Looking at the team list as it is currently, I am the only entrant who did not use “Team” as part of his/her team name. Truly the sign of a dark horse you bet on!
If you like betting on full chambers loaded-Russian Roulette, that is. 
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Technically, we’re just the Rental Wreckers, but I understand what you’re getting at.
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Indeed, I forgot that. And the principle also applies to other teams, like Old But Gold and ABOPCO Racing (what a letter soup, haha), in fact. I guess I accidentaly ensured the “Team” naming convention would not be applied to Mr. Aston’s team.
Plus, it’d ruin the “wonderful” dynamic of what that name becomes, when you turn it into an acronym. Said acronynm doesn’t refer to the team’s sanity, mind…
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I realize ABOPCO Racing is a mouthful, but its both PG and a lot easier to type out than the full name. I also only ever mentioned what it means in the meat of the post, so it’s a bit of an inside joke to anyone who actually takes the time to read the lore.
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Team Bibimbap
Driver: Kim Park
Navigator: Song Li
Info: A pair of [redacted] korean [redacted] chefs who decided to travel the world searching for new recipies. Their mission is to participate in this competition to raise the money needed to fund the [redacted] korean [redacted][redacted] restaurant that they plan on opening.
The Car:
The Nohda Bopproader
Acquired for literally pennies, this modified Nohda Bop! is ready to tackle the offroad trails of South America to fund the all important [redacted] restaurant.
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Team ‘Southend Or Bust’
Would you believe it! James, Martin and Seb are back again because I can’t think of any other characters to use!
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James Hurley - 22 year old actually named after the Twin Peaks character by his mother, and not even for a joke. Still your stereotypical CarThrottle fan, only now he’s working as a Market Data Analyst for a business investment firm in London. Has almost saved up enough for his dream BMW 3 series, has a thing for Emma Stone and is the best amateur cook there is.
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Seb Anitolo - 21 year old Spanish guy with a Geography degree that, like most people who take Geography, he has no idea what to do with. He’s been back at home in Guadalajara for a while whilst trying to find a job in Madrid, but it hasn’t been easy so far. Has been known to attract both women and men with his thick black hair, which he keeps perfectly maintained via a kit-bags worth of products.
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Martin Deenham - 22 year old with a not-so-secret love of indie rock, and the only one with proper mechanical experience. Like many post-grad students, he’s currently working as an accountant, because his degree is worth shit all else. Still very, very particular about everything, but he’s managed to end up in a relationship, which James isn’t salty about at all.
We pick up the action 3 weeks before the start date at an industrial car park near to the Bristol dockyards, UK. The boys are here to see their car before it’s shipped off to Brazil before being driven inland to Bolivia via lorry. To shake things up, James insisted that he choose the car and prep it, as Martin had done so on the previous 4 challenges they’d taken part in.
Martin stared aghast at what stood before him, before uttering a single, determined word; “No”.
Seb, who stood next to him, flicked his eyes between the car and James, who stood next to it with his usual smug grin. His long hair swayed gently in the sea breeze. Even he knew this was a very, very bad choice of car.
Martin looked at James, his expression conveying a look of ‘did you not just hear my disgust?’. He tried to get his message across once more: “Are you taking the fucking piss?”
James’ smug smile continued. “Nope, because I have faith in this thing”.
“That’s not the kind of faith you should trust in” said Seb, coming over quite religious.
What James had decided to go for was a 1998 Series 1 Enactor Estate Roamer, in LSE V8 trim. So long as it had been kept in good nick, that meant this was probably a safe bet for a massive off road trek such as this, and certainly the best option if you wanted to stay comfortable.
But as anyone with even the slightest knowledge of British cars over the last 20 years knew, Estate Roamers had a habit of a) not being kept as well as they should be and b) being packed with lots of equipment that was too ahead of its time to have been designed reliably, affordably and could easily be maintained. Case in point, this Corporate Grey coloured example.
