one eternity later…
Open Media Corp. Headquarters, Osaka, Japan
In a desperate attempt to complete the government’s mission to “remind the general population of the joys of family life” lest their broadcasting rights be taken away and all their assets be burned to the ground (PPE, intangibles, goodwill, and even talents and employees), the staff at Open Media Corp. have been frantically scouring the internet for any cars that would suit the brief.
With a list of about 15 cars, the team was ready to present their findings to senior management. Just before that however, something interesting came up on the TV:
TONIGHT, ON SMNN!
Supreme Court, Tokyo, Japan
The Supreme Court has ruled in favour of Bideney and Nordwagen after months of legal battles regarding some of the companies’ automobiles.
A few months ago, the Ministry of Transport alleged that Bideney and Nordwagen had been falsifying emissions test results, and falsely advertising their cars to run on RON 95 fuel. However, sufficient evidence has been gathered that the government have in fact been testing a slightly older version of the D300LV6, which had not received updates to make them compliant to current standards.
As a result of the negligent misconduct conducted by ministerial staff, the minister for transport has publicly apologized to both companies and the general public in a recent press conference. However, this did not stop Bideney and Nordwagen from filing a countersuit against the Ministry of Transport. The plaintiffs argued that the ministry’s false report had caused millions of dollars in damage to both companies due to corrective action that was in fact unnecessary, as well as lost sales due to the loss of consumer trust. Although the case has not officially been closed, several people who are familiar with the matter have said, under anonymity, that the matter will be settled out of court.
In other news, two Ministry of Transport staff have been found dead on the grounds of the Ministry of Transport’s headquarters. The deceased were reportedly looking at their phones while walking in the hallway prior to their death and, because they were distracted, ran into a window which was not there. Our thoughts and prayers are with them.
The Bideney D300LV6 is now legal and no longer in the instabin
“Wow, that’s great for Bideney and Nordwagen!” a staff member said, “That makes it 16 cars! Now, let’s get back to work…”
ROUND 1
(literally the only round before the finals)
Bideney D300LV6
@HybridTronny and @moroza
Without a doubt, the the D300LV6 is the single most comfortable car this round. Wonderful! However, everything starts to fall apart however once you take a look at the engineering used to get to this point.
Firstly, the $45,000 car with handmade interior. Some might say “Handmade interior at a cheap price !? !? Satisfactory!”, but this really is just a prelude of what’s to come: minmax beyond belief.
An example of this is the engine. It is a modest 3,020cc V6 which actually produces an impressive 300hp. Again, things fall apart when we get to the details. Peak engine power comes at 7200rpm, and the engine itself redlines at 7800rpm as if it were a Honda engine from the 90s and early 2000s. Again, it’s not totally egregious (even though luxury cars these days would either have a turbocharged engine, or made a lot less power per litre) but the minmax spirit really shows.
And finally, as arguably the most obvious sign of minmax, the D300LV6 uses incredibly large truck/SUV-sized tyres, leaving no room between the tyre and the wheel arch. Combined with the ultra-soft suspension that gives the D300LV6 cornering abilities equivalent to a body-on-frame SUV (the ladder frame SUVs actually pulls more cornering g’s than the D300LV6 in this case). A setup like this is bound to make the car prone to bottoming out, but Automation stats say no so I guess it won’t happen at all! There’s still a lot to talk about but point is this isn’t making it to the finals
A shame really, as the minmaxiness of this car really overshadowed the Bideney’s otherwise good design.
Verdict: Binned
Rhaina Preserver Type-C
@happyfireballman
The Preserver is notable for having the largest cargo volume of all the cars in the competition. However, the car also has the lowest drivability, comfort, and safety stats despite having the latest safety tech due to its body and frame construction. Fuel consumption is also the highest of the lot, and the engine uses individual throttle bodies which is normally not seen in a car like this.
Verdict: Binned
FamiHaul EXCELL (7-seat)
@supersaturn77
The FamiHaul has been on the market for about 10 years now and its design has always looked 10 years old even when new. The car looks awkward, with incredibly long overhangs The engine is the smallest of the bunch, measuring at 1.9l, but has two turbos which bring the total power figure to 268hp. Impressive, until you see the power graph:
The car has decent stats and the second-lowest purchase price of the bunch, but its engineering and design quality puts the car out of the competition.
Verdict: Binned
Mara Rodyna 4.0 KE7 4Trak
@AndiD
The Rodyna is the most compact car of the bunch and has been around in the market for twelve years now. It is the cheapest car in this class today and is actually the most reliable and the cheapest to service. However, it is also one of the least safe cars relative to its peers due to its small size and subsequently low weight. The company has not updated the car’s safety systems to modern standards
The same can also be said about the engine. It is incredibly rare to find a V8 jammed into an MPV, and yet the Rodyna has one. The engine is very lazy however, pushing out 250hp out of 4 litres of displacement, something that can be achieved by a modern turbo 4 cylinder or even a smaller, naturally aspirated 6 cylinder engine. Fuel economy is quite good, but perhaps this is due to the car’s small size and lazy performance.
Styling leaves much to be desired but is far from the worst.
Verdict: Binned
Kaizen Guide 27
@66mazda
The Guide has one of the highest drivability as well as sportiness among the entries, which is impressive considering that MPVs usually have a disadvantage in sportiness. However, since it has relatively sporty suspension tuning, the Guide has less comfort than most other entries. Still, the Guide is cheaper than most entries, and is a solid contender overall.
