The Douche Meter, Automation Edition

There’s quite a bit to go through already. I may not be able to address it all.

@Awildgermanappears: Skywarp Turbo II seems like the car for fairly serious enthusiasts (and plain nutjobs), but not so much douche as the default LV which looks like a ricer’s dream. I’d put it along the same lines of the kind of JDM car that people love to turbo, badge up, chop it and drop it and put all kinds of bodykits on, then take it street drifting yo. That’s at least an 8, by the time we hit 2016.

@titleguy1: Rennen’s a company that builds luxury sports cars, for those who appreciate sports cars, but not as exorbitantly priced as Mercedes. I agree with the sentiment of respect, given its focus, but in a sense the whole sports car lineup thing actually reminds me slightly of BMW. But I hesitate to call drivers of Rennen as douchey as BMW :stuck_out_tongue: That said, if you’re competing with Audi, BMW and Mercedes, the douche is pretty damn strong with you, even if you’re a less douchey version of all the above.

@rcracer11m: I find it hard to judge cars solely from the 40s, as I have no knowledge of the market from that time. But that seems like a focus on cheap performance would bring all the boys (and the douche) to the yard :stuck_out_tongue:

@koolkei: I don’t actually think a magnesium block makes for douche, but it sure is a bit of a quirky engineering choice. It has potential for some modding, so the score would actually depend on the nature of the mods and the popularity. I actually hesitate to automatically attribute points to popular mod cars, because sometimes it doesn’t make the car any worse or harder to tolerate on the road e.g. I’m just not sure how douche a well-balanced turbo on your Miata is.

@BobLoblaw: Good lord the Montauk RTX Aero looks like a douche magnet. The restoration factor could go either way, just like the argument in the original thread.

@findRED19: the AEA Orela is just begging to be boosted with such an anaemic engine! It’d be pretty much mandatory.

Oof, the smug performance driver, the worst of many worlds. Which is a shame because, you know, it’s eco!


Okay, I’m throwing my company into the ring. I’m pretty sure everybody I’m bringing up here scores an automatic 10, and it won’t change, because these cars are not significantly modifiable.

Gryphon Gear

Suspiciously advanced hypercar and race build outfit that stops at literally nothing to make the fastest cars at all costs. It’s a great fantasy but comes at a significant price: hardly anybody can afford the things they build, which is a big douche factor in itself. Given the very ethos of the company is “our cars go faster than yours”, you could say it lends itself to the ultimate in douchebaggery, as it invites just as much those who can drive fast, as those who think they can, all of them having a lot of money to throw around, and punches them in the crotch while saying “fuck you, you can’t handle all of this”.

Just as GG looked to be growing up with a more proper business model and a vision to open up their production line so their advanced tech could be more available to more people with a lower (but still high) budget, they also invested seriously in making their user-friendly cars ultra economical. Perhaps the fact they are attempting to advance the revival of the local manufacturing sector mitigates the extra doucheness this might bring: “I’m faster than you AND use less fuel than you do”. Nnnnnnnnngh!

Nightfury:

Paint job fully optional

The premise: Somebody managed to craft an obnoxiously large mag block. How fast can we make it go?
How Douche: Mega Douche
Why Douche: This is GG in its early days, with single minded purpose to brute force their way onto the scene with a big Fuck You to everybody and no regard for anything else. The result was a front-engined, AWD racing car with as much downforce as an F1 car and more power than was ever featured in any ratified road racing code outside of drag. It was like the Audi Quattro Group B Rally extrapolated to the modern era. That’s fine if you’re creating a racing prototype, but GG lost the plot in the buzz that followed and attempted to release some road-legal versions. Needless to say it didn’t take off, especially with a minimum fuel consumption of 32L/100km, bodywork so intricate that it was impossible to repair without sending it back to the factory and an undertray so close to the ground drivers had to completely avoid any road with bumps in it, or driveways. Also it was bloody loud. Only six were ever made, even if they’re technically road legal they’re still practically trailer queens, and you’ll only ever see them at hillclimb events and Goodwood Festival of Speed.

