Hm, I don’t know if I am too dumb, but I don’t know why I am out. 
Okay, I read that the Paginza’s suspension collapsed in stage 3. But how is that reflected in the spreadsheet? I see the Paginza on P10 in stage 3… Can anybody explain? 
2 Likes
Goes back to when I had to fix the times after s3, basically before that the Paginza and Mud Masters had injury rolls above 104. When I changed it I said this
2 Likes
Rental Wreckers
Previous Post - Stage 3 - “Everything’s Goin’ Up!”
“Wait, those are the guys who’ve been doing the whole updates for this race, right?” Cody asked, pointing at the back of the Nash Grand-Prize-Enabler in front of them. Jake nodded, then said, “Yep, that’s Aston’s Orc Krew. Looks like we’re going to pass them.”
“They said we were out in an earlier report. Sure, they corrected it, but can you show 'em just how in it we still are?” Cody asked, giving his trademark stupid grin. Jake grinned back, then yanked the stick into Sport, slid it over to the left, and promptly dropped a gear before belting the Travette’s turbocharged engine, the three-cylinder beast opening up with a muted, hissing roar, somewhat like the cross between a loud motorcycle and a turbocharged rattlesnake.
Instantly, the Travette responded, and as they passed, Jake honked the horn while Cody waved at Team AOK, the little rental scampering past the modified Nash.
Once they were suitably ahead, Jake popped it back into Drive and let the car figure out what gear it should be in for the rest of the journey, suitably pleased that they’d managed to pass someone.
(It’s all on you for your reaction to being passed by the shitbox, @Nicking_HC.)
5 Likes
Welp… ( i know i am a bit late but, meh…)
Rest In Pepperonis HTA GA700 1978 - 2018.
#NeverForgetti.
4 Likes
It’s awesome to see ABOPCO Racing moving up with every stage after the issue in the first stage. Moving up six spots since stage two, and breaking into the top 20 is definitely deemed an accomplishment in their eyes. There may not be a top ten finish, but moving into the final round a top 15 looks pretty promising. Unless I just jinxed myself. Only time will tell.
Team Canon Fodder
“Dude, did you see the way we blasted past that Ranger there?” Devin grinned.
Ollie laughed heartily. “Yeah, dude! That was awesome!”
“I’m gonna keep pushing it.”
"Dude, make them eat dust!
2 hours later
“Man, I’ve got so much sand in my crack.”
Devin winced and shifted. He, too, had a buttcrack full of moist desert sand. Though the extreme exfoliation was worth it; somehow they were leading the pack.
8 Likes
K I’m going to assume Ricky and Bobby died.
Team Run N Gun
The Andes, Chile. 28th August 2018.
There was electricity in the air, a tangible buzz, as we broke camp; The finish line was nearby! We needed the money badly but we needed to survive more, which was why, despite our best efforts, we fell back out of the ten fastest teams although we were able to put pressure on Team Lights and Sounds. Their little abomination of a Keika proved to be too fast to pass so we ducked and weaved in their wake, hoping to distract the driver or cause an unforced error on the Keika’s part. The excitement of our chase of the Keika meant that we didn’t witness the end of The Beastly CMV, apparently they lost control and tumbled down the other side of the volcano! We never found out if they were alive or dead so I’m hoping the somehow they were thrown clear of their car and survived with only minor cuts and bruises…
We pressed on, hard on the tail of the Keika the whole way, when we arrived at Azapa. In deference to the locals health and well being, we eased off the pace while passing through the town. This action unfortunately claimed the scalp of Team Bakewell Bălțata, who having been fatigued by the long arduous competition, mis-timed the clutch with the downshift and killed their gearbox! Not the most flamboyant manner in which to DNF but at least they’re alive, so it’s a win overall!
