Day 1: Scanning brochures
After a long day in the salon for Melanie, she arrives home to her 4 bedroom, detached house in an upmarket section of Brentwood to find her boyfriend had been spending a lot time doing some initial researching for Melanie to find the Z3’s replacement.
Melanie: “Hey sweetie, you been busy?”
Matt: “Of course luv, been lookin’ into sumfink to replace the Beemer”
Melanie: “I can see, that’s a lot of them things”
Matt: “Them things?”
Melanie: “You know, the book things about the cars”
Matt: “Ah yeah. Anyway, I’ve got one for like everyfink so we’d better start lookin’ at ‘em”
Melanie: “Ugh, first I’m ‘avin a coffee and then we can chat”
After a high dosage of caffeine, Melanie was ready to start looking through all the brochures as well as adverts in the paper to see what caught her eye.
Ferrain Capset Turtle 2.2 V6 295 - Lorenztype
Melanie: “Nah”
Matt: “It’s the chrome…”
Melanie: “It’s everyfink”
Matt: “But what about-”
Melanie: “It’s just fuckin’ everyfink”
Matt: “I’ll tell you sumfink, you’ll love the speed from this”
Melanie: “But it’s bloody ‘orrible”
Matt: “Not even gonna consider?”
Melanie: “I can’t been seen in that, Matt!”
Matt: “I just fink it would be funny”
Melanie: “Don’t make me fuckin’ go batshit on you Matthew, cos I’ll go fuckin’ batshit. The car is fuckin’ shite you get me”
Matt: “Ok”
Unfortunately, the brochure was put in the pile for shredding. Seconds later, Melanie tears the brochure up with her hands.
DiMarino Imperia 325 - abg7
Melanie: “Is this one like Italian or somefink?”
Matt: “Looks like it”
Melanie: “I quite like that yellow as well, it’s so me”
Matt: “It looks like a real good engine, too, and real fast”
Melanie: “But it looks kinda cross-eyed at the back”
Matt: “Wanna keep it?”
Melanie: “I fink I will y’know”
Melanie places the brochure to one side to ring the dealer tomorrow.
Bogliq Maverick AE Resto-Mod - HighOctaneLove
Melanie: “Uh… how old is it?”
Matt: “Proper old”
Melanie: “Nah”
Matt: “Fought so”
Melanie: “It looks cool, I could proper go for that like cowgirl fantasy in like double denim y’know, but it’s too fat, too old and that fuel economy is scary”
Once more, Melanie puts the brochure on the shredding pile.
PMI Dotai Vertigo N1 Cosmopolitan - Private_miros
Matt: “What ‘bout this one luv?”
Melanie: “I’m torn”
Matt: “Ok…”
Melanie: “It looks kinda 90s still and you know I’m all for like the 00s”
Matt: “I sense a but”
Melanie: “It’s orange and that ad looks great, plus still looks real good”
Matt: “Well you’ll like to ‘ear that it is real fast”
Melanie: “I’ll ‘aff to make a decision once I’ve driven it then, I fink”
Melanie studies the brochure once more and places it on the pile to contact tomorrow.
Cordia Spada 40 - conan
Melanie: “Yes”
Matt: “That was quick”
Melanie: “Sexy black cabrio, sign me the fuck up”
Matt: “It’s not the quickest of ‘em all”
Melanie: “Yeah, but it ‘as a V8 so good noises and four big, comfy seats for all me mates”
Matt: “But-”
Melanie: “I don’t fuckin’ care Matt”
Melanie snatches the brochure off of Matt and places it on the good pile.
LLA Minx 40 Limited - LinkLuke
Matt: “Now I know what ya gonna say but-”
Melanie: “Don’t care”
Matt: “But-”
Melanie: “I wanna new car, Imma get a new car, not some old shit”
Matt: “Ugh”
Melanie: “Don’t fuckin’ start Matt, it looks great n’ everyfink but it’s too old, too small, uses too much fuel. I don’t like it”
Melanie grabs the brochure, glares at Matt, and puts it in for the shredder.
Ninomiya XFR SSR-T (6MT) - Urbanliner
Melanie: “Jeez, nearly spat out me coffee”
Matt: “Is that good or bad?”
Melanie: “That blue, stunnin’. The car looks like a Ferrari. It looks like real cool”
Matt: “Good then. It’s also proper quick and ain’t bad on fuel”
Melanie: “What’s not to luv then!”
