

Hans Gustavson

5 skill, 3 aggression, 3 caution, 1 mechanic. Now a marketing executive for Constellation’s Swedish operations, Hans drove a Flint Contender as a professional driver in German Group A decades ago and drives with a philosophy of taking opportunities when they are presented, but not forcing them. He knows the basics around a garage but has mostly left the wrenching to the pros.

Samantha “Sam” Prescott

3 skill, 5 aggression, 1 caution, 3 mechanic. A junior engineer at Constellation’s headquarters in Britain, Sam is a talented amateur racer whose philosophy is that she would rather crash trying to win than finish in the middle of the pack. She is a trained engineer who knows her way around a garage but lacks the depth of experience of some other engineers.

Henry “Hank” Richmond

1 skill, 1 aggression, 5 caution, 5 mechanic. A senior safety engineer at Flint’s U.S. headquarters, Hank enjoys restoring and racing old cars, with much more of an emphasis on the restoring than the racing. With his deep knowledge of everything that could potentially go wrong and his habit of trying not to scratch the paint on his lovingly restored cars, his main talent on the track is staying out of trouble.

1995 Flint Sovereign Limited Sport Coupe

After the 1994 Sovereign was criticized for its handling and caught in an overblown scandal about “junkyard” engines, Flint sought to restore the model’s image by rushing into production a “sporty” all-wheel drive coupe with a new engine that was supposed to compete on the European market with the BMW 8-series and the Mercedes-Benz CL. Sales were poor. This particular car came included with a property sale, probably wasn’t driven for several years before then, and looks like it might have been used for farm chores before that. The car runs and drives, the chassis has surprisingly little rust thanks to its corrosion-resistant steel construction, and the team had to equip (cheap) new tires, but pretty much every other component of the car is suspect given its unknown maintenance history and questions about how well the car has held up sitting for a few years.

*Driver portraits generated by Craiyon.com.

[Angelustyle]

Now that everyone is posting the list of faults with their cars, it’s time for Y.E.A.R.'s Qua Kruzar:

-The Wipers are “semi-functional”. Sometimes they work. Although the possibility of them going single-wiper are rather high. Not to mention, they squeak a bit.
-The Body doesn’t show major signs of rusting, bumps or dents.
-The Chassis, for the most part, is rust-free, except a portion in the middle of the chassis, which was almost entirely made of rust, but has been reinforced. Therefore, in the worst case scenario, if they are hit on a very specific spot in the middle of the car at really high speed or with insane force (for example, in a very bad accident), the car could split in half…
-Tires don’t show much sign of wear and tear, but they are quite old. Aaaaaand, as seen with Team Firulais on the Shitbox Rally, that can REALLY be troublesome.
-The Driver’s Side (because they are in Japan, that’s the right side) Door doesn’t open from the outside.
-Electrical Gremlins usually show up.
-The Clutch is surprisingly still going strong, same for most of the rest of the transmission (something they WILL need… Hou has rarely driven with a manual).
-The Engine was swapped one month before the race, and was rebuilt at least twice. It has a semi-fresh radiator, due to the events at the 2024 Shitbox Rally, but, not much else. It’s a rather robust engine, despite what this description may tell. It has got over 478.000 Km on it (almost double what the car itself has), but apart from the rebuilds, not much has happened to it.
-One of the Headlights does Pop Up, but doesn’t light up… or well, it does, just that not really bright. The other one does pop up but lights up a bit too bright.
-One taillight and one reverse light have gone bust completely. And the Rear Right Indicator apparently doesn’t work.
-Cooling… ain’t great. The vents could get clogged up, but it seems somewhat unlikely. Plus, the radiator is almost semi-new.
-Most Fluids are somewhat old. Although fluids in the engine are, at worst, 6 months old, those going to the transmission, brakes, etcetera, can range from as little as 1 year old (for the Transmission Fluid) all the way to over a decade of age (for the brake fluid).
-The Brakes SUCK ASS. No, seriously, this may be the worst braking car present.
-The Steering is a bit cooked up, as it is sometimes very very responsive, and sometimes really vague.
-Only the Passenger Side Window rolls down, and it doesn’t completely.
-One Headlight Lid and the Hood Mismatch… same as the two fog lights.
-The Suspension actually seems to be OK-ish.
-The Roof has been welded a bit… mainly to avoid really serious accidents.
-The Rollcage was Hand-Made, and it ain’t very good quality, but, it’s the other thing which holds the car from snapping in half. It’s sturdy though, so it ain’t that bad.
-The Radio, during testing, shows signs of interference. They did NOT fix this.
-Hey, semi-new rims ! Ehhh, although they aren’t too good either… They even look cheap.
-The Interior ain’t too dirty, nor smelly, but it is surprisingly dusty.
-The Passenger Side Door Opens rather easily…
-The Engine Lid (I will call it like that, because it’s a Mid Engined Car) can be opened with bare hands !
-The Exhaust is somewhat loud, and was placed wrong (facing upwards, not downwards)
-Mirrors in not bad shape, Although one of them doesn’t resist to wind and the other one won’t adjust.
-The Gas tank seems in really nice shape.
-The Car hasn’t passed the Shaken (even though it has to do it next year. Last time it did the test, it somehow passed).
-The Spoiler ain’t from a Qua Kruzar…