Verdict: Moves On
Bellomont BM8
@LS_Swapped_Rx-7
The BM8 excels in the drivability and comfort departments, with good fuel economy and looks to boot. A solid and very well-balanced entry overall.
Verdict: Moves on
Yamaguchi LeGrande
@Happyhungryhippo and @mart1n2005
Luxurious, comfortable, and very powerful, the LeGrande is a very competent MPV that is certainly no slouch.
However, the LeGrande is held back by its low safety score thanks to its use of light AHS steel for the chassis, and the use of a premium infotainment system also holds comfort back.
Because of its large and turbocharged engine, the LeGrande is one of the most powerful entries this round and as such has a high sportiness stat, but any kind of spirited driving is held back by the suspension tuning (the soft spring settings specifically) which results in high body roll, and also somehow reduces comfort levels. A solid design, but at this state it still feels half-baked.
Verdict: Moves on
Zephorus LV ELWB
@Riley
The LV is one very imposing beast, measuring at a hefty 5.44m long with a 3.4m wheelbase. With its 720hp engine and mean looks, the LV is absolute overkill. However, the LV falls short in terms of drivability and comfort, although it also has the highest safety rating of all the cars in the competition due to its sheer size and weight (2.65 tonnes!).
Verdict: Binned
Tioro Amardi
@Oreology and @iivansmith
The Amardi too is a beast, with its power output being second only to the Zephorus. It is a very great-looking vehicle, with an equally stunning interior design. The Amardi is also very comfortable, safe, and quite reliable despite all the technology that gets put into it.
Verdict: Moves On
Shenhua Kukri
@ErenWithPizza
The Shenhua Kukri is a perfectly capable car for the job, with good drivability, comfort, fuel economy, and reliability considering that it is one of the cheaper cars around. A very solid entry, but its exterior design is unfortunately outclassed by other entries this round.
Verdict: Binned
Acclima Mirthira
@IncredibleHondaFit
Much like the Kukri, the Mirthira is a very capable MPV, boasting very good comfort and drivability stats, as well as being the most reliable car this round. The exterior design is not bad, but the car unfortunately looks about 8-10 years older than it should be.
Verdict: Binned
Duwang Kommando
@azkaalfafa
The Kommando’s design can be best described as being very commanding and almost Cyberpunk-like. The front fascia is adorned with an intricate grille design, which continues onto the side of the car and back of the car. Further details like radars and cameras also populate the car, showing the sheer attention to detail placed on the exterior design.
The star design from the exterior continues inside, as illuminated dots pepper the dashboard and door cards. Material choices are also incredible as the colours of the leather, wood, and even the infotainment UI complement each other. The 2nd row captain’s chairs are absolutely decadent and jam-packed with buttons and other details. THEY EVEN GOT STARS UNDERNEATH THE GEAR LEVER!!!
There is so much to love about this car, but having a long review at this stage spells trouble.
The Kommando falls apart when it comes to engineering, however. Like the Bideney, the Kommando has a 3,019cc engine. And, like the Bideney, it also produces 300hp, with peak power coming in at 6700rpm and a redline at 7500rpm. The engine also uses individual throttle bodies, which is cool but not realistic. Again, nothing too egregious but quite annoying.
The Kommando also has solid brake discs up front, which is not ideal for braking performance, which was made even worse by the complete lack of any brake cooling airflow. There is no undertray either, which would have improved fuel economy and protected the car’s underside from damage, among other benefits
With more “conventional” or at the very least more realistic engineering choices, the Kommando would have made it to the finals. Yet another real shame that this has to be binned.
Verdict: Binned
Menschen Sahara SV6
@the-chowi
The Sahara’s design is solid if a bit bland, though this isn’t much of a problem for a car in its segment since it still looks neat and clean. The car is a jack of all trades, with good comfort, drivability, fuel economy, and reliability stats although it isn’t exactly the #1 best in any of those regards.
Although its price is on the higher end, you really can’t go wrong with the Sahara.
Verdict: Moves On
Wolfe Citadel
@karhgath
The Citadel has a funky design, especially at the rear. The car packs a punch and has good drivability and comfort. However, this comfort is achieved by a handmade interior. Without the handmade interior, the Citadel’s poor suspension tuning shows, being just a hair more comfortable than the very sporty Kaizen Guide.
Verdict: Binned
Voltari Spår Executive RS-Line 3.2T
@vero94773
The Voltari is a sharp-looking vehicle and for the most part it is well-engineered. However, the Voltari falls short in terms of drivability and comfort compared to other cars, especially given its price and the use of air suspension. The Voltari is also one of the least reliable entries, second only to the Zephorus. Still, the Voltari is one of the safest cars around, despite having less safety equipment than most other entries (standard 20s safety).
Verdict: Binned
Halvson Gateway P6 GX
@lotto77
The Halvson is the only body-on-frame SUV of the bunch besides the Rhaina and as such, it suffers in terms of safety, comfort, and driving dynamics. This is remedied by the use of independent suspension on all four wheels, which gives the Halvson good comfort. Still, it is one of the least reliable cars of the round and its large, 4l engine produces an impressive 277hp, with a torque curve more akin to a diesel engine.
Verdict: Binned
FINALISTS:
@the-chowi
@Oreology / @iivansmith
@66mazda
@LS_Swapped_Rx-7