We made camp for the final time and Ben and I were feeling strangely nervous; there’d been no sign of the FSB the entire race and the GAR wan’t living up to the legacy of its '95 predecessor… I found it hard to sleep, even the smallest of noises startled me awake, just one more day and we’re free to live out our lives without fear of a FSB goon squad or rival smugglers, but I couldn’t help but worry. The organisers had something still hidden up their sleeve, something big, something BAD…
RIP
The Beastly CMV
Team Bakewell Bălțata
TO BE CONTINUED
8 Likes
Aston's Orc Krew: Crusin' For a Wreckin'
Meanwhile, near Azapa…
Jack: Alright, only a few more miles to go. If the helo’s report is right, Operation BIRD got messed up by the Merkur. They didn’t crash out, but they lost a lot of time. We may actually beat the other wagon…
Jack (looking at rearview mirror): …I think you need to beat something else before that, Jack. We got company.
A silver Autozone Special cometh!
Sly (looking through the Nash’s rear windshield): The Travette!
Jack: Oh we are NOT doing this shit again. If they try to wreck us, I’ll sidestep and slam their ass off the road if I have to!
Hugh: Actually Rambo, they are actively going for an overtake. How about we answer their drive with our drive?
Jack: Sounds fine by me. I ain’t lettin’ Grandma’s cream pie carrier beat my car…
The Nash swerves left and right, trying to answer each of the Travette’s attempts at overtaking. The Travette tries to counter, but both teams are at a standoff. Suddendly, as the Nash is swerving right, the Travette backs off…
Jack: We’re losing them! Something is off with their ride. It’s a victory for the Aston. Looks like those three exhausts do fuck all for their driving skill.
Sly: Is their car having trouble?
Apparently not, Sly. As the Nash completes its swerve, the Travette rapidly perks up, picking up speed and reaching the Nash from the left side! As the sedan sounds like a Daihatsu Charade on crack and Michael Madsen’s voice, Cody waves in a salute-esque way to AOK. Jack, with the window down, responds with the tried-and-tested method of giving Cody an extended… birdy greeting, if you catch my slide.
Despite only giving away 2hp to Rental Wreckers, the Nash doesn’t have the luxury of turbocharging, and the Travette escapes…
Hugh: You’re a bonafied Pete Amon, kid.
Jack: Guess the guys can’t take an info mishap sitting. Dammit! Not only we’re failing to get closer to the Mimas, now we got taken by the freakin’ junker rental runnin’ an auto. This race is getting worse before it’s getting beter…
Sly: Well we did call their demise when the co-driver was just nursing injuries…
Jack: Because apparently all those damm comics you read don’t make you run a teleprompter right, dipshit!
Sly: Hey, the helo team was the one who misunderstood the race report, not me!
Hugh: Cut it out, you two. To be fair Jack, I was expecting you to slam the dash like a jackhammer. Did you go soft because those guys got into a machete fight?
Jack: Me, soft? The next stage might be soft, yeah. (grins)
Sly: Why do you say that, Jack?
Jack: There’s still one more stage to go. And we’re not running on even sand, but dunes. Big, bumpy dunes. We’ll see how far that AutoZone special can go with next to no ride height… Here’s hoping their machete can double as a shovel.
To Be Continued!
Well, @Madrias, here is the answer. Here’s hoping it was a suitable follow-up to the most unexpectedly epic battle in history!
5 Likes
Team ‘Southend Or Bust’
Banarama Atacama - In the desert, you don’t remember your name
Seb was at the wheel, and really pushing the Estate Roamer to its limits. James had worked out how to get past the “bloody Commie bastards” (still using his fake gruff military accent), namely the AAU, whilst he was navigator on the previous stint, and they were now gaining serious time on them thanks to some short-cutting.
“See Martin, where’s the worry?” said James, sitting in the back and helping himself to some second breakfast. Naturally, being by far and away the most adept cook of the three, he’d managed to blag some local baked treats whilst back in La Paz.
“Mate you know what I’m like” Martin replied jokingly, sitting in the passenger’s seat. Of course though, while he sounded like he was joking, he was still worrying like no tomorrow.
“Ha” James replied, “even I’m surprised it’s got this far without much of a hitch”.
“It’s got us into a high end position” said Seb, fumbling his English once again.
“A what?” said Martin, confused.