The rest are somewhat unsignificant flaws (No A/C, Radio Works rather crudely, Fuel Gauge doesn’t work [had to rudimentally fix that, and it’s somewhat fine], Interior Lights don’t work [another rudimentary fix!], Glovebox won’t shut, Handbrake Lever is surprisingly hard to move.)

[Knugcab]

Since I will be busy friday evening, I have given you one more day to work on stuff before deadline now.

[06DPA]

Team Vet Inte - Pre-Signup Part 1

“Can anyone come up with an actually proper team name? We can’t just keep fooling around” Said Rasmus, the man behind the idea of joining this years 24h of clunkers. “I dunno” replied Andreas, who couldn’t care less, but had nothing better to do. And that was it for the team name. What do you expect from a group of 20-ish car enthausiasts and Andreas? Yeah, that’s right.

However, it is rather difficult to enter a car race when the only thing you have is a team name. So after a few days of procrastination, they started looking for a suitable vehicle.

“This thing looks alright” said Martin, pointing at an advert for a 1990 Cago 200 estate. But then Jonathan came back into the room after a snack. “Uncle said he knows someone whose grandpa is willing to lend his old car for free”

They came to a mutual agreement of checking it out. And that’s where it began to go downhill for team Vet Inte.

[Rambow]

Question: if my team were to buy the car with some money left over, and then i was to change the exterior so it looked like a race car, would i be allowed to add a splitter/spoiler of there wasn’t originally one present. its mainly for aesthetics because with no numberplate theres basically nothing going on at the front, but if it could be functional aswell id like to know.

[Knugcab]

And I once again question - how am I supposed to know if there even was a spoiler there to start with?

As long as you keep it to no more than one spoiler up front and one in the back, and doesn’t have positive downforce, you’re fine.

[06DPA]

Team Vet Inte - Pre-Signup Part 2

The old man led the guests to a rather run down wooden shed, that provided little to no weather protection. He picked up the rock that kept the doors in place, and pulled the door open with the help of “uncle”, leaving visible marks on the wet dirt.

In the almost building, there was a car shaped object covered in a sheet of once-was fabric with damp leaves on top. The old man pulled the sheet off, revealing something so old the group had no idea what it was.

The remains of a go-fast stripe and a racing number sparked the curiosity of the young men. “Has this thing raced before?” they asked.

The old man told a fascinating story about the car to the group. Funnily enough this exact car has already competed in the 24h of clunkers, just way back in the early 90s. The car was lucky enough to survive the race without any external damage, as it turns out it broke down on the first lap, and it couldn’t be fixed on site.

Apparently though, it ran when it was parked in said shed with plans to enter it once more the year after. Unfortunately, it didn’t.

“Well, that’s all cool and all, but if something breaks we won’t be able to get any parts for this thing” said Rasmus. The old man then pointed to the very damp cardboard boxes on the shelf next to the car. “You have everything you need there. You can take all of it. I don’t need any of this anymore, do whatever you want with it”

The next day the group pulled up with a trailer and took everything that was inside the shed. As they set off, the shed promptly collapsed.