James showed the other lads the inside. “Look, I know what you’re thinking Martin. But I have worked this through”.
What Seb and Martin discovered was a ripped out interior, with none of the leather-clad seats or button-splattered dashboard. Almost all of it was gone, save for the dials and the chunky 90s steering wheel.
“See, the biggest thing that goes wrong on these old beasts is the electronics. You know that, of course” he said, directed at Martin, who was recalling the time a customer came into his garage with an Estate Roamer whose windows would not wind down if the car had been unlocked via the remote locking on the key fob even if the ignition had been engaged.
“So I got rid of all of it. I just chopped out all of the clunky electronics, the security, the lot” explained James, proudly.
Seb and Martin’s faces turned more aghast.
“But what about the onboard computer thingy?” queried Seb.
“Well, thankfully, that old bugger is too simple for its own good. So long as it gets an electronic signal from some form of ignition, it turns on the engine and works properly”. James was explaining everything in terms that clearly made him feel clever to say. Martin, however, worried that he was speaking complete and utter rubbish.
James had replaced the ignition with some generic part and wide it all himself. The central locking had been removed whilst gutting out the interior, meaning the old key was only used to open the doors manually. In theory - and that really does just mean in theory - this would work.
At least, it worked in a garage in the temperate climate of western England. As for how it would cope in the Bolivian rainforest and across the Andes was another question. And it wasn’t like the rest of the car was in great condition; the Erin NS8-B 3.8l V8 was seriously showing it’s age (though Martin was secretly glad that he would at least have an idea of how to work on it given his experience with Erins) and down on about 30/40 hp; the body work was iffy to say the least, with the supposedly corrosion-resistant steel chassis and panels looking thoroughly bashed about; and as for that Erin-derived all-wheel drive system, well, the service history was not promising.
“If this fucks up, you’re dead to me” said Seb.
“I know. It’s a risk” said James.
“At least you’re being honest” Seb replied.
“I should also warn you guys that it wasn’t cheap” mumbled James. He knew that line was going to go down like a lead balloon.
Martin sighed. “How much?”
“Well we have just shy of £90 left to spend” said James, tentatively.
Martin raised his eyebrows. Seb gave a glum stare into the distance.
Still, at least they already knew it wasn’t going to be an unventful adventure for Southend Or Bust…
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It’ll be even less uneventful when the team of rental-bashing lunatics decide to drive into you a couple times, mostly to recreate the ever-hilarious Top-Gear hilarity.
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You should be glad they don’t hold grudges for that long 
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Range Rover much? Jk, I’ve made much more blatant Chinese-knockoff BMW’s.
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ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION
This is your very rare chance to become the owner of this unique version of the Tobotar Nano Rally. The 1800 GLXi ´86, with 2647 miles on the clock. Its model number 1 of just 5 Rally-spec versions, with the turbo-tuned and torquey improved 1.8 I5 engine and the sports GLX bodykit in “overripe yellow”. The 4 speed automatic gearbox helps with driveability and also pretty good acceleration from 0 to 60. Its combines easy handling and great rallying in one and all this is for just 10,150$ fix. So don’t miss your chance! Grab your phone and call me now!
just 10,150$
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And it’s perfect for 1980 victory freeze frames! What’s not to like?
Might be the camera angles, but that is a hatchback body, correct? If so, it’d be interesting to see how it stacks up to a lifted wagon body like the Nash’s. Even if their respective engines are like dia y noche…
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correct, it is a hatchback body. I hope someone is interested in buying it to see the result against the other cars. 
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Team WAC - Who Actually Cares
Driver - Luke ‘Disqualified Prior’ Prior
After being disqualified from driving in the UK for totally non street racing reasons the amazing driver returns with no offroad skills whatsoever…
Backup Driver / Navigator - James Ferguesson
Nothing really special about him - other than his addiction to buying rather shitty cars
Mechanic - George Steel
After being discharged from the REME for his tenancies to oversleep in the worst of times he ended up meeting Luke in the pub who hired him for his amazing vehicle knowhow.