“As in a good place. As in we’re in 5th at the moment I think?” said Seb.
“Oh I’m with you now” said Martin “Yeah, it’s doing wonders for us”.
Sure it was very, very far from comfortable, but out here on the rough and unforgiving landscape of the Atacama, the Estate Roamer was proving its worth, more as an off roader instead of a Chelsea Tractor, which was saying something.
If the boys wanted to win, however, they still had to close down the top three. But given how close together they were and how much time the Roamer was making up on each stage, they were determined to push it for everything they’d got.
“Right, time for desert music” James burst out all of a sudden, having been silently flicking through his iPhone for the last few minutes. Seb and Martin sighed.
“This playlist better be good okay, we’re not having another argument like we did with Springsteen and Lady GaGa like we did back on the Go West race” said Seb.
“Er, that’s The Boss to you” said James in his patronising tone. It was a common line from the Brit.
He tapped play, and the echoey metallic sounds of the The Cult’s A Flower In The Desert came across the last remnants of the Harmon Kardon sound system.
“Who is this?” questioned Seb.
“The Cult!” said James cheerily, quickly turning his voice to venomous satiricalness. “Martin ought to know”.
Martin turned around and stared back. “We’re not having this argument again, and certainly not here”.
Seb cracked up laughing. They’d made it almost 4 days together without the tetchy subject of James being jealous of Martin’s girlfriend coming up, but here at last the cards were on the table.
“Mate, this is ridiculous. Have you made this playlist just to spite me or something?” fired back Martin.
Seb continued laughing. He was pissing himself laughing because the gist argument had been going on ever since they all first went out on a night out together, where it was very evident that Seb was the best at pulling, causing Martin and James to spar over who was ‘second best’, something that, as was evident here, was yet to be resolved.
“Spite you? Hardly. I’m just making a point” James said, smarmily.
“About what?!” raged Martin, now properly twisting himself round the seat to face the other lad.
“About your stupid ‘ooh look at us we like indie music’ conversations you have with her” James said in a hugely sarcastic, childlike tone. “And all those stupid new band t-shirts you’ve started buying since you’ve been seeing her”
“Dude just because I love The 1975 does not mean we need to argue about what me and her talk about” - The 1975 point going back to another argument they’d had.
“Oh it’s love now, is it?” returned James. “God I didn’t realise you were such a sap, look what she’s done to you!”
“MATE” Martin shouted back, “we agreed that we were all gonna go out and wingman for you, I thought we settled this”. Seb continued to laugh his arse off.
“Why don’t you just admit the truth James” said Martin, returning the smarminess that often made James a right PITA.
“Excuse me?” James said back. Seb’s expression dropped, he couldn’t wait for the next line.
“Yeah, the truth” said Martin, bouying with confidence. “That you’re not really angry about me being in a relationship, you’re angry because she likes the same music as you secretly do”
“No, no, no” said James, shaking his head, though Martin kept talking over him,
“Because” said Martin, turning back to Seb briefly as the Spaniard negotiated some particular rough terrain, “mister ‘Ni**as in Paris is my jam’ is secretly a diehard fan of the The Xcerts, Blossoms AND Catfish” he said proudly.
“Mate, fuck off, no…” James tried to begin. The debacle was far from over, though given that Seb knew were he was going, at least he had plenty of entertainment for the journey.
10 Likes
Team Dirt Warriors, Part 4
The westward run towards the coast turned out to be very enjoyable, even though the Dirt Warriors had fallen even further towards the tail of the field. But since they entered this race purely for fun, they never cared about their final placement in the slightest. By now, their only long-term priority was to reach the finish line of the fifth stage intact, what with the end of the GAR now imminent.
Getting to the finish line of the stage before that put them closer to that objective. That was when Geoff and Stan began discussing the fates of those who did not reach the latest waypoint…
“It seems the Beastly CMV is not here - it must have crashed out earlier and fallen off a cliff for good measure.”
“That might explain their absence, and the fact that it wasn’t as suited to rough terrain even after extensive modifications makes that theory much more plausible.”