[Rambow]

well, i was basically gonna do my entry as them buying the car, and then a subsequent few entries of them (badly) making the car race-ready. the spoiler definitely wouldn’t fit a stock car is all i will say, but its definitely not for performance either.

[Fayeding_Spray]

Bugs in the Code (help)

(AKA BitC(h))

In a blind idea of now having bodies, and a couple more friends to drag along (it’s a lot of friends), two non-human persons (NHPs) known as Aurora and Eclipse decided the best thing they could do with a bottomless budget was race a shitbox.

Not any shitbox, mind you… Older late 60s American muscle car without a motor, and then an unfitting motor shoved in the front. It’s LOUD, it’s ROWDY, and it’s covered in MEMES (thank you protea and v2 - aurora). There’s enough shit on the car otherwise to disguise the shitty nature of the car, but fuck it. We ball and whatnot.

Please welcome, the 1969 Torrento Providence II… which has been absolutely ruined. (the original owner did not care about it much either tbf - eclipse)

Had to get a replacement boot, doors and hood. Original owner had let them rust to nothing. Couldn’t find a wing, so we just have the exposed bolts. The lower half of the front bumper was effectively useless, so it got torn off and replaced with some junk to look more “race car.” 8L truck motor was shoved in and paired somehow successfully to the 3 speed automatic that came in the car stock. Gearing’s unchanged, bitch makes a lot of torque though. We decided (v2 and protea decided - aurora) to dress it up rather than leaving it plain. V2 had some memes she liked, so we printed them as stickers and stuck 'em on. Aurora spraypainted the number on the doors and roof, and I (protea) cut some holes in the hood and made some direct exit exhausts so this motherfucker is LOUD!

Car provided by @Leone

The Close Up of the Memes.

---

The Crew

Aurora (NHP)

Green, technically the leader of these gaggle fucks. Sister to Eclipse, Mother to Protea, friend to V2. Of the bunch, the most level headed and likely to take charge when needed. 5ft 6in, and very much the astute of the bunch.

Eclipse (NHP)

Demon-y, the quiet and cute one. Sister to Aurora, Mom to Protea, friend to V2. Slightly more clowny, usually the house NHP of where they live, one of her horns is still broken (not pictured). 6ft dead on, and really just here for her sister.

Protea (NHP)

Yellow, and big-miss military. Loud, Southern, and mean. Daughter to Aurora and Eclipse, “best” friend to V2. The military miss, NHP and vice-admiral of a starship herself, alongside a fleet of… well, herself as pit crew for this event. Calls everyone by a nickname, because it’s more fun than a normal name.

V2 (AI, M90 VEGA architecture)

Character of @Leone

Ourple, short, terminally funny. Friend to all, but very short. Like, 5ft 1in short. She’s a terminal shitposter who really should spend way less time online, but hey, it’s fun. She lives on Protea’s ship and comes down to Earth every once and a while for a good time.

The Pit Crew (Protea)

Pit Crew Images x4

They’re all Protea, she controls all of them. Variety of attachments and colours, but all clearly still Protea. Each one stands at dead 6ft tall, and all they’re here to do is fix the car, change wheels, and whatnot.

[Happyhungryhippo]

The Transport

in collaboration with @Elizipeazie

Thomas greets Valentin, opens the gate and helps reversing onto the large property, which is crowded with diverse cars in various states from junk to almost perfect, then shows him the car that needs to be transported, and filled in the protocol.

Many dents and scratches
Rust, but chassis is solid
Door locks don´t work
bulletholes
cracked windscreen
head and taillights functional but lenses partly destroyed (Thomas will maybe fix it later for night driving when he has time
engine misfires a bit at idle and seems to have lost maybe 50 of its 360 horsepower
exhaust fell off
brakes worn, but should still work for this one last time
tires are shitty and old but have profile left and are not damaged
vague steering that shouldnt be that vague even for this model
and one thing that they forgot but will soon notice…

All papers are in the glovebox, but… it´s jammed, and it will fall off if you pull to hard, so be careful then in case you need to show them. In case you rip the glovebox off, there is duct tape in the trunk, but you can only open it from inside since the handle fell off and the lock is on strike.