Mephisto:

The premise: TUBROOOOO MOTHERFUCKER
How Douche: Too Douche
Why Douche: It has the same base drivetrain as Nightfury. It’s red. If I get my way with the completed game it’ll have a ludicrously big quad turbo V16 in it JUST BECAUSE. It’s an obnoxiously loudly styled fastback coupe. The rollcage is so inconveniently placed you have to fold yourself in unnatural ways to worm over the crossbars. It has about 1000bhp more than you could conceivably think to do with, ensuring that it accelerates from 0-100 in the same time as it does from 100-200 and 200-300. It costs more money than most people would earn in a lifetime, especially when you consider maintenance, fuel and tyres.

You would have to be an idiot and a sucker for punishment to want to own this for regular use. Even our test driver, as much as he loves this car, isn’t capable of using it on a regular basis, and he didn’t even buy it, he was gifted model number 01 by the company for his work in getting the racing team off the ground.

Mercury:

Premise: If you can’t make the 2hp per kg prototype street legal, at least get the production version to 500km/h.
How Douche: The Douchest.
Why Douche: As a realisation of the ultimate state of the art of racing just about everything, it is so prohibitively rare and expensive that the only buyers were the winners of a bidding war between children of oil barons from the UAE, and the children of obscenely rich CCCP-approved magnates from the PRC. Successful buyers already own the likes of the Agera One:1, Veneno, FXXK, P1-GTR etc. etc. It also chugs more fuel than a Lambo, as it needs to when capable of developing over 2000hp at 8000rpm.

Has a drivability score of 1. What this means is that the people capable of buying it would need to hire people capable of driving it. Which basically means that while it was created as an engineering triumph, it ended up being essentially penis compensation for people with too much money and a death trap.

Fast forward to a couple of years from now:

Ouroboros:

Premise: Keep up with the hypercars for half the fuel and a quarter of the price!
How Douche: Uncertain amounts of douche.
Why Douche: Does having hypercar performance for less and being more environmentally friendly smell of smugness just waiting to irritate enthusiasts, or is it doing the world of performance a service? If you can do without luxuries and premium comforts and don’t mind your cabin being quite spartan/utilitarian, you could have yourself a Porsche 918 for the price of a Porsche Carerra 911. Game changer or arrogant upstart?

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I’ll put my butt in the fire, although I don’t have much of Storm Automotive’s Modern Years covered yet. What is there is our '55 to '84, and a lot look similar in the early days. At the same time, I was inspired by and not-quite-competing with TurboJ’s Patriot Motor Force, although it looks like I’ll need to find some new inspiration for competition.

Storm Automotive Company Thread

Luke’s story would start in 2000, so it’s a bit of a way off. Right now, the story picks up in a transfer of ownership and a taming of the insanity.

As for giving some ratings to cars that were posted here, and then posting something modern-ish that I’ve got for people to pick at, I’ll start from the bottom and work my way up.

Gryphon Gear: I’d give a solid 8/10 for the company: they make cars that go fast and look good, and they cost a lot. Sadly, some require special attention to the fact that you’ll need a professional racing driver just to take it around the block.

  • Ouroboros: 6/10. A fuel-sipping hypercar in the midst of the “Add more fuel, gain 1 MPH” crowd, the Ouroboros says, “Hey, look at me! I’m just as fast and I won’t burn through five credit cards worth of gasoline just to have a good track day.”
  • Mercury: 10/10. What good is a fast car that you cannot drive? Even Luke wouldn’t touch this one, and he could probably afford it, and could probably drive it.
  • Mephisto: 8/10. The car that every kid has a poster on the wall for, because it’s radical and fast and it looks cool and it’s fast and it’s a street legal racecar and it’s fast. Did we mention it’s fast?
  • Nightfury: 10/10. A literal street-legal race car.

Erin Motor Company, with an overall rating of 5/10, right in the middle. As a whole, there’s not a lot of wild designs, and as such, it’s more a normal car company, like Subaru, Ford, or Toyota.

  • Visto: 4/10, because it’s a tiny little thing with advertising saying “Now we’ve added even more plastic” with it having no horsepower. Probably a decent candidate for engine swaps and outright ricing it out with a big fake bodykit and a massive wing with wheel spacers.
  • Berlose X-AllDrive: Yeah, I’ll agree with you, 8/10. It outwardly says “I go fast, get out of my way” without any provocation.
  • Scarlet: 7/10. Not quite as radical a car as some I’ve seen, and very plain in looks, not that it’s a bad thing. However, add 2 points if the driver bought it in red, and another if it’s a convertible.
  • Merna: I’d probably rate this one a 3/10, honestly. It doesn’t look that outlandish, it looks slightly up-market, and yet there’s just something about the angle on those headlights that makes me think, without looking up stats, that people who buy it will think it goes fast.