“As for the Pajura… That car didn’t crash out, so I suspect its crew money shifted at the worst possible time and grenaded the engine.”
“So they went out with a whimper instead of a bang like all the other non-finishers.”
“I’ve heard enough tales of failed attempts to complete this off-road rally. Let’s just concentrate on our main priority - which is successfully finishing the race.”
And as the Dirt Warriors retreated to their tent to rest up, they could not help but wonder about the possible permutations of the final stage.
7 Likes
Team Bakwell Bălțata
“I’m never ever taking that again” said Charlie thinking back to the long escapade with the little blue triangle.
“You effing said it” replied Johnny moving up and down with the suspension travel. “If Mikey back at the shop says anything about being high i’ll direct him to the Guallitiri Volcano”
“You mean his totally true chronicles of his weed infused exploits” followed Charlie.
“Yes exactly that, how I’m going to look forward to hearing those stories again when we get back” replied Johnny smirking.
“What do you mean, they’re a detailed retelling of a totally accurate series of events” poked Charlie.
“Oh yeah sure thing didn’t you here about that time he managed to evade a policeman in a motorway pursuit in a standard Conte Estrato?” said Johnny raising his eyebrows.
“No I must have missed that one” replied Charlie exaggerating a frown.
“You really missed out there mate” said Johnny holding in a wide grin.
_
The Pajura soldiered on bouncing over mounds and dipping into potholes and eventually slowed down into Azapa then the unmistakable sound of 24 Valves bursting through the rocker covers and the nasty metallic sound of a gearbox being lunched the car skidded and came to a halt as a cloud of dust encircled the car.
Many frustrated kicks at the car and consoling followed but the conclusion was that the car was “fucked” in the words of Johnny. The two sat at the side of the road as the racers went buy some with understanding faces but the majority were happy to gain another place. The journey in the Romanian rattle box had come to a grinding halt.
Thanks Computah for a really superb challenge it really lived up to the Great Automation run name 
.
8 Likes
Operation BIRD
August 27th 2018; 5:56; morning
Again, sleep was minimal for the members of Operation BIRD, but having cought up on it well, there was little need for wasting time anyway. Not having set up camp made departure much quicker.
Connor remains to be the driver, but Redwood insisted on choosing the music this time. Soo… this started playing via a specially-made tape for the tape-deck of the Mimas.
As they take off, the Eurobeat blasting the more or less good speakers, Redwood is in a real good mood. Much better than Tonsom…
Tonsom: “What the fuck is that music?”
Redwood: “You never heard of Eurobeat?”
Tonsom: “Well… apparently not… You wanna explain or what?”
Redwood: “Eurobeat is basically THE new music since Initial D became popular again.”
Tonsom: [
] “Wait… wasn´t it that TV show where everyone was driving mountain passes while drifting every single corner?”
Redwood: “Exactly that!”
Tonsom: [
]“Whatever… not a huge fan of it, but just let it run through to make the little kiddo happy…”
The Eurobeat running, Connor driving the next hours go by with few events of interest. At some point, a Merkur pops up in the rearview mirror, flashing their high-beams at the Mimas.
Redwood: “Wait… they flashed us. We have been challenged!”
Tonsom: [a bit nervous] “What do you mean by challenged?”
Redwood: “A street race! That is how it is done on Japan´s passes. If two racers meet, the car behind can challenge the car ahead to a street race by flashing them. Now we eeither accept it by flooring our car, or decline by moving out of the way.”
Tonsom: “Well… it is a race, after all… and to keep our cover, we shall accept it. I am not really good with racing, but we have stuff to do and the low-profile is gonna help, i think…”
Connor, having heard this conversation, downshifts the Mimas fron 4th to 3rd (unexpectedly even applying heel-and-toe) and floors the shit out of the car, now driving as fast as the car allows for it.
Redwood: [excited] “Woah! An acual street race! WOOOOOO!”
Tonsom: “Calm the fuck down, or you´ll get us killed!”