I do not think that I need papers for it, since this car is propably not in the shape to be registrated again, and we remain in the EU.

said Valentin, comparing the fragment of a cop car to what Thomas filled in the form, and noticed that Thomas list of faults was an understatement.

Yes, I guess this car is not suiting for any public road in this world…Valentin, you want a drink?

Some states are said to be more liberal than others…

Yes, so, I doubt that it is helpful if I distract you from your job, I will go inside and let you do your task, eh, what about the drink, coffee or water?

Water, thanks

Valentin started to get the securing equipment ready and wondered a bit how to use the space wisely, since a second car needs to be loaded onto the trailer later and both vehicles are huge, as the Highway Hooligans also went for a fullsize car. But even that large car can barely fit Valentin, who tries to fold into the driver seat.

Meanwhile, Chanty asks Thomas who came.

Valentin, he is loading the car now onto the trailer, and I get a bottle of water from the office.

Chanty started a sprint outside, but was harshly held back by her father.

NOW LET HIM JUST DO HIS JOB!

And if he needs help?

Then he can ask for it. I TOLD YOU A 1000 TIMES THAT WHEN PEOPLE ARE FOCUSSED AT WORK, DONT DISTRACT THEM BY BLABBERING NONSTOP!

Since Thomas was a bit harsh, Chanty ran to the toilet, locked herself in and cried bitter tears, while Thomas sighed and decided to comfort his daughter after bringing Valentin the bottle, which he put onto the driver seat of the van.

Hah! Looks like you don´t really fit in, Valentin. Should I use next year a minivan that´s more spacious than this ride?

There are many reasons why I usually do not work for my father as a driver, and the inability to fit into most cars is one of them.

Starting the car was a problem, as Valentins knee blocked the iginition.

Valentin, as a mechanic and shop owner I have driven cars on ramps a lot of times by now, if you want, I can do that, I am not familiar with this behemoth but I guess I am qualified to get this done.

That´s maybe better. Ugh. I can barely fold myself out of the car.

Thomas started the Globus Grand Cruiser which made a deafening noise, so Valentin used handsigns to “navigate” Thomas correctly onto the trailer.

Meanwhile, Chanty left the toilet and joined them, which they didn´t notice with all the noise the car made, and Thomas succeeded with the second attempt, while Valentin used his hands to cover his ears whenever not having to use them for signaling Thomas.

[in Swedish] Dear god!

A nervous Chanty sneaked behind Valentin who used the belts to secure the car, not knowing if she can say something or not, and then just gave him a firm hug from behind.

[swedish] WHAT THE FU…?

Judging from the perfume cloud, Valentin quickly realized it was Chanty and carefully tried to get out of the hug, who notices that Valentin doesn´t feel comfortable and stands now very shy behind him, not really being able to speak a clear sentence, as her terrible English skills are a problem again.

Valentin notices and uses his integrated AI, Vito, by coupling it to his smartwatch and then making it translate his Swedish to German, and Chantys German to Swedish.

Good evening. I did not mean to be annoyed, I just need to get the job done first.

Of course, the setup is weird, because you first hear the peoples own voice in original language, then the artifical one.

Eeeeeh, WHAT IS THIS? YOU HAVE A… a… a… how is that called?

A translator? Yes. I noticed in Holsia that foreign languages are a pain for you, so I prepared myself to make it easier for you when interacting with me. I can explain it more when I am done here.

Eeeeeh, sure… I wait inside, and, eh, are you hungry?

Appetite yes, but don´t start making it complex, I will get some food in town with ease.

Thomas, meanwhile sneaked with a cigarette across his property, and Valentin checked for him if he touched his transporter, since he assumes that everything that Thomas got his hands on will fall apart and catch fire.

Eh, Valentin, what are you staring at him? Hm, it´s really no big deal cooking for you, I like doing it. Are you allergic to something?

No restrictions there. Due to a lack of time, I prefer food that is well scalable, like pasta, soups, or such.

sca…what?

Valentin sighed.

Pasta is fine, Chantal. I eat because I have to and not because I want or like to, if the other four family members next to me eat less than me, it´s not comfortable. I eat that what´s easy, not too unhealthy and could be eaten for some days in a row, my enormous appetite is restricting my choices a bit.