The Wife - Jessica Prior
After promises of an exotic honeymoon Luke decided to bring his wife along, she is a chef and will be preparing food for the team.
Somewhere in Central Oxford
Luke is browsing the Amazonian classifieds when he receives an email from one of his old racing sponsors. He opens the email that informs him of a Brazilian Drug Lord trying to sell his personal offroad vehicle specially modified for driving to his drug farms deep in the rainforest. Luke opens the attached images to take a closer look at the vehicle.
At this moment George enters the room. He reads the technical specs of the car and in amazement says “A 6 cylinder, fuel injected '81 Limo with kifted suspension and 4 wheel drive - I’d buy it mate, plus those old LLA engines are bulletproof - Not that i’ve actually shot bullets at one” Luke turns around in his chair, his face lighting up. with his excitement he utters “Well at $11,428 it seems a bargain” At this point Luke’s soon to be at the time Wife walks in, she is sat looking at the screen when Luke flips to a shot of the interior. Gasping Luke rushes her away - giving George the look to buy the car
To Be Continued
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Alright, there’s the other limo. Drugs versus fuel starvation; which sin provides the best luxury limo off-roading capability…? 
Alright, thanks for clarifying, much appreciated. 
I have a soft spot for family runabouts that can tackle rough terrains much better than most of today’s gaudy faux-SUVs. So heck, even I’d buy it. But, you know, lifted wagon. As someone who built the Nash as an AMC Eagle expy, I must uphold that honor…
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Operation BIRD
june 27th; 10:38 in the morning
at Tonsom´s house
While clicking through various web-pages in search for a car, he stumbles upon this.
Tonsom: “Well… it has four doors… it seems to have good power and an automatic…”
A short pause…
Tonsom: [shouting] “CONNOR! We´re leaving! I´ve got a car for us!”
Connor: [calm] “Coming, Captain.”
Tonsom grabs the phone and calls the number on the advert.
beeep… beeep… beeep…
Other end: “Hello?”
Tonsom: “Yeah… i saw your advert on the car…”
Other end: “Ohh… the Tobotar Nano, the greatest Rally car to get me as the driver.”
Tonsom: “Yeah whatever… is there a way to test-drive that thing?”
Other end: “Well… if you want to make sure on getting this beast of mine? Yeah…”
Tonsom: “Well… where to meet?”
Other end: [names a barely understandable location]
Tonsom: [confused; to Connor] “You know where that is?”
Other end: “who are you talking to??”
Connor: “Yes.”
Tonsom: “Alright… we´ll see you there.”
Other end: “you won´t regret it”
june 30th; 8:21 in the evening
some back street nobody really knows
The test drive is done without much talking between characters.
After that, Tonsom grabs a bundle of bills and hands it over to the seller.
Tonsom: “Here ya go. Exactly 10,150$. Gotta get a beer to celebrate the sale…”
The seller: “You´ll have great fun in this!”
the three head of on their newly aquired vehicle wilt the seller leaves on foot…
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I Guess only time will tell. But to make the car cheaper and to simulate a ruined interior I set the seats to -7 quality
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Ah, someone used the back seat as a replacement for the old casting couch, then. That’ll smell great in the hot jungle.
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Wow, whoever Mr. Lord Of The Drugs was, he certainly didn’t host normal limo parties. What was he doing back there, Rio’s Carnival parade!?
Also, Tonsom’s racing, huh…? (rubs hands together) Oh how good will this revenge taste if the Nash beats him to the punch. This will be for the Gimny, accursed man!
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You don’t want to know what sort of terrible terrible things happened back there. A small chunk of the budget may have to go towards some deep cleaning or air fresheners…
There may be a little blood from loss of body parts, some a little more horrifying than others…
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This is what you get for buying a car from a guy named “Two-bit Tony”…
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