The race continues, the Mimas still in front somehow. Connor braked relatively early for an upcoming hairpin, which resulted in the Merkur bumping the Mimas, sending it way further into the turn than anticipated. The Mimas then understeers towards the outside, which Connor tries to correct by applying the handbrake, with less-than optimal luck. The car ends up at the side of the road facing the wrong way.
Tonsom: “The fuck happened??”
Redwood: “They Shingo´d us off the road…”
Tonsom: “They did what off the road?”
Redwood: “They Shingo´d us. Shingo Shoji is a rival of Initial D´s main character, Takumi Fujiwara. Shingo is a very dirty driver, even ramming them to get the win. And since he does that every time, people call ramming someone off the road to Shingo somebody.”
Tonsom: “Well…”
Connor manages to get the car moving again, but great amounts of time were lost on the process…
The rest of Stage 4 remains of little excitement, except for the end being near.
to be continued
OOC:
@Private_Miros you decide if the bump was intentional or not. They´ll think they got Shingo´d either way.
OOC 2:
I thought of Redwood being a Eurobeat/ Initial D fanboy for extended amounts of time… just forgot to include said fanboy…
10 Likes
28-09-2018 - 23pm
Dear Grandfather
We’re not going to win this. We are lagging a few hour behind on the leaders, and I don’t believe we can make up that time.
Kenny has been delirious all day as well; I suspect the combination of all the Viagra and coca leaves was not a smart idea.
Leo hasn’t been quite coherent either, mumbling all kind of things about promises he made and women named after countries.
Things didn’t improve when some hoodlums were playing eurotrash loudly over their radio with the windows open; Leo is more of a jazzman. He flashed them to turn that garbage, as he calls it, down. In respone the other car suddenly sent a cloud of dust in our direction. We almost got off the track.
Despite their aggressive style - and the continuous kboomkabook coming from the windows - they weren’t going particularly fast, so Leo was quite agitated and right on their rear bumper. We might have bumped them when they suddenly braked. But at least after that they seemed to have noticed us throught their noise. They politely (even if rather cockily with that show-off handbrake turn) let us pass - finally.
Your Jan.
6 Likes
apparently not intentional…
and the race seemed to be sparked by misunderstanding.
looks good to me, i like it
4 Likes
22 Likes
Team Dirt Warriors, Part 5
For the Dirt Warriors, this race had been a test of skill and courage - one far greater than any of their previous off-roading adventures. Luckily, after the tense drama of the prior stages, the last part of the race was much more straightforward. Obviously, they fell well short of an overall victory, which the Keystone claimed, but were nonetheless exultant at having conquered some of the most difficult terrain which could ever have been used for any off-road race. But there was still one major question on their minds: what would they do with their truck next?
Geoff: What are we going to do with our Dirt Warrior now that the race is over?
Stan: I suggest leaving it as it is and using it for rock crawling.
Geoff: You might be right. It does have a place in my garage after all.
Stan: Who knows there might be another crazy adventure like the one we just finished? We could bring something else for that one, though.
Geoff: Until then… drive carefully!
And after a grueling rally lasting several thousand miles, the Dirt Warriors finally had a chance to drive off into the sunset towards the nearest major city to catch a flight back home.
3 Likes
Not the first place finish I was hoping for, but a podium is still brilliant.
Congrats to @VicVictory for taking the W. And thanks to @Mr.Computah for hosting a briliant event.
I’ll be sure to write up about my girls finishing the race. This was very enjoyable to both watch and be a part of.
Sadly, comiserations go to those who unfortunately didn’t make it. Hopefully lady luck will be on your side in the future.
3 Likes
Well, that was certainly a result. So much for my plans of world dominations with a lifted wagon… Sometimes going low is better for off-road death races, who knew?
Also, the super-special epilogue for Aston’s Orc Krew will be posted tomorrow. Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to invite the winners (you’ll know your name when we call it 
) to the equally special Last Stage show, to be interviewed by our moronic idiotic intrepid trio!
We’ll have beer, blackjack and… you know the rest. 
3 Likes
at least my low-profile-getting-there-plan worked…
prepare for an EPIC three part epilogue
1 Like