So… that means I am NOT the person eating the most in the world? DADDY, DID YOU HEAR THAT? I AM NOOOOOOT!!!

Chantal, since I don´t know how much you eat, it´s not yet safe to say that I am eating more.

Ehm, eh, I eat…a lot?

M-hm.

Valentin now secured the last wheel and drank the large water bottle that Thomas put on the driver seat, and with a large gulp he emptied half of it at once.
Since Chanty noticed that she annoyed Valentin, she started crying silently and went into the kitchen with hanging shoulders and started cooking, which Valentin did not notice. While cooking, her mood improved a bit again.

Instead, Thomas approached him.

Since most hotels are not suiting your size, I have arranged a few pallets and matresses in the barn there, it has an oven, a simple bathroom and is there for our guests to have a seperate private space here.

Oh, this is a solution that I would like to accept, in this case I will refund the hotel fee we charged you, Thomas. Indeed I do prefer sleeping on something that works for my size.

Ah, buy yourself something nice from that. You want a beer?

No, thanks, I do not drink alcohol.

After an hour, an euphoric Chanty called for food, and the traces on her mouth showed that … she already tried a bit of it.

CHANTY! COULDNT YOU WAIT TWO MINUTES?

Mah! I haff to feck iff itf delifiouf. I can´t offer our guests trash.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Thomas takes a seat and hopes that Valentin didn´t notice, but of course he did.

Not soon after, the dog of the Nilferts suddenly jumped onto the table when Thomas left it to get more beverages, and ate up Thomas meal, and Thomas carried the dog back into his bed, swearing a lot, and Chanty has a laughing attack and fell, as the chair was tilting dangerously from her weight, down on the floor.

The fast happenings of one disaster after another irritate Valentin a lot and he looks confused at Chantal, who tried to get up again, which took a bit of time.

Eeeh, I am not the only one with a lot of hunger here… eeh, he doesn´t always do this, but he loves…Cheese… like me…

Thomas came back, with the dog again following him.

He is from animal protection, a dog that starved before… but well, Chanty cooked for a whole army, so, it´s enough left. When are you planning to leave tomorrow?

As early as possible to get the ferry.

Valentin started to visibly freeze.

It´s not THAT cold, Valentin… eh, I will heat up the oven you have there, I will be right back.

They then finished dinner, and went to bed quite early, as the next day would be stressful.

The next morning, Valentin entered the Nilferts house, as he didn´t fit into the shower in the barn. Thomas, not noticing Valentins presence as he was still half asleep, activated the coffee machine, and then, when noticing his guest, made a grumpy attempt at smalltalk.

Eh, there you are. Well, take whatever you want, but there is no hurry, the eating machine still doesn´t hear her alarm…

Valentin acutally eats more than Chanty at the moment, but restrains himself, and his thoughts were interrupted when thomas started swearing - he forgot to put the pot into the machine, and the mess was quite impressive. Soon after, he went off, still cursing, to load the camping trailer.

Shortly after 6 AM, Jan appeared on the yard with Chantys car, wondering about Valentins presence who just left the Nilferts house and got back to “his” place.

Oh, Valentin, what are you doing here?

Collecting my stuff, I am hired to transport the car of your team to Sweden and was allowed to sleep here.

Ah, nice. Thats typical of them to not tell me anything. Chanty talks to me for two hours about a stupid tiktok video but the really important things, nah, why? Just like her father. Anyway, can I help you with something?

No thanks, it´s just collecting my things and doing my hair, thats easy.

Oh, all right, I will wake up Chanty then, because Thomas seems busy with the camper and it seems I better don´t interact with him now with that temper… I wonder what it is now again.

Mhm…

Valentin disappeared in the barn, because the chaotic characters of Thomas and Chantal were already stressful enough for him, and left at half past six, while Thomas was still trying to fit everything.

WE ARE GOING ON VACATION, WE ARE NOT MOVING IN OVER THERE! DOES THIS HAVE TO BE ALWAYS SO MUCH SHIT OF YOURS TO LOAD??? CHANTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!

[nicxv]

A trip to Sweden.