Beaming, Melanie carefully places the brochure on the pile for contacting.
Erin Tauga Coupe Lex 3.0l - DeusExMackia
Matt: “I like this one luv”
Melanie: “Mmm… okay”
Matt: “Wot?”
Melanie: “I suppose, yeah. Looks good, great colour, real fast”
Matt: “Why do you sound unsure?”
Melanie: “I have no idea, cos it looks like it could be the best”
Matt: “I shouldn’t have said anyfink”
Melanie: “Yea baby, perhaps I don’t wanna get sumfink you like”
Matt: “And fuck you too”
Matt himself places the brochure on the good pile while Melanie just smiles.
Sofa S1100-T - nerd
Melanie: “That is disgusting”
Matt: “This must’ve ended up ‘ere by mistake”
Melanie: “I feel kinda sick”
Matt: “Fuck me the stats are ‘orrible”
Melanie: “It looks fuckin’ ‘orrible”
Melanie grabs the shredder and gets rid of the brochure immediately.
HRM Gak Convertible V12 - HardRooster
Melanie: “Stop with the old cars, fuckin’-”
Matt: “But this is different”
Melanie: “It. Looks. Old”
Matt: “But it looks great, maybe not the wheels, it has a V12, great interior, enuff speed, space for 4-”
Melanie: “I agree, it sounds great, but I want a new car”
Matt: “It is and it’s good”
Melanie: “Well if you love it so much why don’t you fuckin’ buy it for yourself?”
Melanie snatches the brochure and places it on the shredding pile, only for Matt to take it off of there and keep it for himself.
Dragini Jaruo Turbo S - Vri404
Melanie: “A Dragini what now?”
Matt: “J-j-ja-, eh whatevah”
Melanie: “Well I’m not dissin’ the look and that purple colour looks nice too”
Matt: “Shame ‘bout the performance, look”
Melanie: “Ah, the Audi’s quicker than that but it’s nearly as good on fuel”
Matt: “So…”
Melanie: “Nah, too slow and I can’t say it proper either”
Melanie places it on the shredding pile.
Enactor Estate Roamer (MkI) Sport - Leonardo9613
Melanie: “Wait, why’ve you got the Estate Roamer ‘ere?”
Matt: “They’ve got a sport one and I sorta fink maybe it was worth it?”
Melanie: “Well I love these things, but sport?”
Matt: “Yeah”
Melanie: “There’s only one fing for it then”
Matt: “Which is?”
Melanie: “I must drive this”
Melanie, beaming, places this on the contact pile.
Keika Twist 2.2+ - BoostandEthanol
Melanie: “Luv that purple”
Matt: “Yea but what about the car”
Melanie: “I mean it’s look kinda old but I still like it. Pretty quick as well”
Matt: “It looks proper posh inside”
Melanie: “One thing that worries me is, although I ain’t caring ‘bout safety, I don’t wanna smash me face in if I do crash”
Matt: “You mean when…”
Melanie: “Shut up Matt”
Matt: “Are we keeping it or wot?”
Melanie: “I fink I’ll ‘ave to drive it to decide”
Another brochure for the pile to contact about test driving
Luxor Privateer - LS-Vehicles
Melanie: “I’m not so sure about the way this looks, seems too American”
Matt: “But you must check out this interior”
Melanie: “Oh wow, that looks proper nice and it doesn’t seem too slow”
Matt: “What should we do?”
Melanie: “I just don’t ‘fink I could run around in sumfink like that y’know”
Melanie decides to scrap the brochure, placing it on the shredding pile.
EcaMobile Jackpot V12 - mikonp7
Melanie: “That name is awful”
Matt: “Stop judging shit and look at the stats”
Melanie: “I do hope it’s not green only”
Matt: “Mel!”
Melanie: “Fine. Let’s see. V12. Oh ok. 4 big comfy seats. Nice. Good performance. I’m impressed”
Matt: “See”
Melanie: “Yea but it’s still a shit name”
Matt: “Ugh! We keepin’ it?”
Melanie: “You know what, I will”
Melanie gives the brochure a strange look and places it on the contact pile.