Not gonna look up the company, but the Petoskey Stag makes the next on the list, and like any good sports truck, it makes an 8/10, just like the Ford Lightning F150, Dodge Ram SRT-10, etc. would.
The Petoskey Montauk RTX Aero gets an instant 7/10. Outlandishly huge wing (yes, I know, those were a thing in the good old days of Nascar when cars were just modified showroom cars), bright sunburst yellow paint, and dual twin-tip exhausts.

Komodo Motors Phyton Base: 6/10. I could see people abusing the thing as a hot hatch, because they’re too cheap to buy one of the more interestingly-named models with more power. Those kind of people would be the ones to spout about things like, “She’s got a mag-block, yo, she’ll blow your doors off like you’re sitting still” while sitting next to a slightly non-descript black station wagon with a heavily vented hood. Otherwise, the average driver wouldn’t care that the engine’s been beautifully crafted from magnesium, or that it has AlSi heads, they’d never use the 6900 RPM, and they’d probably buy it with an automatic. But, that said, the base has to go up a notch on it’s own, but it stays there, despite adding a turbo or doing engine work.

Rennen Automotive, based on the three pictures available and the pinch of information, would weigh in at a 5 overall for me. You make luxury cars, but you’re making drivers’ luxury cars. And occasionally you make something wild and outlandish and fun because what’s life without a speeding ticket?

LaVache Horseless Carriages. Just from the company name, I’ve got to up-rate it to a 6/10. Not because of anything bad, but it sounds like something you’d use as a retort with an overly posh voice while holding your snifter of brandy. “It is not a car, it is a horseless carriage, you uneducated simpleton.”

However, the LaVache Skywarp ('85) gets a 6.2/10 from me. Left unmodified, it’s a nice car, but I could see it being driven to hell and back by old folks, who then sell the car, a driver who just got his permit and begged his parents to buy him a car ends up with it, and in an attempt to make a nice car into something ‘cool’, he spends every paycheck on fixing the little things wrong after 30 years of abuse, as well as 20 inch rims, a wing that looks like it was pilfered from the Montauk, a fart cannon with a turbo whistle in it, and an ancient aftermarket alternator that kinda sounds like a supercharger if you’ve never heard one before.

The '88 Skywarp Turbo II doesn’t, however, get the 6 douche points from the previous model. It manages a cool 3/10, and that’s only because someone’s bound to stomp the accelerator at least once and wake that engine up. However, there’s not much room for dumb modifications, those who bought these are going to care for them (Just ask anyone who still has a Buick Grand National instead of the Buick Regal from the same year), and their sleeper quality has only gotten better with time.

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Controversial Opinion: GG aren’t douchey at all.
Rather, they’re so expensive and ridiculous that those who buy them really have to know what they’re doing to own one. Reminds me of Noble, little British sports and race car maker. Bonkers, crazy cars, made on a small scale. But the people who bought them were there for the car, not for the image or the brand or the badge. It speaks volumes to them that someone made a car that crazed in the first place, and had the confidence to try and sell. This isn’t like Pagani. who make fantastic and flamboyant cars because they can; the driver of a GG car is someone who knows they’re driving something driven by a passion to make something truly, terrifyingly incredible.
Douche meter rating: 4/10. Just for the loud styling :stuck_out_tongue:

Storm: One of the most reliable and dependable companies in the game. 3/10 overall, mainly because they ooze a sense of reliability and friendliness. You couldn’t make yourself drive a Storm badly, it’d just feel plain wrong. They aren’t soft in the centre though, they’re not overly-friendly. They still have a good amount of stature, and to call them weak would make you look stupid and show how you’ve misunderstood what the company stands for.
At least that’s my take!

I haven’t made a thread for Adenine or Pearlite yet (I’m waiting for the next update), but you can see the full 2016 lineups in the Buyer’s Guide: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1UUw9e5Gj01qEIg9_22eFKjADBimxAWo4mpxA6Wy-dB0/edit#gid=1432732937

I picture Adenine drivers as especially douchey. Adenine is known for efficiency so right off the bat you’ve got the whole Prius kind of eco-douchiness. But on top of that, Adenine drivers brag all day about their six cylinders and turbos, when the engines aren’t really any more powerful. Adenine is also generally priced in between the mainstream and premium segments, so I’d imagine plenty of douches pretending their 190hp Cadence is a BMW. Oh, and one other thing: every Adenine comes standard with dual-mode exhaust for some reason so even the shitbox-tier Cadence Eco can let off an obnoxiously loud note.