A typical morning in the beautiful, calm of the Finnish countryside. The outskirts of Seinäjoki look really nice today, the sun was shining, green grass fields shined in the light, barely any traffic onto the dirt roads. The weather was a bit cooler than the previous days, however nothing to really worry about, the birds chirped as the day began for everyone. The few that were driving that day, were either calm pensioners, going to the lake, fishermen going to get their boats, the local convenience store owner with his little Japanese hybrid hatchback, all and all, a perfect scenery.

A scenery, that would get ruined, by a sound all too familiar to the experienced finns.

PERKELE!!!

Today was the faithful day, the Seinäjoki Speed Freaks would be finally traveling to Sweden, to take part in this fabled 24 Hour race, with their trusty czech sedan. And the scream, it was produced by none other than Akseli Vanhala, the team’s obsessive compulsive mechanic, screaming onto the phone. Why was he screaming onto the phone? We don’t know. He came in by truck, his dad’s GIFU flatbed truck, pretty worn out and used, being a septic truck back in the 90s by some man from Peräjärvi, before being converted to flatbed duties in the modern day. On the door of the truck, there was written “Amis Auto: Korjaamo, Tuning, Tiepalvelu”, meaning “Amis Auto: Repair Shop, Tuning, Roadside Assistance”. The old, worn out I6 with a ton of engine hours, was replaced with a powerful, diesel V8, and on the back of it, the team’s trusty Sedlak Silva, which would hopefully let them win. He was wearing the shop’s hoodie, with black cargo pants, sneakers and a watch.

Akseli: I knew it, I knew it! It’s day of departure and he’s late! Why am I friends with him! Haista vittu…

Meanwhile, inside of the house, someone was doing the fastest he could to hopefully get dressed in time for Akseli not to scream back at him. And that someone, was Jani Kyllonen, one of the team’s drivers, and clearly not someone who likes doing things on time. He was completely rushing it all, quickly putting on his flannel shirt, grabbing a 24 pack of Euroshopper for the road, he had even more in the backpack, and while sipping from one of the cans, he quickly ran out of the house, still fixing his hair.

Akseli was outside, tapping his watch as he gave a stern look to Jani.

Akseli: You’re late! You’re fucking late!

Jani: I-…I-…it’s only 5 minutes I- I was getting ready-

Akseli: Breathes in… we’re on a schedule, Jani. You know I like my schedules, you’re lucky it’s not race day, or else me and Mikko would’ve hit you with a tire iron.

Jani: I see you two are becoming friends now…SPEAKING OF HIM! WHERE IS HE! You say I’m late, weren’t you supposed to pick him up!

Akseli: Oh, that. He’s waiting for us at Tommin Kauppa, let’s get going?

Jani: Sigh I’m tired…

Tiredly sipping on his energy drink, Jani hopped inside the truck, and as Akseli started the engine, the air would be filled with the sound of a large, straight-piped Diesel V8, before he closed the exhaust valves.

Akseli: Now, now, no need to show off the party trick already.

And with that, the duo would drive off towards the store to pick up Mikko. Apparently he had a surprise for all of them, but they didn’t know what exactly it was. Knowing Mikko, he either had a case with 1 million euros, or the SUPO searching for the three of them.

Jani: What the hell did you do to this thing! It flies!

Akseli: It used to be a Septic truck, some guy from Peräjärvi, he lost the license and my dad bought it from him. We swapped out the Inline 6, and we got the V8 from one of those “Italtrasporti” trucks, the Italian ones. 17.7l V8 engine, 485 horsepower, with the exhaust and map we got almost 600.

Jani: You’re pushing supercar power on a truck!

Akseli: You should see how it climbs hills, it’s like nothing can stop it.

Jani: Man, you’re good…

The duo arrived at the convenience store, and what they saw, was something that they did not expect. Mikko was there, yes, for some reason he was driving a camper van, but now that you see it, they needed somewhere to sleep. Smart choice, yes. But alongside him, there were about 6 or 7 modified cars, from Swedish bricks, to old Japanese hatchbacks, to German sedans, and each of the drivers had at least one or two passengers, and enough sausages, beers and energy drinks to feed an army, as well as enough speakers to create a Rave Party.