Giuseppe GS Roadster - undercoverhardwareman
Melanie: “No, don’t like it”
Matt: “Don’t surprise me really”
Melanie: “Front looks dated, rear looks like future and it looks cheap”
Matt: “I don’t see the roadster element either”
Melanie: “Forget it”
Melanie places the brochure on the shredding pile.
FABEL Betelgeuse Cabrio - MrChips
Melanie: “Yet another one I can’t say proper”
Matt: “Why do you even care about the name?”
Melanie: “Dunno. Car looks a bit borin’ and I’m not sure I like proper like it anyway”
Matt: “Yea but a proper nice interior and for four of ya”
Melanie: “I suppose”
Matt: “You ain’t convinced are ya?”
Melanie: “Not really, I fink it’ll ‘ave to go”
Matt: “You sure?”
Melanie: “Yep”
With the shredding pile getting ominously tall and lopsided, Melanie creates a second shredding pile.
TSR Kansai RS - Aaron.W
Melanie: “Oh that’s a lovely red”
Matt: “Other than that?”
Melanie: “I kinda find it borin’ lookin’, like we’ve seen a load better cars already”
Matt: “It’s pretty quick though you gotta admit”
Melanie: “Yeah but I don’t fink it makes up for the way it makes me feel”
Matt: “Makes you feel?”
Melanie: “Yeah it ain’t turnin’ me on”
Matt: “Oh”
Melanie places the brochure on the shredding pile.
JHW Aura 2.6S - JohnWadlock
Melanie: “Aw, this one is kinda cute and quirky, I like it”
Matt: “You like that?”
Melanie: “Yeah, and not just that but I fink the speed and fuel economy is pretty good too”
Matt: “Not the best looking of interiors though”
Melanie: “I could live with that”
Melanie takes the brochure and advert and places it on the pile for contacting.
Hugi Griffonne - Nicking_HC
Melanie: “Why are there so many cars with names like this?”
Matt: “Like what?”
Melanie: “Like not proper”
Matt: “Well I dunno”
Melanie: “Besides, I don’t like the way it looks and the fuel economy is just no good so take it away please”
Matt: “That was bloody quick”
Melanie: “Yeah, so?”
Matt places the brochure on the shredding pile.
Ios RL280 - machalel
Melanie: “Why is it like kinda bug eye?”
Matt: “It’s not that bad”
Melanie: “Well, it’s that and kinda bland so not real convincing, and I can’t say the ad is ‘elpin any more”
Matt: “It’s got decent speed and decent economy”
Melanie: “Yeah, but that car ain’t my cuppa tea”
Melanie takes the brochure and places it onto the shredding pile.
Rodely Resto 1.8t - DukeOFhazards
Melanie: “It’s a no”
Matt: “Already?”
Melanie: “I don’t mind small, but this is too small. It’s also too old”
Matt: “Great fuel economy though love”
Melanie: “Yeah, and the car is cute and the interior is posh but I couldn’t give two shits ‘bout that right now”
Melanie takes the brochure and slams it down on the second shredding pile.
Sara Riviera - flop404
Melanie: “Ugh! No!”
Matt: “Could’ve guess that”
Melanie: “‘Ave you like left the bad ones for the end or sumfink?”
Matt: “No, look, the car ain’t that bad it’s just old lookin’”
Melanie: “I agree, and I’ve made it bloomin’ clear I ain’t ‘avin that”
Getting angry, Melanie once more slams a further brochure onto the shredding pile.
Matteo Miglia Legatus Aperta Speciale - strop
Melanie: “Kinda sexy car in kinda sexy blue, that’s my foughts”
Matt: “Not just that, but the economy is amazin’ and it looks proper fast”
Melanie: “I’m just findin’ the front looks a bit meh”
Matt: “Yeah but everyfink else makes up for that”
Melanie: “You ain’t wrong, I wanna drive this”
Matt: “I do as well”
Melanie: “Ha, you can fuckin’ fink again ‘bout drivin’ it”
Matt: “Wait wotsit called?”
Melanie: “Shut up bitch it’s got your name in it and it’s sound sporty”
Melanie rather exuberantly places the brochure on the contact pile
Maesima Exestis Turbo 2.0 - Rk38
Melanie: “Nah”
Matt: “For the price-”
Melanie: “Just nah”
Matt: “It kinda makes me-”
Melanie: “Eh, just nah”
Matt: “And lookin’ at-”
Melanie: “Just fuckin’ no already”
Matt: “But why though?”