Pearlite would be even worse, because their cars actually are BMWs, except overly heavy and (aside from the Vengeance) without any sense of sportiness.

DMA’s main market are those who live in rural areas that need a little more capability than their city dwelling brethren.

The O-85 was intended to target the young rural family who needs something reliable and capable without too much extra frill. Who’s cars are typically found on the back country byways eating dirt for a living. However it rapidly gained popularity as an economical city runabout due to its small size and decent fuel economy. And owing to its excellent power to weight was sought after who wanted something with some zip. Only later in its life did its intended rural buyers become the dominant market though sales have always been very good. Production is planned to continue past 2020.

<img src="/uploads/default/original/4X/9/2/a/92a94be6429bb2ee01a9b9bde1c4e8bce6db3da3.png" width="690"height=“388”>

Douche factor 2-4/10 depending on what year and location.

Here is Bogliq Automotive’s build thread…

Bogliq Automotive Engineering

Plus you’ll find my entries on most active competitions, lol

Based on the formula for Douche-ness, I’d say that Bogliq is a solid 7 or 8 out of 10. Why? Because I build my cars with the tuning market in mind. All my cars are inspired by Japan and I build in the sense that these cars will be cheap in the second-hand market and thus easily accessed by modders. Bogliq doesn’t have the same sense of success as Toyota or Nissan (unfortunately for me, lol) so may lose points for being un-desireable.

I would consider Bogliq like Hyundai; decent stats in isolation but, when given a choice, everyone picks a Znopresk!

@Awildgermanappears LaVache would be a 6/10 overall; “Drifters” will raise this score, 4/10 otherwise.
@titleguy1 Rennen I’d give a 4/10 as it’s less “Teutonic” than it’s rivals.
@rcracer11m Mott Works Automotive is too old to rate, you need cars from the 70’s onwards to be in the running!
@koolkei I’d not give the Phyton over 2/10. Why? Because it’s very conservative looking without any hint of “sportiness”
@BobLoblaw The muscle car is a definite 10/10; the wing man! OMG look at it! :stuck_out_tongue: The truck’s worth a 1/10 until Automation DLC’s Diesel!
@findRED19 I think you rate your car too highly, 4/10 from me, unless you build a “VTEC Yo!” variant, then you’re closer to the mark.
@DeusExMackia Erin comes across as friendly so I’d say your whole line-up’d be worth a 3/10 and performance variants would rate a 7/10 from me.
@strop Gryphon Gear gets a solid 11/10 from me as the buyers of GG’s products will be the douchiest of the lot! I cannot agree with @DeusExMackia’s opinion; anyone who has to hire a driver for his ultra-limited supercar is 100% Douche-bag!!!
@Madrias Storm Automotive isn’t very douchey at all: 3/10 from me (some of them are worth 7/10, the muscle-cars mainly)
@Zabhawkin Off-roaders aren’t very douchey: 3/10 until Diesel DLC!

Looking back, I suppose the Orela scores lower than I expected… But then again, I haven’t told the whole story.

If anyone has caught on yet, I have designed the Orela after a irl car from the early 2000s (the Orela is only a 2008 because that was the closest body I could find to the irl car). That irl car comes with America’s best i4, which I have “taken inspiration from” when I designed the EcoTec series 2.2L engine (with DOHC and 4v per cylinder).

And, yes, it is underrated. The engine has been dyno-proven by car magazines to have 140hp at 6600rpm with a redline around 7300. And it has a very stout bottom end that can take a beating (I have like +6 Quality in it with Forged or LW Forged pistons).

So this engine has a history of being able to take on quite a bit of boost…

So any riced or slightly tuned version should probably get at least a 6/10 rating, with the basic unmodified car (show in the pictures) being lower, around 4/10 or so.

I give you my most economical vehicle to date.

24.9 horsepower
1158.9lb weight
125.2 mpg
MSRP: $158,400

Presenting the Egotron!