Akseli was attempting to park the enormous, unwieldy Flatbed truck inside the parking lot, as Jani looked outside the window. Many of the people, he did know, few he didn’t, one of them immediately stood out to him.

He saw this girl he had never seen before, hanging around Mikko and his crew. Her name, as he would later find out, was Alexandra Boyd, and she was from Hamilton, Canada, studying abroad in Finland at the University of Tampere. Things that were clearly distinctive? Everything! Her blue hair, her clothing style (why was she wearing work pants???), the fact that she drove a modified German sedan, the fact that someone like her hung out for someone like Mikko, the fact that she would go with them to Sweden, everything! However, now it’s not the time to know her.
SHE’LL BE IMPORTANT FOR UPCOMING SHITBOX RALLY

Mikko: Huh? You guys like the surprise?

Akseli: Saatana… was all of this necessary? Who are these guys?

Mikko: What do you mean “necessary”, they’re my squad! Of course they’re coming with me.

Jani: Will we all fit in the campervan?

Mikko: I mean…I gutted it out to make space for matresses, if there’s not enough space…someone’ll sleep in the truck’s sleeper cab?

Squad Member 1: Who are these guys, Mikko?

Mikko: They’re my team for the race. Guys, this is Kari.

Kari: Hey, nice to meet you dudes.

Jani: Nice to meet you too, dude. I’m Jani, he’s Akseli. He doesn’t really speak a lot, so…

Akseli: I can handle myself! I’m Akseli.

An awkward shake of hands took place.

Squad Member 3: Mikko! Let’s get going!

Mikko: Yeah, yeah! Let’s do this, guys.

And with that, the squad departed, going onto the main roads and causing havoc with 6 modified cars, a campervan and a flatbed truck with a Sedlak Silva on it, with one objective: going to Sweden, and winning the 24 Hour rally.

Continues in Part 2 whenever I have time

[Djadania]

oh no
who’s that

get a bit closer

closer my son

It’s the DAW Corsica B -ChatLada-!!! From Team Bowling!!!

The goal of Team Bowling is simple - To ruin the competition by ramming everyone off the road.
Taking inspiration from the successful ChatGPT from 2023, they have come back with a vengeance after their last car got flipped and destroyed.

This time, they’re ready with a car to get revenge. With welded steel pipes and panels all across the car, welded to both the chassis and body, they hope it can protect against crashes. The cage even has extra wheels on it to roll on the ground if the connection between the car somehow breaks, meaning it can always rest on the car. Yes, it has a rollcage inside too.

It has been swapped with a 3.1L I6 from a truck (questionably put in it) that produces 162 horsepower, to hopefully help with performance. Considering who put it together though and that they found the engine from a junkyard, it’s bound to not work 100%…
The gearbox may also be an issue as it is a modified version of the one that was originally in the car to withstand more torque and have improved performance. It is unknown how well it works, so they expect problems from it.

The car itself besides that could be in worse condition, but the model is dirt cheap and very common so they got a good deal on it. Most of the money went towards the frame, engine, and gearbox.

There are also banana peels for aerodynamics somewhere in there. No one knows where; Probably somewhere hidden under the boot.

Team Bowling

Jon Arbuckle

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After making an impression last year (even though he didn't finish), he's back to feed his "cat". No one knows what's going on there, but they say he's not being entirely truthful.

You know what, I don’t even really want to be here because of last year and I’m flat broke, but the damn cat is begging for more Lasagna or my life. Please, at least clean the car of spiders? I’ve had enough of the Lasagna too, but I really do need to get it for the cat.

Azamat Bagatov

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After his drug money from CCC3 ran out, he's back for some more. He doesn't care what he has to do, he'll ram people off the track with no hesitation. They say he might make the car slower with his weight.

I’m here for money. I better not see Schrant on the track, just because I rammed him once doesn’t mean I won’t do it again.

Cthulhu James

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Returning from last year, the shadows in his room haven't left yet and he still doesn't have his drivers license. He always carries a knife.

I hate my parents. I want to change my name but they say I’m insane and wont let me.

24h24_-Djadania-DAW_Corsica_B-ChatLada-.car|attachment (519.0 KB)

Let the bowling begin…