Melanie: “It’s just not nice enough, too cheap, not quick enough… many reasons”
Matt: “Ok then”
Melanie, annoyed, places the brochure on the shredding pile.
GSW Interceptor 4000 - bastormonger
Melanie: “I’m proper unsure about this one”
Matt: “Why’s that then?”
Melanie: “Well the car’s lookin’… interesting. And it’s like Ferrari quick for far less money”
Matt: “But…”
Melanie: “I’m not ‘ard up or anyfink but it’s gonna cost an arm and a leg to run, and it seems too basic inside”
Matt: “So…”
Melanie: “I feel like I’m not gonna like it, except the speed”
Melanie, somewhat reluctantly, drops the brochure on the shredding pile.
Albatross 300S - ZSCHMEEZ
Melanie: “Oh wow borin’”
Matt: “Yeah I agree it ain’t exactly fun lookin’”
Melanie: “I mean, the car seems pretty quick but that’s all it is”
Matt: “Even I’m not that interested in it”
Melanie: “Yeah let’s not with this one”
Melanie places the brochure on the shredding pile.
Jormungandr - Chickenbiscuit
Melanie & Matt: 
Absolutely terrified, Melanie places the brochure directly into the shredder and has persistent nightmares for the following fortnight.
Kimura Helruna LCi 2.0 Convertible - titleguy1
Matt: “Just quickly luv, I found one on the computah earlier”
Melanie: “Oh cute, nice blue and the car looks great”
Matt: “I’ve got a few fings I ain’t sure about though for ya”
Melanie: “Such as?”
Matt: “It ain’t that quick at all and it ain’t that posh either”
Melanie: “Lemme look and I’ll tell you”
A few moments later
Melanie: “Yeah, car’s nice lookin’ but not posh enough and it certainly ain’t quick enough. A shame, I ‘ave a soft spot for that blue”
Melanie closes Internet Explorer and places it in the recycle bin, picks up the computer and puts it on the shredding pile. Matt then puts everything back again.
Komodo Quarte - koolkei
Melanie: “Brown?”
Matt: “Stop fuckin’ judging shit by it’s colour”
Melanie: “Ugh, fine”
Matt: “So…”
Melanie: “Well, comfy lookin’, space for four plus shoppin’, meh speed, design is fine and…”
Matt: “And…”
Melanie: “Is that economy a typo?”
Matt: “Uh… don’t think so”
Melanie: “I fink overall it’s worth drivin’ y’know”
Melanie places the brochure on the contact pile.
Mosport Arrow Y2K - thecarlover
Melanie: “I’m likin’ the look of this one, even if the colour-”
Matt: “Ignore the colour, that can be changed”
Melanie: “I know, I get it, shut it. Anyway, seems quick enough, seems nice inside, seems like real sporty”
Matt: “I quite like it as well”
Melanie: “I fink this one is worth drivin’ as well”
Smiling, Melanie places the brochure on the contact pile.
Falcon Dynamo S+ - Chipskate
Melanie: “I’m in love”
Matt: “So that’s a yes”
Melanie: “Four plush seats for me and the mates, some room for shoppin’ if not much, V8 engine for the sweet sounds, it looks fantastic. I fuckin’ love it.”
Matt: “So that’s a yes then.”
Melanie: “I so wanna drive this one”
Getting giddy, Melanie places the brochure on the contact pile.
Upon placing the Falcon Dynamo on the contact pile, Melanie realises that all the brochures had been scanned through and there were no more possiblities.
Melanie: “Well that was fun, ‘ow many ‘ave we got?”
Matt: “A good amount ‘ere, I fink it’s thirteen”
Melanie: “Thirteen, shit that’s not good”
Matt: “Stop bein’ a superst… superstit… whatevah. Thirteen is OK”
Melanie: “Yeah but what if I die?”
Matt: “Ugh, no”
Melanie: “Alright, but if I die it ain’t my fault”
After this, Melanie and Matt grabbed the shredder and got rid of all the unnecessary brochures for the cars Melanie didn’t like and grabbed another coffee before settling down for the rest of the day, awaiting the busy day they had ahead driving their choices.
Test drives will be posted later on Saturday in my time zone, with final purchase shortly after
try the version from Goodwood
Looking forward to see the results later!