Buy this over a standard ecobox and break even in twenty five years.
I’m not sure how I would rate this but I leave it open to your opinions. It’s not fast but it is driveable.

1945 Ventnor Speedster
The fastest car in the world of yesteryear.



The Ventnor Speedster featured a top speed of 165.2mph*
With a price tag of $400,197 there were few who could afford this beautiful car. Only ten were ever made as a result.
*The first production car to reach this top speed in real life was the 1965 AC Cobra Mk III 427.

Next up is the Stag Big Chief



The Big Chief first made its debut in 1995 as a successor to the Severe Duty Stag pickups. The Big Chief used a 432 cubic inch V8 with multi-point fuel injection. I figure rating this one would depend on who uses it.

If it can manage 70 MPH, then it’s an 8/10 because you know people would brag about their carbon-fiber car that gets 125 MPG.

If it can’t manage highway speeds (50 MPH minimum, even though the true minimum is 45 MPH), then it’s a 12/10 for being nothing but a car to brag about its stats while driving around it anything else, or a 15/10 if you’re actually going to limp it down the highway, creating traffic jams.

The car is capable of doing 100, though it isn’t that fast on acceleration.

I’m going to retry ECV. With a link this time!

Yet to reach modern times, so I want to see what you all think.

Personally, I give my own company a 5/10.

Let me introduce my new company Darkshines Designs. Two model for 2015 production the Broadhead convertible with BB v8 and the Hollowpoint 303/431 and Pro mod.


juliusgraham5485 - DSD Broadhead.zip (94.6 KB)
juliusgraham5485 - Hollow Point.zip (149.8 KB)
Because we all need a 9L v8 hot hatch with 1700hp with twin 66mm turbo’s
edit: the Hollowpoint was thrown together quickly and i am yet to tune but you will see it in the Single engine challenge

4 out 10 of my brand’s cars are Corvette parodies. The others are a two supercars, two of what is essentially a Lancer Evo and a I6 turbo 4WD riceboy’s wet dream. So yeah, Dimension Motors has a line up of douchemobiles throughout its proud history.

I win.:stuck_out_tongue:

Edit for pictures:

It has a huge wing, ridiculous hood and body kit, and the owner would probably ditch the cat and slam the thing for instagram points. How can you get more douchey than that?

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I’ll go a 10/10 because the driver will probably have an arrogant personality to boot. Probably a teenager with a boatload of cash from Mommy and Daddy to buy the car and subsequent mods.

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That picture is pretty much a Lancer Evo X replica. You will clearly be judged accordingly :stuck_out_tongue:

I don’t mean for this thread to be a douche contest, but since the game is fantasy, I did foresee this happening as we are unfettered by the crushing expectations of reality, and can embrace the douche.

1998 Petoskey Keweenaw Rally



1.9L turbocharged inline 4 producing 193 hp. A sport tuned variant of the Keweenaw built in 1998 as the latest economy model from Petoskey Motors. FWD only as the T platform does not support AWD capability.

Your opinions? Personally I’d give it at least a 6/10 for the large wing plus the teenage hooligan personification.

That it is FF only adds to the douche factor of the rear wing. People likely to buy it for AWDness without knowing what AWD is. Kind of like how a lot of people voted Brexit without knowing what the EU was or, in several particular cases, how the entire livelihood of their town relied on EU funding.

As new, I imagine it quite close to a poor man’s Evo. That score real high.

I’m still looking for opinions on Ouroboros compared to the other obviously douchebag GG cars.

Ourobros: Impressive technological feat, sure. HOWEVER, instead of being reserved for the super-rich elites as a supercar should be, its daciaesque price tag as well as the insane looks will undoubtedly generate far higher sales, which also increases the number of owners not qualified to handle this kind of performance.
TL,DR: It might succeed the Mustang as the car of choice for crashing at a car meet.

Not to mention the smug increase it will undoubtedly cause. Luckily it isn’t a hybrid. 8/10

I agree on a number of things, except to note that with a drivability of 54, and only the potential to be more than the driver can handle if they turn the aids off this car is less likely to crash than a lot of similarly powered cars, particularly the top trims if muscle.

Then again you just know the idiots buying this car will turn the driving aids off and it still does have about 650bhp on tap IIRC. So I guess you’re right on that count too.

There are enough accounts of people crashing 60hp FWD hatchbacks and/ or cars with millions of safety devices.

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